


Time to Heal, A

by roslinadamasinequanon



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, Children, Disturbing Imagery or Content, Drama, Episode: s01e17 The White House Pro-Am, Episode: s05e03 Jefferson Lives, Episode: s05e11 The Benign Prerogative, Episode: s05e15 Full Disclosure, Episode: s05e16 Eppur Si Muove, F/M, Family, Hurt/Comfort, Original Character - Freeform, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-09-27
Updated: 2007-09-27
Packaged: 2019-05-15 05:28:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 179,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14784407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roslinadamasinequanon/pseuds/roslinadamasinequanon
Summary: The Bartlets enter into family and individual therapy to help them get through the aftermath of the kidnapping





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

> _Here we are_  
>  after all these years   
> Face to face   
> heart to heart   
> and I've loved you from the start   
> But I never thought that we'd be standing here   
> after all these years 
> 
> Here we are   
> with another song to sing.   
> All these days   
> pass us by   
> as we watched our childhood fly   
> and I'm still the one to share your hopes and fears   
> After all these years 
> 
> After all these years   
> we still have each other   
> one to another   
> After all these years   
> you're still the one   
> and I'm still here   
> after all these years. 
> 
> And here we are   
> with another bridge to cross.   
> Face to face   
> heart to heart   
> and I loved you from the start   
> But I never thought that we'd be standing here   
> after all these years 
> 
> And I've loved these days   
> all we've been through   
> And I'd just like to say   
> I'm so glad it's been with you   
> Here's one more song from the heart   
> for the laughter and the tears   
> after all these years   
>    ( _After All These Years_ by Jim Brickman and Anne Cochran)

"Well, now, I've reviewed both your files – Mr. President, yours from Dr. Keyworth and Mrs. Bartlet, yours from Dr. Tyler. And, having met with you both privately and with your children, I think we can set in motion a counseling schedule that will be beneficial to all of you." 

Dr. Sonia Chase, the family therapist recommended to the Bartlets by Stanley Keyworth, leaned back in her chair and surveyed the couple sitting before her. The President and Mrs. Bartlet sat side by side on the couch – holding hands, she noted – but neither looked particularly comfortable. 

"So...what do you think? About us?" 

Dr. Chase grinned. The First Lady was a very direct person indeed. "Well, it's a little early for me to be giving my impressions. But what I see right now are two very strong, very independent individuals who are very used to being in control of their lives and of their destinies. I see that an act of terror and violence tore away at that feeling of control, leaving them both feeling weak and vulnerable and spinning out of control. One thing that you both need to understand at the onset of therapy is that while this act of terror – this kidnapping – physically happened to you, Mrs. Bartlet, and to two of your daughters, this was not a static moment. This act touched EVERY member of your family in many different ways. Oftentimes when something like this happens, it is like a stone being thrown on a smooth surface of water. The impact hits in the center but there are ripple effects that are far reaching. That is what we are going to try to find ways to deal with here. The ripple effects. I'd like to meet with you individually, Mrs. Bartlet, once a week and once a week with your husband. Then I think once every two weeks we should have a family session. I know you're a busy man, Mr. President, but do you think that will work for you?" 

Abbey turned to face Jed, her eyes hopeful. 

"We'll make it work," he assured both Abbey and the doctor. "This is very important to me, Dr. Chase. I want my family to heal these terrible wounds. I'm not saying I might not have to cancel or that I might not be late, but I'm going to make every effort to be a part of this." 

Abbey smiled with relief at his answer. She knew she was going to be relying on him a lot in these sessions. 

"Good, because right now your support for Mrs. Bartlet is going to be integral in her healing process. Only after a feeling of stability and safety is established can the healing process begin. After talking with you, Mrs. Bartlet, and meeting with Dr. Tyler, I'd have to say that you are definitely dealing with some symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder. This is a condition that occurs after an extreme trauma and people who have been victimized in the past tend to be pre-disposed to it. I read in Dr. Tyler's file that before this kidnapping occurred you were the victim of a violent rape and later your rapist stalked you. I'm assuming that is that correct?" 

Abbey nodded swallowing tightly as Jed gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. "But...it was a long time ago. The rape I mean. It was almost nineteen years ago." 

"The stalking was just a couple of years ago though," Jed added. 

"Time doesn't really matter. It's just the fact that you've experienced that kind of violence and terror. Some of the problems you related to me in our session I believe are directly related to PTSD. You have frequent, recurring nightmares about the kidnapping that sometimes lead to panic attacks?" 

"Um...yes," Abbey admitted. "But they are getting better. It used to be every night. I haven't had one in a couple of weeks. Ever since Jed and I...well, we uh..." 

"Go on." 

"Uh...Ever since we made up." 

"But you've been back at the White House for well over a month?" 

"Physically, yes. But we didn't make up...intimately.... until Christmas Eve." 

Sonia nodded. "And, since then you've been sleeping better?" 

Abbey nodded. "I feel safe now." 

"That's a good thing. It's important that your environment feel safe for you. Now, you've also said that you're startled easily and that you've experience flashbacks that have resulted in irrational fear and panic." 

"Yes, but like I said. That's getting better too. It takes a lot more to set me off now." 

"Mrs. Bartlet, when you returned from the hospital, you chose to take your children and return to your farm in New Hampshire." 

"She was angry with me," Jed said. 

"Is that why you left?" Dr. Chase turned to Abbey. "Because you were angry?" 

"Partly," Abbey admitted. 

"But there was more, wasn't there?" 

Abbey's brow furrowed. "How did you know?" 

"Because avoiding reminders of the event and withdrawing from family and friends are very typical symptoms. People experiencing this disorder often close off to their family because they are trying to suppress the flood of emotions talking about it would bring." 

Abbey nodded. "I needed to get away. I was scared. And...well, we left the White House the day of the kidnapping, my daughters and me, and walked straight into hell." 

"And you associated the White House with that?" 

"Yes," Abbey's voice was barely a whisper. "Even with all the Secret Service, I didn't feel safe there. I felt exposed and I didn't want all the White House reporters digging into me, asking me questions, so I left." 

"I didn't know that." Jed turned to look at her. "You never said the White House scared you." 

"I felt stupid and silly for feeling that way. I mean what place could be safer? The White House is a fortress." 

"A fortress that Frenchie boy was able to invade." Jed scowled. 

Abbey nodded. "And, I guess I felt weak for backing down from the fight." 

"Our feelings are never stupid and silly, Mrs. Bartlet. They are our feelings and if this therapy is going to work you need to be completely open and honest. But now, getting back to you leaving for New Hampshire. That did accomplish one very important step in your healing process. You allowed yourself the time and space to come to terms with what happened to you and your girls. Now, let me just say before we start, how beneficial it is that you are both getting counseling as well as having the family sessions. Loved ones can have a significant difference in the long-term outcome of the traumatized person by being active participants in a treatment plan." 

"Let me ask you a question, Dr. Chase." Abbey took a shaky breath. "Do you think that sometimes there are things that happen that are so terrible you'll never get over them?" 

Jed turned to Abbey with surprise, seeing the fear and pain lurking deep in her lovely green eyes. He had no idea she was worried about never getting over this. Her fear ran much deeper than even he had suspected. 

"No, Mrs. Bartlet. I don't. I think there may be things that will stay with you forever and I think your nightmares will most probably always be more violent than most because of your experiences, but I think you CAN get over them and move forward. And that's what I'm here for. To help you be able to do that, and to help you get to the point where you can all say that there are only three people to blame for what happened to your family. They were terrorists and they are dead." 

**** 

"Abbey?" Jed entered the living room to see Abbey sitting on the couch staring pensively into space, the phone still in her hand. "Is something wrong?" 

"What?" Abbey snapped back to the present at the sound of her husband's voice. 

"I asked you if something was wrong. You have a funny look on your face." 

Abbey looked down at the phone as if still in shock. "That was Jenny. She was calling to let me know that we'll be getting an invitation in a few days. She and Jeffrey are getting married." 

"Married?" Jed seemed shocked by the very idea. "They're getting married?" 

"That's what I said." 

"I know that's what you said. It's just...I can't believe she's marrying him." 

"Well, Jed. It's not entirely unexpected. They've been dating for a couple of years now and sleeping together for the past year." 

"More information than I want to know, Abbey," Jed scowled. In his mind Jenny was still Leo's wife. 

"Well, you know, it's just, you shouldn't be shocked is all I'm saying." 

"Well, if we shouldn't be shocked then why did I walk in and see you looking like you'd just seen a ghost." 

"Because maybe I did." 

"See a ghost?" 

Abbey nodded. "The ghost of our friends' marriages." 

"Yeah," Jed nodded sadly. 

"Jenny and Leo, well, they were rocky right from the start." 

"Yeah, they were," Jed admitted. "But, Jenny put up with so much over the years – the drinking, the drugs, the infidelity – and then when everything seemed to be paying off for her, just when Leo had pulled himself together, she ended it. She got her husband back and then she let him go." 

"She didn't just let him go, Jed. He had drifted further and further away from her and then he put the nail in his own coffin. Do you honestly think she would have left him if he hadn't said what he did?" 

"What did he say?" 

"He never told you?" 

"No." 

"Jenny never really intended to end it all. She wanted to show Leo she was serious. She wanted to give him a wake up call, to show him all that he was going to lose if he didn't start to appreciate it more. She complained to him about his job, about him not spending enough time with her and he told her that his job was more important than his marriage." 

Jed stared at her in shock. "He said that? Leo SAID that?" 

Abbey nodded. "She couldn't stay with him after that. What self-respecting woman could? Do you know how much that had to hurt? She gave that man her life, stuck by him when nearly everyone else deserted him and that's what he says to her?" Abbey was getting irate just THINKING about it. 

"It had to be a pretty harsh blow." Jed was still in shock. How did a man tell the woman he loved that there were more important things in his life than her? He knew he'd never get to a point in his own life where there would be anything more important than Abbey...even the Presidency. He would have given it up in a heartbeat if it had meant losing her. And more importantly he had told her exactly that. 

"You know she asked me what I would have done. If I would have left." 

"What did you say?" 

"I said that you'd never say that to me." 

She knew him so well. "No, I wouldn't. Maybe if he'd said it differently, made promises that things would be different when I was out of office it might have made a difference." 

"But would they have been different, Jed? As much as we love Leo, we need to be honest here. His work has always come first. Once this job was finished there would be another one waiting. It's just the way he is. I can' t blame Jenny for throwing in the towel. She deserves someone who will put her first for once." 

"But, Jeffrey?" Jed rolled his eyes. 

"Well, yeah, you have a point there," Abbey smirked. She didn't like Jeffrey 'I have a stick up my butt' Fowler any better than Jed did. 

"But, you said friends, plural. You were thinking of Millie and Dave." 

Abbey nodded. That one hurt even worse. Millie was her best friend and she was hurting terribly for her, but she also loved Dave and was hurting for what he was going through. "Millie said she came to you and told you everything." 

"Yeah. I gotta give her credit; she's got balls. She came right to me and laid it all out, didn't sugarcoat any of it, took full responsibility. She offered to resign. I told her we'd wait and see; let things play out. I still can't believe she did it, Abbey. Dave called me to tell me he wasn't going to drag Millie through the mud over this, but you should have heard him. Walking in on her like that – finding her screwing another man – I can't even imagine what he's going through. She destroyed him." 

"I know." Abbey swallowed through the lump in her throat. "She knows that. For what it's worth, she's a mess. She knows it was a mistake. She loves Dave and it's killing her to think that she's going to lose him over this. That guy meant nothing to her." 

"Makes it even worse somehow, doesn't it?" 

"I suppose it does. To throw away everything she had with Dave for an orgasm." Abbey shook her head with dismay. "It's just such a waste." 

"But, you know why she's losing him, don't you?" Jed's eyes narrowed. 

"Of course I do, Jed. I love Millie. I love Dave. I wish there was some way they could work through this but if it were you...if I walked it on you having sex with another woman...well, I just don't see how you work through that. Hell, I got upset just seeing pictures of you and Bitsy Carmichael." 

"Me and Bitsy?" Jed frowned. "Where was that?" 

"I don't know. One of those functions you attended without me. You know she wants you, Jed. She's practically offered herself up on a platter for you." 

"And you know I have no interest." 

"Yes, but you know when you're a thousand miles away for months, it's easy to get paranoid. To wonder if this time you pushed your husband far enough for him to turn to someone else to ease the loneliness." 

"I don't care how lonely you are, you don't ease that loneliness outside of your marriage." 

"I know. I know you believe that with all your heart and I know that I can trust you. That's why I was able to stay away so long and get better." 

Jed nodded. "All I kept thinking of while Dave was talking was what it must have been like for him. I was so afraid of losing you and I just kept thinking about how I would have reacted if I'd gone home and found you in the shower fucking another man." 

"And?" 

"And, I'd have killed him." 

"Jed!" 

"Okay, that's exaggerating, but I'd have WANTED to kill him and I probably would have beaten him within an inch of his life. And then...I would have divorced you and spent the rest of my life seeing that picture in my head." 

"Well, pumpkin, it's not something that you're ever going to have to worry about, is it? You're it for me, Jed. Forever." She wrapped her arms around his waist slipping her hands into his back pockets and felt the laughter bubbling in Jed's chest. 

"Are you laughing at me?" Her eyes were hurt. 

"No, no not you, babe. I was just thinking about Bitsy Carmichael. It all makes sense now. Did you tell Millie how you felt about Bitsy?" 

"I didn't need to," Abbey smiled ruefully. "She caught me throwing wadded newspaper balls that had your picture with Bitsy in it." 

"That Irish temper," he chuckled and rubbed a tendril of her hair between his finger and thumb. "Goes with the red hair." 

Abbey laughed. 

"What's so funny?" 

"You and Millie. You two probably know me better than anyone. She said the same thing. Told me I never could control my Irish temper." 

Jed laughed nodding his head with agreement. 

"Hey, don't laugh too hard. You've got one of those Irish tempers yourself. But, what did you mean it all makes sense now?" 

"When Millie got back from the farm, she was at that Red Cross dinner function we had at the White House. So was Bitsy. Millie was either at my side or Bitsy's all night; she didn't let Bitsy get near me. She was protecting your turf." 

Abbey smiled sadly. "She's a good friend." 

"She loves you." 

"I know. And I love her. I'm just so sad for her. I wish there was something that I could do to help her." 

"Just being there for her is going to be a big help. But, I'm afraid for Leo. When he finds out that Jenny's getting married..." 

"You think he'll fall off the wagon?" 

"I don't know." 

"He seems to have handled the divorce really well. I can't see why he would be all that upset over this." 

"No, he hasn't been as affected by the divorce as I thought he would be. But, Leo is a very private person, Abbey. He doesn't talk to me much about how he feels in his personal life." 

Abbey shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest. "Men. You know, maybe you guys wouldn't be all messed up all the time if you talked to each other the way we women do." 

"We talk," Jed defended his gender. 

"Yeah, about sports and boobs." 

"I take offence to that, my love. It's boobs and sports. Gotta get your priorities straight." 

Abbey laughed. 

"But, seriously, Abbey. We do talk about more than boobs and sports. We're colleagues." 

"Okay, I'll give you politics, as well and maybe even the weather and 'how are the kids?'. But did you ever ask him what happened between him and Jordan? And, when was the last time you asked him if he was lonely?" 

Jed squirmed. "We don't talk about...you know...feelings." He shuddered. 

"Feelings? Oh my God. And heaven forbid...EMOTIONS. You men don't know what you're missing. Instead of helping each other out, you just help each other keep everything shut up inside." 

"And after all these years this is news to you?" 

"Not exactly. So what do want to do about Leo and the wedding?" 

"I don't think we should go to the wedding. Even if he says he's okay with things, it's got to hurt to know that his wife is marrying another man." 

"EX-wife, Jed. Jenny isn't committing bigamy." 

"Okay, okay, ex-wife. But whatever her title is right now, she's still the woman that he spent the majority of his life with and that has to be really difficult for him." 

"Why don't we plan to go away that weekend. We haven't been out to Harmony Point in ages. We'll invite him to come for the weekend, play some cards, watch the football playoffs." 

"Sounds like a plan." 

**** 

"What on earth are you talking about?" 

Abbey had just gotten back to the Residence after her private session with Sonia and now her husband was gaping at her in horror. 

"It's not that long, Jed. Just until Valentine's Day, a little over six weeks." 

"SIX weeks!? I just got you back, Abbey." Even to his own ears he sounded like a whining little boy. 

"I'm not going anywhere, Jed." Abbey smiled at her sulking husband. "Sonia just felt that too often you and I try to make each other feel better physically rather than talking things out. She wants us to communicate more verbally right now, than physically." 

"What is she, crazy? I'm damn verbose." 

"You're partially to blame, you know." 

"ME? There is no way I would lead that woman to thinking that making you feel better physically is not a good thing." 

"She didn't say it was a BAD thing. She said that it's wonderful that we have that kind of close physical relationship, but she doesn't want sex to get into the way of verbal communication right now." 

"What made her go down this path anyway? Were you...uh...having second thoughts or problems with us...you know, sexually? Are you afraid? If that's the case, I certainly don't want to push you." 

"No, baby." Abbey cupped his cheek in her palm. "I could never be afraid of you. She came to this conclusion because in talking to both of us, she feels that you often use sex to heal a rift in a fight or to make me feel better when I'm upset, and I often use sex when you close off to me emotionally as a way of communicating with you and feeling close to you. None of that is a bad thing, it's just that since we are in therapy, she would like for us to talk through our pain and our feelings, to try to make each other feel better with words, not our bodies." 

"I think I want a second opinion." 


	2. Time to Heal, A

> _I think I finally know you_  
>  I can see beyond your smile   
> I think that I can show you   
> That what we have is still worthwhile   
> Don't you know that love's just like the thread   
> That keeps unraveling but then   
> It ties us back together in the end 
> 
> In your eyes, I can see my dream's reflections   
> In your eyes, found the answers to my questions   
> In your eyes, I can see the reasons why our love's alive   
> In your eyes, we're drifting safely back to shore   
> And I think I've finally learned to love you more 
> 
> You warned me that life changes   
> That no one really knows   
> Whether time would make us strangers   
> Or whether time would make us grow   
> Even though the winds of time will change   
> In a world where nothing stays the same   
> Through it all our love will still remain 
> 
> In your eyes, I can see the reasons why our love's alive   
> In your eyes, we're drifting safely back to shore   
> And I think I've finally learned to love you more   
>    ( _In Your Eyes_ by George Benson)

**** 

"What's all this?" 

Leo surveyed the HUGE bouquet of roses and the box of chocolate kahlua truffles that lay on Jed's desk. 

"I'm taking Abbey out to dinner tonight at some swanky new place in Georgetown. Ellie and Sam have been raving about it." 

"You in the doghouse or something?" He bent to sniff the flowers. 

"No, I'm not in the doghouse. Can't a man buy his wife a couple of gifts without being in the doghouse?" 

Leo cast Jed a skeptical look. 

"All right, all right. I'm courting her." 

"Who?" 

"Who do you think, Leo?" Exasperation seeped into Jed's voice. 

"You're courting, Abbey? Am I missing something here? Didn't you already do that like thirty years ago?" 

"As a matter of fact I did." 

"Well, newsflash. You already won the girl, Jed. You had a great big wedding and you have five children together." 

"I have M.S., Leo, not Alzheimer's. I'm well aware that we've already done this once. But, our therapist wants us to work on some things and one of those things is to do all our communicating verbally." 

"Well, how the hell else would you communicate?" Leo looked puzzled for a moment, then at Jed's raised brow, his face reddened. "Oh, uh, yeah. No more naked wrestling and glow in the dark condoms?" 

"Not until Valentine's Day. So, I figured this would be a good time for me to sort of woo Abbey back. I came so close to losing her Leo, first physically and then emotionally. I want to show her how much she means to me." 

"So, you'll be dating again?" 

"Yeah. Only this time I have a personal jet and limousines at my service. You think we could get the motorcade into a drive-in?" 

"If anyone could persuade Ron, it would be you. But, do you think a drive-in is such a good idea?" 

Jed thought back for a moment on those hot summer nights at the Hooksett drive-in when he and Abbey would leave the kids with a baby sitter and spend the night steaming up the windows groping and fooling around in the back of the family station wagon. 

"No, maybe you're right. Too much temptation." He picked up a legal tablet and crossed something off. 

"Oh Lord," Leo groaned. "He has a list." 

**** 

"I think what I'd like to do to day is to start from the very beginning." Sonia took a deep breath eyeing the couple before her. She was a professional, had been helping families for a very long time, but it was still hard not to be intimidated by the fact that she was delving into the psyches of the President and First Lady of the United States of America. 

"When I made the assassination decision?" Jed asked. 

"No. Further back. To the day Abbey was raped in her sister's apartment in Boston." Already they had moved to the more intimate 'Jed and Abbey' rather than the stiff 'President and Mrs. Bartlet' of the previous week. 

"I don't think we need to rehash all of that." Abbey's face had gone pale. "We went through rape counseling back then. We've moved past that incident. I got over it." 

"WE got over it," Jed added, reaching out to take Abbey's hand in his. 

"Maybe you have, but that incident has direct bearing on what you're going through right now, both of you. Can you tell me how it happened?" 

"You have it all right there in your files," Abbey snapped. "You don't need me to tell you what happened." 

Abbey was brittle, edgy, and Sonia knew she'd hit a nerve. 

"I'd like to hear it in your own words. I don't need the graphic details. I'd just like to know how it happened." 

"Look, I don't think Abbey is comfortable talking about this right now." 

It was very telling to Sonia that Jed had jumped to his wife's defense. That he was trying to protect her. 

"All due respect, counseling and therapy is not about comfortable. In fact much of it is pretty damn uncomfortable. You can't erase the past, as much as you'd like to do that sometimes. But, you can learn to live with it. I'm here to help you do that. It's up to you to accept that help or not." 

Abbey inhaled deeply then looked directly into her therapist's eyes. "I was working late at Boston Mercy. I decided to spend the night at my sister's brownstone since I might be called out again. The...uh...man..." 

"Animal," Jed interjected bitterly. "He wasn't a MAN, Abbey." 

"Whatever he was, he was an orderly at the hospital. Evidently he'd been fixated on me for a while but I had no idea. He followed me back to Jane's place. He came up behind me while I was fumbling for my keys and when I opened the door he shoved me inside. He was very big...very strong...I'm not. He overpowered me. He ripped off my clothes. He raped me." 

Jed felt Abbey's hand tighten around his. He could see she was fighting to keep her emotions in check, her eyes shiny with tears. 

"Dr. Tyler gave me your medical records. It looks to me like things got pretty violent." 

Abbey nodded, wiping quickly at the tear that spilled down her cheek. "He did...um...quite a lot of damage." 

Jed closed his eyes trying to block out the memory of Abbey that night, her face tear streaked and bruised, blood trickling down her inner thighs. 

"And the police caught him?" 

"Jed caught him," Abbey said flatly, her voice catching in her throat. Her hand squeezed his tightly and Jed took over the explanations knowing instinctively that she couldn't go on. 

"I wanted to surprise Abbey and join her at the brownstone for a romantic evening. When I got there the front door was open and I could hear her screaming. I caught him...in the act." 

"How did that make you feel?" 

Jed's eyes widened. "How do you THINK it made me feel?" he asked incredulously. "Furious, horrified, sickened, filled with an overpowering red hot violent rage. I wanted to kill him for hurting her like that. I beat him to a bloody pulp. It was one of only two times that I...well...never mind." 

"No, please, continue on." 

"It's nothing." 

"I don't think it's nothing. Please tell me what you were going to say." 

"Jed, tell her... Please. Don't shut down. You have to stay open." It was Abbey's one true fear. That Jed would close off. He never could stand to examine his own inner demons. 

Jed stared for a long moment into Abbey's pleading moss green eyes. He couldn't let her down. Not this time. This was too important for her – for their family. He inhaled sharply and turned to face Sonia directly. "It was one of two times that I knew I had the capacity to kill." 

To Jed's surprise, she didn't so much as blink. "When was the other?" 

"When I held a gun on Hassan Al Khaleel." 

"How did you get a gun? I assume that as President you aren't allowed to carry a loaded weapon." 

"No, I'm not. But all the people who surround me have weapons. That bastard Khaleel was laying there dying and yet, he was taunting me with how easily Abbey'd caved in to his demands – how she'd offered herself up to him. He BROKE our daughter's ARM. What did he expect her to do, go on letting him torture her? He was MOCKING what she'd been through – what HE'D put her through – and I think I just got blinded by rage. I don't remember what happened. I don't remember grabbing the gun, but I was told that I took it from a rookie FBI agent. I do remember holding it on Khaleel." 

"What were you feeling in that moment?" 

"Hatred. Awful, gut wrenching HATRED. He broke my baby girl's arm. He molested my wife and he was LAUGHING about it. I wanted to put a bullet into that grinning face." Jed shook his head as if to rid himself of the memory. "I don't like it." 

"Don't like what?" 

"I'm generally a peaceful man. I like to come up with peaceful solutions." 

"You weren't comfortable with the rage that filled you?" 

"I have a terrible temper when people that I love are hurt or threatened. I don't like that there is a part of me that could possibly kill." 

"Do you really believe that? Despite what you were feeling, you didn't kill either of those men." 

"I didn't get the chance. The first time a neighbor had heard Abbey screaming and called the police. A police officer pulled me off Marcus Hughes. And the second time, Khaleel died of blood loss before I could pull the trigger. I guess I'll never know what I'm capable of, at least by my own hands." 

"What do you mean by my own hands?" 

"I mean using my own hands to kill a man. I could almost justify that. I was enraged. I was protecting my wife, seeking vengeance for what had been done to her. When Hughes came back to stalk Abbey two years ago, I was actually sorry that I HADN'T killed him that night. But, there is blood on my hands. I did kill a man." 

Abbey flinched at the statement. "You didn't kill him." Her voice was nearly a whisper. 

"Yeah, Abbey, I did. I killed him as surely as if I were the one pulling the trigger. No, I didn't come up with the plan, that was the brainchild of my national security advisors and my Chief of Staff, but I signed off on it. The buck stops with me." 

"It was obviously a difficult decision for you." Sonia was so clinical, so detached. It was more than Jed could stand. 

"DIFFICULT?" he exploded. "It was more than difficult. I'm a Catholic. I've always considered myself a man of faith and moral conviction. Killing is a mortal sin." 

"Then, there had to be a reason that you went down that path." 

"There are no reasons to kill." 

"Jed, there are exceptions in the church," Abbey rationalized. "In times of war..." 

"I know, Abbey." He turned to her with a sad, sweet smile that tugged on Abbey's heartstrings. "I've spent a lot of time with Tom and Bishop Desjardins trying to come to terms with what I did. I've spent a lot of time on my knees in penance and prayer." 

"Why don't you tell me why you made the decision to have Abdul Shareef assassinated." 

"He was a terrorist. He had plans to blow up the Golden Gate bridge and God knows what else. I swore an oath to protect my fellow countrymen from all enemies foreign and domestic. I had to do it." 

"You seem very sure of your reasons and yet you didn't tell Abbey what you'd done." 

"No." 

"Why not?" 

"I couldn't." 

"Jed. I want to know how you were feeling. Tell HER how you were feeling." 

"I hated what I had to do." 

Obviously getting the President to open up about himself was going to be like pulling teeth. "Okay, you hated what you had to do. Why did you hate what you had to do? What were you feeling?" 

"Sick. It made me physically sick to think that I had that man in the Oval Office, all the while knowing that his hours here on earth were numbered. I don't care what kind of evil person he was; I don't care that I KNOW it was the right decision. It's still hard for me to swallow. I felt ugly and filthy and dirty, and yet I know I made the right decision." 

"Abbey," Sonia turned to where Abbey was watching her husband with compassion filled eyes. "Do you understand what he was feeling?" 

"Of course I do." 

"When did you feel that way?" 

"After the rape. And...after the kidnapping." 

"Don't tell me. Tell HIM that you understand." 

Abbey took Jed's hand between hers. "Jed. I understand how you were feeling. I just wish you could have told me then. I wish you had talked it out with me and let me help you through it. I wish you'd let me comfort you. I'm your wife." 

"You did comfort me, Abbey. I needed you that morning more than you can know. I needed your purity and cleanliness and innocence. And you gave it to me, without reservation, without question. You gave me all of that and more importantly you gave me your love. I couldn't tell you what I'd done." 

"Why, Jed?" Sonia asked. "What would have been so awful if Abbey had found out?" 

"BECAUSE!" Jed snapped. "Because she might have felt the same way about me that I was feeling about myself. I hated what I'd done – who I'd become. I couldn't stand for her to feel the same way. I couldn't stand to lose her respect or her love." 

"I would have understood, Jed. I DO understand. Sometimes there aren't good or bad choices. Sometimes they're all bad. But decisions have to be made. I know there are decisions that you have to make as the President that go against everything you believe in as a man. Those are the times that I hate this job. The times that it makes you hurt and question yourself and who you are, what you believe. But none of that could ever make ME question who you are. None of that could ever make me stop loving you." 

"I know that, Abbey. Deep inside I knew that. But, by the time I'd sorted everything out in my own mind, I realized how much trouble we could be in for doing this. I didn't want to drag you into any of that. You paid the price once. I'll be damned if I was going to make you pay it again." 

"By price, do you mean Abbey losing her medical license because she kept quiet about your M.S.?" 

"Yes. We knew Abbey wasn't going to be able to practice medicine if I became President, but we never thought it was for good." 

"Abbey, you gave up your career for your husband to be President. Why did you do it?" 

"Because I wanted to. I LOVE being a doctor. But, I love Jed more." 

"Still, it couldn't have been an easy decision." 

"No, it wasn't easy. But you know not everything in life is easy. I mean, obviously, I would have liked to continue on with my career down here at a local hospital, but I know that really isn't feasible for so many reasons. Still, it seemed like a fair exchange. I was going to help set the agenda on the medical front. I was going to have a stage where I could bring awareness to medical problems and medical advances." 

"You keep saying was. Were you not given that opportunity?" 

"Oh, I was given the opportunity but not long after we moved into the White House, after only a few trips abroad, I got pregnant and Jed got shot and my whole focus changed. Suddenly, I was all caught up dealing with Jed's rehabilitation, my pregnancy and preparing for the birth of twins and then of course caring for the two babies once they were born. Going back into medicine was far from my mind at that point." 

"And yet initially you were ready to fight for your license?" 

"They tried to take it away from me, and that hurt. It also made me angry. Being a doctor is part of who I am. I know I'll never be a surgeon again, I've been away from the O.R. too long, but I'm okay with that. When the girls were growing up there was always guilt and inner conflict as I tried to establish my career and also raise them and be there for them. I don't want to deal with that anymore with Aislinn and Nicholas, but that doesn't mean I don't want to go back into medicine at some point. I'd like to work part time or maybe teach or something." 

"So, you see that's why I didn't tell you. Because of me you lost that. All I wanted to do this time was protect you." 

"I know, baby." Abbey reached out to stroke his cheek. "But, you know what? I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself." 

"Not against them, you can't. Politics can get so damn ugly and vicious." 

"You think I don't know that? I married a politician you know." 

"No, you married a grad student on his way to becoming a professor. He just happened to decide to get involved with politics. Life would have been a whole lot easier if he'd just stayed a professor, don't you think?" 

"Probably, but you know what? Sometimes easier can be awfully boring. And you know how much I hate to be bored." 

**** 

Later that evening while Jed finished up his last meeting of the day, Abbey stood before her closet wearing just a skimpy black lace bra and panty set. Having just finished painting her toenails and putting her make-up on and with her hair still in hot curlers, she was surveying her wardrobe trying to decide what to wear. After all it wasn't every day a wife started dating her husband again. She felt a little flutter of excitement in her belly and delighted at the wonder of that. She'd gone out to dinner with Jed thousands of times and yet, tonight, she felt like she was twenty years old again, trying to knock the socks off her sexy new boyfriend. It was fun. It was exciting and yet, it was safe because she would be with the man she loved and trusted above all others. Flicking the hangers across the bar, she passed up dress after dress, a sly grin crossing her face as her eyes finally settled on the one she was looking for. It was a Versace sheath in a shiny emerald satin that slid sensuously over her curves and fell a couple of inches above her knees to reveal the long slender legs she was vain enough to be proud of. And, those legs were going to look even better when she slipped on the Jimmy Choo four-inch stilettos she'd purchased to go with it. Once the dress was on, she surveyed herself in the mirror pleased with the effect. The V-neck revealed enough cleavage to keep her husband interested; Jed was a boob man after all, and she loved the way it showcased the curve of her hips and her long legs. She worked hard to maintain this body and there was no reason not to show it off to its best advantage. 

Sliding into the sexy high heels, she moved to her vanity table and sat to take the curlers out of her hair. She was happy with the way the soft curls now fell all the way to her shoulders – the severity of the cut she'd been forced to have after Khaleel had cut her hair off replaced by the softer more feminine length. She liked the way the emerald dress brought out the green in her wide hazel eyes and was amused by the spark of excitement she saw there. Imagine, getting almost giddy over a date with a man she'd been with for three decades. Smiling, she added a touch of gloss to her lips and a dab of perfume behind her ears, the base of her throat, at her wrists and between her breasts. There wouldn't be any sex tonight but that didn't mean she couldn't enjoy the very feminine satisfaction of making Jed want her. She knew it was probably wicked of her to think so, but there was something actually quite exciting in knowing that her husband, the most powerful man in the world, was going to be fiercely wanting her and yet unable to take what he wanted. 

"Abbey? Are you ready to go?" 

Abbey looked up to see Jed standing in the doorway. Her heart gave an extra little beat at the sight of him. He wore a dark charcoal gray double-breasted suit and a deep royal blue tie. She'd always told him she liked him to wear blue ties because they brought out the blue in his cobalt eyes. She loved it when he took her advice. With his bronze hair combed back off his forehead he looked polished, urbane and debonair, as if he'd stepped right off the cover of GQ And, in his arms, he held a large bouquet of red and white roses and a box of chocolates. How much more attractive could he be? It looked like she was going to be getting a taste of her own medicine. Temptation was definitely going to be a two way street. 

"Yeah, I'm ready." 

When he just stood there holding his gifts staring at her, she smiled coquettishly. "Would those things happen to be for me?" 

Jed looked down and realized he'd just been standing there like a big dope taking in the beauty of his wife. "Uh, yes of course they are." He held the roses out to her. "They're red and white." 

"I see that," Abbey grinned and buried her nose in the sweet fragrance of her favorite flower. "And so many of them." 

"Fifty." 

"FIFTY! Good lord, Jed." 

"Fifty roses stand for unconditional love." 

"Leave it to you to know that." Abbey gazed up at him, her eyes shining with the love she had for him. 

"Yeah, and red and white roses together signify unity." 

Abbey reached out a hand to clasp his. "They're beautiful, Jed. Thank you. And what do the chocolates stand for?" 

"They stand for the fact that I have supreme knowledge of the woman I'm dating, and even though she has a peculiar love for health food, her true weakness is a sweet tooth for anything chocolate." 

"Ah...you don't know her all that well then. I have it on great authority that her sweet tooth includes–" 

"Coffee Haagen Daz ice cream. There is a pint sitting in the freezer as we speak." 

"Gloating does not become you, Mr. President?" 

"Are you flirting with me, Ms. Bartlet?" 

"Do you have to ask?" 

"It's been a while, indulge me." 

"Yeah, I'm flirting with you. I always flirt with the cute guys. Now shall we go eat? I'm famished." 

"Your wish is my command." 

Abbey looked up at his charming, handsome face. If only, she thought, wistfully, if only. How many weeks until Valentine's Day? 

**** 

"So, shall we get down to business?" Jed pushed the remnants of his dessert away and leaned back in his chair. "What's the code word we need to discuss tonight?" He was staring across the table at his wife, watching the candlelight create a rosy glow over her creamy complexion, shining and sparkling in her fathomless green eyes and burnishing her bright auburn hair with fiery highlights. She was so beautiful, perhaps more so now as a mature woman than she'd ever been as a girl. 

Abbey basked in his appreciative gaze. Throughout their dinner in a private room at _Brianna's Bistro_ , he had been nothing but attentive, focusing in on her in a way that made her feel as if no one and nothing else existed in his world but her. And when Jed Bartlet focused that considerable charm and that laser beam attention on a person, there was no more heady experience. She hated to break the easy camaraderie they'd been sharing. But as enjoyable as this dinner had been, it was also part of their "homework". 

"Shareef," she told him. 

Jed nodded. It figured. That was where this whole mess had started. "I made a mistake, Abbey, a bad mistake. One that I can't change no matter how much I wish I could." 

"Jed, we've been through this. It wasn't a mistake. You did what you had to do." 

"No, it wasn't a mistake to order the assassination and I won't apologize for wanting to protect you from the fallout of all that, but I was wrong not to tell you when you were in the hospital. I should have been the one to tell you, but I took the coward's way out." 

"And I made you pay, didn't I." Abbey took a sip from her wineglass and leaned back in her chair. "I feel like by punishing you, I failed some kind of test." 

"Test?" 

"All my life, what have I been taught? To forgive is divine. And what have I always tried to teach our children? That people are going to make mistakes. THEY are going to make mistakes, but the important thing is to learn from those mistakes and to be able to forgive others. 'Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us'...It's a prayer I say every night." 

"Sometimes that's not so easy." 

"No, it's not. Being judgmental and angry is much easier. Believe me, I know. Acceptance is so much harder." 

"And have you gotten to that point?" He leaned forward and reached across the table taking her hand in his, his thumb twisting and toying with her wedding rings. 

"Acceptance?" 

He nodded. 

"I don't know. I hope so. I feel like I've worked through so much. I've been able to get to the point where I can view things a little more objectively. I mean, sometimes life throws us a curve. Sometimes horrible, awful things happen to us and when they do, we try so hard to find out why. To find out what we did to cause it to happen, to find someone to blame. But sometimes, there aren't any reasons. Sometimes things just...happen. And if we're lucky, we can learn and grow from the experience. We can let it strengthen us rather than break us." 

"There is nothing that can break us, Abbey. If there's anything I've learned through this whole ordeal, it's that." 

"Then maybe that's what we take from this." 

"Make lemonade from lemons?" That sweet boyish smile touched his lips and Abbey couldn't help but smile back at him. 

"Every day, babe." She lifted his hand to kiss his knuckles. "Every day." 


	3. Time to Heal, A

"That MISERABLE, lily livered, little COCKSUCKER." Abbey Bartlet stormed into the Oval Office, five feet three inches of pure indignation. The room went silent with surprise and Jed, Leo and CJ turned to her. 

"I hope you weren't referring to me, dear," Jed said. 

"No, I was referring to that slimy, little pissant that we are going to have to DESTROY in court." Abbey quickly walked across the room to turn the TV on. CNN was showing excerpts of a taped interview with Jean Paul de Bourbon from prison on this, the week that his trial was to begin, but it was just ending. 

"What did he say?" Jed asked. He knew it had to be bad because Abbey's green eyes were still flashing with anger. 

"He's a lying, manipulative little son of a bitch." 

"You think I'm going to argue with you?" Jed asked. "Tell me what he said." 

"He said that Zoey was in love with him, so in love, that he could get her to do pretty much anything that he wanted. He said that she did drugs with him. He said that security was very lax at the farm. He said that I walked around the halls in my negligee and that he walked in on us having sex in the hot tub. He's made us sound like some kind of decadent, druggie sex fiends!" 

CJ wore a dark frown. From a PR standpoint, this could be incredibly damaging. "Did Zoey do drugs with him?" 

"No!" Abbey snapped. "We've been over this before, CJ. Zoey doesn't do drugs. Leonard has dozens of witnesses, friends who say they never saw Zoey doing drugs with or without Jean Paul and he has a doctor's report from Zoey's last physical that shows a week before the kidnapping she did not have a trace of any drugs in her bloodstream." Leonard was Leonard McElvoy, the prosecutor she, Jed and Zoey had been spending so much time with lately preparing for their part in his case against Jean Paul. 

"And the walking around the hall thing?" 

"It was TWO a.m. Aislinn was fussing and I was going down to get her a bottle. I had a ROBE on, but I was so exhausted I probably hadn't belted it. It's not like I was wandering the halls trying to entice him." 

"And the hot tub?" 

Abbey turned away, her face mutinous, so Jed took over. 

"It was New Year's Eve. He and Zoey left to go to a party. It's not like we were messing around in there with them in the next room or something. It was snowing pretty heavily. The Service made them turn around when they found that the streets hadn't been plowed yet. Abbey and I weren't expecting them. So, uh, yeah, he caught us and from what he said, the little shit probably sat there watching getting his kicks for a quite a while." 

"Okay, this isn't so bad. You have proof about the drug situation. You were a hands-on mother taking care of her child, and, well, the American people are enamored of your love story and the genuine affection you have for one another. I think they like it that their first couple have a healthy physical relationship and really, if they don't know about that by now, they have to be living under a rock." 

"This isn't RIGHT. We're the victims here! Why are they even talking to him? It's all lies and there is nobody there to contradict him. Why don't they talk to us?" 

"Because we refused. Remember? No interviews." 

"Oh...yeah..." 

"Well, we've got some spinning to do," Leo said. "You just relax both of you. We'll fix things." He and CJ turned to leave the room, but as CJ hit the doorway, she turned back to them. 

"You know, I've always thought that the President has a pretty good mouth on him when he's angry, but you're good, ma'am. You're really good. I don't think I've ever heard you curse like that. I'm impressed." 

"You haven't seen her furious all that often. Abbey can cuss with the best of them," Jed told her. 

"I don't like it when they fuck with my family, CJ. It makes my blood boil. They can say what they want about me and Jed, but it's not fair to drag my children into this and it's certainly not fair to LIE about them." 

"I'll talk to the press room." 

"I don't want that trial to be a circus, CJ," Jed warned. 

"I'm not sure how much control we'll have over that, sir. At least the judge didn't allow for cameras to record the proceedings. That will help. Well, I really have to go start spinning this." 

When she left, Abbey turned to Jed moving forward to take his hand and lead him to the couch. "We need to talk." 

"Oh, that's never a good sign." Jed sat with his hand still in Abbey's. "Don't tell me you WERE trying to entice Pierre," he teased. 

"Of course not. There's just something that I wanted to warn you about, something that in your heart of hearts you probably already know but are in denial over." 

"Abbey, spit it out." 

"It may come out during the trial or during our session that Zoey slept with Jean Paul." 

Abbey felt the flinch in Jed's body, watched his jaw tighten. His eyes stayed locked on hers, but he was dead silent. 

"Jed, say something." 

"I'm still processing this. Give me a minute." 

"Jed, they dated for a year. This can't be a surprise to you. WE didn't make it a year." 

"No, but we were in love. We were committed to one another." 

"And Zoey thought she was in love with Jean Paul." 

"Thinking and being are two different things. How did you find out? They weren't doing it at the farm were they?" Jed's eyes narrowed at the idea of Zoey breaking one of his cardinal rules. 

"No, they didn't do it at the farm. Zoey respects us too much for that. She told me about it while we were in New Hampshire and she was seeing Dr. Tyler. She was overwhelmed with guilt, Jed." 

"Well, I know she should have waited until she was married, but..." 

"She didn't feel guilty because she slept with him before they got married." Abbey rolled her eyes. For a brilliant man, her husband could be quite obtuse at times. "She felt guilty because she trusted him and loved him enough to have sex with him and he turned out to be using her. She feels like she slept with the enemy." 

"I suppose she did, didn't she?" 

"Don't you dare tell HER that. She feels bad enough as it is. She made me promise not to tell you, but I didn't want you to be sucker punched with the news." 

"Am I that judgmental?" 

"Given what you just said, I'll let that one go for the moment. She's hurt and she's embarrassed and she thinks that you won't be able to forgive her. She loves you, Jed. She doesn't want you to be disappointed in her." 

"God, Abbey, she's just a kid. It wasn't her fault she didn't see through him. WE didn't see through him." 

"I know that. I just thought you should know. Now we better get going its just about time for our family session with Dr. Chase." 

**** 

Dr. Sonia Chase's gaze moved across the semi circle of Bartlets that sat across from her. She hadn't placed them in any sort of order and found it very telling that they had chosen to sit in their birth order. Jed the patriarch, Abbey the matriarch, then Elizabeth, Ellie, Zoey and Annie. It hadn't taken long for her to get their family dynamics worked out. It was textbook classic. Elizabeth, the eldest, a strong outspoken leader, Ellie the shy, sensitive, bookish, middle daughter, the conciliator between her two stronger willed sisters and Zoey the typical confident, spoiled baby of the family. It was Zoey that she was focusing on at the moment. 

"I understand that Jean Paul de Bourbon's trial starts this week. How are you feeling about that?" 

"Okay, I guess." 

"Zoey, why are you looking at your father?" 

"I don't know," Zoey shrugged. 

"Do you not want him to know how you feel?" 

"I said I'm fine." 

Like father, like daughter Sonia thought. 

Abbey had more insight into her daughter than Sonia Chase and finally she took over. "Zoey, we've talked about this. You've talked to your father about this. You know you can tell us how you're feeling. You don't always have to be the strong, fearless one." 

"I know." 

"Is that how you see your role in the family, Zoey?" 

"I don't know, maybe. I'm the baby. I was supposed to be their boy." 

Both Jed and Abbey sat up and took notice on that one. 

"Zoey, that isn't true. You know we love you – boy or girl. All we wanted was a healthy baby." 

"Come ON, Dad. You guys already had two girls. You can't say that you didn't want a little boy. If that was the case why did you try again a few years later?" 

"Your mother and I always wanted a big family – three or four kids. Ideally, we would have waited until she was finished her residency and in her own practice before starting our family. But, that didn't happen. Once Elizabeth came along we didn't want to wait; we wanted her to have siblings. But, after you were born, your mother was settled into a practice and we decided to have one more child." 

"We wanted a boy," Abbey said softly, admitting what her husband could not. "I wanted to give your father a little boy. I had my girls and I loved you all with all my heart and I know that he couldn't love all of you any more if you were a passel of boys. But, I wanted him to have a son and selfishly, I wanted to have a part of him in a little boy as well." 

"And when you had that little boy and he died, our world came to end for a little while. We lost you, Mom. Not for long, but even though I was only four, I remember how scared that I was. I thought that if you could just have a little boy you'd be happy again." 

"Oh, Zoey, sweetheart." Abbey got to her feet and knelt before her daughter. "I wasn't like that because he was a boy, I was like that because he was my CHILD. If that baby had been another little girl I would have mourned her with the same intensity as I mourned him. That baby was a part of me; he had already changed my body. It was preparing for his birth and for nourishing him when he was here. I felt him moving and kicking and hiccuping inside of me. I had names planned for whether he was a boy or a girl, clothes bought for him, a nursery being decorated for him...he was already a part of our family. He was my child as much as all of you are. You won't know that kind of intensity until you carry your own baby. There is an instant bond there from the moment you know you have conceived, and that bond only grows stronger as the baby becomes more and more real to you. I was never disappointed that any of you were girls and I know that your father wasn't." 

"Never," Jed shook his head. "Of course I'd thought about having a little boy and I thought it would be wonderful, but not any more wonderful than my little girls. Being the father of daughters is special, very, very special. I love Nicholas with all my heart and soul, but if he had been another baby girl I would have been thrilled as well. Zoey, with all that your mother went through with her pregnancy with you, all I prayed for was a healthy baby and when you were born too early, I just prayed that you would survive. I didn't care that you weren't a little boy. You were my little baby girl and I just wanted you to live." 

"So, Zoey, you grew up thinking that you had to be brave and fearless to please your father. Did he put you down when you were weak or scared?" 

"No, never." Zoey's eyes widened. Her father had never scorned her for nightmares or for any show of weakness. "He never said anything. It's just that he was so proud of me when I was strong and...well...I love my dad a lot. I wanted him to be proud of me." 

"Zoey, I'm always proud of you." 

Zoey nodded. "I liked being your baby. Mom always says that I'm a daddy's girl and I can totally see that. I liked that we seemed to have a special bond. At least until college." 

"You didn't like having a special bond with me while you were in college?" Hurt filled Jed's eyes. All those weekends she'd spent in the White House, all those suppers and impromptu visits... had Abbey prodded them on? He'd thought it was because she'd missed him. 

"No, it's not that. It's just, I didn't want to be daddy's little girl anymore. I wanted to be a grown up. I wanted to be seen as an adult." 

"So you started dating Charlie?" Jed asked. 

"Yeah. But you know that didn't work too well. He worked for you. He respects you. He loves you like a father and even when we were dating, he could never let go of the idea that he was dating the boss' daughter. I was always your little girl to him. He was always worried about doing something to offend you, or something to hurt me that would make you angry. I was never just ME – Zoey. I was always Zoey BARTLET to him." 

"So you broke up and in came Frenchie." 

"That was part of it," Zoey nodded. 

"I take it you didn't approve of Jean Paul?" Sonia asked. 

"Uh, you could say that." 

"But you didn't put your foot down; you invited him to your home for the holidays." 

"We don't tell our daughters who they can and can't date," Abbey said sharply. "At least not at this age. We may express our opinions, their father more than myself, but they have the right to make their own choices and their own mistakes." 

"And you knew Jean Paul was a mistake?" 

"I knew Jean Paul was an infatuation. I know my daughter and she has more sense than to be swayed for long by a man like that. So I talked to Jed and we bit our tongues and figured we'd let things run their course." 

"When you say a man like that, what do you mean?" 

"Rude, insufferable, annoying, condescending...." 

"Jed." Abbey rested a hand on her husband's arm to stop him. "He was a good looking, charming jet setter who knew how to use that charm to get what he wanted. He could also be condescending, manipulating and rude as my husband said. I wished I'd looked more closely at him. I didn't take him seriously and I should have. I should have warned Zoey that she was making a mistake getting too close to a person like that." 

"Zoey, what attracted you to Jean Paul?" Sonia turned from Abbey and Jed to their daughter. 

"Well, like my mother said, he was good looking and charming at times and he was a few years older than me, a grad student. In the beginning he made me feel so grown up and so sophisticated. I mean people assume that because I'm the President's daughter, I'm used to this kind of glamorous lifestyle, but that's so far from the truth it's laughable. I grew up on a farm in Candia, New Hampshire, in the middle of nowhere. A working farm. Yes, we had money. Yes, we had a house full of antiques and expensive furniture. Yes, I never had to worry about anything that I might need or want. And yes, we took great trips to Europe and Egypt and all over the United States, but I grew up mucking stalls, nursing calves and picking apples. I was in 4-H. I was a Girl Scout and my life centered around horse shows. I grew up attending the Deerfield Fair not fashion shows." 

"Sounds like your life was a lot different before your father became President." 

"It was. Being the daughter of the governor of a tiny fairly rural state like New Hampshire was a far cry from the Presidency. I grew up like a normal child, with a few inaugurations thrown in here and there and a few teas at the Governor's Mansion in Concord with my mother. When I came to Washington I sometimes felt a little bit like a country bumpkin. With Charlie, I didn't feel that way. I was the daughter of the President; I was the lead in the relationship. I was the sophisticated one." 

"And that wasn't the case with Jean Paul?" 

"No, not at all. He could not care less that I was the daughter of the President of the United States. He descended from the House of Bourbon and to him that was much grander than being the daughter of an ELECTED official. He thought I was this sweet, innocent, naïve little American girl. He thought I was bourgeoisie. I didn't want to be. I wanted to be sophisticated and glamorous like the other girls he dated, at least, I thought I did." 

"What made you change your mind?" 

"My mother always told me that if a boy truly loves you, he loves you warts and all. He won't want to change you. Jean Paul didn't love me the way that I was. He didn't love the girl who mucked out stalls and had Sunday dinner with her parents. He loved the club hopping co-ed I tried to be for him. But, I didn't love her; she wasn't me, not completely. I had fun at the clubs sometimes but it wasn't something I wanted to do every night. He wanted me to be someone that I wasn't. He wanted me to do things that I wasn't comfortable with." 

"Drugs?" Sonia gazed down at the file on her lap. "Ecstasy to be exact." 

Zoey looked down at the floor unable to look at either her parents or her sisters. Drugs were a huge issue in her family. Her mother was a doctor and she'd lectured all of them from Elizabeth down to Annie on the dangers of using them. Her father was very involved with the Manchester soup kitchen and would constantly point homeless drug addicts out to her to show her how drugs could destroy a person's life. They were illegal and they were dangerous and they were something Zoey had been determined to stay away from. Until Jean-Paul. 

"Zoey," Jed's voice was soft and gentle. "Honey, we already know about the drugs." 

Zoey looked up at her father and felt her cheeks flush with embarrassment. "I didn't do drugs, Dad. You have to believe me. Jean Paul did drugs. He smoked pot and he liked to do ecstasy at parties. He wanted me to do it too. He teased me and he taunted me because I wouldn't. I almost caved in. I thought about it even though I knew it was wrong, even though I didn't want to." 

"Why would you compromise yourself like that? Did you think he would love you if you capitulated?" 

"No. I thought he would stop taunting me. I thought I would show him I wasn't a daddy's girl." 

"You said you almost caved in. You never did the ecstasy." 

Zoey shook her head negatively. "I couldn't shake all the things my parents had said to me over the years. I know that drugs are nothing to mess around with, I know how dangerous they can be both physically for myself and politically for my dad. If I got caught doing drugs, that would be a huge mess for my dad to have to deal with politically." 

"So, you didn't want to cause problems for your father." 

"No. I guess I'll always be a daddy's girl, won't I?" Zoey smiled wryly at her parents. 

"Loving and caring for your parents is not a bad thing, Zoey." 

"I know that. I know that even more now. My parents have been really great, really supportive. But...sometimes that only makes me feel worse." 

"Worse?" Jed frowned. Women, would he ever understand them? 

"Yes, worse because you've all been so supportive and yet if I hadn't gotten involved with Jean Paul none of this would have happened. You opened your home to him even though you didn't like him because I asked you to. You trusted me not to bring evil into our home and that's what I did. I let him touch us." 

"Zo, honey, there is no way you could have known what he was up to," Jed assured her. "He was good, very good and he had a great cover. What makes you think you should have been able to figure out that he was up to no good when even the Secret Service didn't know?" 

"They weren't the ones DATING him. They weren't the ones sl...." 

Jed braced himself for the word he knew was coming, remembering the warning Abbey had given him, but Zoey stopped herself. Telling her mother she had slept with Jean Paul was one thing. Telling her father was a whole other ballgame. 

"They weren't the ones who spent so much time with him. He could be so attentive and so charming and all the time he didn't mean a word of what he was saying to me. He was using me, laughing at me and all the while he was planning to help in what very easily could have been the death of my mother, my sister and me. It makes me SICK to think that I was even in the same room with him, never mind that I let him touch me." 

"It sounds like you still have a lot of anger where Jean Paul is concerned." 

"I do. I can't wait to see him put away behind bars for a very, very long time." 

"Will that make you feel better?" 

"Immensely. He needs to pay for what he did. For what I let him do." 

"Zoey, do you think your family blames you for what happened?" 

"I wouldn't blame them if they did." 

"Zoey, it wasn't your fault." Ellie was on her feet as quickly as Abbey was and Liz wasn't far behind. The three women surrounded her chair. "He was an evil, evil, man." 

"A lying sack of shit," Elizabeth added. 

"A miserable, self important, little prick." Abbey put her arm around Zoey's shoulders. "You have nothing to blame yourself for, baby." 

Jed sat back for a moment watching his women comfort one of their own. He'd always loved to see this. There were times when they had knock down drag out fights, but God forbid anyone outside the family hurt one of them. Then they were a force to be reckoned with and, Lord above, how he loved them. 

"They're right, Zoey." Jed leaned forward resting a hand on her knee. "This wasn't your fault. But, I do understand how you're feeling." 

"You do?" Zoey looked up with surprise. 

"Absolutely. Every time I look at you and Aislinn and your mother I think of what you went through because of me. I think of how close I came to losing you all. I'M the reason this happened, Zoey. ME, not you." 

"But, you still have us, Daddy." Zoey placed her hand over her father's and squeezed. 

"And it wasn't your fault." Ellie laid her arm loyally over his shoulder resting her chin on the top of his head. "You did everything you could to get Mom and the girls back and all the while your heart...." Ellie stopped herself unsure of whether her father wanted such a private time revealed." 

"While his heart was what, Ellie?" Sonia prodded. 

Ellie looked to Jed for guidance, breathing with relief at the slight nod of his head. "All the while his heart was breaking." 

"How do you know this. Did he tell you?" 

"No, he wouldn't say anything like that, but it was pretty obvious. When I got to the White House, I heard him. He was in the bedroom crying into my mother's nightgown. I've never heard him cry like that." 

Abbey's head turned to her husband. It was not often that she thought about what kind of hell that he had been through while she was gone, but Ellie's words brought the reality of his pain to her with the force of a blow. 

"And then, he wouldn't eat and he couldn't sleep." 

"Why couldn't you eat and sleep, Jed?" 

"Why do you think? I was a twisted bundle of nerves. I lived in terror of getting news that my family had been killed. Just the idea of food made me sick. And sleeping? How could I sleep not knowing where my girls were or what was happening to them. Every time I closed my eyes, I could hear them screaming for me to help them and where was I? Laying on a nice comfortable bed." 

"Couch." Ellie reminded him. 

"Couch?" Abbey asked. 

"I couldn't sleep in our bed. It didn't seem right. It had too many memories and I kept thinking of our last night in that bed and the guilt almost did me in." 

"What happened the night before to create such guilt?" Sonia asked. 

"Aislinn had a nightmare and came up into bed with us. She curled up in my arms and I promised her that I wouldn't let the monsters get her. The next day the monsters got her. Dammit, I'm supposed to PROTECT my family." 

"It's a natural urge to want to protect the ones that we love, but that isn't always possible. You weren't there when it happened." 

"And even if you had there was nothing that you could have done," Abbey added. "They drugged us, I could barely see straight by the time they got me into the van." 

"Intellectually, I know what you're saying. Emotionally, no matter what anyone says I'm always going to feel the urge to protect all my family from the monsters and I'll feel guilty when I can't." 

"That's the natural urge of any parent," Abbey added. "You don't think I felt guilty that I couldn't keep the monsters from breaking Aislinn's arm? That I sent my daughters off into the wilderness not knowing if they were going to make it out alive or not?" 

"Or that I didn't feel guilty that my mother and sisters were being held hostage and I was feeling RELIEF that my own daughter had not been taken." Elizabeth placed an arm over Annie's shoulders and pulled her close. 

"Or that I didn't feel guilty because a part of me was loving that for the first time in his life, Daddy needed ME?" Ellie stood with her hand still on Jed's shoulder and tears burning in her Bartlet blue eyes. "That for once I got to be the strong one, the one that he leaned on, the one that he turned to." 

"I felt guilty too." Annie's voice was barely above a whisper. For most of the session, the young girl just barely into her teens had been an observer not saying much of anything. 

"Why did you feel guilty, honey?" Abbey asked, her attention moving from Zoey to Annie. 

"Because I kept thinking that if only Gramps hadn't run for President, everyone would be okay." Annie turned her big blue eyes reluctantly toward Jed, but she didn't see anger in the eyes that matched her own, she saw love and compassion. 

"We all suffered because of this," Jed said, reaching out to take the child's hand. "We were all in a lot of pain. Unfortunately instead of coming together to share that pain, we all went into our own corners to lick our wounds. We can't do that anymore." 

"These feelings of guilt that you've expressed are perfectly natural. Abbey, you're a mother. There is no more primal need than a mother's urge to protect her young. Of course you feel guilty that you couldn't prevent Aislinn from being hurt. And Elizabeth, of course, you felt relief that your child had been spared; that didn't mean you weren't hurting and scared for your mother and your sisters. And Ellie, you said that you often felt like the odd one out at times with your father, that Elizabeth and Zoey were more like him and that you had a perception at times that he liked them better. It's only natural that you were warmed by his need for you and that you enjoyed being there for him, being the one to be able to comfort him. In my eyes that is a real positive that came out of this experience. And Annie, oftentimes, when things like this happen we have a very real need to place blame. There has to be someone to blame; someone to take our anger out on. You are all only human and you are experiencing real human emotions and that is actually quite healthy." 

"And a lot less scary." 

"What do you mean by scary, Zoey?" 

"I mean at least we're talking here, especially Mom and Dad. Sometimes when we were at the farm, it was like Mom was a robot just going through the motions of living. I mean, physically, she was there but a lot of the time I could just tell that she was far away." 

"Far away, how?" 

"I don't know. It's like she would just turn inside herself and she'd go off on these long walks for hours on end. And, when I tried to talk about it with her, to find out what was bothering her, she would just close off to me. I hated to see her like that. She wasn't the same person she was before it happened. She didn't laugh and joke and tease us and I was afraid she might never come back to us." 

"And...has she?" 

Zoey turned to look at her mother. There was a light and life in her mother's eyes that had not been there for a very long time. "It took a long time, but yes. Christmas morning we got our mother back." 

"It was the best gift that any of us got." Her eyes shiny with unshed tears, Ellie took her mother's hand. 

"Well, I think that's an uplifting way to end our session today. I think we've made some real progress. Jed was right earlier. You all tried to deal with your problems on your own and in your own ways, but that wasn't working. Now it's time to rely on each other. Use each other's strengths to get you through this and remember, if there comes a time that you are struggling, that these are the people who know you better than anyone else in the world. You share more than hair color or eye color or temperaments. You share a history and a lifetime of love. Nobody can help any better than these people in this room." 

> _When darkness falls upon your heart and soul._  
>  I'll be the light that shines for you.   
> When you forget how beautiful you are   
> I'll be there to remind you.   
> When you can't find your way,   
> I'll find my way to you.   
> When troubles come around,   
> I will come to you. 
> 
> I'll be your shoulder when you need someone to lean on.   
> Be your shelter.   
> When you need someone to see you through.   
> I'll be there to carry you.   
> I'll be there.   
> I'll be the rock that will be strong for you.   
> The one that will hold on to you.   
> When you feel that rain falling down.   
> When there's nobody else around.   
> I'll be. 
> 
> And when you're there with no one there to hold.   
> I'll be the arms that reach for you.   
> And when you feel your faith is running low.   
> I'll be there to believe in you.   
> When all you find are lies.   
> I'll be the truth you need.   
> When you need someone to run to.   
> You can run to me 
> 
> I'll be your shoulder when you need someone to lean on.   
> Be your shelter.   
> When you need someone to see you through.   
> I'll be there to carry you.   
> I'll be there.   
> I'll be the rock that will be strong for you.   
> The one that will hold on to you.   
> When you feel that rain falling down.   
> When there's nobody else around.   
> I'll be. 
> 
> I'll be the sun.   
> When your heart's filled with rain.   
> I'll be the one.   
> To chase the rain away. 
> 
> I'll be your shoulder when you need someone to lean on.   
> Be your shelter.   
> When you need someone to see you through.   
> I'll be there to carry you.   
> I'll be there.   
> I'll be the rock that will be strong for you.   
> The one that will hold on to you.   
> When you feel that rain falling down.   
> When there's nobody else around.   
> I'll be.   
> I'll be.   
>    ( _I'll Be_ by Reba McEntire)

**** 

"Mommy, I get a ball for my turn." 

Abbey was standing at the top of a bowling lane in the White House bowling alley helping Aislinn to roll her ball down the bumper lined alley and turned to see her son just as he was about to lift one of the balls she was sure was too heavy for him. Picturing broken toes after he dropped the ball on his foot, she yelled to Jed to stop him. 

Jed was only a couple of feet away and made a diving grab to pull his son away before he could hurt himself. 

"Nicholas, I told you that you need to ask a grown up to get you a ball." 

"I WANT a ball. I want to PAY, Daddy." 

"All you have to do is ask, buddy." Zoey bent to lift one of the balls for him. "Now you can play." 

"Daddy, LOOKIT!" 

Jed looked up to see Aislinn bouncing on her toes as she and Abbey watched her ball inch its way at a snail's pace toward the pins in the center. When the ball did finally hit the pins, they all began to fall as if in slow motion. 

"YAY!" Aislinn clapped with glee and slapped her mother five. 

"That's the way, Ash!" Ellie picked her baby sister up and swung her around. "You knocked eight pins down. You just gave us the lead." 

"We beat Daddy?" 

"Not yet, but we will." 

"Awfully confident over there, aren't you, Bartlet?" 

"Always confident, BARTLET," Ellie shot back at him. 

Abbey watched the exchange with a tender smile. It was nice to watch her husband and middle daughter trading competitive quips. It was something they hadn't done in a very long time. There had definitely been a shift in their relationship. A true blossoming. 

"Well, we've got our secret weapon about to go right now." Jed turned his attention to helping his son make his way to the line before dropping his ball with a thud. The children waited with bated breath and when Nicky's ball hit the pins, Aislinn shouted with as much excitement as he did. 

"You did it, Nicky! You did it!" She gave her brother a big hug completely unmindful of the fact that they were on opposing teams. 

"I hit de pins. I de the pins!" 

"You sure did, buddy." Jed grinned and ruffled his hair. 

"Can I go next, Papa Jed?" 

Jed turned to see Gus standing patiently with his small ball in his hand. Since they were from New England, Jed had installed candlepin as the game of choice, so the bowling balls were much smaller. "Of course you can, son. Go knock some pins down." 

They all watched as Gus pretty much threw his bowling ball down the alley. All three children danced excitedly urging the ball toward the pins as it ricocheted from bumper to bumper before finally smashing into some pins much to their shrieking delight. 

"Now that's the way it should be," Abbey wrapped an arm around Jed's waist. "Families should always cheer each other on." 

"Spoken like a true loser." 

"Loser!" Abbey pulled away with narrowed eyes. 

"You're down by nine, babe. You need nine to tie. Ten to win. You haven't knocked down ten pins all night." 

"Ten pins you say?" 

"Ten." 

"Go MOM!" Zoey cheered as Abbey picked up a bowling ball. 

"Go Mommy! Go Mommy!" The twins formed their own cheering section. 

Abbey gave them a grin and a thumbs up, then stepped up to the lane. She stared down at the pins and bent at the waist, wiggling her jean clad rear as if in preparation, all the while knowing that it would get Jed's blood stirring. 

"Are you going to dance or are you going to bowl?" 

Abbey grinned at the frustration in his voice. Yup, his blood was stirring all right. She turned to him, her auburn hair falling aside like a curtain, to reveal her impish smile to him. "Eat your heart out, babe." 

Three balls later, Abbey was being high fived and slapped on the back having gotten her first ten of the night. Jed hung back pretending to be grumpier than he was. Although he never liked losing, he was just enjoying watching his family play together. He made his way over to the cheering group. 

"Well?" Abbey faced him, hands on hips. "Got something to say to me?" 

"Yeah, as a matter of fact I do. Great job, BABE." He gave her a sharp tap on that cute wiggling little butt of hers. 

"Nobody calls me a loser, Mr. President. Nobody. Now–" She turned to where the children were struggling to put their shoes back on. "Who's hungry?" 

"Depends. What are we eating?" Elizabeth asked. 

"Why don't you come and see." 

**** 

"So, what do you think? You having a good time?" Jed took a long sip from his thick strawberry shake. 

"I think this was just what the doctor ordered." Abbey dipped a French fry in ketchup and popped it into her mouth before sipping from her own chocolate shake. It had been ages since she'd dined on cheeseburgers, fries and milk shakes, especially after a night of bowling. Tonight the Bartlets were just like thousands of other families all over America, only they had a bowling alley right in their own house. Abbey's gaze moved to the table set up next to them where all five of their children and Annie and Gus were devouring their meals. 

"And, I think you know the way to a woman's heart is through her kids." 

"So, you think they like me?" 

"I think you could say that. You have a certain appeal to children." 

"Really, so you don't think they'll mind me dating their mother." 

"Why don't you ask?" 

"Hey, kids," Jed called over. "What do you think about me dating your mother?" 

"I think that ship has sailed," Elizabeth quipped. 

"Aw come on. Don't you think it's time I made an honest woman of her?" 

"What's a honest woman?" Aislinn asked, her brow furrowed with confusion. 

"It means Mom and Dad are weird," Zoey laughed. 

"Mommy, Daddy, you is weird," Aislinn giggled. 

"Don't you believe a word of it, kiddo." Jed turned from Aislinn back to Abbey. "You got some real smart asses over there." 

"They take after their father." 

"Yeah? He must have been a great looking guy, because that is a great looking brood that you have." 

"I was always told they take after me," she grinned. 

"Maybe the two red-heads, but the blondes? Hmmm...I see someone else entirely." 

"Well, their dad is pretty good looking, I'll give you that." 

"And pretty virile by the looks of things." 

"Oh, well I don't know about that. Maybe I was just very fertile." 

"I suppose that could be the case. But I have it on good authority that he was quite a stud." 

"A stud? Really? Well, would you care to see if you measure up in that department." 

"You bet your sweet ass I would. But... there's a problem. I can't have sex until Valentine's Day. I promised." 

"Well, that IS too bad," Abbey ran her hand suggestively up Jed's denim covered thigh. 

"But you know," Jed shifted in his seat, his hand covering hers urging it higher up his thigh. "Promises were made to broken." 

"And what if I'm not that kind of girl." 

"You've got five kids, I think you are." 

"Did you just insult me?" 

"Absolutely not, there's nothing insulting about being a passionate woman." 

Laughter from the other table turned Abbey and Jed's attention and they watched Zoey stop Nicholas from sticking a French fry up his nose. 

"You sure you want to take us on," Abbey laughed. 

"I can't think of anything I'd like better." 


	4. Time to Heal, A

Pandemonium erupted as soon as the motorcade came to a stop in front of the federal courthouse. Photographers slammed into each other, pushing and shoving against the rope that held them back from the stone stairwell. Cameramen panned in on the doorway to the big black car that held the Bartlet family and TV news reporters held their microphones ready to start reporting at any minute. The frenzy only increased when the Secret Service opened the doors and the Bartlets began to disembark. The first out was the President who leaned back in the door and held out his hand to help out the women in his family First the First Lady, then Zoey, then Ellie and finally Elizabeth. All wore warm wool winter jackets and dark sunglasses that covered their eyes so as not betray any emotion. 

"There they are! There they are!" 

"Mr. President, will you be taking the witness stand?" 

"Zoey, are you nervous?" 

"Mrs. Bartlet, how do you feel about the things Jean Paul de Bourbon said about you in his televised interview?" 

All questions were ignored as the President and Mrs. Bartlet took Zoey's hands in theirs and walked with her between them up the stairwell, Ellie and Elizabeth right behind them, heads down. Neither Ellie nor Elizabeth had been subpoenaed to appear; they were merely attending as moral support for their younger sister and their mother. 

Once they were safely inside the courthouse, District Attorney Leonard McElvoy approached the Bartlet family. 

"Hello, sorry about that circus out there." 

"Nothing you can do about that," Jed said. By now he was used to media frenzy. "As long as it doesn't follow in here." 

"No, this is a federal case. Cameras aren't allowed, however, there will be reporters present. But, I don't want you to worry, I won't let things ever get out of hand." He turned to the youngest member of the Bartlet family present. Zoey Bartlet wasn't his whole case, but she was a big part of it. "You ready, Zoey?" he asked. 

"As I'll ever be." Zoey felt nauseous and Abbey heard the slight quiver in her voice. 

"We're right here with you, Zo, every step of the way." 

Zoey gave her mother a smile to reassure her she was up for this then turned to look at her father. 

"You just get up there and be strong and tell the truth. Whatever else happens, that's all you can do and no matter what happens I'm very, very proud of you." 

"Thank you, Daddy." Zoey leaned over to kiss his cheek. 

"Okay, well, I have to go in now. You three will have to wait out here and you'll be called individually to the witness stand. First you, Mrs. Bartlet, then you, Mr. President, then Mr. Butterfield and then Zoey." 

Abbey, Zoey and the girls sat but Jed walked with Leonard to the courtroom door. 

"I want you to do whatever you have to do to get that little fucker convicted AND I want the book thrown at him. Don't screw this up." 

"I won't, sir. You'll get justice. I promise you." 

Jed nodded and Leonard watched him move back to take his seat with his wife and daughters. He and Mrs. Bartlet had placed Zoey between them again and each held her hand. 

Zoey gripped those hands tightly when Jean Paul de Bourbon was led into the courtroom wearing a suit and a mocking smirk as he took in his former girlfriend wedged between her parents, both of whom glared at him with hatred burning in their eyes. 

Zoey had matured a lot in the five months since she had seen Jean Paul. She didn't have to prove to anyone that she was an adult. She knew who she was and enjoying the support of her parents did not make her weak or childish, it made her a member of a family – a family who supported one another no matter what. Her eyes met his head on. She'd been dreading this moment for months now, had worried about how she might react to seeing him in person for the first time since the kidnapping. It wasn't as bad as she'd thought it would be. She really was a different person now and she could view him and their relationship more objectively. With the therapy and her subsequent talks with her parents had come both understanding and inner peace and now when she looked at Jean Paul de Bourbon all she felt was contempt. 

"You okay, hon?" Abbey leaned over to whisper to her daughter. 

"I'll be fine, don't worry. I'm not going to let him get to me." 

"That's the spirit," Abbey smiled. 

"You know there is something that I have to wonder though." 

"What's that?" 

"What the hell I ever saw in him. He's not even really that good looking." 

"Well, you know the saying. You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find your prince..." 

"You didn't." 

Abbey gazed across her daughter to where her husband sat, his eyes burning into the back of Jean Paul's head as he entered the courtroom. "You're right, I didn't. But, I guess I was one of the lucky ones." 

**** 

"I went to see him while he was still in the hospital." Jed sat on the witness stand, his steely gaze focused on Jean Paul de Bourbon. 

"Why did you go to visit Mr. de Bourbon?" 

"I didn't VISIT him." Jed's voice was bitter. "My wife and daughters were still missing. I wanted some answers." 

"And did you get them?" 

"Not the ones that I wanted. I wanted him to tell me where they were being held." 

"What answers did you get?" 

"That my wife and daughters were somewhere in Pennsylvania and that his job had been to lure them into the barn..." 

"Objection, your honor." 

"And, he told me why he did it," Jed continued on. 

"OBJECTION!" Jean Paul's lawyer jumped to his feet. "That information was given under duress, the President had just punched my client in the face and was threatening to do so again." 

An audible murmur rose in the courtroom loud enough for the judge to rap his gavel for order. 

"Is this true, Mr. President?" the judge asked. 

"Yes, Your Honor. He was making lewd comments about my daughter and my wife. I let my anger get the better of me and I punched him, but I didn't coerce him in any way." 

"I'll allow it." 

"Why did he do it, Mr. President? What did he get for his part in this kidnapping?" 

"Money." 

"Objection, your honor. The President is speculating on motive." 

"Your Honor, the President is not speculating. He had a conversation with the accused and in the conversation, Jean Paul de Bourbon told him why he'd gotten involved in the kidnapping." 

"I'll allow it. Overruled. You may answer the question." 

"He did it for the money. His family's home is falling apart. They were going to give him enough money to return it to its ancient splendor, as he put it." 

"Thank you, Mr. President. No further questions." 

**** 

Jed took Abbey's hand as Joe Stevens, Jean Paul's defense lawyer, approached where Zoey sat on the witness stand. Ron had just finished testifying to the accuracy of Jed's testimony. A feeling of déjà vu swept over him as he looked at his daughter's pale face. She was wearing a pale blue dress and matching cardigan her long straight red hair pulled back by a headband and she looked so young and so innocent. He'd had to sit through something like this once before, only that time it had been his wife being interrogated and berated and left feeling as if she'd been raped again. He knew how badly Zoey might be victimized here and he could already feel his blood pressure rising before the man even spoke. 

"When you were together, had Jean Paul de Bourbon ever given you any indication to believe that he was working with anyone else, that he was interested in anything other than being your boyfriend?" 

"No." 

"Then how do you know that he was interested in anything other than being your boyfriend?" 

"He drugged me." 

"You never took drugs with him? A young, beautiful young woman alone in a foreign country with her rich boyfriend, going to parties, hanging out with friends. You never experimented with drugs?" 

"Never." 

"He says you did. In fact, he says that everything that happened between you two, happened with your knowledge and your cooperation." 

"He DRUGGED me! He drugged me and my mother and my baby sister. Even if I were doing drugs with him, why would I involve my mother and my sister?" 

"So, you admit that you did drugs with him." 

Abbey felt Jed's hand grip hers tightly. Feeling angry and helpless, she turned to look at her husband and knew from the tic in his clenched jaw and the flush of red that infused his face that he was feeling the same. 

If Joe Stevens hoped to rattle his young witness, he had underestimated Zoey Bartlet's strength. 

"Don't twist my words around, Mr. Stevens," Zoey's voice was cold and firm. "I told you that I don't do drugs, I was simply stating how ridiculous it is for anyone to say that I would involve my mother and my two year old sister. And it was GHB that was found in my and my mother's bloodstreams why would I give myself the date rape drug?" 

"Isn't it true the GHB was found in your bloodstream once you were brought in to the hospital after being found in Pennsylvania?" 

"Yes." 

"Well, that was two days later. Any one of the men who held you captive could have given you those drugs." 

"Yes, they could have, but I was feeling the effects of the drugs BEFORE we were taken captive, when we were in the barn Jean Paul took us to. He put it in the lemonade." 

"Did you see him put it in the lemonade?" 

"Of course not, how stupid do you think I am? If I'd seen him put it in I certainly wouldn't have drank it." 

"Well, then, you can't be sure it was Jean Paul. Was he there during the kidnapping? Was he in that trailer with you, your mom, your sister, and Mr. Ziegler?" 

"I don't know," she mumbled. 

"Did you see him?" 

She hesitated before answering, "No." 

"Then how do you know he was part of the plot at all?" 

"He did this. I heard his voice in the barn when they came forward with Toby...Mr. Ziegler. He helped them do this." 

"Perhaps he unintentionally made it easier for them to get to you, but to say that he helped them...wouldn't that be just like me saying that you helped Jean-Paul, what with giving him access to your family, to the very people you knew were your father's weaknesses?" 

Zoey swallowed tightly her face paling. Abbey gave a sharp intake of breath and held tightly to Jed's hand fearful that he might leap to his feet and go for Joe Stevens's throat. 

"It wasn't my fault." Zoey's voice started out as little more than a whisper, but it grew stronger as her gaze settled on her parents and her sisters drawing strength from their support and her eyes finally rested on Jean Paul. "I thought Jean Paul was my boyfriend. I thought that he cared about me, I had no idea that the entire time he was dating me, he was helping Qumari terrorists plan a kidnapping of my family and me. I had no idea that there was such evil in his soul. I may be guilty of having been played for a fool, but what he did was not my fault. It was his fault and he needs to pay for that." 

"No further questions." 

The last witness of the day was Zoey's doctor who backed up everything she'd said about not doing drugs. What Jean Paul and his lawyer hadn't known was that just a week before Zoey was kidnapped, she'd had her yearly physical and had also had her blood tested so that she could make a donation in a campus blood drive. That blood test had not shown any trace of drugs, which had she been doing any within a month of the test would definitely have shown up. 

When Dr. Landry was finished testifying and court was adjourned everyone rose to leave, including the Bartlets. Zoey didn't even want to look at Jean Paul as she passed by him. In fact, no contact would have been made had Jean Paul not brazenly stepped to the wooden rail that separated him from the President, First Lady and their family. 

"I'm not guilty, you know," he said belligerently. 

"Tell it to the jury." Jed continued to usher his wife and daughters along. 

"You just can't stand it, can you?" Jean Paul's voice oozed with contempt. "You want to put me away just cause I fucked your virginal little girl." 

Jed froze, then turned back on the man, his eyes icy with anger his fingers clenching in a fist. 

"Of course, after watching your very sexy, very uninhibited wife in action, I'd have to say you got the better deal. She could teach Zoey a thing or two." 

Before Jed could even react, Abbey stepped in front of him her hand smacking against Jean Paul's cheek so hard and so loud the entire courtroom hushed. 

"Do you know how long I've wanted to do that?" Abbey seethed. Bailiffs moved to restrain Jean Paul and the Secret Service immediately swarmed to make sure things didn't get out of hand, but Abbey ignored them all, her attention still focused on the man in front of her. "You're a smarmy, self important, arrogant, indolent, egotistical weak assed WEASEL. You aren't fit to step on the ground that my daughter walks on, and you're going to spend the next thirty years in prison paying for what you did to us. I'm sure they'll love a pretty boy like you in Leavenworth." 

Jed wanted desperately to add his two cents, but he'd had his moment with Jean Paul in the hospital room. This was Abbey's moment – her chance to finally confront the man who had led to her kidnapping face to face. So, instead he glared at the young man and led his family from the courtroom. 

**** 

"Hey, may I come in?" Abbey tapped lightly on Zoey's bedroom door. 

"Sure, Mom." Zoey set down the book she was reading and watched her mother enter the room in her bathrobe carrying a tray with two steaming mugs and a plate of cookies. 

"What have you got there?" she asked. 

"Comfort food. Your favorite oatmeal chocolate chunk cookies and Gramma Beth's hot toddies guaranteed to help you sleep." 

"'cause they're usually loaded with alcohol." 

Abbey laughed. "I suppose that's true." 

"You never let me try a real one before." For as long as Zoey could remember, hot buttered rum had been a favorite winter warming drink for her parents, but she'd never been allowed to partake. 

"That's because you were never 'of age' before. You are now, so here's your first hot toddy, no more virgin's for you." Abbey winced at the term she'd just used knowing she might have hit a nerve. "Sorry." She reached out a hand to lay on Zoey's pajama clad knee. 

"It's okay, Mom," Zoey smiled and accepted the steaming mug. 

"Are you doing okay, baby?" Abbey's hand moved up to push silky strands of Zoey's red hair behind her ear so she could see her face. 

"I feel better, Mom, I really do. I think today was really cathartic for me in a way." She sipped her hot drink then settled back against her pillows, pulling the blankets aside so her mother could climb in beside her. Abbey lifted her arm and Zoey cuddled up to her side much as she had when she was a child and needed comforting. "I was dreading it for so long that I think I built it up in my mind to be much worse than it ended up being. And, now it's done, it's over. I got the chance to look Jean Paul in the eye and confront him with what he did and that feels really, really good." 

"I was so proud of you up there on that stand today. You kept your composure and behaved with dignity. More dignity than myself, I'm afraid." 

"Mom," Zoey pulled back and looked up into her mother's face. "You were GREAT. Jean Paul deserved that slap. I never knew you had such a great right hook." 

"Yeah, well, that's two of us. He's just lucky I didn't use some of the moves Ron Butterfield taught me in my self-defense classes." 

"There is one good thing that came out of what happened. I realized when Jean Paul was saying those horrible things about me that he couldn't really hurt me anymore because I no longer care what he thinks about me. He means nothing to me anymore. I mean I'll always have regrets about getting involved with him, but like Sonia says, that doesn't have to affect the rest of my life. Everyone has regrets in their life and I'll always regret that I let him push me into being the first man I had sex with. I wish the first guy I had slept with had been for the right reasons, that he had truly loved me." 

"I wish that for you too, honey. I hate that that your first time is something you'll look back on with regret." 

"I know a lot of girls who have those regrets but they did it a lot younger than me. You know girls who felt pressured into things and really weren't ready. I always prided myself on being strong enough not to be pushed into things. You taught me to value myself more than that. Then, Jean Paul came along. I thought I loved him, but I think I was really just in love with the idea of being in love. And, he had a way of making me feel so foolish and childish for still being a virgin. He said he needed it, that it physically hurt him to stop." 

"Oh, I know exactly what he said to you. Jean Paul de Bourbon didn't invent the frustrated male." 

Zoey's eyes widened with surprise. She knew her father had been her mother's first and only lover. "Did Daddy pressure you like that?" 

"No, not your father. Boyfriends I had before him. Especially my last boyfriend before I met your dad." 

"Ron Erlich?" 

"Yeah, after we'd been dating for a while he felt it was time I put out." 

"But you stuck to your guns, to your moral beliefs." 

"I did, but not because I'm some kind of saint. I didn't sleep with him because I didn't love him. It was as simple as that. And maybe a little stubbornness. I didn't like that he EXPECTED me to do it, like I owed it to him or something. Then of course I met your dad and really fell in love for the first time in my life. And believe me, Zo, he could assure you that a man cannot die of the physical pain of a frustrated erection." 

"Oh, God, MOM. That's more information than I need to know." 

"I'm just saying that this kind of thing has been going on since the dawn of time." 

"I know, but it's just you and Dad...and him having..." Zoey shuddered then gazed up at her Abbey. "Can I ask you a question?" 

"You know you can ask me anything." 

Zoey nibbled on the edge of a cookie. "Where did you guys...um...where was your first time?" 

"You sure you won't be grossed out." 

"Probably, but I'm just curious to find out where two good little Catholic students would get it on." 

"The barn at the farm." 

"OUR farm?!" Zoey gasped. 

"Well, back then it wasn't OUR farm," Abbey chuckled. "Back then it was your great grandparents' farm and I was spending the weekend. Your dad proposed to me and well, we went into the barn and we lost our virginity together." 

"Oh, I don't need details," Zoey scrunched her eyes shut. "My barn, you really did it in MY barn." 

"Technically, it's not YOUR barn, dear. And, yes, we went up into the loft. And, you want to know something else?" She leaned forward as if in confidence. "Over the years that wasn't the only time we had an actual roll in the hay." 

"Oh God, Mom, now every time I go in that barn I'm going to think about you and Daddy doing the wild thing in there." Zoey shuddered. 

"That will teach you not to ask questions when you aren't prepared for the answers. Now, would you like to know where you were conceived?" 

"No, for heaven's sake, please spare me that." 

**** 

"Ma'am, there's somebody here to see you." Abbey's secretary poked her head into her boss' office. 

"I didn't think I had any appointments for today," Abbey frowned. "I'm up to my eyeballs in paperwork that I didn't get done thanks to the trial." 

"I think you're going to want to meet with this guy. He's really good looking, a total babe. He's a definite 10 on a scale of 1 to 10." 

"Leann, since when do I take appointments on the merits of someone's babeness?" 

"When he happens to be the leader of the free world." Jed stepped into the room dressed in a tuxedo. He was carrying one red rose and a bottle of Dom Perignon. 

Abbey eyed him over the top of her reading glasses and smiled at him, the smile reaching all the way to her eyes. How nice it was to stop in here and see her face light up again at seeing him. 

"Uhh...Was there something I forgot? We can't pretend it's Valentine's Day, you know. That's cheating." 

"I'm wounded that you think so little of me. But, you know that's a really great idea. You sure we couldn't just tell Sonia it was a dream, that we were like sleep walking or something." 

"Sleep making love?" Abbey lifted a brow and got to her feet to approach him her fingers reaching out to run over his lapel. "I'm not sure she'd buy that one. Now, what is this all this about? Why are you dressed to the nines." 

"Because we're going out tonight." 

"Jed, I don't have any event on my schedule. Did we goof?" 

"Nope, this was spur of the moment." 

"You're the President of the United States. Nothing is spur of the moment." 

"Maybe not for me, but for you it is." 

"So where are we going?" 

"It's a surprise." 

"I'm assuming it's black tie." Abbey looked down at her simple tailored skirt and silk blouse. "I'll need to change." 

"No problem. I brought you a change of clothes." 

"I can't just disappear, Jed. I have to say good night to the children." 

"I knew you'd say that." Jed took her hand and led her out into Leann's office where the twins sat with Izzy, a big leather bound book on their laps. 

"What have you two got there?" she asked. 

"Daddy tolded us to give dis to you." Nicholas lifted the book toward his mother. 

"He makted it for you," Aislinn added. 

Abbey took it and realized from the cover that this was not just an ordinary book. It had been made especially for her. The dark brown leather was embossed in gold with the title _Abbey-My One True Love...Jed._ Puzzled, she opened it to see poems written in calligraphy on old fashioned looking parchment paper. 

"It's all 150 of Shakespeare's love sonnets," Jed told her. 

Abbey's eyes softened and she held the book to her chest. "It's beautiful, Jed. But am I missing something here? It's not Valentine's Day or my birthday or our anniversary." 

"Can't a guy just buy a love gift for his girl." 

"Well, of course he can." In actuality, Jed had always been extremely generous in marking life's great moments with thoughtful gifts and he had been known to try to buy his way out of the doghouse once in a while. "I'm sorry. I love it. I really do." She tiptoed up to kiss his cheek. 

"Well, uh... we really have to get going." 

"You still haven't told me where." 

"And I'm not going to. It's a surprise. Let's go." 

After saying good bye to the children, Jed whisked Abbey into the awaiting limo and they were off twisting through Washington on a route that had become as familiar to Abbey as route 93 in New Hampshire. 

"We're going to Andrews?" 

"Did anyone ever tell you that you ask a lot of questions?" 

"Yeah, all the time. It's why I'm so smart." 

"Well, tonight you just need to go with the flow." 

"Is that your new philosophy of life?" 

"I wish. When have you ever known me to be able to just go with the flow." 

"And yet you expect me to." 

"You're more evolved than I am." 

"Well, at least you can finally admit it." 

Once on board the plane, Jed stopped to talk to the pilots as usual and Abbey went straight to her and Jed's stateroom. As promised, there was a pretty midnight blue cocktail dress with a tight fitted bodice and a swishy skirt hanging on the closet door. On the table in a black velvet box lay her matching diamond necklace, bracelet and earrings set and a bottle of her favorite perfume, _Innisfree_ , while on the bed sat a pair of strappy stilettos and underwear. As she picked up the matching dark blue strapless demi-bra, she was impressed that Jed had known enough to realize that the spaghetti straps on her dress would call for a strapless bra. Maybe he paid more attention than she'd thought over the years. 

"So, what do you think?" Jed asked, as he entered the room. "Did I do good?" 

"You did very good. But, you know you're not getting lucky tonight, right?" She turned to him twirling the stockings and garter he'd picked on her fingers. 

"Yeah, I just couldn't resist. But, I'm not entirely masochistic. Check out your night attire." 

Abbey reached into the overnight bag Jed had packed for her and laughed. "Flannel?" She pulled out a pair of her warm, boxy flannel, comfort PJs. 

"It's not that I don't find you sexy in those. Hell, you know I'd find you sexy in a burlap sack, but it's harder to see all those curvy body parts that make me so damn crazy when you wear those." 

Abbey set the pajamas aside. "So, you want to tell me how much time I have to get dressed." 

"Not particularly." 

"You do know you can be quite infuriating." Abbey was anything but infuriated. She was intrigued, excited and feeling totally swept off her feet by the romance of the evening. It wasn't every day a woman got whisked away by a gorgeous man in a limousine and brought onto a luxury jet plane on a secretive romantic adventure. 

"It's part of my charm." He handed her a glass of champagne, which she sipped and continued to sip while she dressed. 

They were in the air for barely an hour when the big plane began to circle. Abbey rushed to the window and gazed down through the dark night sky to see the blanket of glittering lights that lay beneath them. 

"Manhattan." She breathed. "What are we doing in Manhattan?" 

"Where is your favorite place to dine and dance?" 

"The Rainbow Room! You're taking me to the Rainbow Room? Oh, Jed, we haven't been back there since you became President." 

"'bout time then, don't you think." 

"Oh, Mr. President. I think I'm falling in love with you." 

"That was the general idea," he grinned. 

**** 

The Rainbow Room, sixty-five feet high above the Manhattan skyline in Rockefeller Center was an elegant black tie dining experience. But it was the entertainment that had always made it special in Abbey's eyes. A big band orchestra played swing time music and ballroom favorites and Abbey and Jed danced together out on the revolving dance floor under a huge glittering chandelier. It was nights like these that Jed thanked God his mother had forced those terrible traditional dance lessons on him when he was just a boy, so he had no problem at all leading Abbey smoothly around the dance floor. This was particularly beneficial because given who they were, they were always the center of attention. 

Out of breath after a particularly invigorating Latin number, the two returned to their table, enjoying the panoramic view of the bright lights of the city. The flashing lights on the needle of the Empire State building lay directly across from them. 

"Jed, this has been a really magical night." Abbey reached her hand across the table to take his, her eyes shining with love. "Thank you. After everything we've been through this past week, it's really nice to get out of D.C. and just enjoy myself. Enjoy just being with you. Now having said that, you want to tell me what all this is about?" 

"All what?" 

"All this 'dating' business. The dinners out in Georgetown, the bowling...tonight." 

"Well, if you haven't yet figured it out yet, I'm wooing you." 

"Wooing me?" Abbey's eyes widened with surprise. "What do you mean, wooing?" 

"You know, WOOING, courting, dating." 

"You don't find it a bit redundant given the fact that I'm already your wife?" 

"No...I don't." 

Abbey was surprised by the fierceness of his denial. 

"Just because I already have my ring on your finger doesn't mean you don't deserve any of this any more," he gestured expansively to the romantic dining room. "I want you to know how much you mean to me. I want you to know that I'm willing to fight for us and to work to improve our marriage. I want you to know that if I ever took you for granted, I'm sorry and I won't do that again. I want you to know that I'm well aware of the sacrifices that you've made for me to realize my dreams and that I appreciate it more than I could ever express to you." 

"Jed." 

"No, let me finish. I want to show you that I know you went through a horribly traumatic experience and I'm willing to do whatever I can to help you heal from that. I want to show you that I enjoy just being with you and contrary to what Sonia says, I don't think only with my penis. This is not all about sex. It's about you and me and...you know...THIS. Just us being together talking and laughing and dancing and enjoying a romantic night out. I missed you, Abbey. I don't ever want to feel like I did when you were at the farm again. I may not be as good at showing you how much I love you without physically making love to you, but I do love you, Abbey. Please, let me do this for you...for us." 

"Jed," Abbey's eyes stung with unshed tears and she reached a hand out to trace her fingers tenderly over her husband's cheek and jaw. "You do just fine showing me how much you love me. As far as grand gestures go, this one's at the top of the list. But...aren't you going to catch flak for using Air Force One to fly to New York City simply to take me out for dinner and dancing." 

"Nope, technically we're here on official business." He gently took her wrist from where she was still stroking his face and pressed his lips to her palm. Abbey felt the tingle throughout her whole body, her toes curling in reaction. 

"I don't know what could be official about this." She gazed around the elegant room. 

"Not this. Tomorrow morning I'm speaking at a breakfast fundraiser for Hillary Clinton. I thought you could sleep in and enjoy a relaxing morning without the children and then before we leave, we could have some lunch and do a little shopping for the twins' birthday." 

"Jeeeddd..." Abbey drew his name out, her eyes lighting. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" 

"Depends on if you were thinking about lunch at Tavern on the Green and shopping at..." 

"FAO Schwartz!" She grinned with delight. "I need to come with you on official business more often." 

Jed leaned back in his chair with a broad smile, a feeling of warmth spreading through his chest at his wife's excitement and happiness. When had they become so busy that they lost the ability to do the simple things that they enjoyed: a weekend in Manhattan, dinner out at an elegant restaurant, all those things they'd taken for granted over the years and now meant so much. "Anytime, babe." He took her hand. "Anytime." 

> _You are the love of my life,_  
>  I knew it right from the start   
> The moment I looked at you,   
> you found a place in my heart 
> 
> You are the love of my life,   
> you give me reason to live   
> You taught me how to be strong.   
> With you is where I belong 
> 
> No one's ever touched me,   
> quite the way you've touched me   
> People search a lifetime   
> to find what we have. 
> 
> You are the love of my life,   
> one thing that's good in this life   
> I'll spend the rest of my days   
> just loving you 
> 
> You are the love of my life,   
> the heart and soul of my life.   
> Once I was lost and alone,   
> with you, at last, I am home 
> 
> You give me so much of you   
> and leave me room to be free. 
> 
> No one's ever touched me,   
> Quite the way you've touched me   
> People search a lifetime   
> To find what we have. 
> 
> You are the love of my life,   
> One thing that's good in this life   
> And in a world full of change,   
> one thing I'm sure of 
> 
> You are the love of my life,   
> one thing that makes sense in this life   
> I'll spend the rest of my days   
> just loving you 
> 
> You are the love of my life   
> and I thank God I'm alive   
> To spend my lifetime with you,   
> You are the love of my life.   
>    ( _You Are the Love of My Life_ by Roberta Flack and George Benson)

**** 

"Look at this, Abbey. The kids will get a kick out of these." Jed made a swipe at Abbey with a flashing plastic laser sword. 

"I'm sure they will. Right up until the moment they bop one another over the head with them. But, look at this. Isn't she just darling?" Abbey showed him the very real looking newborn baby doll she held in her arms. "Aislinn will just love her. She cries like a real baby, drinks from a bottle and she pees so her diaper has to be changed." 

"Yeah, cause we don't have enough kids in diapers at the moment. Not exactly a selling point in my book." 

Abbey's eyes narrowed. "Are you sulking?" 

"I really like the swords." He swiped at the air again making the sword beam flash red this time, then looked up when Abbey was silent. "What are you grinning about?" he asked. 

"You. I can't tell if you want the swords for the kids or for yourself." 

"Oh, come on, Abbey." 

"Don't 'come on, Abbey' me. Maybe you can bring them down to your office and you and Haffley can duke it out with your laser swords the next time he's over." 

"Very funny." 

"Jed," She touched his shoulder, "if you want the swords so badly, go ahead and buy them." 

"Are you patronizing me?" 

"I believe I am." 

Jed eyed the doll Abbey still held in the crook of her arm. 

"You think that's really going to placate Aislinn? You know what she really wants is a real baby. Oh, and by the way, thank you so much for telling her that a daddy gives a mommy a baby in her belly. Do you know how many times she's asked me to 'give mommy a baby in her belly'?" 

Abbey laughed. "Well, since that ain't happening in this lifetime, she'll have to make do with a doll that drinks and pees and cries." Abbey set the doll in her cart then turned to head down another aisle. 

"Where are you going?" he asked. 

"I'm going to see if they have _Thomas the Tank_ backpacks. That's all Nicholas wants – 'a Thomas Tank BACKPACK'," she mimicked her soon to be three year old son. 

"What does he need a backpack for? He doesn't go anywhere." 

"We've been talking a bit about preschool and he's a little excited." 

"I thought we said next September, when the new school year starts," Jed frowned. He'd always found it difficult to face the fact that his children were growing up. 

"We did, but, Jed, he's THREE. He has no idea how long it is until September. I figured I'd get it now while he wants it so much and until he starts bringing extra changes of clothes to preschool, he can use it to carry his toys and books when we go to Harmony Point or home to the farm." 

"Okay." 

Abbey eyed his carriage. It was fairly empty save for the swords. "Are you planning to do anymore shopping?" 

"Oh, I have another idea, but I can't get them here." 

"Well, then, can you do me a favor? See if they have a _Dora the Explorer_ playhouse for Ash while I go look for the backpack and check out their _LeapFrog_ selection." 

" _LeapFrog_. Isn't that video game a little old for them? The girls were a bit older when they used to play it." 

"That was _Frogger_ the girls used to play," Abbey grinned. " _LeapFrog LeapPads_ are baby's first computers. They're like laptops for toddlers." 

"God, how do you keep up with all this stuff?" 

"I'm a mother, Jed. I know everything. And, by the way, what did you mean when you said that you had another idea that you couldn't get here?" 

"Mommies may know everything, but daddy's have their secrets." 

"Jed." 

"Hey, you're just going to have to deal with it. Mothers don't quite know EVERYTHING, darlin'." 


	5. Time to Heal, A

"Okay, so we've established that you slapped Jean Paul in the courtroom. What do you think drove you to that kind of reaction?" Sonia asked Abbey. 

"Anger, frustration...Rage. I was furious with him for everything that he'd done and I guess that just bubbled up when I heard him spewing filth at my daughter and me." 

"It sounds to me like you were suppressing a lot of anger for a long time." 

"I suppose I was and I guess it all exploded in that one moment." 

"Why do you think you were suppressing that anger in particular?" 

"You mean toward Jean Paul?" 

"Yes." 

"Zoey. My little girl felt bad enough as it was for bringing Jean Paul into our lives, she didn't need my fury added to her own pain and guilt." 

"Yet, you did feel fury." 

"Of course I did. I opened my home to him, I cooked for him, I let him play with my children, I accepted him in spite of the fact that I didn't like him very much at all. He hurt my daughter terribly. He used her. He humiliated her in front of the world." 

"And..." 

"And what?" 

"Is that all?" 

"Isn't that enough?" 

"You tell me." 

"No. That isn't all. There was more. He drugged us. He helped those animals kidnap my daughters and me and led to our torture and what could have been our death. Because of him we are all still dealing with these psychological scars." 

"And how are you feeling now that the trial is over?" 

"Better. I guess I feel like we've all gotten some closure. I'm proud of Zoey, proud of her growth and maturity and that that she sat up there and got her day in court. And you know what? I'm not even sorry that I hit him. In fact it was a very satisfying moment. I know you're probably going to tell me that there are more appropriate ways to deal with my anger rather than reacting physically..." 

"I'm sure there are," Sonia smiled. "But, I'm also a mother; and if he'd done those things to my daughter and then talked to her that way, I'd have probably popped him one too. Don't look so surprised. We're all only human, Abbey. But now that you've had some closure on this issue, I think it's time we go back to the beginning... to the time period where you were held captive." 

Abbey turned away and Sonia could see through her body language that she was closing in on herself. 

"You don't want to talk about it?" Sonia surmised. 

Abbey turned to look at Jed. "I know I'm supposed to. I know that's what this therapy is all about, but I can't help but think that it's done, it's over. Why rehash it all and make everyone feel badly again?" 

"Because until you deal with it together, it's always going to be there between the two of you. You'll always be tiptoeing around it. Abbey, have you ever told Jed exactly what happened to you and to the girls in that trailer?" 

"Parts." Abbey squirmed uncomfortably. 

"But not the whole thing?" 

"No." 

"Why?" 

Abbey shrugged. "In the beginning I didn't want to talk about it. I wanted to put what happened right out of my mind completely." 

"Did that work?" 

"I'm here, aren't I?" 

"What happened? Why are you here? Why wasn't it working?" 

"Because it came back to me in my nightmares, in my panic attacks." 

"Well, there you have it. You can only run for so long, Abbey, before things catch up with you. Don't you see? If you can talk about this, get it all out in the open rather than suppressing it, your subconscious won't have the need to release the emotional stress through your nightmares and stress related panic. Maybe we can put an end to the nightmares and the attacks or at least slow them down." 

"It's not just that. I mean I know it's not healthy to suppress things but..." Abbey's eyes flew back to Jed noting that he was sitting just as uncomfortably. 

Sonia watched the silent communication between husband and wife. "You don't want to hurt your husband." 

"No. There might have been a time when I did, but not anymore. Jed is dealing with enough guilt over things, I don't want to pile it on any heavier." 

"Is that the way you feel, Jed?" Sonia asked. "Do you not want to know what happened?" 

"I don't know how I feel about it. I guess I'm torn. On the one hand, I know it's going to hurt to know exactly what Abbey and the girls went through, but on the other hand..." 

"On the other hand what?" 

"It's so hard not knowing. I mean I picture all these horrific things in my head, but I just don't know what happened. That's what fills MY nightmares." 

"So you see, Abbey. Maybe it's worse for him not knowing. Maybe the pictures he has in his head are far worse things than what actually happened." 

"So, what do you want from me? You want me to just start from the beginning?" Abbey took a sip from her glass of water and Jed could see that her hand was shaking. He rested a reassuring hand on her knee. 

"We've already gone over Jean Paul's role in things, why don't you take up from when you woke up in the trailer." 

"Okay...When I woke up in the trailer. Let's see." Abbey was going to try to be analytical and unemotional in relating that traumatic time to them, but already she could feel the emotions churning and brewing inside her. 

"I remember waking up and knowing that things were bad. I remember wishing that I could just sink back into oblivion where I didn't know what was happening. But, then I heard Aislinn whimpering and I remembered whoever it was that had me had my girls as well. I knew I had to wake up because I had to protect them but it was all so hazy." 

"You were still feeling the effects of the GHB." 

"Yeah, I was. I wanted to try to figure out where we were but it was impossible. The windows had been boarded up and it was pitch black and so hot and stuffy. It was like an oven in there and I could hear the rats or mice scurrying around in the corners." 

"Christ," Jed groaned, his eyes closing momentarily at the vision of his wife alone and terrified in the dark with the rats and mice. 

"It's okay, Abbey, go on," Sonia prodded. 

"I had no idea how long I'd been out, how far they'd taken us or even what time of day it was. Aislinn was crying that she wanted to go home and it was all I could do not to break down along with her." 

"What were you feeling right then, Abbey?" 

"Fear. Fear of the unknown. I had no idea who had kidnapped us or what they wanted and I knew that I was my children's only hope to get us out of that mess. I thought nothing could be more frightening than sitting in that dark pit of hell waiting to find out our fate. But, I was wrong. Meeting Hassan Al Khaleel and Azim Shareef was much, much worse. I hadn't been awake very long when the door banged open. It was Khaleel and he told me exactly what his plans were." 

"What did he say?" Jed's voice was almost a whisper. 

"He said he was going to take away everything that Jed Bartlet loved and have it for himself and then destroy it. He said that by the time they were through with me and Zoey that you would be grateful that they killed us." 

"Oh, God. Oh, Abbey." Jed's hand covered his face and he hunched over as if in physical pain. 

"Jed?" Abbey touched his shoulder gently. "Are you okay?" 

"How can you ask me that after what you went through simply because you're the woman that I love?" Jed sat back up but his eyes were now red rimmed, pain seeming to radiate from their very depths. 

"I think that's enough," Abbey turned to Sonia. 

"No!" Jed protested. "I'm fine. Please tell me everything. I NEED to know." 

"It's okay, Abbey," Sonia agreed. "You both are doing fine." 

"Well, if you're sure." Abbey didn't look entirely convinced. "Khaleel and Shareef told me why they were holding us, about the prisoners they wanted freed. I told them you wouldn't negotiate. They uh...didn't appreciate me telling them that." Abbey's eyes clouded over with remembered pain. 

"Abbey, what did they do?" It was obvious that Abbey was trying to skirt some of things that had been done to her and so Sonia spoke gently, gently enough to bring tears to Abbey's eyes. 

"They...um...they hit me. They slapped me across the face because I, a mere woman, DARED look them in the face." 

Jed's fingers began to clench reflexively into fists and Sonia handed him a stress ball to squeeze to try to relieve some of the anger and pain that coursed through his body at his wife's words. 

"They wanted me to write a letter to you," Abbey turned from Sonia to Jed, "asking you to release the prisoners." 

"You refused," Jed swallowed. 

Abbey nodded. "I wasn't going to do that to you. The United States does not negotiate with terrorists, PERIOD." 

"Did you tell him that?" 

"Yeah...He took exception." 

"How did he take exception, Abbey?" 

"He broke my finger trying to get me to hold the pen." 

Jed's fingers squeezed the ball in his fist harder and harder. It was getting increasing difficult not to shout and rage at the injustice of it all, but that was not the reaction that Abbey needed. She needed him calm and comforting, not off the wall. 

"That first night was horrible. My hand was on fire and it was so dark and stuffy and I could feel rodents brushing up against me. Honestly, there were times I wondered if I could keep my sanity." 

"How did you do it?" Sonia asked. 

"The kids. I knew the girls needed me to stay strong, that they were looking to me for comfort and guidance. As a parent, you know that children depend on you completely and that if you're scared or out of control, all it's going to do is freak them out. And I guess the other thing that got me through was faith. Faith in Jed and faith in God. I prayed, and I remember singing _Amazing Grace_ and thinking of the horrific dark times that others had been through and I thought that if I could just have enough faith, God would get me through things." 

"Did you keep your faith, Abbey?" Sonia asked. 

"I tried. But there were times that it was very, very difficult. Later that night when I'd finally fallen asleep, I woke up to Khaleel lips on me." Abbey felt Jed's body flinch beside her. "I tried to push him off of me but he threatened to make Zoey a part of things if I woke her up. God," she shook her head. "He really knew how to get what he wanted. He knew I'd do anything to keep their attention away from the girls. I promised him that I wouldn't fight and he was all over me. He shoved his hand into my pants and he touched me. He put his finger inside of me." Tears burned Abbey's eyes and she took a sip of water to clear her tear clogged throat. She heard Jed's sharp intake of breath could feel his body tightening next to her and she turned to him. It was almost more than she could bear to see the tear that trailed silently down his cheek, knowing that he was crying for her. 

"I knew it was going to happen. I'd been raped before. I knew how much it would hurt, I knew about the humiliation, but all I could pray for was to have the strength to endure it without crying out. I was so afraid that Zoey and Ash would wake up and find him doing that to me and that it would traumatize them for life." 

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that, Abbey." Jed reached out a hand running his thumb over her cheek to wipe away her tears his own eyes still swimming. "They had no right," he choked. "They had no right." 

"I just...I was so scared and I felt so alone...I just wanted somebody to be there to protect me and nobody was there." Before Abbey knew what had happened, the dam had burst and she buried her face into Jed's chest, her shoulders and back shaking with her sobs. "Nobody was there, Jed. Nobody was there." 

"Ssh...sssh, it's okay, now. It's all over. It's all over." Jed continued to rub her back until she had calmed. 

"Can you continue on, Abbey?" Sonia asked as she handed her another box of Kleenex. 

"Yeah, I want to get this all out." She wiped at her eyes. "I don't want to have to do this another day." 

"Okay then, what happened next?" 

"Before Khaleel could do much more than what he was doing with his hand, the others came in and stopped him. Raping me at that point was not part of the plan, but with them coming in and creating such a stink, it woke everyone up. Zoey was terrified and guilt ridden. But you know, Toby said something that made me feel better to a certain extent." 

"Toby was comforting?" Jed gave her a lopsided smile and tucked strands of her pretty red hair behind her ear while gazing lovingly into her pain filled green eyes. 

"Yeah, imagine that," Abbey smiled wryly. 

"He told me to just survive. He said that no matter what they did to me, the only thing that would matter to you was the fact that I survived." 

"Pretty smart guy that Mr. Ziegler," Jed smiled tenderly tracing a thumb over her full bottom lip. "That IS all that mattered to me, Abbey. Getting you back alive was what I prayed for. I knew we could deal with anything that had happened to you as long as you survived and came back to me." 

"There were times that I didn't think I was going to survive. That any of us would. If the night was bad, the day was absolutely suffocating. There was no air in that room and it had to have been well over 100 degrees. It was hard to breathe, hard to think. They hadn't given us any food and we'd only had a few sips of water. Aislinn was so listless in my arms it scared me and Zoey was starting to really panic over things. Toby was really great with her. You know Toby; he doesn't have a wide range of emotions and in that kind of situation, having someone who wasn't panicking or hysterical really helped. He convinced her that it was only a matter of time until the FBI found us, but I knew better. I knew we didn't have much chance of getting out of that trailer alive. I knew these were incredibly evil men, but I didn't realize just how black their souls really were until they came in and took Aislinn from me. Since their equipment wasn't working they were pissed and they wanted me to write that damn letter. I refused...again...Oh, God, Jed, why didn't I just do it." Abbey closed her eyes her head falling back against the couch tears trailing from the corners of her eyes. 

"Abbey, it wasn't your fault. You couldn't have known they would use Ash against you." 

"I didn't," Abbey choked. "I had no idea. They ripped her out of my arms. She was screaming, Jed. She was terrified and I tried to get to her. Azim held me back. I kicked and I scratched and I bit and I FOUGHT, but I couldn't get to her. God, I still hear her screaming for me in my nightmares. I told them I'd do whatever they wanted me to do, I had no dignity left, Jed. I BEGGED them to give me my daughter back and told them I'd do ANYTHING. They wanted me to go on that feed when they hooked it up and tell you to release those Qumari prisoners or they were going to kill Aislinn. I agreed to do it even though I knew what that would do to you. I knew that no matter what threats were made, you couldn't do any negotiating and that it would kill you to know that because of that, because you didn't do what they wanted, your daughter was going to die." 

"You had to do what they wanted, Abbey. Saving Aislinn was much more important than what I would have been going through." 

Abbey nodded. "Hassan agreed to me doing the feed but instead of just giving Aislinn back to me, he had to toy with me first. He held her by one arm dangling her in front of me. She was hysterical and lunged for me and he just let her go. Dammit, he just LET her go. She landed on her side on the floor with a horrible scream, her arm tucked up the wrong way underneath her. I knew it was broken and that there was nothing I could do to help her. I begged them to let her go, to let her get medical attention. They told me that I was a doctor, I could take care of it." 

"Ah, DAMN, Abbey, I hope to GOD that they are burning in HELL! She's just a baby, just a sweet innocent little baby girl." 

"I know," Abbey ran a hand gently over his knee. "I know. That was the moment that I had a real epiphany. I always knew that I would die for one of my children but looking at the gun in Khaleel's pants all I could think about was finding a way to steal it and shooting each of them. I knew I could do it. I knew that not only would I die for my children, I'd kill for them. Huh, me, a liberal, an advocate of gun control and I was ready to kill." 

"Abbey, you were in a situation most people never find themselves in," Sonia assured her. "In everyday life you might be opposed to guns and violence, but when you or your children are in a life or death situation it comes down to base primal emotion. That's where self defense pleas come in." 

"I know. And I don't think I would have been sorry had I been able to do it. Aislinn was shocky and crying in my arms for..." Abbey stopped herself turning away from Jed. 

"What was she crying for, Abbey?" Deep inside, Jed knew what Abbey was going to say and he steeled himself for the pain of her words. 

"She was just crying, Jed. She was hurt." 

"Abbey, don't hold back," Sonia told her. "We need to get this all out and behind you both. Remember nothing left to fester. Tell Jed what she was crying for." 

Abbey turned to Jed knowing how much this would hurt him. "You," she choked. "She was crying for you. I was going through hell for her, but it was her daddy she wanted. She just kept saying it over and over 'I want my daddy, I want my daddy'. And you know what, Jed? All I could think of was that I wanted her daddy, too, that I wanted you to hold me and tell me that everything was going to be okay. I wanted that white knight to come charging in to save us." 

Jed swallowed tightly and nodded. "You have no idea how much I wish I'd been there for her, for all of you." 

"I know. I know, honey. I know you were trying. I know now what lengths you went to, to finally get a rescue plan. But you know it was that incident that made me desperate enough to make a plan to get the girls out of that damn trailer. I knew it was only a matter of time before they laid their grubby paws on Zoey and I wasn't going to let that happen to her. I've been through that and I wasn't going to have my little girl go through it. I talked to Fayih Shareef and after seeing what was done to Aislinn, she agreed to help us. I made a plan to distract Khaleel while Zoey would escape with Aislinn." 

"What do you mean by distract?" Sonia asked. 

"I offered that piece of walking scum my body in exchange for him leaving the girls alone. I told him I'd do whatever they wanted me to do. I'm sorry, Jed. Never in my life would I have ever betrayed the vows I made to you if it hadn't been a life or death situation. I mean it made me sick just to..." 

"Ssh..." Jed placed a finger on over her lips. "You wouldn't have been breaking your vows to me. It would have been rape, absolutely, no questions asked." 

"Why did you feel that going through with your plans would be considered any less of a rape than what Marcus Hughes did to you?" Sonia asked. 

"Because it was different. With Hughes, I had no choice. He violently overpowered me. With Khaleel, I know it wouldn't have been any less violent, but I offered myself to him." 

"I'd hardly call it that, Abbey." Sonia lifted a brow. "You may have bargained with him, but bargaining the use of your body to keep your children alive is just as much rape as Marcus Hughes flinging you down on the floor." 

"She's right, Abbey. You did what you had to do. What any mother would have done." 

Abbey nodded. "I prayed that you would come to that understanding, Jed. That you would be able to live with what I'd done and still love me. I thought I could be so strong. I thought I could go through it. That I could do whatever I had to do to help my kids, but my body revolted. Hassan wanted to degrade me. He wanted me on my knees performing oral sex on him." 

Surprised, Abbey felt Jed take her hand and squeeze it supportively, but she couldn't look at him, not when she was remembering Khaleel coming at her with his erect penis. "I...I tried, but before I could...touch him with my mouth, I threw up all over him. He was furious, absolutely livid and my first thought was that I'd just signed my daughters' death warrant. But, Hassan had other plans. He went so ballistic he didn't even notice the girls were gone. He dragged me out of the room where we were being held captive and took me to a bedroom. He ripped my clothes off of me and used duct tape to tie my wrists to the bars on the headboard. He was naked and pacing filled with this weird kind of excitement and energy. I mean I think he got off as much on me being at his mercy as he did on sex itself. He touched me and it was all I could do not to try to fight him. I knew the girls' safety rested on my ability to keep him occupied, but God forgive me, I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to have to go through that again." Abbey's slender shoulders shook at the revelation. 

"But you did, Abbey. You selflessly put yourself in that position and that is the very essence of courage." 

"It's not courageous if you don't know to be afraid." Jed placed his arm over Abbey's shoulder and she leaned into his chest. "You knew, Abbey. You knew how bad it could be and you still did it. You really are an amazing woman. I'm so glad that you're the mother of my children." 

"Okay, well. I think that's enough for today," Sonia leaned back closing her notepad. 

"Wait!" Abbey pulled back. "Before we stop I need you to know that I wasn't lying. Khaleel was there. He was between my legs, I could feel him, but he didn't get the chance to take it that one step further. Before he could actually penetrate me, Azim and Habib discovered that Zoey and Aislinn were missing and they were furious with him. They dragged him out of room to go help look for them in the woods." 

"They left you tied up naked on the bed?" Jed was incredulous. 

"They weren't done with me yet." Abbey's voice was soft and almost childlike. 

"That had to be terrifying just laying there waiting for them to come back. What was going through your mind while you lay there?" Sonia asked. 

"I was scared and I was feeling guilty that maybe my plan had been foolish. That Zoey and Aislinn were going to pay for my big mistake. I was praying so hard that they wouldn't find our girls. That Zoey would get away with Aislinn. But, I was also scared for myself. I was afraid of the rage that would be released on me for my part in their escape." 

"And did that happen?" 

"Oh the rage was there but it was a very controlled rage. It was like Khaleel was seething with his hatred. He was as angry that a woman had outwitted him as he was that the girls were actually gone. He lit a cigarette and came at me with it. He had this maniacal excitement in his eyes as he dangled it over me and I begged him not to do it. I tried to break free of that tape but I honestly believed that he was just trying to scare me. I couldn't imagine anyone doing what he was threatening to do to be me. He wanted me scared. He wanted me fighting and he wanted to hear my pain. He ripped the duct tape off my lips so he could hear me scream when he touched my breasts with the burning tip of his cigarette." 

It was all Jed could do not to fling the damn stress ball at the wall. He wanted to pace. He wanted to rage. Abbey had confided some of this to him in bits and pieces, but hearing it all like this was like having it happen all over again. And, he knew that if he was feeling this way, it had to be much worse for Abbey to be reliving it all as well. 

"Jed, you look angry," Sonia stated. 

"I am angry. I'm angry with myself. I'm angry at the situation.And I'm so angry that this happened to my family. For so long after it happened, it was like I was in a daze, like I couldn't feel anything but this deep sadness. I still feel that sadness, but now I'm also angry." 

"Anger is not always an unhealthy emotion. Sometimes you need to be able to express it in order to work through it. I want you to look at Abbey right now. I want you to tell me what you see." 

"I see her laying there on that bed naked and beaten, her breasts burned by cigarettes. I see her terrified and praying to get out of there alive. I see her alone and scared." 

"And that's the crux of it, isn't it? That you weren't there to protect her – to comfort her." 

"God help me it is." Jed's hand reached for Abbey's, squeezed it tightly. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you. I wish there was some way that I could have stopped it from happening and that I could make it better for you now." 

Abbey saw it then in the earnestness of his beautiful sky-blue eyes, in his body language, all the pain and impotent frustration that he'd felt when this had happened, when he'd lost control of his world. 

"Jed, how many times have I had to tell you that no matter how much power you have, you are not God and you can't control everything. Not everything is under your power to fix." 

"I do know that, Abbey, but you can't teach an old dog new tricks and I'm never going to stop trying to keep you and the children safe and to battle to fix what is wrong. A beautiful woman once told me that while I may not have the power to fix everything she does love watching me try." 

"And I still do," Abbey smiled. "I just don't like to watch you beat yourself up when something out of your control goes wrong. And you want to know something else? I truly believe that there was a reason you weren't with us that day. Nicholas needed you and the girls needed you. I mean look at the way you've rekindled your relationship with Ellie. And, most of all, if you'd been with us, there wouldn't have been anyone fighting and risking everything to form a rescue plan to get us out of there. Without you being on the outside planning my rescue, I would have died in that trailer. So you see, my white knight did get the cavalry to come and save me." 

"You know, Abbey. I was wrong." Jed tilted her chin to gaze down into her eyes. "When I look at you I don't just see the bruised beaten woman that you were. I see the strong, resilient, amazing woman that you are." 

> _In our time of trouble_  
>  We only had ourselves   
> Nobody else   
> No one was there to save us   
> We had to save ourselves 
> 
> And when the storms came through   
> They found me and you   
> Back together   
> And when the sun would shine   
> It was yours and mine   
> Yours and mine forever 
> 
> Oh how the years go by   
> Oh how the love brings tears to my eyes   
> All through the changes, the soul never dies   
> We fight, we laugh, we cry   
> As the years go by 
> 
> There were times we stumbled   
> They thought they had us down   
> We came around   
> How we rolled and rambled   
> We got lost and we got found   
> Now we're back on solid ground 
> 
> We took everything   
> All our times would bring   
> In this world of danger   
> 'cause when your heart is strong   
> You know you're not alone   
> In this world of strangers 
> 
> If we lose our way   
> Any night or day   
> Well, we'll always be   
> I'm there for you   
> And I know you're there for me 
> 
> As the years go by   
> You know you're not alone   
> In this world of danger   
>    ( _Oh How the Years Go By_ by Vanessa Williams)

**** 

"Mooommyyy..." Nicky called from the living room. "Daddy's here. I see de flashing cars." 

Abbey grinned and turned the heat down on the burner. The kids always referred to their father's motorcade as the flashing cars because of all the lights from the police cars and ambulances. She wiped her hands just a tad nervously on her apron then pulled it off over her head. She and Jed really hadn't had the chance to talk much after their last therapy session – a session that had left her open, vulnerable and emotionally wrung out. Directly after the session, Jed had an evening speaking engagement and the next morning she had left with the children for Harmony Point. Jed was supposed to be arriving later when his busy Friday was over to join them for the weekend. 

Ready to open the door, Jed was a bit taken aback when it was opened for him and Abbey stood in the doorway. She was barefoot – her pretty painted toes peeking out from her slim fitting faded Calvin Klein's. A tight white V-necked T-shirt clung to her full breasts and accentuated her tiny waist. Her hair was pulled back loosely on each side with little ivory butterfly clips then tumbled down to her shoulders in soft feminine curls. A speck of flour dotted her nose. 

"Well, you made it." There was no recrimination in her tone. In fact she smiled, flashing the dimple in her right cheek at him in a way that made him want to wrap his arms around her and kiss her breath away. 

"Yeah, uh, sorry I'm later than I said I'd be." He stood before her shuffling his feet, a bouquet of flowers in one hand and a bottle of wine tucked under his arm. It was obvious to Abbey that Jed was a bit nervous as well and that made her feel warm all over and definitely more comfortable about things. 

"Are you planning on standing out here all night?" 

"What?" Jed looked down and realized he was still in the doorway of his home and he grinned up at her sheepishly. "No, of course not." 

Abbey stepped back and Jed entered the house. "I have food simmering on the stove. Why don't you go in and say hello to the children." 

"Oh. Okay. These are for you." 

"More flowers." She buried her nose in the fragrant blossoms. "You know you're going to spoil me." 

"That's okay. You deserve a little spoiling. Oh and here's the wine. I wasn't sure what you were making for supper so I figured I'd just bring a nice Chardonnay from the White House wine cellar." 

"Chardonnay is always a good choice. I'll pour us each a glass. After you've said hello to the kids, why don't you meet me in the kitchen." 

Jed nodded and turned from the hall into the living room where Nicholas and Aislinn lay on their bellies on the carpet scribbling on big sketchpads. 

"Hey kiddos. I'm home." 

"We're making pitchers, Daddy." With her chin resting on her hands and her pale blond curls tumbling over her forehead, Aislinn beamed a cherubic smile flashing the same dimple at him that her mother had. 

"I see that." Jed bent down and kissed the top of her head, then Nicky's. 

"I make dis for you, Daddy." Nicholas waved a sheet of colorful scribbles at Jed who took it from him and squinted surveying it importantly. 

"Well, now, that's just a spectacular piece of artwork. Very contemporary, very avant garde." 

Nicky's brow furrowed with confusion. "It's a boat, Daddy." 

"Well, of COURSE it's a boat, son," Jed grinned. "You don't think your old man could see that there's a boat in there." 

"Look at my pitcher, Daddy." Aislinn leaned back so Jed could look down on her sketchpad. 

"Very nice use of the color brown." Jed had learned a long time ago that the way not to hurt little feelings was never to try to guess what they were drawing. 

"It's a brown horsie. Like Quinney." 

"Well, it looks just like Quinney. You did a wonderful job, sunshine. Now, I'm going to go help Mommy cook supper so why don't you both keep drawing pictures for us." 

"I draw you a whale, Daddy." 

"You do that, baby girl." 

Jed gazed back at the kids, surprised at the lump that clogged his throat. He wasn't sure where that came from, sadness or joy, or probably a mixture of both. He still felt wounded and raw after the therapy session, was still reeling with how close his family had come to being destroyed and filled with thanks that they were all together in one piece under this roof. 

Clearing his throat, Jed followed his nose to the kitchen lured by the delicious scent of sautéing onions and other herbs he'd never been able to differentiate between. 

"It smells wonderful in here." He picked up the glass of wine Abbey had left for him on the table. "What are we having for supper?" 

Abbey grinned back at him from where she stood at the stove stirring at a fry pan. "We're going to start with a ginger and maple butternut squash soup, then scallop stuffed chicken breasts in a white wine cream sauce, lemon rice pilaf, baby asparagus in a brown sugar and butter glaze, crunchy dill dinner rolls, and for dessert, a light and creamy chocolate mousse." 

"Wow, you have been hard at work. Anything I can do to help?" 

Abbey emptied the contents of the fry pan into a bowl filled with bread and scallop stuffing. "You can stir this for me." She handed him the bowl and Jed began stirring the mixture of onions and celery in. 

"I'm assuming the kids aren't eating this." 

"Uh, no." 

Jed's eyes followed hers to where a large broiled skinless chicken breast lay on a plate on the counter. 

"They're having a modified meal. Broiled chicken with the rice, and peas instead of the asparagus and they said they'd 'try' the mousse but would rather have ice cream." 

"Well, they know what they like anyway." Jed pinched a dab of stuffing to taste it. "Oh, Abbey, this is delicious." 

"I thought you'd like it." Abbey's heart warmed at the sight of her husband seated at the kitchen table, his sleeves rolled up revealing his sexy forearms as he stirred the stuffing mixture. She felt a tingling in her fingertips, an urge to run them over his strong wrists and the golden hairs on his forearm. 

What he liked, Jed thought, was watching Abbey maneuver around a kitchen. Most of the time she loved to cook, especially when she had the time to make gourmet meals and play around with new recipes. Once she was working and the kids had started coming along, she hadn't minded in the least handing over housecleaning chores to the housekeeper, but whenever possible she did like to cook for their family and friends. Her dinner parties were legendary. Now he watched her expertly preparing this meal for them. He watched her sip her wine, tipping her neck back just enough to reveal the delicate column that in the past he would have pressed his lips into. He watched her move from refrigerator to counter, the jeans she wore molding to the gentle swell of her hips and her sweet curving rear in a way that made him itch to slide his hands over them. Get a grip, Bartlet, he told himself then gazed ruefully down at his lap where Old Hickory was trying to stir to life. 

"Jed, have you heard a word that I've been saying?" 

"What? Uh, sorry." Jed took a big gulp of his wine realizing that he had not been focusing on what his wife was saying to him. "What did you say?" 

"I said, I figured we could feed the kids and bathe them while the chicken breasts bake then we can eat together once they're tucked in." 

"Sounds like a plan to me. This is all stirred. Where would you like it?" 

"Just put it over there by the chicken breasts so I can stuff them." 

Jed placed the mixing bowl on the counter and gazed out the window overlooking the field that sloped down to the wide expanse of Chesapeake Bay. He was surprised to see Abbey's pretty Arabian mare grazing in the field. 

"You had Aquinnah brought back." 

"Well, yes, Jed." She turned to him with a look of puzzlement. "I told you I was back to stay." 

Jed nodded but said nothing as he refilled both their glasses with wine. 

"Jed," Abbey's hand closed around his wrist, a frown crossing her face. "Is that what all this is about?" 

"All what?" 

"All this wooing and courting, all these flowers and chocolates. Are you afraid that I'm going to leave again?" 

"I don't know," Jed shrugged. "Maybe." He tried to be nonchalant but Abbey could see the fear shining brightly in his eyes." 

"Oh, baby," she groaned. "You don't have to do this. I mean I'm not complaining. It's very sweet and romantic and you're reminding me of all the reasons I fell in love with you in the first place, but like I told you before, I'm back for good. I never intended it any other way, that wasn't what my leaving and going to the farm was all about." 

"Well, it sure felt that way." Jed's eyes fell to the floor as they usually did when he had to express great emotion. "You scared me, Abbey. Leaving the way you did, for as long as you did, and shutting down the lines of communication was just something you've never done before. You've always fought back, that's what I expected. And, I guess I'm afraid that the next time I piss you off, you might do it again." 

"Oh, Jed. I promise you, I learned my lesson. I needed that time away – I'm not denying that – but I certainly could have handled the separation better. You don't have to be afraid that I'll leave again. I'm not going anywhere." 

"But, I want you stay with me because you love me, because you need me, because you can't stand the idea of being apart from me, not out of some sense of duty or just because you made a vow a long time ago to see this through to the end." 

Abbey moved closer to him until she was nearly pressed up against him. "That isn't why I came back, Jed. Yeah, I made a vow to you a long time ago, a sacred vow that I take very, very seriously and that vow did get me through some really tough times. It allowed me to go away and take some space without being afraid that I was ripping apart our marriage. But I didn't come back to you because of that vow. I came back to you because I love you with all my heart and because I need you with all my soul and because I couldn't bear to live apart from you anymore." 

She reached a hand out, balling it up in the front of his shirt and pulling him down so she could kiss him, her lips gently tracing over his. But, the kiss that started out so gentle and sweet soon swelled with denied passion as Jed opened his mouth and swept his tongue against hers. It had been so long since they'd kissed like this, open mouthed and hungry, that they were quickly swamped in a sea of overwhelming desire. Abbey's breasts swelled and ached, her nipples tightening, and when Jed grasped her hips pulling her pelvis up hard against him and she felt the rise of his erection, she gave a soft moan of submission. She didn't care about therapy or deals or anything, all she cared about was the wanting between her thighs. She hooked her arms around his neck and raised her legs wrapping them around his waist. Jed involuntarily thrust his hips against her core, a strong erotic vision of burying himself into her right here on this counter searing into his mind. After all, they had done it in this very room on the kitchen table the morning after...Reality smacked him right in the face...The morning after he'd ordered the assassination of Abdul Shareef. 

"Abbey..." He tore his mouth away from hers breathing as if he'd just run a marathon. "We can't do this." 

Abbey rested her forehead against his. "I know," she sighed with disappointment. "The kids are in the next room and the water for the rice is about to boil over." 

"And we still have a few weeks to go until Valentine's Day." 

"Don't remind me. Say, weren't you the one who wanted to cheat?" 

"Of course I want to cheat. I'm getting damn sick of taking cold showers and getting hard-ons in the middle of staff meetings cause I'm picturing you naked." 

"You picture me naked during staff meetings?" 

"Only the really boring ones," he assured her. 

"Huh. Very funny." She let her legs fall to the floor now that she had again regained her equilibrium. 

"Seriously, Abbey." He grabbed her arm as she moved passed him to pull the boiling water off the burner. "I don't want to cheat. This is too important for us, for our marriage. I mean our marriage is based on more than just sex and I want us to prove that. I want us to get closer. I want us to accomplish this goal together." 

Abbey smiled tenderly, her fingertips running over Jed's square Irish jaw, her fingernails scraping gently over the stubble. "I love that you want us to do this, that you're taking it seriously. Honestly, that means more to me than anything." 

Jed nodded and pulled her hand over to his lips for a tender kiss to the palm. 

"Daddy, my pitchers done." Aislinn made her way over to her father proudly thrusting the paper at him. 

"Oh, WOW, a big PURPLE whale. How did you know I LOVE purple whales?" 

Aislinn shrugged with a giggle and Jed lifted her up onto his hip. 

"You're an awfully smart young lady. A man couldn't ask for a better little girl." 

Abbey glanced at the picture smiling when she saw nothing but a big scribbled patch of purple. 

"It's a lovely picture, honey. How about we put it right up on the refrigerator so everyone can see." 

"Me too, me too." Nicky ran in thrusting his red scribbled picture at his mother. 

"Okay, Here they go." Abbey placed the treasured artwork under magnets on the refrigerator then turned to her offspring. "Now, you two have Daddy help you wash up. Your supper is ready." 

"No 'spargus." Nicky wrinkled his nose. 

"No, I won't make you eat asparagus. I made you and Aislinn some peas. Now go wash up." 

"Let's go troops." Jed transferred Aislinn over to a piggyback, then lifted Nicholas like a sack of potatoes over his shoulder. 

Abbey smiled shaking her head. "Watch your back, Jed." 

"Why you gots to watch your back, Daddy?" Nicholas asked. 

"'cause your Mom's a worrywart." 

"What's a wowywot?" Aislinn asked. 

Smiling, Abbey listened to Jed's explanation of a worrywart as he entered the downstairs bathroom with the kids. 

**** 

Once the twins were bathed and tucked in for the night, Abbey and Jed made the transition from being parents to being a couple. Norah Jones' silky voice singing about not knowing why added atmosphere to the romantic dinner they shared on a small table Abbey had set up in front of the fireplace. 

"The fire feels good," Jed commented. "Nothing like a good fire to take the chill off." 

"Mmm.... And firelight is so much more flattering." 

Jed gave soft snort of laughter. "As if you need firelight." 

"I'm not getting any younger, Jed." 

"None of us are, darling." 

"Yes, but men just get more distinguished. I love those little laughlines at the corners of your eyes, and I love that your temples have just that little touch of gray. It makes you even more handsome and sexy." 

"Well, I believe I'm sitting with one of the fifty sexiest people in the world, so you're hardly chopped liver. Seriously though, Abbey. You're so beautiful, how can you not know that? Never mind the fact that you look twenty years younger than you are. You are more beautiful today than the day I married you." 

"Why?" 

"Why what?" 

"What makes me more beautiful?" Abbey sipped her wine. "I'm not fishing for compliments. I'm just curious." 

"Well, I think I would say it isn't so much your looks, although I do love the way you've filled out since having my babies. You know how much I love your incredible traffic stopping body and those soft curves. But I think it's more in your confidence and the way that you carry yourself. You know who are, Abbey. You're confident in who are, how you look and in your sexuality and that carries over. It's a very, very, sexy combination having both that body and that confidence." 

"You've never told me that before." 

"I know. If you'd asked me that at this time last year, I probably would have showed you with my mouth and my hands just what I found so appealing about you." 

"Well, there's nothing wrong with that," she gave him a naughty little grin. "But hearing the words is awfully nice too." 

**** 

When dinner was over and Abbey and Jed finished doing the dishes they made their way to the living room to watch _Cold Mountain_ which had just been released before Christmas. They'd both read the book and were now interested in seeing how the movie would compare. Both enjoyed historical movies and Abbey knew she would enjoy the added dimension of the love story. They cuddled up on the couch under a faded old quilt; Abbey tucking her legs up underneath herself and laying her head on Jed's chest, her arm carelessly thrown across his hips. It didn't take either of them long to get engrossed in the film and by the end, Jed could hear Abbey sniffling softly. 

"Tissue?" Jed leaned over the arm of the couch and pulled out a Kleenex. 

"Yes, thank you." Abbey dabbed at her eyes and blew her nose. 

"Abbey, you knew that Inman was going to die." 

"So?" 

"So you're crying. Weren't you prepared?" 

"Knowing and seeing are two different things, Jed. What are you smiling about anyway?" 

"You. Do you know how adorable you are when you're all sappy?" 

"Oh, yeah, with my nose all red and my mascara running." 

"You're not wearing mascara." He swiped a thumb over her cheek. "But, now that you mention it, your nose is a little red." 

Abbey elbowed him softly in the ribs. "A true gentleman would not have commented." 

"When did I ever claim to be a true gentleman?" Jed's hand slid over the curve of her hip. 

"No cheating, remember?" 

"Yeah," he sighed, then looked over at the clock. "We should really be hitting the sack. We have a big day tomorrow." 

"Oh, really. And what do we have planned for tomorrow?" 

"It's a surprise." 


	6. Time to Heal, A

Puzzled, Abbey watched the Maryland countryside roll by outside the window of the car. She gazed down at the cream colored sweater, soft dark brown corduroys and leather ankle boots that she wore. After returning from his NSA briefing that morning, Jed had still refused to give her any real hints about where they were going other than to say to dress casual. 

"Jed, you aren't taking me up to Annapolis, are you?" Abbey's eyes narrowed at the thought, for if they were going to any of the museums or upscale restaurants in Annapolis, she was sorely underdressed. 

"My God, woman, you really don't have any patience, do you?" Jed's exasperation came out as amusement. 

"You know me better than to think so." 

"Yeah," he grinned. "You getting hungry for some lunch?" 

Abbey looked around. They were in the middle of nowhere. "Well, um...Just where do you suggest we get a bite to eat." 

"Not a problem." Jed leaned over and tapped on the window that divided him and Abbey from their agents. "Ron, I'll take the basket now." 

"Yes, sir." Ron leaned over, then passed a big elegant picnic basket back to him. 

"Isn't it a little chilly for a picnic?" Abbey asked. 

"It would be if we were going to eat outside." He hit a button popping a table up in front of their seat then spread a tablecloth over it. "The benefits of taking a limousine." 

"Looks like you've thought of everything. What did you bring for food?" 

"Just a little snack to tide us over until supper. I'm not sure what's in the basket. I had it made up for us." 

"Well, let's see." Abbey was like a little kid with her hand in the candy jar pulling out smoked salmon, gourmet crackers and cheese spread, salami, Godiva chocolate truffles, biscotti, little rum cakes, caviar, crusty French bread and a big chunk of smoked Gouda cheese along with a bottle of Pouilly Fuisse and two wine glasses. 

"Things have changed a bit since we last dated." Abbey spread some caviar on a cracker and took a bite. 

"Just a bit," Jed chuckled. "From bologna and cheese by St. Mary's lake to caviar and smoked salmon in a limousine." 

"We've come a long way, baby." Abbey tapped her wineglass to his. "But I'll let you in on a little secret. I wouldn't have minded if it was bologna and cheese and soda as long as I was eating it with you." 

**** 

"Sir, we're here." Coop's voice came over the intercom giving Abbey and Jed a start. They had been so busy eating and chatting about old times at Notre Dame, they hadn't even realized that the limo had stopped. 

"So, let's see where exactly are we?" Abbey peered out her window then turned back to Jed with a raised brow. "A Chincoteague pony farm...Hmmm...wonder what made you think to come out here." 

Jed didn't look up from where he was putting their food back in the basket. 

"Jed..." 

"Ellie and Zoey were three, Abbey, and Aislinn really wants a pony. It's all she talks about. She..." 

"Ssh." Abbey placed her fingertips over Jed's lips. "I'm not going to give you a hard time about this. You're right, Ellie and Zoey were three when they got their first ponies but we lived on a farm. They also learned at the same time the responsibility of owning a horse and helping out to care for them. I just want to know that you're doing this for the right reasons." 

"What do you mean?" 

"You don't have to buy their love, babe. You don't have to try so hard. They love you for you. When we got to Harmony Point they must have asked me fifty times 'when's Daddy coming?'. They worship the ground that you walk on. You are their bigger than life daddy who wrestles with them and tickles them and tells them funny stories and makes them feel safe and important." 

Jed bit his lip fighting the emotions that warred inside of him. More than anything, he wanted his children to love him the way that he had never truly loved his father, with warmth and joy and without any fear. That was something that he had never known, something Abbey took for granted with her own father. Over the years, he knew he sometimes worked too hard to assure himself of that love, did a bit of spoiling and used a little bribery, but he didn't know many fathers who hadn't resorted to that a time or two. 

"I know what you're saying, but that's not why I'm doing this time, not entirely. Aislinn wants a pony really badly and I want her to learn to ride young – like the other girls. I'll feel safer. As far as taking care of the ponies goes, we'll keep them here in Maryland and the twins can help out on the weekends. You did say you wanted to get over to Harmony Point more often. We can get them started learning how to feed and water and muck and saddle soap their tack." 

"Well, okay then." Abbey started to climb out of the limo. "It sounds like you've thought this through." 

"Don't sound so surprised." Jed followed her out on the other side. "After all, I was the kid who ALWAYS did his homework." 

From the barn, Barbara Locke made her way nervously toward the motorcade. She couldn't believe that she was actually about to meet the President and First Lady – had in fact been stunned when she had gotten the call from the White House and the President had come on the line questioning her about the size, breeding and temperaments of her ponies. She watched the couple in jeans, corduroys and barn jackets make their way across the field toward her. She didn't know why she was so surprised to see them so casual. Had she really expected them to arrive at a farm in a three-piece suit and a ball gown? Still, those were the images she saw on the nightly news – not the First Lady with her long hair pulled back in a high swinging ponytail and trendy sunglasses or the President in a chambray open necked shirt and sneakers. They looked young; certainly less sophisticated than she was used to seeing them and they were a very, very attractive couple. 

"Barbara Locke?" Jed asked. 

"Yes, sir. It's nice to meet you." 

"Nice to meet you, too." Jed smiled that charming Bartlet smile and Abbey could see the woman nearly swoon before them. Her husband seemed to have that affect on women. "This is my wife, Abbey." 

"Yes..." Barbara stuttered reaching out to shake her hand. "It's um, nice to meet you, ma'am. I admire you so much." 

"Aren't you sweet." Abbey smiled. She was used to people getting all tongue-tied when they met her. 

"Abbey's the real horse person in the relationship so she's the one who knows exactly what we are looking for here." 

"Well, I'm not sure if you know the story of the Chincoteague Ponies or not?" Barbara turned her questioning gaze on Abbey. 

"Oh yes, my girls and I are big fans of Marguerite Henry. _Misty of the Chincoteague_ was a favorite. I'm assuming that's why my husband chose to come here." 

Jed nodded in agreement. 

"So you know that every year there is a round up of the wild ponies from Assateague to Chincoteague Island and some of the foals are sold off to keep the herd from getting too big." 

"And you sell the ponies here?" 

"I sell a select few. These are either colts or fillies directly from the last round up or descendents of them." 

"Tell me a little bit about them as ponies. I've always gotten my children Shetlands as their first ponies. I want to make sure they'll be okay temperament-wise. Our daughter and son are just turning three next weekend." 

"These ponies are great with children. In fact they are known as the 'puppy dogs' of the horse world because they love people. They have a sweet, very easygoing disposition and are very gentle. Because they are so friendly, they really are quite ideal for children. Since they descend from the wild ponies on the island, they are also very hardy and used to harsh elements so they will be right at home in a New England winter since I understand that in a couple years you're planning to return to your farm in New Hampshire." 

"Yes, for the time being they'll be kept at our home in Port Harmony north of here on the Bay; but when Jed's term is up, we will be returning to the farm and our winters up there can be very harsh." 

"These ponies will be fine with that. As you can see, they have a nice shaggy coat that helps them brave the elements." 

Abbey turned to look at Jed. He had not said a word but was standing with his arms crossed over his chest and a smug smile on his face. He looked very proud of his efforts. 

"Don't just stand there grinning," she told him. "Let's go look at some ponies." 

"Yes, ma'am." 

Abbey was meandering along the white paddock fence when Jed called out to her. 

"Abbey, look, this one's perfect. It has the patches that Aislinn likes, you know, like the plastic horse of hers that Nicholas flushed down the toilet." 

Abbey glanced up to see him striding toward her with excitement. He looked so masculine and boyishly handsome in his blue jeans and sneakers, his slate blue barn jacket flapping open despite the chill and his bronze hair windblown and gleaming in the winter sun. As he got closer, she caught the twinkle of excitement in his blue eyes. 

"It's a pinto, Jed," she told him. 

"What's a pinto?" 

"The name of the horses with patches." 

"Oh. Well, look, that's the one." He pointed out a pretty little filly with red and white patches. 

"That's Buttercup," Barbara said. 

"You're kidding." Both Abbey and Jed turned to Barbara with wide eyes. 

"Uh, no...Is something wrong?" 

"No," Abbey laughed. "It's just that 'Buttercup' is my nickname for my daughter. I think it might be fate or something." 

"Maybe it is. Buttercup is a red and white pinto and she's a sweetheart. You have a good eye, Mr. President." 

"Thank you. I like to think that I do." 

Abbey rolled her eyes good-naturedly and entered the pen to check out the little filly's soundness. When everything looked okay, they turned their attention to finding a pony for Nicholas, for even though the boy wasn't as interested in ponies as his sister, there was no way they could buy one for her and not for him, not if they wanted to avert World War Three. They finally chose a very friendly little black, brown and white pinto appropriately named Patches and after paying for the ponies, despite Barbara's objections, and planning for the transport, they were back in the limo and headed toward Harmony Point. 

Abbey assumed that their afternoon out was over and was surprised when the limo pulled into a small parking lot in what was considered "downtown" Port Harmony. 

"What's going on?" she frowned. 

"We're going to do a little shopping." 

"What kind of shopping?" 

"Antiquing. We haven't gone antiquing in ages." 

"And the Service is okay with this? I mean you can't just spontaneously decide to go shopping." 

"Believe me, none of this was spontaneous. We just have to let them know what establishments we want to go into and they'll scope it out before we go in." 

Abbey knew the routine. She also knew there were probably sharpshooters on the top of the old brick and whitewashed buildings that made up downtown Port Harmony. It gave her a shiver but she was determined not to let it bother her, not today. She was enjoying having an entire normal day with Jed far too much to let anything bug her. 

Port Harmony was a lovely, elegant old pre-Revolutionary town that reminded Abbey of the New England coastal towns where she had grown up. Cafés and upscale restaurants were interspersed with antique shops, art galleries and stores that sold high quality local products. In the past, she had made quick stops into Dickson's General Store quite often when she was in town, but never had she and Jed strolled hand and hand down the cobblestone and brick sidewalks enjoying a sunny warm winter day. Abbey didn't remember a time that she could have walked around in January in New Hampshire in a barncoat, but fifty degrees was a lot warmer than zero. 

Abbey liked the way that Jed kept smiling down at her, as if he was simply enjoying the time that they were spending together and she felt happiness fill her heart. It had been so long that she had simply allowed herself to be happy in the moment, to just enjoy a special afternoon with the man she loved and simply let go of the past. She squeezed Jed's hand more tightly as they entered an antique shop knowing that she was ready to put the past well and truly behind them and embrace their future. 

"Abbey, would you look at this." 

Abbey set down an apothecary bottle she was examining and moved to find Jed. He had that awed look on his face that he got when he made a particularly great find. He was looking at dusty framed map. Abbey pulled her reading glasses out of her purse and slipped them up the bridge of her nose. The map was yellowed, worn and stained in some places. Abbey was the descendent of privateers and whalers; she loved to sail and knew a depth chart when she was looking at one. 

"Wow, this is old. What does that say in the corner...1712?" 

"Yeah. This is phenomenal. A depth chart of the Chesapeake circa 1712." 

Abbey nodded. She was already thinking how nice it would look next the Jean Lafitte map she had gotten him of the Louisiana bayous when they were in New Orleans; and when Jed reluctantly put it back on the wall and moved along to look at some dusty old books, she motioned to the shopkeeper that she was going to purchase the framed map. After all, Valentine's Day was right around the corner and while it wasn't a particularly romantic gift, she knew how much it would be appreciated. 

In the next elegant little brick building was glass studio and art gallery that was owned and run by a local glass blowing artist. Inside, Jed eyed a delicate transparent pale cranberry colored ball with intricate swirls of glass on the inside. 

"That's beautiful, Jed. You know what it is, don't you?" Abbey asked. 

Jed shook his head. He was reaching for the tag giving its description but Abbey stopped him. 

"It's an Olde English witch ball. You're supposed to hang them in your windows and they ward off the evil spirits." 

"Really. Does that work only for spirits of the other realm or the evil spirits of Republicans like Jeff Haffley?" 

"I don't think a witch ball will help you with that evil spirit. Then again, they are supposed to remove negative energy in the environment as well. That's what those dreamcatcher–like threads inside the ball are for. So, maybe you could string a bunch of them up in the Oval Office when he's supposed to make a visit." 

"Or maybe hang one around Toby's neck." 

"There you go," Abbey laughed. 

Jed watched her hold the ball up to the window catching the light. 

"You like it, don't you?" 

"It's lovely and look at the way it catches the light." 

Jed turned his gaze to the glass blowing artist who was nervously staying just out of range while the President and First Lady surveyed her artwork. "We'll take this witch ball." 

Abbey's eyes moved from the ball to Jed. In spite of his wealth, he was a frugal Yankee much of the time and not usually such an impulsive buyer. "Thank you, Jed." She leaned forward to kiss his cheek, stopping the artist who was on her way to box up the delicate ball dead in her tracks and causing her to turn beet red. The smile the First Lady was giving the President was about as intimate as the soft kiss she had given him and she wasn't sure if the should interrupt them. But, the tender moment was over when the First Lady spied some hand blown glass wind chimes hanging in another window and she was able to move forward to get the ball. By the time the couple left the studio, they had purchased the witch ball, a stained glass depiction of the bluffs, salt marshes and wide expanse of Chesapeake Bay that the First Lady said would always remind her of the time she and her family spent at Harmony Point, and ten different sets of windchimes – one for their own farm and eight they said they would save for Christmas for their mothers, daughters, sister, sister-in-law and someone named CJ. 

"Now THAT was a productive shopping spree," Abbey said as they stepped back out onto the sidewalk. A sharp breeze had picked up in velocity and she shivered at the same moment she inhaled the sharp tang of the salt marsh that lay below them, stretching out to the bay. 

"Cold?" Jed asked slipping an arm around her shoulders. 

"A little." Abbey lifted her arm shoving her sleeve back to take a peek at her watch. 

"Uh uh." Jed stopped her. "Remember, no watches, no time constraints, no pressure. Just you and me." 

"I know...It's just...I'm getting hungry," she admitted. 

"Good, because we're just about where I planned to have dinner." 

Abbey glanced down a street that headed toward the edge of the bluff overlooking the bay and at its very tip lay the _Chesapeake Bay Oyster House_ and the tantalizing scent of fresh seafood. They walked the short distance to the restaurant still enjoying the fresh air and the feeling of freedom and normalcy. They were obviously expected – Jed had left nothing to chance – and were brought directly out to the "porch" – a secluded dining area with floor to ceiling glass windows. The glass windows overlooked the water and since they were on the edge of the land, it was almost as if they were suspended in the air simply hanging over the bay. They dined on the house specialties of fresh crab cakes and pan-seared halibut. And, when they left the restaurant almost two hours later, Jed stopped at the gift shop making Abbey laugh when he purchased her a T-shirt with a giant Maryland blue crab on the front and the saying "I'm Feeling a Little Crabby". It was a whimsical purchase that delighted Abbey. 

Back in the limo on the way home, she took Jed's hand squeezing gently. "Thank you for today, Jed." 

"You're welcome, but you don't need to thank me. I had a really good time. It was like old times, before I was President." 

"Yeah, it was. I've missed being able to just putter around with you enjoying the day." 

"It's so easy to get insulated in the White House. Sometimes, unless we're at the farm or in Maine, I forget there is a world outside that building." 

"I know, it's easy to do, especially since I've been so wrapped up with the kids. I hear about a great new restaurant or art gallery and I think it would be great for us to go. But then it just seems like such a hassle and production to get the Service to 'sweep' it for us and then, after working and taking care of the kids, I'm so tired so I just forget it about it." 

"I don't want us to do that anymore. I'm not saying we can go out antiquing together every weekend, but we need to make time for each other as couple outside of the White House." 

"I'd like that. I've missed that." 

"Me too." He bent his head down touching his lips softly to hers. "Me too." 

**** 

"Ellie, you're saying that you felt the bond with your father was strengthened during your mother and sister's captivity." Sonia had the whole Bartlet clan back in for another session. 

"Yes," Ellie nodded. 

"In what way? Was your relationship weak before that?" 

"I wouldn't call it weak." 

"Did you doubt his love for you?" 

Abbey rested her hand on Jed's forearm stopping him from butting in when she felt his body tense. 

"Not his love." 

"What then? What did you doubt?" 

"I knew he loved me, but I didn't know whether or not he liked me, or if he was proud of me." 

"You skipped a year in high school. You graduated Magna cum Laude from Wellesley College and attended Johns Hopkins Medical School. What would lead you to believe that any parent wouldn't be proud of that?" 

"I'm shy." Ellie's voice was barely a whisper. 

"What?" Sonia asked. 

"I said I'm shy. I'm a bookworm. I hate having attention focused on me. I'm not comfortable in large groups of people, which pretty much makes me useless when it comes to campaigning. My sisters aren't like that. Both Elizabeth and Zoey are very outgoing and comfortable around people. They love being out there handing out campaign buttons and literature and trying to convince people to vote for Dad. They can fight back when people say bad things about him." 

"And you can't?" 

Ellie shook her head negatively. "I couldn't when I was younger. I've gotten better about it." 

"How do you feel when your father is attacked by the press or an opponent?" 

"It hurts. I know my dad. I love my dad, and when they say cruel things or lie about him, it hurts me. It's one of the things that I hate most about politics." 

"Ellie, honey, I never knew that." Jed turned compassion-filled eyes his sensitive daughter's way. 

"I didn't want you to know. You and Mom were able to shrug it off as 'politics' and Liz and Zoey would fume and vent. You guys all seemed to have such thick skin and I didn't want you to think I was a baby because I had such thin skin. I guess I just always felt that if only people would take the time to get to know you, they'd see that you're one of the good guys." 

"Oh, sweetheart, you may not have felt you had something to contribute to the campaign, but just saying that to a few reporters would have gone a long way." 

Ellie gave a soft laugh and tucked a blond strand of hair nervously behind her ear. She was never comfortable being the center of attention especially when that attention was focused on her relationship with her father. 

"Have you always felt this way, Ellie?" 

"Well, not always about the campaigning. Mom and Dad did a good job shielding us from that until we were old enough to want to participate." 

"So you were never made to participate?" 

"No, Dad always said that it was his choice to run for office, not ours, and he always left it up to us. I mean there were some things we had to do as a family. Election night on the podium, inaugurations and stuff, but the campaigning was optional. When I was younger, I used to have to go along with Mom but she was okay with me staying in the car reading while she and my sisters did their thing." 

"Well, I think that's a very healthy way to deal with things. That must have been a relief for you." 

"I guess." Ellie shrugged. 

"You don't sound so sure of that." 

"I don't know. When I was a little girl, Dad and I were so close and then... I guess when I got older and I let on that I didn't like to campaign, I felt left out. Sometimes I wish..." Ellie's eyes filled with tears and she turned to look at her puzzled father. 

"Sometimes you wish what, El? Are you saying that you WANTED me force you to campaign? I know you. You're my daughter. You wouldn't have responded well to that at all." 

"I wouldn't have wanted you to force me. It's just...You never needed me. You had Liz and Zoey. The minute I said I didn't want to do something on the campaign, you just let it go. You never once said to me, 'I really need you to do this for me, Ellie.'" 

"There was no way that I was going to manipulate you that way," Jed told her. "I knew you weren't comfortable in the limelight. I wasn't going to try to cajole you into it, at least, not when it came to campaigning for ME. There were times when I pushed you to do things for yourself. Things that I thought would help you to grow, but I wouldn't push you to do something for me that you didn't want to do. Ellie, you are a sweet, kind, young lady with a huge, huge heart. Since you were a little girl, you've only wanted to please people. I could have gotten you to campaign with me if I'd wanted to. I could have played on your guilt, but I had my own guilt." 

"YOU had guilt?" 

"I felt bad when I moved from teaching to public life because I really didn't want to disrupt your life, or your sisters' or your mother's, for that matter. I still think it's a shame that that has to happen. And also, if we're being honest here, I was a bit stubborn and a little hurt. I wanted you to WANT to be a part of things. I WANTED you to be proud of me. I didn't want to have to beg you for that or force you into it. I guess I internalized a lot of that into a belief that you just didn't like me enough to want to help me." 

Abbey reached out to take Jed's hand. Only she knew what he was leaving left unsaid, that he'd spent a lifetime fighting for the love of his aloof parents and how much it hurt him when he didn't get it. Having to do the same thing with his daughter hurt him even more. 

"LIKE you? Dad, I LOVE you. Every man I meet I measure up to you and so far, they've all come up lacking. And, of course, I was proud of you, Dad. I AM proud of you. I'm proud of both you AND Mom. You two really are an inspiration to all of us. Sure there are times when you do things that I don't like or understand, but I know in your heart that you're one of the good guys. I know that, Dad, with all my heart." 

"You have no idea how much it means to me to have you say that, Ellie." Jed's voice quivered with emotion. 

"And that's why you got so close with your father during the kidnapping," Sonia continued, "because he needed you?" 

"He never needed me before...just me. There was always Mom or Liz or Zoey. But, when Mom, Aislinn and Zoey were missing, and Liz was busy taking care of Annie, Gus and Nicky and the grandparents, I took care of Dad. It was nice to feel needed by him, but the way he was behaving scared me. I've never seen him broken like that. He's always so powerful and just full of...oh I don't know...LIFE. But when Mom and the girls were taken, it was like a part of him died. He was lost, sometimes in a daze. He'd forget to eat and sleep, like all he could think about was the fact that they were gone. I was so scared..." Ellie stifled a sob. 

"What were you afraid of, Ellie?" 

"I was so afraid they were going to kill my mom and the girls. I couldn't imagine life without my mother and sisters, but I was also scared because right then, all I had was my dad; and I knew if they died that I was going to lose him too." Ellie's shoulders shook on the sob she could no longer hold back and Jed got to his feet to place his arm over those shoulders while she wiped at her eyes with a tissue. "I knew there was no way that he would be able to survive that." 

"Do you know how nice it was for me to know how much you loved and cared for me?" Jed started to rub Ellie's back in a soothing circular motion like he used to when she was a little girl. "Like I said earlier, there were times when I wondered just where I rated in your life, but when push came to shove, I found out. You were always right there with a cup of tea or coffee, a pillow and a quilt, a shoulder to lean on. You were so much like your mother, Ellie, that it took my breath away at times. And I can't tell you the warmth that I felt in just having you there with me, taking care of me when I could barely take care of Nicholas and myself. And then when your mom left and I felt so all alone, you were right there coming to dinner once a week, calling me on the phone twice a day. I felt your love, sweetheart, and I knew we were going to be okay." 

"We are, Daddy. We are." Ellie threw her arms around Jed's shoulders burying her face into her father's chest. 

"I do love you, Ellie-belly." Jed stroked her silky hair. 

"Don't call me that," Ellie sniffed. 

Jed looked over Ellie's head at Abbey's tear stained face with a soft smile of love. "I think I will." 

**** 

"Zoey, why don't you just sit down and relax." Elizabeth put an arm around her younger sister's shoulders and led her to a chair at the kitchen table in the White House Residence. 

"It's out of our hands now," Jed said resting a hand on the top of Zoey's head. "You and your mother did your jobs. Now it's up to the jurors." 

"What if they believe him?" Zoey nibbled on a fingernail and Liz smacked her hand away from her mouth. 

"Don't bite your nails." 

"Don't boss me around." 

"Girls, don't bicker." Abbey didn't even look up from the cocoa she was stirring on the stove. 

"Here, Zoey." Ellie placed a steaming mug of cocoa in front of her. 

"Thanks, El." Zoey lifted the mug blowing softly then looked across the table at where her father sat with Nicholas on his lap. "Didn't Leonard say the longer the jury deliberates the more chance that they are leaning toward not guilty?" 

Liz looked at her watch. "They've only been deliberating for a couple hours." 

"And if they don't find him guilty, we can still slap a civil suit on him, can't we?" Ellie asked. 

"Damn straight we can," Jed stated firmly. "However we have to do it, he IS going to pay." 

Abbey turned from the stove and glanced at the kitchen table where her husband and daughters were circling around one of their youngest. It warmed her heart to watch them, these beautiful members of her family, her flesh and blood, loyal and dependable, always there for each other, always ready to fight for each other. She was so proud of them all, proud of this family that she and Jed had created. 

She was just starting to pour cocoa into more mugs when the shrill ring of the phone caused her to jump and spill it over the counter. The room went silent as everyone stared at the phone, no one moving to pick it up. Finally, Jed set Nicky down and went to answer. Disregarding the mess on the counter, Abbey wiped her hands on a dishtowel and moved to Zoey's chair. Both Liz and Ellie had risen as well and now they all circled Zoey's chair. 

"Yes...Yes...I see..." Jed glanced over at his women the four of them staring at him with pale faces and wide eyes. "Okay, then...We'll be waiting for your call." He hung up the phone and turned to them. 

"The jury is in. We have a verdict." 


	7. Time to Heal, A

Tension ran high at the White House Residence as the Bartlets waited for a call from the prosecutor's office giving them the verdict of the jury in Jean Paul de Bourbon's trial. Abbey had Nicholas and Aislinn on her lap reading them a story to keep busy while she waited and Jed, Elizabeth, Ellie and Zoey were seated around the coffee table playing cards. When the phone finally did ring, everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at it. 

"Daddy," Zoey's voice quivered and Jed reached for the phone. 

"Hello...Yes, Leonard." 

Abbey stopped reading and started to lift the children off her lap so she could get to Zoey's side. 

"Mommy, you finish story." Aislinn was trailing her, tugging at her jeans. 

"Not right now, honey." Abbey stood behind Zoey placing a hand on her shoulder. Elizabeth and Ellie stood and made their way around the table, each moving to Abbey's side and sliding their arms around her waist. They all faced Jed trying to gage what had happened by his reaction to the man on the phone. 

"Mommy, wass wrong?" Nicholas asked with a frown. 

"Nothing's wrong, Nicky...Ssh..." Abbey's attention moved back to Jed; everyone waiting expectantly as he hung up the phone. 

"Jed?" Abbey's voice was tense, a look of worry on her face until she saw the satisfied smile cross her husband's face. 

"It's my immense pleasure to tell you that Jean Paul de Bourbon was found guilty on all charges." 

Zoey hunched forward, tears of relief stinging her eyes. She hadn't realized that she'd been holding her breath until her father had spoken and she'd been able to release it. Now she felt slightly lightheaded as her sisters cheered around her and everyone began hugging and talking at the same time. Then her father was kneeling in front of her. 

"You did it, baby." He reached a hand out to take Abbey's while he talked to Zoey. "You and your mom made sure that the Vicomte is going to pay dearly for his part in what happened to all of you." 

"How long did he get?" Zoey asked. 

"I don't know. Sentencing will take place next week but given the seriousness of his crime and that he was convicted on the aggravated kidnapping charge, he could get up to thirty years in prison." 

"It's really over, isn't it?" 

Abbey knelt next to Jed taking Zoey's hand between both of hers. "Yeah, it's really over, sweetheart. They're all gone now, every one of them who hurt us. They've all paid for what they did." 

"How do you feel, Zo?" Ellie asked. 

"Like a big weight has been lifted off my chest. Like I can move forward again rather than looking back all the time." 

"Well, I think this is cause for a celebration." Jed turned to the rest of his family. "Who wants hot fudge sundaes?" 

"I think I could finally eat a little something," Zoey smiled. 

With all the girls, Nicky and Aislinn busy in the kitchen making their hot fudge sundaes, Abbey got the chance to pull Jed aside. 

"You know, I'll never look at this room the same way." Jed was grinning as Abbey pulled him into the pantry for a little privacy remembering their very passionate Christmas morning encounter. 

"Well, I didn't drag you in here for any of that." 

"Why did you drag me in here?" 

"I was just thinking. You know, it hit me when Zoey asked me if it was over." 

"What hit you?" 

"That it isn't over. Not for me." 

"I know. We still have some sessions in therapy left." 

"I don't mean that. I mean... I suppose it's therapeutic." 

"Abbey, you've lost me here." 

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm really bungling this up. But there is something I need to talk to you about." 

"So talk." Jed frowned as he watched Abbey nervously gnaw on her lower lip. 

"I want to go to the trailer." 

"What trailer? The trailer where you were kept captive?" 

Abbey nodded. "I need to see it, Jed. I never saw it. I just...I still have these awful nightmares of that place, that horrible dark pit from hell, because to me that's what it was. I don't think things will ever truly be over for me until I confront that place." 

"I don't know, Abbey." A worried frown creased Jed's forehead. "I see what you're saying...it's just..." 

"Just what?" 

"You're still in a pretty emotionally fragile place right now. I'm not sure seeing that trailer and opening those wounds would be such a good idea, at least not yet. I don't want to see you hurt." 

"I won't be hurt. You'll be with me." 

"We should talk to Sonia about it." 

"Jed, no matter what Sonia says, I want to go to that trailer. I want the same closure that Zoey is feeling right now. I want to put this whole thing behind me once and for all." 

**** 

"So, what are the plans for tonight?" 

"Hmmm...What?" Jed looked up at Leo from the briefing he was reading. 

"Your plans...for tonight..." 

"Am I missing something here?" 

"It's Friday night. Date night. What have you got up your sleeve this week?" 

"Oh, that," Jed grinned. "Actually I didn't plan anything for tonight. My schedule is filled with late afternoon and evening appointments and Abbey already informed me that she is otherwise occupied, so I'll probably just kick back and watch the Bruins take on the Capitols." 

"Really?" Leo looked surprised. He couldn't imagine any woman turning down a night of romance. 

"Did you forget? It's the kids' birthday tomorrow. You know how women are with children's birthday parties. Everything has to be just perfect and Abbey's really anal about the twins maintaining their individual identities. So we practically have two whole different themed parties going on. You are going to make an appearance, aren't you?" 

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," Leo smiled. "Three years old. Seems like just yesterday that I was afraid Abbey was going to give birth right there on the floor of the Capitol building." 

"My wife does have a certain flare for drama, doesn't she?" 

"Are you talking about me?" Abbey breezed into the Oval Office in jeans and an oversized black and yellow Boston Bruins hockey shirt that nearly swallowed her small frame. 

"Abbey?" Jed raised a brow at her get-up. "What's going on?" 

"Let's go, Bartlet." She tossed him an identical shirt. "It'll look fine with your black pants." 

"I'm not worried about whether I'll match or not. I'm wondering what the hell is going on here." 

"You're not the only one who can do surprises. You know that hockey game you wanted to watch on TV tonight?" 

"Yeah." 

"Well, that's a no-go." 

"But...the shirts?" He assumed Abbey was planning on watching the game with him. 

"We need them to show our allegiance since we're going to be sitting at the game." 

"At the game? The Bruins/Capitols game?" 

"Is there any other Bruins game you wanted to watch tonight?" 

"I can't go, Abbey. As much as it kills me to say that, I can't go to the hockey game tonight. I have meetings right through the evening. I thought you were going to be busy with finishing preparation on the twins' birthday party." 

"Well, since I'm pretty anal about that kind of stuff, I've had the preparations done for ages." 

Leo looked down to hide his smile and the laughter that was threatening to erupt. 

"Eavesdropping is not polite, darling." 

"I wasn't eavesdropping. You left the door open. I think that's something you really need to work on... DARLING." Abbey winked at him. 

"Yes...uh... well..." 

Abbey's grin widened at Jed's stuttering and the red that crept into his face at the memory of bringing her to orgasm right here against the very desk he was leaning on now with the door wide open on Christmas Eve. 

"Well, uh, whatever the case may be, I do have another meeting in about a half hour." 

"You sure do. You have a meeting with a hot dog and a beer and front row seats at the hockey game." 

"Abbey–" Jed's disappointed voice came very, very close to a whine. 

"Your appointments are fake, Jed." Abbey grinned with a sparkle in her eye that he hadn't seen in a very long time. "I had Debbie pencil them in so you wouldn't plan anything special for us tonight and the Secret Service has been working on the logistics all week." 

"You can do that?" 

"Evidently I can...and I did. Now do you want to go out with me or not? 'Cause if you don't want to go, I could ask someone else." She turned to look at Leo. "What do you think, Leo? You think anyone around this joint might want to go on a date to a hockey game with me?" 

Jed grabbed her arm spinning her back towards him. "No way, babe. We're exclusive." 

"Well then, get your shirt on and get the lead out." 

**** 

"I saw you on the news last night." Leo watched Jed packing up the speech papers from the radio address he had just given. "Looks like you and Abbey had a good time at the game." 

"We did. Of course, it's always nice when your team wins." 

"Except when you have money on the other team," Josh grumbled. 

Jed turned to him shaking his head. "When are you going to learn not to bet against my teams, my friend?" 

"It always seemed like such a sure bet," Josh whispered to CJ. 

"I heard that." Jed cast a warning look over the top of his glasses. 

"Sir, what IS he doing?" Josh turned everyone's attention to where Nicholas was crawling around on all fours barking as he waited for his mother and his sister to come out of the bathroom so they could leave for the first part of his birthday party – a trip to the Kennedy Center to see a performance of _The Lion King_. 

Jed shrugged, unconcerned. "What does it look like he's doing, Josh? He's pretending to be a dog." 

"A dog..." Josh's skeptical look moved from the President back to his son. Nicholas Bartlet sprung from the loins of a Nobel laureate and a brilliant surgeon and he was crawling around barking and panting like a dog. Josh couldn't seem to wrap his mind around that, nor the fact that the President was merely amused by it all. 

Jed caught Josh's look and knew exactly what he was thinking. "He's three years old, Josh. What do you expect him to be doing – quantum physics? At one time or another, all my girls pretended to be dogs, cats or bunny rabbits. In fact for one entire day, Ellie pretended to be a cat to the point that she would only lap her milk out of a bowl... and you know what? All my girls skipped grades in elementary school and graduated from college with high honors. Nicky won't be any different." Jed bent to pat the boy's head. 

"Daddy! Daddy!" Aislinn raced from Jed's private bathroom into the office with a smiling Abbey not far behind her. "I goed pee pee on da potty. I's a BIG girl!" 

"You ARE a big girl, sunshine. That's great. Give me five." Jed stuck out his hand and Aislinn smacked it with gusto. 

"I gots on my new undies that Mumma gotted me. Wanna see?" She lifted the taffeta skirt of her purple party dress flashing her "princess" underwear. 

"Those are...lovely." CJ bit back her laughter at her goddaughter's antics. 

"Mommy gots new undies too. Show dem, mumma." 

"Now, THAT I wouldn't mind seeing," Josh lifted a brow Abbey's way with interest. 

"Dream on," Abbey muttered crossing her arms over her breasts. 

"Stop picturing my wife in her underwear," Jed ordered sternly. 

Oblivious to the undercurrents in the room, Aislinn continued on. "My undies gots Awiel and Belle and Cindewella on dem. Awiel gots wed hair like my mumma. I don't gots wed hair. I gots lellow hair like Cindewella. Mumma say Daddy an' Ellie gots lellow hair too. Ellie's my sister. I got lots of sisters. I only got one brudder. Nicky. He don't got pwincess undies like me, but he gots a pee pee like Daddy. Mumma and me don't gots pees pees, but Mumma gots big boobies. Daddy..." 

"Okay, chatty Cathy, that's enough with the family secrets..." Abbey scooped her precocious daughter into her arms while chuckles filled the room. "I think this is our cue to leave. Time to go see _The Lion King_." 

"Oh, come on, Abbey. I wouldn't mind hearing what she has to say," Leo grinned. 

"I'm sure you wouldn't, but, sorry, the show's over." 

**** 

A few hours later, Leo made his way down to the White House indoor pool for the twins' birthday party. The sound of shrieking children and the big banner proclaiming "HAPPY BIRTHDAY AISLINN AND NICHOLAS!" along with the dozens of balloons and the soundtrack to _The Lion King_ blaring told him he was in the right place. As he stepped into the room, he saw some children splashing in the pool with their parents, while some were being supervised in a giant bubble pit filled with balls and some were still eating pizza at a long table. Leo's gaze fell to Jed who was standing in the shallow end of the pool surrounded by children begging him to toss them in the air next. He was in his glory, laughing and teasing them. Abbey wandered around the pool in a striking sleek one-piece suit with a matching sheer sarong haphazardly tied to one shapely hip. She was taking pictures of the event with a digital camera. 

"Zaaaaaaap! I GOTCHA." 

Leo, who had been admiring Abbey's shapely figure, nearly jumped out of his skin at the loud voice behind him. He turned to see young Nicholas Bartlet and a friend in their swimsuits carrying plastic laser swords that lit up as they waved them at him. Nicholas was looking at him expectantly as if he was supposed to be doing something. 

"Is something wrong, Nicholas?" Leo asked. 

Nicholas frowned at his father's friend. "I GOTTED you. You're apposed to fall down like my daddy does when I shoot him." 

"Oh, well," Leo gazed down at his thousand dollar suit. "This is a pretty expensive suit. I don't want to get it all wet." 

"My daddy ALWAYS falls down." Nicholas got that Bartlet mutinous look on his face that Leo knew so very well. 

"Stubbornness must run in your genes," he smiled affectionately. 

"Nicky, leave your Uncle Leo alone," Abbey laughed. "It's just about time to dry off for cake and ice cream anyway. Why don't you go tell Daddy it's time to get out of the pool." 

"I want cake! I want cake!" Nicky and his friend started chanting on their way over to the pool. 

"Where did all these kids come from?" Leo asked. 

"Some of them belong to women and men on my staff that the kids have gotten to know, and some of them are children they've become friendly with from going to Storytime at the library and, of course, there is Andi and Toby with Molly and Huck." 

"Heck of thing, being invited to the White House for a birthday party." 

"Mmm..." 

"You don't look thrilled." 

"Let's just say I'm glad they'll only be six years old when we leave the White House. I imagine it would be very difficult for them if they were any older. You know, having to wonder who really wanted to be their friend and who was just using them for an invite to the White House." 

"You're looking forward to getting back to the farm?" 

"It may not be politically correct for me to say so, but yeah, I really am. I'm looking forward to a sense of normalcy and freedom again. It will be nice not to have to worry about watching everything that I say or do or wear and to be able to live my life as I see fit again." 

"I know it must be hard for you and I know that we as a staff don't sympathize enough with you." 

"No, you don't, Leo. At times I've been like your little puppet – dress her up pretty, tell her where to go and what to say..." Abbey watched Jed climb out of the pool followed by a line of wet children as if he were the pied piper. 

"Abbey?" 

"No, this isn't the time to get into all of this. Today is the celebration of my children's birth. It's a happy day, Leo, a miraculous day." 

Leo nodded understanding completely. 

"Hey, Leo, you made it." Jed approached them towel drying his hair. 

"Wouldn't miss it. I was right outside the door the day that they came into this world. They were only an hour old the first time I held them. There's no way I'd miss the celebration of that day." Leo watched Aislinn chasing Nicky trying to grab his towel. 

"Watch this, Leo," Jed grinned as he turned to look at his kids. The next time Aislinn, in her little pink tankini, made a circle around him he called out to her, "Hey, Aislinn. Who loves ya, baby?" 

Aislinn stopped in her tracks then grinned up at him with dimples and shining green eyes and wet little blond ringlets. "Daddy wuvs me." She closed her eyes and kept her head tilted up at him with her lips pursed for her father's quick peck. Once she got her kiss, she took off again after her brother. Jed smiled at Leo beaming with fatherly adoration. 

"She's a honey, that one, Jed." Leo's smile was soft, almost wistful. "A real honey." 

"Abbey..." Both men and Abbey looked up to see Leann, Abbey's social secretary approaching with a crying eight month old baby in her arms, a bottle dangling uselessly from her hand. "Did you have this kind of problem when you tried to wean the twins off the breast? I mean is this normal?" 

Abbey smiled and held out her arms to hold little Megan. "Hi, Meggie," she cooed at the baby. "Are you giving your mom a hard time?" 

"That's putting it mildly. She just doesn't want to take the formula. I'm at my wits end." 

"Leann. Don't worry. It's very normal. Every child is different. Elizabeth, Ellie and the twins had issues, but Zoey could not have cared less when we switched over. Frustrating, though, isn't it?" 

"You're telling me." 

"Little Meggie here just needs to get accustomed to the taste of formula instead of breast milk, right Meggie?" 

"Is there really that much difference?" Josh, who had just dropped by the party to leave the twins their gifts, stepped into the conversation. "I remember the night the President was weaning the twins and they were pitching a HUGE fit. I mean...over breast milk." Josh grimaced with obvious distaste. 

"Don't knock it till you've tried it." Jed took a bite of birthday cake oblivious to the silence and stares that he had created. 

"Really?" Josh lifted a brow. "You've tasted it?" 

Abbey was turning redder by the second, her eyes shooting daggers at Jed. 

"Yeah." It was then that Jed noticed CJ, Leo and Josh's stares and Abbey's embarrassment and he realized what he had just admitted. Well, there wasn't anything wrong with what he'd done. He wasn't ashamed. "Come on, people. My wife has breast-fed five children. This can hardly be news. It's a very natural process, wholesome and–" 

"Jed." Abbey cut him off knowing very well that while nursing her children was natural and wholesome, the times that he had tasted her had been highly erotic and not at all wholesome. "That's enough. Good Lord, I guess we can all see where Aislinn gets it from." 

Laughter erupted and Abbey handed Meggie back to her mother along with some advice about weaning. Jed took another bite cake as Leo sidled up next to him. 

"You really tasted it?" he asked, surprise still evident in his voice. 

"Yeah," Jed grinned. "Course I did. Come on, Leo. Jenny breast-fed, Mal. You know what it was like..." Jed thought of the moments he had been making love to Abbey and would simply slide his tongue over her nipple and her milk would release. "You really never tried it?" 

"Not once." 

Now it was Jed's turn to face his friend with surprise. "You should have given it a try, my friend. It really wasn't half bad." 

**** 

"Abbey?" 

Abbey looked up from where she was wiping chocolate frosting from her son's fingertips and grinned. "CJ, I'm so glad you came." 

"Well, my goddaughter and her brother only turn three once. Can't miss that." 

"I'm glad." 

CJ smiled in relief. Abbey seemed genuinely happy to see her. There was a still a feeling with the White House staff that, in spite of the fact that she was no longer the aloof, resentful, bitter woman who had left the White House five months earlier, they still needed to walk on eggshells when it came to dealing with Abbey. Of the staff, only CJ and Leo had been able to see behind the anger to the hurt and betrayal she had experienced. 

"Hi, Auntie Ceej," Nicholas gave her a wide chocolate grin. "You bwinged us pwesents?" 

"Oh, these?" CJ looked down at the gifts in her arms. "I heard a couple kids I know were having a birthday. Anybody you know?" 

"ME!" Nicky pointed to himself, then pointed to the end of the table where his sister sat with her own cake. "It's me n' Azlin's birfday. We was borned on the same day 'cause we was in Mommy's tummy togedder." 

"Ahh...And how old are you today, Master Bartlet?" 

"I's..." Nicky scrunched his face up and looked at his hand lifting his fingers up one at a time as his mother had taught him, then thrusting the three digits at CJ triumphantly. "I's...FREE." 

"Three?!" CJ exclaimed. "Are you sure you're THAT old?" 

Nicky looked at his mother for reassurance and when Abbey nodded at him with a smile, he turned back to CJ. "Yup. I's free." 

"Well," CJ grinned bending down to kiss the top of his head; one of the few parts of him not covered with chocolate frosting. "Happy Birthday." 

"Here, CJ, let me help you with those." Abbey started to reach for a present, but CJ set them down and turned to her. 

"In just a sec." 

Puzzled, Abbey watched her grab one of the baby wipes she'd been cleaning Nicholas with and approach her with it in hand. 

"You have chocolate frosting on your cheek," CJ explained with a smile, then wiped it away with the cloth. 

"Nicky was feeding me cake," Abbey chuckled. "He doesn't always have the greatest aim. I remember when he and Aislinn were babies and they would try to feed each other. Lord, what a mess they'd make. They'd get baby cereal in each other's hair and up their noses and in their ears." 

CJ turned back to the table to look at the twins. Three years old. They weren't babies anymore. They were children. Every day their vocabularies grew and their personalities grew stronger and more defined. "They grow so fast." 

"Tell me about it," Abbey's smile grew wistful as her gaze followed CJ's to the table. "It seems like just yesterday that Jed placed their tiny warm little bodies on my chest and that I spent my nights rocking and nursing them to sleeping. But, you know each stage of life has its merits. Three has always been one my favorite years. There is a part of them that is still in babyhood, but they're moving very quickly into becoming true little people. They can really learn and participate now and they view the world with such curiosity and wonder. You know, CJ, when you have kids it's like getting to relive your childhood through their eyes...I'm sorry, I don't mean to blather on." 

"No, it's okay. I like it. You really enjoy the whole motherhood experience. It's not just lip service or campaign spin doctoring. That was one of the things I liked about you right from the start. You were always genuine, Abbey, and you still are. You know, until I got to know you and the President and your family I really didn't have any desire to have children. Oh, I thought, you know, maybe SOMEDAY. But, then Aislinn and Nicholas were born and I've gotten to watch you with them and to see what joy the President takes in them, and I've gotten to watch them grow up and suddenly I feel my biological clock ticking away faster and faster. And now..." 

"It's not too late, CJ." 

"Abbey I'm in my forties. I work sixteen hours a day – sometimes more – and I'm not in any kind of significant relationship." 

"I'm not giving up on you, CJ. I was in my late forties when those two were born. Women do it every day now." Abbey was talking to CJ but she was watching Jed over by the double doors that led out to the garden making faces and motioning her to get moving. 

"Well, my husband's ready to give the kids their big gift, so I better get moving before he bursts a blood vessel or something." She walked back to the table with the blindfolds they'd used earlier for pin the tail on the donkey. "Nicky, Aislinn, Daddy and I have a surprise for you out in the garden." 

"A pwesent?" Aislinn asked. 

"Well, why don't you come see. Hold on though, we want this to be a surprise." Abbey moved to the twins and put the blindfolds over their eyes. She'd been leery about doing this earlier to Aislinn while playing games but her daughter had not been affected by the darkness the blindfold caused. 

With each child blindfolded, she led them to where Jed was fairly bouncing with excitement at the doors and then they both led them and the other children outside into the chilly January afternoon. Before Abbey could slide their blindfolds off, Buttercup gave a soft little whicker that was answered by Patch's sharp whinny. 

"Horsies, horsies!" Aislinn was dancing with glee and ripped at her blindfold, shrieking with delight when she saw her father holding the reins of two Chincoteague pinto ponies. She raced forward directly up to the pony that wore both a saddle and a big red bow around its neck. 

"My pony?" she asked Jed. 

"Yeah, sunshine." Seeing the shining adoration in Aislinn's eyes was a soothing balm on Jed's guilty psyche. "This is your pony. Her name is Buttercup." 

"I gots a pony too?" Nicholas wasn't quite as excited as he had been when he'd opened his _Thomas the Tank_ train set, but it was definitely an exciting moment for him as well. 

"Yeah, buddy. This pony is yours. His name is Patches." 

"Here, Nicky." Abbey handed her son a sandwich baggy filled with apple slices. "Why don't you give your pony a little treat." 

Nicholas took the bag and toddled over to meet Patches while Abbey moved to stand next to her mother. "Wait until they see the outfits you got them to wear when they ride," Abbey said to Beth. Presents had been opened earlier but Beth had held out on the formal jodhpurs, blazer, riding boots and helmet that she had gotten Aislinn and the cowboy shirt and cowboy boots she had bought Nicholas because she didn't want to alert them to their big gift. 

"I'm not sure who's more excited – Jed or the kids," Beth grinned as she watched Jed lift Aislinn right up on back of the horse in her pretty purple party dress. The little girl was rigid with excitement, a smile glowing on her face. The only time she'd ever been on a horse had been doubled up with her mother on Aquinnah, she'd never sat alone on a pony before. 

"Look at me, Mommy. I's WIDING!" 

"I see that, baby girl," Abbey lifted the digital camera and started snapping pictures. "You have fun, but be careful up there." 

"Daddy will catch me if I fall." The statement was made with such certainty it caused all the adults to give pause at the complete faith and trust the little girl had in her father. Abbey saw Jed's jaw tighten and clench, knew he was fighting back the emotions that his daughter's words brought to the surface. She moved forward and slipped her hand around his. 

"That's the nice thing about Daddy, Aislinn." Abbey pulled Jed's hand to her lips pressing a soft kiss to the back of it. "He doesn't let any of us fall. And you know what?" 

"What?" 

"If for some reason he's not around to keep us from falling, he'll always be right there to help us get back up on our feet again." Abbey's eyes met Jed's over the pony's head and she squeezed his hand more tightly. "Always." 


	8. Time to Heal, A

"Jed, go easy on the butter." 

"What's the point of popcorn without a little butter." Jed stood at the popcorn machine inside the White House movie theater squirting hot butter onto a tub of popcorn. 

"'Little' being the operative word here." Abbey grabbed the tub before Jed could give it another squirt. 

"Party pooper." 

"So, was the staff upset about losing their movie night and not getting to see _Miracle_ tonight?" Abbey turned from the popcorn machine and started down the carpeted aisle. 

"If they were, they didn't have the nerve to talk to me about it." 

Friday night was generally movie night for the President and his family along with the available senior staff and any friends they wanted to invite over. However, tonight it was only going to be the President and the First Lady. 

"You know, there's no reason they couldn't have joined us." Abbey settled into the small comfortable couch in the front row beside Jed. He immediately draped his arm over her shoulders and pulled her close. 

"Yeah, there is. Maybe tonight I want to cuddle with the Mrs." 

"I don't think the Mrs. has ever refused cuddling with you, even in a roomful of people." Abbey fed him a piece of popcorn and he grabbed her wrist gently, pulling her fingertips into his mouth to lick the butter off. 

"No, she hasn't," he admitted. "But you see I was kind of hoping I might have a chance of making it to first base tonight." 

"Really? You're very presumptuous, Mr. Bartlet." 

"And you're very beautiful, Mrs. Bartlet." Jed traced a finger gently over her lips just as the lights began to dim. 

"Mr. President?" A loud male voice came over the intercom. 

"Yes, Arthur," Jed sighed. "Go ahead and start movie." 

Abbey gave a soft laugh and snuggled in close to Jed's side, laying her head on his shoulder while she munched on her popcorn. "Do you remember the first movie we went to see together?" 

"You know I do. It was a showing of _Dr. Zhivago_. And I also remember how nervous that I was." 

"I know." 

"You knew? How? I thought I was playing it so cool." 

"You were. But your hand was sweaty when you took mine and your arm was shaking a little bit when you laid it over my shoulders." 

"I was afraid you might knock it off," he admitted. "As you well know, I was a bit rusty at the dating game by then. And...God...I just liked you so much. I didn't want to mess anything up." 

"Me either. I was so infatuated with you I could barely concentrate on the movie. All I could think about was... 'Is he going to hold my hand?' 'Is he going to kiss me'...And when you laid your arm over the back of my chair, I literally held my breath in anticipation of you actually touching me and laying it over my shoulders." 

"And later that night I did kiss you for the first time." 

"You rocked my world." She smiled up at him offering him more popcorn. 

"Not bad for an almost seminary student." He grinned with masculine pride. 

"Not bad at all. No one had ever kissed me the way that you did that night. No one had ever made me want so much more than you did that night." 

"I know," Jed ran his fingers up and down Abbey's arm. "I think the moment I kissed you was when I realized that even though it was only our second meeting and our first date, I was falling head over heels in love with you. That I was at a point of no return and nothing would ever be the same." 

"And it wasn't," she smiled up at him. "Nothing was ever the same once I met you. Everything was better." 

"Brighter," he agreed. "Happier. No one ever made me as happy as you made me." 

"Do you still feel that way, Jed?" 

"Every day, sweet knees. Every day." He bent his head slanting his lips over hers tasting the saltiness of the popcorn on her lips and the sweetness inside her mouth. Abbey responded quickly to the kiss her lips parting, her tongue meeting and tangling with Jed's. It had been far too long for both of them for the kiss not to be playing with fire. 

Jed turned in his seat wrapping his strong arms around her while he kissed her breath away. His kisses were tender and passionate, full of love and longing and Abbey responded in kind. She savored his mouth on hers, dug her fingers into his shoulders as goosebumps broke out over her flesh and she squirmed in her seat wanting and needing more. 

"Jed," breathing heavily, she tore her lips away from his. "We're going to miss the movie." 

"I'll let you in on a little secret. I know how it ends. We win." He pulled her back into his arms, this time one hand grasping her hip to turn her against him while his lips trailed along her jaw to nuzzle into her neck. Abbey felt the tingle all the way down her throat to the tips of her nipples and before Jed knew what happened she had shifted her leg up over his hips until she was straddling his lap. She cupped his face in her hands her eyes glancing over his handsome features, losing herself in a combination of affection and desire that was very, very dangerous. She kissed him then a long, hard tongue-tangling kiss that had them breathing heavily, their bodies squirming against each other through their clothes. 

"Touch me, Jed. For God's sake, touch me." She grabbed his big hands pressing them hard against her breasts. He squeezed her gently a groan emanating from deep in his throat as he felt her arch into him. It was Abbey's turn to groan when he cupped her curves sliding his thumbs over her hard nipples. Her throaty sounds of pleasure and the sharp intake of breath, however, were just the wake up call that Jed needed. He lurched away from her his eyes falling on her face, her bright desire glazed eyes, her wet kiss swollen lips and with a soft moan of frustration and disappointment, he leaned his head back against the couch. 

"I can't, Abbey." With a gentle parting squeeze, he reluctantly dropped his hands from her breasts. "If I start I'm never going to want to stop." 

"You know..." Abbey's fingers threaded through his thick hair while she pressed soft kisses to his forehead. "We used to make out all the time and it never seemed quite this..." 

"Combustible," he groaned again as the apex of Abbey's thighs rubbed against the bulge in his jeans. 

"Yeah, I mean it seemed like we could go forever just kissing and touching. You'd think it would be easier as we got older." 

"No way. Back that we didn't know what we were missing." 

"What?" 

"We were virgins. We had no idea of what kind of passion we were missing out on. Now we know. I know how it feels to roll your nipples around my tongue and the incredible warm, wet, sensation of burying myself inside your body. I know..." 

"Jed, stop," Abbey choked. Between her legs she could feel the pulsing of desire that his words had brought back on, felt herself grow damp and aching. She eased herself off his lap and back onto the seat beside him, her body still tingling with awareness. 

"It's funny how when someone tells you that you can't have something, how much more you seem to want it." 

"Tell me about it." 

**** 

Later that evening after watching the Americans defeat the Russians and then win the Olympic hockey gold medal, Jed showered after Abbey had taken a bath. He could still smell the flowery scents of her bubble bath and body gels and pictured her running her soapy hands over her breasts, her belly, between her legs. DAMN, he'd done it again, he was rock hard and aching. For one quick moment he wondered if going solo would constitute cheating, wondered if Abbey had been thinking the same thing while lying in her bathtub her body humming with repressed passion. Oh, man...with his libido running rampant that was NOT a vision he needed right now. In the end he decided against it, telling himself he had to prove that he had self-control over his body. No, he thought, a quick jolt of cold water should solve his problem. 

Abbey heard the stifled yelp from the bathroom as she climbed into bed and knew Jed was still reacting to their enforced celibacy. It was hard...no pun intended she thought with a smile. Certainly harder than what she'd expected. It wasn't like they hadn't gone this long without sex before, but this time was different. She wasn't sure why that was true. It could be because they had been apart four and a half months and had only briefly gotten to reconnect sexually before being cut off again. Or it could be because it really was true that the minute someone told you that you couldn't have something, you really only wanted even more. Or the most logical explanation was the fact that she and Jed used lovemaking to express love and comfort and forgiveness and now that means had been taken away from them. Most probably, it was a combination of everything. 

Before long she felt the mattress sink as Jed climbed in next to her. She was surprised when he spooned himself to her back tucking her head up under his chin. 

"You smell good," she murmured leaning back against him. 

"So do you." His voice was gruff and it wasn't long before she felt the evidence of his arousal against rear. 

"Jed?" 

"Sshh...Go to sleep. I'll survive." 

"But will I?" Abbey wondered softly. 

**** 

"So, tell me, have you been able to keep to our agreement of no sexual relations until Valentine's Day?" 

Jed and Abbey's eyes turned to one another and they squirmed with discomfort in front of their therapist. 

"Is there something you want to tell me?" Sonia asked, tongue firmly implanted in her cheek. 

"We haven't gone all the way," Abbey assured her. "We've done some kissing and petting but that's as far as it's gone. Oh good Lord," she rolled her eyes. "I sound like a sixteen year old." 

"Kissing and touching as expressions of your love and desire for one another is okay as long as it doesn't go too far. I don't want you to use sex as a crutch just quite yet. So, how has it been?" 

"Hard, Sonia, damn hard." Jed shook his head with a rueful smile at his bad pun. Abbey elbowed him in gently in the ribs and sent a look of warning that caused Sonia to laugh. 

"I know it's hard, Jed," she sympathized. "Women have many more outlets to show their partners they love them. They may make you a special meal, give you a backrub, or even suggest doing something that you enjoy. But, for men in general, sex is the easiest way to show their partner they love them." 

"Tell me about it." 

"Why do you think that is?" 

"You tell me. You went to school for this stuff, I didn't." 

"But, you're a man. I think you're capable of giving me an answer." 

"Well, I can't answer for my entire gender." 

"Why don't you answer for yourself then. Why do you think it's the easiest way to show Abbey that you love her." 

"I don't know. It just seems to be the way that I know best. I mean I love, Abbey. I know how to make love to her. I know how to make her feel loved and desirable. And, I know how she responds to that." 

"So, you are gratified because you get instant feedback. By expressing her pleasure in what you are doing to her body, you know that you have succeeded in showing Abbey how you feel and you know that you are appreciated." 

"Well...Yes." 

"And that's easier for you." 

"Well, yes. It's certainly not a hardship to make love to my wife." 

"And?" 

"I'm not as confident in other expressions. Sometimes I don't know what to say to make her feel better or to express how I'M feeling, and I guess I just feel that actions speak louder than words." 

"I'm not saying actions don't speak very loudly and I'm not saying that connecting this way is a bad thing. It does however become a hindrance when you are using sex to avoid talking about real problems. Marital longevity comes from a willingness to stick it out through the tough times as well as compatibility on many levels including sexual compatibility and attraction. We know that you share that. Do you feel that by denying the sexual side of your marriage that other lines of communication have opened up? Abbey?" 

"I think they have. I mean it's not like Jed and I don't talk. That's incredibly far from the truth. Sometimes I think I talk him to death. But when it comes to me being upset or sad or hurt or in pain about something, as he said, he just finds it easier to make me feel better physically. But without being able to do that, I can really see him delving into his own emotions and talking things out with me rather than just assuming he can make everything okay by making love to me. I feel like he is really listening to me. But you know I certainly won't be complaining when the time comes that we can be physically intimate again. I think things will be even better and stronger between us because we learned that we can be intimate without being physical; something we knew before we were married, but that got somewhat lost once we became lovers." 

"Good, I'm glad that as 'trying' as this exercise has been for you that you have learned something from it. Okay, moving right along. Did you both bring me your homework assignments?" 

Both Abbey and Jed nodded handing over their papers. Abbey's was neat and had been typed up on the computer. Jed's was a bit messy and done in longhand. Sonia surveyed them for a few moments then smiled up at him. 

"This is good. Very good. Before we start, I'd like to read you both these lists. Now, as you both know, I asked you to make a list of ten qualities that you admire most about each other. Since it looks like Abbey's is the easier of the two to read, I'm going to start with hers." 

Abbey wrinkled her nose at Jed. "Told you that you should have done it on the computer." 

"Brown nose," he grumbled good-naturedly. 

"Okay, I'm going to start." Sonia looked down on Abbey's list and began: 

  1. "His intelligence. I love the way that everything in the world interests Jed and that if he finds out there is something he doesn't know much about, he'll research it until he's an expert. He has a truly amazing mind. 
  2. His boyish curiosity and enthusiasm. Jed can make even the most mundane things sound exciting and interesting. It is so much fun to watch the joy that he takes in learning and explaining things. It's what makes him such an extraordinary teacher, father and President. 
  3. His optimism. Jed truly believes that each of us can make a difference. He always tries to see the good in people until they prove him wrong. 
  4. His compassion and empathy. Even though it's hard to watch at times, I love his huge capacity to feel for people and to want to help them. Being President is not all about ego for him. It's about helping real people with real solutions. He has a wonderful heart. 
  5. His honesty and integrity and morality. Oh, he may omit a few things, but Jed doesn't lie and I know I can always trust him to do the right thing, or at least be struggling to try to do the right thing. Being a politician has been a real struggle for him, causing him to weigh the pros and cons of actions that go against the grain, and I think that it's great that we have a President who struggles so hard to do the RIGHT thing, not just the easy thing. 
  6. His faith. I love that Jed's Catholicism helps to govern what kind of man that he is and what decisions that he makes. Jed is always trying to live up to his Heavenly Father's high expectations. 
  7. His silly, irreverent sense of humor. I love that Jed can poke fun at himself and make himself the butt of the joke and that he can make me laugh even when I'm hurting or angry. 
  8. His charm. Jed has really wonderful old-fashioned manners and he can be very sweet and very romantic and just boyishly charming as hell. He also has a way of focusing in on me that makes me feel like I'm the only person in the world. I love how that makes me feel as both a woman and a wife. 
  9. His libido. I know I tease him about it sometimes but I really do love that Jed still wants me with the same intensity that he did when we were first married. He makes me feel sexy and desirable and wanted, and after all these years of marriage that to me is incredible. 
  10. His amazing ability as a father. I love that Jed has given bottles and baths and changed diapers. I love that he can be silly with our children and tease them and play with them and that he can be tender with them, rocking the twins to sleep and reading to them and having heart to hearts with our older girls. And, and I love how fiercely protective he is over all of them. I can't think of another man better suited to be the father of my children. Watching him with them is truly a joy for me." 



Abbey was slightly blushing by the time that Sonia finished reading her list. 

"That was really good," Jed whispered. "You described me perfectly." 

Abbey was about to come back with a sarcastic quip when she noticed the emotions roiling in his eyes and saw that the egotistical statement was his way of dealing with all the kind loving words that she'd had for him. Her husband had always had trouble with compliments and used sarcasm to cover that up. 

"Yeah, I did, didn't I." She squeezed his hand. "Now let's see how good you did for me." 

"Okay," Sonia grinned. "We'll move on to Abbey. Hmm...interesting. You both started out with the same thing. 

  1. "Her intelligence – I love that Abbey can take me on and that, in some areas, her knowledge surpasses even mine. I love that we share an interest in books and history and the world in general and that we are equals in every way. 
  2. Her confidence and interest – I love that I can come home at the end of the day and talk to Abbey about my work and get her input and suggestions. Yeah, sometimes we argue, but that's a good thing. She's never just a yes-woman and she's always looking out for the best for me. 
  3. Her humor – I love Abbey's sarcastic sense of humor. I love that she knows how to make me laugh even when I am in the blackest of moods. 
  4. Her natural warm caring and nurturing side – Abbey is a natural nurturer. That's why she became a doctor and why she is such a good mother. Abbey enjoys taking care of people, whether it's me, the children, her patients or even our friends. I know I give her a hard time sometimes because I feel she "baby's" me, but knowing that she is looking out for my health and well being and that she cares enough to try so hard with me when I can be so resistant, shows me every day how much she loves me. 
  5. Her intuitiveness – Abbey seems to know me at times better than I know myself. Somehow, she can dig through all the crap to get to the heart of the matter. Even when I put up a front, she can see through it to the pain or anger or sadness or worry. 
  6. Her directness – I never have to worry where I stand with Abbey. She doesn't play games; she doesn't manipulate...well, in a negative way anyway. I do enjoy her use of manipulation in other areas but that comes later in the list." 



Sonia glanced up at him and saw Abbey rolling her eyes at him. She smiled and continued on. 

  1. "Her honesty – Abbey tells it like it is. I never have to wonder if she is telling the truth. She doesn't lie to me. 
  2. Her unpredictability and passion – Abbey is tempestuous and mercurial. She is an incredibly exciting woman and she always keeps me on my toes. She is also a very passionate person. She has a passion for me, for our children, for her work, for making the world a better place and for life in general. She doesn't back down from a fight and when she loves you, she loves you with her entire being. She is the most loyal person I know. 
  3. Her strong maternal instincts – Abbey is an amazing mother. She is loving and patient and caring and our children are truly blessed to have her for a mother. 
  4. Her femininity and sensuality – Abbey is the absolute essence of femininity and sensuality. I love that she is so comfortable with her body and that she enjoys wearing things you find in the _Victoria's Secret_ catalog and that she buys them not only for me, but because she enjoys the sensuality of wearing them for herself. I love that quite often she takes the initiative sexually in setting up romantic evenings and that she's also passionate enough to enjoy a quick barbecue in the afternoon. I'm a very lucky man to have a woman who still wants me the way that Abbey does, even though we've been together all these years." 



Jed had the same rosy hue to his skin that Abbey had had when Sonia finished reading her list. 

"You did good, babe." Abbey assured him. 

"Well, this was certainly very eye opening. It looks to me like you love a lot of the same qualities in each other. I've seen that you definitely share a core value and belief system and now I can see that there is compatibility emotionally, intellectually and physically." 

"We could have told you that without the homework project," Jed said. 

"Don't worry. We'll be using the lists again. But, right now I want to get back to where we left off last time. Abbey, you were in the hospital preparing to leave when you saw on the news that your husband had ordered Abdul Shareef's assassination. Up until that point you had been in the dark about that, correct?" 

"Yes." 

"How did it make you feel, finding out on TV like that?" 

"Well, at first I was shocked. I thought that it couldn't be true. But, then I remembered Azim Shareef taunting me about it, telling me my husband was no better than they were. That Jed had had his brother killed. I defended Jed. I told Azim there was no way that Jed would do that. He laughed at me. When I saw that news report, I knew why he was laughing." 

"You felt foolish." 

"Yes, foolish and I guess more than anything betrayed. I felt that Jed had betrayed my trust by not telling me what he had done, by letting me find out, yet again, on television." 

"Jed," Sonia turned to a very guilty looking Jed. "Why didn't you tell Abbey about the assassination?" 

"In the beginning?" 

"No, I think we've covered all that. I want to know why, knowing that all of this was going to come out, that Abbey was going to find out, that you weren't the one to tell her. That you let her get blindsided from a TV newscast." 

"I never meant for that to happen. I planned to tell Abbey. I wanted to tell her. But...when they found her in that trailer and brought her to the hospital, she was so hurt and scared, so weak and vulnerable. She needed me and I knew that if I told her what I'd done, she wouldn't want me. So, I put it off. I figured I'd tell her when we got back to the White House, but the story broke before I got the chance." 

"Did you explain to her why you did it? Why you hadn't told her?" 

"No. I didn't know what to say. She was so angry, and rightfully so." 

"Then why didn't you explain, help her to see things from your perspective?" 

"I honestly don't know. I froze. I guess I felt that no matter what explanation I gave her, it wouldn't be good enough for what she and the girls had been through and..." Jed's eyes met Abbey's. 

"And what?" Sonia asked. 

"Nothing. It's nothing," Jed mumbled. 

"And what, Jed?" Abbey asked. "Tell me what you were feeling." 

"I guess I felt that if you truly trusted me, you wouldn't need an explanation. That you would know that I had done the right thing, the way you said you did the morning after the assassination at Harmony Point. Did you lose your trust in me, Abbey?" 

Abbey looked at him with shock. "Of course not." There had never been a time when Abbey had not trusted Jed with her heart, her body, and her very life. "I guess I just wanted to hear the words. I felt duped. I know that only Leo and the Joint Chiefs knew about the assassination, but at that time, I thought I was the only one who didn't know. I thought that YOU hadn't trusted ME." 

"And, so you left?" Sonia asked. "Were you that angry?" 

"I was angry, but that wasn't the only reason that I left. I didn't make a snap decision to go home to New Hampshire. I suppose a part of me wanted to hurt Jed the way that I was hurting. I wanted to lash out at him but that wasn't the only reason that I left or even the main reason. You don't know what it was like. The press was in a frenzy; they weren't going to let us heal in peace. And...I couldn't stand the looks of pity. Everyone in the White House knew what happened to us...to me...and I just couldn't bear it. I hated the way they couldn't look me in the eyes and the way they didn't know what to say to me. I hated how I felt." 

"How did you feel, Abbey?" 

"Out of control. There were times that I felt I was so out of control of my emotions. I was scared all the time. I was afraid for my children, for their safety and for the emotional turmoil that they were experiencing." 

"What about yourself?" 

"What do you mean?" 

"You say you were afraid for your children and their emotional well-being. I'm sure that was the case but what exactly were YOU experiencing." 

Abbey thought back to those first days back at the White House. How she jumped every time a door was shut or voices were raised. "I had my first panic attack just a day after I got home. Leo came up on me and I hadn't heard him and I just totally freaked out. It scared me...a lot. I've never lost control of myself like that. I guess it was hard for me to accept that this had brought me so low. I'm strong. I'm in control. I take care of everyone else. I couldn't believe that I needed help too." 

"You weren't afraid...To walk away from your husband? Your marriage?" 

"I didn't feel like I was walking away from my marriage. Being at the White House was overwhelming to me. I was overwhelmed by stimuli and I needed to get strong in the quiet and I knew that's what my girls needed. I was trying to survive, to keep my head above water. I didn't want to think about all the bad things that had happened to me. I wanted to be able to accept it and move on. I knew Jed and I had enough structure in our marriage for it to survive me leaving for a little while." 

"How did you feel when Abbey left, Jed?" 

"Like I lost the sun. The Residence was cold and more like a museum than a home without Abbey and the kids. I hated going home at night to an empty dark apartment where there wasn't anyone there anymore who cared about me. It's Abbey who made our house a home and I've never dealt well with her being gone. It was hard for me on so many levels. She says she didn't..." 

"Talk to Abbey, Jed." Sonia instructed. 

Jed turned to Abbey. "You said you didn't walk away from me...from our marriage. But that was exactly how it felt to me. You took my kids and left me. You shut me out, Abbey." 

"I know I did. I don't like falling apart, Jed and I knew at some point that was going to happen and I knew YOU were the only person who could see through me. That you would know I was falling apart." 

"We both fell apart, Abbey. We just did it differently. I wanted to hibernate. To pull the covers up over my head and hide away because it was easier than facing what had been done to you and the girls in MY name." 

Abbey nodded. "You've always had a tendency to close yourself off to things that upset you or make you unhappy." 

"I know." Jed knew that in Abbey's eyes this was his biggest flaw. A trait that was so ingrained from his unhappy childhood that it had never truly disappeared. 

"Well," she sighed. "I wasn't any better. I went on this frenzy of activity. I was on the go from morning until night, cooking, riding, hiking, picking apples with the kids and rowing on the pond, you name it and I did it. I guess I felt like if I kept busy enough I wouldn't have to think about anything. I retreated within myself and pretended like nothing had happened." 

"You both retreated into yourselves in an unhealthy way. Jed, you ended up on the verge of clinical depression and Abbey, you ended up with terrifying panic attacks." 

"I guess we really messed up." Abbey gave Jed a sad apologetic smile. 

"I should have gone up to New Hampshire and forced you to deal with things, forced you to deal with me." 

"It takes more than brute force to be a man," Abbey said. "It takes love and patience and that's what you gave me. I pushed you away so many times and yet you always came back. You didn't walk away, Jed." 

"Why didn't you fight Abbey's leaving, Jed?" 

"I felt I deserved it. I felt it was a fitting punishment for what I'd done." 

"Who was punishing you, Jed? Abbey? God?" 

"I don't know...maybe both or maybe..." 

"Maybe what?" 

"Maybe my father." 

"Your father is deceased, isn't he?" Sonia knew very well that he was. She had all of Stanley's notes on his sessions and knew that he hadn't gotten far at all with the President's relationship with his father. That Jed had brought it up himself was very encouraging to her. 

"Yes. He died not long after I was elected Governor. But...He's still here. In my head...in my nightmares." 

"Tell me about your nightmares, Jed." 

Jed turned from both women staring at a spot on the wall. Old habits were hard to break. Only Abbey knew the true extent of his ambivalent feelings toward his father. 

"Jed...Tell me." 

It was the softness in Abbey's eyes that did him in. The unconditional love radiating from her. 

"After you left, I had nightmares. Nightmares about what happened to you and the girls. Nightmares where I was making love to you and you would just disappear into the mist. I would scream for you to come back to me, but you were gone. Gone forever." 

"Jed...I never meant to leave you forever. NEVER." 

"I wanted to believe that Abbey, but HE wouldn't let me." 

"Who? Who wouldn't let you?" 

"My father. Night after night he would come to me in my dreams, laughing at my predicament. He'd tell me that I wasn't so perfect anymore. That I almost got you all killed. He'd taunt me about you leaving...He was gloating." 

"What did he say?" Abbey's throat tightened at the evidence of her husband's pain. 

"He said he always knew you were too good for me and that one day you'd open your eyes and see me for who I really am and you'd leave me. He'd tell me that you were never coming back.... Never. That I'd lost my family because I was unworthy of you all." 

"Oh, Jed...That wasn't true...it wasn't." Abbey turned to him earnestness blazing in her eyes. "It wasn't real. HE wasn't real." 

"Why would you think your father would be gloating over your unhappiness?" Sonia asked. 

Jed gave a soft snort of derision. "It's a long story. Suffice it to say that anything that knocked me down a peg or two would be enjoyed by him." 

"Jed...Do you hate your father?" 

Jed stared at Sonia in disbelief. Abbey held her breath and tears welled in her eyes as she watched Jed struggle with the question, watched his eyes move from anger to pain and she reached out to take his hand. 

"Children are not supposed to hate their parents. He was my father. He fed me and clothed me and gave me a roof over my head." 

"Did he love you?" 

Jed looked away tears burning in his eyes. 

"Please stop..." It was Abbey who choked out the words to Sonia. She couldn't bear seeing Jed torn apart like this. 

"I don't know if he ever loved me," Jed answered. "But I loved him...I WANTED him to love me. I wanted him to be proud of me. I still do dammit and I HATE that it matters so much to me still...I mean he's GONE and it STILL matters. But...as much as I loved him, I never, ever LIKED him and...God forgive me..." Jed closed his eyes as if expecting damnation for his next words. "There were times when I HATED him." 

Abbey choked on a sob and threw her arms around Jed pulling him close to her, wrapping him in her love. "He was a bastard, Jed. A cruel, bitter, unhappy bastard. You didn't deserve the way that he treated you. You were good and kind and loving and you were STRONG... so much stronger than he was. You never let him destroy all that was good in you. You never let him destroy who you were in here." She tapped on his chest just over his heart. "You're the best man I've ever known, Jed, and the fact that he couldn't see that was HIS loss." 

"Quite a little defender, isn't she?" Jed smiled painfully over Abbey's head at Sonia. 

"I wouldn't mind having her on my side," Sonia quipped closing her notebook. "Well, I think that's enough for today. I will say that after listening to you talk about the time of your estrangement that when I look back at your lists of what you love most about each other, several of those qualities were violated, namely, trust, honesty and directness. It's no wonder that you both were hurt so very deeply. We'll talk more about that next session." 

Sonia stood and started tidy up her papers to put in her briefcase. 

"Sonia. Before you go, we have to ask you something. Abbey wants to go to the trailer where she was held captive and we want to know how you feel about that." 

Sonia mulled the idea for a quick moment. "It's not a bad idea. There is a technique known as flooding in which a person is brought to the experience that scares them the most. I think it might be good for Abbey to see the trailer, put it into context." 

"That's what I want," Abbey nodded. "I just think that if I go back there. If I see it for what it really is that I can have some closure once and for all." 

"Okay. When do we go?" 

"WE aren't going," Abbey said firmly. "I want to do this alone. With Jed." 

Silently, therapist and patient eyed each other each firm in their own resolve, neither giving an inch. 

**** 

> _Between the perfect world and the bottom line_  
>  Keeping love alive in these troubled times   
> It's a miracle in itself   
> And we know too well what that's about   
> Still we made it through, only God knows how   
> We must've had a little help   
> (must've been) 
> 
> Wild angels, wild angels   
> Watching over you and me   
> Wild angels, wild angels   
> Baby, what could it be 
> 
> Well it must've been hard, it must've been tough   
> Keeping up with crazy fools like us   
> 'cause it's so easy to fall apart   
> And we still break each other's heart sometimes   
> Spent some nights on the jagged side   
> Somehow we wake up in each other's arms   
> (must've been) 
> 
> Wild angels, wild angels   
> Watching over you and me   
> Wild angels, wild angels   
> Baby, what could it be? 
> 
> There are some nights   
> I watch you while you dream   
> I swear I hear the sound of beating wings 
> 
> Wild angels, wild angels   
> Watching over you and me   
> Wild angels, wild angels   
> Baby, what could it be?   
>    ( _Wild Angels_ by Martina McBride)


	9. Time to Heal, A

"I'm so sorry for the pain that I caused you while I was gone, Jed." Abbey climbed out of the pool and into the bathrobe that Jed held open for her. 

"Wasn't that the point?" Jed turned and headed back to the candlelit table for two. They had been enjoying a romantic after theater dessert of crème Brule and brandy and a midnight swim when talk had turned to the more serious matter of their last counseling session. 

"Partly, I suppose. In the beginning anyway." Abbey sat across from him sipping from her brandy snifter. "But, not like what I actually put you through. I had no idea what kind of torment you were going through. I guess I was pretty insular...I saw you on the news and you looked a bit tired and drawn, but okay. I had no idea that every day was such a struggle for you." 

"You couldn't have known. It's not like we were communicating well at that point or really communicating at all really." 

"You have to understand what it was like for me up there, Jed. In the beginning, everything was such a mess. We were emotional wrecks, shell shocked survivors. Aislinn was my shadow; she wouldn't let me out of her sight. She'd freak out if I so much as stubbed my toe and she reverted to using her pacifier again and needing a bottle. Zoey spent entire days shut in her bedroom. Nicholas was wandering around like a little lost soul, so sweet and so confused by all the emotions that were out of control around him. He hated seeing me cry and I did a lot of crying in the beginning. He was always trying to make me feel better. My world consisted of our life in New Hampshire, of the struggles to get through every day and trying to get through to Aislinn and Zoey. I guess I was so wrapped up in the kids that I couldn't know what I was putting you through. I never stopped stop to think what I was doing to you and for that I'm truly sorry." 

"Why didn't you tell me when I came up for the weekend? Why didn't you let me help you? They were my children too. We should have been helping them together." 

"I see that now. But, to be honest I didn't want you involved because I didn't want you to stay." Seeing the hurt that flared in Jed's eyes, Abbey reached across the table to take his hand. "That had more to do with me than it did you. It was easier for me to pretend that I was unaffected by everything and that I was in complete control when you weren't there. You see through me too easy, Jed. You came home and right away you were spouting off about me needing help. I hated that you could see what I didn't want you to see, so I tried to keep you even further than arms length. I closed off to you." 

"Well, I've done that a time or two myself, haven't I?" A sad rueful grin touched his lips. 

"I know. And, I always call you on it. Why didn't you call me on it?" 

"I tried, Abbey. But, anytime I so much as broached the subject, you turned to ice and shut me out. I was afraid that if I pushed you too hard you'd finally push back and cut me out of your life for good." 

"Never, Jed. I could never cut you out of my life for good. That was never my intent. I'd always only intended on staying away until the girls were better." 

"I believed that in the beginning. But, the more you shut me out and the longer you stayed away, the more I realized that you were further away from me both physically and emotionally than you'd ever been before in our lives; and I began to wonder if you could ever find it in your heart to forgive me. There were times I thought you hated me." 

"Oh, Jed. I've NEVER hated you. I could never hate you. I've forgiven you for allowing me to find out about Shareef on television rather than telling me yourself, but as far as the assassination itself goes, you don't need my forgiveness. Knowing what I now know about his plans, I really believe that you made the right decision and I understand why you kept it from me in the beginning. As far as what kind of forgiveness you need for that, well, I think that's between you and God because I don't believe that you need forgiveness from me at all." 

"I don't know, Abbey. I don't think there WAS a right decision, a good decision to be made. I think I made the best decision that I could have made under the circumstances and I vowed to live with the consequences of my actions and for a long time I did. I lived with the guilt and remorse and second-guessing. I confessed my sin and tried to move on as best I could. I thought I was doing okay...and then they took you and our girls and my world fell apart." 

"I know it did. It was horrible being taken like that, being kept in that trailer; but I can't even begin to imagine what it would have been like to have been on the other side like you were. To be told that you and the girls had been kidnapped and that no one knew where you were or even if you were alive or not. Sonia told me to put myself in your position and I have to say that I didn't like, Jed. It had to be as terrifying for you on the outside as it was for us on the inside." 

"It was," Jed nodded. "At first it was the not knowing. Not knowing if you were even still in this country or not or if you were even still alive. Then, when we got the kidnappers demands, it was imagining what kind of pain and terror that you were going through. I knew how scared you had to be and all I wanted was to be there holding you and protecting you and I couldn't do a damn thing but watch those news clips of you and the girls from our home movies and the candlelight vigils being held all over the country. It was as if they already had you dead and buried." 

"Did you?" 

"Did I what?" 

"Did you have us dead and buried?" 

"No. I mean, yes, I was terrified that they were going to kill you. I've dealt with these kind of people before and not many hostages make it out of those situations alive and if they do...well–" 

"They wish they were dead," Abbey's voice was a painful whisper of acknowledgement that she had feared the same thing. "That's what Khaleel kept telling me. That even if they let me live, I would wish that they had killed me. That YOU would wish that they had killed me." 

"No," Jed shook his head vehemently. "That's where they were wrong, Abbey. No matter what they had done to you I never would have wished that they had killed you. Getting you back alive was the only thing that mattered to me." 

"That's what Toby said." 

"Well, he was right." 

Abbey was silent for a few moments and Jed reached over to lift her chin. "Do you believe me?" 

Abbey thought back to all Jed's loving patience and understanding after Boston and Marcus Hughes. 

"Yes," she smiled tenderly taking his hand in hers. "I believe you." 

"Say it then. I need you to say it." 

"Say what?" 

"Say 'Jed, no matter what those terrorists did to me or would have done to me, I know that you would have seen me through it and that you would never have stopped loving me.'" 

"Jed..." Abbey's voice broke, her eyes filling with tears. "No matter what those terrorists did to me or would have done to me, I know that you would have seen me through it and that you would not have stopped loving me...ever." 

"You remember that, Abbey. When we go to that trailer, I want you to remember what you just said to me." 

Abbey's eyes widened. "So, you've come around? You're going to come to the trailer with me...without Sonia?" 

"Yes. Reluctantly I might add. But, I spoke with Stanley and he said he'll stick around the area just in case we need him." 

When Abbey and Jed had spoken to Ron about setting up a date to go to the trailer, they had been informed that the trailer was being demolished because now that Jean Paul's trial was over and it wasn't going to be needed for evidence, there was no need for all the manpower they were expending to keep curiosity seekers out of it – the sick people who were flocking by the thousands to try to see where the First Lady had been held captive. Sonia was out of the country and was against Abbey going to the trailer without her, but Abbey was adamant that she go back there, was indeed terrified that if the trailer were demolished before she saw it, she would never have the closure that she needed. She had threatened to go alone if Jed sided with Sonia and refused to go with her. She was more than a little relieved that he had not refused. 

"Thank you, Jed." Abbey took his hand her eyes shining with love. "Having you with me is going to be the most important thing. I need you. I'm really going to need you there." 

"I know," he said softly. "That's why I'm going. I'd never let you go through something like that alone." 

**** 

"That's the hospital they brought us to, isn't it?" Abbey looked down through the glass window of Marine One down at the brick building beneath them. She'd been fairly silent so far on the flight so Jed was surprised to hear her speak. Her small hand lay in his and he squeezed it gently. 

"Yes, it is." 

Abbey watched his eyes cloud over at the memory of his arrival to that hospital. Of the elation that had so quickly turned to despair. "What is it, Jed?" she asked. 

"I was just thinking of the morning they brought Zoey and Aislinn in. You can't know my relief, the complete utter joy that I felt when they told me that they'd found my girls and that you were safe in the hospital." 

"Then why did you just look so upset when I mentioned the hospital." 

"Because it wasn't true. They told me that my girls had been found. I assumed that meant all of you. It was only when I got here...well..." 

Finally, Abbey comprehended what he was saying to her. "You thought that I was with them? You thought we'd ALL been rescued?" 

Jed nodded. "I didn't know at first. I mean, when I arrived it was absolute chaos. The media was circling in like vultures, Secret Service and FBI agents were swarming the place and I was met right away by Aislinn's doctor. They were having a tough time with her. They were trying to calm her down so they could X-ray her arm but she was fighting them. I still remember walking in that room, seeing her looking so tiny and vulnerable in that little hospital gown, her skinny little legs kicking and fighting the nurses her big eyes filled with terror. So much went through my head as I stood there. I mean seeing Aislinn the way that she was made it so real, and yet, it was so hard to comprehend the magnitude of what had happened. I stood there looking at her and remembering back to the day you told me you were pregnant with her and how terrified I was to get attached...How afraid I was to fall in love with the idea of her and then lose her. But, you know, no matter how scared I was, I couldn't fight my feelings. I couldn't fight the thrill of excitement and joy that I felt in knowing she was growing in your belly and I couldn't stop myself from loving her. She was a part of me from the second I put her inside you. From the moment you told me of her existence, I was lost, she had my heart and she's had it ever since. I thought about the day you brought her and Nicky into the world and the joy that I felt seeing that they were born healthy and beautiful and of the thanks that I gave to God for such a blessing. I thought of how beautiful you looked sitting propped up in our bed with your hair falling loosely over your shoulder and your breast bared while you nursed her. I thought about the nights that I would walk her on my shoulder while she screamed with colic and the nights that I read her to sleep. All those sweet moments that I treasured and had refused to let myself think about while she was missing. And, I just couldn't help but wonder how it had come to this. How anyone could have hurt my sweet beautiful baby girl this way?" 

"Did they let you be with her?" Abbey's eyes were bright with unshed tears. They had never discussed what had happened in the hospital before Zoey's debriefing. 

"Yes. Well, to be honest there was no way they were going to stop me if they'd tried. But, they didn't. They needed me in there. She was fighting them tooth and nail. She only calmed down when she saw me. She let me hold her and I got her calmed down enough that they could take the X-rays. I can only imagine what was going through her poor little mind... that some other strangers wanted to hurt her again. I kept thinking about how I'd held her in my arms after I'd cut her umbilical cord and promised her I'd protect her. How I'd made the same promise to her just the night before. I felt like I'd let her down so terribly." 

"You didn't let her down, Jed. As parents, there is only so much we can do. We try to protect and defend but in the end sometimes that ability is taken right out of our hands. Had you been with us, I have no doubt that you would have traded your life for hers, that you would have done whatever it took to keep her safe." 

"Just the way that you did," he said softly. 

Abbey looked at him with surprise. "Yeah," she breathed softly. In defending how she knew Jed would have reacted in the same situation, she had finally allowed herself to be okay with what she had done to try to save her daughters' life. To know that Jed saw what she had done as an act of courage not an act to be condemned, and to know in her heart that she had done all that she could to ensure that her daughters made it out of that situation alive brought a sense of true peace to her. 

"You know, there's something else that I know about the day that you were kidnapped. Something you've never really talked about. Seeing the hospital reminded me because I remember Zoey crying and telling me what happened." 

"I don't know what you're talking about." 

"I know that when the terrorists invaded the barn that your agent got you to safety before he died. I know that they couldn't find you and that they were in a hurry to get out there and they were going to leave you behind. I know that you gave yourself up to them, that you could have been saved." 

"And at what expense, Jed!" Abbey cried. "What kind of mother would I have been to stand there and watch them take my children away while I hid in safety? I never could have lived with myself if I'd have done that." 

"I know that, sweetheart. I'm not chastising you. I'm just telling you how incredible that I think you are." 

"I wasn't incredible at all. It was sheer animal instinct. I didn't have to think twice. I was not going to let those bastards hurt my babies. I can't even bear to think what might have happened to them at Khaleel's hands if I hadn't been there. He'd most probably have raped Zoey and I don't want to think about what he'd have done to Aislinn..." Abbey shuddered with horror at the thought of the fate that might have befallen her children. 

"I'll be honest with you, Abbey. Without you being there, formulating that plan for the girls' escape, I don't think they would have made it back to us alive. You putting yourself out there to save our daughters was heroic and courageous." 

Abbey watched Jed digging into inner pockets of his jacket. "What on earth are you doing?" she asked. 

"There's something I want to give you. I'd planned to do it later but I thought maybe you might need it before we get to the trailer." 

"Jed, I have my Xanax in my purse." 

"It's not a Xanax." Finally, he pulled out an old worn velvet box and handed it to Abbey. Tentatively, she opened it, her eyes widening and filling with quick tears. There in the velvet bed lay the Purple Heart Jed's father had received during World War II when he was an eighteen-year old boy shot in the hip on D-Day. 

"Jed, it's a lovely gesture, but I can't." She closed the box and handed it back to him. He refused to take it. 

"No, Abbey, it's yours." 

"Jed, your father gave you this before he died. It's the ONE thing he ever personally gave to you. I know how much it means to you." 

"And it's why I want you to have it. You deserve it. If I could give you a real medal of your own I would, but this is the best that I can do since you aren't actually in the military and it is a military medal. I wanted to give you something symbolic, something to show for your bravery. I'll never forget the moment you looked straight into that camera and refused to ask us to release the Qumari prisoners because you know the United States does not negotiate. That moment very well could have cost you your life and it was one of the bravest things I've ever seen." 

Abbey stared down at the likeness of George Washington on the gold rimmed heart shaped medal sitting on the end of a purple satin ribbon. Jed reached out to take it and pressed it into the palm of her hand, "You may not be in the military but in my eyes you deserve this, Abbey. One of the criteria for being awarded a Purple Heart includes being wounded while being held captive, which happened to you even if you aren't a soldier." 

"I don't know what to say, Jed." She turned in her seat and ran a hand gently over his jaw. "Thank you. You know I'll treasure this." 

"I know." 

"Sir, ma'am," Ron turned to look back at the couple. "You wanted to know when we got to the spot where the truck driver spotted Zoey with Aislinn. It's right below us." 

"Thank you, Ron." 

Both Abbey and Jed looked down at the ribbon of rural highway that lay beneath them, at the wide stream that ran under the bridge. Jed took Abbey's hand back in his as the helicopter turned to follow the stream north into the woods knowing this was the path their daughters had followed that horrific night they had fled for their safety. 

Abbey pressed her forehead to the glass. "I can't even imagine how scared Zoey must have been that night, being hunted down, lost in the dark in woods she didn't know with the responsibility of her baby sister on her shoulders." 

Jed shuddered. He didn't like to think of that night either. "We raised a strong girl, Abbey. Zoey's got a good head on her shoulders. She didn't panic. She used the knowledge we'd given her on our camping trips and she made it." 

"I was so afraid I'd made the wrong decision." Abbey brushed at the tear that trailed down her cheek. "I really had no idea what I was sending those girls out into." 

"Whatever it was, Abbey, it couldn't have been worse than the fate they might have met had they stayed in that trailer." Bile rose in Jed's throat at the thought of how Khaleel might have used Aislinn on that feed to get him to release those prisoners." 

"Oh, God, there it is, Jed." 

Jed gazed down to see the rusted dilapidated trailer that sat abandoned in a small clearing in the middle of the woods. Police tape ringed the area and Jed could see where they'd set up guard stations. Abbey closed her eyes swallowing tightly. 

"You gonna be okay?" Jed asked. "We don't have to get out you know. You've seen it. We can leave it at that." 

"No. No, I have to go inside. I have to show you." As the helicopter landed about 100 feet from the trailer, Abbey unbuckled her seatbelt and prepared for what she knew would be one of the longest walks of her life. She and Jed stepped out of the helicopter holding hands, Abbey's eyes shaded by dark sunglasses. At the foot of the steps, Abbey stopped to look at the trailer. It looked so small, so much smaller and run down than she'd remembered. She took a step forward and her pulse began to quicken, her heartbeat pounding in her ears. Her legs started shaking and Jed felt her falter, felt her hand squeezing his more tightly. 

"It's okay, baby." He wrapped his arm around her waist pulling her in close to his side. "I'm right here. I'm right here with you." 

Just hearing Jed's voice calmed Abbey's racing heart and she was able to move ahead holding herself tightly to her husband's side. 

The first thing Abbey noticed was all the bullet holes in the tin walls. "I was in the closet when they started shooting," she said flatly. "For a minute I thought I had survived everything only to be taken out by my rescuers bullets." 

"That had to be terrifying." 

"It was, but only for a moment, because when the gunfire started, I passed out from lack of oxygen." 

Jed paused at the doorway to the trailer. "Your pace, Abbey. You tell me when you're ready." 

Abbey took a deep breath..."Okay." 

Jed opened the door and Abbey stepped silently inside. She swallowed tightly seeing the old chipped kitchen table. She spoke as if she were a million miles away, and in a way she was. She was transported back in time six months ago when she'd been held captive in this rattrap. "This is where they tried to get me to write the letter...Where Khaleel broke my finger." She unconciously flexed her pinkie finger then traced her fingertips along the edge of the table and kept walking as if in a daze into the living room. She stopped so abruptly that Jed bumped into her back. He felt her shaking against him. 

"What is it, honey?" 

"It's still here," she whispered, hot tears working their way out through her closed eyelids. 

"What's still here?" Jed's eyes moved over the room, saw the stool in front of the wall and the newspapers that littered the floor. He'd seen this before...in the situation room. "That's where they did the feed, isn't it?" 

Abbey nodded, unable to speak. She could hear their voices raised in a heated Arabic argument, could feel Khaleel's hand knotted in her long hair twisting it cruelly trying to get her to urge Jed to release the Qumari prisoners. 

"This was the first moment that I thought it was all over. I really thought he was going to kill me right here on this feed in front of you." 

Jed's gut clenched remembering that awful moment when the sword had come down on Abbey's head and Khaleel's maniacal laughter filled the room as he held long strands of Abbey's red hair in his hand and then the gunshot and the chaos that had ensued. 

"When that gun went off...I thought I'd lost you." 

"I don't remember any of that. He hit me on the head with the gun and that's the last thing I remember until I woke up in Toby's arms." Abbey had started to walk around the room touching objects. "It's amazing how ordinary everything is. I mean this is just a torn up old brown couch and a faded chair. Everything just seems so ordinary without them here." She paused and stared down at the faded rusty stains in the carpet. 

Seeing where her interest lay, Jed moved up beside her. "Honey, why don't we move along." 

"It's blood, isn't it?" 

"Yeah." 

"I wonder which one. Khaleel? Azim?" 

"It wasn't Khaleel. He was killed outside." 

"That's right, you told me that. Jed, is it wrong of me to feel satisfaction seeing this bloodstain and knowing that they were all killed? 

"Of course not, Abbey. It's only natural that you feel this way." 

The trailer was tiny. What had seemed like an eternity when Abbey was walking with Khaleel to an unknown fate was actually only a couple of steps to the bedroom. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door. Her heart immediately began to race again and she shrank back against the wall, her eyes closed against the memories of that bed. 

"I'm right here, honey." Jed's hand lay lightly on Abbey's shoulder. "You're not here alone with him. He's dead and I'm here." Jed swallowed convulsively fighting to keep his own emotions in check. The duct tape that had held Abbey so powerless was still attached to the bed spindles and the dirty, once white sheets held faded brown smears of blood. Abbey's blood. It was so easy to picture her there naked and vulnerable while that slimy piece of human waste, touched her, violated her. 

"This is where it happened, Jed." Tears flowed freely down her cheeks and Jed knew she was seeing herself in the same manner. 

"I know." 

"He had no right, Jed. He had no right to do those things to me. To look at me like that. To TOUCH me like that!" Abbey choked on a sob. "Do you have any idea how close he came? He was right there, Jed. I FELT him! He was just about to penetrate when that door opened and he had NO RIGHT!" 

"No, baby." Jed pulled Abbey into his arms holding her tightly to his chest. "He didn't. He didn't have any right." 

Abbey wiped her eyes against Jed's chest, then gazed up at him finally willing to admit what she had been refusing to admit for so long. "I WAS raped again, wasn't I, Jed? I mean, even if he didn't use his penis, it was more than a sexual assault. He molested me." 

"Yes," Jed knew that legally the insertion of Khaleel's finger inside her had constituted rape, but from a moral standpoint, it was everything that had been done to her that pointed to rape in his own mind. "I'm so sorry, baby." 

"For so long after it happened I would still feel his hands on me and it made my skin CRAWL. I would see him grinning with that crazy look of sexual excitement in his eyes as he pressed the burning tips of his cigarette into my flesh. I could FEEL him in my nightmares and I'd wake up and I couldn't breathe." 

"Was that when you'd have the panic attacks?" 

"Sometimes. Sometimes it was being in the closet." 

"Will you do me a favor?" Jed pulled out a little notepad from his shirt pocket. "Sonia asked me to have you read this when we got to this room." 

With a puzzled frown, Abbey took the notepad from him and started reading aloud. "I am strong. I did not deserve what happened to me. I am healing every day. I am in control of my life. I am not dirty. I am not tainted. They did not..." Abbey's voice broke and she closed her eyes. 

"Abbey?" Jed took her hands in his and she opened lovely green eyes shining with pain, her eyelashes wet with tears. 

"They did not ruin me, Jed. They did not ruin me. They will NOT control my life. Nobody has the right to do that but me." 

Jed nodded pushing the hair gently back off her face. "You're strong and you're brave. Those men...they touched you here...your shell," Jed ran his fingers over Abbey's skin. "But they didn't touch you here." He tapped her chest, "Not in your core or your spirit. They may have changed who you were for a little while, but ultimately you beat them because you didn't allow them to define the rest of your life. You've taken your life back, Abbey. I'm so proud of you. You've come so far." 

"Have I, Jed?" 

Jed's eyes widened. "My God, Abbey, you aren't in any way close to the woman who left the White House for the farm." 

"Tell me about her. The woman who left you alone." 

"She was cold and bitter and angry. Where once she was fearless and filled with laughter, she was scared and filled with tears. She was a shell of the woman I once knew as Abbey Bartlet." 

"She sounds awful." 

"Not awful," Jed smiled sadly. "Lost, confused, angry and frightened, but not awful. I always knew the woman I loved was still there under all the hurt and pain and fear." 

"And was she?" Abbey looked up at him with hopeful eyes. 

"What do you think?" This time Jed's smile was soft and filled with affection as he bent to kiss her forehead. Abbey leaned against him for a long moment taking comfort from his words and his presence. Then taking a deep breath she leaned back to look up at him. 

"We still have one more room," she reminded him. 

"You sure? You've done so much today." 

"I'm not leaving this half finished, Jed. I'm seeing it through. More than any other, this is the room I need to see." 

"Okay, then." Taking her hand in his Jed led his way the few steps from one room to the other. He pushed it open feeling his own throat tighten as he heard the rats scurry away. The room was filthy filled with debris and trash and devoid of any furniture. The windows were boarded up making the room pitch black when the door behind them was shut. Jed kept it open. Abbey stood staring for a long time at the corner where she and the girls and Toby had huddled together in terror. Swallowing tightly she moved slowly across the room to the place of her nightmares. Her heart pounding faster, her limbs shaking, she opened the door to the closet. Nausea overwhelmed her and suddenly the room was spinning. She started to collapse, felt Jed catch her just as she fell to her knees and vomited. 

"Abbey!" Jed rubbed her back while she gave a few dry heaves; then wiping her mouth with the edge of the jacket he'd taken off, he held her tightly back against his chest. "That's it. We're getting out of here." 

"No...I'm okay...I just need to...catch my breath. I can't breathe, Jed." Abbey felt the panic starting to claw at her insides, ripping at her causing her pulse to race and her vision to blur. 

"What can I do, Abbey?" Jed started to panic himself. 

"Just hold me. Just keep holding me..." Abbey concentrated on Jed's strong arms around her midriff pinning her tightly back against him. Jed wouldn't let anyone hurt her; he would take care of her, make sure she was safe. Her breathing became easier and her heart stopped pounding as if it were trying to beat its way out of her chest. She closed her eyes just letting herself feel his strength and love the way she'd imagined it so many times when she'd been stuck in that closet. 

"This is where he put me when he was angry, when I was being 'punished'. I was still all tied up and my limbs would cramp horribly after a while. It was so stiflingly hot and there wasn't any air. He kept duct tape over my mouth and I thought for sure that I was going to suffocate. I had to fight to control the claustrophobia and to control my breathing. There were times I thought that if I didn't die, I was going to go insane." 

"Oh, Abbey...Abbey..." Jed didn't know what to say to make it better for her. He was so angry with the men who had hurt her and so filled with pain for what she'd been through. It was as if it were all happening again only there was no one to vent his rage on. And, so he held his wife, comforting her the way that he wished that he'd been able to do when she'd been going through this ordeal. 

"You were the only thing that kept me sane, Jed." 

"Me? But, I wasn't here." 

"You were in my mind and in my heart. I sat in there and when I wanted to just give up, I could feel your arms around me, I could hear your voice, hear you telling me to stay strong and now you're really here... you're really here." 

"I am here, sweetheart, I'm here." Jed nuzzled his lips into Abbey's hair. "They thought you were dead. When that gun went off, Walken assumed you were dead, but I knew that you weren't. I knew deep in my heart that if you had died, I would have felt it, that my soul would have known its other half was missing, that my heart would have constricted with the loss of its love. But I still felt you, Abbey. I knew you were alive and I prayed for you to stay strong." 

"And I heard those prayers. The strength of our love was too strong for evil to destroy. I know you feel like you weren't there to protect me and help me, but you saved my life, Jed, as surely as if you'd been sitting right here in this closet with me. You helped me keep my sanity and my will to live." 

Jed cherished every word that Abbey spoke. He'd felt so impotent back at the White House while she was held captive. It wasn't until the end when he'd made the decision to go against Walken and allow for the planned rescue behind his back that he'd finally felt that he was making a difference, that he was FINALLY able to do something to help his wife rather than simply sitting around wringing his hands and staring vacantly into space. It was gratifying to know that even if he hadn't been here the strength of his love had found Abbey and comforted her as surely as he was comforting her now. 

"I want to go home now, Jed. I'm ready." Tears burned their way down Abbey's cheeks. "It's time for me to let it go, to let this place go once and for all." 

Jed stood and bent to give Abbey his hand to help her to her feet. But it was too much for her. The exhaustion from the emotional turmoil, the nausea, the rapid ups and downs of her blood pressure and the releasing of adrenaline had left her shaky and she had a hard time supporting herself. 

"You okay?" Jed asked. He could feel her shaking where she clutched onto his arm. 

"I'll be fine." Abbey took a step forward but her legs were weak and she stumbled into Jed's side. 

"You're not fine." Jed bent and ran an arm behind her knees sweeping her up into his arms. 

"Jed, don't!" Abbey gasped. "Your back!" 

"My back is fine." Jed ground out. It wasn't quite true. Abbey might be small and slender but it still wasn't easy to carry a grown woman down a flight of stairs. As they stepped out into the sunlight, agents saw the First Lady being carried in the President's arms, her own arms wrapped around his neck, her face buried in his chest and they rushed to his side. 

"She's fine," Jed brushed them off. 

"Let us help you, sir." 

"I've got her." There was no way Jed was releasing his precious cargo to anyone else, not even Ron Butterfield. 

Once seat belted in Marine One, Abbey turned her head to Jed. "I want to go home, Jed. I just want to go home." 

"Do you mean the farm?" he asked. Even after five years in the White House, Abbey still only referred to the farm as home. 

"No. The White House is fine. Home is in your arms, Jed. It's not a place." 

**** 

Abbey sat fully clothed on the lid of the toilet watching Jed drizzle her rose scented milk bath under the hot water that ran into the tub to form foamy white bubbles. 

"There." He turned to her with a boyish smile. "What do you think?" 

"It looks wonderful, Jed." Fatigue shadowed Abbey's eyes and Jed knew that she was emotionally at her limit. He helped her to her feet and unbuttoned her dove gray slacks, letting them fall to the floor along with the delicate rose lace panties. Then, he stood and began unbuttoning her silk blouse taking care to fold it nicely the way she always took care of her clothes when she undressed herself. Then he turned back to her and reached around her body expertly unhooking her bra and releasing her breasts. When she was naked, he turned from her and grabbed the big hair clip that lay in a basket on the sink. He turned her around and twisted her hair rather inexpertly up in a twist the way she always did when she took a bath and clipped it into place. 

Abbey's heart ached at his tenderness, at the gentle way he was pampering her. 

"You ready to get in?" he asked. 

Abbey nodded and she took his hand so he could help her step into the deliciously warm tub. He watched her sink into the water, hiding the body of a goddess beneath the bubbles. She leaned her head back against the porcelain and closed her eyes. 

"Are you going to be okay now?" 

"I'm fine, Jed." She didn't open her eyes when she spoke. 

"Okay, then. I'll wait outside. Just give a yell when you're finished." 

"Sure." Abbey was too wiped out to argue with him and tell him she was a grown woman not a child needing help out of the bathtub. 

Still reeling from his day at the trailer, Jed dug in the back of his closet for his secret stash of cigarettes. Grabbing one, along with his lighter, he made his way outside onto the balcony. It was a cold dreary February night, but Jed ignored the cold. He lit his cigarette inhaling deeply to calm his nerves. He'd tried so hard to be strong for Abbey today, but the truth was that he was quite shaken himself seeing that trailer, seeing where Abbey had been hurt, seeing the duct tape on the bed spindles, picturing her naked on that bed, suffocating in that closet. 

"DAMN THEM!!!!!!!" Cigarette clenched between his teeth Jed turned and slammed his fist into the wall He swore loudly with pain when the skin broke over his now bruised knuckles. 

"Sir?" Ron stepped out onto the balcony. 

"I'm fine." 

Seeing that the President was babying his right hand, Ron stepped forward to take a look and saw the mess of split skin over his knuckles. He turned questioning eyes Jed's way. 

"Hitting a solid wall with my fist was not one of my brighter ideas," Jed shook his head ruefully. 

Ron didn't judge. It wasn't his job to judge. But, he'd been the one to find Abigail Bartlet in that closet. He'd seen the room, the bed, and if Jed Bartlet needed to let off a little steam after seeing it, he couldn't blame him in the least. "You should put some peroxide on that." 

"I will." Jed took one last drag off his cigarette then tossed it down and stepped on it, kicking it over the edge of the balcony where Abbey wouldn't find it. He walked back into the bedroom and froze at the sound he heard coming from the bathroom. It was soft...it was muffled...He quietly approached the door. Crying. Abbey was crying. He opened the bathroom door and stood before her. 

"You're crying." He said it almost accusingly, as if she'd been trying to hide it from him. 

"It's okay, Jed. I need a good cry." 

"Not alone, you don't. Not tonight." Jed had never understood that about women, about what "good" there could be in crying. He knelt beside the tub reaching over to gently wipe a tear from her cheek. 

"You smell like smoke." Now her eyes were accusing. 

"I guess I probably do." He didn't deny it. Instead, he got to his feet and started unbuttoning his shirt. When he got to his pants, Abbey lifted a brow at him. 

"What are you doing?" she asked. 

"I think that's pretty obvious." 

Fully naked, Jed climbed into the tub behind Abbey settling her back against his chest. Abbey sighed comfortably rubbing her back against his crisp chest hair. She felt Jed pick up her sea sponge and saw him squirt her lavender soap onto it. He then lifted each of her arms cleansing and massaging her limbs. Abbey's eyes closed as the sponge moved over her arms and then her belly and her breasts in a way that wasn't sexual but oddly comforting and soothing. He bathed her gently, as if she might break and Abbey quickly relaxed at his touch. 

"That feels so nice, Jed," she sighed as he abandoned the sponge to massage the tense muscles of her neck and shoulders with his fingers. 

"You want me to wash your hair?" he asked. 

Abbey loved it when Jed washed her hair. "Would you?" 

"All you have to do is ask." Jed smiled and dropped a kiss to her bare shoulder. "But you're going to have sit up so I can reach the shower nozzle." 

They sat up together and Jed used the shower nozzle to wet her hair then massaged her honeysuckle scented shampoo into her hair. Abbey moaned at the sheer pleasure of having her scalp massaged by him. 

"I'm glad you have a gay hairdresser if you moan like that every time your hair is shampooed," Jed teased. 

Abbey gave a soft laugh. "Only you make me moan like that...Hey," she noticed for the first time the wounds on his knuckles. "What did you do to your hand?" 

"Nothing. It's fine." 

"It's not fine." Abbey examined the knuckles noting the purpling bruises that were forming. "It looks like you hit something." 

When Jed didn't respond, Abbey gave him a taste of his own medicine. "Jed, if I'm not allowed to hide it when I cry, you can't hide stuff like this from me. What did you hit?" 

"The wall, okay? I started thinking about everything and I just got so angry and none of those men were here for me to punch, so I hit the wall instead." 

"Feel better?" 

"Immensely. Other than my hand throbbing like a bitch." 

"You can squeeze it?" 

Jed made a fist for her. "See, I'm fine." 

"This time. Just don't go hitting anymore hard walls, okay." 

"Yes, ma'am." 

Jed grabbed the nozzle and proceeded to rinse and condition her hair. "You ready to get out?" 

Abbey turned to him then. Her hair was a mass of wet curls, her face clean and rosy droplets of water clinging to her lips and her nipples. She was beautiful and vulnerable – the most beautiful woman he'd ever known, both inside and out. "Yeah, I'm ready to get out." 

Jed stood first grabbing a warm towel to tie around his waist, then he turned back to help Abbey out of the tub. She stood before him and he grabbed another big warm towel and proceeded dry her off from the top of her head to the tip of her pretty toes. And, when she was completely dry, he helped her into a pair of her favorite silk lounging pajamas and tucked her into bed. 

"You aren't going to leave me, are you?" She sounded so vulnerable, so needy. It wasn't often that she responded this way. 

"I'm not going anywhere, babe. Just putting on a pair of sweats." 

Jed slipped on the sweatpants and a T-shirt and slid into bed next to her. Abbey immediately rolled over clinging to him like he was a life raft in a storm tossed sea. She held on to him so tightly, as if she could keep him from being called away from her in the night and he prayed that he wouldn't be – not when she needed him so badly. He felt her lift her knee and curve her leg over his hips so that she lay very nearly draped over him. But, he didn't mind. Her hair was still damp and smelled of flowers. It stuck to his chest and he wished that he could hold her this way safe and protected in his arms forever. 

> _You are the air I need to breathe_  
>  You are the river of life inside of me   
> You are the half that made me whole   
> You are the anchor of my soul 
> 
> You are strong when I am weak   
> You are the words when I can't speak   
> You never fail to see me through   
> That's the love I found in you 
> 
> You are my shelter from the storm   
> You are the road that leads me home   
> Baby, with you here face to face   
> I know I've found my place 
> 
> Once in every life   
> You find the one that's right   
> When you say forever it's true   
> That's the love I found in you   
>    ( _The Love I Found In You_ by Jim Brickman)


	10. Time to Heal, A

"Excuse me!" Abbey jumped, the list she was making slipping from her fingertips, her glasses falling down the bridge of her nose. "Do you always just barge into offices like this?" 

"Don't use that snippy little First Lady tone with me." Millie continued into the room and set her purse down. "Your secretary wasn't at her desk and...well...it's ME." 

"Sorry," Abbey gave her best friend a sheepish smile. "You just startled me." 

"So, what are you doing that had you so engrossed you never heard me knock." 

Before Abbey could react, Millie grabbed the book that Abbey had been perusing through. 

"Hmm..." Millie lifted an eyebrow at her. "Aphrodisiac foods and recipes. Sounds quite intriguing. Is Jed having a problem with his libido?" 

"Does Jed ever have a problem with his libido?" 

"Yeah, you're right," Millie chuckled. "I forgot who I was talking about for a minute there. So, why the aphrodisiac foods?" 

"It's Valentine's Day. I'm planning a special night for us." 

"That's RIGHT. Tonight is D-Day, isn't it? Or should I say F-Day?" 

"Millie!" 

"I meant for FINALLY, not fucking. Get your mind out of the gutter, Abigail Bartlet." 

"Well, I guess it has been there for most of the morning," Abbey laughed. "After breakfast I'm meeting with the White House chef about tonight's menu, then I'm going to make Valentine's Day cards with the twins and then I have an afternoon planned with Henri to get my hair done." 

Millie was silent for a moment. She and Abbey had made a tradition of sharing a spa day to prepare themselves for the holiday, but this year, knowing that Millie didn't have anyone to "primp" for Abbey hadn't planned on it and instead had her hairstylist coming to her at the White House. 

"Are you okay?" Abbey asked. She knew this had to be a particularly difficult holiday for Millie this year which was the main reason she had invited her over to have breakfast with her. 

"I'm surviving." Not wanting to discuss her own depressingly sad plight Millie sat down with the cookbook. "Hey, did you know that almonds are a symbol of fertility?" 

"Well, for heaven's sake, don't write that down. Fertility is NOT a problem, nor something I'd want to encourage." 

Millie gazed up at the pictures of the twins that graced Abbey's desk. "Yeah, I imagine two little surprises were more than enough. But, you could do something with avocados. It says here that the avocado is supposed to resemble and symbolize testicles. Oh and just think of all the fun that you can have with the phallic symbol foods." 

"I know. They're already on my list. But, you're having WAY too much fun with this." 

"I'm living vicariously through you." Millie leaned forward inhaling the fragrance of the two dozen red roses that sat in a crystal vase on Abbey's desk. "These are gorgeous, Abbey. Jed send them?" 

Abbey smiled. "They were sitting on my desk this morning when I got here." Along with a simple card asking "Will you be my Valentine? Love, Jed" which Abbey kept to herself. 

"So, what else do you have planned?" 

"Well, if you must know I'm going to send Jed a video." 

"A video. Like, a porno to get him in the mood." 

"No, not a like a porno. Jed doesn't exactly need pornography to get him in the mood. I'm thinking about setting up our camcorder on the tripod and maybe doing a little striptease for him and sending it to the Oval." 

"Oh, Abbey, you ARE evil," Millie grinned. "If I know Jed, he'll be jumping over the couch to get home to you." 

"That's my intention. I don't want him even THINKING about working late." 

"Is THIS what you're going to wear?!" Millie gasped as she pulled the half-seen box from _Victoria's Secret_ out from under Abbey's desk. In the box lay a red and black bustier, matching thong, garters and black fishnet stockings. 

"Jed does enjoy his special garments," Abbey gave her a saucy grin. 

"Yeah, it's no wonder. Now... you have to wear this get-up with fuck-me pumps." 

"Will a pair of four inch Jimmy Choo red stilettos work?" 

"Oh absolutely, darling. Perfect." 

"Well, we better get moving, I have a lot to do today. Breakfast in the Residence okay with you?" 

"Absolutely, I want to see those two cutie pies of yours." 

"They'll definitely be up and running. Before Henri shows up I promised them we'd make special Valentine's Day cards for Daddy and some of his staff." 

"Sounds like fun. Mind if I help you all out? I haven't made homemade Valentine's Day cards in ages and I took the whole morning off." 

"I'm sure they'd love for their Aunt Millie to stay and help out." 

**** 

"So, today's the big day." Leo grinned as he entered the Oval Office, as always the first to arrive for a staff meeting. He knew how long Jed had been looking forward to this day. 

"Yeah...Uh, Leo, let's not really get into that." 

Leo frowned. It wasn't like Jed to be self-conscious about things like this. "Is something wrong?" 

"No. It's just...it's only been a little over a week since we got back from the trailer. I know Sonia gave us today as the day to end our celibacy, but I'm not sure Abbey is going to be ready to do that or not." 

"Did she say anything?" 

"No, she didn't say anything at all except to wish me a Happy Valentine's Day when I left for work. It may just be too soon and I'm not going to rush her into anything she isn't ready for." 

"Of course not. There will be other Valentine's Days and when the time is right, I'm sure Abbey will let you know." 

Jed nodded as he watched the rest of the staff enter. He was trying SO hard not to be disappointed. He'd had this day circled on his calendar since Sonia had started this part of their therapy, but there was no way he was going to push Abbey, or suggest something she wasn't ready for. Seeing that trailer, reliving what had happened to her had opened some old wounds and he was afraid they might not be sufficiently healed enough to move into this next phase of their recovery. He understood that completely, but selfishly, a part of him WAS disappointed, not that he would ever let on that that was the case. 

"Did you make any big plans for tonight?" CJ asked. "Anything I need to alert to the press to?" 

"Valentine's Day is going to be private this year. We're not going out." Jed told her. "Abbey said she'd take care of it." 

"Did you get her anything special?" 

"Well, if you must know, yes, I did get her something I hope she finds very special." He felt for the velvet box in the inner pocket of his suitcoat to assure himself it was still there. "And, no, I'm not going to tell you what it is. It's a surprise." 

**** 

"Mommy, lookit!" Nicholas thrust a heart shaped decorated piece of construction paper in Abbey's face. "Lookit my card I made my daddy." 

"You did a wonderful job, Nicky." Abbey admired the card, then out of the corner of her eye she caught Panda spinning in circles and rubbing up against the table hard enough to knock over the glitter glue and paint brushes that sat in cups of water. 

"Panda!" Abbey exclaimed. "What on earth is WRONG with you?" Both she and Millie jumped to their feet with paper towels to clean the spilled water. 

"Panda's pwetty now, Mumma," Aislinn said from where she was sitting under the arts and crafts table that was set up in the nursery. 

"Ohhh...Aislinn," Abbey closed her eyes briefly telling herself to be patient. "What did you do to the dog?" 

"I make her pwetty." 

Abbey approached the little Sheltie who was twisting and trying to bite at her rear. "Stand up, sweetheart." She lifted the dog to her feet and saw what had been driving her crazy. Aislinn had seen fit to pretty her up by placing the stickers she'd been given to decorate her cards all over the dog's rear and tail. Abbey immediately started removing the stickers. 

"Honey, you can't do this to Panda. She doesn't like it. It scares her." 

"Max not scared." Aislinn informed her. 

Laughter bubbled in Abbey's throat as she turned to see the big German shepherd sitting as dignified as possible with a sticker of cupid stuck right between his eyes. Abbey could hear Millie's stifled laughter and could not look at her friend for fear that she would lose it for sure. If she laughed it would be all over. There was nothing Aislinn or Nicholas liked to do more than get attention for making people laugh. If she didn't control herself, Panda and Max would continually be plastered with stickers. 

"Well, Max may not be scared but you still shouldn't put stickers on him. You got those stickers to put on your cards and that's what you need to use them for. We don't put stickers on the animals." 

"Okay, Mumma, I go take them off Oliber." Aislinn scampered off to find her gray kitty. Abbey shook her head. She could only imagine where the poor cat was hiding away from the indignity of being covered in stickers. 

"I's all done, Mumma." Nicky set down the tube of red glitter glue after dropping a big blob on his next card. 

"It's very festive, Nicholas," Millie told him and passed it on to Abbey. The boy definitely enjoyed working with the glitter glue. 

Nicholas nodded and reached into the plastic heart shaped container that was filled with little toys, candy and stickers that his parents had given him for Valentine's Day. He grabbed a yellow candy heart and passed it on to Millie. 

"You wead, Aunt Millie." 

"Sure." Millie glanced down at the writing engraved in the candy. "It says, 'Be my Valentine.'" 

"I Mommy's Balentine. She said." 

"That's right I did, child of my heart." Abbey nuzzled into his neck. "You'll always be my valentine." 

"What about me, Mommy?" Aislinn came back in the room and tugged at her pant leg. "Is I your Balentine?" 

"You are my BEAUTIFUL valentine. You see, mommies can have LOTS of valentines." 

"Daddy say YOU his balentine," Nicky giggled. 

"You think that's funny?" Abbey grinned. "Grown ups can be valentines too. Your daddy's my sweetheart. Just like both of you are." 

"We go bwing Daddy his cards and da cookies now?" Aislinn asked. 

"I think that's a splendid idea. Let's bring everyone their valentines." 

And so, little Nicholas and Aislinn Bartlet wearing jeans, red converse sneakers and red T-shirts that said "I stole my Mommy's heart" walked through the West Wing handing out sugar cookies with red and white icing and red sprinkles to everyone before moving on with their cards. 

**** 

Leo sat in his office engrossed in the new education bill Jed had proposed at his State of the Union and was less than pleased when Margaret interrupted him. 

"You have a couple visitors," she told him. 

"I'm busy, Margaret," he said with irritation. "I'm not supposed to have any meetings this morning." 

"I think you might want to see these people." 

"Margaret..." The tone held warning, but before Margaret could continue, Aislinn and Nicholas plowed past her and marched right over to Leo's desk. 

"Hi, Uncle Leo. We broughted you somethin'." Nicholas proudly held out his heart shaped card. Stunned, Leo held out his hand and accepted both his card and Aislinn's who was not far behind. Looking at the cards they had obviously made themselves – covered with stickers and glitter and scribbles of their names – his heart melted and he felt the suspicious burn of tears. He hadn't received a homemade Valentine's Day card in a very, very, long time. 

"These are terrific. Did you make them all by yourselves?" 

"Uh huh..." Aislinn nodded. "But Mumma helpted us." Aislinn turned back to look at Abbey who was now standing smiling in the doorway. "She help us wite 'Uncle Leo' on da card 'cause we don't know how to spells yet." 

"Well, you did a marvelous job. I'm going to have Margaret get me a couple of frames so I can put these up on my wall." 

Nicholas and Aislinn nodded with satisfaction. "Daddy putted his on da wall too," Nicholas told him. 

"We gots cookies too. You want a cookie, Uncle Leo?" Aislinn asked. "Ms. Fidrer has dem at her desk. I putted da wed spwinkles on dem n' Nicky did da fwosting wit Mumma." 

Leo looked down at the hand Aislinn extended out to him. The little girl was a charmer all right. He could definitely see both Abbey and Jed in her outgoing sweet charm and also her determination. He could see that it wouldn't be easy to refuse Miss Aislinn Faith Bartlet much of anything. 

"I'd love to have a cookie, Aislinn." Leo grinned and took the little girl's hand letting her lead him to Debbie Fiderer's office and something in his heart began to melt. He hadn't given the holiday much thought. He didn't have anyone to spend it with, no one to buy trinkets or perfume for, and he had mailed his card out to Mallory days ago. But knowing that little Aislinn and Nicholas thought enough about him to want to include him in their holiday gift making and baking had suddenly turned a day like any other into a true holiday. 

Abbey stopped him on his way by her in the doorway and it was evident that she had seen right through his grouchy façade. "It's important to have a little love on Valentine's Day, don't you think?" she asked. 

"I didn't earlier today..." He gazed down at the two blond children tugging at his hands..."But now I can see what I was missing. Thank you for including me." 

"You're welcome. Happy Valentine's Day, Leo." 

"Happy Valentine's Day to you, Abbey." 

**** 

"You, ma petite, are going to KNOCK his socks off tonight. He's going to love your new look." 

"You think so?" Abbey touched a lock of her hair. When Henri had arrived, she had informed him that she wanted to do something different, that a new look was going to signify her new lease on life. It hadn't surprised Henri. He'd heard the request a thousand times before. When women wanted a change, they frequently started with their physical appearence." 

"Absolutely. Henri does not lie. You look fabulous, absolutely stunning; in fact, you look so yummy you almost make me want to go straight." 

"You want to try to sell me another one?" Abbey laughed. 

"You're right. Actually, I was wondering more what your husband is going to be wearing tonight. I've always wanted to know, does he prefer boxers or briefs." 

"I'm not going to tell you what kind of underwear my husband wears so you can FANTASIZE over him." Abbey rolled her eyes. 

"Well, what kind of fun are you?" Henri pouted. "A little fantasizing never hurt anyone. Still, you know how much I'd love to get my hands in that thick head of hair that he has. Have you talked to him about letting me cut it?" 

"You don't want to cut his hair. You want to run your fingers through it and don't think he doesn't know that. Subtlety has never been your strong point. You freak him out." 

"I never took your husband as a homophobe." 

"My husband is most certainly NOT a homophobe, but that doesn't mean he's comfortable with a man who has a crush on him, or at least a man who PHYSICALLY lets him know he has a crush on him," Abbey elbowed Henri gently in the ribs. 

"But, it's a safe crush. I know he's straight." 

"Henri, darling, let it go. You're going to have to be happy with admiring him from afar." 

"Some girls have all the luck," Henri sulked. But, Abbey wasn't paying attention anymore; she was staring at herself in the mirror wondering if Jed would like her new look. Butterflies danced in her stomach when she thought of the video that she was going to send him. She and Jed had always had an interesting and varied sex life. She'd posed nude for him before, so he could keep her picture with him when he was away for days on end when he was in Congress. However, she had never put herself quite so "out there". But, she was ready...ready to move on with every part of her marriage and she couldn't think of a better way to show that to Jed. 

**** 

"Sir, this came for you. It's from Mrs. Bartlet." 

Jed looked up as Charlie entered his office holding out a small box. It was wrapped in white paper covered with little red hearts and cupids with bows and arrows. He had just been sitting there mulling over the fact that it was getting very late and Abbey hadn't contacted him to tell him to tell him of any special plans she had made for the evening. 

"She said to make sure that you open this privately." 

"Privately, eh?" Jed shook the box. "Do you know what's in it?" 

"Not a clue." 

"Well, she isn't mad at me, so I'm assuming it's nothing that's going to explode in my hands," he grinned. "Thanks, Charlie." 

"You're welcome." 

As soon as Charlie left the room, Jed tore into the wrapping paper like a kid on Christmas morning. A puzzled frown crossed his face at the blank unmarked video with the post-it note that read, "Watch me, PRIVATELY." He made his way to his private study shutting the door behind him. He slid the tape into the VCR then stood back to see what kind of image might come up. Curiosity filled him as he saw that it was Abbey. She stood before him wearing a simple short red and black skirt and creamy silk blouse with red stilettos. Nothing unusual there. But it wasn't what she was wearing that caught his eye. It was her hair. It was all grown out now reaching halfway down her back but today it was all done in a mass of wavy sexy strawberry blond curls, several shades lighter than her normal deep auburn. He was so caught up in her new look he barely noted that music had started up in the background until Abbey started moving her head and her shoulders sensuously to the beat. It was _Natural Woman_...sexy, soulful...His eyes widened and his mouth went dry as he watched her splay her hands over her belly and undulate her hips in the same sensuous manner, her head thrown back and eyes closed. Her fingers started pulling her blouse out from her skirt inch by teasing inch. Her hips continued to sway, her eyes flirting with him through the camera lens and she began to slowly unbutton her blouse, giving him only teasing tantalizing glimpses of creamy flesh. He felt his lower body start to respond to the vision on the screen, his pants starting to tighten in his crotch. He actually groaned aloud when she leaned back allowing the blouse to fall from her fingertips standing before him now in the skirt and red satin bustier lined with black lace that pushed her breasts tantalizingly up to nearly spill over. Looking straight into the camera, she ran her tongue over her full lower lip and cupped her breasts in her hands as if offering them to him. All his blood seemed to rush from his head to his now throbbing penis and Jed fell into his chair, leaning back to try to gain some relief from the constriction below. His fingers dug into the leather chair as Abbey turned and lifted her leg up onto the coffee table running her fingers up its long sexy length pulling her skirt up with them and allowing him to see the tabs of her garters where the black fishnets ended and pale skin of her thighs started. 

"Abbey..." Her name was hissed out between his lips as she placed her foot back on the ground and turned away from the camera swinging her saucy little rear as her fingers worked the back zipper of her skirt. Jed swallowed tightly, his breath catching in his throat as she shimmied her hips sliding the skirt down her thighs to reveal the skimpy thong she wore with her garters. God, how he itched to reach out and squeeze that world class ass of her. She kicked the skirt away and turned back to the camera, an Aphrodite sex kitten in her bustier, scrap of a thong, garters, fishnet stockings, and the stilettos that made her incredibly shapely legs look about a mile long. 

> _Oh baby what you've done to me_  
>  You make me feel so good inside   
> Good inside   
> And I, I just wanna be   
> Wanna be   
> close to you   
> Because you make me feel so alive 
> 
> You make me feel   
> You make me feel   
> You make me feel like a natural woman   
>    ( _You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman_ by Carole King and Gerry Goffin)

The song finished and Abbey spoke. 

"Come home and make me feel like a natural woman, Jed." Her voice was husky and sexy leaving him no doubt that she was as turned on by making the video as he had been watching. 

"You don't have to ask me twice, baby." Jed hopped to his feet groaning with the discomfort of his hard as a rock erection straining against his pants. He grabbed his briefcase to carry as a shield and to the surprise of his Secret Service detail nearly ran from the Oval Office to the Residence. 


	11. Time to Heal, A

Abbey surveyed the room with satisfaction. Everything was prepared for a sensual night of lovemaking and reconnecting. The lights were dimmed and an elegant table made up for a romantic dinner sat in front of the blazing fire. Jasmine and vanilla incense burned and sexy Indian sitar music played softly in the background. She wore an authentic scarlet red silk kimono that Jed had brought her back from Japan to cover the sexy attire she had worn in the video. Surveying her handiwork she wondered how long it would take Jed to watch the video and get back here. If she knew her husband, it wasn't going to be long at all. In fact, she was just pouring champagne into long crystal flutes when the door to room was flung open, nearly bursting off its hinges. Abbey jumped and turned to see her winded husband, his hair mussed from his quick trek over. 

"That was quite a video." 

"Yeah, well, you're quite a man." 

Jed flung the briefcase aside and Abbey saw the bulge in his pants. It gave her a small tingle of female satisfaction to know that she had turned him on enough with the video that he had kept his hard on all the way from the Oval to the Residence. 

"I repeat," she smiled seductively, her eyes centered on his crotch. "You are...quite a man." 

Jed stepped forward quickly wrapping one arm around Abbey's waist and pulling her into him. He kissed her then, deeply, thoroughly; hard enough and passionate enough to show her that if she didn't do something quick her whole seductive night would be over before it started. 

"Jed...wait..." she breathed. 

"You send me a video like that and then you expect me to wait?" 

"No...I...Well, I guess I don't want you to be uncomfortable all through supper." 

"No, that wouldn't be nice at all." He pulled her in for another kiss, but she pushed back against his chest. 

"That comes later." 

"But you just said..." Jed's voice was very close to a whine. 

"I know what I said. Come here." Abbey took his hand and led him over to the couch near the fireplace. Looking him straight in the eye, she began working his belt buckle, gently sliding the zipper down safely over his erection. 

"You're playing with fire, little vixen," he warned. 

"A burning inferno," she agreed slipping her hand inside the slit in his boxers through the soft curls at his groin to curl over his hot satiny hard penis. Jed groaned, his legs growing weak. Abbey unbuttoned his shirt just enough give her access to his naval and then she shoved his boxers down his hips and started to go down on her knees kissing along his belly and the enticing line of crisp hair that ran from his naval to flare at his groin. 

"Wait." Jed pulled the tie at her waist and pushed the kimono off her shoulders, his penis tightening even more when he saw she still wore the sexy get-up she'd been wearing in the video underneath it. "I don't want to make a mess on your kimono... it's authentic." 

Abbey gave him a knowing grin. "I'm so sure THAT'S the reason." 

"Well, that and seeing you in this special garment on that video nearly made me come before I even got home." 

"I'm glad you didn't," she purred. "'cause I've been thinking about doing this all day." 

Jed gave a soft intake of breath as Abbey pressed her lips to the head of his penis giving him a quick kiss before moving to his inner thighs, nipping him lightly with her teeth, then soothing him with her lips and tongue. She tried to ignore the bobbing appendage that was begging for her attention but she was very nearly as excited as Jed and knew he wasn't going to hold out for long. She pulled him back from his lower belly – he was so painfully hard – and while she cupped the soft skin that covered his testicles, she slipped him into her mouth. Jed gave a deep groan, his eyes closing, his fingers moving to tangle in her hair. Her tongue swirled over him; her lips suckled at him and her fingertips ran lightly over the hard swells of his buttocks creating nearly unbearable sensations of pleasure. It made him thankful once again that he had a woman who was both wife and sexy mistress all rolled into one. A woman with the mind of a genius and the body of a playmate. 

Abbey reveled in the musky scent of him, in the soft skin that covered such a hard pulsing shaft. Her own body began to hum with desire. She wanted that thick hard length inside her, but not yet, not quite yet. 

Jed's eyes opened to every man's erotic fantasy. Firelight played over his wife's half-naked body creating fiery red highlights in the golden-red hair that spilled over her back and her shoulders and tickled his thighs. She ran her pink little tongue over him, tracing his pulsing ridges from base to tip then running circles over the deep ridge at his head before suckling him back into her mouth. Her head moved forward and back so he could watch his shaft disappear into her mouth. Groaning deeply, his orgasm starting to tighten deep in his belly causing his hips to thrust forward involuntarily, he pulled back. 

"It's okay, Jed," she assured him leaning forward to lick the drop of moisture that beaded at the tip of his penis. 

"Gotta sit," he gasped as he fell back onto the couch. "Don't stop." 

Abbey smiled. "I won't." She leaned over him, this time her long hair falling over his belly and thighs shielding her face from him. He didn't care; he couldn't keep his eyes open anyway, not anymore. He felt her fingers circle around the base of him squeezing and sliding over him while her mouth picked up speed over the tip. He closed his eyes and threw his head back breathing heavily and moaning her name. 

Abbey felt his orgasm at the same time that he did, felt his balls tighten under her fingertips, his thighs grow taut and the little electric surges that ran through his penis just before he came with a deep harsh groan of her name. 

They were silent for a few moments after it was over, Jed trying to catch his breath, Abbey pressing soft kisses to his lower belly feeling the shivering aftershocks of his climax ripple through him until he finally drew her up over him. 

"Happy Valentine's Day," she smiled. 

"That wasn't fair," he complained. "I wanted to make love to you." He touched his lips to hers, tasted himself on her. 

"You're still going to do that," she assured him. "That right there was just to take the edge off. I wanted you to enjoy my special dinner and you weren't going to do that being so uncomfortable." Abbey picked up his black knit Calvin Klein boxers and handed them to him. 

"And whose fault is that?" he asked, slipping into them. "Sending me a video like that was like holding out a glass of water to a man who'd been lost in the desert." 

"Maybe I did go a little overboard." 

"No." Jed shook his head and reached out to take her hand. "I didn't know where to go tonight. I didn't know how to treat you. I wasn't sure if all this..." he gestured to the erotic romance of the room..." was going to happen. Getting the video showed me where we were going...that this was okay." 

"It's okay, Jed. It's more than, okay." She handed him the plush deep blue bathrobe she had gotten him the Christmas he had been elected President so he would finally throw out the worn old navy blue Notre Dame flannel robe he loved so much. She had partially accomplished her goal...he wore the plush blue one at the White House, but he hadn't thrown out the navy. It was his favorite and a sentimental favorite as well, since it was the first gift that Elizabeth and Ellie had purchased him for his birthday with their own allowance money. So, he wore the old flannel back at the farm. 

"So, what is this special dinner you have planned for us tonight? I'm hungry." 

"I sure hope you will be again," she smiled slyly. "Sit down for an aphrodisiac extravaganza." 

"Aphrodisiacs?" Jed lifted a brow looking at the couch. "We didn't seem to have any problems just a few minutes ago." 

"No, but did you think that was it? I have needs too, you know." 

"Oh, I know all about your needs, toots. Don't you worry. I'll be taking care of those for you." 

"Do I look worried?" Abbey lit the tapers on the table and switched the CD to something a little more romantic, five CD's of all time favorite love songs. "Would you like your gifts before we eat or after?" 

"I think you know me better than to think I might hold out until after we eat." 

"As impatient as a little boy," she gave a soft laugh, then stretched out her arms to show him a present in each hand. "Do you want naughty?" She wiggled the gift tantalizingly under his nose, "Or nice?" 

"Well, I think you also know me well enough to know there is no way that I'd pass on the opportunity to open up 'naughty' first." 

"Okay, then. Be my guest." She handed him the smaller package. Jed opened it to see what looked like a leather bound checkbook, only this one was engraved with the statement "52 Naughty Nights". He opened the booklet and realized they were coupons. His eyes widened as he read what the coupons were for. One full body massage. Intercourse, your choice of position. Oral pleasure at the office. Manual pleasure in the car. Bubble bath for two. One striptease and lap dance. Sex standing up in the bathroom during a party. On and on it went until Jed was swallowing tightly. 

"You can pick one a week for all 52 weeks in the year." 

"I see that. This, my love, is an INSPIRED gift." 

"I know my man pretty well. There wasn't a chance you wouldn't like it," her dimple flashed at him, her nose wrinkling in that cute way he loved so much. 

"Not a chance in hell," he agreed. "Can I pick one of these tonight?" 

"Maybe, if you're a good boy." 

Jed loved his map of the Chesapeake as well, although maybe not with quite as much eye opening enthusiasm as his book of coupons received. 

"And now for you." Jed grabbed for his jacket and pulled out a long black velvet box. 

"What did you do, Josiah?" Light danced in Abbey's eyes as she took the box from him. The smile slowly faded from her face and a shimmer of tears glazed her pretty green eyes as she gazed down at the necklace that lay in the soft bed of velvet. It was a gold chain with fourteen sparkling diamonds and at the center a purple amethyst heart surrounded by tiny diamonds. 

"Oh...Jed...I don't know what to say." 

"You can't wear the medal I gave you. That's private, between you and me. But, this...this is for the world to see." 

"Would you put it on me?" Abbey handed him the box then lifted her heavy hair off her neck so he could make the clasp. When she turned back around the delicate necklace gleamed around her neck, the heart falling on her chest just where it should be. Jed reached out a finger lifting it and looking deeply into her eyes. 

"Whenever you need to be reminded of your courage, you wear this and KNOW what courage that I know lies in your heart." 

"I love it, Jed. I really do." She leaned forward touching her lips to his in a sweet tender kiss. "Now...are you getting hungry?" 

"Starved." 

"Good." Abbey rang for the steward to bring up their meal. 

Bernard, the steward who had walked in on the Bartlets their first morning in the White House, no longer thought twice about serving romantic dinners for two in the Residence for the President and his wife – something that had been a totally new experience for him with this administration. 

"Thank you, Bernard," Abbey smiled while he removed the silver covers off their food. 

"Will their be anything else, ma'am?" 

"Not at the moment, thank you. We're starting with an oyster stew," she told Jed. 

"Ah, even I know oysters are an aphrodisiac." 

"But did you know that mustard is supposed to stimulate the sexual glands and increase desire?" 

"I knew there was a reason I liked it on my sandwiches. Are we having mustard?" 

"As a matter of fact we are. Our entrée is filet mignon with a mustard peppercorn sauce. That way you'll get the benefit of the mustard and protein to keep up your stamina. And, our salad has a honey Dijon dressing." 

"No other veggies?" Jed asked hopefully, knowing what his answer would be. 

"Of course we're having a vegetable." Abbey lifted the lid off her entrée and stuck a fork into an asparagus stalk bringing it to her lips and sucking gently on the tip that so resembled a penis. Watching her, he was surprised to feel stirring in his lower extremities considering it hadn't been that long since Abbey had pleasured him in much the same way. "Don't you like asparagus?" Her voice was pure baby doll sex. 

"I love asparagus when you eat it like that." 

"I figured it was a little easier than an avocado." 

"An avocado?" Jed looked puzzled wondering how an avocado could be considered a phallic symbol. 

"Yes, the avocado is supposed to resemble and symbolize testicles." 

"Really?" He took a bite of his stew. 

"Yeah." 

"Hmm. The things you learn." 

They were quiet for a few moments while they dined on the tasty filet and stew, but it didn't take long for Jed's curiosity to get the better of him. He lifted the lid off yet another bowl. "What's with the fruit?" he asked. 

"Well, strawberries and raspberries have been described as 'fruit nipples'." 

"Appropriate," Jed agreed as he reached for one. He placed the tip of the strawberry between his lips sucking at the succulent fruit. "Your nipples have always reminded me of strawberries and cream." 

Abbey's breasts swelled, her nipples hardening and tingling as she imagined Jed's lips suckling at her in the same way they were the strawberry. Jed watched the way she pressed her arms tightly against her breasts to relieve the torture. 

"A little payback there," he said gazing down at where he was growing a decided bulge yet again between his thighs. 

"So it seems," she lifted her champagne flute to him taking a long sip. 

"What about these?" 

Abbey nearly groaned out loud when Jed picked up the fig running his finger up and down the seam. "An open fig is supposed to emulate the female sex organs." 

"Is that so?" Innocently Jed opened the fig running his tongue over the fruit. "The vulva?" 

"Yes," Abbey breathed. 

"The clitoris?" He started to suckle and Abbey felt a corresponding throb between her legs. 

"Oh...yes..." Her voice was husky. Jed grinned as he watched her squirm in her chair, knowing she was aching and looking for relief, knowing she was growing damp with desire. 

"Abbey, do you want to finish eating?" 

"God, no," she groaned. 

"Good, neither do I." 

Both jumped to their feet and Abbey eagerly led Jed toward the bed. 

"Wait." Jed pulled Abbey to halt in front of the full-length vanity mirror she had brought with them from the farm. "I want you to watch me touch you the way I watched you touch me earlier." 

A shiver ran down Abbey's spine at the thought of watching her husband's hands roam over her body, teasing her, pleasuring her. "Okay," the word came out on a sigh. 

Standing behind her, Jed unbelted her robe letting it fall to the floor in swish of silk. His eyes widened as he stared at her image in the mirror, her full creamy breasts spilling out of the bustier, the bare expanse of flat belly exposed before the tiny scrap of red silk that covered her mound. The sexy tabs of the garters that held up her fishnet stockings, and those legs, those amazing long shapely legs that soon would be wrapped around his hips urging him on. He rested his chin on her shoulder, their eyes meeting in the mirror. 

"You are spectacular, Abbey," He nuzzled into the delicate soft skin of her neck. "So beautiful and feminine and so damn sexy, you make my teeth ache." 

"Is that all...your teeth?" She wiggled her rear back against his erection. 

"No, that's not all, and you very well know it." He suckled her earlobe between his lips and ground his hips into her rear knowing exactly what that was going to do to her. She didn't disappoint. He felt her shudder, watched her eyes soften with arousal. His fingers worked at the clasps on her bustier and before long her breasts were free, the garment falling to the floor and Jed's hands taking its place. Abbey watched his big male hands cover the pale mounds of her breasts kneading them, then sliding his palms over her nipples causing her breath to catch in her throat. 

"You see what I mean?" he asked as he gently squeezed a nipple between his thumb and forefinger. "Strawberries and cream, everything pink and white and delicate." One hand continued to caress her breast while the other moved lower, moved sensuously over her belly before slipping down inside the lacy triangle between her legs stroking her soft curls almost reverently before finally slipping his fingers into her moist heat. 

For Abbey, there was something so incredibly erotic about watching his hand inside her panties while his other cupped, teased and toyed with her nipples. The sensations were almost too much for her; she'd been without sex for too long not to already be on the edge. 

"I want to see, Jed," she was breathing heavy now. 

"See what, baby?" 

"Everything...More..." 

In response, Jed trailed his lips and tongue down her spine feeling her shiver as he tugged her thong down over her hips. She felt his teeth nip her rear and gave a soft groan just as she kicked her panties away. Then, he sat down on the chair pulling her down with him still facing the mirror. 

"Lean back," his voice was husky where nuzzled at the base of her neck, "and part your legs for me." 

Excitement coursed through Abbey's veins at the erotic image that faced her in the mirror when she leaned back against his chest and opened her legs for him. This time when he touched her, she could see it all. She watched his fingers comb through her springy auburn curls then slip into her moist cleft. She felt the ripples of pleasure and the tightening in her belly even as she watched his fingers start to move, circling and teasing the opening to her body, then sliding up to stroke her clitoris until every part of her was centered on that one small sensitive area. She leaned heavily back against Jed, biting her bottom lip as her thighs started to quiver. 

"Help me, babe. I want you to help me make you come." 

Whimpering softly, Abbey placed her smaller feminine hands over his more masculine ones, pushing him to knead her breast harder and pushing his fingers deeper into her folds in even harder and quicker circles over the swollen nub that controlled her pleasure. Her fingernails dug into the back of Jed's hand, her breath coming in soft pants and whimpers. Her rear wiggled and squirmed against his erection until he was panting right along with her. Faster and faster his fingers moved until her whole body tightened. 

"Jed!" She gasped his name as her body exploded in climax. Her eyes closed as she gave herself up to the contractions of agonizing pleasure that shook her body until she finally fell back heavily against Jed's chest. She was still breathing heavy when it was over, sweet pulsing little aftershocks causing her to shudder while Jed continued to nuzzle at her neck his hand still rubbing gently between her thighs. 

"Jed," she sighed. "That was...Oh, that was incredible." 

"I love to watch you come, to know that I can make you feel THAT good." 

"You do, Jed. God...you really do." 

"So, what do you think? You up for another round? He lifted his hips against her rear to show her they still had some unfinished business. 

"I don't know, babe. I feel so sated, so relaxed right now. I might need a little while." 

"How about a dance?" 

"You want to dance?" Abbey was surprised. She thought for sure that Jed would have her in bed in minutes. 

"Well, um...I was wondering...That video you sent me. It was one of the most arousing, erotic things I've ever seen. How would you feel about a re-enactment...in person." 

"Oh, I don't know. A video was one thing, Jed, but having you watching... here in person..." 

"You were great, Abbey...honestly...the way you move, it was really hot. I mean REALLY hot." 

"I was good, huh?" Abbey started to get into the idea. 

"Like I said. REALLY hot. And you know, I do have a coupon for this...so technically..." 

"I get it. But, well, I'm not dancing naked. She moved to her dresser and slipped on a white satin teddy knowing the innocence of the white with the naughtiness of the dance would be a turn on. She turned to Jed with a tiny scrap of silk on her fingertips, then shook her head negatively and threw the panties back in her drawer. Jed swallowed tightly in anticipation. Abbey moved to the CD player and skipped over a few songs. At the first strains of Celine Dion's _Natural Woman_ , Jed's entire body came to attention and he knew he'd never hear that song again without picturing his wife doing a striptease. 

Abbey's eyes closed, her fingers moved through her long hair and her neck fell back as she felt the music. 

_"Looking out on the morning rain, I used to feel so uninspired_  
And when I knew I had to face another day   
It made me feel so tired   
Before the day I met you life was so unkind   
But you're the key to my piece of mind 

Cause you make me feel" 

Her hips were swaying now side to side twisting down lower toward the floor then back up again. 

_"You make me feel  
You make me feel like a natural woman. _

When my soul was in the lost and found   
You came along to claim it" 

Abbey tossed her head back again her back arching while her hands flattened over her breasts moving sensuously lower over her belly to her thighs and back up again, pausing at her breasts, her eyes meeting Jed's who was sitting just a few feet from where she was dancing. When she'd made the video, she had imagine him watching her, imagined how hot he would get...how hard...she didn't have to imagine anymore. His blue eyes glittered with desire and his black knit jockey's had a huge tent at his crotch. She moved closer to him placing a hand on each arm of the chair allowing him a tantalizing view of her swaying breasts. 

_"And I didn't know just what was wrong with me.  
Oh, till your kiss helped me name it." _

Abbey sang softly to him, her head dipping down to touch his lips with hers for a light gentle kiss. 

_"Now I'm no longer doubtful... of what I'm living for_  
Cause if I make you happy I don't need to do more.   
Cause you make me feel." 

Abbey placed a knee up beside him on the chair, then lifted another on the other side so that she was kneeling over his lap, her breasts at eye level. 

_"You make me feel  
You make me feel like a natural woman _

Oh, Oh, baby what you've done to me...what you've done to me" 

Her fingertips moved to unbutton his shirt and Jed's breathing became ragged. He watched her fingertips deftly unbutton his shirt and had to restrain himself from pulling her into him. She sang along with the music as she worked at the buttons, sliding her hands inside to stroke his warm chest, teasing his nipples and letting herself sink down every so often to grind herself against his erection, her eyes closing at the anticipation of taking him inside her. She hadn't believed she could be so turned on again so quickly. 

_"You made me feel so good inside, good inside._  
And I...I just wanna be   
Wanna be   
Close to you because you make me feel so alive,   
baby, baby, baby, close to you because you make me feel so alive 

You make me feel, you make feel you make me feel like a natural woman" 

She pulled his hands up to cover her breasts and arched her back erotically, offering herself in complete vulnerability to him. 

_"You make me feel  
You make me feel like a natural woman... _

Baby, baby what you've done to me   
You made me feel so good inside." 

As the music faded, Abbey cupped Jed's face in her palms and she kissed him long and hard before pulling back to look into his blue eyes now hooded with desire. "Well? Do I have a future in lap dancing." 

"As long as I have an exclusive contract." 

"Oh, I'm exclusive all the way, babe. I mean once you've done the President of the United States where else is there to go?" 

Jed chuckled and ran his finger down her chest and between her breasts. Her nipples were hard easily visible in the nearly see through white lace. "That video, it was incredible, but it was nothing compared to the live version." 

"Glad you liked it." 

Jed slipped his hand under her teddy and between her legs feeling just how wet she was for him. "So, you still feel pretty sated?" He already knew the answer from the way she sank into his hand and the hitch of her breath in her throat. 

"Unh uh..." She shook her head negatively and grasped the wrist of the hand that had been tracing the valley between her breasts pulling it inside the silk to cover the soft mound. 

"Then what are we waiting for?" 

"You tell me." 

Jed carried her over the few steps to the bed, her legs still wrapped around his hips, his face buried in her breasts; and when he hit the bed with his knees and laid her back on the soft comfort, he covered her like a man long denied the succor that kept him alive. He kissed her, long deep kisses his tongue invading her mouth, tasting every inch of her. Abbey responded to the kisses her own tongue stroking his teasing his, her legs wrapping more tightly around his waist. They clung to each other, ravenous for this final completion and only broke apart reluctantly for Abbey to pull the teddy up over her head and discard it while Jed did away with the sexy black knit boxers. Joining her back on the bed, Jed reached out a hand to lift and weigh one of her full magnificent breasts. Reverently, he dipped his head sliding his tongue over the stiff nipple causing Abbey to moan and clutch at his head holding him in place, never wanting him to stop. He loved to suckle at her breasts and tease her hardening nipples with his tongue and teeth. He continued on with his torturous suction until Abbey felt her bones were literally melting away. And then he was kissing her again and Abbey rolled him over so she was on top straddling him and running her hands over his chest teasing his flat male nipples with her fingers and moving lower to curl around his stiff shaft. She knew exactly how he liked it. She wrapped her hands around his heat sliding over him from base to tip as her mouth had done earlier, using the emission from the tip of him to make her strokes easier. 

"Abbey, wait..." He groaned as he looked up at her his bronze hair falling over his brow, his eyes bright, glittering with arousal..."Is this okay? Do I need a condom?" He was already reaching for the drawer in the night table. 

"No," she grabbed his wrist stopping him. "We're all set. I took care of it." 

"Oh, thank God. I want to be inside you, no barriers, nothing between us." 

"Me too, Jed." 

In response, Jed rolled Abbey back underneath him positioning himself between her thighs. Abbey knew how it was going to feel. He was the only man who had ever been inside her body and he'd made this move thousands of times, yet still she held her breath awaiting the exquisite feel of his thick hard length penetrating her, stretching her, filling her until she no longer knew where she began and he ended. 

"Abbey," he moaned her name as her legs drew up higher around his hips and he slid all the way in to his hilt. Joined to her as closely and intimately as two people could be, he looked deeply into her smoky green eyes knowing there had been a time that he'd wondered if he would ever be this way with her again. If she would ever forgive him enough, love him enough. 

Abbey saw it all there in his eyes, in the sheen of tears that glazed them over. 

"I love you, Jed. I love you..." Pulling his head down for a kiss, Abbey used the legs that were wrapped around his waist to roll them over and gain the upper hand. Straddling him, she rested her hands on her thighs, her sexy tousled curls spilling over her shoulders. Her eyes closed and her teeth bit down over her bottom lip as she slowly lowered herself down on him. Unable to resist, Jed reached up to close his hands over her breasts. Abbey fell forward, her hands bracing herself on his chest as she continued to slide up and down on him, slowly, so agonizingly slowly. Jed tried to thrust up into her his body throbbing with the need to bury himself within her again and again. Finally unable to stand the torture anymore, he pulled her hands off his chest and wrapped his arms around her holding her close while rolling her onto her back and regaining control. 

He grinned down at her. "My turn." 

Abbey nodded. She was ready, more than ready for the pounding masculine force of her husband. He didn't disappoint. Jed began to thrust into her, at first long and steady deep strokes, then quicker shallow thrusts that had her hips rising to meet his to take him more deeply. They were on fire, their bodies lost in a maelstrom of pleasure and passion. Heavy breathing, soft cries and groans filled the room, sharper cries reverberating off the walls. No longer jockeying for position, they simply rolled over the bed together and as they lay side by side – Abbey's legs locked around Jed's hips, their mouths fused. She gave a turn of her hips designed to put her back on top when they rolled off the bed onto nothing but sheer air, right off the edge of the mattress. Jed realized it before Abbey did, when his rear went off the edge. He quickly withdrew from her, not wanting to hurt her, and in trying to break her fall with his body, he felt the side of his head bang against the edge of the nightstand, felt the sharp stab of pain and saw stars just as he landed on his back with a hard thud. 

"Jed!" Abbey gasped, sitting up from where she had fallen sprawled over his torso. "Oh my God, are you all right?" 

"Yeah, I think so. Just knocked the wind out of me a bit." He neglected to tell her of the possible concussion he might be experiencing. Some things were more important. "I'll be okay." He grasped her hips trying to pull her back into position. It wasn't like they hadn't done it on the floor before. 

"Jed... your back." She protested, even as her own body screamed at her to go for completion. 

"My back is fine." As if to prove it, he rolled Abbey over, found his spot cradled between her thighs and re-entered her. The throbbing in his head ceased to matter as he started thrusting into her. 

"Is it okay?" he asked, wanting to make sure she hadn't been injured in the fall. 

"Mmmmm.....Yes...Do it hard, Jed. Do it hard." 

Jed had no problem complying with her demand. The lack of give in the floor caused each thrust to penetrate her completely until she was writhing underneath him, husky sexy moans of his name muffled into the curve of his neck. Her fingernails dug urgently into his rear pulling him more tightly against her, more deeply inside her until the pleasure started to coil tighter and tighter in her belly, becoming so intense nothing mattered but the feel of him surging between her thighs; and when he moved a hand between their bodies and touched her where their bodies were joined, she cried out his name her back arching like a bow as the shattering orgasm sent her over the edge. He felt the contractions inside her squeeze him tightly and his hips moved faster his own climax building until he exploded inside her with a deep hoarse groan. 

Abbey shuddered at the feeling of warmth that spread through her as Jed came, her body still quivering and contracting as he slowed his pace and finally collapsed on top of her. His chest flattened her breasts and heaved against her as he fought to catch his breath. Completely sated and totally wiped out, Abbey ran her fingertips soothingly through his hair and over his back. After a few minutes, he propped himself up on his elbows gazing up at her with heavy lidded slumberous blue eyes, his cowlick falling over his forehead lending him a boyish very sexy look. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to crush you." 

"You didn't...you aren't. I like the feel of you all heavy and exhausted on top of me. I like knowing that I did that to you." 

Jed nodded and shifted his hips experimentally. He was still hard enough to be inside Abbey and he felt her tighten at his movement squeezing her legs around him. 

"Stay with me, Jed. Stay with me until you can't anymore. I want you close to me." 

"Sometimes I feel like I can't get close enough. I bury myself inside you and I still want more. But tonight...Abbey, I think I feel as close to you as I ever have before." 

"It's because there's nothing between us, Jed. We cleaned it all out, all the hurt and anger, all the misunderstandings and all the pain. There are no more secrets. Nothing we haven't shared." 

"It feels good, Abbey, really good, and I don't just mean the sex...although that was absolutely incredible, like something out of a fantasy. You know," he brushed her soft hair off her brow, tucked it behind her ear, "I wanted you from the first moment I ever laid eyes on you and during all these years that we've been together, I've never stopped wanting you." 

"I feel exactly the same. I'll never stop wanting you, Jed. Wanting and needing you is as elemental as eating and breathing, but like you said, it's more than sex. Sex is just a way to express that...don't get me wrong, it's a hell of a GREAT way to express it, but it's more than just a need or an ache. Wanting you and loving you are all tied up together. I couldn't want you as much as I do if I didn't love you so much." 

"I was so afraid I'd never hear you say those words again. That I fucked up so badly you'd never be able to let it go." 

"It's gone, Jed." There was such freedom in being able to say those words; such a weight off her chest to know that what she had said was true. 

"Really?" He lifted his head from the crook of Abbey's neck and looked up at her. Abbey's eyes widened with disbelief as the firelight flickered over his features. Pushing at him gently, she disengaged herself from him and sat up reaching to turn on the bedside lamp. 

"Oh my God, Jed. YOUR EYE!" 

**** 

> _I love you for sentimental reasons_  
>  I hope you do believe me   
> I'll give you my heart 
> 
> I love you   
> And you alone were meant for me   
> Please give your loving heart to me   
> And say we'll never part 
> 
> I think of you every morning   
> Dream of you every night   
> Darling I'm never lonely   
> Whenever you're in sight 
> 
> I love you for sentimental reasons   
> I hope you do believe me   
> I've given you my heart   
>    ( _I Love You for Sentimental Reasons_ by Linda Ronstadt.)

Abbey and Jed were sitting in front of the fireplace leaning back against the couch, their bare feet stretched out toward the warmth of the fire as they relaxed listening to the romantic music. A bowl of strawberries and dipping chocolate sat at their sides along with flutes of champagne. 

"Jed, keep the ice on your eye. It's the only way to get the swelling to go down." 

"It's cold," he complained. 

"That's why they call it ice, Mon amour." She dipped a strawberry in chocolate and slipped it between his lips. "Good?" she asked. 

"Very good, but not in the same league as YOUR 'fruity nipples'." To emphasize his point, he slipped his hand inside her red silk kimono and covered her breast with his palm, more out of a need to touch than to sexually arouse at this point. Enjoying the feel of his warm hand, Abbey snuggled in to him resting her head on his shoulder. 

"I can't believe you didn't say anything when it happened. I mean I heard the thud when you hit, but I figured it was your elbow or something, I had no idea it was your HEAD." 

"Yeah, and if you had, you would have gone into doctor mode and stopped everything. I had more important things on my mind than a little bump on the head." He smiled rakishly at her, his hand squeezing over her breast. 

"Yeah, and now you're going to have one hell of a shiner. How are we supposed to explain that one?" 

"I got Abbey a blender for Valentine's Day and she popped me one?" 

"Every woman in America would side with me on that one," she chuckled. 

"Or we could just tell them the truth. My wife is an insatiable sex pot and we were rolling around on the bed having wild, hot monkey sex when we fell off and I banged my head." 

"Jed Bartlet, don't you dare." 

"All the MEN in America would envy ME." 

"Yeah, well I think I might inspire quite a bit of envy myself from the women in America. But, I repeat, don't you dare." 

Jed placed a chocolate covered strawberry between Abbey's lips and she bit down on the succulent fruit. 

"Good?" he asked, his tongue darting out to lick the excess sweet juice from her lips. 

"Mmm...But it sure is nice not to need chocolate as a substitute for sex anymore." She dipped a finger in the warm chocolate sauce and sucked it off. 

"Does that actually work?" 

"You've never heard of chocolate orgasms?" 

Jed's eyes widened. "You can really get an orgasm from eating chocolate?" 

"Not really," she grinned. "But, oh baby, there are times it comes close." 

"Really?" Jed dipped his finger in the chocolate and licked it off. "Must be a chick thing." 

"I bet it could be a guy thing." Abbey took his hand, dipped his finger in the chocolate then closing her eyes she proceeded to lick and suckle the chocolate from his finger. 

"Oh...yeah..." he sighed. "Now THAT could bring on a chocolate orgasm." 

"To chocolate orgasms," Abbey lifted her glass of champagne. 

"To all orgasms – chocolate and the real thing." 

"I'll toast to that," Abbey touched her glass to his with a smile, then after a sip, cuddled back up to his side. They sat snuggled up together quietly, companionably, Jed lifting strands of Abbey's long strawberry blond hair and letting it fall back to her shoulder, enjoying the way the firelight played and shimmered in it. Abbey sighed with contentment; she loved it when Jed played with her hair. 

"I love the way the flames bring out the fire in your hair." 

"You haven't said anything about it. What do you think? I mean I know you like my natural auburn..." 

"There's still lots of auburn in there." He thought back to a time when she had dyed her hair blond and watched the shimmering red-gold strands filter through his fingertips. "I just missed it when you dyed the red out completely. The red is who you are; it's part of your personality. But now that you mention it, what IS all this about?" He tugged at the strand of hair he had been toying with. 

"I don't know. I just felt like I needed a change. I feel like we're making a fresh start here and I wanted something to signify that I guess. For a long time after we were kidnapped, I didn't like who I became. I didn't like how I felt or how I was reacting to things. I feel more like myself again now, only stronger and better equipped. Does that make any sense?" 

"Absolutely," he stroked her cheek. "You were tested as many people are not and you kept your faith. You know now just how capable you are and that when the chips were down, you stayed strong and came through it all. You deserve to be proud of that. I know I am. And...well, I've been thinking about this a lot as well. We had a real rough patch there for a while. We were tested. Our marriage was tested and it held strong. I feel so good about us, Abbey. And, well, there's something else I want to give you. He got up onto his knees and grabbed his suitcoat where it hung on the arm of the couch then turned to her with yet another, this time smaller velvet box. 

"Jed, come on," Abbey touched the jewels at her throat. "The necklace was more than enough." 

"No, it wasn't." Jed stayed on his knees the box still in hand. "You know I don't do sappy well. But, when I look around and I see people like Leo and Jenny and Millie and Dave and I hear the statistics on all those people who couldn't keep it together, I realize just how rare and precious what we have together is. And, if this year taught me anything, it was that we can't take it for granted. I guess what I'm trying to say is, Abbey, will you marry me...again." 

Eyes shining, Abbey watched him open the box and show her the beautiful wedding band made up entirely of diamonds. Simple understated and elegant. "Jed, it's beautiful." 

"I know it's kind of simple, but I didn't want anything that was going to get in the way of the rings you already wear on that finger, just enhance them." 

"No, you did good, babe, really. I love it. Will you put it on for me?" 

"I can't put it on until you give me an answer. Will you retake your vows with me?" 

"Yes, Jed." She wiped at the tear that trailed down her cheek. "I can't think of any better way to bring closure to everything than for us to reaffirm the vows that have brought us this far, to reaffirm our love." 

Still on his knee, Jed took her hand and slid the diamond band on the finger where his grandmother's diamond engagement ring and her wedding band already lay glimmering in the firelight. "I want to renew these vows, not just by ourselves like we did on our tenth anniversary at the Jackson Inn, or just in front of Tom at Holy Trinity on our twentieth. This time I want a full ceremony. I want to reaffirm our love and our commitment in front of God, our family and our friends." 

"A big wedding type ceremony?" 

"Absolutely. We had a hellish year, Abbey, but we made it through with our commitment to each other even stronger that it's ever been. And, over these past few months we've learned so much about each other and our relationship." 

"The strength of our love, the depth of our need. We're not good apart, Jed. Never have been, never will be." 

"And I want to share with our loved ones just how special our union is and to celebrate our life together with them." 

"It's a beautiful and incredibly romantic idea. When you were thinking?" 

"Our anniversary." 

"Oh, that gives me plenty of time to start planning. Did you have anyplace in mind?" 

Jed grinned. He could see the wheels were already turning in that pretty little head of hers. "The Rose Garden, the farm, Maine, Nantucket, Holy Trinity...I don't know, we can work out the logistics together another day. It's enough for me to know that all these years later you want to marry me all over again." 

"Jed, what I felt for you as my fiancé as a twenty-one year old girl is absolutely NOTHING compared to what I feel for you now as my husband, my lover, my best friend and the father of my children. When I took those vows the first time around, I thought I knew what they meant, but I didn't...not really. I do now." 

"It almost has heavier meaning now, don't you think? When we made those vows the first time around, it was with complete blind faith. But now we've been through the better and worse, sickness and health and we're still willing to keep that commitment." 

"All I know is I can get through any of that stuff, the good and bad times, the sickness and health as long as you're by my side. It's when I let you go that I ran into trouble." Abbey cuddled back up to his side, her left hand resting on his stomach watching the firelight glitter on the diamonds she wore on her finger knowing that it wasn't the jewels making her feel warm inside, but the love of the man who put them there. 

"Well, I guess I'll just have to stop you from ever letting me go again." He kissed the top of her head. 

"See to it that you don't." 

> _It's not the flowers_  
>  Wrapped in fancy paper   
> It's not the ring   
> I wear around my finger   
> There's nothing in all the world I need   
> When I have you here beside me   
> Here beside me 
> 
> So you could give me wings to fly   
> And catch me if I fall   
> Or pull the stars down from the sky   
> So I could wish on them all   
> But I couldn't ask for more   
> 'Cause your love is the greatest gift of all 
> 
> In your arms   
> I found a strength inside of me   
> And in your eyes   
> There's a light to guide me   
> I would be lost without you   
> And all that my heart could ever want   
> Has come true 
> 
> You could offer me the sun, the moon   
> And I would still believe   
> You gave me everything   
> When you gave your heart to me   
> I couldn't ask for more   
> 'Cause your love is the greatest gift of all   
>    ( _Your Love_ by Jim Brickman and Michelle Wright)


	12. Time to Heal, A

"To what do I owe this unexpected intrusion?" Jed's back was to CJ as she entered the Oval Office. 

"Sir, I've got a press room going crazy in there. Evidently, Ellie and Sam have been 'outed'. They went out to dinner last night together and were spotted by the press." 

"Oh my goodness, a young man and woman went out to dinner together to celebrate Valentine's Day, hold the presses." Jed's sarcastic tone did nothing to endear him to CJ. 

"I know WE think it's ridiculous but pictures were taken and I've got a room full of reporters wanting to know what's up between Congressman Seaborn and the President's daughter. I need to know what you want me to tell them." 

"Well, CJ," Jed turned to look at her. "You can tell them that I make it a policy not to interfere in any of my daughters' love lives. It's bullshit but it keeps me from having to comment and that will give me time to find out what Ellie would like the White House to say on the subject. You can also tell them that if they so much as THINK of hounding Ellie about this..." Jed trailed off his brow furrowing. "Why are you looking at me with your mouth gaping open?" 

"Because suddenly I'm thinking your daughter is not the only one who's going to have that press room going crazy. Sir, you're meeting with members of the teachers' union in a half hour." 

"I'm aware of my schedule, CJ." 

"But..." 

"But what?" 

"But, Sir, you have a black eye." 

"You think I missed that?" Jed touched the eye in question with a wince. In spite of Abbey's best efforts, the eye was still slightly swollen and definitely rimmed by an unhealthy purplish black and yellow. 

"What happened to you?" 

"I'm not at liberty to say." 

"Not at liberty to say?" CJ was incredulous. 

"Is there an echo in here?" 

"Sir, you are about to have a meeting in which pictures will be taken. Media will be present. I don't think a black eye is something they will overlook. I'm going to get questions. What do I say?" 

"No comment." 

"Sir, all due respect, no comment is NOT going to work in this instance. No comment will lead to speculation." 

"Oh, what's the worse they can come up with?" 

"It was Valentine's Day, you got piss-assed drunk and passed out and hit your head. It was Valentine's Day, the First Lady caught you admiring another woman and threw an ashtray at your head. It was Valentine's Day..." 

"Okay, Okay, CJ. Man, I didn't think you'd have all those headlines on the tip of your tongue." 

"Hey," Leo whistled as he entered the room. "Hell of a shiner. What happened?" 

"No comment," CJ said. 

"No comment?" Leo lifted a brow. 

"The President refuses to comment on how he got a black eye." 

"I'll say I walked into the door or something." Jed rolled his eyes. "The press is going to be there to hear what I have to say about the education bill. I bet they hardly notice my black eye." 

"And those are the famous last words," CJ groaned as the President left the room on his way to the meeting. 

"Beautiful shiner you've got there, Sir," Debbie fell into step beside him. 

"Something I can do for you, Debbie?" 

"Just wondering if you'd give me a tip on how you did it. We've got a bit of a pool going." 

"Really, what's winning?" 

"Tripping over the dog." 

"You bet on that?" 

"Naw...too boring." 

"So, what do you think happened?" 

"It was Valentine's Day, you had a hot date with the Mrs. I'm not sure how it might have happened, but I have a feeling a little barbecuing was involved." 

Jed stared at her with shocked eyes. "How?" 

"How'd I know?" 

Jed nodded. 

"You forgot something in the VCR." With a grin, Debbie handed him a sealed manila folder. 

Jed's face flushed red as he accepted the package, his worried eyes moving up to catch Debbie's. 

"Don't worry. I was the first one in this morning. No one else knew it was there. I saw the box cover lying on your desk. 

"Did you watch it?" 

"Of course not." 

"Good." But as Jed strode off down the hall with the package under his arm, he distinctly heard Debbie Fiderer humming the tune to _Natural Woman_. 

**** 

"Ma'am." Amy Gardner moved quickly to reach the First Lady before she departed the free clinic in one of Washington's poorest sections for her waiting motorcade. 

"What is it, Amy?" 

"We have a bit of a problem." 

"I don't want to hear about any problems today. I'm in too good a mood." 

"I see that." Amy hadn't missed the bounce in Abbey's step or her sparkling good humor. "But, I just wanted to warn you. The President had a meeting with the teachers' union this morning. Evidently, he showed up with a black eye." 

"I share a bed with him, Amy. Did you think I missed the eye?" 

"Not exactly. But you know, neither did the press. I'm just warning you. You might be asked a few questions about it." 

"I'm sure there are far more important things for the press to be worried about than the President's black eye." 

"You'd like to think..." Amy mumbled. 

"Did you say something, Amy?" Abbey hit the door to exit the building. 

Whatever Amy had to say was drowned out by the cacophony that greeted the first sight of the First Lady. Dozens of questions were shouted out at the same time 

"Mrs. Bartlet, what happened to the President's eye? Is it true you had a terrible fight and threw a book at him...Did you really get angry and hit him...I heard it was an ashtray!" 

Abbey was stunned, her eyes widening in disbelief. She faced the press corps head on. "What you're saying is absolutely ludicrous and I'm not going to dignify those questions with a response." She started to enter the SUV through the door that was being held open by a Secret Service agent, then turned back to face the press who were still shouting questions at her. "By the way...when I'm angry, I'm not a hitter, I'm a door slammer." 

Abbey slammed the door shut and sat in the car crossing her legs with a huff. "I cannot BELIEVE that they actually thought I HIT Jed and gave him that black eye. I mean when it happened we were joking about something like that being said but I never really thought they would think that. What kind of person do they think I am?" 

"How DID the President get that black eye?" Amy asked. 

Abbey crossed her arms over her chest defiantly. "No comment." 

"See, now that's just fueling the fire. You keep saying things like that and people are going to assume the worst." 

"That doesn't say much about humanity, does it? Why wouldn't they just assume he banged it on door or something." 

"Is that what happened?" 

"Not exactly." 

Amy watched a blush touch Abbey's cheeks. 

"Well, I know you and the President well enough to know that you didn't slug him or throw something at him. And, given that it was Valentine's Day and I was told to keep your schedule empty so you could spend the evening with your husband...and since you're sporting a new diamond ring – something I'm sure I'll be questioned about as well – I'd have to say that the reason you don't want to answer is that he got it doing something racy." 

"Are you finished playing Jessica Fletcher?" 

"Am I right?" 

"Amy," Abbey's eyes narrowed. "Let it go." 

"What were you two doing that created a black eye? I mean it had to be pretty hot..." Amy tapped her fingernails on the armrest. "Pretty...damn...hot..." 

"Amy. I repeat. Let it go." 

"We are going to have to answer at some point, you know. Wouldn't you rather the press know he got it doing the wild thing rather than thinking you popped him one?" 

"I'd rather the press just minded its own business." 

"And we both know that isn't happening any time soon." 

**** 

Both Abbey and Jed had full schedules for the day and hadn't been able to connect even at suppertime. It was late when Abbey wearily returned after her last speaking engagement at a dinner honoring women in the military. She didn't like it when her schedule was so packed that she missed breakfast, lunch, supper and bedtime with the kids. It didn't happen often and when it did, the guilt tore at her. And, while all she wanted to do was kick out of her high heels and curl up in her comfy PJs with a cup of Chai tea and a good book, she set out, instead, for the nursery. The kids would be asleep, or at least they should be, but she couldn't resist stopping in to check on them. Doing so was as automatic as breathing. 

As she approached the nursery, her shoes now dangling from her fingertips, she heard the muffled sound of a voice speaking low; and when she opened the door to the room, she saw that it was Jed. He was kneeling next to Aislinn's bed talking to her and rubbing her back even though it was quite evident that she was sound asleep. Abbey knew she was eavesdropping, but couldn't seem to help herself when she heard what he was saying to their daughter. 

"I'm so sorry, Aislinn. I'm so sorry that I didn't know what was going to happen to you...that I didn't stop it from happening. I'm so sorry I didn't find you and Zoey and Mommy sooner and that you got hurt...You have to know, sweetheart, just how much that cuts me up inside. I love you more than I love my own life and I would give you the sun, the moon, and the stars if I could... and most of all, I'd give you those two days back as if they never happened. But, I can't do that for you, sunshine. No matter how badly I might want to, I can't take back that time for you or for Zoey or even for Mommy. All I can do is try to help you all deal with what happened. To be here for you and help you get through it. All I can do is love you with all my heart...and I do, Ash. I love you with all my heart. I thank God every day that He brought you and Nicholas into our lives, and that he gave me a second chance with you..." 

Abbey heard the catch in his voice and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Jed." 

Jed stiffened but didn't jump, didn't try to hide his emotions as he had so often in the past. 

"What happened? Did she have a nightmare?" 

Jed nodded. 

"Damn. She's gotten so much better. I thought she was really over them." 

"It wasn't about the trailer or the woods, Abbey. It was just a normal every day toddler bad dream. Something about a dinosaur. Anyway, I just had to scare him out from under the bed and out of the nursery and she fell right back asleep." 

Abbey smiled with relief. "I never thought I'd see the day that I'd be happy my baby girl was having bad dreams about dinosaurs." 

"NORMAL bad dreams is the key word there, Abbey." 

"I know. It must mean she's really healing if she can have bad dreams about something every kid has nightmares about and not about the 'bad men'." 

Jed nodded. "I was thinking along the same lines." 

Abbey yawned and turned her neck left and right. 

"Long day?" Jed asked. 

"After a long a night without much sleep," she smiled softly. "I'm wiped out. I just want a nice cup of hot Chai and my PJs. But, I also need to talk to you." 

"About your amazing right hook?" 

"That's not funny," she admonished him. "But, yes, among other things." 

"Okay. I'll go put on some hot water for your tea if you want to go put your PJs on. I'll meet you back in the bedroom." 

"Thank you, darlin'." She kissed the top of his head and left for their bedroom. 

**** 

By the time Jed returned with a steaming mug of tea, Abbey was stretched out on the couch in front of the fireplace relaxing in a pair of silk lounging PJs. She accepted the mug and lifted her legs allowing Jed to slide in underneath them. Before she was even able to sigh with content at the first sip of her spicy beverage, Jed ran his hands down her calves gently massaging. 

"Ohhh...God," she groaned, as his fingers moved over her ankle to her foot. "That feels absolutely divine." 

"Magic fingers, sugar plum," he wiggled his fingers at her with a grin. "They are good for more than one thing." 

"Yes, they are," Abbey purred, remembering how those fingers had made her body sing with pleasure just the night before. Tonight, they were creating a whole other sensual pleasure. 

"So, you wanted to talk?" 

"Oh...yes...you almost made me forget." 

"Let me guess. The press?" 

"Jed, they think I hit you or threw something at you." 

"I know. I'm sorry about that. I figured they'd just assume I made some klutzy move and hit my head. Odds were on me having tripped over the dog in the staff pool." 

"That's because they know us better than to think that we have those kind of fights." 

"Well, I guess if we just ignore it and don't comment the story will die soon enough." 

"No, it won't, Jed. The rumors will get more outrageous and...well, I just don't like the idea of anyone thinking I hit you." 

"You're really upset about this, aren't you?" Jed was surprised. Usually Abbey had tough enough skin to shake things like this off. 

Abbey nodded. "I just...Growing up the way that you did, Jed. It kills me to think that anyone might believe that I'd strike you in a fit of anger. God knows there are times when I might have wanted to hit you, and I did that one time..." 

"That wasn't anger, Abbey. That was fear and relief and a little bit of shock. You thought Air Force One had been shot down. You thought I was dead. And, if I remember correctly after you hit me you smothered me with kisses." 

"I know," a sad smile touched her lips. "I just don't ever want to ever be equated with your father, even if the rest of the world doesn't know what kind of man that he was." 

"God, Abbey." Jed's hand stopped massaging her foot and rested on her delicate ankle. "There is no way anyone could EVER compare you in any way shape or form to my father. You are about as far away from him in temperament and personality as any person could get. Why do you think I fell in love with you in the first place? From the beginning you made me feel GOOD about myself, my father only made me feel bad." 

"I know, Jed. But, I can't help it. It bothers me...a LOT. Can't you just tell them you bumped into a door or something?" 

"I thought of that, but, I decided not to go with it. First of all, it's a lie and lies always have a way of being discovered and second of all, if I say I tripped and fell they're going to think it has something to do with my M.S." 

"I never thought of that." 

"We could tell them the truth. The First Lady and I were having incredibly hot sex. The First Lady decided she wanted to be on top when she came and...well...she spun me right off the edge of the bed." 

"You think you're really funny, don't you." 

"I have my moments." Jed grinned and ran a finger down her soft instep making her yank her foot back. 

"Jed," she giggled helplessly as he continued to tickle her foot. 

"I know all your ticklish spots, honeysuckle." 

"I know you do..." 

"Seriously, Abbey. What do you want me to have CJ say?" 

"How about just the bare facts. You fell off the bed and hit your head on your nightstand. We don't have say what we were doing. Any further questions can be a 'no comment', but at least that gets them off my back about being a husband abuser." 

"You do know they're going to speculate like crazy that we were having sex when it happened." 

"Let them. I'd rather they come to that conclusion then the garbage they were spouting off today. Besides it's not as if there hasn't been plenty of gossip and speculation about our sex life in the past." 

"Consider it done." 

"Why are you smiling?" Abbey's eyes widened. "You like the idea, don't you? You get some kind of macho he-man pride out of it." 

"I do." He grinned even more widely. "I can't help it. I am proud of it. I'm proud of the fact that I have such a passionate, hot babe of a wife and that our lovemaking can get so wild and out of control that we flip right off the bed. I love that I can make you lose control like that." 

"It doesn't embarrass you?" 

"Not in the least." 

"You're such a guy," she grumbled. 

"And you're such a girl," he ran his finger back down her instep laughing at her predictable high pitched squeal. 

When she had caught her breath and stopped laughing Jed turned serious once again. "Did you talk to Ellie today?" 

"Briefly. I didn't have much time to chat. She's pretty upset." 

"I know. I had one of those brief chats myself. But, she had to know this was going to come out sooner or later." 

"I think she really believed that she and Sam would be finished before the press ever caught on to the fact that they were dating." 

"You think they're serious?" 

"I think he's as serious as Ellie has been about a guy since Davis." 

"Don't even mention that creep," Jed scowled. 

"Well, she really closed herself off for a long time because of him. Sam is the first man I've seen her have interest in since she dumped Davis and you sent him packing. And, if she wasn't serious about him, she wouldn't still be dating him. Sam's career has too many drawbacks for her to try to stick with him if she didn't truly care about him." 

"You think she can get passed that?" 

"I don't know. I guess it depends on how she really feels about him. How do YOU feel about the two of them?" 

"I don't know. It's strange to think of Sam, my friend and colleague, dating my daughter and there are some things I DON'T allow myself to think about. But, you know I love that boy. I know him enough to trust him with Ellie. He's a good person, Abbey. He has a good heart and he's as protective as they come." 

"I know. I've read that often girls fall in love with guys that remind them of their daddies. I know that I did." 

"I remind you of your father?" Having known, respected and loved Dr. Michael O'Neill for three decades and knowing how much Abbey revered her gentle, benevolent, intelligent father, Jed was honored and touched by the idea. 

"I've told you that before, babe. I mean, sure there are differences. Dad is soft spoken and you are...well...not... and–" 

"Hey, you're supposed to be complimenting me," he interjected with a boyish pout. 

"Okay, okay," she laughed. "You do share many of the qualities that I love and admire in my father. You reach out to people, Jed. You want to help them whether it's working extra hours to tutor a student who is struggling or doling out meals at the soup kitchen, or literally giving the shirt off your back to a cold homeless person. You're strong and confident. You know who you are and what you believe in and you have never followed anyone for the sake of following. People are instinctively drawn to you BECAUSE you are so confident and sure of yourself; you make people feel safe and secure. And most of all, you have a huge heart filled with integrity and compassion. Those are all the qualities I admire in my dad and they are the qualities that he shares with you." 

"Comparing me to your dad is one of the nicest compliments you've ever paid me." Jed squeezed her knee gently to acknowledge how moved he was. "Your father is one of the best men I've ever known." 

"It's a mutual admiration society. He feels the same about you... Well, except when you defile his daughter Christmas morning and allow his grandchildren to run around with condoms." 

"Very funny." Jed pinched her toe. "Do you really think that Sam reminds Ellie of me?" 

"In some ways. Sam is about as close to you in personality as he would be if you raised him yourself. He is idealistic, kind, compassionate and loyal and he is as protective of those that he cares about as you are. I think that's why you were always so drawn to him. He was like a son to you." 

"Ellie could do a LOT worse than Sam, and she certainly has in the past. I hope this doesn't get messed up." 

"Well, this is a day to mark in the calendar. Jed Bartlet doesn't want his daughter's romance to end." 

"Well, Lord only knows what she'd turn to. Remember that fruit fly guy she was dating before Sam." 

"Vic, Jed. His name was Vic." 

"Yeah, that was a near miss." 

"All right. Let's leave poor Ellie's love life alone." 

"Yes, lets." Jed lifted her leg and pressed a kiss to the gentle arch of her foot. 

"Not so fast, Romeo. There's something else I need to talk to you about. I spent the morning at a free clinic here in D.C." 

"Yes?" 

Abbey twisted on the couch pulling her legs up to cross Indian style. She rested her elbows on her knees, her chin in her hands and regarded Jed's response with keen interest. "And I felt alive, REALLY alive for the first time in a very, very long time." 

Abbey watched the hurt flicker in Jed's eyes and reached out to take his hand. "I don't mean alive in the way that I feel alive here when I'm with you and the kids. That's real, that's vital and yes, I feel very alive when I'm with you. It's the other stuff – all the superficial First Lady stuff that can weigh on me. But, when I was at the clinic and they were talking to me like the intelligent sought after doctor that I used to be, I realized just how much I miss that. I think people around here sometimes forget that I had a life, a full rewarding, challenging career that I happened to have been very good at, if I might say so myself." 

"What do you mean?" Jed frowned. "Who is talking down to you?" 

"They all have at some point or another, Jed. It's the nature of the job. To them, I'm just a wife and a mother, a figurehead, the President's wife. Put her in ball gown, put a smile on her face, wind her up and make her say the right things. I know I'm not the perfect politician's wife and to be honest, it's not something that has ever worried me. I wouldn't want to be one of those vapid Stepford wife clones. I try to be true to who I am as well as complying with the image your people want and there are times that I make mistakes. But, I was valedictorian of my high school graduation. I graduated Summa cum laude from Notre Dame. I have a medical degree from Harvard where I was at the top of my class. I'm a SURGEON, dammit. I've saved LIVES and I just think that sometimes people around here forget that. There are times that some of them treat me like some kind of novice, as if because my area of expertise doesn't lie in the political arena, I'm just the less than intelligent 'little woman'." 

"Who talks to you like that?" Jed's voice was tinged with anger now. No one got away with slighting his wife. NO ONE. 

"Jed, focus here. I'm not telling you this to get you pissed off at your staff. I'm trying to tell you how I feel and today I felt GOOD. It was nice to be discussing cases and health issues and to be back in my own area of expertise where I'M the competent one." 

As worried as he was by where Abbey might be going with this line of conversation, Jed was happy to see the spark back in her eye, the earnestness and the passion. She was right; it had been a long time since he'd seen her this worked up about something. "What do you want me to do, Abbey?" 

"I don't want YOU to do anything. The clinic needs volunteers. They are desperately understaffed. I want to volunteer." 

"At a free clinic in one of Washington's roughest neighborhoods?" 

"You don't find free clinics in the suburbs." 

"This isn't funny, Abbey. It's dangerous." A war began to rage inside Jed Bartlet's heart and his mind. He wanted his wife to be happy. Six years ago, she gave up her career to join him on his ride to the White House. More than anything he'd love to be able to give that back to her. But he was terrified. Terrified of the violence and crime and the chance that she could be taken from him again. 

"What are you thinking, Jed?" 

"I don't like the idea of you working in that kind of environment...It scares me." 

"Well I'm scared too, Jed. I'm afraid that if I don't do this... If I don't go out on a limb, I'll end up hiding out here at the White House. Safe in my own little bubble until I become isolated from everyone and everything. I don't want to live my life that way. If I do then Khaleel and Shareef...they win. I'm not going to let them win. I'd like for you to be behind me on this, but whether you are or not, I'm going to work in the clinic. It will only be part time. They said they'd work around my duties as First Lady, I know that has to come first. And, just think what this can do to boost the national awareness for the importance of immunization and good affordable healthcare. We can start a dialog that might lead to real change...Why are you smiling at me?" 

"It's good to see the fire in your eyes, to hear the excitement and passion back in your voice. It's very hot." 

"So I have your blessing?" 

"No." 

"No." Abbey's eyes narrowed. 

"Before you get your hackles up, hear me out. We'll discuss this with Ron Butterfield. If he thinks the Secret Service can ASSURE your safety then you'll have my blessing. If he says it's not going to work then it's NOT going to work, Abbey." 

"You're putting your foot down." 

"I guess I am." 

"That was a rhetorical question." 

"Well, I answered it." 

Jed watched Abbey's chest rise, knew she was gearing up for an argument. Putting his foot down with her had never been a very good idea. In the past he might have just left it at that and ended up getting into a fight with her, but this time he thought about what Sonia had said about communicating and expressing how he was feeling rather than just making a demand. 

"Look, I'm not trying to be a hard ass here. I'd love for you to be able to do this. But, if the Service can't guarantee your safety, I'm not taking any chances. I can't. I'm sorry if you can't understand that, but put yourself in my shoes for a minute." 

Abbey sat back contemplating his face for a moment remembering how frightened she had been the first time Jed had approached a rope line after the Rosslyn shooting. But, it was seeing the regret that shadowed his features that caused her anger and self-righteousness to deflate. She sighed. "I do understand where you're coming from. I won't do anything foolish, I promise." 

"So, if Ron says no, the answer is no?" 

"Not exactly." 

"Abigail..." Jed's tone was one of warning, his eyes turning steely. 

"I said I won't do anything foolish. I'll do whatever the Service tells me I have to do to make this work. I'll take on extra agents if needs be. I won't jeopardize my safety. It's not fair to put you or the children through something like that no matter how much I want to get back to practicing medicine. But I NEED to do this, Jed. I made a promise to myself when I came back here. I love you. I love what you are doing as President, I love our children, but I need something for ME too. Something outside the realm of politics or child rearing. Something that is MINE. I miss that. I miss practicing medicine." 

"I know you do." Jed's eyes turned sad. "I wish there had been some way for you to keep practicing while I am President. If I have one big regret about things, it's that. But, speaking of practicing medicine, can you? I mean you gave up your license." 

"Voluntarily. If they had suspended it, it would only have probably been for two years and the two years is up. Nobody but you knows that I promised to give it up for the entire duration of our stay in the White House. I never gave them a time frame. I just said that it would be for at least the two years they were looking for. I'm counting on you not holding me to that you know." 

"It was a wonderful gesture when you made it." He reached out a finger to trace gently over her cheekbone. 

"I meant it when I said it. I wanted to show you that I was behind you all the way, that I believed in you and that I would be okay with four years or eight years in the White House. I never honestly believed that I'd have a chance to practice any type of medicine while you were President, and then this just fell into my lap. Circumstances changed as they often do, people will understand that. And if they don't, well, I'm sorry. I'll try to stay out of the controversial stuff. Basically, I'll be spending my days immunizing children and discussing proper nutrition and health care. I was even thinking of maybe having some parenting classes. I mean a lot of the women that come to the clinic are very poor and very young. Many haven't even graduated high school. They need parenting guidance and people they can turn to with questions and for help rather than simply taking their frustrations out on their children." 

"I really hope Ron gives you the okay, hon. I can see how important this is to you and I know you'd do a damn good job over there; and you're right, it will definitely raise national awareness." 

"And probably get you criticized by the Republicans." 

"You leave the Republicans up to me. If the Secret Service is up to it, then I'll be behind you 100% and anyone who has a problem with it can shove it up their asses." 

"Have I told you lately how much I love you?" She placed her arms lightly over his shoulders. 

"Oh, once or twice while I was making love to you." His eyes twinkled. 

"Well, I guess I better say something then. I wouldn't want you to think I'm only after you for your body...I love you, Jed." She leaned forward touching her lips to his. "More than you can ever know." 

> _Have I told you lately that I love you?_  
>  Have I told you there's no one else above you?   
> Fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness,   
> Ease my troubles, that's what you do. 
> 
> For the morning sun in all it's glory,   
> Meets the day with hope and comfort too,   
> You fill my life with laughter, somehow you make it better,   
> Ease my troubles, that's what you do. 
> 
> There's a love less defined,   
> And its yours and its mine,   
> Like the sun.   
> And at the end of the day,   
> We should give thanks and pray,   
> To The One, to The One. 
> 
> Have I Told You Lately that I love you?   
> Have I told you there's no one else above you?   
> Fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness,   
> Ease my troubles, that's what you do.   
>    ( _Have I Told You Lately?_ By Rod Stewart)


	13. Time to Heal, A

Abbey stood at the stove in the Residence kitchen stirring the warming milk on the burner to keep it from sticking to the bottom of the pan. Jed was restless tonight. She knew it was going to be a tough night for him to fall asleep with all this talk of pardons and she was preparing for a pre-emptive strike with the warm milk. There was nobody here, not even Leo, who knew just what this topic of conversation did to his soul. To the rest of them it was all political. Pardons were a way of life for a President as they were for a Governor. But, for Jed it was so much more. Fifteen years earlier when he'd been a new young Governor, he had taken the advice of his parole board and paroled a man who had been in prison for attempted murder. Not a week after he had been released, he'd nearly stabbed a young woman to death in a mall parking lot. The fact that she had not been killed and that Wallace Turner had been apprehended again had done nothing to appease Jed's guilt. To this very day, he believed that were it not for him that woman would not have had to endure the pain and trauma of the violent stabbing. 

She looked at her husband now leaning back against the counter remembering that horrible dark time. She'd held him in her arms at night when he couldn't sleep and knelt beside him in church and held his hand while he prayed for the girl's life. She'd tried to alleviate his guilt, had quietly dealt with his retreat within himself all the while supporting him both publicly and privately. It had been a very, very difficult time and any time pardons were mentioned it opened old wounds that had never really healed. 

"What's in this?" Jed asked, as Abbey handed him the mug. 

"Just warm milk." 

"Does that ever work?" 

"It has." Abbey inhaled lightly for fortitude, not knowing what kind of reaction her next statement might draw. "Are you worried this might turn out to be another Wallace Turner?" 

Nonplussed, Jed looked her straight in the eyes. "A little, sure." 

Abbey felt the sharp little stab of pain in her chest at the guilt she still saw in her husband's compassionate eyes. "You were a new governor. You took the advice of your parole board." 

"Samantha McAllum's family probably isn't too comforted by that. I know I wouldn't have been." Jed sipped his milk. "Leo's worried it's the wrong time for pardons." 

"Leo hates to see you sleepless and distracted when you are about to embark on starting your agenda for the year." 

"What about you? Do you hate to see me sleepless and distracted?" He gave her a slight naughty smile that she returned. 

"There are lots of things we can do when you're sleepless, but distracted I'd have to work on." She ran her fingers down his chest. "But, speaking of Leo–" 

"I was speaking about sex." 

"Speaking of LEO," Abbey continued. "He hasn't answered my invitation to spend the weekend of Jenny's wedding at Harmony Point with us." 

"Do you think he's on to us?" 

"I'm sure he's on to us." 

"Margaret's convinced he's going to fall off the wagon." 

"What do you think?" 

"I don't think that will do it. Leo's strong; he's got a great support system. He isn't going to let this derail him. Besides he doesn't seem to be that bothered by any of it." That still baffled Jed. 

"Don't let him fool you. He may have moved past that chapter in his life, but it still has to hurt to see the woman he was married to for three decades starting a new life with another man." 

"Honestly, I don't know how he stands it." Jed turned and placed one hand on Abbey's shoulder, the other tucking a long strand of strawberry blond hair behind her ear. "It would kill me to even think about you with another man." 

"Well then, it's a good thing that's something you'll never have to worry about. EVER." Abbey tiptoed up to kiss him sweetly on the lips. "Now grab your mug and let's go snuggle up to watch _Adam's Rib_. We need a good laugh." 

Abbey grinned as she heard Jed following her into the living room singing the lyrics to _Farewell Amanda_ , the song Cole Porter wrote for the movie. 

**** 

"CJ, are you honestly telling us that the President fell out of bed and hit the side of his head on his nightstand?" 

CJ faced down the press corps. "With as straight a face as I can." 

"Where was the First Lady?" 

"Oh, she was right there with him." 

"On top or on the bottom," Lee Jameson of the _San Francisco Chronicle_ snickered just loud enough for CJ and the other people in the front row to hear. Soft laughter filled the room. 

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that." 

"What was he doing when he fell out of bed?" 

CJ stared blandly out at them. "You call yourselves journalists?" 

"Are you saying that the President and First Lady were taking part in a little horizontal tango when he fell out of bed?" 

"When THEY fell out of bed. That's all for today." CJ turned to leave the podium still holding back the grin that kept trying to spread across her face. 

"CJ! CJ! CJ!" 

CJ ignored the clamoring press corps and quickly made her way down the hall to the office. By the time she got, there the laughter was bubbling up in her chest. 

"They?" Danny Concannon stood in the doorway to her office a grin plastered on his face. 

Startled, CJ jumped. "Danny! I've asked you time and time again not to follow me out of the pressroom." 

"I don't listen, do I?" 

"No, you don't." 

"The President isn't going to be angry that you just stood before the national media and said that he got his black eye falling out of bed while having sex with his wife? Although..." Danny weighed in on the topic for a moment. "I suppose it's not quite as titillating as it would have been if he'd been in that bed with a woman OTHER than his wife." 

CJ's eyes widened with incredulity. "This is Jed Bartlet we're talking about. That would NEVER happen." 

"I know," Danny grinned. "I just like the way your cheeks get red when you're angry." 

"I'm not angry. And by the way, I don't believe I told any of you that the President and First Lady were having sex when he fell out of bed." 

"Just because you didn't use the s-e-x word doesn't mean you didn't spell it out for us. What made you go from 'no comment' yesterday to THEY fell out of bed today." 

"Off the record?" 

"Sure, why not? This isn't exactly Watergate. I'm just curious." 

"The First Lady didn't like the speculation out there that she hit the President." 

"I never believed it for a minute." 

"Good, because it wasn't true." 

"Obviously. She's a lover not a fighter, eh?" 

"Danny, if you're finished making little funnies about the First Couple's sex life, I do have actual WORK that I need to do." 

"Okay, okay, I can take a hint." 

**** 

"That's our boy," Abbey walked into Leo's office where he was watching Jed speak to the country. 

"If you're the one who whispered pardons in his ear it was the right thing." 

"I don't whisper, Leo. That's not how it works between us. My job is to make Jed as good a President as he is a man. I know what he can live with and what he can't. It's as simple and as complicated as that." 

"Oh." 

"And, I'm not going to sit back and judge anymore. I'm gonna jump in and get my hands dirty." 

The newly assertive First Lady took Leo a bit aback. Concentrating on her family, Abbey had been out of the arena for quite a long time wanting absolutely NOTHING to do with politics, but it looked like she was back. He knew she expected him to be discomforted but the truth was that he wasn't. Jed needed his strong partner at his side and while she might cause problems politically at times, he was glad to see the "old" Abbey coming back to life. 

"We could use the help," he stated simply. "But, what brought the change of heart?" 

"I've got a new lease on life, Leo. I've learned a lot about myself, about my husband and about my marriage. You know it's really easy to sit back and judge somebody when they are the ones making the tough decisions. It's much harder to weigh in on the matter and accept the consequences. For a long time now I've had to be worried about how everything I say or do reflects on Jed's Presidency. Not anymore, life is too short. If being in that trailer taught me anything, it was certainly that. I don't want to waste any of the time that we have here, I want to enjoy it, and I want to live my life to its fullest. I'm happy again, Leo." 

"I'm glad, Abbey. I'm really glad. So, does this newfound lease on life have anything to do with that new diamond ring you've been sporting?" 

With a smile of sheer delight, Abbey held out her hand to show off her new ring. "You like?" 

"I like." 

"Jed gave it to me on Valentine's Day. He proposed to me again. We're going to have a big vow renewal ceremony." 

"Oh, Abbey, that's wonderful." Leo leaned in to kiss her cheek. "Nobody deserves a little happiness more than the two of you." 

"Thank you. We've renewed our vows twice before – once at ten years and once at twenty – but it's always been a private ceremony with just Jed and myself and a priest. This time it's going to a whole nuptial service." 

"Do you have a date yet?" 

"The anniversary of our first wedding." 

"Have you decided where yet? A summer ceremony would perfect for the Rose Garden; it would be the biggest social event that Washington has seen since the inauguration. Senators, ambassadors, the..." 

"Leo," Jed entered the room carrying two ties. "Abbey doesn't want a big political wedding..." 

"Jed–" 

"And, I agree. This is personal, something that she and I want to share with our family and our friends – not an event for those who want to be seen or a power struggle for who gets invited." 

"I understand that," Leo smiled. "Of course you want it to be personal. But, you do know there are going to be a lot of disgruntled senators' wives." 

"Oh, all they'd want to do is come so they could make snide comments about my cleavage." Abbey wrinkled her nose. "I want people there who care about Jed and me, who will want to be a part of the ceremony not just using it as a social event." 

"So, have you decided where yet?" 

"I left that up to Abbey." 

"I've been debating back and forth between the farm and Windy Point. I love the idea of a summer out of doors wedding and both places would be beautiful. But, you know, I'm leaning more towards Maine. I can't think of anything more dramatic and romantic than getting married on a clifftop in Maine with surf breaking below us and the sun glittering on the deep blue sea." 

"I hate to burst your bubble, but even Mr. Fix-it here can't guarantee a sunny day." Leo gestured toward Jed. 

"Well, of course, we'll have a contingency plan." 

"Did you forget who you were talking to, Leo? The queen of anal retentiveness." 

"I am NOT anal retentive, Jed Bartlet. I am ORGANIZED. And, you know what, my beautiful absent-minded professor? My organizational skills have saved your cute little butt more than once." 

"Do tell," Leo was grinning now. 

"Never mind about that," Jed brushed him off and turned to Abbey. "I can't dress for this speech without you. Which one of these ties screams dominance?" 

Abbey surveyed the ties with narrowed eyes. "It depends. Do I get to wear it later?" 

Jed's eyes moved to Leo who was still grinning. "No comment." 

"No need to be embarrassed, love muffin," Abbey tweaked him under the chin. "After all, CJ basically just told the entire world that you got that black eye while we were doing the wild thing." 

"Okay, okay, you two," Leo held his hands up in surrender and the two laughed. 

"So, Leo, I haven't heard back from you about spending the weekend with us?" Abbey's pointed gaze turned from Jed to their friend. 

"I thought I'd give you a chance..." 

"To back out? We want to see you. We invited you. It's been ages since we've stayed up late arguing the proper sequence of hands in Shanghai rummy." 

"It's one set, one run, a run and a set. I thought you might want to reconsider. You might not have gotten your invitation yet." 

"Is this about Jenny's wedding?" 

"Yeah." 

"We got it," Jed said. "We aren't going." 

"You're old friends. Jenny would like it." 

"We plan on sending them something nice, don't we, Jed?" Abbey's voice was saccharine sweet. 

"Something for the kitchen, a juicer maybe." 

"Encourage Jeffrey to lose a few pounds." 

"Or his and her binoculars. They have these prism objects now." 

"Mmm..." Abbey pretended to mull over the idea. "I don't think Jeffrey actually goes outdoors. He's more of a Discovery Channel kind of birder." 

"That's probably better with his asthma. A nice book then. Something with large print, of course. Well, we'll think of something." 

A sweet smile crossed Leo's craggy face as he watched his friends banter back and forth subtly putting Jenny's fiancée down. He knew exactly what they were up to. They wanted him to spend the weekend with them to keep him occupied, keep him on the wagon and to buck up his spirit. And – well – he loved them for it. 

"You two are evil," he grinned. 

"We've always loved Jenny," Jed said. 

"But, you're the one we want to spend the weekend with." 

Leo was very touched that those words had come from Abbey. He knew she had made her peace with him over Shareef, but it was still nice to know that she wasn't carrying a grudge. "Then I'll be there." 

"Good," Abbey handed him a cup of tea. "To unions," she gazed down at the sparkling diamonds on her ring finger then up at the two men before her, "all states of it." 

**** 

Later that evening when Jed came out of the bathroom after his nightly ablutions, his eyes widened at the sight of his wife kneeling in the middle of their big bed completely nude save for the tie he had just discarded before going into the bathroom. She wore it loosely around her neck and it fell right between her breasts. 

"So, what do you think?" she asked with a come-hither look. "Does this tie scream dominance?" 

Jed swallowed tightly and moved closer to the bed. He reached out to grab the tie and pulled her closer to the edge where he could press up against her. 

"I think it looks a hell of a lot better on you than it did on me." He pressed his lips to hers hard and forcefully, but as he started to push her down onto her back, she pushed back against his chest. 

"Wait a minute here, I'm the one wearing the dominant tie." She spun him around and pushed him onto HIS back straddling his hips and rubbing her core against his already tightening groin. "I'm supposed to be in control." 

"Whatever you say, babe. Whatever you say," Jed groaned, shoving his hips upward against her. "Just go easy on me. I'm not sure I could explain away any more bruises." 

"Well, then, I'll have to put them where nobody but me will see them." With a wicked sultry laugh, Abbey bent her head and proceeded to pull the skin near her husband's nipple into her mouth suckling intently to leave little red love bites in places that would leave no need for explanations at all. 

**** 

It was early morning when Ellie Bartlet made her way down the hall of the Residence in desperate need of her mother's shoulder to cry on. She knew her parents were not in the bedroom when she didn't see the Secret Service standing outside the door. She started to move to the kitchen but hearing peals of laughter coming from the nursery, she changed her direction. 

"Ellie! Ellie!" Still in their pajamas, Aislinn and Nicholas pounced on their older sister. 

"Hi, kiddos." Ellie couldn't help smiling at their joyful enthusiasm at seeing her. 

"Did you come to pay with us?" Aislinn asked. 

"Actually I came to see Mom, but it's nice to see you too." Ellie surveyed the room. "Where is she?" 

"Mommy say she late. She eated bweakfast and went to essersize." 

Ellie flashed a puzzled look at Isabelle. 

"Mrs. Bartlet overslept this morning," Izzy said, while she laid out clothes on the twins' beds. "She usually likes to work out before breakfast but she had to go after today." 

"Oh. So, she's down in the gym?" 

"I believe so." 

"Okay, guys." Ellie squatted before her toddler siblings. "I'm going to talk to Mom, but I'll come back to see you before I leave. Maybe we can play a game of _Candyland_." 

"Yay!" 

**** 

Ellie found her mother in the White House Gym. Loud upbeat music filled the room. Abbey had obviously just finished her workout as she was sitting on a mat doing stretches, bending her face to touch her knees. Strands of hair fell from her ponytail to curl against her sweaty face. She wore a black and white Nike sports bra that left her flat midriff bare and tight black spandex bicycle shorts that revealed her extremely fit body. 

"I wish I was in as good a shape as you," Ellie said entering the room. 

"Ellie." A warm smile crossed Abbey's face. Unlike Zoey, it was rare for her middle daughter to simply pop in unannounced. But her smile faded when she saw the tightness in Ellie's face, the pain in her eyes. She got to her feet and started to approach her. "What's wrong?" 

"What makes you think something is wrong?" 

"Because I know this face as well as I know my own." She reached out a finger to trace it over Ellie's cheek. 

Tears welled in Ellie's eyes. When she was a child she had believed her mother was a combination fairy godmother and superwoman. She always knew how to fix things, always had all the answers and a hug and kiss could heal any pain. She needed that now. Desperately needed it. "I broke up with Sam." The words were whispered but the pain in them no less for that. 

"Oh, honey." Abbey opened her arms and Ellie fell into them sobbing as she had when she was a child. Sometimes she wasn't sure if she could actually bear the pain of being away from a man that she had come to love more than any before him. Abbey drew her down to the mat and they sat with their backs against the wall while she let Ellie cry it out. Only when her sobs had subsided did she question her. "What happened? I thought everything was going so well for you." 

"It was...until Valentine's Day...until the world found out about us." Her words were tinged with a bitterness that surprised Abbey, as it wasn't natural for Ellie. 

"You had to know that you couldn't keep the relationship a secret. Sam is a public figure and as much as you wish it wasn't so, so are you." 

"I know, it's just..." Ellie's eyes fell to the floor. 

"What, baby?" Abbey smoothed Ellie's blond hair back off her face. 

"I didn't expect to CARE this much. I didn't expect to fall in love with him." 

"You love him?" 

Ellie nodded. "I've thought that I was in love before, Mom. But those feelings were nothing compared to how I feel about Sam. He's just...everything I could want in a man. He's so intelligent. I mean we have these amazing discussions. We can just talk for HOURS. And, he makes me laugh. I know I can be too serious sometimes, but Sam has reminded me how to just have FUN and not take life so seriously. And, he's sweet and charming and considerate and so good looking, I sometimes melt just looking at him and...Why are you smiling at me like that?" 

"Two reasons. First of all, you sound like me when I was describing how I felt when I fell in love with your father and second, I'm trying to figure out where the problem is." 

"It's not in my FEELINGS for him. It's just...I can't do it, Mom. I hate being hounded by the press; I hate being on public display. I'm not like you. I can't toss off quips to the press and shrug it off when the world is speculating about my sex life or David Letterman is making Top Ten lists of what Jed and Abbey Bartlet were doing in bed that caused that black eye that he has." 

"You think I like it? I don't. I never have. But, you learn to live with it, honey. When you love someone as much as I love your father, you learn to take the bad along with good; and in the long run, Ellie, the good outweighs the bad by a HUGE margin. Nothing in life is perfect and it never will be. If you're waiting for that you will never find it." 

"I can't be the kind of woman Sam needs." 

"Don't you think you might want to let him decide that?" 

"He can't see it now, but this whole thing with Valentine's Day made me realize that I am just not cut out to be a Congressman's girlfriend. I don't want everything I do to be in the newspapers. It's hard enough keeping a low profile with Dad being President but dating Sam...well, I was just playing with fire and the thing is, I KNEW it, Mom. I knew right from the start I shouldn't get involved with him." 

"Why did you then?" 

"I don't know. It was like I couldn't help myself. I felt this incredible pull to him." 

"Like you were meant to be together, like you'd found your soulmate." 

"Yeah. How did you know?" 

"Oh, my sweet baby girl, I've been right where you are right now." 

"But it wasn't such a mess with you and Daddy." 

"Maybe not in the same way, but it wasn't perfection by any means. I fell in love with your father and after being with him for just under three months, I had to be separated from him for three months. And then, when I realized that I was head over heels, irrevocably in LOVE with him and that there wasn't any way that I couldn't spend the rest of my life with him, I had some tough decisions to make. Harvard Med. had been my dream since I was ten years old; I was going to follow in your grandfather's footsteps. But when I decided to marry your Dad, I had to decide what was more important – him or medical school." 

"And you chose him?" 

"Every time. But I also chose to put my trust in him and believe him when he said that once he had his Ph.D., it would be my turn. I had women telling me that I was a fool, that once he had his degree he'd expect me to spend the rest of my life in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant playing the perfect University professor's wife. I had them telling me stories of women who worked to get their husbands through school and ten years down the road they dumped them for a younger more vacuous model." 

"That's horrible. Daddy never would have backed out on his word to you. Sometimes I think he's more proud of your accomplishments than he is of his own." 

"Exactly. I KNEW your father. I knew his heart and I trusted that he would never do that to me and my faith in him was rewarded tenfold. Without your dad's support and help with Elizabeth, I never would have made it through medical school." 

"So, what are you trying to tell me?" 

"That nothing is perfect. That life is short and sometimes we just have to take a chance and leap into the unknown. It's never a bad thing to take a chance on love and to trust your heart. That if you are hurting this badly, you obviously love Sam very much and that only you can decide whether the love you feel for him is strong enough to outweigh the negative aspects of his career." 

"You think I was wrong to break up with him." 

"I can't tell you that, Els. Only you know how strong your feelings are both ways. I'm just telling you that I took that leap of faith once. I followed my heart right into your father's arms and there has never been a day that I have regretted that decision." 

> _I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance_  
>  Never settle for the path of least resistance   
> Living might mean taking chances, but they're worth taking   
> Loving might be a mistake but it's worth making   
> Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter   
> When you come close to selling out, reconsider   
> Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance   
> And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance 
> 
> I hope you dance (time is a wheel in constant motion always)   
> I hope you dance (rolling us along)   
> I hope you dance (tell me who wants to look back on their youth and wonder)   
> I hope you dance (where those years have gone)   
>    ( _I Hope You Dance_ by Leann Womack)


	14. Time to Heal, A

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Bartlet, there is no way that I can guarantee your safety at the Washington Free Clinic." There was real regret in Ron Butterfield's eyes as he spoke. He liked, admired and respected the First Lady and he knew how much she valued her independence. He hated the chains he quite often had to put on her and the rest of the First Family. 

Abbey's eyes flew to Jed's. "Well, I guess that's it," he said and started to get to his feet. 

Abbey felt a quick stab of panic. That couldn't be "it". "Wait a minute," she halted both men as they stood. "Ron, we're heading out for Port Harmony this afternoon. Can you guarantee our safety?" 

"Excuse me?" 

"Can you absolutely guarantee our safety?" 

"Well..." Ron shifted with discomfort. "I can assure you that all precautions have and are being taken as they are whenever you leave the White House." 

"But you can't guarantee it, can you?" 

"No, Ma'am," he sighed. "There are no guarantees." 

"Then me working at the clinic isn't any different, is it?" 

"I guess it isn't other than the fact that there are more chances with you being out there three or four times a week and it is in very bad part of the city." 

"Are you telling me that the United States Secret Service doesn't think they can keep me safe in an American city in 2004?" 

"No, Ma'am, I believe we can keep you safe." 

"You just can't guarantee it." 

"Abbey," Jed protested. 

"That's right." 

"Well, that's it then. I will be volunteering at the clinic and I will go along with whatever precautions you need to protect me." 

"Like encase you in a bulletproof bubble," Jed grumbled. 

Abbey's narrowed eyes turned on him. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?" 

"Damn straight I would." 

"And you don't think I'd like to see you in bulletproof bubble every time you approach a rope line? Do you know how many times I have flashbacks to that damn night and the horror of hearing those gunshots and the screams and watching you fall to your knees your shirt soaked with blood? But we can't live like that, Jed. You're the one who told me that. We can't live encased in a bulletproof bubble." 

Jed sighed, "I hate it when you throw my own words back at me." 

"I know you do. But, you know I'm right." 

"Yeah, I know you're right. But that doesn't make it any easier." He turned to Ron. "Do whatever you have to do to keep her safe." 

"Yes, sir. Now, about this graveyard shift, the 11-7?" 

"It's once a week, Ron." 

"I don't like it. You won't be vaccinating toddlers and dealing with fevers and stomachaches at 2 a.m....2 a.m. brings in the junkies OD'ing. It brings in the gang members dying of gunshot wounds and the prostitutes who have been stabbed. It brings in the stinking winos that were found drowning in their own vomit and the beaten downtrodden victims of domestic violence. It brings in the horribly violated rape victims and the crazy homeless people who have gone off their meds." 

"You mean people who might actually NEED medical attention?" Abbey's green eyes were like a laser on Ron Butterfield. "Are you trying to scare me, Ron? Because if you are, it's not working. I know there is a big bad world out there." 

"I'm trying to show you the reality of things. I'm not saying that you don't know about the underbelly of America, but you live in a beautiful colonial home on a secluded farm in a fairly rural state with a very low crime rate. You work in a big city, but by the time your patients come to you, they are cleaned up and prepped and ready for surgery. I'm not sure if you really understand what you are walking into at that clinic. I'm not sure that we are adequately prepared to deal with what might go on there on a nightly basis." 

"Okay, so the graveyard shift worries you?" A hint of a sarcastic smile touched Abbey's lips. 

"Yes, Ma'am." 

"Well, I'm not trying to be unreasonable here, Ron. I'm ready to make whatever compromises I might need to make. I'm a volunteer and they're understaffed. I'm sure I can pretty much write out my schedule for them. How about you make sure I'll be safe working a day shift and one night a week. I'll do a 3-11. That way it won't look like Dan is playing favorites. Will that work for you?" 

"I'd rather you didn't do any shifts there, but yes, Ma'am, that does sound like an adequate compromise." 

"Good then, it's settled." She gave Ron a warm smile and got to her feet. "Thank you, Ron." 

Ron nodded and headed toward the door. 

"Amazing how such a small woman can bulldoze you, isn't it?" Jed asked him with a grin. 

"She does know how to get her way. She would have made a good lawyer." 

"Or a politician," Jed laughed. But, as they approached the doorway, a serious steelier demeanor took him over. He stopped to look back at Abbey who had turned her attention to packing the kids coloring books. She looked so small, so refined, that just the thought of her in the scenarios Ron had listed... working amidst the crackheads and gang members and prostitutes chilled him to the very bone. 

"You do whatever it takes, Ron. I don't care how many agents you need. I don't care if you need to set up snipers on every building in that block and have an agent attached to Abbey's hip. You keep her safe." 

"Yes, Sir. We will do our absolute best." 

"I'm going to hold you to that, Ron." 

"Yes, Sir." 

**** 

"Mmm...Something smells absolutely delicious in here." Leo entered the Port Harmony kitchen where Abbey was cooking up some heavenly concoction that smelled of sautéing garlic. He moved his way over to the counter checking out the large fresh chunks of lobster meat, succulent big gulf shrimp and juicy scallops that she had draining in colanders. 

"Seafood Alfredo," she told him, as she chopped the shallots to go in the cheese sauce. "And a salad with my own lemon poppyseed vinaigrette and asiago cheese garlic bread. Dessert is a surprise." 

"Oh, Abbey, you sure do know the way to a man's heart." 

Abbey gave him a saucy wink and turned back to the pile of hamburger that lay on the cutting board. A puzzled frown crossed Leo's face as he watched her drop broccoli and carrots into a food processor then add the finely chopped vegetables to the hamburger meat. 

"Uh, Abbey, what exactly are you doing to those burgers?" he asked. 

"There's more than one way to skin a cat, Leo. Or in this case more than one way to get vitamins and nutrients into my children. I'm making burgers to go with the kids noodles tonight, but there is no way they'll eat the salad and they don't like broccoli. So this way, they get the vitamins and nutrients from vegetables they don't even know are in their food." 

"You are a crafty one. They won't be able to tell?" 

"Ask Jed. He loves my burgers." 

"You've been slipping broccoli into his burgers?" 

"For years," she grinned. "He's never noticed and neither do any of the kids." 

"Never noticed what," Jed asked, as he strode across the room and stuck his head in the refrigerator to pull out a bottle of Perrier, a Corona and a Sam Adams. 

"That it's almost time to get the kids washed up for supper." 

"I'll bring them to the bathroom in a minute." He popped a lime into the Corona and handed it to Abbey then turned to give the bottle of Perrier to Leo and took a quick swig of his Sam Adams while Leo mouthed "Good save" over his head toward Abbey. But, before Abbey could respond, Jed had turned up the volume on the radio and had pulled her into his arms swinging her around on the kitchen floor singing loudly along with Frankie Valli. 

" _You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off of you. You'd be like heaven to touch. I wanna hold you so much. At long last love has arrived and I thank God I'm alive. You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off of you._ " 

"Jed!" Abbey shrieked with laughter as her husband spun her around the kitchen table and out onto the open floor. 

" _Pardon the way that I stare. There's nothing else to compare. The sight of you leaves me weak. There are no words left to speak. But if you feel like I feel. Please let me know that it's real. You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off you._ " 

Hips gyrating together in tandem, Jed expertly spun Abbey in his arms, twirling her away from him then pulling her back in; and Leo remarked to himself yet again, at how well they moved together, anticipating each other's moves, heads thrown back laughing at the sheer joy of being together. 

"Come on, Leo, help out with the big finish." Jed leaned back to face Leo who was grinning as he watched them dance and wondering how long it had been since he'd laughed like this or just been a part of anything silly, irreverent and fun. 

_"I––- LOVE–– YOU––BABY..._ " All three sang lustily. " _And if it's quite all right, I need you baby to warm the lonely night. I love you baby. Trust in me when I say. Oh pretty baby, don't bring me down, I pray. Oh pretty baby, now that I found you. Stay. And let me love you, baby. Let me love you–_ " 

"Daddy, dance with me too!" At the sound of Abbey, Jed and Leo singing, the twins had stopped coloring in their books and moved to where the action was. Jed bent and swooped Aislinn into his arms crooning to her just as Abbey lifted Nicholas... 

" _You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off of you..._ " 

Giggling, the twins were spun around the room in their parents arms until the sizzling of water splashing on the burner interrupted them. 

"Damn!" Abbey thrust Nicholas into Jed's arms and quickly stepped to the stove to remove the pan whose water was boiling over and remove from the burner. 

"Damn, Damn...Mommy said a bad word." Aislinn shook her head at her father. Jed bit his lip to keep from laughing, watching as Abbey stopped wiping water from the stove and turned to look at her daughter. 

"I may have said a bad word, little miss, but that doesn't mean you have to repeat it." 

"What's 'peat it?" 

"It means you don't have to say the same word again." Jed's eyes twinkled with humor. It was nice to see Abbey getting caught this time since it was usually him. "So what should we do, kids? Think we should wash her mouth out with soap?" 

"NO!" Nicky, who had had his mouth dabbed with dish detergent on more than one occasion, stuck up for his mother. "Soap is YUCKY. Don't put soap in Mumma's mouth." 

"Well, we have to do something. We can't let something like this slide or she'll never learn." 

Leo sat back, his shoulders shaking with repressed laughter at the "just you wait" look in Abbey's eyes. 

Nicholas surveyed his mother solemnly trying to think of a suitable punishment. "Mumma, you say you sorry you said da bad word." 

Abbey's eyes were now twinkling with humor as well, but she tried to be as contrite as possible. "I'm sorry I said a bad word." 

"Daddy, you say I forgib you," Aislinn prodded him. Both children knew the Bartlet punishment routine. 

"Okay. I forgive you, but you really need to watch that sassy little mouth of yours. It really could get you into...Oww..." Jed's brow wrinkled with pain at the pressure that Abbey's foot was applying to his toes. 

"Daddy, why you say 'ow'?" Aislinn asked. 

"I'm not sure if your mother realizes it or not but she is stepping on my toes." 

"Am I?" Abbey feigned innocence. "I'm sorry I had no idea." She stepped back. 

Nicholas tapped Jed on the cheek. 

"What?" Jed asked. 

"You fugutted. Mumma said she's sowwy. You gots to kiss her now." 

"Oh, yeah, how could I have forgotten? That's the best part." Jed moved forward completely ignoring the cheek that Abbey offered up to him and instead turned her chin so that his lips touched hers. Abbey gave a quick start at the feel of his tongue slipping between her lips to sweep her mouth, but before she could protest, he had backed away with a cocky grin. 

"Better than soap, isn't it?" 

"Jed," Abbey quickly worked to regain her composure. "Bring the kids to wash up for supper, please." 

"Yes, ma'am." He was still grinning as he turned to leave the kitchen. 

"I'll give you a hand." Leo followed Jed and the kids down the hall. 

"Uncle Leo, my daddy gots a boo boo." Nicholas gently tapped on the fading bruise that discolored Jed's eye. 

"I see that. Got himself a black eye, did he?" 

"He falled out of bed and hit his head," Aislinn informed him. Then her face scrunched up with a puzzled frown. "You gots a big bed, Daddy. How you fall out?" 

"Well...um...I...uh..." 

"Did Mumma push you out?" Nicholas asked. "Azlin pushes me sometimes when we gots to sleep togedder." 

"Well, um, you might say that." Jed's eyes found Leo's and the two shared an amused look. 

"You gots to tell her to be careful and not push you." 

"I'll have to remember to that." 

"You really going to ask Abbey to be careful about pushing you around in bed?" Leo whispered while he watched the kids wash their hands. 

"Not on your life, Leo," Jed grinned. "Not on your life." 

**** 

"Jed, did you eat one of my Oreos?" Abbey, Jed and Leo were seated at the dining room table playing cards. 

"I most certainly did NOT." 

"Jed, do not lie to me. Those cookies are supposed to keep track of our 'buys'. If you ate mine, you stole my buy and that is cheating." 

"Are you accusing me of cheating, Abigail?" 

"I'm accusing you of not being able to keep your hands off my cookies." 

"Well, I admit that can be a problem." His lips twitched with amusement as his eyes centered on her chest. 

Abbey leaned over abruptly and taking Jed by surprise, she kissed him, only this time it was HER tongue that swept his mouth. Then she leaned back arms crossed over her breasts. "Just as I suspected. You taste like Oreo cookies!" 

"That's entrapment!" 

"No, that's knowing YOU. And knowing better than to let you use cookies to keep track of our buys." 

"Okay, okay, you two. Take to your corners," Leo placated them both. "You ready for me to deal." 

"I have a better idea. Since Jed here is obviously ready for something sweet, how about we take a quick break and have dessert." 

"Oh, Abbey, you stuffed me with that Alfredo." Leo leaned back patting his stomach. He couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten so much food. 

"Oh, I think when you see what it is you'll find the room" 

"I have room." Jed told her. 

"I honestly didn't think that would be a problem." 

Leo laughed as Abbey left the room. Jed did have a notorious sweet tooth. 

In the kitchen, Abbey stood at the stove to make the finishing preparations on her dessert. She melted butter and added brown sugar until it was a creamy paste and then when it had caramelized, she separated the mixture into a non-alcoholic version of the dessert to which she added banana flavor and in the one for her and Jed, she stirred in some banana liqueur. Lastly, she added fresh cut bananas to both mixtures then poured them onto the thin crepes she had made earlier and were now laying on a plate. To Jed's plate, she poured a bit of dark rum then touched it with the flame of a match so that she was able to enter the dining room with a flaming dessert worthy of any four star restaurant. 

"Bananas Foster! My favorite!" Leo inhaled deeply. It was rare that he got the dessert because it was so often made with alcohol. That Abbey had taken the time to make his favorite dessert and alter the recipe so that he could eat it touched him deeply. "Thank you, Abbey. This was really thoughtful." 

"You're welcome." Abbey flashed him an affectionate smile, then turned her attention to Jed's plate sprinkling cinnamon into the burning flame on his food creating orange sparks that snapped and crackled. 

"Mommy, are you MAGIC?" 

All three adults turned to look at the little girl who was standing in the doorway in her nightgown carrying her blankie and her doll. Her blue-green eyes were wide with awe, her voice breathless with wonder. 

"No, honey, I'm not magic," Abbey smiled. "It's a special kind of dessert. Now, what are you doing out of bed, young lady?" 

"I needs some water." 

"You already had water." 

"I needs more. Lissy is tirsty." 

"Oh it's Lissy who wants the water?" Abbey looked down at the little doll in her daughter's arms. Ever since Jed had brought her to the farm on his first visit in the fall, Lissy did not leave Aislinn's arms for long. 

"Uh-huh," Aislinn nodded. 

"Well, Lissy can have a couple of sips but that's it, then you need to stay in bed." 

"Okay, Mommy." 

"Jed, can you grab the vanilla ice cream and add it to the desserts while I get her water?" 

"Always willing to help out with dessert." 

**** 

It was close to four a.m. when Jed woke with the need to use the bathroom. As he always did when he woke in the night, he made a sleepy few steps down the hall to peak in on the twins and make sure all was well. He rearranged stuffed animals, fixed blankets and smoothed hair back before turning to go back to bed. It was then that he noticed the light under the door to the guestroom and made his way over knocking lightly. 

"Leo?" He pushed open the door and for one brief heart-stopping moment he panicked. Leo sat in the easy chair with a glass of clear liquid in his hand and a file on his lap. Leo saw where Jed's gaze lay. 

"It's club soda." 

Jed nodded trying to be nonchalant but relief flooded him. "You better not let Abbey see that you brought any work here for the weekend. She'll have your head on a platter. You're supposed to be relaxing." 

"Can't take the doctor out of her, can you?" 

"No, nor would I want to." Jed's eyes turned sad for a moment, but there would be time enough to discuss Abbey's plans tomorrow. "So, what's up? It's four a.m. why aren't you asleep?" He and Abbey had kept Leo playing cards until close to two hoping to wear him out so that he would fall right to sleep. 

"I don't know. I guess I just couldn't sleep." 

"Thinking about Jenny?" 

"Some...Thinking about the good times and...the not so good times. She deserved a lot more than I gave her, Jed." 

"Leo, you did your best." 

"During the good times. During the bad times...well, I didn't do my best at anything." 

"You can't dwell on that. You put that Leo behind you. You aren't that person anymore." 

"And that's why I can never put that Leo behind me. He's still there inside me, Jed, just waiting for a slip up. One drink, that's all it would take. And that's why I have to remember those times, remember how bad that it was, so that I keep THAT Leo from ever taking me over again." 

"Is there a danger of that? Do you have the urge to drink?" 

"I have the urge to drink damn near every day. Today is no different." 

"Are you angry with Jenny?" 

"No. I'm not angry with her. I guess I'm just sad. Sad that I wasn't a better husband to her when I had the chance. Sad that I wasn't a better father. Sad that, in the end, we just didn't love each other enough to make it." 

Jed nodded. "I always felt terrible that it was because of your job that Jenny left you. The job that I gave you. You know I actually thought about firing you so that you'd be forced to make things up with her." 

Leo's eyes widened. That was news to him. "What stopped you?" 

"Abbey. She said that if I had to fire you to make you set things right with Jenny then perhaps you didn't want her back. That you had a choice to make and you made it." 

"Abbey's a very bright woman." 

"She also said that if someone had to fire me just so I'd try to work things out with her, she wouldn't want me. That if it wasn't a free choice, if it wasn't coming from the heart, then it didn't mean a damn." 

"Like I said. She's a smart woman. And she was right. It was a job that I accepted knowing full well what I was getting into. And really, it wasn't just the job, Jed. That was just the straw that broke the camel's back. We'd had years of problems before that. I had too many addictions. Of course you know, the alcohol and the drugs, but in the end it was my addiction to work that did me in. That's the one addiction that I couldn't cure. I never learned how to juggle the way that you did. I never learned how to prioritize. My work always came first. I look at you and Abbey and the kids and you've always been able to balance everything." 

"It wasn't always easy. There were times when we were off balance. There still are." 

"But it always evened out. It never evened out for Jenny. You and Abbey were a team, equal partners in the lead. I took the lead and I left Jenny behind. And in the end, I didn't love her enough to fight for her. I never loved her enough. Not the way that you love Abbey. You think I don't notice the three to four phone calls a day when you aren't together. The way you wander around the West Wing at loose ends until all hours of the night when she's away. You think I don't notice how much better you are when she's at your side. Why the hell do you think I called her when you were shutting down the government? Because I knew that she was the only one who could get through to you." 

"She is my other half, Leo." 

"And I want Jenny to have that. I have my regrets, but I don't love her anymore – not the way that a man loves his wife. But I do love her for the memories and as the mother of my daughter. She will always have a special place in my heart and I want her to be happy." 

"I do too. And, I want you to be happy, Leo." 

"Oh, God, now you're sounding like Abbey. You aren't going to try to set me up with another woman, are you?" 

"That was Abbey, not me. I don't play matchmaker." 

"Good, because I am happy enough as it is. I have my work and I have good friends like you and Abbey." 

"But is that enough?" Jed mumbled. 

"What did you say?" 

"Nothing, Leo, I'm going back to bed." But the wheels were turning in Jed's head. If Jenny could find newfound happiness, Abbey was right, why couldn't Leo? Now it was just a matter of finding the right woman. 

**** 

Leo couldn't believe it when he opened his eyes to see the clock reading 8:30. He couldn't remember the last time he'd slept past 6 a.m. Quickly he slipped into his bathrobe and followed voices down into the kitchen. He smiled at the warm scene before him. Abbey was in a midnight blue silk bathrobe, her hair tumbling over her shoulders in sleep tousled curls. She was standing at the sink rinsing a container of blueberries. Nicholas and Aislinn, still in their pajamas, were sitting on the floor in front of the refrigerator playing with their colorful assortment of alphabet magnets. He turned for a moment, not seeing Jed in the room, and by the time looked back, he saw that Nicholas had gone down on all fours on a stepstool and Aislinn was climbing up to stand on his back so that she could get a magnet that was out of their reach. He saw the little girl start to teeter at the same time as Abbey. 

"Don't move you two!" There was a hint of panic in Abbey's tone but before she could make more than one step toward them, Nicholas moved even more causing Aislinn to slip from his back. She banged her forehead against the refrigerator and fell with a thud to the floor. A loud shriek filled the room. 

"Okay, Okay..." Abbey picked her daughter up off the floor tucking the little girl's head into the crook of her neck. 

"I sowwy, Mumma...I sowwy..." Nicky's own eyes began to water at his sister's tears and the fear that he might be in trouble. 

"I know, Nicholas. It's okay. What on earth were you doing?" 

"We want da lellow MAGNET," Aislinn wailed. 

"The what?" 

"She was trying to reach that yellow magnet," Leo said. 

"Oh, good morning, Leo." She finally noticed him standing before her. "Never a dull moment in this house, is there?" 

"I guess not. Where's Jed?" 

"On a call. He shouldn't be too long." 

"Mumma, I gots to go pee pee." Nicholas started dancing in front of his mother. 

"Oh, Nicky, can you hold it for just a couple of minutes while I calm Ash down?" 

"I CAAAN'T, Mumma. I gots to GO!" 

"I'll take him to the bathroom. Is she okay?" 

Abbey nodded while examining her daughter's forehead. Aislinn's shrieks had already turned to hiccuping sniffles. "Looks like the fall scared her more than anything. Oh, and he won't go in the potty. He likes to go where Daddy goes. There's step stool in there." 

"Let's GO!" Nicholas grabbed Leo's hand and dragged him down the hall. In the bathroom, Leo watched the little boy methodically pull a small plastic step stool in front of the toilet and then grab a handful of something out of a potpourri jar. Leo's eyes widened when he saw that they were Cheerios and that he was tossing them into the toilet. 

"Why are you throwing cereal in the toilet, Nick?" 

"It's my targets." Nicholas struggled to slide his PJ bottoms and his pull-up down with Leo's help. "I gots to hit da targets, 'cause Mommy don't like pee pee on da toilet or da floor." 

Leo grinned as he watched the little boy take out the "targets". 

"One time I pee peed on Panda. Daddy laughed, but Mumma say 'Dat's not funny, Jed!' Me and Daddy had to give her a baf." 

"Your mother?" Leo deadpanned. 

"No." Nicky giggled, as he leaned forward to flush the toilet then pulled the toilet seat back down with a bang. "PANDA!" 

"Good job, you even remembered the toilet seat." 

"Daddy say I has to member to put it down 'cause Mommy and Azlin gots to sit down when dey go pee and dey don't want to falls in da toilet." 

"Sounds like you know all the rules." 

Nicholas pulled the step stool over to the sink and leaned over to wash his hands. "Mumma gots lots of wules." 

"I bet she does," Leo laughed. "Moms are like that." 

By the time they returned to the kitchen, Jed was back sitting at the kitchen table cuddling Aislinn on his lap, her little cheek buried into his chest, her blond curls hiding her face. 

"How'd you boys make out?" Abbey asked. 

"I got potty etiquette 101," Leo grinned, ruffling Nicky's blond head. "And now I know why there were Cheerios in the bathroom of the Oval Office." 

"I told you they were for the kids," Jed said. 

"I thought you meant for a snack." 

Jed chuckled and turned his attention to his son. "Did you keep it in the toilet?" 

"Uh huh," Nicky nodded. 

"Did you remember to flush?" 

"Uh huh." 

"Did you put the seat down when you were finished?" 

"Uh huh." 

"Did you wash your hands?" 

"Uh huh." 

"Well, all right then." Jed put his hand out for his son to slap him five. "Looks like we need to put another star on your potty chart." 

"I do it! I do it!" 

Abbey handed him a little blue star sticker and Nicholas placed it on a chart that hung on the bottom of the refrigerator, low enough for him and Aislinn to place their own stars. 

"Okay, then, if everyone's all set, let's hit the dining room. Breakfast is ready." 

Crepes filled with blueberries and whipped cream, eggs scrambled with green and red peppers, crispy slices of bacon and bowls of fresh pineapple and fresh cantaloupe lined the antique buffet very similar to the one at the Bartlet farmhouse. 

The twins were already in their booster seats eating, their faces smeared with blue juice and whipped cream, by the time the adults took their places. As Leo set his plate down, he accidentally knocked over his glass of fresh squeezed orange juice. 

"Oh, Abbey, I'm sorry." He immediately started dabbing at the spill with his napkin. 

"It's okay, Uncle Leo. I spill ALL da time," Nicholas assured him. "Mumma don't get mad. She say it's a aks...aks...." 

"Accident," Abbey smiled affectionately at her son. "Accidents happen all the time. No big deal." 

"Mommy says Nicky's uh askident waiting to happen," Aislinn informed their guest. 

Leo grinned as he sat at his place and started to eat his breakfast, warmth filling his chest as he watched the Bartlet family interact. It was all so natural so effortless. Jed automatically poured a dash of cream into Abbey's coffee and added a packet of Splenda. Abbey placed an extra piece of bacon from her plate between his lips before turning her attention to cutting the twins crepes into smaller pieces. Ignoring what their mother was doing, the children were intently dropping food to the dogs that lay beneath the table at their feet knowing exactly where their bread was buttered. And through it all, they chattered non-stop with each other and their parents. Leo realized with a jolt that he hadn't once thought about the fact that today was Jenny's wedding day. He'd been too caught up with business of family of being part of THIS family. The McGarrys had never had this kind of warmth and noise, not even when Mallory was little and still at home. Being with the Bartlets always brought home what he had missed, especially being in the presence of a woman... a warm, caring, nurturing woman who added all those soft feminine touches to a man's life the way that Abbey did for Jed. 

But even as he realized he missed it, he knew it wasn't something he would want on a daily basis anymore. He was getting older and getting set in his ways. He was used to being alone and the truth was most of the time he liked it that way. He liked not having to answer to anyone. But just because it wasn't something he would want to be a part of every day didn't mean that he wasn't thoroughly enjoying the time that he was spending with his best friends and their kids. His heart was filled with gratitude that he had such good friends who loved him enough to make him a part of their family. That finding out that he had more than just platonic feelings for Abbey had not completely destroyed his relationship with Jed, and that finding out that he was behind Abdul Shareef's assassination had not completely destroyed his relationship with Abbey. With Jenny getting remarried and Mallory living on the West Coast with her new boyfriend, Jed and Abbey and their brood were the only family he had left. 

**** 

Abbey cantered Aquinnah along the edge of the Chesapeake feeling the salty spray of water against her face and reveling in the freedom and power of the horse beneath her. After lunch she had put the twins down for a nap and left Jed and Leo playing chess. Neither had wanted to accompany her. Jed rode, but didn't particularly enjoy it, and Leo didn't like farm animals of any sort. That Jed had actually gotten him into the barn a time or two was actually quite amazing. 

So, she rode alone and that was something she quite enjoyed. It gave her time to unwind, time to think...And today she was thinking about Jenny and the fact that her good friend had just become the wife of another man – funny how she still thought of Jeffrey as the "other" man even though Jenny and Leo were divorced. 

She still wasn't sure how all that worked. After thirty plus years of living with and loving the same man, bearing his children, taking him inside your body, holding him and comforting him and knowing him as well as you knew yourself, how did you turn your back on that and walk away? How did a woman walk from one man's arms to another man's arms, from one man's bed to another man's bed? She wasn't naïve by any means, knew it happened every day, had happened to quite a few of her friends, but it was still hard for her to comprehend. Maybe if she and Jed weren't so close, weren't so in tune with each other she would have a better understanding. But the truth of the matter was that even at the very worst of times in their marriage, she had never once considered divorcing him, in fact just saying the word last fall had terrified her. She couldn't imagine another man out there who could compare to her Jed. Knew that there wasn't a man alive who could challenge her, interest her, exasperate her, touch her, make her laugh or make her cry the way that Jed could. And, there certainly was not a man alive who could make her bones melt with just a glance or her body sing with a single touch the way that Jed could. She couldn't imagine the weight of a man other than Jed between her thighs or arms other than Jed's holding her deep into the night so that she felt so safe and secure it was as if he could hold the world at bay. 

She wondered if it was still strange for Jenny to connect with another man at that level, to belong to another man heart and soul, to call him husband and to sleep in his arms. She didn't blame Jenny. Leo had put her through hell – his drinking and his work always more important than his marriage – but she also believed in the adage that "we teach people to treat us the way that they do." For years Abbey had urged Jenny to put her foot down... to stop enabling Leo's behavior, but not rocking the boat and putting on a good face to the world had been more important to Jenny than saving her marriage...saving her husband. Had the tables been turned, Abbey would have moved heaven and earth to make Jed see what he was doing to himself, their children and their marriage and to insure that he did not kill himself in a sea of drugs and booze. 

She wondered if Jenny felt any residual sadness for what she had left behind or if she had just written off all those years. She was left to wonder all of that because she had only spoken to Jenny briefly. Where once they had been very close, the divorce had caused a rift between them. As was often the case when a long married couple divorced their friends separated as well. They promised they wouldn't, would in fact try hard not too, but it couldn't be helped. It was only natural. And, for Jed and Abbey, it was Leo to whom they remained close. Leo who had their loyalty. Proximity had determined the closeness; love had determined the loyalty. 

In the beginning, Abbey had tried to keep up her friendship with Jenny, but she could see that it was hard on the other woman. Seeing Abbey was like being reminded of Leo all the time; and the fact that they were no longer Jed and Abbey, Leo and Jenny, the way they had been for so long. And, two years ago when everything had hit the fan and it had come out that while at Notre Dame Jenny had had a crush on Jed, it seemed like the closeness they had shared died a natural death. They sent Christmas cards and birthday cards, kept in touch, but it was not the way that it used to be and that was a big reason that Abbey didn't feel guilty about missing Jenny's wedding. 

By the time that Abbey returned to the house, she found Leo dozing in a big chair in front of the fireplace with Jed's New York Times crossword puzzle book lying across his chest. She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen Leo McGarry nap and tried to make as little noise as possible. However, the cold air that blew in when she opened the door already had him stirring. He opened his eyes and saw her standing before him in a pair of tight fitting black riding breeches with suede patches on the inner thighs and a heavy fishermen's sweater that hung loose over hips and dangled passed her wrists that he bet belonged to Jed. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail, little damp tendrils curling against her face and her cheeks were rosy from the wind and cold. He wasn't quite sure how it was that the rest of the world aged but Abbey Bartlet stayed her pretty, youthful looking self. 

"You smell like fresh salt air," he said. 

"I was riding by the Bay. The wind and Aquinnah's hoofs blew the spray up at me. I didn't mean to interrupt your nap." 

"Just resting my eyes," he assured her. 

Abbey took in the tired worn lines in his already craggy face. She'd been so busy with her and Jed's problems she hadn't noticed the changes in Leo. He looked exhausted, his skin pasty. "You need to do more of that." 

"More of what?" 

"Resting your eyes, relaxing, taking a weekend off. You're not superman, you know. You're only human. You need to eat and rest and sleep just like the rest of us." 

"Why do I think you've given this lecture before?" 

"Because I happen to be married to a man who has the same delusion of grandeur. By the way, where is he?" 

"The kids woke up from their nap. He went upstairs to get them. Don't worry, he'll be back down soon with the next 'keep Leo busy' activity." 

"Excuse me?" Abbey feigned ignorance. 

"I'm onto you, kiddo." Leo's grin was sweet, affectionate. "Playing cards until the middle of the night, watching something called _Blue's Clues_ with the twins, going down to the dock to pull up the crabpots so you could make crabcakes for lunch, watching the kids ride their ponies and playing chess with Jed while you went for your ride. You think I don't know what this is all about? What's supposed to be next?" 

"I'd have to consult my day planner but I believe it was Scrabble that was next on the agenda." Abbey's green eyes danced with mischief. 

"Abbey..." Leo rested his elbows on his knees. "I'm okay with everything, really. I mean as long as Mallory doesn't start calling him 'Daddy'." His smile turned wistful. 

Abbey had a feeling that what he'd said was as close to admitting that he felt anything other than indifference about his ex-wife's remarriage as she was going to hear from him. "You're the only Daddy in Mallory's life, Leo, you know that." She bent forward resting a hand on his wrist. "Are you sure you're okay? I'm sitting right here if you want to talk." 

Leo swallowed. It had been a long time since anyone had touched him with affection. It made him realize just how alone that he was. "I'm fine, Abbey, really. I'm not Jed." 

"What?" That took her by surprise. 

"If you had just become another man's wife, I think it might have sent him right off the deep end; but I'm not Jed and you're not Jenny." 

"No, you're right." 

"That man would do anything for you, Abbey, ANYTHING." 

Abbey's mind flashed to Jed jumping in front of her and getting stabbed to save her from Marcus Hughes' knife, of learning how he'd risk going to prison for treason to rescue her from the terrorists. "I know that, Leo, and I'd do anything for him." 

"I know that too. It's why I knew you'd come when I called. The others...they thought you were coming back out of duty. But, I knew better. There is no way that you'd let Jed down." 

"No, I wouldn't...Not ever. I'm glad you called me, Leo. I was too proud and too stubborn to come back on my own. You gave me an out." 

Leo stared for a long moment at the woman before him... not the Abbey he'd known for 32 years, not at her incredible beauty, but at the amazing woman that she had become. A woman who had managed to come through a terrifying ordeal remarkably whole, a true flesh and blood woman filled with strength, tempered by fear, made free by love. He knew it had not been easy for her to open up to him and admit that she too had been wrong. 

"Yeah, well I owe you." 

"No, you don't. I didn't do it for you. I did it for him. For us." 

"Well, I still feel I owe you. The Washington Free Clinic." 

"Ah...He told you about that?" 

"Yeah." 

"I need to do it, Leo. I love being Jed's First Lady – most of the time. It's been an incredible experience and opportunity, but I lost a part of me when I had to give up my career. We both did. You think Jed doesn't miss the one on one contact he's always had with people? You think he likes being held behind a rope line or to 'One minute only, Mr. President'? We've both sacrificed. But, I have a chance to make a difference, Leo, to be a doctor again and to bring some important issues to the front burner." 

"You want to play Eleanor Roosevelt?" 

"I've got no issues with Eleanor, but no. I don't want to play anyone. I want to BE Abigail Anne O'Neill Bartlet – ALL facets of her. Everyone in this administration, especially Jed, is working to create social change. This is just another way to go about things." 

"That's what I'm worried about," he grumbled with a grin. 

"You're afraid I'll mess up your agenda?" 

"You're a crusader, Abbey, just like Jed." He could picture her so easily standing on her soapbox green eyes flashing with indignation at the plight of the inner cities. "Yeah, I'm afraid you'll mess up our agenda." 

"Leo–" 

Leo held up a hand halting her protest. "But, I'm giving it to you without a fight." 

"You are?" Abbey was surprised. 

"I am. Yeah. Look, you're a member of the team; your voice deserves to be heard. But then we're even, right?" Leo held out his hand. 

Abbey looked down on his proffered hand a smile breaking out across her lovely face as she shook his hand. "Yeah, Leo, we're even." 


	15. Time to Heal, A

"So, you think it's okay for Abbey to go to work at the free clinic?" 

Sonia was Jed's last resort and he was using his and Abbey's last session as a couple to bring up the subject that still troubled him. 

"I can't speak for the Secret Service or security issues, but psychologically, yes. I think it's a very healthy thing for Abbey to do." 

"You do?" Realizing she sounded surprised, Abbey cleared her throat. "I mean, of course you do." 

Jed rolled his eyes at her but Abbey only stiffened her shoulders haughtily. 

Sonia watched the body language of husband and wife. 

"You don't think it's a healthy thing for Abbey to do, Jed?" 

"I don't know if it's healthy or not. I don't feel it's safe enough." 

"Jed," Abbey's frustration was quite apparent in the way she ground his name out between her teeth. "We've been through this all with Ron Butterfield. We worked out a compromise. You have to stop second guessing me." 

"I know, I know." Jed held his hands up in surrender then turned to Sonia. "What I want to know is why you think this will be healthy for Abbey?" 

"I think it's going to give her a sense of control. One of the things that happened when Abbey was taken, held against her will, forced to do things that were abhorrent to her, was a sense that she had lost control over her life. One of the reasons why she left the White House was a desperate attempt to regain that control. Back home, at your farm, she called the shots. There were no advisors, no staff members, and no press, not anybody who expected anything from her other than her children who just expected her to be mom. And, mom was always in control. She got up when she wanted, ate when she wanted, did what she wanted, and had a sense of freedom she couldn't have at the White House." 

Jed turned to her. "Is that true, Abbey?" 

Abbey nodded. "I told you I had to get away from it all – the staff, the press, the advisors." 

"I know. I guess I just didn't realize that you felt so out of control." 

"I don't think I even knew that was how I was feeling. All I knew was that I had to get away from everyone and everything that reminded me of what happened." 

"But getting away didn't help, did it, Abbey?" Sonia prodded. 

"No, things just got more and more out of control. The tighter I held on, the more I felt my world spinning out of control." 

"And now you understand why." 

"Because I held on TOO tight. I held it all inside and I didn't let anyone help me. I shut everyone out, especially Jed." 

"And do you feel back in control?" 

"I feel better than I did before and there are times that I feel in control, but I haven't really felt like I was in control since before we moved into the White House. I mean that's the nature of the job. I can't just go off and do what I want. I have duties, air tight schedules and Secret Service. That's just the way it is now." 

"Other than at the farm, where did you most feel in control Abbey?" 

Abbey didn't have to think long. "When I was at the hospital." 

"Why?" 

"I know what I'm doing there. I'm the competent one. I'm the one people look to for answers. I'm the one that solves the puzzles, and I'm the one that helps people. I'm in control." 

"And I think that it will be good for you to feel that again. To feel that there is a part of your life that you do have control over." 

"Jed," Abbey turned to him. "You're awfully quiet." 

"I guess I'm just processing all of this. I mean I know we've both bitched and griped about the regimentation of the job, the lack of privacy, the loss of spontaneity. I guess I just never saw it as a loss of control before." 

"That's because you have it," Abbey said. "Most of the time you are the one with the ultimate control. You are the leader of the free world. Sure there are times that control is taken from you, times when you have to do things that you don't want to do, but most of the time you are in control. You say jump and the rest of the world says 'how high'." 

Jed nodded. "You're right. I didn't think about what losing that might mean for you. I want you to work in the clinic, Abbey. I want you to find that part of yourself again. I just...Well..." he blustered, "...I just want you to be careful." 

"I will." She smiled and reached out to take his hand. 

"Well, okay, then. Since this is your last 'couple' session, I'm wondering if there is anything you would like to say to each other in regards to the last few months. 

"There is something I'd like to say." Abbey turned to Jed; reached out and took his hand between both of hers. "I want to thank you, Jed. I want to thank you for never giving up on me when I was pushing you away and hurting you...for understanding that underneath all the pain and anger I still loved you. I want to thank you for the nights you held me through my panic attacks, and for coming to these sessions and being so open about your feelings. I want to thank you for understanding the therapy that I...and we...needed to work through everything and for all the patience and sweet, sometimes breathtaking romance. You swept me off my feet...Again. I guess I just want to thank you for being you... the kind, gentle, loving man that I have loved for almost my entire life – and for showing me that there will never be a time that I can't count on you. I think inside I always knew that, but having to go through this brought it all home to me, and proved it without a shadow of a doubt. You are my rock, Jed. You always will be." 

Jed nodded, tears burning in his eyes, his jaw tightening with emotion. 

Sonia gave him a few moments before asking, "Is there anything you'd like to say, Jed?" 

"Yes...um...I guess it's not quite so eloquent as what my wife just said, but it's important, very important to me." He turned from Sonia to gaze deeply into Abbey's soft green eyes. "Abbey, I need you to make me a promise." 

"A promise?" 

Jed nodded. "I need you to promise me that no matter what happens between us, you'll never run away and shut me out like that again. I need to know that you'll be 'my Abbey'; standing up to me toe to toe, and fighting it out without me having to be afraid that you might go away again. I don't want to live in fear of that, Abbey...I can't." 

Abbey saw the raw pain in her husband's eyes and knew what it had cost him to admit that kind of weakness and fear. 

"I won't go away again, Jed," Abbey's voice, choked with emotion was barely louder than a whisper. "I promise. I'll always stay and duke it out, just like before." 

"Good." Jed smiled and squeezed her hand. 

"You sure about that?" Abbey teased. "You do remember that I don't pull any punches." 

"Yeah, I remember." He lifted his hand to trace his finger along her lower lip. "And, you know what? I kind of liked that gal." 

"Me too, Jed. Me too." 

**** 

"Josh, hang back for a minute. There's something I'd like to talk to you about." 

"Yeah...uh...sure." Josh cast a puzzled look at Leo as the rest of the staff continued to depart the Oval Office. Leo's look back told him even he didn't know why the President wanted to speak to him. "Is something wrong?" 

"No, there's nothing wrong." 

Josh stood silently while the President continued to stuff papers into a folder. He shuffled his feet, cleared his throat and finally, he couldn't stand the silence anymore. 

"Sir...I'm still here." 

Jed looked up over his glasses shooting Josh a "look". 

"Sorry," Josh mumbled. 

"I hear you went out to lunch with Sam today." 

"Uh...Yeah. How'd you hear about that?" 

Jed waved his hand toward the outer offices of the Oval. "This place is a hot bed of gossip." 

"And why were people gossiping about Sam and me having lunch? They don't think...I mean Sam and I aren't..." 

"Oh, for pete's sake, Josh," Jed rolled his eyes. "We're all well aware that you and Sam are both completely heterosexual." 

"Well...uh, good. Then why the gossip?" 

"Because he and my daughter just broke up." 

"Oh, that." 

"Yes, that. I was just wondering. How did he seem to you?" 

"Seem to me?" 

"How was he taking it? The break up I mean." 

"Well..." Josh hemmed. "I guess he's, uh, doing okay." 

"Why aren't you giving me a straight answer?" 

"Because...well...she's your daughter, sir. And, well, I know how you feel about your daughters." 

"What does Ellie being my daughter have to do with it?" 

"Everything, sir. All due respect, your daughter ripped his heart out." 

"Really? Taking it bad is he?" 

"He was head over heels for her. I don't think I've ever seen him as down as he is right now." 

"Well, now, that is news." Jed's brow lifted with interest. 

Josh frowned; he had expected more compassion from the President not simple interest. He'd thought the man was behind the relationship. But, then again, one never knew when it came to the President and his daughters. 

"Thank you, Josh." Jed dismissed him with a nod of the head. "And could you ask Debbie to come in on your way out." 

"Yes, sir." Josh left the room shaking his head with confusion. 

"You wanted to see me?" Debbie stood before the President's desk. 

"Yeah. You know that list I've been making for the party." 

"Your St. Patrick's Day slash surprise birthday party for your wife?" 

"That would be the one. I want you to make sure that Congressman Seaborn is on the list." 

"But Ellie already said she was coming with a guest." 

"I'm well aware of that." 

Jed's bland face gave nothing away but Debbie could still read him. Her eyes narrowed. "You're setting them up, playing a little matchmaking game of your own." 

"I don't know what you're talking about." Jed was the picture of innocence. "Sam is our friend. Ellie is our daughter. If their relationship is as over as they say, it shouldn't bother them to see one another." 

Debbie's eyes twinkled. "I thought you said Mrs. Bartlet was the matchmaker in the family." 

"She's the one that has elevated it to an art. But, you know, I have a few tricks up my sleeve." 

"Yes, sir." Debbie grinned as she left the room. It looked like the party was going to be very interesting indeed. 

**** 

"You know I can't sign off on overnight plans, Leann." Amy sat back at her desk looking at the request slip Abbey's secretary had just given her. 

"I know, but I thought you might make an exception here." 

"Mrs. Bartlet has made it very clear. Since the twins were born, anything on her schedule requiring an overnight stay has to go through her first." 

"Yes, but it's the President requesting that she accompany him." 

"I don't care if it's God himself requesting her presence. I don't sign off on overnights without her approval." 

"Without whose approval?" Abbey stopped in the doorway of Amy's office on the way to hers. 

"Yours, ma'am. We have a request that would require an overnight stay." 

"When?" 

"This weekend." 

"Isn't that a little pushy? I mean my schedule is planned weeks in advance." 

"Yes, ma'am, but it's the President that made the request." 

"Well, there's where pushy comes in. Why didn't he just ask me this morning at breakfast?" 

"I think he wanted it to be a bit of a surprise, you know that you'd both be going." 

"He knows I have to approve any overnight stays." 

"Yes, ma'am. I think he thought he could sneak it by since, well...he is the President." Leann shrugged. 

"He still hasn't learned yet, has he?" Abbey shook her head in mock sadness. 

"Nope," Amy grinned. "That heavy handed stuff might work over there in the West Wing where testosterone rules, but here in the East Wing, we do things a little differently." 

"Damn straight. Now where does my husband want me to go with him? Wait, isn't he going to Charleston this weekend for some sort of blues festival?" Abbey had Jed's schedule printed out at the beginning of every month and kept a copy in her office and on the refrigerator in the Residence. Any changes were duly reported. It was well known that when it came to her husband's schedule, Abbey Bartlet did not like surprises. 

"Yes ma'am. The Bonterra Lowcountry Blues Bash. He's going to make a speech on the contribution of the blues masters on American culture and attend a performance and a film called _American Folk Blues_. Then I believe it's planned that he will attend a fundraiser at the Palmetto Plantation and spend the night before returning." 

Abbey's brow furrowed. She was not a particularly avid Blues fan and wasn't sure why Jed would have thought to include her. "And he wants me to go, why?" 

"That, he didn't say." 

"Do you want me to put it on your schedule?" Amy asked. 

Abbey thought for a long moment wondering what was going on in her husband's mind. And, while she didn't like surprises in her husband's schedule, she did enjoy surprises and spontaneity in their relationship. "Yeah, pencil me in." 


	16. Time to Heal, A

Three days after her husband had requested her presence with him on a trip to Charleston, South Carolina, and after a tearful parting from the twins whose pleas of "Mommy don't go!" still ripped at her heart as it always had when she'd had to leave her young children behind, Abbey stood beside Jed at the Marion Square Farmers Market sipping coffee from a large Styrofoam cup. It was a bustling marketplace, farmers hawking their wares and live musicians filling the air with the sound of gospel and bluegrass music. It was a festival-like atmosphere and one that occurred every Saturday according to their host Mayor Randolph Danville. Both Abbey and Jed would have enjoyed plunging into the crowd, talking to the farmers, sampling the goods and making purchases. But that was not to be, it was far too dangerous. They were, however, allowed to visit a couple of stands the Service had roped off for them. The press ate up the intimate scenes between the couple, snapping pictures of the First Lady lifting a juicy peach to her husband's mouth for a bite, then wiping at the juice left on his chin with the caress of her thumb, and of the President trying hard to decide just what bonnet to pick out for his little daughter back home at the White House. 

After leaving the farmers market, they were given a short secure tour of the refined old city on their way to Barnes Hall for Jed to make his speech before they viewed the _American Folk Blues_ film. They drove past cobblestone streets and old historic buildings some of them adorned with large strange looking bolts. 

"You can date houses and buildings in Charleston by those bolts," Mayor Danville pointed out. "There was a large earthquake in 1886 and it shook the foundations of many of the buildings. Instead of tearing down and rebuilding, as we are wont to do here in Charleston, many homeowners chose to put in these earthquake bolts to stabilize the structures. So any building you see carrying a bolt is pre-dated 1886." 

"What are those lines that we keep seeing on some of the buildings?" Jed asked. 

"Those are painted watermarks that show how high the sea invaded and flooded the city during Hurricane Hugo. It wasn't the first time Charleston was flooded during a hurricane, but it was one of the worst." 

"Is that why most of the storefronts have steps leading up and into the building rather than being at street level? Abbey asked. 

"Very astute," the Mayor nodded with a grin. "With the Cooper and Ashley rivers on each side, and the Atlantic at our front, minor flooding can be rather frequent, so it is safer to get your goods up off the street." 

Jed looked down one of the narrow streets seeing a UPS truck have to stop on the side of the road. The truck had to wait for a line of traffic to pass before it could move again into a different lane, for a giant gnarled old tree was hanging so low over the street that the truck couldn't drive underneath it. He turned to the mayor. 

"That tree over there is an accident waiting to happen." 

"Oh, plenty of accidents have happened there. That tree has clipped the top of many delivery trucks and even completely ripped the top off one of the horse drawn buggies that tour the city." 

"Why doesn't somebody cut it down?" Abbey asked. 

"Remember that rule I told you about, that nothing seventy-five years or older may be torn down?" 

"Surely you don't mean a tree would fall into that category?" 

"Absolutely. We take the preservation of our city very seriously here. That tree was determined to be over seventy five years old so it can't be touched." 

"Even just the branches that are hanging over the road causing accidents and traffic jams?" 

"Even just the branches. Hell, you see that abandoned run down little building over there?" 

Abbey had seen it; it looked quite out of place between the two stately townhouses on either side of it. 

"If somebody purchases and wants to renovate it they will have to go through the Preservation Society. Every move they make would be monitored by the society including the choice of paints. They say they have fifty colors of paint to choose from, but it's really more like all varieties of the same three colors." 

"I like the idea of historical preservation," Jed said, "but don't you think this is a little extreme?" 

"The society rules Charleston, Mr. President. Everyone who lives here knows that, and anyone planning to move here will know it very quickly." 

The small motorcade moved along Rainbow Row and houses that looked like they belonged in the tropics. Fronted by lacy wrought iron gates and balconies and painted colors of coral, yellow, aquamarine, and pink, they were a stark contrast to the neutral colors of downtown. Palm trees fluttered in the breeze and gave the whole area the feel of the tropics. 

Along "The Battery", which fronted the water, Mayor Danville had the motorcade slow down and pointed out toward Fort Sumter out in Charleston harbor. "Charlestonians love to tell the story that when the first shots of the War Between the States were fired, their ancestors drank cocktails and cheered from the porches of their homes along this battery." 

"I suppose they didn't realize just how bloody and tragic the whole war would turn out to be." Jed's tone held a hint of chastisement that caused the Mayor to clear his throat and Abbey to bite back a smile. Her husband was a Yankee through and through and the Civil War was the Civil War to him, not the War of Northern Aggression, not the War Between the States, but the Civil War, still the deadliest war in terms of men lost in American history. "Of course, neither did the fools who raced down from Washington with picnic baskets to watch the Battle of Bull Run, like it was some kind of recreational sport rather than the fratricide that it truly was." 

Mayor Danville nodded and wisely thought the better of getting into the Civil War with his northern President. Instead, he turned to point out some of the local architecture, houses built in the 1700's one room wide two room deep, built lengthwise to the street with porches and iron wrought balconies designed to capture the elusive breeze off the sea and river. One of those homes turned out to be the Mayor's where he and his wife hosted a luncheon for the President and First Lady with local officials and some musicians who would be performing at the festival. 

Determined to give them a flavor of the low country, lunch consisted of cornmeal fried catfish and oysters and collard greens cooked with hamhocks that had Abbey thinking about the extra half hour she was going to have to put on the elliptical machine when she got home. 

After Jed's speech, the film, and an afternoon spent listening to different artists perform the Blues at Gage Hall, Abbey was no closer to figuring out why Jed had wanted her to be with him so much on this trip than she had been back in Washington. She was having a good time. She'd always enjoyed visiting and touring new cities with Jed, and while she had been to Charleston before she had never toured it and was finding it very interesting and very charming. Still, that didn't seem to be enough to expressly request her presence on the trip. Nor was the evening fundraiser. Jed went to plenty of those alone. No, there had to be something else on the agenda. 

**** 

By the time they left Charleston and drove out along the Ashley River through the heart of plantation country, dusk had descended upon them. From the lights and noise of the city, they were plunged into the quiet of the country, of the dark winding river and the mysterious palmetto and pine forests that lined the road. It wasn't all that long before the motorcade turned into a long drive lined by live oaks that dangled and waved Spanish moss in the breeze. A large white plantation house stood at the end of the drive. With white Corinthian pillars and a wide staircase leading up to the porch, it couldn't have been more Tara-like and with night descending upon them it was eerie, like something out of another era. Jed felt Abbey shiver. 

"They say this place is haunted," he informed her. 

"Really, a plantation house with ghosts. How original." 

Jed grinned. "And they say that George Washington slept here." 

"If George Washington slept everywhere that he has been reputed to have slept, the man would have slept his life away and never accomplished a thing." 

"Not in a romantic kind of mood tonight?" 

"Depends on what you have in mind. I'm still trying to figure out why you wanted me to come with you on this trip and why you specified that I bring a dress with a 'swishy' skirt." 

"Well, I suppose I can tell you now. I was hoping to do some shagging with you tonight." 

Abbey turned, her brow lifting with surprise. "Are we using that vulgar euphemism now?" 

Jed looked puzzled for a moment then burst into laughter. "You've been watching too many movies with Zoey. I wasn't referring to tossing your skirts up and having my way with you. Although, now that you've planted that little idea in my head, it sounds like more fun than what I had in mind." 

Abbey slapped his shoulder gently. "What DID you have in mind?" 

"The people running this fund raiser got a group from a local shag club to come and perform. So we're going to be doing some shag dancing tonight." 

"Oh, Jed." Abbey's eyes lit with delight. "We haven't shagged in AGES." Back when they were dating in college, Abbey had taught Jed how to shag. She remembered how much they'd laughed as Jed had continually tripped over his own feet, often taking her down with him. They'd had such a good time...dancing and laughing and falling in love. 

"I know, not much cause for that kind of dancing at State Dinners. But, I know how much you enjoy it, so I thought we could trip the light fantastic tonight, and then I have something else up my sleeve planned for tomorrow." 

"Really? What?" 

"If you're a good girl tonight, I'll tell you." 

"I'm always good, aren't I?" Abbey ran her fingers up Jed's inner thigh, moving featherlight over his groin. She heard his breath hitch in his throat at her almost imperceptible touch. 

"Yeah, you're good all right, sweet buns. Real good." 

**** 

After another quintessentially southern meal, this one a little more highbrow, consisting of She-Crab soup with sherry, Carolina quail, a pecan and greens salad, and grits covered with cheddar cheese and scallions, Abbey and Jed followed the hundred people or so who had paid a mint to dine and dance with them into the glittering ballroom. Where once women turned and twirled in hoop skirts, this night the music was decidedly more heavy on the R&B and the swing and fun of the shag, a dance made popular by teenagers in the 40's, 50's and 60's just an hour up the road in Myrtle Beach and now enjoying a resurgence of popularity. Before the floor was opened they were given a performance by a local shag dancing club and then much to the surprise of everyone present, the President and First Lady took to the middle of the floor to lead off the night of dancing, not with a sedate waltz or a peppy fox trot but with a little shag dancing of their own. 

> _Nothing you could say_  
>  Can tear me away from my guy   
> Nothing you could do   
> Cause I'm stuck like glue to my guy 
> 
> I'm stickin to my guy like a stamp to a letter   
> Like birds of a feather   
> We..... stick together   
> I will tell you from the start   
> I can't be torn apart from my guy.   
>    ( _My Guy_ by Smokey Robinson)

The President's feet slid and moved with ease as he swung the First Lady away from him, then back again – the skirt of her peacock blue cocktail dress swishing around her shapely legs as she twirled in her husband's arms, her hips and feet never missing a beat. Smiling at each other, laughing at times, they moved with ease performing the more sedate version of the jitterbug for the delighted crowd. 

"Please, join us," Jed called out. Many did, but others were content to sit back and watch the President and First Lady with complete fascination. 

"Tell me, Mr. President," Senator Sullivan approached him when the dance was over. "Where did a Yankee like you learn how to shag like that?" 

"Abbey taught me while we were in college. She used to watch a lot of _American Bandstand_ and she loves to dance; and I guess she felt my repertoire was rather limited so she spent hours teaching me. I have to admit, I was rather hopeless in the beginning; there are times that I have two left feet." 

"Well, I can think of worse ways to spend my time than in a pretty girl's arms learning to dance." Both the Senator's eyes and Jed's moved to the dance floor where Abbey was now "twisting the night away" with one of the professional shag dancers. "In fact, I might be inclined to take a long time learning how to do that dance." 

"Ah, now I see you caught on to that really quick," Jed grinned. "Abbey never did." 

"I may be seventy-five years old but I'm still a man and I know how a man thinks when he's around a gorgeous woman." Henry Sullivan patted Jed on the back. 

"I'm sure you do, Henry. I'm sure you do." 

**** 

Later in the evening, as the party wound down, Jed found Abbey outside taking a breather in the cooler night air. 

He placed his hands on her bare shoulders and bent to murmur into her ear. "Care to take a stroll, pretty lady?" 

"Well, I don't know, sir," Abbey feigned a southern accent. "I really shouldn't go anywhere without a chaperone with such a dangerously good looking man." 

"Don't worry, ma'am. You'll have more than one." Jed turned to glance at the escort of Secret Service men that would be discreetly following them and crooked his arm out to her. 

"Well then, if you're sure." Abbey slid her arm through his and they started out on one of the many paths that wound through gardens and into the swamp woods down to the earthy, briny banks of the tidal Ashley River. The night was alive with the sounds of nature, of strange animals calling to each other, of wings flapping and branches groaning, of marsh grasses rustling and the splashing water of reptiles entering the river's depths. It was primeval, mystical even. 

"Breathe deeply, the bold fecund aroma of the tidal marsh, exquisite and sensual the smell of the south in heat, a smell like new milk, semen and spilled wine all perfumed with seawater." 

Abbey smiled up at Jed as they stood together at the very edge of the river. The moon was reflected on the black glassy water and on the far bank, shadows danced in the dark fields where once thousands of acres of rice and indigo had grown. She recognized right away the words from the hauntingly tragic _Prince of Tides_. "You've been reading Pat Conroy again." 

"When I knew I was coming down here." Jed nodded. If ever there had been a book that had made him grateful for the family he'd had growing up, cool and remote, as they were, it had been that one. 

Music filtered down through the woods from the plantation house, touching them at the edge of the river and filling them both with a sense of romance. 

"Dance with me, Abbey. Away from the prying eyes." He pulled her in close, her breasts crushed against his chest, his palms rubbing against her lower back pressing her hips tightly into his. Abbey's cheek lay on his shoulder, his chin resting on the top of her head. This was no shag, no dance for public consumption; it was the ageless, timeless dance of lovers, of two people escaping into the magic of the night and of each other. 

"Is this why you brought me here?" Abbey breathed. "Because you knew I'd like to dance." 

"I brought you here because I wanted to show you that all that courting...it wasn't just about getting laid. I didn't want you to think I was going to stop romancing you simply because you're sleeping with me again. I'm not going to forget everything that I learned." 

"Then my mother was wrong when she used the metaphor of the cow and the milk?" She smiled up at him the moon shining in her dancing green eyes. 

Jed cupped a hand over her cheek a sexy half smile crossing his face. "I can't believe you let her get away with referring to you as a 'cow'." 

Abbey laughed softly and tucked her head back under his chin inhaling deeply the scent of his bay rum. She felt his hands more strongly at the small of her back pulling her in against him even more tightly and she knew she would never forget the night she danced with her love on the banks of the Ashley River – the moon full and high in the sky, her heart tender with love and him singing softly into her ear as he nuzzled into her neck. 

> _Those fingers in my hair_  
>  That sly come-hither stare   
> That strips my conscience bare   
> It's witchcraft 
> 
> And I've got no defense for it   
> The heat is too intense for it   
> What good would common sense for it do? 
> 
> 'cause it's witchcraft, wicked witchcraft   
> And although I know it's strictly taboo   
> When you arouse the need in me   
> My heart says "Yes, indeed" in me   
> "Proceed with what you're leadin' me to" 
> 
> It's such an ancient pitch   
> But one I wouldn't switch   
> 'cause there's no nicer witch than you   
>    ( _Witchcraft_ sung by Frank Sinatra, written by Cy Coleman and Carolyn Leigh)

**** 

Sunlight streamed through the nearly floor to ceiling windows of the bedroom in the plantation house. Abbey was sitting in the big canopy bed completely naked after a night of sensual lovemaking. Having two toddlers that liked to sneak into bed with them at night, it was a luxury for her to be able to sleep in the nude again. The white eiderdown cover was drawn to her waist but her breasts were bared, her nipples peeking out between the strands of long strawberry blond hair that cascaded over her shoulders. She was picking at a pecan sweet roll that had been delivered with a large pot of coffee from room service. Watching her, the soft moan of pleasure as she bit into the roll and her small pink tongue darting out to lick at the crumbs, Jed stood by the bed his erection growing more powerful by the minute. Abbey pretended not to notice the tent he had growing in his underwear, but her sidelong glances and eyes growing heavy lidded with desire gave her away. It was the only sign Jed needed. He knelt on the bed and moved toward her. God, what a beautiful man he was. That powerful chest sprinkled with silver and gold hair, those bluer than blue eyes glittering with arousal, his bronze hair mussed from their lovemaking the night before. Abbey's pulse started to race her own loins tightening with the desire. He took the roll from her hand and placed it back on the plate. 

"Hey," she protested. "I'm hungry." 

"Me too," he admitted. "Hungry for you." He stretched out beside her taking her left nipple into his mouth and suckling her at the same time he pressed his hard groin into her hip. 

Abbey's breath quickened in an instant and she moaned deeply when he pushed the covers down and his hand slid in between her thighs, his fingers rubbing gently in the slick moist heat of her. 

"Jeeed..." she sighed his name as he slid first one, and then two fingers inside of her. One hand held his head to her breast as her legs fell open for him, showing him that she wanted more, so much more. 

"Still hungry?" he asked. 

"For you." Her hand moved down his chest and found that his penis was standing at such complete attention it was peeking out through the elastic top of his jockey shorts. "Are you looking for me?" she asked with a throaty chuckle. She tugged his underwear down his hips and closed her hand over the pulsing hard shaft, squeezing and stroking. 

Jed groaned harshly, "He's always looking for you." 

"Good thing he knows where to find me." Abbey rolled to her side throwing one of her slender thighs over Jed's hip. Old Hickory knew an invitation when he saw one and within seconds Jed was buried deeply inside her, their bodies straining against one another, mouths melding, sighs and moans and whispers of need and pleasure filling the room until finally culminating in the sharp cries and guttural groans of completion. 

Still breathing heavily, Jed smiled down on Abbey pushing the hair off her face and kissing the very tip of her nose. "Good morning." 

Abbey smiled back up at him running her fingers over the beads of sweat that dotted his chest. "It is, isn't it." 

**** 

"So, let me ask the question we've all been dying to ask." Marion, one of the owners of the Palmetto Plantation was giving the President and First Lady a tour of the grounds and now stopped to turn and look at them. "What happened last night?" 

Jed nearly spit out the coffee he had just sipped and Abbey's face blanched wondering, first of all, if they had actually been that loud – and if they had been – who would be rude enough to bring it up to their face. 

"Yes, did you see any ghosts?" 

"Oh...ghosts..." Jed breathed a sigh of relief. "Honey, did we see any ghosts?" 

"Nary a one." Then she leaned in close and whispered to Jed. "We probably scared them away with our carrying on." 

Jed gave her a quick wink and squeezed her hand. 

"Now this is the summer cookhouse," Marion led them into a run down brick building. It would have been difficult to determine what the building had been used for were it not for the entire wall that was dominated by a fireplace. "The heat in South Carolina in the summer can be quite overwhelming and having fireplaces running in the house would just not 'do'. So they built these summer cookhouses away from the house." 

"Where the only ones who would suffer would be the slaves." 

"Exactly, Mr. President. It was the slave women who ran these cookhouses. They lived over there in what was known as 'the quarters'." Marion pointed to some small brick buildings many of which were barely more than a pile of rubble. But there were a couple of them in good enough shape to enter. 

Abbey and Jed entered one of the dirt floored, low ceilinged buildings silently, reverently. Abbey ran a finger over the edge of one wall with a shiver, ghosts of the past seeming to surround her. 

"Such a black mark on humanity...On our heritage," Jed's voice held a wealth of sorrow. 

Abbey swallowed, a lump forming in her throat. She couldn't help but think what it would have been like to be packed into these hovels, all freedom of choice taken from you. To have your children ripped from your bosom and sold like nothing more than a piece of merchandise, to have your husband...your love...torn from your arms and sold downriver, to perhaps be forced to lie with the man who owned you – giving birth to lighter skinned children that would never truly belong in either world. What kinds of sorrow, what kind of despair must that have been? 

"Abbey?" Jed's arm went around her waist and for one vulnerable moment Abbey let her head fall to his shoulder. 

"It is a black mark on our history, Jed." 

**** 

"Mommy, I sad. You come home." 

Wishing she could hug her daughter through her cell phone, Abbey leaned back in the SUV that was driving them north to Cape Romain for a "back to nature" day that was to coincide with Jed's Saturday morning radio address requesting more money for the national seashores. "I'm sorry your sad, sweetie. What's wrong?" 

"I hurted my finger and you not kiss it better." 

"Well, can't Izzy kiss it better?" 

"No, YOU kiss it better." 

"I will when I get home. I promise." 

"You come home now." 

"No, honey. But I'll be home tonight to tuck you in." 

"Daddy come home too." 

"Yes. Would you like to say hi to him?" 

"Yes. I talk to Daddy." 

Abbey passed the phone over to Jed. 

"Hey, sunshine. What's this I hear about you being sad?" 

"I hurted my finger, Daddy, and I CWIED." 

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, baby girl. Would a Popsicle make you feel better?" 

Abbey rolled her eyes at him from across the seat. 

"I like possicles. I like wed possicles." 

"Okay, you tell Izzy that Daddy said it was okay for you to have a red Popsicle." 

"Okay, Daddy. I wuvs you." 

"I love you too, Aislinn." Jed closed the phone shut with a smile, then noticed the way Abbey's eyes were lasered in on him. 

"You never change," she shook her head. 

"Hey, don't look at me like that. All we have are those all natural juice pops that you made the kitchen staff buy." 

"And just how do you know that? Have you been making late night forays into the freezer again?" 

"Maybe. Whatcha gonna do about it?" 

"Oh, you really don't want to go down that path, do you, darling mine?" 

Jed mulled over the threat for a moment, thinking of all the means of torture Abbey had at her disposal, then without a word crossed his arms over his chest. 

"Yeah," Abbey laughed. "That's what I thought." She settled back into her seat and watched the countryside pass by her window. She saw Gullah women – African Americans descended from plantation slaves – wading in the marshes for the sweetgrass they used to make the baskets they then sold to tourists. Further up the road, she saw some of those same women sitting beneath tin roofed huts working on the baskets and selling them. She convinced Ron Butterfield to stop the motorcade and allow her and Jed a brief foray over to a group of small huts. 

Abbey was fascinated by the soft Gullah hymns the women sang while they worked and by the ancient art that had been brought over from Africa by their ancestors. By the time they returned to the car, she had purchased several of the baskets and accepted one as a gift as the woman selling them had not wanted to take any money for them at all. Jed, of course, had come away loaded with trivia about the history of basket weaving. Something she was sure he would find a way to bring into conversations at a later date. 

**** 

"Did you know that Cape Romain boasts the largest nesting rookery for brown pelicans, terns and gulls on the South Carolina coast and that 337 species of birds can be found there?" Jed set his binoculars down and turned to where Abbey stood at the rail of the ferry that was taking them out to Bulls Island, the wind blowing her hair back off her face like a flag. She was watching shrimp boats with their nets spread high and wide making their way out to sea but turned toward him when he spoke. 

"Are you showing off, Mr. President?" 

Jed grinned. "I'm always looking to impress the ladies." 

"Well, did you know that it has the largest nesting population of loggerhead sea turtles outside of Florida?" 

"Showing off, Mrs. Bartlet?" 

"I'm always looking to impress the guys." Abbey pinched his cheek affectionately. 

Cape Romain National Wildlife Refuge was twenty-two miles of barrier islands between the Intracoastal Waterway – that manmade body of water that ran from Boston to Key West – and the Atlantic Ocean. It was filled with marshes, and ponds and swampy backwater creeks and was the perfect place for sea kayaking. 

"Now, you're sure that you've gone kayaking before, Mr. President?" Ted Findly who ran sea-kayaking tours was going to be their guide. 

"Don't worry, Ted. Abbey loves to kayak when we're in Maine and we've done a lot of it in the marshes and salt water ponds as well as a few forays into open ocean." 

"So, you know how to roll?" 

"Absolutely, but it wouldn't matter if I didn't. These guys aren't going to let me stay under for long," Jed gestured to the many agents who would be flanking them in their own kayaks. 

"Well, then, if you're ready." 

**** 

Abbey and Jed shared a double kayak. Both wore binoculars around their necks and Abbey snapped pictures on her digital camera as they made their way through salt marshes and tupelo swamps and paddled through abandoned rice canals. They moved into swampy creeks where giant ancient cypress trees cast their reflections in the still, inky black water. It was quiet and eerie there in the heart of the swamp, reminiscent of a world long gone. 

"Jed, look," Abbey whispered as she pointed to the edge of a creek where a lone wolf was sipping from the water. 

"That's an endangered red wolf." Jed lifted his binoculars. "Make sure you get a picture." 

As they emerged from the silence of the dark swamp back into the bright sunshine of the saltmarsh, pelicans, egrets, herons, and other shore birds surrounded them. Abbey was in her element here. While Jed enjoyed nature hikes, he had always been more interested in the history of an area. But, for Abbey, it was the beauty of the out of doors and nature itself that lured her out to hike in the mountains or kayak on the sea, or canoe on a river. 

The sound of the surf grew louder as they got closer to ocean and since the currents in that area could be very treacherous, Jed and Abbey opted for walking along the beach and looking for seashells for the twins rather than venturing out into the Atlantic. No longer needed, Ted left the First Couple for a little private time on the beach, well, as private as it could be for them with agents swarming the dunes in the distance. But, after five years with Secret Service protection, Abbey and Jed could very nearly forget they were there at times. Something that had on occasion in the past brought them troubles. 

The ocean side of the barrier island was wild and windswept, the white sandy beaches a contrast from the muddy swamps and saltmarshes. Abbey and Jed took off their sneakers and walked barefoot along the edge of the water, stooping every now and then to pick up a large conch shell or giant sea dollar. The shells there were large, much larger than the broken remnants they found on the beaches in Maine, shattered from the heavy surf and the pounding against the rocks and cliffs. 

It was a balmy day, not hot yet at this time of year, but very warm and spring-like and finally, Abbey could not resist temptation. She rolled her loose khaki cotton pants up high over her knees and ran into the surf laughing with delight. 

"Come on in, Jed!" she called back to him. "It's nice!" 

Jed stood at the edge of the surf just watching her, this gorgeous enchanting creature that was his wife. The sun glistened in her long shining red-gold hair and her laughter rang out over the surf. Unable to resist her, he walked straight into the water soaking his jeans all the way up past the knee. He barely noticed as he wrapped his arms around her tiny waist. 

"Jed," she breathed. "You're all wet. You should have rolled your pants up." 

"You're a temptress, Abigail Bartlet. The Sirens have nothing on you." 

"Really," Abbey smiled seductively. "So, I've still got it?" 

"Oh, baby, was there ever a doubt?" Jed kissed her gently. 

She gazed up at him over her sunglasses. His shirt was unbuttoned at the throat, the sea breeze ruffling his sandy hair and the fine lines at the corners of his gorgeous blue eyes crinkling when he smiled. 

"Penny for your thoughts," he said. 

"I was just thinking how gorgeous you are." 

"Really? 'Cause I was just thinking the same thing." 

"You were thinking about how gorgeous you are?" Abbey eye's sparkled with humor. 

"Very funny," he pushed her sunglasses up into her hair. 

"Jed..." She unbuttoned another button on his shirt and pressed her lips to the pulse point at the base of his throat. "Thank you for requesting my presence on this trip." 

"Even if it was a bit 'pushy' and testosterone induced?" 

"Hey, every girl needs a little testosterone in her life." 

"Every once in a while you mean." He hooked his fingers together at the small of her back pulling her hips into his so she could feel just where all that testosterone came from. 

"Maybe more than once in while. But, I'll deny it if you ever tell anyone I said that." 

"You've been hanging around too many politicians." 

"Well, one in particular anyway." 

"Oh yeah, tell me about him." 

"Well, he's handsome and sexy, but I can't tell him that too often because he has a pretty big ego. And, he's kind and compassionate and though he'd deny it completely, he has a romantic soul. He's a ball of mush when it comes to his children, but as strong as steel when it comes to protecting them. And...." 

"And what?" 

Abbey's hand rose to stroke tenderly over his rough square jaw. "And he loves me." 

Jed took the hand that stroked his face and pulled it to his lips. "That he does. More than life itself." 


	17. Time to Heal, A

Abbey entered the Residence with a fussing Aislinn on her hip and a recalcitrant Nicholas being dragged by her hand. They were just returning from the _Reading Rainbow_ hour at the library. Abbey took them once a week, usually the day she worked her 3-11 shift at the clinic, so she could spend some quality time with them and they could socialize with other children their age. But, now both children were cranky and in desperate need of a nap. As she approached the living room, the familiar tone of her cell phone rang in her purse but when she tried to put Aislinn down to answer it, the little girl's fussing turned to all out wailing. 

"Okay, okay, I won't put you down, but you need to hush while I answer the phone." 

Sure that she would stay on her mother's hip, Aislinn's wails turned from deafening to tolerable and Abbey answered the phone. 

"Hello, Abbey Bartlet." 

"Abbey? Is that you?" 

"Yeah, it's me. Hi Jane." 

Hearing Aislinn crying in the background, Jane paused for a moment. "Did I catch you at a bad time?" 

"Bad time? Why would you say that?" Abbey grinned ruefully and bounced Aislinn on her hip. 

"Mama...Mama." 

"Nicholas, I'm on the phone." 

"Mooommy, I want a GOGURT." Nicholas tugged at her skirt. 

"Hold on, Jane." Abbey bent to look her son in the eye. "I am on the phone, Nicholas, and you are being rude. You know better than to interrupt me when I'm speaking. Now, go sit on the chair until I'm finished talking to Aunt Jane and then I will get you a 'Gogurt'." 

Nicholas stood firm, his blue eyes locked with Abbey's green, until he finally realized his mother was not going to cave in and moved to sit on the chair with his arms crossed over his chest and a mutinous sulk to his features. 

"Okay, sorry about that, Jane. We're a little late for naptime and I've got two cranky kids on my hands." 

"Well, I won't keep you long. I just wanted to let you know that I got the invite to the big St. Paddy's Day party you're having and I wanted to RSVP in person." 

"Great, I'm so glad you can make it." Abbey twisted her head away from Aislinn who was trying to stick her little fingers into Abbey's mouth while she spoke. 

"Well, there's a reason that I'm calling you about it. You remember at the farm when we had that talk in the kitchen. You said that if I met someone, you wanted to meet the person." Jane was obviously uncomfortable. She hadn't brought anyone to meet her family since Pat and that was so very long ago. 

"You've met someone?" Abbey's interest was perked. 

"I've met a lot of people. But, this is someone...well...someone I want you to meet." 

"Are you serious about her?" 

"As serious as I've been about anyone since Pat died." 

"Well, who is she? What does she do? Where did you meet her?" 

"Slow down, slow down. God, Abbey. You're such a GIRL." 

"I don't get many complaints about that." 

"I'm sure you don't." 

"What do you mean by that?" 

"It means we get the news, even over here in France, which is where I am at the moment. Saw Jed's black eye. Just what kind of kinky stuff are you into anyway?" 

"Very funny." 

"Funny, funny," Aislinn mimicked. 

"Did he really fall out of bed with you?" 

"Yeah, he really did." 

"You know what they're saying about HOW he fell out of bed." 

"Amazingly enough I do." 

"Well..." 

"Well, what?" 

"Is it true?" 

"Like you didn't already know. Yes, Janie darling, we were having sex and flipped right off the side of the bed." 

"Mommy, what's sex?" Aislinn blinked her innocent green eyes at her mother as she toyed with her earring. 

Abbey's own eyes widened at the question and she heard Jane laughing over the phone. "Um...Sex is the word we use when we want to know if something is a boy or a girl." 

"Oh...I'm a girl." 

"Yes, you are." 

"Good save there, Abbeykins," Jane was still laughing. 

"Yes, well, if you hadn't tried to change the subject, I wouldn't have had to go down that path. Now, back to you. Tell me about this girl." 

"Woman, Abbey. Woman. Well, her name is Vivian Carstairs. She was a B movie actress for a while in the 70's and now she's an interior designer. I hired her to do some work on the bungalow that I'm renting here and well, we fell in love. I want to bring her with me to the party, to meet the family." 

"Of course. We'd all LOVE to meet her. But, you are going to tell Mom and Dad right? I mean they're going to be at the party too." 

"You mean warn them?" Jane knew that after all these years, and despite their acceptance, her parents were still uncomfortable with her lifestyle. "Don't worry. I'm not going to broadside them. I'll tell them we're coming so they'll be prepared." 

"Thank you." 

"Now go get my nephew that 'gogurt' 'cause I have to run. Bye." 

"Bye." Abbey shook her head as she looked at her phone. Her sister was an original that's for sure. 

"Okay, kiddos. Let's go have that 'gogurt' because I have to start getting ready to leave for work." 

"You no go work today, Mommy." Nicholas hopped off his chair and approached her, his mutinous eyes now turned pleading. Even having Izzy, they still clung to Abbey and cried when she left them. 

"You stay and pay with us," Aislinn added. 

"I can't stay and play with you. I have to go to work and try to help kids from getting sick." 

"But I don't want you to go." Aislinn's lip trembled. 

"Oh, honey, I know you don't. But, don't forget since I'm working tonight that means you're going to get to have your picnic with Daddy in his office." 

Jed had decided that on the night that Abbey worked, if he couldn't get back to the Residence for supper with the kids, he would hold time in his schedule to eat with them in his study off the Oval Office. They quickly decided picnic style on the floor was most fun and the kids had come to enjoy it so much that Jed didn't even attempt to make it to the Residence anymore. They just planned on having their picnic supper on his floor. 

"We get Devil Dogs!" Nicholas did a little jig. 

"Daddy gives you Devil Dogs?" Abbey asked. 

"Uh huh," Aislinn nodded. 

"And TWINKIES," Nicholas grinned. He had no clue that he'd just ratted out his dear old dad. 

"Well, at least I won't be around to have to deal with the sugar high," she sighed. "Let's go rascals." She took each of their hands in hers and set out for the kitchen. 

**** 

Wearing sweats and a T-shirt, Jed sat up in bed reading, waiting for Abbey to return from her shift. It had quickly become a routine for him to wait up for her on her late night shift and when she got home, they would have a midnight snack while Abbey wound down before heading to bed. It was a nice quiet time to talk about their day. Tonight she was late and that worried him. He knew that as long as she worked in that clinic he would worry about her, but he also had to admit that since she'd started working there, there was a spark to her again, a glow and an excitement that had been missing when it came to her profession. She came home now filled with energy and enthusiasm, not simply worn down from another day of speeches and meetings. 

It was with a sigh of relief that he watched the door to the bedroom open and felt Max stir at the foot of the bed at the intrusion. But, instead of seeing Abbey, he looked up from his book to see Aislinn standing before him clutching her blankie and her doll and rubbing at her sleepy eyes. 

"My tummy hurts, Daddy. I seep with you." 

"Sure, sunshine. Hop on up." Jed leaned down to help lift her into bed next to him. 

"Where's Mommy?" 

"Mommy's still at work." Jed glanced at the clock his stomach clenching as he realized Abbey was now a half-hour late. The only thing that kept him from pacing was the fact that if something had gone wrong at the clinic, the Service would have informed him. 

Aislinn snuggled in under the covers and scooted herself up against Jed's hip. Jed lay his book down and rolled onto his side so he could run his big warm hand gently over Aislinn's rounded little belly. 

"How's that, sunshine?" 

"Better, Daddy. I feels better." She yawned and buried her cheek into his belly. 

Jed smiled. He'd figured the tummy ache was just a little nighttime loneliness, and even though she no longer had terrible nightmares, Aislinn was still a more restless sleeper than Nicholas. He laid there awake rubbing Aislinn's belly – willing the door to click open – so that when it finally did, he wasn't sure if it was reality or his mind playing tricks on him. 

It wasn't his mind. Abbey stood just inside the doorway, her face pale, drawn and tight, her eyes pools of misery. And, when those eyes fell on her husband curled up with their little girl in bed, they pooled with tears. Jed's protective instincts instantly moved into overdrive. Gently, he eased Aislinn from his body and slipped out of bed making his way to Abbey in about three strides. He took her shoulders in his hands searching her face for any visible damage. 

"Abbey? What's wrong? What happened?" 

Abbey shook her head, her throat clogging with unshed tears. "I can't...not now, Jed." Abbey tried to break away, to head for the bathroom and a nice soothing shower. 

"Abbey, wait, just tell me one thing. Are you hurt? Did anyone hurt you?" His eyes frantically swept over any exposed skin looking for bruises or cuts. 

"I promise you...I'm not hurt...physically...My heart hurts..." 

Jed stepped back and nodded. He knew what was wrong then. He'd seen this side to Abbey before. The flip side to wanting to be in control was that no one was ever in total control and even the best of doctors lost patients. When Abbey did, he knew she would need the time to grieve and then she would allow him to comfort her. 

Once in the bathroom, Abbey stripped off her clothes and stepped into the shower. There had been no remnants of blood or vomit on her skin or clothing, but she still felt the need to cleanse herself of something ugly, something so unspeakably cruel. She felt the lump in her throat grow making it impossible to swallow. Forcing the emotions back within, she quickly cleansed herself, then pulled on a pair of pajamas and made her way back into the bedroom. Jed was seated on the couch waiting for her. He stood when she entered the room, his face filled with compassion. 

"Come here, baby." He opened his arms and Abbey nearly fell into them. As soon as she felt those arms enclose her in their warmth, she felt the tears finally work their way from under her eyelids. Jed sat back on the couch with Abbey curled on his lap. He rocked her as if she were one of the twins, murmuring words of love and comfort until her shoulders finally stopped shaking. 

Jed lifted her chin to look into her wet, miserable sea green eyes. "Can you tell me what happened?" 

Abbey nodded but still seemed to have trouble getting started. Jed handed her the snifter of brandy he had poured for her earlier and she took a sip feeling the warmth of the alcohol all the way to the tips of her toes. "It was a baby, Jed." 

"A baby?" 

"A little girl. Eighteen months old. A neighbor heard the crying, heard a man yelling and when the mother got home, she found her daughter comatose on the floor. She rushed her in to us, blood dripping from her nose, vomit covering the front of her sleeper." 

"What did he do to her?" Jed's voice was gruff with emotion. 

"He SHOOK her, Jed. She wouldn't stop crying so he shook her and shook her and shook her. He made that fragile little brain bounce around in her skull until she finally stopped crying." 

"Oh, Abbey, no...Was she...dead?" 

"No. She was still alive when we got her. She'd had a subdural hemorrhage and some retinal hemorrhaging. She was having trouble breathing so we gave her some respiratory support and then we sent her off to the hospital where they can do surgery on the brain to stop the bleeding." 

"Will she be okay?" 

"I'm not an expert on shaken baby syndrome, but Jerry said he sees a lot of it at the clinic. Most times there is neurological or mental disability, and given the damage I saw in that baby's retina, I'd have to say there is a good chance that she'll be blind...And all that's IF she survives." 

"How, Abbey...How does anyone get to the point that they could do that to their child, to ANY child?" 

"I don't know." Abbey rubbed her temples. "It's beyond comprehension. I mean Aislinn was such a little crabapple today – fussy, whiny, crying for no reason – and yeah it irritated me, but good Lord, she's just a baby. How could anyone think to hurt her like that? How could HE do it to that baby girl? She was so tiny, Jed. So tiny and so...hurt." 

"Was it her father?" Jed's voice was tight. The idea of any person hurting a baby was abhorrent to him, but a father doing that to his child was almost more than he could bear. 

"The mother's boyfriend. She swore he'd never done anything like that before, but while we had her we noticed old bruises and the x-rays showed a healed over bone fracture that had never been treated. That's why I'm so late. The police were there and so were social services." 

"She's not getting that baby back, is she?" 

"Not if I can help it. Hell, when she came through that door, she was STILL stoned from whatever party she'd been at while her boyfriend was trying to kill her child. It makes me SICK, Jed. Physically SICK." 

"I know, babe." 

Abbey got to her feet and made her way over to the bed. Fresh tears filled her eyes as she gazed down on Aislinn, sleeping so peacefully with her blankie and her doll. Abbey crawled into bed behind her, curling her body around the little girl protectively, stroking her soft silky hair. 

"This is all I wanted to do when it was over," she whispered. "I just wanted to come home and hug my babies and love them, and tell them that no matter how annoyed I get with them, I'll never hurt them." 

Filled with his wife's pain, and the pain he felt for a child he had never even seen, Jed climbed into bed behind Abbey wrapping both her and Aislinn in his arms. He stroked Abbey's hair and back until she fell asleep. It was then that he remembered the letter – the one he'd been waiting to show her. Oh well, it would have to wait until morning. 

**** 

"What's up, Leo?" 

Whenever Leo hung back after a morning staff meeting, Jed knew something was surely up. 

"Well, Mr. President, there's starting to be some talk about Abbey working at the free clinic." 

"About last night?" 

"What happened last night?" 

"Well, I guess it wasn't about last night." Jed hadn't gotten to talk to Abbey much that morning. Nicholas had woken up with a cold and a fever and that had taken up much of her time. He could tell she was still drained over the night before but her attention had definitely been diverted to their son. 

"What happened last night? Is Abbey okay?" 

It was easy to see that Jed was not the only one who worried about Abbey working in such a rough environment. 

"Yeah, she's okay, she just had a real rough night. A baby girl was brought in. Eighteen months old. Shaken baby syndrome. The mother was stoned; it was the boyfriend that shook the poor little thing almost to death. Abbey thinks that if she survives there might be brain damage and she might be blind." 

"Oh, God. Poor little thing. How anyone can do something like that is just beyond understanding. It had to be really hard on Abbey." 

"Children have always taken the biggest toll on her." 

Leo nodded. "She's a mom through and through. I'm sure it's difficult to shut that off." 

"It is. She does okay during the crisis itself; you've seen her go into doctor mode. She can tune everything else out. But, once it's over, that's when it all hits her. But, back to what you were saying. Just what is all this talk that you're referring to about Abbey and the clinic." 

"Well, it's probably not the best time to bring this up, but the Republicans are at it again. They want to distract you, divert your attention. And, they know how best to do that." 

"Are they going after Abbey?" 

"You bet and they're being led by the right wing media." 

"What are they saying?" 

"That there isn't any reason for her to be working at that clinic while she neglects her duties as First Lady. That she's doing it for publicity...for votes." 

"BULLSHIT, Leo. That's GARBAGE." 

"You know that. I know that. But all the American people are hearing is this viewpoint. Abbey hasn't given an interview on paper or television since she and Zoey sat down with Diane Mather." 

"And, can you blame her? Leo, she's been working so hard to put the kidnapping behind her. She doesn't want to rehash everything over and over again." 

"I understand that. But, do you think you could talk to her." 

"No." 

"No?" 

"No, Leo, I'm not going to talk to her. Look, she knows that I have issues with her working at that clinic, but we came to an agreement. If I talk to her, she's going to think I'm not behind what she's doing. That I'm trying to convince her to quit. I won't do that to her, Leo." 

"It's damaging her image. You don't want to see that happen either, do you?" 

Jed sighed. He was in a catch-22 and he knew it. "No, I want the world to know what I know. That Abbey is a wonderful, intelligent, caring person; that she wants to roll up her sleeves and help out in the best way she knows how." 

"Then we need to get that message out. Look, she and CJ are friends. What if I have CJ talk to her? Plan a strategy." 

Jed thought on it for a moment and finally acquiesced. "Okay, but I want CJ to make sure Abbey knows that this administration is behind her 100%. That we're just coming up with a strategy to help her explain to the country what she is doing and why." 

"Of course. I'll talk to CJ and see what she can come up with." 

**** 

Later that evening when Jed returned to the Residence he found Abbey, Nicholas and Aislinn seated around the coffee table playing the _Arthur_ memory game that was a new favorite. 

"Okay, who wants me on their team?" Jed set his briefcase on the floor, dropped down to his knees next to Nicholas and instinctively reached up to feel the little boy's forehead, happy that he felt a lot cooler than he had in the morning. 

"No teams, Daddy," Nicholas giggled. "You pay by youself." 

"Oh, well then, may I play?" 

"This was our last game before bed." Abbey looked pointedly at the clock, then at the disappointment on her husband's and children's faces. "Okay, ONE last game, but that means only one story tonight at bedtime. Deal?" 

"Deal!" Both Aislinn and Nicholas beamed their approval. 

Later, when the kids were tucked safely in bed, Jed picked up his briefcase and approached Abbey where she was searching at the bookcase for a new book to read. 

"Ron Butterfield brought me a letter yesterday. I planned on giving it to you last night but you were so upset I decided to wait." 

She watched him rummage in the briefcase with a puzzled frown. "Why would Ron Butterfield bring YOU a letter addressed to ME?" 

"Because it wasn't on the acceptance list of family and friends that we made out. But when he researched the name, he found that it was a family member. One of YOUR family members." 

Now even more puzzled, Abbey accepted the letter from Jed, her eyes widening at the return address. "Sr. Nora O'Neill, Convent of St. Francis Xavier, St. Pierre, Michigan." Her eyes flew to Jed's. 

"Nora," she breathed. Once her cousin had joined the convent, Abbey had never heard from her again. She assumed that the letters she had sent to the home for un-wed mothers had gotten through to her, but Nora had never written back. And once she became a novitiate at St. Francis, all Abbey's letters had been returned un-opened. Abbey had never been sure if that was the convent's or Nora's doing. But, she had continued to write to her, right up to the last letter she had sent telling her that she was getting married. When that had returned un-opened, Abbey had finally given up. She knew her cousin Fiona, Nora's sister, had written to her when their parents had died, but Nora had not returned for their funerals. All in all, it had been thirty-six years since Abbey had seen or heard from the cousin who had been more like a sister to her. She had been a sixteen-year-old girl when seventeen-year-old Nora had been taken away and there had been a lifetime of experiences she had not been able to share with her. 

"Do you know what this is about?" 

"Not a clue." While Jed had never met Nora O'Neill, he knew how much she had meant to Abbey and how hurt she had been when her cousin had never so much as written or responded to her letters. 

Jed watched the emotions play over Abbey's expressive face as she read the letter, brow furrowing, tears welling, teeth playing with her bottom lip, her features opening and closing with each paragraph she read. He remained silent until she set the letter down and looked at him with disbelief in her eyes. 

"She's leaving the convent." 

"What? What brought that on?" 

"Her daughter." 

"Her daughter? I thought the baby was taken from her at birth. That no one knew whether it was a girl or boy." 

"That's what Aunt Mary told us. Evidently, she had a baby girl and that baby girl found her. Her name is Margaret Grace, Maggie, and she'd be what...thirty-five now. Anyway, Maggie is in the last stages of renal failure. She needs a kidney and her own adopted family isn't a match. So, she set out to find her birth mother. She wants Nora to donate a kidney." 

"And?" 

"And she's going to do it. She's leaving the convent but she doesn't have anywhere to go with Aunt Mary and Uncle Patrick being gone." 

"Fiona and Bill?" 

"You know how Finn felt about Nora. She'd never welcome her with open arms. Besides they live in Arizona. The transplant is being done at Johns Hopkins. She can't stay in a hotel; she's been in a secluded convent for thirty-five years... she'd be lost. She needs somewhere to stay where she can get to know this daughter of hers and make some decisions." 

Jed was silent for a few moments. It didn't take him long to come to a conclusion. "And we have a big house that we only use only on weekends that is only a half hour from Baltimore." 

Abbey's eyes filled with gratitude. She knew that her compassionate husband would understand. If there was anything Jed liked to do, it was to help people. She reached out to take his hands in hers. "I knew you'd understand." 

"Of course I understand. She's going to need you, Abbey." 

"She's going to need US. We're her family now." 

"This is going to be whole new world for her. When she went away Johnson was still in office; we were still in Vietnam. Martin Luther King and Bobby Kennedy had just been assassinated and the country was filled with rage and violence." 

"Well, who better to re-introduce her to the world than the leader of the world himself...Oh...Jed, I bet she doesn't even know I'm married to the President." 

"Guess she's going to be in for more than just a few shocks." 


	18. Time to Heal, A

"So, what was it? Was it the tube top to meet the Queen of England or the low-rise jeans for the North Korean delegation?" Abbey knew that CJ had requested the meeting with her to discuss an "image problem." It wasn't the first time she'd had one of these meetings and she figured it wouldn't be the last. 

"Mrs. Bartlet, the press didn't know what to make of you before the M.S. became public. They've never really known what to make of you. You're smart. You're direct. You're opinionated and you're sexy. On the one hand, you're a career driven woman; but on the other, you're still married to your college sweetheart and you're a nurturing mother with five children, two of whom were born when you were in your forties. You've never been the traditional hat-knitting President's wife." 

"Oh, shoot. Was that in the handbook? Maybe just get me a photographer and seven year's worth of yarn." Frustration filled Abbey. She'd never understood why it was so important for people to put others in a box with a label. "You know, CJ, all those things you just said about me are right. I am a three-dimensional PERSON. I'm a wife, a mother, a daughter, a doctor, a citizen, a Catholic, a Democrat. The list could go on and on. The press doesn't know what to make of me because they can't slap a label on my head." 

Knowing that she was right, CJ plowed ahead. "Can you tell me why you decided to volunteer at the free clinic?" 

"Because I'm a doctor. Because, instead of putting out a press release, I decided to roll up my sleeves and help treat children." 

"Is there any particular..." 

"There are any number of children's health issues I'm concerned with, so I thought it was appropriate to go out and just see what was going on first-hand. Maybe bring some attention to the problems." 

"Great. But until the press understands that, they're going to fill in the blanks with self-aggrandizing, craven, vote-grabbing..." 

"Oh for heaven's sake, CJ, we just went through Jed's last election. Do they think after being President he might step down and try to take on the Senate? What the heck do I need to try to drum up votes for, unless of course, you're referring to policies that might actually help the poor and help children, in which case I don't see that as a bad thing." 

"I'm not suggesting that, Mrs. Bartlet. They are." 

"Would you like me to do interviews with the press corps?" 

"God, no! They're the most cynical bastards on the planet. You need to get beyond the Washington echo chamber and speak directly to the people." 

"So, what did you have in mind?" 

"I checked out the reject list from your invitation file and there are a few things in there I think you should reconsider, the first of which is Muppets." 

"Pardon." 

"Going on _Sesame Street_ would give you an opportunity to reintroduce yourself as the First Lady who is also a working doctor and address the press' questions about your work at the clinic. Give a Muppet a checkup. Get your message out." 

Abbey lifted a brow. "No _Meet the Press_?" 

"Mrs. Bartlet..." 

"You don't think I could take Russert?" 

"Why should you? Only five people are watching and it's the toughest interview on the planet. I want you on the Surgery channel, women's health magazines, the _Today Show_. Mrs. Russell's ratings bumped considerably when she did her cooking segment. Her chili was so good they're having her back for Christmas." 

"CJ, you're trying to raise my competitive hackles?" 

"Mrs. Bartlet, if I were trying to raise your competitive hackles, I'd make you watch Diane Sawyer's duet with Cookie Monster." 

"Muppets," Abbey shook her head. She wasn't sure that just giving a Muppet a physical was going to explain to the public what she was trying to do, but if that's what it took to get people off her back, she would do it. "Well, at least Nicholas and Aislinn will be thrilled. You think we can get Elmo? He's their favorite." 

"I'm sure we can get Elmo," CJ grinned. "I'll get right on it." 

Outside the office CJ ran into Josh. "Well, is _Sesame Street_ on?" 

"It's on." 

"You think we could get Aislinn and Nicholas on the set?" 

"I'm sure they'll be on the set, but I wouldn't go anywhere near the President or the First Lady with the suggestion that the twins actually be ON camera. You know how they get about things like that." 

"Yeah. Man, they produced two beautiful, photogenic kids and we don't get nearly the mileage out of them that we should." 

"They're children, Josh, not cars. And, I think the First Lady and the President show admirable restraint in protecting their privacy." 

"Come on, CJ, you can't tell me you wouldn't LOVE to use them more." 

"Of course I would. There are times when I'd love for them to parade those kids around for photo-ops, but I RESPECT that they don't do it. Would you really want to work for people who used their children for their own benefit?" 

"No." Josh grudgingly agreed but as he walked away CJ heard him mutter under his breath, "But it would make our lives so much easier. 

**** 

"Uh, Mrs. Bartlet, you might want to turn on your TV." Leann entered Abbey's office where she was seated doing some research on kidney transplants. 

Abbey looked up with a frown and grabbed her remote to click on the small TV that sat across from her on a shelf. It was on Nickelodeon... the twins had been in with her recently. She changed the channel to CNN her breath catching when she saw Ellie, eyes downcast, an agent at her side as she attempted to make it past the barrage of media that was accosting her as she tried to get into her car. 

"Are they still bugging her about Sam?" she sighed. 

"No, ma'am." 

Abbey turned the sound up to hear what the anchors had to say about her daughter and within seconds was on her feet and on her way to the Oval Office. She called back over her shoulder to Leann as she strode down the hall. 

"Call Ellie on her cell phone. Ask her to come to the White House." 

She was still twenty feet from the Oval Office when she heard her husband's voice thundering from behind the shut door. He was pissed and he was going ballistic and she knew just what it was about. 

"Has he been at it long?" she asked Debbie. 

"Long enough. I know I should go in there and stop him from bursting a blood vessel but..." Debbie winced at another explosion from the Oval. 

"I never took your for a chicken, Debbie." 

Debbie squawked like a chicken as Abbey opened the door to see Jed red-faced in mid-rant. 

"Damn it! Ellie's never sought or accepted public office! She's not running that lab. She's a research fellow! They can take all the shots they want at me, but these people have to understand when they attack my family, there's going to be consequences." 

Josh tried to keep things calm. "Sir, if we punish the Congresswoman or the press, we make it more of a story. I think we can discredit Layton. She got her hit list from a political action group whose other website is 'TheLordhateshomos.org'." 

Jed scoffed. He hated that this right wing nutcase was trying to further her own prejudice views by trying to say that his administration was giving money to research done by his daughter out of some kind of nepotism simply because she didn't want him putting money into AIDS research. 

"Ellie's never asked for anything. Hell, I had to beg her to come to my first Inaugural Ball. She had some kind of exam. I talked to the professor, asked him to reschedule it. I think she's still mad at me. Abbey and I have been very clear – we won't use our children, you can't, either. We've never even put any of the kids on a White House Christmas card." 

"No, we haven't." 

Jed looked up with surprise. He'd been so furious he'd never heard Abbey enter the room. 

"Abbey...I'm sorry about all this." 

"It's not your fault." 

"Well, sir, we'll be going..." The staff slunk out of his office, thankful for the reprieve the First Lady had given them. 

"You all get on this," Jed called out to them firmly. He was still livid. "I want some heads to ROLL." With a sigh, his voice then softened as he looked at his wife. "Abbey, I really am sorry. I had no idea that Ellie's research lab got federal grant money." 

"I doubt that she knew either. I repeat it's not your fault. But, this is ridiculous. She's just a research assistant. She had nothing to do with where the money comes from. She just does research." 

"They don't really care about Ellie or what she's doing. It's me they're after. They're pissed about how much money we're putting into AIDS research. There are actually people out there who STILL see it as a homosexual disease and not worthy of the millions of dollars we are putting in to try to eradicate it." 

"Small minded, ignorant people." 

"Yes, they are, but now they're attacking my family because they KNOW that it makes me CRAZY. They KNOW where my weakness lies." 

"Ellie's a big girl, Jed." 

"I know, but she can be so damn sensitive about this stuff. She hates the publicity. She broke up with Sam over it." 

"What... you think she's going to break up with you?" Abbey smiled softly and smoothed the lapel on his jacket. "You're her daddy and you're always going to be her daddy." 

"I know that it's just..." 

"Just what?" 

"We've gotten so close over the past couple of years. I think we've really learned to understand each other. I'm just afraid that...I don't want THIS to wreck that. I don't want her to resent me again, Abbey." 

"She doesn't resent YOU, Jed. She resents the publicity your job brings her, but that isn't the same as resenting you personally." Abbey wrapped her arms around his waist. "Ellie's a smart girl. She isn't going to be happy about it but she isn't going to blame you." 

"We'll see," he grumbled. 

"Yes, we will. She's on her way here as we speak." 

**** 

Abbey had left Ellie in the Residence kitchen working on her laptop while she went to the nursery where the twins were just waking up from their afternoon nap. By the time she returned with a sleepy child on each hip, Jed had returned from the Oval and was talking to Ellie about the situation. 

"My enemies will never stop going after you. But if Dr. Foy is investigated, you need to be right by his side. And C.J. can help you with a statement." 

"No." 

Abbey could see that Ellie was not giving an inch. While she may not have inherited their fiery temperaments, she sure had inherited their stubbornness. 

"When Galileo said 'Eppur si muove', it meant that he would continue no matter what to study and publish." 

"I get nosebleeds, Dad." Ellie's tone was almost pleading. She knew what her father wanted – what he expected. He wanted her to speak out and as much as she wanted to please him, as much as she knew that it was the right thing to do, she just wasn't sure if she was going to be able to do that. 

Jed ignored her protest. "...even though he had to live under house arrest and write in secret." 

"I couldn't stand up to do a damn book report! It's easy for Zoey and Liz. You and Mom love the attention." 

"I beg your pardon, don't drag me into this." Abbey walked into the room handing Aislinn to Jed so she could root around in the refrigerator for some apple juice. 

Jed kissed his youngest daughter's cheek but didn't pause in trying to persuade his elder daughter. "Science can't wall itself off from controversy. It has to live by it!" 

"It's not me, Dad. It's not." 

"Abbey, you're a scientist. You talk to her." 

Abbey walked to the table handing each child a sippie cup of apple juice and a graham cracker. "I can't tell you what to do, Ellie. I'm not going to force you into doing something that you aren't willing to do." 

"But you think Dad's right. I can tell by the way you're looking at me." 

"Honey, do you believe strongly in the work that you are doing?" 

"Yes. We're very close to coming up with a vaccine for HPV which would eradicate many cases of cervical cancer." 

"Do you think it's right that politicians are using scientific research as a battleground against each other?" 

"Of course not," Ellie snapped. "...No offense, Dad." 

"None taken," Jed grinned. He loved to see Ellie when the spark of injustice lit inside her just the way it did in himself and in Abbey. 

"Well, the way that I see it is," Abbey bit into a graham cracker and sat next to her daughter. "When you feel strongly enough about something, you can't just sit back and let other people dictate to you or let other people define you or your work or your opinions. You need to stand up before them...stand up for yourself." 

"But it's not me," Ellie's protest was quiet, her parents' reasoning hitting a nerve. "It's never been me." 

"No, it hasn't," Abbey agreed. "But that doesn't mean that it can't be. Ellie, when you talk about your work to your father and me, there is such fire and such passionate commitment. Just talk to the press like you are talking to us." 

"That's easier said than done," Ellie grumbled. 

"Well, you know, I've had a few run-ins with the press myself. I've made some mistakes but I've learned that if you just answer their questions directly and honestly, the story dies down a whole lot faster than if you hem and haw and let them try to define what you are saying or feeling or to put words in your mouth. You just need to decide if this is something you feel strongly enough about to fight for." 

"You really think I can do it?" Ellie still did not sound entirely convinced. 

Jed placed his hand over hers and gave her a big grin around the graham cracker Aislinn was trying to feed him. "You're a Bartlet." 

"Is that all you have to say?" 

"I think you might surprise yourself," he winked. "It's in the genes." 

**** 

"Nicholas, are you sure that you don't want to go and say hi to Big Bird?" Abbey bent over her now hesitant son who was trying to hide behind her skirt. 

Nicky's big round blue eyes stared at the giant yellow bird standing before him and he shook his head negatively, inserting his thumb into his mouth. All morning he'd been excited to meet the _Sesame Street_ characters but he hadn't realized just how large Big Bird really was. 

Big Bird took a step toward them and Nicholas clutched onto Abbey's leg burying his face into her thigh. "It's only peetend," he told himself, repeating the comforting words his mother had said to him when they first arrived. "It's only peetend." 

"Oh, my God, how cute is HE." CJ smiled at Ellie, who was standing with Aislinn while her little sister chattered Elmo's ear off. 

"Nicholas," Abbey lifted the toddler up into her arms. "You don't have to go see Big Bird, but I know that you were really looking forward to meeting him. Would you like me to bring you over to say hi? I promise I won't put you down. You can stay right here in my arms." 

Nicholas looked from his mother to Big Bird and back again, an obvious war going on inside his little head. Finally, he sighed deeply, "Okay, Mumma, I go see Big Bird." 

Abbey approached the character slowly and Nicholas clutched more tightly around her neck. "Don't let me go, Mumma," he warned. 

"I won't, sweetheart. I promise." 

"Nicholas Bartlet!" Big Bird enthused. "I can't BELIEVE that I'm actually meeting you!" 

Nicky turned his head from where it was buried in his mother's neck. "You KNOW me?" he asked with wide eyes. 

"Of course I do. You're a pretty special little boy. May I give you a hug?" 

Nicholas hesitated for a moment then looked at his mother who was smiling at him encouragingly. "Okay." 

Ellie snapped a picture as Big Bird enveloped her little brother in his feathery wings. 

"Okay, we're all set to start filming," the director began ushering everyone off the small "set". "Places everyone." 

CJ held out a white lab coat for Abbey to shrug into and Ellie took her sister and brother off to the side to watch their mother film her segment. 

"Boy, going to a doctor is not so bad after all," Elmo laughed as Abbey touched him. "Oh, that tickles!" 

"Okay, and one, two, three." Abbey tapped his knee with a reflex hammer. 

"Oh, that was fun. Do the other one." 

"Ok, Elmo. It's time for your vaccination. I'm going to give you a little injection." 

"But Mrs. Doctor Abbey, First Lady Doctor, will it hurt Elmo?" 

"Well, maybe just a tiny little bit, but it's very important." 

"Wait a minute. Didn't you give up your medical license?" 

Abbey started to laugh, which got the twins giggling behind the cameras. They were fascinated by the idea of their mother doing a physical on Elmo. 

"Well, you know, Elmo, I did. But I really missed helping people and there are a lot of people out there – a lot of children who need help and shots just like I want to give you to keep them from getting sick – so I got the okay from the New Hampshire Medical Board and decided to volunteer my help at a free clinic." 

"Do you have a diploma you could show Elmo?" 

**** 

Back in Jed's study in the Oval Office, Leo stood in the doorway. Jed was laughing as he watched Abbey's Muppet segment on TV. 

"Abbey's doing great," he said. 

"She's amazing," Jed grinned. "She felt a little silly about it at first but she looks like she came around." 

"She's a good sport." 

"You know, she is. She really is. Might be nice if some of you told her that once in a while." 

"I bet the kids enjoyed it." 

"From what I hear, Nicholas was afraid of Big Bird and Aislinn wanted to bring Elmo home." 

Leo chuckled. "I have feeling it was a good thing it was Abbey with her and not you or we might have Elmo moving into the White House." 

"Are you trying to say that I have no self-control when it comes to my children?" 

"Well, they're three and they already have a dog and a pony. You tell me how that translates?" 

Jed's face turned serious for a moment. "Do you really think that I spoil them too much? I mean it's such a tough balancing act. I don't want them to wind up being spoiled brats because they grew up pampered in the White House." 

"I was just kidding. I think you're great with the twins. There is spoiling and then there is SPOILING and you balance it well with discipline and rules. They're great little kids. You and Abbey are doing a terrific job raising them, just like you did with the girls." 

"Thanks. But, you know, I still worry even when they're all grown up." 

"You worried about Ellie's statement to the press?" 

"A little. I want her to do it. I KNOW she can do it. I just hope she doesn't feel that I pushed her into it." 

"Sometimes they all need a little push." 

"Yeah, it's the knowing when to push and when to hold back that makes it tough. I haven't been so good about that at times in the past." 

"Well, Ellie isn't easily pushed. If she's making that statement, it's because SHE wants to make it. I don't think she would have let you push her into it." 

"You're right. That girl has a stubborn streak a mile wide." 

"Gee, I wonder where she gets that from?" 

"Abbey, of course." 

"Oh, of course." Leo grinned and gave Jed a pat on the shoulder before leaving the room. 

**** 

Together, Abbey and Jed sat on the couch in front of the television in the Residence holding hands – squeezing every so often – while they watched their daughter finish her prepared statement to the press. 

"Independent peer-reviewed research is the cornerstone of science in America. It shouldn't be about the left or the right, but what works to keep people safe and healthy. I believe all Americans...and all people everywhere, no matter who they are or how they live, deserve research to improve their lives. Thomas Jefferson said, 'We must not be afraid to follow the truth wherever it may lead.' Scientific truth ennobles us. It tells us who we are, where we've been, and where we're going. I believe the truth will only be found when all scientists are free to pursue it. Thank you." 

They were silent for a moment, both looking at the TV with smiles of pride. Finally Jed turned. "That's our little girl." His voice was choked with emotion. "I knew she could do it, Abbey. I KNEW she had that in her." 

"She did really well," Abbey agreed. "Her posture was great. She was calm and poised. She looked at the cameras not at her paper and she didn't rush it." Abbey was impressed. Those were all things she'd gone over with her before she'd gone in front of the cameras and the lesson had obviously taken hold. 

"She was forceful and articulate and passionate." Jed added. 

"Well, you were right. It's in the genes, just look at who her father is." 

"Well, her mother doesn't to do bad in the speaking department either." 

"Well, when the two of you are finished patting each other on the back maybe we could talk about me." Ellie entered the room with a smile and an air of confidence. 

"Come here, Miss Sassy Pants," Jed opened his arms and gave Ellie a big hug. "I TOLD you that you could do it!" He lifted her off her feet causing Ellie to giggle. 

"Okay, okay no more 'I told you so's'." Abbey placed a hand on her daughter's shoulder and leaned in to kiss her cheek. "You did really well, Ellie. We're proud of you." 

"Thank you, Mom. It wasn't easy. I really thought I was going to walk out there and throw up on national TV. But then...I don't know. I started talking about my work and I almost forgot that I was on television." 

"That's usually how it happens," Abbey smiled. 

All three paused at the distinctive ring of a cellphone. 

"Oh, that's me." Ellie lifted her phone to check the caller. "It's Vic." 

"The fruitfly guy?" 

"The PROFESSOR," Ellie huffed. "Honestly, Dad." 

"Is he the one you're bringing to the St. Patrick's Day party?" 

"Yes, he's the one." 

"You're sure you don't want to reconsider?" 

"Why? So I can bring Sam? Sam and I are through, Daddy." 

"But...Honey, you just went on nationwide TV and gave a statement. Maybe you could..." 

"It doesn't change anything, Dad. One little statement isn't going to change who I am." 

Abbey saw disappointment and defeat written on Jed's face and rubbed his arm gently. "We're happy as long as you're happy, Ellie." 

Ellie nodded. But, was she happy? Had she been happy one day since she and Sam broke up? She sighed, her blue-green eyes filling with sadness. "I need to take this." 

Jed and Abbey watched her leave the room, Abbey's hand still resting on Jed's arm. 

"I want her to be happy, Abbey, I really do." 

"Of course you do. But we need to let her be the judge of what makes her happy and what doesn't." 

"And you think the fruitfly guy makes her happy?" 

"If I did I wouldn't have let you invite Sam to the party. She was more alive with Sam than I've ever seen her with any boyfriend. I think he was really good for her." 

"Now if we could only make HER see that." 

"If it's meant to be, she will, Jed. Fate is fate." 

"Maybe, but sometimes fate needs a good swift kick in the butt and I'm just the guy to do it." 


	19. Time to Heal, A

"Sir," Debbie poked her head into the Oval. "The Surgeon General is here." 

"Yeah, send her in." 

Debbie opened the door to allow Millie to enter the room. "You summoned," she grinned. 

"Have you talked to Abbey yet?" 

"I have. I just spent an hour with her up in the Residence going over wedding cake designs that the White House chef gave her. Things are starting to move full speed ahead now that CJ's made the announcement to the nation that you and Abbey are having a vow renewal ceremony. You know, I haven't gotten the chance to tell you that this is SUCH a good thing that you're doing." 

"The vow renewal?" 

"Yes, asking Abbey to marry you again and recommit after everything you went through this past year was absolutely inspired. It's going to be very romantic and very moving, Abbey's really getting caught up in all the plans." 

"I've got a few ideas myself. Did you know that only about five percent of animals mate for life?" 

"Really? I have a feeling you're expecting me to ask you which ones." 

"Well, since you asked. Humans, of course, at least in some cases and whales, wolves, barn owls, beavers, bald eagles, swans, dolphins, loons, I could go on and on." 

"Really? Not you," Millie teased. 

"Do you want to hear where I'm going with this or not?" 

"Sure, any day now." 

"You've been spending too much time with my wife. Now, as I was saying, only about five percent of God's creatures mate for life, and since I am one of them and since this is something that Abbey and I are celebrating about ourselves, I was thinking that in each place setting we could have a carving in New Hampshire granite of one of the other creatures that mate for life. Then at the end of the day people could take them home." 

Millie was silent for a moment and Jed thought she was going to shoot the idea down but she surprised him. "You know, I think you've got something there. And you know you could have each figurine engraved on the bottom 'Jed and Abbey Bartlet's Vow Renewal ceremony July 8, 2004'. That will really be quite a keepsake. It's a good idea." 

"Don't sound so surprised. I do come up with them every now and then. Now, speaking of good ideas, back to why I called you down here to begin with. Are you all set to get Abbey to Harmony Point before the St. Patrick's Day party?" 

"Yeah, I told her that we could get together and go over flower arrangements and look at some dress designs for the girls. Then I casually suggested that we have dinner at _Belladonna's_ and since it's so close to Harmony Point, we could make a whole night of it and go to the house to watch a movie or something." 

"And?" 

"And I think she's on to us." 

"No." Jed's face crumpled with disappointment. 

"No, not about what's going on. I think that she thinks that you're going to have a surprise party waiting for her at Harmony Point. She has no idea that the St. Patrick's Day party is sort of a cover for her birthday as well." 

"Well, I hope she won't be disappointed." 

"When she sees what's waiting for her she won't be disappointed. Now have you talked to Beth and Michael?" 

"I have. Mom and Dad are on board and we're ready for action." 

**** 

Eager to make sure that Abbey was really going to go along with the plans he and Millie had come up with, Jed returned to the Residence with a briefcase full of work. A quick search of the place found Abbey sitting at his desk in the study. She was leaning back in his chair, her long slender legs propped up on the desk, ankles modestly crossed and high heels kicked off. Her was brow furrowed with concentration while she read. The twins sat on the floor in front of the desk playing with matchbox cars. 

"Daddy." 

At the sound of Jed's name, Abbey sat up removing her legs from the desk. She set her book down face up and took her glasses off, a smile touching her lips. It was that welcoming smile and the sound of his children's joy at seeing him that had always made Jed look forward to coming home at the end of the day. 

"Hey, kiddos. Looks like you have quite a demolition derby going here." Jed bent to kiss each fair head. 

"What's 'lition derby?" Aislinn frowned. 

Jed took one car and smashed it into another. "That's a demolition derby." 

Nicholas laughed and smashed his cars together with glee. "We pay 'lition derby. You pay with us, Daddy." 

"I will in a few minutes. I haven't given Mommy her kiss yet." He stood upright and moved over to the desk to give his wife a gentle kiss to the lips. But, as he kissed her, he caught the title of the book she had been reading and his heart skipped a beat. He pulled back, eyes widening. 

"Abbey?" 

"What?" Abbey was puzzled by his reaction. 

"What are you reading?" His mind began frantically backtracking trying to remember how long it had been since Abbey's last period. 

Her brow furrowed, Abbey glanced down at the title of the book _Prenatal Care A-Z_. 

"Is there something you've neglected to tell me?" He didn't realize that he was holding his breath. 

"Yeah, well, the gig is up. I was going to talk to you after I put the twins to bed, but now is as good a time as ever." 

"It is?" Jed was starting to feel lightheaded. Another pregnancy. Another baby...Oh God what if it was another set of twins? Just how potent was he anyway? They religiously used their birth control and... 

"Yeah. Honey, do you want to sit down, you look a little pale." Abbey had enjoyed watching the blood drain from his face and the panic light in his eyes. It served him right for jumping to conclusions. 

"I feel a little pale. Just give it to me straight. How far along are you?" His eyes turned tender and sweet and she could see his concern for her in his face and could no longer toy with him. 

"I'm not pregnant, Jed." 

"You're not?" He breathed a sigh of relief. He loved children, adored his own children, but two mid-life babies were about all he could handle. 

"No, I'm not, and sometimes I just have to wonder how that beautiful mind of your works...jumping to conclusions like that." She shook her head. "But, you know if you'd had that vasectomy we talked about years ago, you wouldn't get these little scares now, would you?" 

"I guess not." Jed's eyes moved from the book on the desk over to the two little towheads playing on the floor smashing their cars into each other and laughing with the pure joy of it. "But, we also wouldn't have those two. I think they were worth all the little scares." 

A tender maternal smile touched Abbey's lips. "More than worth it," she agreed. 

"But, if you aren't pregnant, why are you reading a book on prenatal care?" 

"That's what I was going to talk to you about. I did something today a bit out of character." 

"Really?" 

"It was impulsive and spur of the moment. A very Jed Bartlet thing to do." 

"Really? Want to tell me about it?" 

"Well, not surprisingly, most of my patients at the free clinic have been unwed teenage mothers. I've even had more than a few girls come at sixteen and seventeen and they're already having their second babies. In most cases, none of them have even seen an OB-GYN. They smoke. They drink. In several cases, they still do drugs; and in some cases, they're living on the streets. They have no idea of how to take care of themselves and their bodies, never mind how to nurture the lives they're now carrying in their wombs." 

"So you decided to counsel them in prenatal care." 

"It's a little more involved than that. Today a woman came into the clinic asking me if it was normal to spot during pregnancy. She looked to be in her late twenties and didn't look visibly pregnant, I figured she was early first trimester, but it's really hard to tell with the ravages of poverty. I told her that I'd like to do an examination and she said she wasn't asking for herself. It was for her daughter. And then she brought in this skinny little GIRL with a huge belly." Abbey shook her head, rubbing her eyes as if to rub away the memory of the sight of that child carrying a child. 

"She didn't look old enough to be menstruating, never mind carrying a child. She was wearing a _Disney Princesses_ T-shirt over her swollen belly... I think it was the T-shirt that did me in, as much as anything. Aislinn has that T-shirt, for crying out loud. In doing her medical history, I found out that she had just celebrated her thirteenth birthday. THIRTEEN, Jed! She should be just starting to LOOK at boys, asking to have her ears pierced and to wear make-up – NOT having sex and carrying a child. Having gone through pregnancy and childbirth five times, not including my miscarriages, I cannot think what possessed that mother to force her child to carry a baby to term and give birth to it. You know how I feel about abortion, Jed. I know how you feel, but if you could have seen that little girl...It was just wrong...I can't even imagine what her delivery will be like. She actually had no idea of how her baby was going to be born. When I was examining her, she asked me how the baby was going to get out of her belly." 

"Oh, Abbey." Jed rubbed his temples, his heart aching for a little girl he'd never even seen. "She hadn't learned anything about it in health class? Wasn't that in the sixth grade curriculum for our girls?" 

"Her mother is home schooling her. Believes the public school system is fully evil, teaching children things they have no business knowing. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to tell that scared young girl that her baby was going to come out the same way that it went in? She was terrified and I just wanted to wring her mother's neck. It's not easy – it wasn't for me, either – but mothers have a duty, an OBLIGATION to explain the facts of life and what it means to be a woman to their daughters." 

"Fathers too," Jed added, reminding Abbey that it was he who had been the one to take care of their middle daughter when she got her first period. But, even then at least, Abbey had laid down the groundwork. Ellie hadn't been ignorant and terrified when it happened. "Is there a father involved? I can't imagine a man allowing his daughter to be treated this way." 

"There's no father. Supposedly this woman is a widow. You know, Jed, at the very least, if she was going to make that child give birth, she should have explained to her the entire process of what is happening inside her body and what is going to happen when it's time for the baby to be born. If it were up to her, that poor girl wouldn't have any idea of what was happening to her when she goes into labor. It was scary enough when I was contemplating the whole idea of it for the first time at twenty-one, and even for the last time at forty-eight; and, of course, when we went through this with Elizabeth at eighteen, but at THIRTEEN!" 

"The mother never said why she didn't look into options?" Jed did feel very strongly personally about the issue, even if he was pro-choice, but he had been there for all of Abbey's deliveries and couldn't picture a child Annie's age going through something so agonizingly traumatic. 

"I finally asked her point blank. She said she was a religious woman and that if her daughter was going to sin against the Lord by laying with her cousin and without the benefit of a wedding ring, then she was going to bear the burden of that shame." 

"He was her COUSIN?" 

"Yup, it gets better doesn't it?" she grimaced. "I don't even know if it was consensual. The mother wouldn't get out of my face long enough for me to really talk her daughter about it." 

"What can you do about it?" 

"I can't do much of anything. We contacted child services and alerted them to the possibility of sexual abuse. They said they'll see to it that I get a private examination of the girl and I'm hoping I can get her to open up a little bit to me without her mother being there. She seemed pretty ignorant about everything that was happening, not at all like most of the street-smart girls I'd been dealing with." 

"There is definitely such a thing as being too sheltered," Jed agreed. All their lives he'd tried to shelter his own girls and keep them safe and protected; however, he also knew that it was in their best interests to allow them to spread their wings and stretch their horizons. It had been a struggle, still was a struggle, but what Abbey was dealing with down at the clinic showed what happened when there was a LACK of struggle on the part of parents. Parents who sheltered their children to such an extreme that they were defenseless and ignorant, and parents whose permissiveness and lack of interest forced their children to grow up much too fast in world of violence, sex, and drugs. In both cases, they showed up at the clinic, children carrying children...scared, defiant, desperately needing someone to love and to love them back and completely unprepared to be mothers. Without guidance, they would only continue to perpetuate the cycle. 

"There are so many of them, Jed. So many teenage mothers down there who don't know the first thing about prenatal care or taking care of babies. It really got to me. The next thing I knew, I was telling that little girl that I wanted her to come to the prenatal care and support group that I was going to have every Wednesday morning at 10 a.m. If her own mother isn't going to help her through this, then I will." 

"But you don't have a prenatal care and support group." 

"That's the impulsive part. I do now. And I'm also going to do a class for new mothers to teach them how to care for their newborns. There is a need, Jed. A HUGE need. These children are completely unprepared to be mothers. Hell, in most cases their own mothers were teenaged mothers. It's a vicious cycle and one I'd like to break. I talked to Jerry and he knows a social worker, a Frances Sinclair, that he said would probably be willing to come in and speak to them and let them know what social services are available to them. And, I thought I could bring in Lamaze coaches and birthing instructors to help out for the prenatal classes." 

"I think it's a great idea." 

"Why are you smiling?" 

"I just like seeing you this way. All fired up and ready to roll your sleeves up and save the world." 

"Sounds like somebody else I know." 

Jed shrugged. "Maybe. All I know is those girls are damn lucky to have you down there ready to go to bat for them. I think you're really going to do some good down there." 

"Yeah, well, I have my work cut out for me. I only did two rotations in OB-GYN and one in psychiatry and that was back in med. school. Most everything I know about prenatal care has been what my own OB-GYN gave me for advice and taking care of myself through my own pregnancies. Thankfully, it wasn't that long ago that I was pregnant with Ash and Nicky and I can draw from that. But, I also have a lot of research to do especially when it comes to teen pregnancies. I have loads of books and studies that delve into the teen psyche and their unique problems and fears and I thought I'd talk to Sonia about it too." 

"I have no doubt that you will throw your heart and soul into this, Abbey. It may have been an impulsive decision, but once you made it, I know that you will become just as well informed on the matter as any OB-GYN or teen psychiatrist." 

"That's one of the things that I've always loved about you. Your complete and utter faith in me." She took his hand squeezing it gently. 

"Hey, you have to earn that and...baby, you've earned it." Jed leaned in for another kiss. 

"Daadddyy..." Nicholas whined. "Stop kissing Mommy and come PAY with us." 

"What's the matter, kiddo? You got issues with me giving your mom a big old smooch." 

"I don't gots tissues," Nicholas crossed his arms over his chest perplexed. "I not sick anymore." 

Jed shook his head with a chuckle. "I said issues, sport, not tissues." 

"What's issues, Daddy?" Aislinn asked. 

"It means do you have a problem with me kissing your mother?" 

"Mommy, do you like Daddy to kiss you?" 

"Oh, it's all right I guess," Abbey grinned. 

"Alright? I'll show you alright later tonight," Jed growled. 

"Promises, promises," her grin turned saucy, eyes twinkling with mischief. 

"Weeellll..." Nicholas weighed the situation in his mind. "If Mommy says it's okay, you can kiss her." 

"See that, bud," Abbey nudged Jed. "You gotta get permission. Didn't we go through this once before at Christmas?" 

"But, not now," Aislinn told him firmly. Her gaze settled on her father sternly and in that moment, she was pure Abigail Bartlet. "Right now you gots to play 'lition derby with us." 

"Okay, okay. You win. Let's get this demolition derby under way." 

"Mommy, you pay too," Aislinn demanded. 

Jed grinned as he watched Abbey hike up her slim fitting skirt so she could kneel on the floor to play. There were no complaints that she was tired or had too much to do or that she wasn't dressed appropriately. He'd always loved that about her. She never passed on the chance to have good quality play time with their children. 

And so, the Bartlet family sat on the floor in the study of the White House Residence playing a rousing game of demolition derby. The sound of the President making loud crashing noises as he bashed his car into the other cars and the giggling laughter of the First Lady and the children filtered out of the room and down the hall, creating smiles on the faces of the usual stoic Secret Service. 

**** 

"What do you think?" Sitting over glasses of Merlot and a delicious antipasto salad, Abbey handed Millie some colorful swatches. "I was thinking along the lines of a rainbow of colors for the girls to wear that will go with their coloring. I thought the lilac would be pretty on Elizabeth, the dusty rose for Ellie, the seafoam green for Zoey, and soft peach for Annie. Aislinn's flower girl dress will be white with a wide coral band around her waist and matching flowers for her hair; and Gus and Nicholas will be ring bearers in white tie and tails like Jed." 

Millie examined the colors picturing each of the redheaded and blond Bartlet girls in her mind. "I think these are great, Abbey. You've done a wonderful job matching up the right soft summer colors with the girls. But, who's this pretty sky blue for?" 

"That's for your dress." 

"MY dress?" 

"Yes. I mean normally for a vow renewal you don't have to do the whole huge 'attendants' thing, but Jed and I wanted all our family involved, and we wanted to recreate some things from our wedding. Jane already told me there is no way in hell she is going to get back into a gown. She did it once for me. She isn't going to do it again." 

"That sounds like Jane," Millie grinned and took a sip of wine. 

"Yeah, she did say that she'd do a reading though, and so will Evan, Jon and Sally. But, you're my best friend. You were my maid of honor. You've been with me for everything, all the highs and lows. I'd like you to be standing next to me with my girls when I recommit my life with Jed's. Jed's going to ask Leo to stand with him again, as well." 

"I'm honored, Abbey." Tears glistened in Millie's eyes as she reached out to cover Abbey's hand with hers. "I'd love to share your special day." 

"Good, then it's settled." Abbey clinked her wineglass with Millie's and the two began pouring over flower arrangements. 

**** 

Later that evening, with Millie pleading a coming migraine, Abbey walked up the steps to the front door of her Port Harmony home alone a grin touching her lips. Several SUV's, police cruisers and an ambulance had alerted her to the fact that her husband was in residence. It certainly wasn't something that he could keep a secret and certainly not the best of ideas for a surprise party, which was still what she was expecting when she opened the door. She was NOT expecting her husband to be standing in the foyer waiting expectantly for her. 

"Welcome home." He handed her a snifter of brandy. 

"What's this for?" She accepted the glass and looked around expectantly. 

"I thought you might need a little fortification." 

"Really?" She sipped the brandy. "Did you honestly think that you could surprise me given the little entourage that accompanies you everywhere?" 

"You don't think I can surprise you?" Jed took the glass from Abbey's hand and gently ushered her toward the closed door to the library with a hand on the small of her back. 

"What do you think?" Abbey was still smirking as Jed opened the door to the room, waiting for the shouts of "Surprise!" Instead, silence and what she thought was an empty room greeted her. She looked back at Jed with a puzzled frown. Jed nodded, urging her to turn back around...and she did... 

All the breath rushed from Abbey's lungs and her fingers covered her lips. "Oh, my God..." 

"Surprise," Jed murmured with a tender smile. "And Happy Birthday." 


	20. Time to Heal, A

Nora O'Neill stood in front of the fireplace to warm her cold hands. She knew she wasn't really cold – the room was quite comfortable – it was a coldness deep within her, a fear of the unknown. The whole day had been surreal, like something out of a dream and she was still numb. From the moment Mother Superior had brought her the more informal "habit" that she would wear in the secular world, to seeing her Uncle Michael and Aunt Beth for the first time in thirty-six years, to the hustle and bustle of airports and people rushing around in every day clothes, to being brought here to this elegant home on Chesapeake Bay where her cousin and her husband lived on the weekends. 

Her cousin who was now the First Lady of the United States. It was hard for her to believe that First Lady Abigail Bartlet was actually Abigail O'Neill Bartlet, her cousin and closest friend growing up. She'd met the President – still hard to fathom – her cousin's husband at her arrival, along with her two youngest children. Her husband – Jed, he'd said to call him – was an extremely handsome man, and very kind and charming. He'd done his best to put her at ease, but for a woman whose only contact with men had been the priest who said Mass and listened to her confessions once a week, it was disconcerting to be around him. Instinctively, he'd understood that and ushered her into this room to wait for Abbey. 

Abbey. Nora paced around the library looking for hints of the girl she'd once known. The room was elegant with Persian carpets and antique tables and lamps. But it was also comfortable, warm and cozy, with a soft leather couch and overstuffed chairs. Vases filled with flowers and bowls of potpourri filled the room with the scent of spicy cinnamon and vanilla. It was both a masculine and feminine room, a combination of the man and woman who resided here. There were coloring books stacked on the coffee table along with medical journals and crossword puzzles showing that a FAMILY lived here, not just some mythical "first family" but flesh and blood human beings. There were pictures on the walls and on the tables – pictures of a loving husband and wife and of beautiful babies and children at various ages, redheads and blondes. Nora smiled softly. Abbey had gotten the big family she'd always wanted. 

And of course, there were the books. Everywhere there were books. They were stacked on tables next to chairs and crammed in the floor to ceiling bookshelves. She walked along the shelves running her fingers over the spines of the classics. Chaucer and Shakespeare, Homer and Voltaire, Emerson and Thoreau, Byron and Shelley, Dickens and Hardy, Dostoevsky and Pasternak, Twain and Alcott, Whitman and Poe, Lawrence and Salinger, Hemingway and Fitzgerald, Faulkner and the Brontes. On and on it went until she got to authors she didn't know. Names like Alice Walker, Amy Tan, Maya Angelou, Jane Smiley, Tom Clancy, Pat Conroy, James Michener, James Rutherford. Names she'd never heard of before. 

The lower shelves were jam packed with children's books and books on child development and there was a whole floor to ceiling shelf of college textbooks, heavy on the sciences – biology, anatomy and physiology – and American history, economics and theology, something that perked her interest. There were books in Latin, French, Spanish, Italian, and German. Books on art, music, philosophy, mythology and psychology. There was a large section of biographies, Presidents of the United States and First Ladies of course, including both Josiah and Abigail Bartlet, but also others who had shaped the world, Einstein, Columbus, Madame Curie, Mao, Napoleon and Josephine, Lenin, Stalin, Churchill, Pope John Paul, Ghandhi. The Bartlets were a very well read couple indeed. 

Abbey had always been a real little bookworm. Nora remembered the time when they were teenagers that Abbey had decreed they should read every book in the library by author starting with the A's. She laughed softly to herself remembering that she had never made it past the A's while Abbey had gone much further in spite of the objections of the nuns at school who considered books like _Lady Chatterley's Lover_ pornographic. Obviously, Abbey must have married a man who shared her interest in books and then passed it down to their children. She reached out for a book titled _Pagans and Christians_ and had just opened it when she heard the door open to the room and heard a woman gasp. 

"Oh my God." 

Nora turned and saw the small, pretty, strawberry blonde standing in the doorway. Tears immediately stung her eyes and she dropped the book. 

"Abbey?" 

"Nora?" 

"Oh, my God, it's really you." Abbey began moving forward, but Nora stood frozen in place, unable to move, unable to express emotions she'd had to repress for so long. 

"It's REALLY you." Abbey paused momentarily, then reached out tentatively to touch her shoulder before pulling the other woman into an awkward hug. Nora was still at first. She hadn't been hugged in so many years, hadn't experienced the emotion of human touch. But it didn't take long for her to relax, to allow herself to be held. "I can't believe you're really here." Abbey's words were choked with emotion. 

"I can't believe I'm here either." 

Abbey pulled back slightly to look at her cousin stunned by how much she had changed. And, as the two women took each other in, Jed was taken by the stark contrast between the two, of how the years and differing lifestyles had treated them. Only a year older than Abbey, Nora looked every day and more of her fifty-three years while Abbey could easily pass for a decade and a half younger. Without the benefit of hair dyes and stylish cuts, her ragged short-cropped red hair was liberally streaked with gray. Without the softening of facials and moisturizing creams, her face was lined and devoid of the emotions that past lightening quick over Abbey's more animated features. But, there were similarities. They both shared the same Irish green eyes and smattering of freckles; and when Nora smiled, Jed could see the hint of the woman inside and of the girl she had been. 

Nora couldn't stop staring at Abbey. She'd always been a pretty girl, always had the boys sniffing around her, but the woman who stood before her was beautiful; and she had an air of sexy elegance that, having lived in a place where femininity and sexuality were denied and repressed, Nora was completely unused too. Abbey's long light auburn hair curled past her shoulders and dangled into the hint of cleavage her silk blouse was unbuttoned far enough down to allow. Her slim fitting skirt was tame by most standards, stopping about an inch before her knees, but that was far more flesh than Nora was used to seeing exposed. But, lord above, it was the shoes that made her wince. 

"What are you looking at?" Abbey asked. She followed Nora's gaze to her feet. 

"Your shoes. I don't know how you walk on those skinny heels. I think I'd break my ankle." 

"None of us do," Jed assured her from the doorway. It was then that the women realized that he was still in the room. 

"Nora, you met my husband, Jed." 

"The President," Nora lifted an eyebrow showing Abbey just how impressed she was about that one. "Yes, I did. He's the reason I'm here." 

"Really? Do tell." 

"He sent me a letter saying that he knew I would be coming in a few more weeks, but he wondered if I could come sooner since it would really mean a lot to you for me to be here for your birthday. He said he would take care of everything to get me here. He wanted to surprise you." 

Nora looked and saw the love shining in Jed Bartlet's eyes, and for the first time in years, wondered what it would be like to have a man look at her like that. She blushed as Abbey made her way over to him and kissed him softly on the mouth. 

"Thank you, Jed. You were right. You did surprise me." 

"Can I get that in writing?" Jed grinned. "On this day in 2004, Abigail Bartlet admitted that her husband was right." 

"Very funny." Abbey elbowed him gently in the ribs. "My husband likes to think he's a bit of a comedian." 

"I don't have to think it. I happen to know for a fact that I have a great sense of humor. It's one of the things you love about me." He slipped an arm around her waist. 

"And he's modest too," Abbey rolled her eyes and bumped her hip against his. 

Nora watched the two with fascination. The good natured ribbing was not something she was used to and the subtle flirting certainly was not. There was a chemistry between Abbey and her husband, something intangible, indefinable, but absolutely palpable. Something she could feel in the air that surrounded them. It was still hard to imagine the sixteen-year-old cousin she had left behind with a husband and children and whole life she knew nothing about. So much had changed. So many years had been lost. 

"Well, ladies. I know you have a lot to catch up on, so I think I'll go upstairs check on the kids and catch up on some reading. Nora, it was a real pleasure to finally meet you. I'll see you at breakfast. Good-night." 

"Night, babe." Abbey leaned in to give Jed another kiss, this one a little longer, a little more husband/wife than the previous quick buss. And while she had him in her clinch, she whispered in his ear. "I can't thank you enough for this." 

Jed pulled back from her, gave her that boyishly charming smile that always made her heart beat a tad faster and then with a wink he was off to bed. 

"He seems like a really wonderful man, Abbey." 

"He is a wonderful man. I got one of the few good ones out there." Then realizing what she'd just said Abbey's eyes widened. "Oh, Nora, I'm sorry." 

"It's okay," she smiled. "It was a long, long time ago, a lifetime ago." 

"Why did you do it, Nora? Why did you leave without a trace?" 

"Still the same 'get to the heart of the matter, Abbey', aren't you?" 

"Yes, I am. Why, Nora? I wrote to you over and over and over and I never heard from you. You could have kept in touch." 

"No, I couldn't." It was so hard for Nora to talk about that time in her life. Shame filled her to this day. "Do you have any idea of how hard it was for me? While I was at St. Anne's I was so ashamed of what I'd done and I just felt like I had completely ruined my life. I know you were concerned about me. I know you wanted to know how I was doing, how I was feeling, but your letters were also filled with stories about school and our friends, about dances and your dates with Bobby Fitzpatrick and how he was trying to do more than kiss you and there I was seven months pregnant with a CHILD. I had a baby growing inside of me and I didn't want it to be that way. If I could have wished that baby away, she would have been gone. I wanted my old life back, my future." 

"You could have had it, Nora. You could have come home after the baby was born and started all over." 

"No, Abbey, I couldn't. I wanted to, but I couldn't. You see, the funny thing is that for the first few months I hated the baby I was carrying. I hated that I had allowed myself to be used by a married man and I was embarrassed that I was unmarried and pregnant – that I had shamed my family. But a funny thing happened. I started to love the baby. I thought about keeping it. I WANTED to keep it. I fantasized about keeping it, but in the end, when I thought about returning home with a baby in my arms, seventeen years old and unmarried, I knew I couldn't do it. There was no way my parents would have allowed me to return home with my child. They were so embarrassed by me, they sent me away so no one would know what I'd done." 

"I know." Abbey placed her hand over Nora's. "For the record, my parents fought them." 

"What?" 

"I heard my mom and dad fighting with your parents. My mom was telling your mom that they should not be sending you away in shame, that this was the time that you needed your parents the most." 

"Aunt Beth said that?" 

"She did. It gave me a lot of courage a few years later when I found out I was pregnant as I finished my senior year of college before I was married." 

"YOU?" Nora's eyes widened. She could hardly believe she was discussing any of this. At the convent, sex did not exist, was not talked about in any manner. "Was it..." 

"Jed's?" 

Nora nodded. 

"Yes, it was Jed's baby. We were engaged. In fact, I got pregnant the same day that I got engaged. But I was still nervous at how my parents would react. I have to admit they were great about it, of course it did help that Jed and I had already planned to get married. We just had to move the wedding up a month and half before Jed and I left for London where he went to grad school." 

"And the baby?" 

"A girl. Our daughter, Elizabeth. But, we'll talk about me later. I need to know why you didn't come home after your baby was born. Why you joined a convent. Why you joined such a RECLUSIVE convent and never answered my letters." 

Nora was silent for long moment. It wasn't easy, none of this was easy, but this was Abbey. She'd always been able to talk to Abbey about anything and the truth of the matter was...she owed her. Abbey had tried to be there for her and she'd shut her out completely. "Abbey, you've been pregnant. You know how it feels to carry a child. You know how it feels to LOVE that child even before it's born, even before you know if it's a boy or a girl." 

Abbey nodded. She knew very well the maternal bond of love of which Nora was speaking. 

"Well, I may have been young but I wasn't any different. I'd grown to love my baby, but I also knew that I couldn't keep it. The night she came...You know I still remember it like it was yesterday..." 

"It's not something you ever forget," Abbey agreed. 

"My delivery was long and hard. They gave me some kind of gas that had me in and out of consciousness at times, but I was awake when my baby was born, groggy and out of it, but awake. I heard her cry. I heard them say it was a girl. I begged them to let me see her, to hold her, but they refused. They said it would only be harder for me to give her up. I fought them but I was too weak. I did try, Abbey, I really did." 

"I know you did, Nora." Abbey reached over to take her cousin's hand tears stinging her eyes. "I know you loved your baby and I know that kind of fatigue after childbirth." 

"I never got to hold her. I never even got to see her little face or tell her that even though I was letting her go, I loved her." 

"Oh, Nora," Abbey choked. "I can't even imagine what that must have been like – to go through such an ordeal and then to have your baby taken away from you like that." Abbey wiped at the tears that trailed down her cheeks thinking of the joy she had felt at the birth of each of her children. Of how her first instinct had been to hold them tightly to her chest, to nurse them and protect them. Nora had been denied all of that. 

"I didn't recover well. I went into some kind of real depression." 

"Post partum depression." 

"What?" 

"That's what its clinical term is. It happens to some women with the fluctuating hormones after birth. I'm sure yours was exacerbated by your circumstances." 

Nora nodded. "I didn't want to get up, didn't want to dress. They couldn't send me home that way, so one of the nuns suggested sending me to recover at St. Cecelia's. Surprisingly enough, I loved it there. Nobody expected anything of me. I didn't have to talk about things. I didn't have to relive it all and I didn't have to go home and face all of you with what I'd done. By then I was disgusted with myself. What kind of woman does what I did? What kind of woman gives up her child? What was wrong with me?" 

"Nora, you did the best you could. You were a kid and you made a mistake, but you also made a loving decision for your baby and it's not like you had many choices." 

"I know, but back then I was mess. I started thinking how nice it would be to just stay there forever. I'd never have to face anyone and I could live out my penance. I thought about that a lot. In your first year as a novitiate, you aren't allowed to speak at all. You're supposed to do nothing but contemplate your decision to give your life over to God." 

"A YEAR? How on earth did you ever make it through that? A whole year without talking to anyone," Abbey shuddered at the mere THOUGHT of that. 

"I embraced it. Like I said, I saw it as my penance. I guess I thought the harder it was for me, the more I was making it up to my baby girl for giving her away." 

"They should have taken you to see a doctor. It sounds to me like you were still suffering from depression." 

"I don't know, maybe I was." 

"Why didn't you read my letters? Wouldn't they let you?" 

"We were allowed one letter a month to read and to write. But, after the first couple, I couldn't read your letters anymore, Abbey. Your life had become alien to me. You were excited about starting college. You wanted to be a doctor. Your future was bright and I was happy for you. But, I couldn't relate to that anymore and so I stopped reading them. I felt like an old woman, not a teenage girl. I made the decision to stay at St. Cecelia's and devote my life to God." 

"And you never regretted that? I mean it's one thing to become a nun, Nora, but that place was so reclusive, so middle ages. You could have joined another order and been a teacher or a nurse. You could have been a part of the world, even if you were separate." 

"I know, but in the beginning that's what I wanted. I liked where I was and I felt good about what we were doing. We were a farming community, so we did contribute. We raised vegetables that were harvested and given to the poor. I felt useful." 

"You said 'in the beginning'." 

"After a few years, I admit, I began to wonder if I'd made a mistake. I was a healthy young woman and started to strain at my confinement, at the choices that I'd made. We weren't getting any new novitiates; our order was too reclusive and I was lonely for companionship my own age. But, you know the longer that I was there, the harder it was to leave. I got scared that the world had left me behind. I was safe at St. Cecelia's and one year led to another and suddenly, here I was fifty-three years old getting a letter from the daughter I gave up to Catholic Charities at birth thirty-six years ago asking me to be tested for a possible kidney donation. Oh, Abbey, I want SO much to be able to do that for her. It seems like all I do lately is pray that I will be a match." 

"Of course you do. Whether you raised her or not, you are Maggie's mother and any mother would do anything to save her child." A haunted far away look filled Abbey's eyes and Nora knew in that moment that Abbey understood completely what she was going through and thought she knew where that pained look had come from. She'd heard about the kidnapping. She and the other nuns had prayed long silent vigils for the safe return of the First Lady and her two daughters, but when she was praying, she'd had no idea she was praying for her cousin. 

"I would, Abbey, absolutely. And now, here I am and it feels so unreal. I feel like Rip Van Winkle waking up in a whole new world. It's all so overwhelming." 

"Well, I'm here to help you make the transition." Abbey squeezed her hand. "Jed and I are going to help you. You and Maggie." 

"Thank you. I appreciate so much you're doing for me. But, now enough about me. Tell me about you and this Jed." 

"This Jed, huh," Abbey grinned. "Well, what can I say? I married the first man I ever truly loved and I love him even more today then I did when we first married. I met Jed at the end of my junior year in college and from then on we were pretty much inseparable. We got married the summer we graduated from college." 

"And you had your daughter Elizabeth." 

"Yes." 

"And I met your two youngest earlier, the little ones." 

"Nicholas and Aislinn. Our little mid-life surprises," Abbey grinned. 

"They're adorable, and your Jed is very good with them." 

"He's a great dad. Always has been." 

"Do you have any other children?" 

"Two other daughters. Ellie, who is well on her way to becoming a doctor, and Zoey who is just getting ready to start on a program for her masters and Ph.D. in psychology at American University in D.C." Abbey picked up a picture from the previous summer of the whole family mugging it up on the _Abigail Anne_ and handed it to Nora. 

A wistful smile touched Nora's lips. They were a beautiful family the sun shining on their fair heads and smiles brightening their tanned faces. "Well, you got your big family. You always said you wanted three or four kids. I always wondered how you were going to do that AND become a doctor. What happened with that anyway?" 

"Dr. Abigail Bartlet at your service." 

"You did it," Nora grinned. 

"I took classes while I was in London with Jed when he was going for his masters and Ph.D. and then when he graduated, I finished up med. school at Harvard. I'm a thoracic surgeon, or at least I was. I had to give that up when I became First Lady. But, just recently I've started working again at a local free clinic." 

"What about Millie and Jane? What did they end up doing?" 

"Well, that's kind of a long story. Why don't we head into the kitchen and I'll make us some coffee." 

So, while Abbey brewed a pot of coffee, she filled Nora in on the lives of her best friend and her sister completing the culture shock that had begun early that morning with putting on a skirt that bared her legs from the knees down and was now ending with conversations about mid-life surprise babies and multiple marriages and lesbians. In fact, just sitting at the kitchen table talking into the night was something she hadn't done since she was a teenager. At the convent they had to observe the "Grand Silence" – the time between 7:30 p.m. and 7:30 a.m. – when they were not allowed to speak, which was something Abbey had found nearly incomprehensible. It was a lot for Nora to absorb. The world was a whole different place than it was before she had left it behind, and certainly much different from the insular one she had inhabited for over three decades; and as the night wore on, Abbey could see the fatigue in her cousin's eyes. Abbey might be used to late nights, but Nora definitely was not and Abbey finally suggested calling it a night. 

After settling Nora into one of the guest rooms, Abbey poked her head into the nursery to check on the kids, then made her way to her own bedroom. Jed was sound asleep, snoring softly. She smiled as she noted that he had, as usual, kicked his covers off much in the same way Nicholas always did. She made her way over to the bed and adjusted his covers, tucking her husband back in just as she did for her son. It was the gentle kiss to the forehead that caused Jed to stir. 

"Abbey," he murmured sleepily. 

"Ssh...It's just me." She pushed his bangs back off his forehead. "Go back to sleep." 

"Did you two get all caught up and have a nice visit?" 

A lump formed in Abbey's throat and she tenderly stroked his cheek. "Yes... Thank you, Jed. Thank you for giving me Nora back. It's the best birthday gift I've ever been given." 

Jed smiled with satisfaction. In the past he'd given his wife two of her most prized possessions for her birthday, Aquinnah and her convertible BMW. Those gifts had not been easy to top. 

"Just want to make you happy," he yawned. 

It had been an emotional night and tears stung Abbey's eyes yet again as she bent to give him another kiss, this one softly to the lips. "You do, Jed. Always." 

**** 

Nora awoke the next morning completely disoriented for a moment. First of all, she had woken up on her own, no pre-dawn call to prayers. Light shone through pretty chintz curtains settling on the lovely bedroom. It was strange not to awaken in the hard twin bed where she spent her nights to cold gray walls and the simple serviceable bureau and nightstand that were her only pieces of furniture. 

She stretched out in the luxury and comfort of the pillow topped queen-sized bed and ran her legs against the softness of the Egyptian cotton sheets. The smell of coffee brewing and bacon frying caused her stomach to rumble and she finally crawled out of bed feeling extremely lazy. In place of her usual heavy itchy wool nightgown, she wore some kind of pretty silk confection of Abbey's that made her feel completely decadent. She wasn't used to thinking of herself as a woman rather than just a servant of God. 

She made her way into the bathroom and for the first time in thirty-six years, she looked at herself in the mirror. Mirrors were not allowed at the convent, as they were a temptation for vanity. As Mother Superior often said, "You aren't primping for a man, and God and the other Sisters don't care what you look like, so there is no need nor place for vanity". 

Now, Nora was shocked by what she saw. Abbey hadn't seemed to have changed all that much at all. In fact, she was more beautiful now as a woman than she had been as a girl. But, Nora hardly recognized herself. Her hair was more gray now than red and it was cut in horrible jagged edges. At the convent, they each cut their own hair to make it easier to wear under the habit and without a mirror, she had sure made a mess of it. She thought of Abbey's long strawberry blond curls as she touched the spiky edges of her own hair. Her face was lined, not deeply but enough to make her look her age. She looked old – older than her age – and certainly much older than Abbey did; and in that moment, tears filled her eyes – tears for all the lost years. She'd had a decent life, a safe life, but here she was fifty-three years old and feeling as if she'd never truly LIVED. 

With a quick sign of the cross, she apologized to God for her feelings. She had devoted her life to Him, and that was not a bad thing. She mentally chastised herself for her vanity and started on her morning ablutions before making her way downstairs to join Abbey and her family. 

She followed the scent of food cooking and the sound of voices to the kitchen and stood for a moment in the entryway overcome with shyness. Jed Bartlet stood at the stove cooking. He was wearing moccasin slippers, gray sweatpants and a white T-shirt, his dark blonde hair falling boyishly over his brow. His little daughter was sitting on the counter next to him "helping" and singing and dropping little pieces of bacon to the small black, tan and white collie dog that sat patiently on the floor below her. 

" _Little Wabbit Foo Foo widing through da forest scoopin' up da field mice and bopping em' on da head._ " 

"That little Foo Foo is STILL causing problems in the woods?" Jed asked, as he used a pair of tongs to pull bacon from the frying pan. "I think he needs a time out." 

"No time out, Daddy. Da good fairy, she say, Little Wabbit Foo Foo I don't like you attitude, and she turn him into a goon." 

"A GOON?" Jed's eyes widened in disbelief for Aislinn's benefit; he'd heard the story a hundred times. "You don't say." 

"I do say." 

Nora stifled a small chuckle at the exchange. Her gaze then fell to Abbey. While father and daughter were cooking breakfast, singing and critiquing stories, Abbey was sitting in a rocking chair in front of the gas fireplace with her son curled sleepily in her arms sucking his thumb and a big German shepherd stretched out beside her. She was singing softly to the boy, her fingers gently stroking his silky fair hair while Nicholas twisted strands of her own long flame colored strands around his pudgy little finger. It was a moment of maternal oneness with her child that was so beautiful and so tender that it caused a lump to form in Nora's throat. 

"Hey, look, Daddy. It's Auntie Nora." Aislinn pointed to the woman in the doorway who was now wiping at her eyes. 

Jed stopped what he was doing to turn to look at where Aislinn was pointing and Abbey gazed up from her son. 

"Good morning, Nora." Jed flashed her his megawatt-charming smile. "Did you sleep well?" 

Nora couldn't help herself; it was habit to automatically glance at the clock to make sure it was late enough to talk. It was almost eight. "Too well, I'm afraid. I'm sorry I slept so late. Is there anything that I can do to help?" 

"Not a thing," Jed assured her. "Aislinn and I have things under control over here. Why don't you grab a mug of coffee or some orange juice and join Abbey." 

"Thank you, I will." 

Jed noticed the wide berth that she gave him as she moved to the coffee maker to pour herself a mug. He'd never been around a woman who was afraid of him and that was a little disconcerting, but he knew he had to make allowances for the life Nora had led. The only thing he could do was to try his best to make her comfortable. 

"Mommy, did you know we gots an Auntie Nora?" Aislinn asked. 

"I do. I grew up with your Auntie Nora, She was one of my best friends." 

Aislinn pondered that one for a minute. "Nicky's my bestest fwiend." 

Jed turned slowly and caught Abbey's eye. He touched his fist to his heart in a gesture that showed her just how touched he was by their daughter's innocent proclamation. 

"That's really nice, sweetheart. I hope that's always the case." Moments like these always made Abbey grateful that her pregnancy had resulted in twins. She loved the bond that her children shared. 

Nora took her mug of black coffee and sat in a chair across from Abbey, watching her continue to mother the little boy in her arms. 

"Is he having trouble waking up this morning?" she asked. 

"A little. He's been fighting a recurring head cold and he woke up today with an earache." 

"My ear hurts," Nicholas told her, his big solemn blue eyes letting her know that he expected pity. 

"I'm sorry to hear that." 

"Mommy gived me medicine." 

"Well, that should make you feel better." 

Nicholas nodded. "It tasteded like bubble gum." 

"Ah...Do you like bubble gum?" 

Nicholas nodded and curled back up into his mother's breasts, his thumb back in his mouth. 

Nora's attention was soon diverted back to the stove where father and daughter were now having a battle of wills. 

"Daddy, I want to flip da fwench toast by myself." 

"Aislinn, I said no. It's too dangerous. The griddle is very hot. I'll let you help me." 

Aislinn's disapproval flashed in her green eyes as she crossed her arms mutinously over her chest. "By myself," she insisted, sticking her lower lip out in an all out pout. 

Jed sighed. It was hard to be firm when his daughter in full pout was utterly adorable and utterly irresistible. He reached over and gently squeezed her bottom lip between his thumb and finger. 

"That face isn't going to get you anywhere, kiddo. You can either help me flip the French toast or you can watch me." 

When he didn't receive an answer, Jed flipped one of the pieces of bread. 

"Wait, Daddy!" Aislinn hit him on the arm to stop him from flipping the next piece. "I help you!" 

"Well, okay, then," Jed enthused. "Now we're really cooking." Together, father and daughter flipped the finished pieces of French toast out onto the platter and flipped others over to brown until they, too, could be added. When the platter was full, he turned toward the fireplace. 

"Anybody hungry?" he asked. 

"Starved," Abbey admitted, as she got to her feet. "What about you, buddy?" She looked down at Nicholas. "You think you might want to eat some French toast?" 

Nicholas nodded. "Can I has some bacon?" 

"Coming right up." Jed waited until Abbey had the little boy seated in his booster seat before handing him a piece of bacon. "There you go, sport. Daddy's special bacon." 

"Oh, and what makes it more special than Mommy's bacon?" Abbey asked. 

"Other than the fact that Mommy doesn't make it very often?" 

"Because all that grease isn't good for them or for you. That's why I make it as a treat. I'm asking what makes yours special compared to mine?" 

"The secret ingredient." 

"You have a secret ingredient in bacon? It's not like we cure it ourselves, Jed." 

"Mapo syrup!" Nicholas exclaimed taking a bite of his bacon. 

"Aww...buddy, you let the cat out of the bag," Jed groaned. 

Abbey laughed. "You dipped it in maple syrup? THAT'S your highly secret ingredient?" 

"Pure New Hampshire maple syrup I'll have you know." 

"Is there a difference?" Nora asked. 

"Oh, Nora," Abbey moaned. "You've really done it now." 

"What did I do?" Nora's eyes were wide with confusion. 

"You're about to get a ten page lecture on why New Hampshire maple syrup is better and higher quality than any other maple syrup in the world. Let me just remind you now, before it starts. YOU were the one who asked." 

**** 

With breakfast finished, Nora helped Abbey bathe and dress the twins. Inhaling the scent of their baby shampoo and powder and listening to their chatter, it was hard for her thoughts not to dwell on the child she had given up, on the moments like these that she'd never gotten to share with her. And yet, she was warmed by how easily these two precious children had accepted her. They chattered away to her and asked her for help with things as if she had been a member of their family all along. 

They spent the morning outside, Abbey and Jed leading the twins around on their ponies and Nora following while they got to know one another. But, it wasn't until Nora asked who in the family had the heavy interest in theology that the ice was truly broken between her and Jed. 

"Well, Abbey's interested in theology, but I minored in it in college," Jed said. 

"Theology?" Nora was confused. She thought he'd said he was an American Studies major and that he had his Ph.D. in economics. Where exactly did theology fit in? 

"Yeah, I was thinking I might want to become a priest." 

"Really?" Nora's eyes widened and she looked at Jed Bartlet with renewed interest. "A priest?" 

"Don't think I look like priestly material?" Jed teased. 

"No," Nora stuttered. "It's just..." She looked at Abbey and the twins, their mid-life surprise, thought of the three other daughters, of the way that he looked at Abbey, the way that he kissed her. She couldn't imagine this man standing before her as a man of the cloth. "What made you change your mind?" 

"Meeting your gorgeous little cousin here." 

"Jed," Abbey elbowed him. "Tell her the whole story. I don't want her to think I'm some Meggie out of _The Thorn Birds_ seducing a priest for heaven's sake." 

"What's _The Thorn Birds_?" Nora asked. 

"It was a book and a TV mini series about a young woman who has an affair, and a child, with a priest who in the end never leaves the priesthood for her." 

"Don't forget, she also had a husband," Jed added. 

"Well, in any case, that WASN'T me." 

"No, it wasn't," he turned to Nora, "but, let me tell you, your cousin here could have tempted a saint." 

"Really?" Nora turned to look at Abbey with a smile. "What did you DO?" 

"I didn't DO anything. I was at a party with some friends." 

"And I showed up at the party with a friend. I was re-thinking my decision to go into the seminary. I didn't feel I had the true calling to the priesthood. I wanted to help people – that's what drew me in to begin with – and I loved the emotion and mystery of the Mass when I was an altar boy, but that wasn't enough and I knew it. I asked God for some kind of sign to help me make my decision. A few days later I met Abbey." 

"And your decision was made." 

Jed looked at Abbey with a sweet little half grin. "Yeah, my decision was made. I couldn't be as attracted to Abbey, as interested in Abbey, if I was meant to be a priest. It was fate." 

"Love at first sight?" Nora looked to Abbey wondering if she had felt the same. Abbey didn't need to speak. Nora saw it in her eyes as she reached out for Jed's hand. 

"Absolutely. It was fate that we met that night and we've been together ever since." 


	21. Time to Heal, A

"Well, we're here. Home sweet home," Abbey flashed her cousin a wry grin. 

Nora looked out the window as the car that held her, Abbey and the twins made the turn in the drive that led to the White House. The President had left Harmony Point earlier in the day due to prior commitments, but Abbey had decided to stay on with Nora and spend some more time catching up. 

Butterflies fluttered in Nora's stomach as the car stopped and agents hopped out to open doors for them. Never in her wildest dreams would she ever have imagined herself visiting the White House, never mind staying here. 

Abbey noticed the trepidation on her cousin's face. "Are you sure you're up for this? You know, you're more than welcome to stay at Harmony Point." 

"No, it's okay. This is good. I want to be with you all. But, are you sure you're going to have room for me? I know you're going to have a full house with all the family coming down for the party." 

"Believe me," Abbey looked up as she worked at unbuckling a sleeping Nicky's car seat, "rooms here are not an issue." 

Nicholas never so much as lifted an eyelid as Abbey pulled him from his seat into her arms. Nora watched one of the children's agents lean in to get Aislinn for Abbey but she held him off. 

"It's okay, I can carry her in." 

The man nodded and backed off. Gently and rather awkwardly, Nora lifted the sleeping little girl from her car seat. Aislinn started to fuss, whimpering softly at being awakened. Nora froze for a moment, unsure of what to do. Instinct finally took over and as soon as she pulled Aislinn into the safety of her arms, the toddler's little body settled in her head resting heavily against Nora's breasts as she fell back to sleep. For a moment, Nora found it hard to breathe. She held Abbey's baby girl tightly to her body, felt her soft breath against her skin, listened to her tiny whimpers and in that instant, she knew what it must feel like to be a mother. She lost herself in the moment, her chest tightening as a lump formed in her throat. 

"Nora? Are you okay?" Abbey asked softly, her own heart aching with the pain she could see in her cousin's eyes. 

"Yes," her voice was little more than a whisper. "I guess it just hit me. What it would have felt like to be a mother... to have been able to hold my daughter in my arms like this. You're a very lucky woman to experience that, Abbey." 

"And I know it." Abbey kissed the top of Nicky's head, then glanced up at the agents who were waiting for the First Lady's next move. "Ben, could you let my husband know the kids and I are back in the building and we'll be in the Residence." 

"Yes, ma'am." It was not an unusual request. The President liked to be informed when his wife and children had returned from being away from the White House. 

"You know..." Abbey turned to Nora as the two women walked down the halls, a babe on each hip. "Just because you decided to come back to stay with us at the White House doesn't mean that we expect you to come to the St. Patrick's Day party. If you're more comfortable staying in the Residence for the night, I hope you know that you're free to do so. I don't want to push you into anything you aren't ready for." 

"No, I think I'll be okay. I know that this is all going to be a major adjustment for me, but...for the first time in a long time, I feel alive, Abbey, really alive. I want to meet your girls. I want to re-join the world." 

Abbey stopped, jostled Nicholas on her hip as he started to stir, and stared at her cousin. "Does this mean that you're leaving the convent for good?" 

"I don't know. Everything is still so overwhelming. I'm not sure what I want to do." 

"You need to take your time and process everything. You don't have to make any snap decisions." 

"Thank you. You're making all of this so easy for me." 

"It should be easy for you. There's no reason for me to make it difficult." 

"I shut you out. You reached out to me over and over and over and I shut you out." 

"Back then I didn't understand that, but I do now. I did a little bit of shutting people out myself last fall. Trauma can do that to a person." 

They hadn't talked about the kidnapping, but Nora knew from the news that Mother Superior had passed on to them the kind of trauma and abuse Abbey had been through at the hands of terrorists. 

"How did you find your way back?" 

"Jed... I shut him out, closed myself off to him almost completely, but he never gave up on me. I hurt him terribly and I put him through hell, but he loved me enough to keep coming back for more. And in the end, he was waiting with love and forgiveness when I had healed enough to come back to him. I wish now that I'd fought harder for you." 

"What could you have done? You were sixteen years old. It's not like you could just hop on a plane and try to make me come to my senses." 

"I know," Abbey sighed. "And I know we can't go back in time and change what was done or not done, but that doesn't stop me from wishing things had been different." 

"I know. But, bad or good, we all have to live with the choices we make." Nora followed Abbey into what must be the twins' nursery. There were two beds – one with a dark blue comforter covered with little red trains and one with a pink and lavender comforter covered with Disney princesses. Abbey laid Nicholas on the dark blue spread and urged Nora to set Aislinn down beside him. 

"They can nap together here." 

Nora watched Abbey expertly remove sneakers and socks and pants, stripping both children down to shirts and underwear before tucking them both in together. Both women smiled tenderly as the two children immediately reached out to each other and curled up in the fetal position knees to knees forehead to forehead. 

"They are so precious, Abbey," Nora breathed. 

"I have a picture of them in that same exact position in my womb. It was the last ultrasound that I had done before they were born and the last sonogram I have. The funny thing is that whenever the two of them lay down together, they still curl up like that and sleep in the same exact position they did when they were inside me." 

"You have a picture of them growing inside you?" Nora was incredulous. 

"I forget sometimes just how long you've been gone. Yes, they can take pictures now of babies growing inside the womb. They're called sonograms. I have pictures of my babies when they were no bigger than my thumb. It's amazing, miraculous even to see them inside you like that. As the babies grow, in most cases, they can even tell you the sex of the child before it's born." 

"So you knew before they were born that you were having a boy and a girl." 

"No, not in our case. Jed and I chose not to know. We like the anticipation and being surprised." 

"I can see where knowing might take some of the fun out of things." Nora walked along the wall tracing the bright cheery mural depicting Noah's ark and the departing animal duos on a sunny day. A large colorful rainbow arced over the whole scene. 

"Jane did that, as her baby shower gift to me." 

"It's amazing, Abbey. She's really very talented." 

"She is. She's had showings all over the United States and Europe." 

"You must be very proud of her." 

"I am." Abbey knew that in spite of all of Jane's success. her baby sister was still overshadowed by her...It was tough to compete with a big sister who was a surgeon, wife, mother, First Lady, world icon. Surprisingly enough, Jane was fine with that. Her sister had always enjoyed a low profile and she was as proud of Abbey as Abbey was of her. 

Nora paused along another wall, this one covered with framed photos of the twins from newborn to toddlers along with what could only be some of their own artwork – finger-painting masterpieces that made her smile. In the middle of the smaller framed photos was a larger picture – a focal point that held Nora in its emotional grip. It was a picture of Abbey seated in a rocking chair her robe opened, one shoulder bared, as she looked down with a tender smile at the babe that was nursing at her breast. Whoever had taken the picture had truly captured the gentle maternal love that seemed to emanate from her very soul. The love that showed in the way she gently cupped the infant's head holding it to her breast and in her soft smile and shining eyes as she gazed down at him. 

Abbey stepped up behind her. "That's one of Jed's favorite pictures. He's always loved watching me nurse and he took that picture one evening a couple of days after I came home from the hospital." 

"I can actually feel the love that you have for the baby just looking at the picture. He caught a beautiful moment." 

Abbey could see the pain shining again in Nora's eyes. "Maybe being in the nursery isn't such a good idea." 

"No, it's okay, really, Abbey. It was all a very long time ago. I should be over all this by now." 

"You never get over losing a child." 

"You say that as if you KNOW." 

"I do know. A little over three years after Zoey was born, Jed and I decided we wanted to have another child. We were thrilled when I conceived so quickly. But, I lost the baby...our son...when I was a little over five months along. He was a baby... perfectly formed, tiny translucent eyelids, all his fingers and toes, just too tiny to survive. He fit perfectly in Jed's hand, which is how tiny he was. He never took a breath on this earth, but he had been alive. I'd felt him moving and kicking around inside of me." 

Nora reached out a comforting hand to Abbey. 

"For a long time it was hard for me to see mothers with their bouncing baby boys and not wonder, why? Why did my baby boy have to die? It was a very difficult time. But you know, after awhile the grief becomes bearable. I had my girls, thank God, and Jed. I was able to see the blessings that I'd been given, but you never completely get over it. He'd be eighteen years old now, starting college. I still think about that." 

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that. But you're right. You have so many blessings." Her eyes turned back to the sleeping twins. 

"And so do you, Nora. You're going to meet your daughter." 

"What if she hates me? What if she can't understand why I gave her away?" 

"You'll have to make her understand. And if you need back up, I'll be right here to help you." 

Nora smiled. Abbey really hadn't changed at all. Oh, she had matured, of course. She had a social grace and ease that had to have been developed over time, but deep inside she was the same Abbey. Their grandfather had always called her 'his little sparkplug' and there had never been a family member or friend more fiercely loyal and protective than Abbey. She was definitely a person you wanted to have on your side when the chips were down. Nobody hurt Abbey O'Neill's family or friends and got away with it and she imagined the same was now true for Abbey Bartlet. Surprisingly enough, Nora found herself looking forward to the St. Patrick's Day party when she would meet the rest of Abbey's family and friends...HER family she reminded herself. At least she was until she glanced in the mirror and caught sight of herself again then looked down at the white blouse that she wore buttoned up to the neck and the simple shin length navy skirt and flats. 

"What is it, Nora?" Abbey asked. 

"I wonder...I know this is going to sound terribly vain, but I don't really have anything to wear to the party. And...My hair...It looks awful – I know it shouldn't matter but–" 

Abbey held up a hand. "Say no more. You happen to have hit on one of my vices. I've always been of the firm belief that there is nothing wrong with trying to look your best, even if that does lend itself to a bit of vanity. You leave everything to me. We'll have a whole Nora O'Neill makeover." 

"Well," Nora cast her cousin a wary look. "I'm not sure of this makeover business." 

"It'll be fun, I promise. I'll call Henri, my hairstylist and let the Service know that we're going to be doing some shopping. And, you know, I think I'll call Millie and we can make it a whole girl's day out. You'll be all set for a party." 

Nora watched Abbey stride from the room wondering just what she had gotten herself into. 

**** 

Nora stood at the Estee Lauder counter completely at a loss. Abbey and Millie were huddled together in front of a mirror debating the merits of a new shade of lipstick, something called "raspberry razzmatazz", and completely ignoring the buzz they were creating as word leaked around the store that the First Lady was present. There was so much here – moisturizers, clarifiers, eye creams, wrinkle creams – and that wasn't even counting all the make-up – the nail polishes, lipsticks, foundations. It made her dizzy to even think about where to start. 

"Make sure you pick a moisturizer with a good 15 SPF." Abbey turned to her cousin with a handful of lipsticks she wanted Nora to choose from. 

"What's an SPF? 

Abbey and Millie shared a quick look. With the three of them back together, it had seemed like old times and they'd fallen back into old patterns, forgetting that Nora was, at times, like a babe in the woods. 

Abbey explained about SPF and ultra violet light and she and Millie helped her pick out a whole slew of skin care products, make-up, and perfumes before they moved on to clothes. 

"Just remember I AM still a nun." Nora looked pointedly at the two women standing before her in their stylish short slit skirts and low cut silk blouses. 

"Oh damn, Abbey," Millie snapped her fingers, "that means we have to put back the fuchsia mini skirt." 

"Shoot, and here I'd found the perfect go-go boots and bustier to match." 

Nora laughed. She couldn't remember the last time she'd laughed as much as she had today with Abbey and Millie. She soon found herself standing in the dressing room waiting for Abbey and Millie to arrive with new piles of clothing for her to try. Nora's eyes nearly bugged out of her head at some of their choices. They had stayed rather conservative, sticking to longer skirts and looser blouses, however the colors they chose for her were amazing – deep plums and golds, scarlet reds and darker wines, peacock blues and emerald greens – colors that would compliment her coloring which was so much like Abbey's. She looked at herself in a dark green dress and matching jacket that she was trying on for the party and tears stung her eyes. She looked like a whole new woman. 

Earlier that morning, Henri had done a rinse on her hair, washing out the gray and bringing back her natural light auburn, while Abbey and Millie had undergone manicures and pedicures – something that Nora was not comfortable enough yet to allow. It was hard enough to let a man touch her hair never mind her toes, but she was glad she had let him touch her hair. It was still short, of course, but now it had a style – close cropped almost to her ears then combed forward – to frame her face in a sophisticated look she hadn't dreamed possible. Moisturizing cream, foundation and light make-up had taken years off her age, as did the more stylish clothing. For the first time in ages, she felt like a woman – a feminine, attractive woman. 

A pair of pants being slung over the door brought her out of her reverie. She eyed them skeptically. 

"What are those?" she asked. 

"What do they look like?" Abbey sassed. 

"They look like jeans to me." 

"That's what they are. No woman should be without a few good pairs of Calvin Klein's." 

"I can't wear jeans." 

"Of course you can. You aren't in the convent anymore." 

Nora looked at herself more ruefully in the mirror with a soft sigh. "Don't I know it," she murmured. 

**** 

"Those are boring." Abbey grabbed the black old-fashioned rubber soled flats that Nora was looking at in the shoe department. "They look like something Grandma Peg used to wear." 

"They're practical," Nora insisted. "I'm telling you right now, you are NOT going to get me into a pair of those," she pointed down to Abbey's heels. 

"We'll work up to Jimmy Choo's and Manolos. But, you don't have to wear heels to have stylish shoes. Come on let's have a look." 

"You're in Abbey's domain now," Millie grinned. 

Nora soon could see that. Abbey had the clerk coming and going with different colors and different styles until Nora had a pile of shoes next to her. 

"I'll just take these in black." She picked up one box of shoes. 

"I like those in black. But I think you should also get them in the red and these too." Abbey gestured to the boxes she had stacked that held shoes Nora had liked: walking shoes, loafers, sneakers, dress shoes and even some sweet whimsical summer sandals that Abbey insisted on. 

"Abbey, I don't NEED all of this. You're spending a FORTUNE on me today." 

"Nora, it's not all about need, although you DO need a lot of these things. But, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. I HAVE a fortune to spend. Jed and I both had trust funds and we had a good income while he was at Dartmouth and I was a surgeon, not to mention Jed is a Nobel Prize winning economist. He has invested our money very wisely and our money has made a LOT of money. Believe me, a little shopping spree is not going to put us in the poorhouse. Besides if you can't spend it on your family and friends what good is it?" 

Nora shrugged. She didn't know how to respond to such logic. 

Abbey changed tack, the subject closed. "So, are you getting hungry? Ready for some lunch?" 

"We still have to hit the lingerie department," Millie reminded her. 

"I thought we'd go somewhere else after lunch for that." 

Knowing Abbey as well as she did, Millie knew exactly what she was talking about. 

"Are you going to take her to 'Vicky's'? I mean come on, she's only just come out of the nunnery. What are you trying to do to her?" Millie chuckled. 

"What is 'Vicky's'?" Nora asked. 

" _Victoria's Secret_. It's a store for lingerie." 

"Sexy lingerie," Millie wiggled her eyebrows. 

"I don't need lingerie. I just need some serviceable undergarments." 

Abbey shuddered at the thought. "Believe me, Nora, everyone woman needs a little silky lingerie in their life." 

**** 

They went out to lunch at _Brianna's Bistro_ , a cozy little café in Georgetown that Abbey and Millie frequented. Over glasses of sangria and salads, the three women caught up on each other's lives completely fascinated by the different directions they had taken. Sitting in the café, with the haunting beauty of Celtic flutes playing in the background and the sound of soft chatter and laughter around her, Nora at times had to pinch herself to believe that this wasn't all a dream. That she wasn't going to wake up and be back in the stark silent convent surrounded by serious faced older nuns. She was really beginning to wonder if she could ever go back to that life again. 

After lunch, when Nora admitted the food she had missed the most being in the convent were strawberry milk shakes, Abbey had one of her agents run in to Baskin Robbins and get them all strawberry milk shakes, which they savored in the car on the way to _Victoria's Secret_ – even if they did negate the healthy salads they'd had for lunch. 

Entering the famous lingerie store was quite an eye opening experience for Nora. Just looking at the sexy undergarments and nightwear hanging on the walls caused her face to flush bright red; and it seemed that she stayed in that condition the entire time they were there. Abbey and Millie, on the other hand, seemed to be right at home. The store had been cleared and closed off for the First Lady's visit so the women were free to shop in privacy. 

"Abbey, didn't you buy this set?" Millie showed her a black lace sheer stretchy camisole and matching pair of panties. 

"Yeah, that's the set that I got the last time we were here. Very comfortable." At the moment, Abbey was perusing an emerald green satin baby doll teddy and matching tap pants. The teddy had three ties up the front that held it together, the last one at the breasts. "Think Jed will like this for St. Patrick's Day?" She waved it toward Millie and Nora. Millie lifted a brow. 

"Uh, do you really have to ask?" 

"Exactly what I thought." Abbey grinned and laid the set over her arm. "Come on, Nora. I thought we were here to look at some bras." Nora eyed the rows of sexy satin bras in a myriad of colors. 

"We are. But...these...I don't need anything like these. Nobody is going to see them." 

"That doesn't matter. I don't just wear pretty underwear for Jed. I wear it because it's comfortable and because it makes me feel good. You wear sexy underwear and you FEEL sexy, regardless of what anyone can and can't see." 

"She's right," Millie agreed, her own arms filled with frothy undergarments. 

"I mean if America only knew the kind of stuff that I wear under those unattractive 'General' uniforms I'm force to wear," she shuddered. 

"But I don't need to feel sexy." 

"I'll tell you what. You let me pick out a few of these for you and if you really don't like them and would prefer your old underwear, I'll have Zoey pick up some Playtex nylon bras for you at the mall. Deal?" 

Nora bit her lip and looked at the rows of ultra feminine bras and reached out to touch one. They really were very soft and very pretty. 

"Okay, deal." 

Taking into account her cousins very natural conservative nature, Abbey chose bras in lighter colored pastels, while for herself she picked out a few softer hued lavender and pale blues, but quickly moved into the brighter jewel tones – deep purple, raspberry, emerald green, midnight blue – and a couple of black as you could never go wrong with black. Jed loved her in sexy black underwear and spilling out of the demi-bras and the push-up bustiers, and while she hadn't lied to Nora and didn't buy her underwear specifically for Jed, she knew what he liked and she did love to turn him on. Once the underwear had been chosen, Abbey set her sights on pajamas, convincing Nora to buy a couple pairs of silk lounging PJs along with the cotton sets Nora had been drawn to. 

Back in the car, Nora gazed at the list that Abbey had made for toiletries that she would need. There were so many things she'd never even thought of – things like a razor. If she was going to wear skirts that bared her legs, she supposed she would have to start shaving her legs again. She was glad that Abbey and Millie were there to help her and remind her of what she needed. It was decided that it would be easier all around for Millie and Nora to run into the drugstore and get the personal toiletries that Nora would need and for Abbey to wait in the car then for the agents to run a whole other sweep and clear. The drugstore was the last stop. When they were finished there, they returned to the White House. Millie went home and Abbey and Nora made their way up the Residence. 

Nora was exhausted. While she was used to hard work laboring over gardens in the summer, her winters were spent in prayer and contemplation. She simply was not used to being on the go the way that Abbey and Millie were. Abbey could see that she was dragging and offered to make a pot of coffee so she could sit and relax. Nora refused the offer saying she would make the coffee herself and Abbey continued down the hall alone to the living room. Inside she dropped her packages heavily and kicked off her shoes. 

"So, did you max out our credit cards?" 

Startled, Abbey's eyes flew to the couch where Jed lay stretched out with a manila folder on his chest. She grinned and made her way over to him, surprising him by hiking her skirt up her thighs and straddling him. Carefully she took the papers from his hands and the folder and dropped them on the floor. 

"I did my best." She grinned playfully as she removed his glasses and set them on the end table. 

"So, you had a good time?" 

"I had a very good time." She placed her hands on his shoulders and smiled down on him, delighting in his handsome face, in his beautiful eyes. She leaned forward just touching her lips to his. "I did some shopping at your favorite store." 

"Really?" He gently pushed her long hair back off her face, his eyes twinkling. "Did you buy me any new books?" 

"Oh, tsk, tsk, Mr. President. You keep up with that and I may not let you see what I bought at all." Her lips found his again and this time she pushed her groin temptingly into his, a small satisfied smile touching her lips when she felt him start to stir. 

"Abbey, I'm not sure–" Nora stopped, her eyes widening, face flushing when she saw Abbey straddled on Jed's lap kissing him. "Oh, I'm so sorry...I didn't mean to barge in on you–" 

Abbey sat up running a thumb over Jed's lips to remove her lipstick trying to remain nonchalant. "It's okay, Nora. What's wrong?" 

Nora averted her eyes, trying to look anywhere but at the couple entwined on the couch. "I'm really sorry. I couldn't remember how to use the coffee maker." 

"It's okay. I'll be right in to make a pot." 

Nora nodded and quickly departed the room like a frightened rabbit. 

"We're going to need to be more careful about this," Abbey sighed when her cousin was gone. 

"What do you mean?" 

"This." Abbey gestured to the two of them joined on the couch. "Us, kissing and touching and being affectionate." 

"You want us to change who we are? Does this embarrass you?" 

"No, of course not. God, NO. It's just while Nora's here. She's not used to any of this, Jed. It embarrasses her." 

"Then she needs to get used to it. We won't be doing her any favors by hiding who we naturally are. We didn't do it for our kids and we shouldn't do it for her. They got used to it. She'll get used to it." 

"I don't know." Abbey bit her bottom lip in consternation. 

"People kiss, Abbey. They touch. They tease. They flirt. It's part of the life she says she wants to rejoin. I don't think we should try to hide that part of who we are." 

"I don't know. Maybe you're right." 

"What? Did I just hear you correctly? Twice in three days you've said I'm right. That must be some kind of record." 

"Don't let it go to your head, babe." With a quick kiss to the tip of his nose, she climbed off his lap and went to help Nora in the kitchen. 

**** 

By the time Abbey returned, Jed was in the bedroom preparing to take a shower. He had removed his clothes down to his underwear and was bent over his drawer pulling out jeans and a sweatshirt to change into when he was finished. Abbey stood for a long moment admiring his rounded rear. 

"You've got a great ass, Mr. President." 

Jed turned with a grin to watch his wife enter the room. 

"Right back at you, babe." He stood and Abbey felt her blood thicken and her loins tighten. Good lord above did she love those soft cotton boxer briefs she had bought for him. She loved the way the soft gray material clung to his hips and thighs and cupped his heavy maleness in a way that had her itching to reach out and cup herself. She moved forward, one hand reaching out trace over the silver and dark gold hair that curled over his chest. Jed knew her intentions immediately. They'd been married far too long not to recognize the signals. 

"Abbey?" 

"Mmmm...." She nuzzled into his neck at the same moment her palm pressed into his groin, cupping and weighing his heaviness until he groaned, all the blood rushing from his head to his penis as he swelled beneath her hand. Her other hand slipped into the back of his boxers, fingertips running over his rear pressing into him and squeezing him at the same time she squeezed his now turgid shaft that was straining so desperately for relief as she continued to palm him. She couldn't stop touching him, tasting the skin of his neck and shoulder, but she wanted more, needed more. 

"Jed," she sighed as her tongue moved over his nipple. "Take off my skirt...Please...." 

Abbey was the aggressor this time and Jed followed her lead, his own senses in complete overload. He never wanted her to stop touching him, yet he too yearned for more. He ran his hands over her back yanking her blouse from her skirt. With practiced ease, he slid the zipper down the back and her skirt slid down her hips and out of the way, her pantyhose not far behind. His hands cupped her rear pulling her against the part of him that ached with need, rubbing her against him. 

"Mmmm.... Jeeed..." Her hand slipped inside the boxers and closed over the satiny sweet hardness of him. She felt him pulse and jerk in her hand, little drops of emission beading at his tip as his breath became harsh and labored. And, when she tugged the underwear down his hips and licked at those tiny drops he almost lost it completely. 

"Abbey..." he groaned. "Not sure where you're going with this, but if you want me inside you, you better take me now." 

Abbey nodded. She'd toyed with the idea of simply taking her pleasure by pleasuring him, but suddenly the pulsing ache between her own thighs was too much to ignore. She wanted his thick length pressed deeply inside her body. She wanted to ride him with abandon. She kissed him then, a long deep tongue tangling kiss, that set both their blood on fire and had them moving toward the bed still in each other's arms, unable to let go. 

Abbey pressed her hands against Jed's pectorals pushing him away from her and onto his back on the bed. She shimmied out of her panties and immediately straddled over him. He felt how wet she was for him as she pressed into his thigh her body begging for the release she knew was to come. He knew that even though he'd yet to touch her breasts or stroke her between her legs that she was ready for him. A masculine swell of pride rippled through him with the knowledge that simply looking at him and touching him could make his wife aroused enough for sex with him. 

Abbey reached down for him almost immediately. There would be few preliminaries tonight. She cupped his testicles, running gentle fingertips over the tight sacs and then her small hand closed over his penis and she pulled him back from where he had been pointing toward his naval and positioned herself over him. She kept her hand closed tightly over the base of him at the same time she teased her entry with just his tip. She allowed herself to accept only a couple inches and then withdrew him, rubbing his head up and down her cleft, her own breath catching as she circled him over her clitoris. But, soon that was not enough, not nearly enough. She needed more and the squirming, moaning man beneath her needed it as well. She pulled him back to her warm entrance and lowered her hips slowly accepting the thick fullness of him with a long slow release of breath. Jed held his own breath, his teeth clenched tightly when she stopped sliding, only releasing it when she tilted her hips forward changing the angle, accepting the last couple of inches of him with a soft sharp cry of painful pleasure. 

Jed's eyes focused on her. Her eyes were closed; her teeth clamped down on her bottom lip as her body adjusted to the swollen penis she'd just inserted into herself. She looked beautiful, and thoroughly wanton, naked only from the waist down, her blouse still on. He wanted nothing more than to rip it from her body, to watching those gorgeous breasts bob while she rode him to fulfillment. But Abbey had other more seductive ideas. She sat straddled on him, fully penetrated, his thick hard length stretching her to her limits and her shaking fingers moved to her blouse. Slowly, agonizingly slowly, she unbuttoned the blouse and as each button bared more skin she clenched her vaginal muscles around him squeezing him until he moaned her name and had to grip the sheets to keep himself from thrusting into her. Finally, the blouse was unbuttoned and discarded and her hands moved to her bra. Her palms lifted her ivory lace covered breasts to Jed. 

"These are what you want, aren't they?" she purred. 

"Oh, God, YES." 

"Then be my guest." She grabbed his hands and slid them up under the material of her bra to cup the warm mounds of her breasts while she worked the front clasp, allowing herself to spill out into his waiting hands. She gazed down, taken in by the erotic sight of Jed's big hands, fingers splayed over the creamy flesh of her breasts. She whimpered softly as Jed's hands squeezed her, his thumbs sliding over her nipples again and again until she finally lifted her hips and started sliding over him in the gentle rocking motion they'd both been anticipating. 

She was so beautiful riding him, her head tossed back, strawberry blond hair wild about her shoulders, her milky white breasts still held in his hands as he thrust up into her meeting each downward slide of her hips. As the need for completion overwhelmed him, a sense of urgency took Jed over, a need to watch her come. He trailed one hand down over her ribs and her flat belly, feeling her shiver as his fingers touched the springy auburn curls that covered her mound. She leaned back, knowing exactly what he was about and nearly screamed his name as his fingers moved into her slick warmth, sliding down until he was able to feel where his hot wet penis slid in and out of her body with increasing speed. And then his thumb began circling over the sensitive nub of her clitoris and it was all over for Abbey. Nothing mattered anymore, nothing but the amazing torturous need that burned between her thighs. She whimpered and cried out with the exquisite pleasure of it all, then fell forward, her hands braced on Jed's shoulders. Her eyes were closed, her body tightening, her breath catching in the back of her throat and then she was coming – her back arching, her body splintering into a million tiny pieces as she cried out his name and collapsed onto his chest. 

Jed held her tightly; his teeth gritted at the deep internal contractions that squeezed him almost into orgasm. He felt Abbey's breath hot and wet against neck, felt her hard nipples pressed into his chest, her hips still gently moving over him with the aftershocks of her orgasm. It felt so good to be buried deep into her hot wet depths, but he needed that friction again, needed it with a frenzy he was unable to contain. He gave her a few moments to catch her breath and then he gripped her hips in his hands not allowing them to move away from him and he began thrusting up into her, hard, urgent and out of control. At the first thrust into her overly sensitized body, Abbey had let out a startled gasp. It was too much, too much too soon, she didn't think she could take it, was sure she couldn't possibly rise to such great heights again. But, sure enough, it was happening again. As Jed's hips rammed his penis into her with the force of driving pistons, she felt her breath catching yet again, heard the animalistic little whimpers that emanated from the back of her throat and she rubbed her soft cheek hard against his rough shaven jaw. 

"I can't...I can't..." she moaned. 

"Yes...Yes, you can..." Jed groaned harshly. His fingertips dug into her rear and he pulled her against him. He was buried to his hilt and still he thrust at her with the urge to go deeper, to be one with her. "Let go, Abbey...Come with me." 

Pressed so tightly against him, his shaft buried deep and her clitoris rubbing against the course hair at his groin it didn't take much pleading. 

"Jeeeeeeeeeed." Her cry of his name was muffled against the curve of his neck; and when he felt her teeth clamp down on the skin at his shoulder, it was too much. He gave a few harsh grunts and then deeply groaned her name as he exploded into the body that continued to milk him even as he came...and came and came. Abbey felt the hot violent spurts fill her causing tiny climaxes to continue to ripple through her until she was overflowing with his seed and it trickled down over their skin. 

Out of breath, overwhelmed by the intense encounter, Abbey lay sprawled on top of Jed her body still clenching every so often with the aftershocks as Jed's penis continued to pulse inside her every so often with weaker emissions. 

"Oh, Lord...sweet thing," Jed moaned. "I don't think I'm ever going to stop coming." 

"Me either," Abbey sighed. "S'okay...We can spend the rest of our lives laying here coming together." 

"Sounds like a plan to me." Jed's fingertips played up and down her spine and over her soft buttocks. 

"There's only one problem with this scenario." Abbey propped her elbow on Jed's chest, resting her chin on her palm and gazing down at him, at his soft satiated sky blue eyes and she ran her fingertip over the small cleft in his chin, just under his bottom lip. 

"No problems." Jed kissed the finger that was now tracing over his lips. 

"I'm starved. It's suppertime." 

"We can call down for a couple of steaks." 

"Steaks?" 

"I need a little protein after that work out." He squeezed her rear. 

"I couldn't help it. You just looked amazingly hot in your new underwear." 

"Really? Those new things you bought me you really do it for you?" 

"Uh huh." 

"Hmmm...Guess I'll have to wear them more often if they get you this hot and bothered." 

"YOU get me this hot and bothered. And it's not just the underwear. It's everything. You've been amazingly understanding with everything that's going on with Nora and I've really been counting my blessings lately. I love you, sexy underwear or no sexy underwear. But..." She pulled herself up off of him causing them both to moan softly with disappointment at the lost connection. "I'm hungry now. I think we have some left over barbecued ribs and potato salad in the fridge." She pressed a wad of Kleenex between her thighs and got to her feet. 

"Oh, I'm all over that." Jed swung his legs over the side of the bed. 

"I thought you might be. Why don't we clean up and go eat." 

"Okay by me." They showered together to save time and by the time Jed came out of the bathroom, Abbey – barefooted, wearing faded jeans and a "Georgetown" T-shirt Zoey had bought her, her wet hair pulled back into a ponytail – was stripping the bed. 

"What are you doing?" he asked. "We have maids to do that. I'm hungry." 

"Jed, we made a mess on these sheets." 

Jed grinned. Despite having a housekeeper for much of their married life and now having a HUGE domestic staff in the White House, there were some things that Abbey still found too intimate to allow strangers to attend to, and changing sex stained sheets was one of them. 

"You know," he came up behind her. "It's pretty easy to see what the two of us were up in here. Is that going to bother you if Nora's up and about?" 

Abbey thought for a minute. "No, you were right. We shouldn't change who we are. There's nothing wrong with showing affection in front of her. In fact I think it will be good for her to see what a loving committed relationship can be like." 

"Abbey," Jed's eyes narrowed. "You do remember that she's a nun. No matchmaking." 

"I'm not matchmaking. It's much too soon for that." 

"What do you mean by that cryptic little comment?" 

"Just that I'm not so sure Nora is going to return to the convent. And, if she doesn't? Well, you never know..." 


	22. Time to Heal, A

"I want pipstick, too, Mommy." Aislinn left the pile of "little people" she was playing with on the floor of her parents' bedroom as soon as she saw her mother leaning forward into the mirror applying lipstick. 

"I'll let you have a dab of lipstick as soon as you pick up your toys." 

"I can't, Mumma." 

"Why can't you? Your arms don't look broken to me." 

Before Aislinn could answer, Nicholas came racing out of the bathroom with Jed not far behind. 

"Smell me, Mumma," he insisted. 

Abbey raised a wry brow at Jed. "That demand is so much nicer now that he's out of diapers." She bent down and sniffed her little boy, smiling at the familiar scent of bay rum. "You smell like Daddy." 

"Uh huh," Nicky beamed, grinning ear to ear. "Daddy putted it on. He goed..." his pudgy little hands tapped his cheeks mimicking the way that Jed slapped his jaw with aftershave. 

Irritated with the loss of attention, Aislinn threw herself dramatically to the floor and lay on her belly with a deep sigh. 

"And what do we have going on here?" Jed asked. 

"We have a little girl who isn't listening." Abbey informed him. "She's supposed to be picking up her toys." 

"Aislinn, why aren't you listening to your mother?" 

"I can't, Daddy." She looked up at him curls askew, sea colored eyes two big pools of misery. "My legs is BWOKEN." 

Abbey bit her lip to keep a smile from crossing her lips. "They weren't broken five minutes ago when you were dancing around the room," she reminded her. 

"But they is bwoken NOW." 

"Well, let's see." Jed bent down and ran his hands up and down her little legs. "Oh dear. I'm not a doctor but these legs do appear to be broken. That's really too bad because I was so looking forward to dancing with you at the party tonight like we've been practicing. I guess it just wasn't meant to be. There won't be any partying at all for you tonight. You're going to have to hop right into bed and rest those broken legs." 

Panic now filled Aislinn's eyes and she clambered quickly to her feet. "No, no, Daddy. I all better...see." She began jumping up and down first on one leg then the other. 

"Well, I guess I was mistaken. But then again, your mother is the doctor, not me. Next time I'll make sure that she examines you. But since there isn't any problem with your legs, I want you to go pick up your toys." 

Realizing that she had been tricked, Aislinn gave him a dejected look designed to make him feel like the traitor he was. But, not wanting to take a chance with being put to bed without going to the party, she begrudgingly began picking up her toys. 

"Thank you," Abbey whispered, kissing Jed's cheek as they watched Aislinn pick up her toys. "Tantrum averted." 

"I've still got it," Jed pumped his fist. 

"Abbey?" Nora peeked around the corner of the bedroom door Annie had left open when she had come in looking for a pair of earrings to borrow. When she saw Abbey wearing just a short black lace slip and that Jed was present, she immediately backed out. 

"Come on in, Nora," Abbey called out. 

Nora entered the room slowly as if she were walking through a minefield, which was exactly how she felt. She wore her thick terrycloth bathrobe clutched closed tightly at her neck and yet she still felt exposed. 

"Where's your dress? You're still coming to the party, aren't you?" 

Nora cast a wary glance to where Jed was tucking his dark forest green shirt into black slacks. She wasn't sure if she'd ever get used to being in the same room as a man in such casual circumstances – especially a man like Jed who exuded such masculinity, power and blatant sex appeal and who had no qualms about showing his affection and sexual attraction to his wife. 

"Yes, I'm still coming. It's just...I need some help." 

"What's wrong?" 

Nora felt foolish. Abbey was standing in front of her wearing only a lacy satin black slip and here she was embarrassed to open her robe enough to bare her upper back, but try as she might, she just couldn't be nonchalant about her body. She leaned in whispering so only Abbey would hear. 

"I can't zip my dress all the way up." 

"No problem. Turn around." 

Reluctantly, Nora dropped the robe off of her shoulders. Abbey stifled a grin at her cousin's modesty. Nora was completely dressed from the neck down save for the few inches left to be zipped at the back of her extremely modest dress, yet you'd think she was taking off her clothes and posing in the nude. 

"Daddy, I all done." Aislinn stood at her father's feet, arms outstretched urging him to pick her up, which he did. He glanced over to see that she had indeed picked up all her "little people" and "My Little Ponies" and put them in the bag she had brought over from the nursery. 

"You did a good job." He chucked her under the chin with his finger. Aislinn giggled and snuggled into his chest, then pulled back her head and gave him a puzzled look, her finger reaching out to push in on his right pectoral muscle. 

"Daddy, why you don't gots big boobies like Mommy?" 

"Um...well..." Jed cleared his throat, flashing a bemused gaze across the room at Abbey who was now grinning and Nora whose face had turned a decided shade of red. 

"Get ready to join my world," Abbey whispered to Nora. The two women turned their attention back to Jed and his answer. But, Jed was nonplussed; he was a veteran father of daughters and had been through all these questions before. As the only male in the house until recently, he had quite intrigued his young daughters over the years. 

"I'm a man, and men don't have boobies." 

"Only girls gets boobies?" 

"Yup, only girls." 

"I's a girl and I don't got boobies." 

"Yes, you do. They're just little right now." 

"Mommy gots big boobies." 

"Yes, she does." Jed cast a lascivious little wink Abbey's way. He knew his wife's measurements exceedingly well. "That's because Mommy's a big girl and you're a little girl. When Mommy was a little girl, she didn't have big boobies either." 

Aislinn nodded. That made sense. "Nicky's not gonna get boobies?" 

"Nope, he's going to be a man, just like me and you'll be a woman just like Mommy." 

"Okay." Satisfied with her father's answer she squirmed to get down and scampered over to Abbey stopping in front of her and looking up at her with closed eyes and pursed little lips. "I get my pipstick now?" 

"Mom, did you say Annie could borrow these earrings?" Elizabeth strode into the room showing her a pair of small diamond hoops. 

"Yes, I did." 

"They're diamonds. She's thirteen." 

"Annie and I already discussed it. I'm trusting her to take very good care of them." 

"Okay," Liz sighed. "As long as you're okay with it." 

"Mom, do you have any extra sheer black hose?" Zoey entered the room with a pair of panty hose pushed halfway up her arm. "I just put a run in mine and I didn't bring any extra black." 

"Top left drawer," Abbey didn't look up from where she was putting a tiny dab of lipstick on Aislinn's lips. 

"Abs, where are the gold shamrock cufflinks you gave me for Christmas?" She glanced up out of the corner of her eye and saw Jed digging through one of her jewelry boxes. 

"Not that one. They're in my blue jewelry box under the top tray." 

"Thanks." Jed found the cufflinks slid them into the holes at his wrist then walked to Abbey with outstretched arms. Abbey expertly attached the links barely even looking at what she was doing, received a quick kiss for her efforts, then turned her attention back to slipping Aislinn's shamrock trimmed emerald green velvet dress over her head. 

Nora was in awe watching Abbey in wife and mother mode. Her cousin was an unflappable calm presence in a sea of chaos and she seemed to be able to juggle so many things at once without batting an eye. She was brushing Aislinn's hair – or taming her curls as she called it – when Jed announced that he and Nicky were going to wait out in the living room so the women could finish getting ready in peace. Nora figured that his leaving was for her benefit. He hadn't seemed particularly discomforted by his daughters running in and out the bedroom half dressed, nor of course his wife. And they in turn were not nonplussed by his presence. So, she could only conclude he was leaving because of her lack of ease in the situation. 

"Now, little miss, how are we going to do your hair tonight?" Abbey asked Aislinn. "Do you want a ponytail, pigtails or a hair band?" 

"Um...I want two pigtails – with bows." 

"Pigtails it is then. Nora, would you mind going into the bathroom and getting me the container of hair ties? They're on the second shelf of the medicine cabinet." 

"Sure. No problem." Nora made her way into Abbey and Jed's bathroom, yet another minefield as far as she was concerned. 

"Mommy, let go." Aislinn tried to squirm from where Abbey held a fistful of her wispy blond curls into a pigtail. 

"As soon as Aunt Nora brings out your hair ties." Abbey looked at the bathroom a couple of times. It seemed to be taking Nora an awfully long time to find what she needed. Finally, she let go of Aislinn's hair and made her way to the bathroom. She stood silent and bemused in the doorway as she saw Nora examining a box with wide eyes. 

"Bet you haven't seen those in a long time." 

"Abbey!" Nora gasped and dropped the box as if it were a hot potato. "I...I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to snoop. I was looking for the hair ties and the box...well...it was right there." 

"It's okay, Nora. It's not a big deal, really. They're just condoms." 

"You use birth control?" 

"Yes, actually I'm on the pill, but we've used the condoms as a back up. Before you tell me that doing anything to artificially stop procreation is against the teachings of the church, let me just say I remember everything Sister Superior drilled into our heads and I've heard it all from my mother-in-law. Like most Catholics, Jed and I don't agree with church doctrine in this instance and we've used different types of birth control throughout our marriage. If you really knew the two of us– Well, let's just say I'd probably have at least a dozen kids hanging off my skirts if we didn't use birth control. This isn't the Middle Ages anymore or even the turn of the previous century. Women don't have to risk their health and their bodies anymore by being pregnant from 18 to 45. We have careers and choices and one of those choices can now be when to conceive a child and how many. Of course that isn't always the case, sometimes things happen in spite of your best efforts." 

"Nicholas and Aislinn?" 

"And Elizabeth. With Liz there was no excuse except youthful indiscretion and raging hormones. Jed and I had waited so long to make love. We'd come close a couple times, but we wanted to wait until we got married. Then we got engaged, and well, one thing led to another and the next thing I knew I was losing my virginity in the loft of his grandparent's barn. With Nicky and Aislinn, it was a case of one glass of wine too many and the fact that I'd forgotten to pack my birth control pills on a trip we took to India. I wanted Jed and my inhibitions were down, I told myself that at my age playing a little Russian roulette was a pretty safe endeavor." 

"Guess that wasn't the case." 

"Nope. A few weeks later, I missed my period and was throwing up morning, noon and night. I knew I was pregnant. I knew my body, knew all the signs, but I was still shocked when the test and the doctor confirmed it." 

"Well, I want you to know that I wasn't condemning you. About the...you know...I don't have any right to fight that battle. I don't really even know what it's like to live life as a woman. I never particularly felt like a woman at the convent. I had a period, but as I was never going to conceive a child, it was nothing but a pointless mess. I had breasts but they were superfluous mounds of tissue. They would never nurse a child or be used to attract a man. I was for all intent and purpose, asexual." 

Abbey thought for a long moment of being denied all that made her a woman, not just the fertility or ability to nourish her child from her body, but denied the fun and excitement of dressing for a night on the town, of trying new hairstyles and new outfits. Denied of dancing the night away in the arms of the man she loved then making love with him and being held protectively against his chest until morning. Denied of rocking her young children to sleep or of crying over sad movies with her older daughters. Denied the shopping sprees with her friends and girls night outs drinking margaritas and laughing together or commiserating and comforting as the case may be. Denied the contrary, befuddling, tempestuous, tender, passionate, nurturing, hormonal, obstinate, emotional complexities that made her female. 

"MOOOOMEEEE!" Aislinn stood indignantly in the doorway. "I want to go to the PARTY." 

"Okay, okay, I'm coming, I'm coming." Abbey reached into the medicine cabinet and grabbed a small plastic container that held hair ties, then joined her daughter to put her hair up. 

Aislinn – in her flouncy, shamrock trimmed, green velvet dress – was the first out of the bedroom skipping her way over to where her father sat waiting. Matching shamrock satin hair ribbons held her pretty blond curls in two little pigtails. 

"Oh, blessed be me darlin'," Jed's brogue was as wide as his grin. "Aren't ye the prettiest little Irish lass that ever did exist." 

Aislinn paused before him and did a twirl. Abbey watched her flirting little girl with a smile as she followed her into the room. Jed's eyes turned to his wife who was wearing a halter styled jade green silk dress that matched her eyes and dipped mouth wateringly low at the chest and tantalizing brushed the very top of her knees. A thin jade and pearl necklace dropped in three delicate tiers around her slender neck – each one falling lower than the next and four-inch stilettos made her legs look a mile long. He gave a low admiring wolf whistle as he continued to survey her appearance up and down with obvious appreciation. 

"And here's the sexiest Irish lass that ever did exist." 

Abbey gave him a cute little wrinkle of her nose and he stepped forward to kiss her lightly on the lips. 

"None of that," Zoey laughed, entering the room. "We have a party to get to." 

"How right you are, darlin'." Jed surveyed the room, his chest swelling with love and pride as Liz and Annie joined them. "It's a lucky man I am to be surrounded by such beautiful lasses on this fine evening." 

"What about me?" Nicholas looked up at his father with the same cute wrinkle in his nose that Abbey had. Jed was feeling rather sentimental this night having his whole family with him and just seeing his wife in their son's face caused his voice to thicken. 

"Well, Nicholas, me boy. You are fine looking lad indeed." He ruffled Nicky's hair but his eyes were shifting around the room filled with red haired women. There was a blonde missing. He turned questioning blue eyes to Abbey. 

"Where's Ellie?" 

"She'll be here." Abbey assured him. 

Jed nodded. He might have questioned that in the past, might have let it worry him, but not anymore. His bond with his middle daughter was deeper and more solid than it had been since she was a child. If Ellie said she was going to be there, she'd be there. 


	23. Time to Heal, A

> _When Irish eyes are smiling,  
>  Sure, 'tis like the morn in Spring.   
> In the lilt of Irish laughter   
> You can hear the angels sing.   
> When Irish hearts are happy,   
> All the world seems bright and gay.   
> And when Irish eyes are smiling,   
> Sure, they steal your heart away_   
>    ( _When Irish Eyes Are Smiling_ by Chauncey Olcott, George Graff, Jr. and Ernest Ball)

Ellie smiled as she entered, quite appropriately, the green room, where the St. Patrick's Day party was well under way. Green beer and green apple martinis were flowing. Platters of corned beef and crocks of Irish stew sat on a long table with big crystal bowls of some kind of green punch and her father, bless his Irish soul, was basking in being the center of attention while he, her grandfather and Leo McGarry sang a rendition of _When Irish Eyes are Smiling_. 

Abbey was enjoying watching her husband, father, and Leo singing when she noticed her middle daughter had arrived with a slight bespeckled young man at her side. She noticed also the moment Sam Seaborn made note of her arrival, his eyes narrowing as he took in the rather nerdy looking young man on her arm. Abbey sighed. Vic Faison looked completely ill at ease and totally out of his element at the loud, raucous party filled with family and friends. The one other time that Abbey had met the young man, he had seemed to her to be a complete introvert – one of those brilliant intellectuals who were so socially inept they became damn near recluses. It was something she had feared in her own middle daughter, that Ellie would become so wrapped up in her work, in her research, that she would forget there was a whole world out there just waiting for her to embrace it. Instinctively, and with the wisdom of years, Abbey knew that Vic was not a good match for Ellie, that they would only play off each other's insecurities. On the other hand, Sam moved with ease, comfortable in his own skin, confident in his place as friend and colleague of the President. Seeing the two men together in the same room made their differences all the more apparent. 

"You look a little preoccupied," Jed sidled up to Abbey with a newly filled mug of green beer. 

"There are so many undercurrents here tonight." 

"I assumed you mean Ellie and Sam?" Jed's eyes followed to where Ellie and Sam were casting wary looks across the room at each other. He could see the jealousy that slowly burned inside of Sam and the guilty flush on his daughter's cheeks. He felt for the boy. He remembered exactly how he had felt back in college when he had seen Abbey with Ron Erhlich, the utter burn of jealousy and the need to rip her away from the man she had once dated. It couldn't be easy for Sam to see Ellie at the party with another man and as far as he could see, Ellie was as uncomfortable about it as Sam was. 

From the moment that his middle daughter had emerged from Abbey's body into his hands and opened those milky blue newborn eyes for her first view of the world, he had fallen in love with the miracle that was Ellie. Now for the first time since she was born, he was able to see that another man might actually love her as well. A sweet sad pang stabbed momentarily at his heart with the idea that he might no longer be the only man his daughter loved. But, it was quickly extinguished with the thought that the man in question was Sam – honest, brilliant, trustworthy, idealistic, compassionate Sam. He couldn't have chosen a kinder, better man for his daughter. Jed's eyes then fell to the fruitfly guy, who was tugging uncomfortably at his buttoned up shirt as he tried to sink back into the wall, and he rolled his eyes. Now if only Ellie would come to her senses and embrace the future she could have with Sam. 

"And Liz and Doug. They haven't danced together once tonight. Doug's been working the room like this is a party fundraiser. I don't think Liz is quite as keen on his running for congress as she has led us to believe." 

"Has she said anything?" 

"No. Mother's intuition. I don't know. I haven't had a good feeling about them for a very long time. I don't think Elizabeth is very happy. She's changed so much over the past few years." 

"Well, responsibility and motherhood will do that to a woman." 

Abbey looked at him with surprise. "Did it do that to me? Did I become so humorless and loose all my passion and optimism for life?" 

"You?" Jed lifted a brow. "Of course not. But then again, you're unique, darlin' mine." 

"Speaking of unique, look who just walked in." 

Jed gazed up to see Jane O'Neill enter the room in a smart stylish pantsuit. On her arm was a flamboyant red haired woman wearing a flowing chiffon dress of sea foam green, a darker green feather boa draped around her shoulders. With her spiky short-cropped orange-red hair, she reminded Abbey a lot of Shirley MacLaine. 

"Abbey. Jed." Jane embraced her sister and brother-in-law. "I'd like you both to meet Vivian Carstairs. Vivian, this is my sister, Abbey and my brother-in-law, Jed." 

"Vivian." Abbey plastered her gracious First Lady smile on her face as she shook the other woman's heavily ringed fingers and tried to keep herself from making snap judgments. "We've heard so much about you." 

"I've heard a lot about you too. Jane thinks so highly of you I was actually afraid to meet you. I think if you put the kibosh on things, she'd dump me in a minute." 

"Vivy, that isn't true," Jane protested. But Abbey noted the blush that touched Jane's cheeks. 

"Well, before you hear it from anyone else, I may as well give you my biography. I'm twelve years older than Jane. I was married three times before realizing that men are not really where it's at for me, no offence, Mr. President. I don't have any children. I've had a few other relationships with women but nothing serious. I'm independently wealthy, made a slew of B horror flicks in the late 60's and 70's – the money of which was invested wisely by my second husband – so I'm not after Jane's money or the prestige of dating the First Lady's sister. Abbey...may I call you Abbey?" 

Abbey nodded with a touch of wide-eyed humor. 

"Abbey, I want you to know that, regardless of my past, regardless of what I look like to you, I love your sister and I want to spend the rest of my life with her." 

"Well...I..." It wasn't often that Abbey Bartlet was at a loss for words but then again it wasn't often that people had the cojones to come on as strong with her as Vivian Carstairs was doing at the moment. "I appreciate your honesty and I'm glad to hear that you love my sister." Abbey cast an affectionate look Jane's way. "That's all I've ever wanted for her." 

"Good, I'm glad we're on the same page then." 

" _Terror in Transylvania_!" Jed burst out with the title as if it were the final question in a game show. 

"Uh, honey buns, I think you've had a few too many of these." Abbey moved to take the mug of beer from Jed's hand. 

"No," Jed pulled his hand away. "That's where I've seen you – well, her." He turned to Vivian. "You were the Bride of Frankenstein." 

Vivian smiled broadly. "Why yes, I was. Played her twice as a matter of fact." 

"I KNEW it. I knew I'd seen you before." 

"Are you a fan of horror movies?" 

"Not as a rule, but at seventeen, well..." Jed trailed off. 

"Say no more," Vivian laughed. "You went to see it because of Babette St. Onge." 

"Guilty," Jed nodded sheepishly. 

"Who is Babette St. Onge?" Abbey was intrigued by her husband's reaction. 

"She was the heroine of the film – or I should say the cheesecake attraction. She spent most of the movie running around screaming and bouncing those double D knockers of hers all over the place. Sort of like _Baywatch_ in Transylvania." 

"Really." Abbey clicked her tongue on the roof of her mouth and shook her head at her husband. "And you thinking about becoming a priest? I must say, I'm really shocked, Jed." Humor danced in Abbey's eyes. 

Looking for a way out, Jed saw Leo within shouting distance. "Leo, it's the Bride of Frankenstein!" He called out. 

Leo turned with a look of horror. He couldn't believe that Jed had drunk so much that he was referring to a quest as the Bride of Frankenstein. He made his way quickly to his friend's side to do a little damage control and his eyes widened. 

"You ARE the Bride of Frankenstein." 

Vivian chuckled. "Let me guess, another Babette St. Onge fan." 

Leo cleared his throat..."Well, um, she was a good actress." 

"Bullshit," Vivian laughed with the others. "I was the good actress. I just didn't have the chest to flash around. And, by the way," she turned to Abbey, "I see your husband never lost his penchant for a good rack." 

Abbey's eyes widened. "And here I thought Lord John wasn't invited to this shindig," she murmured. 

Jed laughed, his eyes dipping to his wife's generous cleavage. "Nope. I know what I like. And I'd take Abbey over Babette St. Onge any day." 

"Oh, be still my heart," Abbey fanned herself sarcastically. "What a romantic you are, Mr. President." 

"All right, all right. Before you get these two really going, I'm going to bring you over to meet my parents." Jane dragged Vivian off and Abbey called Jed on his reaction. 

"You think it's funny when Vivian makes a comment about my chest, but you were less than humored with Lord John's comments. What gives on that?" 

"Vivian didn't have her hands out asking for permission to GRAB your breasts." 

"You know, I've often wondered, what do you think he would have done if I'd granted him permission." Abbey gave her husband sassy little smile. "Maybe next time he asks I'll tell him to go right ahead." 

"Over my dead body," Jed growled. 

"You're sounding awfully possessive, Mr. President." 

"Damn straight. I'M the only one who grasps those breasts, now and forever." 

"Mr. President," Charlie stepped up behind Jed needing to let him know that the cake was ready to be rolled in whenever he wanted. "Sorry to interrupt." 

"Charlie." Abbey acknowledged him before Jed did. "Just the man I wanted to see. Would you please see if you can get a copy of the movie _Terror in Transylvania_ for a showing here in the White House." 

" _Terror in Transylvania_?" Charlie frowned. It was hardly the type of movie the First Couple usually requested. "I've never heard of it." 

"It was released in 1968 and stars a woman named Babette St. Onge." 

"Okay, ma'am, I'll check it out for you." 

Abbey turned to glance at her husband. "Never hurts to check out the competition." With a saucy grin, she chucked Jed under the chin and with a sway of her hips she was off to get another green apple martini. 

After getting her drink, she made her way over to supervise Lawrence Melrose, the official White House photographer as he took formal pictures of her children. Aislinn and Nicholas sat side by side in all their festive glory – Aislinn with her shamrock trimmed dress and hair ribbons and Nicholas with his matching shamrock embroidered suspenders. Max sat on one side of them, Panda the other. Each dog had a big green bow around its neck. Lawrence had only taken a couple of pictures when the lights suddenly dimmed and the room went quiet. Abbey frowned and turned just as the double doors burst open and everyone shouted "Surprise!" She still wasn't sure what was going on until she saw Jed walking in beside a cake the stewards were wheeling on a cart and everyone began singing _Happy Birthday_. 

"Abbey, me darlin', come here and blow out ye candles." Jed's brogue was back thick as ever. Abbey moved forward with a smile urging Nicholas and Aislinn to follow her to help her blow out the candles. The cake was gorgeous decorated with green shamrocks and roses and the saying "For A True Irish Beauty, Happy Birthday, Abbey!" A great cheer filled the room when the candles were extinguished and Jed lifted his glass in a toast. 

" _To, my Wild Irish Rose, The sweetest flower that grows. You may search everywhere, but none can compare with my wild Irish Rose._ Happy Birthday, my love." 

Abbey smiled up at him, reaching a hand out to stroke gently over his jaw. She mouthed the words "I love you" just before she kissed him. But, what started out as a quick thank you kiss deepened as Jed pulled her up against him and opened his mouth caught up in the passionate feelings of his love her. Swept away, Abbey forgot the room was filled with family and friends and that they were putting on quite a display until the wolf whistles and catcalls brought them back to their senses. She broke away from Jed and rested her forehead on his chest turning to their guests with a sheepish smile 

"Guess we got a little carried away." 

"Live in the moment, lass!" Jed's drunk Uncle Norman called out from the back of the room making everyone laugh and getting Abbey and Jed through the awkward moment. 

**** 

The Bartlets were kind, warm people and incredibly normal and down to earth for such a powerful family. Nora had started out at the party feeling like a stranger, even if she was technically a flesh and blood member of the family, but as the evening wore on she felt more and more comfortable and more like she belonged. Abbey's daughters made it a point to talk to her and, of course, Millie and her Uncle Michael and Aunt Beth had kept a watchful eye over her. Still, Nora was most comfortable observing. She liked watching Abbey. She was still coming to grips with saying good-bye to the teenage Abbey she had known so well and saying hello to this new fascinating woman...wife and mother. The love that Abbey had for her family radiated from within. It shone in her eyes and was expressed in the soft caresses she gave her husband and children as she spoke with them. Affection was something new for Nora and it was touching to see love so unabashedly displayed for all to see and to feel it herself. As Abbey approached her, she reached out a hand to her, just as she did with her family. Nora's eyes were drawn to the emerald and diamond necklace that Jed had placed around Abbey's neck as his birthday gift to her, replacing the simpler jade one she'd had on earlier. It had created quite a stir in the room, the women all eager to see the spectacular glittering jewels that Abbey now wore. 

"Are you having a good time?" Abbey asked. 

"I am. Other than the fact that we're in the White House and that you have a real Celtic band playing rather than just cousins Brian and Connor on the fiddles, this reminds me of the parties we used to have at Grandpa Terry and Grandma Peg's." 

Abbey nodded. She'd loved family get-togethers at her grandparents' home outside Montpelier, Vermont. Terence O'Neill was a doctor, a rural GP, back in the days when doctors still made house calls and Peg cared for the couple's large brood of six children – one of whom was Nora's father, Francis, and another who was Abbey's father, Michael. Abbey remembered spending time in the summer at their small farm helping her grandmother collect eggs from the chicken coop, milk cows and can the vegetables she farmed from her own garden, all the while singing songs from "the old country" – sad Irish ballads of the beautiful oppressed land her ancestors had been forced to flee for a better life, a life devoid of famine. But there was also a lot of laughter, music and dancing, jigs and reels and most of all – family. When Jed had joined the family, he had fallen in love with the O'Neill St. Patrick's Day festivities and they tried to get over to Montpelier for it whenever they could. And, when they couldn't – and after Terry and Peg were gone – they'd kept up their own party traditions. 

"Oh...listen..." Nora turned her attention to the band. "It's _Donnybrook Fair_." 

Abbey smiled and nodded toward the dance floor as Elizabeth, Ellie and Zoey took their spots. "Watch." 

"Abbey. You taught them how to jig." Nora was delighted. She, Abbey, Jane and their other female cousins had learned the dance almost as soon as they were able to walk. 

Abbey nodded. "Me and Grandma Peg. My mother never could get the hang of it. Says it's because she isn't Irish. Come on, let's get a little closer." Abbey edged through the crowd that surrounded her girls. Everyone was clapping along with the beat of the music, Jed clapping loudest of all. He was clearly enjoying their daughters' dance number. Just as she reached him and placed a hand on his back, she saw him turn to Toby with a wide smile. 

"Are those not three of the most beautiful colleens you've ever seen." 

Toby eyed the slender laughing girls on the dance floor, the two redheads that sandwiched the blonde, their feet moving with speed and grace. It was so nice to see Zoey laughing and carefree again. "I'm assuming colleen is Irish for girl, and if that's the case then, yes, your daughters are very beautiful, and they're good." 

Abbey's eyes moved along the edge of the crowd that lined the dance floor, stopping when they settled on Sam Seaborn. She left Jed's side and made her way over to the young man, gently touching his arm. Sam smiled down at her. 

"You're wearing your heart on your sleeve, Congressman," she told him. 

"What?" 

"Watching Ellie. You're wearing your heart on your sleeve." 

"It's that obvious," he sighed. 

"To someone with a vested interest." 

"And that would be?" 

"Seeing my daughter happy." 

"I love your daughter, Mrs. B. I don't think I realized how much until she shut the door on me." 

"Have you told her that?" 

"Excuse me?" 

"Have you told her that you love her, that you miss her?" 

"No." Sam hung his head. "Your daughter is the most complex, complicated woman that I've ever known. I just don't know what to do." 

"So you're just going to walk away? I'm not saying that my daughter doesn't have her share of demons, but are you going to let her go without a fight? 'Cause if you aren't willing to fight for love, Sam, well then you aren't half the man that I thought you were." 

Shocked, Sam simply stood watching the First Lady walk away from him back to her husband. At first her words had angered him, but then they got him to thinking. He had backed off from Ellie thinking that he was doing what was best for her. If Ellie truly didn't think that she could fit into his life, that they could have any kind of future together, then who was he to say that she was wrong. But, maybe Abbey Bartlet was right. Maybe it was wrong to turn his back on what he felt, what he KNEW Ellie felt. Maybe he just hadn't fought hard enough for a chance at that future. Maybe he hadn't fought hard enough for HER, and maybe tonight was just the night to change that. 

It took a while, but he was finally able to catch her on her own. Once she had finished dancing with her sisters, she made her way to the corner of the room to help Annie teach Aislinn, Nicholas and Gus how to jig as she, Liz and Zoey had just been doing. 

"Ellie." He touched her shoulder. 

Ellie glanced up, her cheeks flushing. 

"Sam, I'm busy." 

"Is this the way it's going to be then? We can't even talk?" 

"I don't think we have anything left to say." 

"Maybe you don't, but I do. Is that guy the kind of man that you really want?" He gestured dismissively to where Vic was seated alone near the band. 

"I don't think that's any of your business." She turned to walk away but he grabbed her arm. 

"Yes, it is my business. I LOVE you, Ellie Bartlet and I know that deep down inside you LOVE me. But you refuse to let yourself feel that love. You'd rather live this safe, sterile, passionless existence." 

"Maybe I'm just not passionate. Did you ever think about that?" 

"Oh, you're passionate all right. You're Jed and Abbey Bartlet's daughter. You just hide it very well. It scares you doesn't it, Ellie? It scares you to feel so strongly, to feel so passionately." 

Eyes brimming with tears Ellie yanked her arm away from him. "You don't know anything about me, Sam Seaborn." She turned to stride away from him. 

"You're wrong, Ellie" he called after her. "I know you'll never be happy with a guy like...OW!" Sam looked down to where a very fierce looking Nicholas Bartlet had just kicked him in the shin. 

"You made Ellie CWY!" 

"I'm telling my mommy." Aislinn headed off across the dance floor in pursuit of her mother who was at the moment being urged by her husband to take the microphone for a rendition of _Danny Boy_. 

"I guarantee you, there won't be a dry eye in the place by the time Abbey is done," Jed assured the group of people who had gone silent at the first strains of the sad, haunting ballad. Abbey closed her eyes for a moment to get into the melancholy mood and feel the music. She'd sung this song a hundred times and it never failed to move her. 

_"Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling_  
From glen to glen, and down the mountain side   
The summer's gone, and all the flowers are dying   
'Tis you, 'tis you must go and I must bide." 

"But come ye back when summer's in the meadow   
Or when the valley's hushed and white with snow   
'Tis I'll be here in sunshine or in shadow   
Oh Danny boy, oh Danny boy, I love you so." 

"And if you come, when all the flowers are dying   
And I am dead, as dead I well may be   
You'll come and find the place where I am lying   
And kneel and say an "Ave" there for me." 

"And I shall hear, tho' soft you tread above me   
And all my dreams will warm and sweeter be   
If you'll not fail to tell me that you love me   
I'll simply sleep in peace until you come to me"   
   ( _Danny Boy_ – Lyrics by Frederick Weatherly, Tune: Londonderry Air) 

The room was silent, sentimental tears shining not only in the eyes of the President, but in everyone in the room. Then Jed stepped forward and bent to kiss his wife's cheek. 

"Beautiful as always, darlin'." 

Abbey smiled and wiped the tear from the corner of her eye. As she did so, she saw her Ellie standing at the back of the room wiping the tears from her own eyes as she fled from the room. 

"Jed, honey, will you excuse me." 

"Of course." He, too, had seen Ellie exit the room for the portico. 

"Keep an eye on the kids and don't let them talk you into anymore of those green sprinkled sugar cookies. They've both already had one AND birthday cake. No more sugar tonight." 

"Yes, ma'am." 

"Daddy..." Aislinn tugged at his pant leg. 

"Yes, me angel." He lifted her into his arms swaying to the music with her. 

"That boy made Ellie cwy." 

"What boy, darlin'?" 

Aislinn scanned the room eyes narrowing when they laid on Sam Seaborn sitting slumped in a chair with a dejected look on his face. Jed's heart went out to him. 

"That boy." 

"Aww...sweetheart, he's a good boy. As soon as your sister realizes that, she won't cry anymore." 

**** 

"Ellie." 

Ellie quickly wiped at her eyes and turned to face her mother with a quivering smile. 

"You talked to Sam." 

"Why did Daddy have to invite him here tonight? Did you two think that I'd just see Sam and forget all our differences? Did you think I'd just fall into his arms and...and–" A sob caught in Ellie's throat and she hunched over wrapping her arms protectively around her midriff. 

"Oh, baby." Abbey pulled Ellie into her arms stroking her daughter's silky hair. "Your father invited Sam here tonight because Sam is his friend, OUR friend. And yes, maybe we hoped that seeing him might open the doors of communication between you two. Ellie, you've been absolutely miserable since you broke up with Sam and I'm sorry that seeing him has caused you such pain; but don't you think that if you feel this strongly just being in his presence that the two of you must have shared something very special, very meaningful." 

"I'm not saying we didn't. I've never felt what I feel for Sam for any other man, not ever." 

"Then, why, sweetheart?" Abbey tilted Ellie's chin to gaze into her watery blue eyes. "I know you're scared of what being with Sam will mean for your future, for your privacy; but for months I've watched you with him, watched you blossom. You were happy, Ellie. Why did you end it? That young man in the other room is in agony. He loves you." 

"I know he does and I love him, but you know sometimes love isn't enough. I know I panicked when the press got hold of our relationship and plastered it all over the papers. I ran and I hid and I HATE that I did that. But that isn't the only reason. It's just...Sam has been great. He's taken things very slowly with me, but at some point, a relationship deepens becomes more intimate and I took a chance on that once before and look what that brought me, bruises and shame." 

Abbey cupped her daughter's face in her hands thankful that she had an open enough relationship with her girls for them to be able to talk to her about these things. "Oh, honey. Please, I beg of you, do not make the mistake of assuming that all men are like Davis Hunter. You can't live your life like that. Believe me I know what I'm talking about." 

"I know you do, Mom." Pain darkened Ellie's eyes as she thought of her mother's traumatic past. 

"After what Marcus Hughes did to me, it wasn't easy for me to pick up the pieces, but your father got me through that. I'd look at him and feel the gentle way he'd just hold my hand or stroke my hair and I knew that I could trust him, that all men were not violent and dangerous and out to hurt me. Do you trust Sam?" 

Ellie shrugged then thought of Sam's sweet, gentle blue-green eyes. "I know Sam wouldn't hurt me like that. He has a kind soul." 

"Does he know about Davis?" 

"No," Ellie shook her head. "I was too embarrassed, too ashamed to tell him." 

"Tell him, Ellie. Let him know why you're so afraid." 

"But it's not just that, Mom," Ellie protested, pulling out of her mother's embrace to pace. "Sam could hurt me so much more than Davis ever could. Davis hurt me physically, but Sam could break my heart. I'm so scared, Mom. I'm afraid to let myself love Sam, because if I do and I find out that I just can't be part of his life, it's going kill me to walk away from him again and to disappoint you and Daddy." 

"Your father and I have nothing to do with this, Ellie. Life is all about choices. You can choose to take the safe path, the straight path with everything laid out before you, no ups and downs no peaks and valleys and curves, but, oh honey, what fun you'd be missing. Because by taking the safe path, you will have missed out on the risky path, the path of interesting twists and turns and the inability to see what's coming around the next bend. Where your life will end up will be a direct result of the choices that you make now. I can't tell you what to do or what choice to make. All I can tell you is that I never could have known when I met your father and chose to follow my heart down the path of risk and love that all these years later, after many ups and downs and twists and turns I'd be standing here in the White House talking to my daughter." 

"So, you're telling me you think I should take a chance with Sam?" 

"All I'm saying, Ellie, is that love is a rare and precious gift. Please don't turn your back on it." Abbey leaned forward and kissed her daughter's cheek then started back inside. As she reached the doorway, she paused and turned back to look at her. "Loving your father enough to share a path with him through life was the absolute best decision that I've ever made." 

Ellie sighed and leaned heavily against a pillar. Just a few moments later, she heard the click of shoes and turned expecting to see that her mother had returned. 

"Ellie, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to eavesdrop. I came out here to get some air and I heard what your mother was saying to you." 

"Yes...well..." Ellie squirmed uncomfortably. She had only just met Nora and she wasn't sure if she was thrilled with this woman knowing the intimate details of her life. 

"I don't mean to embarrass you. I just wanted you to know that I've been where you are right now, and like your mother, I can't tell you what decisions to make. I just hope that you think really hard about what you're doing, about what you want from life. I chose safety. I chose to protect myself from ever being hurt again. I let a man define the rest of my life and it's only by coming back now that I've realized how much that I missed. I look around at all the love that I closed myself off to, the kind of love that your parents share, not only with each other, but also with you and all their children and the rest of their family and friends. I just don't want you to get to my age and look back and wonder what might have been if you'd just had the strength to take a chance. And, now I'm going to leave you in peace." Nora gave her a sympathetic smile and turned for the door. 

"Aunt Nora–" 

"Yes, dear." 

"Thank you. I appreciate you...you know." 

"I know," Nora's smile warmed as she re-entered the party. There was something about Abbey's middle daughter that reminded her a lot of herself, an innate reserve and shyness that wasn't present in any of the others in Jed and Abbey Bartlet's brood. 

**** 

"Daddy, I don't wanna go night night." Nicholas sat on the floor clinging to his father's leg. 

"Mommy and I let you stay up way past your bedtime, but now it's time for you and Aislinn to go up to bed." Jed tried to step away but Nicholas continued to cling to his leg and Jed just ended up dragging him along. 

"No bed," Nicholas pleaded. 

Jed eyed Abbey who was swaying with their daughter in her arms. Aislinn's legs were wrapped around Abbey's waist, her cheek laying against her chest her thumb in her mouth. She could barely keep her eyes open. "How did you get the easy one?" he asked. 

Abbey smiled and kissed the top of Aislinn's head. 

"Hey, I need a little help here." Jed turned to one of the members of Celtic band that had been playing all evening. "It's time for my kids to go to bed. Could you play them a song to send them into sleepyland?" 

"Of course, Mr. President." 

"Did you hear that, Nicholas?" Jed bent to lift his son. "The band is going to play a song especially for you and Aislinn." 

As music filled the room, everyone joined Abbey and Jed in singing a lullaby for their children as they slowly danced them out of the room. 

_"Over in Killarney_  
Many years ago,   
Me Mither sang a song to me   
In tones so sweet and low.   
Just a simple little ditty,   
In her good ould Irish way,   
And l'd give the world if she could sing   
That song to me this day. 

"Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral, Too-ra-loo-ra-li,   
Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral, hush now, don't you cry!   
Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral, Too-ra-loo-ra-li,   
Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral, that's an Irish lullaby."   
   ( _Too Ra Loo Ra Loo Ral_ by James Royce Shannon) 

**** 

Still outside on the portico Ellie smiled at the lyrics. She couldn't count how many times either her mother or her father had sung that song to her as a little girl at bedtime. She thought about her parents, about the love they shared and all that they had taught her. Marriage between two independent, brilliant, driven people COULD work. She had seen it work day after day while growing up. It wasn't always perfect. There was fighting and shouting and anger, but so what? There was always an underlying respect and love in her parents' arguments and afterwards there was making up that was just as passionate, so much so that there were many times she and her sisters had been mortified at their behavior. 

Bad things had also happened throughout her parents' marriage. Her father had been diagnosed with M.S. and he had been shot and nearly killed; her mother had been raped and held by terrorists. They had both buried a child. Life had dealt them blows, but together they held on knowing their love was strong enough to get them through. That was the kind of all-consuming love that deep in her heart Ellie truly wanted. Fifty years from now when she was old and gray, she wanted to know that she had embraced life and that she had loved beyond measure. It was time to take a chance, to throw caution to the wind. There was still a chance that it still wouldn't work out with Sam, that she simply would not be able to overcome the obstacles in their relationship, but she'd never know if she didn't give herself the chance to find out. She thought of her mother, giving up her dream of the Peace Corps and putting off medical school to follow the man she loved to London. Trying out life on a path with Sam Seaborn could very well be the best decision she'd ever make, just as hopping on the plane to London had been for her mother. 

Sam...Ellie's heart lurched. She'd come here with another man. She'd pushed him away, ignored the fact that he'd said he loved her. What if he was gone? What if it was too late to make it up to him? 

**** 

"Are you leaving?" CJ stopped Sam, as he was about to depart the green room. 

"Yeah." That one word expressed all Sam's feelings of defeat. "Would you please say good night to the President and First Lady for me when they come back down." 

CJ's eyes grew soft with sympathy. "I will." 

"Well, good night." Sam left the room walking slowly with his head down toward the exit. Outside, he put his hands in his pockets and made his way to his car. 

"SAM!" 

Sam turned. There stood Ellie, the moonlight streaming over her soft blond beauty. 

"Ellie?" 

"Don't leave. Not yet. I...I'm sorry." As she approached, Sam could see the tears that trailed down her cheeks. "I've been so unfair to you. You were right. I was scared and I did run away." 

"It's okay, Ellie." Sam reached out a finger to gently wipe one of the tears from her cheek. "I understand." 

"No, it's not okay. If this is going to work between us, I can't run away every time I get upset over something in the press." 

"What do you mean 'if this is going to work between us'?" Hope flared Sam's eyes. "Are you willing to give us another chance?" 

"I love you, Sam. I owe it to you and to myself to see where this love will take us. I know it's not going to be easy. I'm not even sure I'll be able to handle it, but I don't want to be afraid anymore." 

"We'll take it slow," he smiled in a way that melted Ellie's heart. 

"There's something that you need to know though, before we can move on. I don't want there to be any secrets between us." 

Sam stood stock still while Ellie haltingly told him the story of her relationship with Davis Hunter. She saw the anger that flashed in his eyes, the way he gripped his hands into fists as she spoke of the beating he had given her and the surprise and admiration on his face when she got to the part where her father went to Davis' apartment and took care of things once and for all. And, when she was finished he gently took her into his arms. 

"I'll never hurt you, Ellie. I promise." 

Ellie gazed up at him, eyes shining with love. "I trust you, Sam." 

"Ellie," Zoey eyed her older sister with amusement. "Your, um, date is looking for you. Want me to tell him where you are?" 

Ellie turned narrowed eyes to Zoey. "Don't you dare." She turned back to Sam. "I have to go take care of this. I've been a horrid bitch to Vic tonight. I brought him here and pretty much ditched him for most of the evening." 

"Want me to come with you?" Sam felt the jealous stirrings churning within. 

"No, it's best if I do this myself. Trust me, Sam. He's just a friend. You're the man that I love." She tip-toed up to kiss him gently on the lips then re-entered the White House leaving Sam grinning like a fool in love. 

**** 

Jed quickly made his way from the Oval Office to the bedroom. It was late. The party had broken up over an hour ago and he'd had to make a quick overseas call before bed that ended up dragging on longer than planned. Now all he could do was hope that Abbey had stuck it out and waited up for him. He had a couple of birthday presents left for her that were meant to be given in private. He found that he was holding his breath as he entered the bedroom. He needn't have worried. Abbey lay stretched out on the couch in front of the fireplace wearing a deep emerald green satin negligee and matching peignoir, the emerald and diamond necklace he had given her earlier sparkled around her throat, and the flames from the fire brought out all the fiery highlights in her loose wavy strawberry blond hair. Her eyes were closed and as he got closer, he saw the book laying heavily on her chest _The Princes of Ireland_. It was Zoey's gift to her, and as he bent lower to remove her reading glasses, he inhaled the soft floral fragrance of _Innisfree_ , the perfume he gave her every year for St. Patrick's Day and their anniversary. 

"Abbey?" He trailed a finger along her collarbone. She shifted in her sleep but didn't wake up. His finger moved lower trailing along the lacy edge of her negligee, over the exposed swells of her full breasts. He watched the gooseflesh rise over her skin, watched her nipples harden to poke out at him under the satiny material that covered them. He smiled, a wicked, naughty little grin as he felt his groin begin to stir and his hand worked its way under the material, his fingertip sliding over Abbey's hard nipple, eliciting a soft sigh in her sleep and an instinctive arch to her back. He bent his head to the other nipple closing his mouth over it, fabric and all, his tongue pushing the rough wet lace against the sensitive little nub. 

"Mmm..." Abbey murmured dreamily. "Lord John, I told you that you could grasp my breasts, but as good as it feels, I don't think my husband will like you sucking on my nipples." 

Jed froze, his gaze snapping up to see his wife wide-awake, humor dancing in her jade green eyes. 

"Ahh..." He shook his head with a little pout. "You were having a little fun with me." 

"Sometimes you're SO easy." She sat up with a grin and ran her hand over his cheek. 

"I'm glad you waited up for me," He took her wrist gently turning her hand so he could kiss her palm. Abbey felt the electricity of his lips on her palm running straight through her arm to her womb. 

"You did ask me to save the last dance for you," she reminded him. 

Outside the room, Zoey and Nora made their way from the living room where they'd been watching an old movie to their respective bedrooms. The door was slightly open at Jed and Abbey's room and music and soft laughter spilled forth. 

"Oh, man, beware." Zoey rolled her eyes. 

"What?" 

"That's _Unchained Melody_ playing." 

"Yes?" 

"Whenever you hear that song playing you may want to wear a pair of earplugs." 

"Earplugs?" Nora was puzzled. 

"Yeah, you know, so you don't hear things that I as their child have no business hearing." Zoey shuddered. Hearing her parents making love, while something that wasn't uncommon, was still something that was incredibly uncomfortable. 

"Oh...OH..." Nora flushed a deep red and made her way quickly back to her bedroom. As she reached her own door, Zoey heard the muffled laughter coming from her parents' bedroom and had to smile. While hearing her parents in "the act" was uncomfortable, it was comforting to hear them like this, to know the ties that bound them were as tight as ever and that last fall in New Hampshire was just a bad memory. 

Inside the bedroom, the President and First Lady shared the last dance of the evening, an erotic dance that was theirs and theirs alone. Abbey had unbuttoned and unzipped Jed's slacks and her hands had slipped down inside the back of his pants to close over his rear, squeezing and stroking him. His erection was pressed up hard against her belly and she rubbed against it while his fingers dug into her hips keeping her body tight to his, his mouth fused to hers his tongue stroking her tongue. 

"Mommy...Mommy..." A little voice sounded outside the bedroom door. 

"Fuck." Abbey swore. Her body was on fire, shaking with desire. "I'm coming, Nicholas." 

"Well, you almost were," Jed grinned, giving her a little tap on the rear. 

"Mmm..." Abbey turned back to him with and evil little glint in her eye. She pulled at the elastic of Jed's boxer/briefs and gazed down at the bulbous tip of his engorged penis. She bent her head and kissed him there, her tongue giving a quick little swirl before she stood and left him there nearly moaning for more. "And now you almost were." She gave him a naughty little smile and admonished him with a wagging finger "And don't even think about finishing up without me." 

"What is it, sweetheart?" she asked Nicholas as she opened the door and found him still waiting on the other side rubbing his eyes sleepily. 

"I seep with you an' Daddy?" 

Abbey gazed back into the bedroom where Jed sat heavily on the edge of the couch. She knew she'd left him with a pretty good case of blue balls. "Not tonight, pumpkin pie." She lifted the boy into her arms and made her way down the hall to the nursery. It didn't take long to get Nicholas tucked back in after a quick pee and she rushed back to the bedroom eager to continue on where they had left off. Her body fairly hummed with anticipation when she found Jed naked lying under just a sheet. She was delighted to see by the tent that was formed over his hips that he hadn't lost any of his desire. 

"I have something for you," He crooked his finger to her suggestively. 

"I can see that you do," she grinned. 

Not wanting to waste time with any preliminaries, Abbey slid the peignoir off her shoulders letting it fall to the floor, then lifted her negligee up over her head and finished her walk to the bed completely naked save for the emeralds and diamonds that glittered at her throat. Jed's hips shifted thrusting upward against the sheet at the image she made – breasts bobbing gently as she walked, hips swaying enticingly, firelight casting shadows on the soft mysterious mound between her thighs. It was all he could do not to reach down and take hold of himself, to try to ease the throbbing ache that had continued on from the moment that she had placed her mouth on him. When she got close enough, Jed lifted the sheet. 

"Happy St. Patrick's Day." 

Abbey gave a soft chuckle at the sight of Jed's massively swollen penis sheathed in the glow in the dark green condom. "Oh, my, my, my, is that all for me darlin'?" Her own brogue was a spot on as Jed's. 

"He's all yours," Jed assured her. 

"Hmm...where to start." She pretended to ponder her options. 

"I have an idea." Jed propped himself up on his elbow and reached out a hand, slipping his first two fingers into the sleek wetness between Abbey's thighs. 

"Oh," Abbey sighed, biting her bottom lip. "I LIKE that idea." 

"I thought you might. Come a little closer darlin'." 

Abbey stepped up to the edge of the bed, her fingers curling tightly around the bedpost as Jed's lips played over her lower belly, the tip of his tongue entering her belly button as his fingers continued to stroke between her thighs. Abbey's eyes closed, all sensation focusing on what Jed was doing between her thighs. She watched him nuzzle into the soft curls of her mound, groaned when he rubbed his rough sandpapery jaw against her just as he slid first one, then two fingers in her sheath. He felt her quivering from the inside as his fingers moved in and out, pressing against the top of her vagina, rubbing against that spot he knew drove her insane with pleasure. He found it, felt it hardening, and heard Abbey's breath growing ragged, as she clung now to the bedpost. 

"Jed!" His name was torn from her throat as his tongue circled over her clitoris sucking at her even as his fingers still plunged deep inside her. "Oh, God..." She was moaning now, her body aflame with need rushing toward a peak that grew stronger and stronger with every stroke of his tongue and fingers. "Oh, God, baby...Oh, Jeeed....Baaaby!" 

Her thighs began to quiver, her stomach muscles tightening, her vagina clenching around his fingers and he knew she was about to come. At the first wave of climax, Jed gently closed his teeth around her clitoris and she screamed his name, fingernails digging into his shoulder, her orgasm ripping through her with a force that left her breathless and spent. Jed continued to stroke her throughout her climax giving her continuing little orgasms that all seemed to run one right into another. When finally her overly sensitized flesh could take no more, she grabbed his wrist and collapsed over him. 

"Stop, please, I can't come anymore." 

"Sure you can." 

To prove his point Jed laid her back on the bed and spread her thighs. 

"I can't move, Jed. I'm spent." 

"You don't have to move, sweetcakes. I'll take care of everything." Jed slid a pillow under Abbey's hips lifting her to him enticingly. She was beautiful, all pink and glistening with her arousal. He couldn't resist bending to give her a sweet little kiss there, felt the quiver of electricity that ran through her at his touch. Oh, no, she wasn't finished at all. 

Jed bent over and shut out the light plunging the room into darkness so that all Abbey could see was the huge glow in the dark erection heading her way. It was erotic to watch and anticipate the moment that Jed would start to penetrate her. Her fingers grasped at the sheets clutching tightly as Jed slowly slid inside her inch by inch and the two of them were able to watch it all until the glowing appendage was completely extinguished with Jed buried inside her to his hilt. And then he withdrew and started all over again until they were so caught up in the frenzy of lovemaking they could no longer watch where their bodies were joined. Eyes closed, Jed's breath coming in soft grunts every time he thrust in all the way to his hilt, Abbey's catching in the back of her throat with sexy little whimpers when he hit her womb, they clung together melded as one body driving to completion. And then Abbey heard it, the change in Jed's grunts to deep groans, his buttocks tightening, his thrusts become quicker and erratic and she knew he was about to come. She shoved her hands between their body and pushed up against his hips completely removing him from her body. Jed nearly screamed with frustration, he was so close, his balls tightly drawn ready to explode. He tried to thrust back inside her but Abbey held him off. 

"Wait," she gasped. She closed her finger and thumb around his base expertly to keep him from coming and peeled the condom off his penis. "I don't want this between us. I want to feel you come." 

Her words drove Jed wild, nearly sent him over the edge and he quickly plunged back inside, this time naked, feeling every inch of her hot slick sheath. He'd wanted to give her another orgasm before he came but it was too much, the overwhelming sensation of thrusting into her now without the condom sent him into completion and with only a few deep hard thrusts he climaxed. He needn't have worried about Abbey. At the first spurts of his semen, she, too, came, contracting around him and drawing out both their orgasms until they collapsed around each other in a pile of sweaty arms and legs. 

Outside the Presidential bedroom, a wide-eyed Nora stood frozen for a moment. Evidently, if the soft low voices, intimate laughter, and deeper moans were any indication, Zoey had been right about her parents and _Unchained Melody_. That the agents outside the door stood staring straight ahead without a flicker of acknowledgment at what was going on inside the bedroom gave her pause, made her think that maybe she had been wrong. And then a sharper female cry and a deeper harsh male groan caused her to race quickly down the hall to get the bicarbonate she had started out for to begin with. She knew now without a shadow of a doubt that Jed and Abbey had been having sex behind that door, passionate feel good sex. 

"What's wrong with you? You look like you just saw a ghost." Vivian Carstairs sat at the kitchen table sipping from a mug of tea. 

"I...um...well..." Nora stuttered. She simply was not capable yet of having these kind of frank discussions that seemed to go on all around her all the time. 

"Did you just come by way of the Presidential bedroom, by chance?" Vivian gave her a knowing rather lascivious smile. 

"Um...yes." 

"They're going at it like rabbits in there. But you know, I think it's great. It's about time we have a First Couple that get all hot and bothered with each other. I'll tell you, during my straight days, I would NOT having minded having a tumble with Mr. Jed Bartlet at all. No sirree Bob." 

Nora looked puzzled. "But I thought you...and Jane... that you..." 

"That we're a couple? We are. I'm bisexual." 

Seeing Nora's puzzled look Vivian explained further. "That means I have an attraction to both men and women. But that's all in the past. I'm with Jane now. I love her, you know." 

Nora wasn't sure her face could turn any redder. First, hearing the sounds of lovemaking outside Jed and Abbey's room and now this. There were times when she actually longed for the safety of the world she had left behind the walls of the convent. Everything out here was just so raw – pain, love, sex – she had left that all behind when she'd become a nun, but here the various members of the Bartlet family now laid it before her. 

"That makes you uncomfortable, doesn't it? Don't worry, a lot of people have that reaction." 

"It isn't just you," Nora's voice was barely a whisper. "There is a lot that makes me uncomfortable. But, you know, I'm in the real world now and I have to get used to it." 

Nora sipped from the bicarb she had made for herself and contemplated her future. Life with Abbey and her husband was new and more eye opening every day, but she wasn't going to be able to live here forever. They were a married couple, a married couple with a family; they didn't need her tagging along hearing things outside their bedroom door that she had no business being privy to. No, she had decisions to make, and as soon as she found out whether her kidney would be a match for Maggie or not, she could start making those decisions. 


	24. Time to Heal, A

"Well, Elizabeth, I'm glad that you were able to stay on and join us for our last family session." Sonia Chase leaned forward, her eyes focusing on the cool, poised eldest daughter of the President and First Lady. 

"I felt it was important as far as closure goes for me to be here. But, I don't understand why you didn't want my daughter here as well." 

"There is a method to my madness. We've heard from your parents. We've heard from your sisters, but we've yet to hear much from you. I thought maybe you'd be more open, more receptive to revealing your feelings if your daughter wasn't here." 

"I don't understand. I'm here to support my family. I wasn't part of the kidnapping. I really don't have much to say on the subject." 

"No?" Sonia's sharp eyes caught a slight squirm from Liz – a subtle loss of composure. "You're right you weren't kidnapped, but you were touched by the kidnapping." 

"Of course I was touched. My mother and my sisters were taken hostage, I wasn't sure if I'd ever see them again. Touched? I was terrified." 

"For them?" 

"Yes, for them, who else?" 

"You tell me." 

Liz clammed up arms crossed defensively over her chest. 

"Lizzie," Jed leaned over and touched her arm. "It's okay, be honest. Tell us what you were afraid of." 

Elizabeth's eyes held her father's for a long moment taking strength from the compassion she saw there and also the memory of how he – who had always tried to hide his weaknesses – had been able to bear his own soul in front of them. "I guess I was afraid of a lot of things. I was afraid that I was going to lose my mother and my sisters; that those terrorists were going to kill them and that if they did I'd lose you, too, Dad. I've never seen you like you were during the kidnapping. It was like a part of you was missing, like a part of you was gone. Physically, you were there but emotionally you had retreated so deeply within yourself it was scary. You weren't eating. You weren't sleeping and I was afraid that if anything happened to Mom and the girls that you would just continue on that way until you joined them in the afterlife." 

"I'm sure that it had to be very frightening to see your father that way," Sonia said. "Your father is a very strong, powerful man and seeing him taken down to his knees had to be very disturbing." 

"It was." Liz wiped at her eyes. "But there were other things that I was afraid of. I was frightened for my own kids. Scared that if Bartlets were being targeted my kids would be right up there on the top of the list." 

"You sound angry." 

"I was angry. I am angry. It isn't right what this world is coming to. It isn't right to bring innocent women and children into a battle that was never theirs to begin with. To use them as pawns and weapons against..." Liz stopped herself eyes widening in horror at what she's almost said. 

"Against who, Elizabeth?" Sonia gently prodded the young woman. 

Tears filled Elizabeth's eyes. She didn't want to hurt her father; her father had been the king of her world since her birth. Even as a married woman, she trusted her father far more than she trusted her own husband, a fact she refused to let herself dwell on. "Against my father," she choked. "Against what he did." 

"Are you angry with your father? Angry about what he did?" 

"Not anymore. Not now. But, I guess back then, yeah, I was angry. A part of me blamed him." 

"Why not now?" 

"Because I know the truth now. I know why he did what he did and that he really didn't have a choice. Doing what he did probably saved thousands of people even if it nearly cost him almost all that he held dear. I watched the torture that he went through while my mother and sisters were gone and it was as real as any torture they underwent. And, I know in my heart that if there had been any kind of threat he would have warned us...protected us. There is no way on earth he would have let Mom, Zoey and Aislinn go to the Olympics if he'd had any clue whatsoever that something was up, that there was any danger." 

"You sound very sure of that." 

Elizabeth turned to look at her father at the tears that glistened in his pain filled eyes and love for him swelled in her chest. "I am sure. My father is the most trustworthy man that I know. I trust my children's life with him." 

Jed reached out a hand taking hers and squeezing it with emotion. 

"Then let me ask you. In the beginning, when we were discussing guilt you said that like everyone else you felt a tremendous amount of guilt about what happened. Was that because you felt anger toward your father for what he'd done and how it had hurt your family?" 

Liz took a tissue and wiped at her eyes. "No...I felt guilty because...because..." She turned to look at her parents. "Because I was jealous of you having Aislinn and Nicholas." 

Sonia could see that neither Abbey or Jed had expected that one. They both looked shocked and confused. 

"You were jealous because your parents had two more children?" Sonia asked. 

"No, not because they HAD them... because they had them and I COULDN'T. My husband and I wanted another baby. My daughter Annie is not my husband's biological daughter. He wanted what he perceived to be his 'own' child and I wanted another baby as well. I always wanted a big family. But, I couldn't seem to get pregnant. It was very upsetting, especially for Doug." 

"Why especially for Doug? Did he want a baby more than you?" 

"No. It's just, well, he's the reason we can't have more children. He's the one who is infertile, not me. And I guess like most men, he sees sperm count as a virility thing and he took it as a real blow to his masculinity. When Mom and Dad told us they were pregnant, he was jealous right from the start, and when we found out Mom was carrying twins his jealousy only grew stronger. I never said a word but I was really envious of them, too, even though I was happy for them. I guess at times I didn't think that it was fair. They weren't even trying for a baby – their family was complete – it was a "slip up" and yet eight months later they got two beautiful new babies. I wanted that." 

"It's only natural that you felt that way," Sonia assured her. "It doesn't make you a terrible person." 

"Please don't get me wrong," Liz turned to her parents with pleading eyes. "I don't begrudge you Aislinn and Nicholas, I really don't. I love them, and I know how much you both love them and I'm happy for you. I know that you really view them as a gift from God. But when Aislinn was kidnapped and I thought that maybe...maybe she might not come back, I couldn't help but think about the jealousy I'd had over you having her and some of the resentment I'd felt. I thought maybe...maybe I was being punished for having felt that way." 

"No." Abbey leaned forward reaching over Jed to touch her daughter's hand. "Elizabeth, I know we've all felt that way at times, but God doesn't work that way. You know," Abbey turned to Sonia. "Jed and I were raised in a time where we were still intimidated by a 'punishing' God, so I understand a bit of where that kind of thinking fits in with us. But, that is not the loving God that we have come to know and that we've taught our children to know; and yet, they still have the same feelings that we do. That when bad things happen we are being punished." 

"It's a coping mechanism," Sonia explained. "When things are whirling out of control in our lives, when bad things happen, we want reasons. We want to be able to understand why they are happening. Simply saying 'bad things just happen' is very, very scary for most people. We want to believe that if we are good, we will be rewarded and if we are bad, we will be punished. But, when bad things happen to good people, that is an emotional adjustment that is incredibly difficult for most people." 

"It was really difficult to understand," Liz continued. "I prayed so hard for you all to come back safely. And when I saw Dad with poor little Aislinn in that hospital bed with the big pink cast and terrified eyes, mute from the trauma, I felt such an overwhelming feeling of gratitude that my little sister had been spared." 

"It's okay, Elizabeth," Abbey's eyes were filled with compassion. "I know how tough these past few years have been on you. I know how hard it's been for you to want something so badly and yet to be denied. I don't know how I'd feel if I'd been unable to conceive or if your Dad had been infertile, but I do remember after losing my baby boy that seeing my friends with their own sons gave me a sense of irrational jealousy over the fact that I hadn't been allowed the chance to hold my own son in my arms. It's not that I was angry with them or wished them ill. I just wanted what they had. So I really do understand what you were going through." 

"I never wished you or the twins ill, NEVER. I loved them from the first day I held them in my arms in the hospital. I guess I just wanted one just like them for myself." 

Abbey nodded. "And I wish that you could have that, honey. I really do." 

Elizabeth blew her nose and turned to her parents. "That was really hard. But, I do feel so much better now that I've told you all that. It's really been a weight on my chest for a very long time." 

Abbey patted her hand "You shouldn't let things like that eat at you, it isn't like you, Liz. You used to feel free to tell us anything." 

Liz nodded. Her mother was right. But there was so much now that her parents didn't know. Marriage had done that to her...marriage to Doug. She'd always been very close to her parents but she also knew how they felt about her choice of a husband. She knew that every fault that irritated her about Doug irritated them ten-fold and that they felt she had "settled" when she married him. So, if she had any complaints, any worries, any disillusionment, she wasn't going to go running to them with those problems. Mentally, Liz tried to shake off those feelings. This wasn't the time or place to get into what a disappointment her marriage had become, of how what she had perceived to be a great partnership similar to what her parents had, had disintegrated into something where she felt so superfluous and so devalued that she was working her butt off to get her husband the support he would need to run for Congress, even though in her heart of hearts she didn't feel he was man enough for the job. She hoped that winning a seat in Congress might finally get the chip off Doug's shoulder that had frustrated her since the beginning of their marriage. She knew it hadn't been easy for him marrying into such a powerful, well known family, but he certainly hadn't helped himself fit in with that sense of arrogant noblesse oblige that he had and that drove her parents – and her – nuts. And now, with all this work to raise funds and garner support for his campaign, she wondered at times if Doug even saw her as anything more than his meal ticket, of anything more than a name – Bartlet – the name that would open any door for him. 

"Liz," Abbey squeezed her hand with a slight frown. "Are you okay? You were a million miles away there." 

"Yeah. I'm fine, Mom. Sorry, I just have a lot on my mind." 

Abbey nodded. She knew that Elizabeth did have a lot on her mind, knew that there were things her daughter was hiding, but until Liz opened up with her there wasn't anything that she could do to help her. 

**** 

A couple hours later, after spending time with her daughter, who wanted a baby so badly, Abbey was examining a thirteen-year-old pregnant girl who was terrified at the idea of having a child. Abbey knew the girl was embarrassed and uncomfortable with the pelvic exam so she tried to take her mind off of it by fishing for information she would then pass on to child services. 

"Alison, you know how this baby got inside you, don't you?" 

"It was when Jesse put his thing in me, wasn't it? He said it was that stuff that come out when he was done." 

Abbey nodded. "That was his sperm and it fertilized an egg inside of you which created a baby. Alison, did you want to have sex with Jesse?" 

Alison's face turned red with shame and tears filled her eyes. 

"Honey, it's okay." Abbey stroked the girl's skinny little leg with her free hand. "I'm not trying to judge you here or to give you a hard time. I just need to know if what Jesse did was okay with you." 

Alison nodded. "I said it was okay. He said he'd love me if I let him do it. Ain't nobody ever said they loved me before." 

Abbey swallowed past the lump in her throat, her heart bleeding for this young girl who'd had so little love in her life that she would do whatever it took to receive it. 

"But..." The girl turned her head away. "I didn't like it. It hurt." 

"Did you tell him that? Did you ask him to stop?" 

"No...Jesse liked it." 

I'll just bet he did, Abbey fumed to herself. "So you never asked him to stop or told him that it was hurting you?" 

"Not 'til later. He wanted to do it one day and I told him I didn't want to do it no more. That it hurt me and I didn't like it." 

"Did he give you a hard time about that?" 

"He was mad. But he didn't make me do it no more." 

"Alison, how close a cousin is Jesse to you?" 

"What do you mean?" 

"How exactly is Jesse related to you?" 

"Oh, he ain't no blood kin. Mama says it's lucky we ain't blood, 'cause if we was blood my baby might be a mutant. My baby ain't going to be a mutant, is it, Dr. Bartlet?" 

"No, sweetheart. Your baby isn't going to be a mutant." Abbey's smile was calming but inside she raged at this child's mother. At this point, she would quite cheerfully love to ring Mama's neck. 

"How does Jesse feel about the baby?" 

Alison shrugged. "He wanted my mama to take me to have an abortion, that's where they suck the baby out of me, right?" 

"In a manner of speaking." 

"Well, that's what Jesse wanted. He didn't want to be a daddy. He said we was just kids. We couldn't HAVE a kid. My mama wouldn't let me see him after that. Said he was the spawn of Satan." 

"How old is Jesse, Alison?" 

"Not much older 'n me. He just turned fifteen, why?" 

"Just wondering," Abbey reassured her as she mentally checked off the last question that needed an answer. Alison had not been raped, at least in the physical sense – emotionally, well that was a whole other ballgame. Jesse was not a blood relative so incest was out and he was underage so there was no statutory rape. No crime had been committed, but as Abbey looked down at the small girl with her big swollen belly, she couldn't help but think that there had been a crime in all of this. That the fact that a child this age was being forced to go through pregnancy and childbirth because her mother was an ignorant, religious fanatic was where the crime lay. 

"Everything looks very good, Alison. You're already starting to dilate just a bit. It won't be long now until you have your baby. You can go ahead and get dressed now." 

"Dr. Bartlet?" 

Abbey turned at the quivering tone to the girl's voice. "You said this baby is going to come out the way that it went in." 

"Yes." 

"That's really going to hurt, isn't it." 

Abbey sat next to the frightened girl and took her hand. "I'm not going to lie to, Hon, because you need to be prepared for what's going to happen to you when you go into labor. Yes, it's going to hurt, most probably a lot, but you know, I went through it a few times myself and I'm still here." 

"Did you cry?" 

"You bet. I cried and I yelled and I squeezed my husband's hand so hard he thought for sure I'd broken it." 

"Did he get mad?" Alison's eyes widened. 

"No, honey," Abbey stroked the hair back off her face. "He didn't get mad at all. He told me to go ahead and yell as loud as I wanted to." 

"Is there any other way I can do it. Can't they cut my stomach or something?" 

"A caesarian? Yes, that is another way to have a baby and depending on how narrow your pelvic cavity is the doctor may decide to do that instead of a natural birth. When you start to have contractions I don't want you to come here, I want you to go to the hospital." 

"How will I know?" 

"You'll know when it's time. A day or so before you go into labor you may pass something called a mucus plug. While you've been pregnant it's been blocking your cervix from allowing bacteria to enter, but as your cervix begins to dilate you will pass it." 

"What does it look like?" Alison's eyes were wide. There was so much more to this than she'd ever dreamed of. 

"It may be clear, a little pink or even blood tinged. Usually, but not always, when you see that, your labor will begin within 24 to 48 hours. When your contractions start, they might not be too bad in the beginning, more like really strong cramps when you have your period, but they come at regular intervals and gain strength." 

"I only had two periods before..." 

Abbey's chest tightened. This child touched her deeply at some visceral level where her womanly and maternal instincts had kicked into overdrive. 

"Okay, well they may start off as cramping low in your belly, or most often they start in your back and come around to the front with a feeling of tightness and sometimes sharp pain in your belly. If you feel any kind of pain...anything...you get to the hospital. Normally I'd tell you to time the contractions, but I'd like for you to just go straight to the hospital." 

"But...But I want you to be with me. Will you be with me?" 

Abbey was moved by the plea. "I'll try to be, but you can't count on me. I might have one of those First Lady things going on, but you can have the hospital try calling here and I'll give you a cell phone number to try, if I'm not here. I promise you that I'll do my best to be with you. And, Alison, after the baby is born, if you ever decide to have sex with another boy I want you to make sure that he uses a condom." 

"What's a condom?" 

Abbey mentally kicked Alison's mother in the ass for the hundredth time. "It's a rubber sheath that a man puts over his penis before he has sex with a woman. It stops that stuff – the sperm – from getting inside you and creating a baby, and more than that it keeps you protected from getting any sexually transmitted diseases like AIDS." 

"Mama said only gay people get AIDS." 

Abbey sighed and her foot found its way back to Alison's mama's generous butt. "That just isn't true, Alison. AIDS is passed on through bodily fluids and one of those fluids is semen. You can get AIDS if you have unprotected sex with an infected man. I want you to make sure that you protect yourself." 

"I will, Dr. Bartlet," Alison promised. 

**** 

Abbey was just finishing stitching up a little boy's leg that had been cut open playing in an alley littered with broken glass when she heard some commotion outside the examination room. 

"Ma'am, you CANNOT go in there." Abbey heard one of her agent's stern voices. 

"You tell Dr. FANCY PANTS Bartlet I want a word with her." 

"Ma'am, you're going to need to calm down before I let you anywhere near the First Lady." 

"I'm not planning to kill her. I just want to give her a piece of my mind." 

"Okay, Billy," Abbey tried to ignore what was going on outside the room as she wrapped gauze around the stitched wound "You're good to go. You've been a very brave little boy." She ruffled the child's hair and gave him a lollipop then turned to his mother. "It's really important that you keep the wound dry and clean, I'm going to send you home with more antiseptic and gauze and a prescription for an antibiotic. The site where I gave him the tetanus shot may swell and get hot and sore. If it bothers him, you can put an ice pack on it. I'd like to see him back here in two weeks to remove those stitches." 

"I don't know how to thank you, Dr. Bartlet. When he came in with that leg gaping open I 'bout fainted." 

Abbey smiled reaching out to give the woman's hand a reassuring squeeze. "You just take good care of that little boy. He's a sweetheart." 

Abbey watched them leave the room wishing she could admonish Billy not to play in anymore dangerous alleys, but she wasn't insulated enough not to know that the boy didn't have much choice. Living in the poorest section of the inner city there were no yards to play in, no parks to visit, the alley WAS his playground. 

As soon as Billy and his mother were gone, the head of Abbey's security detail entered the exam room where Abbey was now cleaning up. 

"What's going on out there?" Abbey asked. 

"There's a woman out there. She says she's Alison mother and she wants to see you. She appears to be very upset." 

"I suspected I might be getting a visit from her," Abbey sighed. "Send her in." 

"Ma'am, I'm not comfortable sending her in here alone with you. I know we talked about confidentiality when it came to your patients, but this woman is not your patient and if she wants to talk to you I want an agent in here with you." 

"She's that angry?" 

"Yes. We've already checked her over. She doesn't have any weapons, but I don't want her getting physical with you." 

"All right, tell her I'll see her, but she has to be okay with an agent being present." 

Less than two minutes later, Myra Hill stormed into the examination room, eyes on fire. 

"What can I do for you, Mrs. Hill?" Abbey asked coolly. 

"Who the hell do you think you are?" 

"Excuse me." 

"Look at you. I know your kind. You rich, liberal women with your fancy college degrees and your fancy designer clothes, you think you know so much. I saw those pictures of you on the Internet; I heard all that stuff about you and your husband in the bedroom. I know you think sex is no big deal but let me tell you–" 

"On the contrary, Mrs. Hill, I think sex is a VERY big deal. I also think that thirteen year old girls should NOT be having sex and they should not be pregnant and giving birth to babies." 

"My girl is paying the price for what she done. This is God's punishment for her." 

"No, she is paying the price of ignorance. What you've done to your daughter is a crime. You've kept her appallingly ignorant of her own body." 

"Oh, I'd say she knows enough. She's a little whore who–" 

"She is NOT a whore," Abbey snapped, finally losing her cool. "She is a sweet, innocent little girl who is so STARVED for love she had sex with a boy just to hear him say, 'I love you.'" 

"You trying to tell me I'm a bad mother?" Myra stepped threateningly forward but backed off when Abbey's agent moved forward as well. 

"I'm telling you that you've done your daughter a terrible disservice by keeping her in the dark about reproduction and sexuality. She's not in school to learn about it in health class where most kids do, so it's up to you to as her mother to teach her." 

"You cain't tell me what I HAVE to teach my daughter. Talking about sex only leads to having sex." 

"Newsflash, Mrs. Hill, your daughter is about a week away from delivering a baby. That's what NOT teaching her about sex led to." 

"You just stay away from my daughter and don't be filling her with filthy ideas like telling her it's okay to have sex as long as she uses condoms." 

"That's not what I told your daughter. I think you're twisting Alison's words around. I told her that IF she chose to have sex again, I wanted her to be safe from another pregnancy and disease and the only way to accomplish that was to use a condom." 

"You are NOT her mother. You have no right to talk to her about any of this." 

"I may not be her mother, Mrs. Hill, but I am her doctor and as her doctor I will tell her whatever I feel necessary to keep her safe and free from disease. Or, do you think your daughter deserves to contract AIDS the same way she deserved getting pregnant?" 

Myra Hill's face turned red with fury. "You think you're so smart, so perfect. Well, you might not be so smug once the press finds out about you handing condoms out here at the clinic." 

"I am NOT handing condoms out and I think I've had about enough of your insinuations. Anita, please show Mrs. Hill the door." 

"You'll be sorry!" 

Abbey thought of the scared little girl lying on her examination table just a few hours earlier. "I'm not sorry at all." 

**** 

Abbey waited outside the Oval Office chatting with Debbie until the senior staff began to depart, all looking very preoccupied. 

"Hey, Abbey," Leo grinned. "You waiting to see the President?" 

"Yeah, but you guys may want to be in on this." Her eyes met Jed's as she entered the Oval. "We may have a little bit of a situation on our hands." 

The staff exchanged wary looks and all followed Abbey back into the office. 

"What's going on, Abbey?" Jed frowned. 

"Well, remember that sort of nightmare scenario you all had when I started working at the clinic–" 

Jed's eyes widened his mind conjuring up images of deranged drug addicts pointing guns at his wife. He moved closer taking Abbey's forearm in his hand. "Are you okay? Did anyone hurt you?" 

Abbey's eyes softened, a tender smile touching her lips. "Not that kind of nightmare, Jed. I know you were all worried about the perception thing. You know, the First Lady being seen handing out condoms and all." 

"Abbey," Leo gave a sharp intake of breath. "Were you seen handing out condoms?" 

"Not exactly." Directly, honestly and to the point, Abbey explained to them the situation with Alison and her mother and the very real possibility that Myra Hill would go to the press with her complaints. 

"Oh, man," Josh groaned. "Did you have to tell that kid to use a condom?" 

Abbey turned sharp eyes his way. "Yes, Josh, I did. I'm a PHYSICIAN and she was my patient – a pregnant thirteen year old who had no concept of contraception and who had been taught that AIDS was a disease only gay people can get. It was my duty as her doctor and a woman to advise her and try to protect her." 

"I'm just saying, couldn't you get someone else to take these cases? I thought you were just going to immunize babies." 

"I do a lot of that, believe me. But, I also treat prostitutes with venereal diseases and homeless people with infected sores and alcohol poisoning and gang members with stab wounds and drug dealers with–" 

"We get the point," Leo swallowed. He didn't like the idea of Abbey in that atmosphere anymore than Jed did. 

"Maybe you should back off a little," Josh suggested. "Just do an immunization clinic a week or something." 

"I'm not going anywhere, Josh. I'm needed down there. They're short staffed as it is and I've just started some programs that are needed desperately – pre-natal classes and parenting classes. Those will go down the drain if I leave." 

"I'm just saying..." 

"NO," Jed's voice was steely, filled with power and authority. "Abbey didn't do anything wrong. She's a doctor and she's done nothing but try to help that little girl through a very difficult time. In a perfect world every parent would explain to his or her child reproduction and responsibility and safe sex. Does any parent want their child having sex as a teenager? As a father, I can tell you that is a resounding NO. But, not every teenager is going to abstain and I'd sure as hell like to know that if my own girls were– were– " He stuttered not wanting to use the word sex in connotation with his own daughters. "Indulging– that Abbey and I had given them enough information to make smart choices that would keep them safe from pregnancy and STD's. But, this isn't a perfect world and every parent isn't like that. Look at the fights that we have every year over public schools teaching Sex Ed." 

"If we could trust that parents were doing it and doing it properly, we wouldn't HAVE to do it at school," Abbey agreed. 

"Okay, okay, this isn't going to become a referendum on sex education. I'm not going to let it get that far," CJ said firmly. 

"If it comes down to it, you need to make sure that the press knows that this administration is behind Abbey 100%." Jed's word was law and they all knew it. 

"Mrs. Bartlet," CJ turned to her. "I need to know exactly what you said to that girl." 

"I told her that after she had her baby, IF she ever decided to have sex again, I wanted her to make sure the boy she was with used a condom." 

"And you said she didn't know what that was." CJ was writing everything down. 

"No, she didn't. Her mother had never taught her anything about contraception and she's being home schooled so she didn't go through a health class." 

"Anything else?" 

"I explained to her what it was, how it was used and that it would protect her not only from pregnancy but from sexually transmitted diseases like AIDS that were passed on through body fluids like semen." 

"That's it then. You didn't give her a condom or tell her it was okay to have sex." 

"No, I did not." 

"I appreciate you giving us the heads up on this, Abbey." Leo patted her arm as the staff prepared to depart. 

Abbey's smile never wavered. "You bet." Only Jed noticed the cutting edge to Abbey's words, and as soon as the door was shut, he turned to her. 

"Okay, tell me what's wrong." 

"I hate it when they make me feel like that." 

"Like what?" 

"Like an outsider. Sometimes around them I feel like such an outsider, Jed. I'm just as much a part of the team as any of them. I was out there day after day during the campaign giving speech after speech and interview after interview. I give those damn teas and pass on information I've garnered from them to you. I have just as much invested in this administration as they do. I'm right up there on the front line with you, but a lot of times I feel like I'm on the outside looking in." 

"It's hard to have it both ways, babe." 

"What do you mean by that?" 

"I mean that you've chosen to have a life both within the administration and on your own. You're a very valued member of the team, but you're kind of like the DH." 

"I'm the designated hitter? Please, do tell." 

"You're an important part of the team, you come in and hit homeruns when we need you, but you aren't always out on the field with the rest of us. That staff? Abbey, they have NO life other than working for this team, this administration. They live, breathe and sleep their work. You don't, and that's not a bad thing. I love that you've been able to keep a part of yourself that is NOT directly connected to the administration. It helps me to breathe at times, keeps me centered and I know it makes you happy. You said you needed to keep a part of your own identity, so you went to work at the clinic. You got pregnant and we had two beautiful new children and you got wrapped up in motherhood, and...first and foremost, you're my wife. There is no more important role to me. And you know the staff is a little jealous of you, too." 

"Me?" 

"Yeah. Because they know it's really them who are on the outside. I listen to their advice; we have give and take over ideas and policy, but to them I am always or most always, the President. In reality, you're the only one who knows how I truly feel. You're the only one who knows what goes on in here." He tapped his chest. "You're the one I talk to while we have breakfast or dinner, or while we're getting dressed and undressed. Yours is the head that lays near mine on the pillow." 

"Yeah, well, if they think our pillow talk has anything to do with policy, they're sorely mistaken. I've got better things to talk about when my head is next to yours on a pillow." Abbey grabbed a hold of Jed's tie and pulled his head down to her for a deep lingering kiss. 

"Wow, what was that for?" Jed ran his tongue over his bottom lip tasting her lipstick and Abbey reached up with a thumb to rub it away. 

"That was for sticking up for me. For telling your staff that you're behind me 100%." 

"Of course I am. And don't you worry about it. If Myra Hill comes looking for trouble, she'll find an army backing you up." 

"My hero." Abbey wrinkled her nose at him and kissed him once more before preparing to leave. It was only as she bent to pick up her purse off the couch that she noticed the discarded transcripts with John Hoynes name on them. 

"What are these?" 

"Uh, yeah. That's something we're going to need to talk about. But," he looked at his watch. "I can't do it now. We'll talk about it tonight when I get home." 

"Okay. I'm going to hold you to that." As Abbey departed the Oval Office, she had sneaking suspicion that she was not going to like what Jed had to tell her. 


	25. Time to Heal, A

Nora leaned back on the couch sipping from a mug of tea. She'd had an early dinner, having decided to eat with the children when Abbey had commented that Jed had something he needed to talk to her about. Knowing it must be difficult to have a virtual stranger living with them, she wanted to try to give them as much privacy as possible. 

Aislinn and Nicholas, bathed and in their PJs, sat on the couch with her. They were watching something called _Baby Einstein_ while munching on a snack of grapes before bed, but Nora wasn't paying much attention to the TV screen. Her mind was a million miles away. She'd gotten a letter that morning from Mother Superior questioning her about how things were going and she just didn't know how to respond. Things were so much different out here in the secular world and she wasn't sure how to describe that. It was all so strange and unsettling. There were so many choices out here, so many decisions to make. What time to go to bed, when to wake up, what to eat what to wear, all those decisions that most people took for granted, but that for the past thirty-five years had been made for her. A life without set schedules and set rules was extremely difficult to get used to and in a way, although it was liberating, it was terribly frightening as well. Also frightening were the feelings that she was starting to have. It was as if for decades she had been living in a world of numbness and now the tingling feeling was coming back. She looked at herself in the mirror while she brushed her hair and she felt those old feelings of femininity taking hold of her. She wanted to look good; truth be told, she wanted to look better than just good – she wanted to look pretty. And, the other night when she'd walked by Jed and Abbey's room and heard the romantic music, she'd felt a longing for someone to love her, to hold her, to cherish her, to look at her the way that Jed looked at Abbey even when those looks scared her. Harder to acknowledge were the feelings she'd had later when she'd walked by that room and heard the soft laughter and erotic moans of their lovemaking and felt a responding electric pulse of sexual awareness and need. For so long she had denied that part of her humanity, had been in effect, sexless. A woman but not truly a woman, and now she was becoming aware of her body and her femininity in way that was both exciting and terrifying. In the convent she knew who she was, KNEW what was expected of her; but here, it was as if she no longer truly knew who she was anymore. Sister Nora was not her sole identity any longer. She was experiencing a painful rebirth into Nora the cousin, the aunt, the niece, the friend, the woman – and soon, the mother. Just thinking about meeting her daughter – Maggie – was enough to make her heart race and her stomach clench. It was still hard for her to believe that in just a couple more days she would be meeting the baby that she had given up for adoption all those years ago – that God was giving her this chance to help her child and perhaps give her life for a second time. 

**** 

"Where's Nora tonight?" Jed set his briefcase down on the floor and bent to kiss Abbey's cheek before taking his place next to her at the dining room table. 

"She ate supper early with the kids. She's got a lot on her mind with us heading up to Baltimore tomorrow." 

"You're going to stay over at Ellie's?" 

Abbey nodded. 

"Good, the Service already has her place secured. I'm glad that we're alone tonight. There's something I need to talk to you about." 

"Let me guess. It has something to do with John Hoynes." Abbey poured wine into their glasses and removed the lids off the entrees she had ordered from the kitchen. 

"He's writing a book. They're running an interview and excerpt in the _Sunday Times Magazine_." 

"What's your take on it?" 

"We think he's planning to run again and he's using the book to rewrite history, make himself look good before the campaign starts." 

Abbey nodded and sipped her wine. "By making you look bad," 

"Yeah. He's made himself out to be some kind of saint completely ready to do the right thing. Ready to take the blame for his affair while Leo and I were the smarmy ones trying to get him to cover it up." 

"You've got to be kidding," Abbey eyes opened with astonishment. Anyone who knew her husband knew his views on adultery. 

"What exactly did he say?" 

"Basically that Leo and I told him that he could beat the rap and that we could say that the whole thing was a right wing conspiracy against the White House and he could deny the whole thing– Why are you looking at me like that?" 

"Like what?" 

"Like I have two heads." 

"Because that is one of the most absurd things I have ever heard. You've never encouraged anyone NOT to take responsibility for his or her actions and I remember just how royally pissed off you were when you found out about that affair and not just because of what it was going to mean for your administration but because of what it was going to mean for Suzanne and the kids." 

"Oh, it gets better. He said that Leo said the woman was a cheap whore and that she probably had other customers and that I said we had to start attacking her right away." 

Fire flashed in Abbey's eyes. "Bullshit, that doesn't sound like either you or Leo. Come on, Jed. The country knows you. They know Hoynes. The man doesn't have a credible bone in his body." 

"I'm not worried about all that garbage. We can fight back on all that. He's the one who had the affair; he's the one who screwed up, not us. But there is something in that book that isn't a lie. Something that's coming back to bite us on the butt." 

"What?" 

"According to sources, Hoynes is going to 'out' a high ranking member of the Bartlet administration for carrying on a tryst in his garden during a Democratic Party fundraiser." 

Abbey's fork hit her plate with clang. "Well, I guess they don't get more high ranking than the President and First Lady." A wry smile touched her lips. "Did you tell the staff it was us?" 

"No. I wanted to talk to you first. They think the whole thing is a smokescreen. That he's trying to divert attention from his own affair by insinuating that he wasn't the only one in the administration carrying on." 

"But, he knows it was us, Jed. He knows it wasn't an affair. Even John Hoynes has to know the difference between screwing a campaign aid and making love to your wife." 

"I think he's banking on the fact that we'll be too embarrassed to admit that it was us. And, if we do, he can move from saying it was a tryst of some sort to saying that the President and First Lady behaved inappropriately and indiscreetly by having sex in his garden in the midst of a party." 

"It wasn't like that, Jed. We'd been apart for so long and it was just as private in that garden as it would have been had we gone back to our cabin. It wasn't tawdry and dirty." 

"Of course it wasn't. We're a married couple. Maybe we weren't as circumspect as we should have been but we're only human. I think the American public would rather their leader not be able to keep his hands off his wife rather than groping every woman in sight or setting up a mistress in a D.C. apartment." 

"So you're thinking about coming clean." 

"I really haven't decided. What do you think?" 

"Maybe we shouldn't jump the gun. Nobody but John knows that it was us or what we were doing and there is obviously a reason he didn't just come out with it." 

"What's your take on that?" 

"I guess I'd say it was probably his reaction to me in the garden the next morning. He's trying to repair his image and I doubt the things he said to me that morning would help achieve that." 

"Given the fact that he damn near propositioned you, no, I don't think so." Jed's blood still boiled when he thought about his Vice President playing keep away with his wife's panties. "You know, Abbey, it's all such a waste." 

"What is?" 

"John...the other women. I mean he had a great wife, great kids, and a great career. Why the hell take a chance with losing that? The man could have been President and he blew it all – for what? A few rolls in the hay?" 

"From what I've heard it was more than a few. And, do you really think it was all about the sex?" 

"You don't?" 

"Oh, I'm sure that was a big part of things. But I think another big part was the power – his arrogant need of adulation." 

"And the fact that he was thinking with his dick and not his brain. It just pisses me off. John's screwing around had such an impact on the administration – on me. If he'd still been in office when the kidnapping occurred, there would have been a much smoother transition when I had to step down. It would have made things a whole lot easier. And...it wouldn't have forced me to make what was probably the worst decision that I've made as President." 

Abbey was quiet for a moment. She knew exactly what he was talking about, but she wasn't entirely blameless in that situation. "Allowing yourself to be convinced that Bob Russell was the man to be your Vice President?" 

Jed nodded. It still irked him that he'd been put in that position. 

"Well," Abbey sipped her wine. "I think I had a little bit to do with that as well. You were battling me and your demons. You just didn't have any fight left." 

Jed sighed. Abbey was right. He had been in a horrible frame of mind, depressed and still reeling from nearly losing his wife and daughters. "No, I didn't, but now I'm stuck with what I did. It's not bad at the moment. As Vice President he doesn't have much of role, but in another year and a half he's going to be running for President and I honestly cannot see Bob Russell as President of the United States. John may not have had the moral authority needed in a President and I may not have agreed with him politically at times, but I would have felt much better handing over the reins to him than I do Bob. John is an intelligent man; he has a grasp on the issues. Bob..." Jed rubbed his eyes in defeat. "He's damn near a joke, Abbey. Right up there with Dan Quayle." 

"So, don't support him." 

"I can't very well say, 'Gee, sorry everyone I goofed. This man has no business being in higher public office, sorry.'" 

"You know that's not what I'm saying. You can't actively speak out against him, but you know as well as I do that there are subtle things that you can do to let your lack of approval be known. And, you know, you'll be awfully busy in your last year in office. I'm sure that everyone will understand why you don't have the time to do any campaign stints for him." 

Jed grinned and lifted his glass to her. "I like your style, lady." 

"You know there's one thing that I don't understand about the whole Russell deal. I know where YOU were coming from, but what happened to Leo? Why on earth did he lead you down that path?" 

"Leo wasn't in any better place than I was. He'd just spent a week battling Glen Allen Walken for your life; he'd committed what could have been construed as treason by coming to me with Walken's reaction to the rescue plan and asking for my okay to put it into play. And, when you left with the kids, well, he was sort of left to pick up the pieces. I wasn't in the best frame of mind and he had to deal with that. To be honest, he didn't have any more battle left in him than I did, and he knew that deep down inside I wasn't up for it. I thought I was. I wanted to fight for the man I wanted but that was just because I was spoiling for a fight and Leo knew it." 

"It was a real mess, wasn't it?" Abbey reached out to lay her hand over his. "Sometimes it seems so surreal now. Like it never really happened." 

"I'm just glad that we've been able to put it behind us." 

"And soon we'll be putting this whole Hoynes mess behind us. Together we can handle anything he sends our way." 

"Absolutely, babe." he grinned. "Absolutely" 

**** 

"Are you going to wake up Aunt Nora pretty soon?" Ellie sat at her small kitchen table having breakfast with her mother; both women still in their bathrobes. 

"Yes, I just wanted her to get to sleep in a little this morning. She was so busy and tired yesterday with all the testing the transplant team put her through and then that late dinner we had with you and Sam that she didn't have much time to think about how nervous she was about meeting Maggie today. By the way, you and Sam," Abbey lifted a brow. "Things are back on track." 

Ellie rolled her eyes and pushed the creamer over to Abbey. "You're an incurable matchmaker, Mother." 

"So, I've been told. Spill the beans, girl." 

"You won't leave me alone until I tell you, will you?" 

"Not a chance." Abbey grinned. 

"Sam and I decided to give things another go." 

Ellie saw the delight on her mother's face and put up a hand of caution. "But, we're taking it slow. I'm still not sure that I'm up to dating a Congressman. There are still a lot of negatives to the relationship." 

"I sense a 'but' in there." 

Ellie smiled. Her mother had always been one of the very few people that were able to "read" her. "BUT right now the positives outweigh the negatives. I love Sam. The way that I feel about him is different from the way I've felt about anyone else ever." A soft becoming blush touched her Ellie's cheeks and it warmed Abbey's heart. Her middle daughter had always held her emotions in check and kept her feelings close to the vest. Dealing with Ellie had always required a more gentle, tender touch than she'd had to worry about with the more volatile and open Elizabeth and Zoey. 

"I'm glad, Ellie. All I want is for you to be happy." 

"I am happy. Sam makes me happy. I love the way that he makes me feel and I love the way that I am with him. He's so honest and so direct and I just feel like I can tell him anything – and – he makes me laugh. He doesn't let me take myself or anything else too seriously. We have fun together. I've been so consumed with my studies I'd almost forgotten what it was like to have fun. I mean the press takes our picture when we go out for elegant dinners or nights at the Kennedy Center, but the times that I treasure are the times when we go bicycling together or spend the day on his boat sailing on the bay or at an Orioles game or even banging around Fort McHenry or the zoo. I guess I put up with the bad stuff to get the good stuff." 

"That's life, honey. Everyone has to put up with the bad stuff to get the good stuff. It's called compromise. But, I do know how easy it is to get wrapped up in the seriousness of your studies – of your research – but a well balanced life will help you out far more in the long run than being in single minded pursuit. You know what they say about all work and no play." 

"Yeah, well, you always seemed to get the balance right." 

"I had to, Els. I was already married and had a child when I started medical school. Right from the very beginning, my loyalties were divided. And, you know, maybe that made it easier for me to keep perspective on things." 

"Good morning," Nora entered the kitchen with a yawn. Abbey noted that her cousin was still in her bathrobe. Back at the White House, she never left her bedroom without being fully dressed. Abbey wasn't sure if it was because she was getting more used to being casual or if it was because neither Jed nor any other man was present. 

"Good morning. Mom and I made some blueberry muffins and coffee for breakfast. Or if you'd rather I do have cereal and eggs." 

"A muffin is just fine." Nora smiled down at her cousin's daughter. All of Abbey's girls were so different in personality and yet so much alike at the core. All of them had been so kind and so accepting of her. There was a graciousness to them they'd obviously learned at Abbey's skirts and she and her husband had done a fine job raising them. Nora placed a muffin on her plate and sat down with the other women. "I want to thank you again, Ellie, for allowing me to meet with Maggie here in your apartment." 

"It's not a problem at all. I just figured that you'd both be more comfortable here than you would meeting for the first time at the hospital." Ellie's eyes moved to the small LCD screen TV she had on the edge of her counter and she frowned. 

"Mom look at this." She grabbed the remote and turned the sound up. Abbey cringed when she saw Myra Hill haranguing her in full fury for the things she had said to Alison and then Jeff Haffley right up there on his high horse stating that something like this was exactly the reason that he and other members of Congress had been against the First Lady working at the free clinic. 

"Pompous ass," Abbey muttered. But after Haffley came a succession of comments backing up her right to do what she had done and to say what she had said. Millie, as surgeon general, discussed the statistics of AIDS amongst teens. The Secretary of Health and Human Services brought up the plight of teen pregnancy and the toll it took not only on the child with a child, but also on the economy; and CJ Cregg fielded questions from the press with her usual sarcastic aplomb – defending her at every turn and whenever possible turning the tables on Myra Hill and her negligent and almost criminal parenting skills. 

And, Jed, bless his heart. There he was climbing out of his suburban at a morning breakfast speaking engagement turning to the clamoring press that was demanding to know what he thought of Myra Hill's statements that the First Lady encouraged her daughter to be sexually active and to make sure to use condoms. 

"My wife is a doctor. She will always have the best interest of her patient at heart and that is exactly the way that it should be. It's too bad that this child's mother doesn't have that same interest." 

"Go DAD!" Ellie lifted her glass of juice up with a big grin. 

Abbey turned to her with a soft smile. "Yeah, go Dad." 

**** 

Later that morning, a nervous and fidgeting Nora faced the moment that she had both been dreading and dreaming about. She came face to face with the child that had been taken from her loins; the child she had thought about every day since her birth three decades ago. There were so many things that she wanted to say to her daughter, so many explanations, but with Maggie standing before her she could only stare with mute fascination. This was her daughter, her flesh and blood. She didn't know what she had been expecting – probably a woman more along the lines of Abbey's girls with the red hair and green eyes of the O'Neills – certainly not the dark haired, dark eyed woman who stood before her. She'd pushed entirely out of her mind the fact that Don, the girl's biological father was also dark haired and eyed. Standing behind Maggie was a man in his mid to late fifties with dark curling hair shot through with gray, dark kind eyes and a craggy weathered face. William Byrnes. Will, he said to call him. He was Maggie's father, the man who had adopted her, and Nora thought rather hysterically to herself how ironic it was that she looked more like his child than hers. 

Thank God for Abbey. It was Abbey who graciously greeted them and led them into the living room, Abbey who got the introductions under way, Abbey who had drawn out the fact that Maggie's mother – the woman who had raised her – was dead. Nora castigated herself for the small moment of relief that she'd felt at that news. She'd been dreading meeting the woman who had been mother to her child, afraid of the jealousy on both their parts. But it was a very UN-Christian-like feeling to have and seeing the sadness in both Maggie's and Will's eyes. Nora was filled with compassion for them both. 

"So, you see Sr. Nora..." Will began. 

"Call me Nora please." 

"Okay, Nora, so you see why it is so important to me for my daughter to have this transplant. I lost my wife. I can't lose my little girl too." 

"Well, God willing, I'll be able to keep that from happening." 

"I can't tell you how much I appreciate you doing this for me." Maggie turned to her with earnest eyes. "I'm sure that after giving me up for adoption, you didn't think I'd show up on your door one day asking for a kidney." 

Nora took in the pale young woman. Up close, she could see the dark shadows under her eyes and that she was not a well woman. "No, I didn't, but the Lord works in mysterious ways. There hasn't been a day that's gone by that I haven't thought of you, wondered what became of you, prayed that you had the happy life I wanted for you and now you've given me the chance to find out. To get to know you." 

"I did have a happy childhood. Mom and Dad couldn't have any children of their own so I was an only child. Dad's a lobsterman and I grew up on the coast of Maine as at home on the water as I was on the land. I spent a lot of time on Dad's boat with him." Maggie cast an affectionate look at her father. It was obvious they had a close, loving relationship. 

"She was a tomboy," Will added. 

Nora smiled recalling her own childhood on coast of the north shore of Massachusetts. "Do you still live in Maine?" 

"Yes, I live in Cape Porpoise. I have a small house not far from where I grew up and where Dad still lives. I teach environmental science at York High School." 

"And– you're engaged." Abbey took note of the diamond on the young woman's finger. 

"Yes." For the first time, Nora saw light spark in her daughter's tired eyes. "His name is Matthew and he's a fish and game warden back in Maine. We had to put off the wedding when my remaining kidney started failing. Well, he still wanted to marry me but I wanted to wait to see if I was going to be healthy again. He'll be down here for the surgery and you can meet him then." 

"He's a good man." Will nodded as if nothing else would do for his girl and Abbey knew right away that he and Jed would get along famously. 

"As far as the surgery goes, you do know that my insurance is going to cover everything, right? And, from what I've been told, you should be fully recovered in ten days to two weeks. It will be a bit longer for me, but you should recover very quickly." 

"It's amazing what they can do now with laparoscopic surgery," Abbey nodded. 

"And you don't have to worry about anything. You can still function normally with one kidney and you'll still have a normal lifespan. But I guess you probably heard all of this already from the nephrologist." 

"Maggie, it's okay," Nora assured her. "I'd give you my kidney even if it took me six months to recover. I know that in reality we're strangers, but you're my family. I'd do anything to help you. I know that you had a mother – that you don't need another one – but I'd like to be your friend. I'm sure that you probably have a lot of questions and that we don't have time to get into everything right now, but I want you to know that I didn't make the decision to give you up lightly. I wasn't given a choice. But, I did love you very much and I wanted you to have the kind of life that you deserved. The kind of life it looks like you got." 

Maggie nodded, choked with emotion, and Abbey gazed down at her watch. "We better start getting ready to head out. The transplant team will be waiting." 

Yesterday, Nora had gone through a transplant evaluation. Blood testing and tissue cross matching had already been done, but she also had to undergo a complete physical by the transplant nephrologist and had to have a chest X-ray and EKG along with more blood being drawn to test for infectious diseases. Lastly, she had been evaluated by the team's psychologist to determine if she was mentally ready to go through with this. Today, they would all meet with the transplant team to determine whether Nora would be a viable kidney donor for Maggie. 

**** 

"Hey, you're back." Jed's face lit up as Abbey swept her way into the Oval Office. "How are Nora and Maggie doing?" 

"Just fine. Like I told you when I called you from the hospital, the transplant seems to be a success. Of course, it will take a while to see how Maggie's body responds, but things look really good." 

"That's great, Abbey." 

"Yeah, it is." Abbey stepped up to him wrapping her arms around his waist then surprised him by tiptoeing right up and kissing him lightly on the lips. "Thank you, Jed." The words were whispered against his jaw. 

"Well, peach blossom, I don't know what you're thanking me for, but, hell, you're definitely welcome." He pulled more tightly into his embrace. 

Abbey gave a soft laugh. "You never change, do you?" 

"Do you want me to?" 

"Perish the thought," she shuddered. 

"So, what am I being thanked for?" 

"Myra Hill. You weren't kidding when you said if she came after me she'd be hit by an army." 

"You liked that, did you?" he grinned. "Well, there was no way in hell I was going to let her get away with maligning your good name." 

"So, you were protecting my honor, so to speak." 

"So to speak." 

"And you pulled the cavalry together." 

"Nope. I pulled the TEAM together. You see, that's what happens when you're a member of the team. The other members go to bat for you when needed." 

"Ahh...you're teaching me a little life lesson now, aren't you, Professor Bartlet?" 

"Just making sure you know you're a member of this team. A very high ranking member." 

"Well, I do want to find a way to show my thanks." Abbey traced a finger suggestively along Jed's jawline. "Got any ideas?" 

"Well, now that you mention it." Jed eagerly moved to his desk drawer where he pulled out his wallet. "I still have quite a few coupons a very sexy lady gave me for Valentine's Day." 

"You keep them in your WALLET?" 

"Hey, you know me. You never know when the mood might arise." 

"Pun intended?" 

"Oh absolutely." 

Jed purveyed the coupons finally coming across the one that he was looking for. He handed it to Abbey with a rakish little smile. 

Abbey's eyebrow lifted as she read the coupon. 

"This is what you want to do tonight?" 

"You bet." 

Abbey laughed at his boyish enthusiasm. "Well then, meet me in the bedroom at nine o'clock tonight. And – don't be late." 

Jed shook his head. As IF. 


	26. Time to Heal, A

Jed entered his bedroom with a buoyant step. He'd been waiting for this moment since the previous summer and a certain rainy day spent in the attic. 

"Abbey?" He frowned when his wife was not in either the bedroom or the bathroom, then glanced down anxiously at his watch. 8:58, he was actually early. A wave of disappointment passed over him as he moved back out into the hall figuring that Abbey was having difficulty with one of the twins and was probably in the nursery. 

A sexy, throaty voice stopped him in his tracks outside the nursery door. "Oh, Professor Bartlet, I'm in here." He turned from the nursery to see the door to his study partially opened. Quickly loosening his tie, he opened the door, his mouth going dry when he saw his wife. He knew what to expect. After all, he was the one who had picked out the coupon, and yet seeing Abbey was so much more than he had expected. She wore her old Sacred Heart uniform, the plaid skirt hugging her hips, the hemline resting a couple of inches above her knees. The fabric of her plain white blouse was stretched taut over her breasts, the buttons close to popping. The seventeen year old Abbey simply had not had the womanly curves that carrying a child had given the adult Abbey, which was a good thing Jed supposed, because he couldn't imagine all the boys that would have been lined up and sniffing around her if she had been this ripe and this luscious as a teenage girl. He'd take the woman over the girl any day. Adding to the erotic combination of sexy innocence that already had his groin stirring, she wore glasses and a wide Alice in Wonderland type headband that held back her long strawberry blond hair from her face so that it fell in waves over her shoulders. 

"May, I ask what you're doing in here, Miss...uh..." 

"O'Neill." Abbey stepped up to him, her fingers reaching out to unbutton the top few buttons of his shirt. "Abigail O'Neill." 

"Yes, well, Miss, uh, O'Neill, you do know this is highly inappropriate." 

"Come on now, Professor Bartlet, you're not married and I'm over the age of consent. What's inappropriate about it?" 

"Well, you're my student." 

"Yes, I am. And you're the sexiest, best looking professor here. Why do you think I took a boring class like 'Third World Economies'?" 

"Boring!" Jed dropped out of character, his eyes narrowing and Abbey bit back a grin. 

"Just keeping you on your toes, sweetcakes," she leaned forward pressing her lips into the hollow of his throat. 

"As long as you don't give me blisters." He leaned back and lifted her chin to see the mirth dancing in her pretty, jade green eyes then kissed the tip of her nose. "You're such a little minx." 

"And you like that, don't you? I see the way that you look at me when I cross my legs in class. You want to touch me, don't you? You want to run your fingers up the insides of my thighs, don't you?" 

"God, yes," Jed breathed. 

"I watch you in class and I listen to that beautiful voice of yours and I think about you whispering my name while you make love to me. Do you wonder why I get such poor grades in your class? It's because all I can think about when I'm in there is touching you. I want to kiss your lips." She pressed her lips to his, her tongue tracing the seam even as she continued to unbutton his shirt. "I want to touch your chest." She pushed his shirt open splaying her palms against the warmth of his chest. "I love how you feel, all hard and masculine." She ran her fingers through the hair on his chest and he groaned softly when she pressed her mouth against his nipple her tongue flicking over it. "Have you ever wondered how it would feel to touch me?" 

"Oh, lord, yes. Every day." His eyes fell to her generous cleavage. "You have the most gorgeous breasts that I've ever seen." 

"Do you want to REALLY see them?" She coyly began unbuttoning her blouse and slid it off her shoulders to stand before him in a frothy lacy white bra with a little rosebud at the spot where her breasts met. She was nearly spilling out of the bra, her breasts so lush and full. He could see that she was just as aroused as he by the hardened nipples that pushed at the satiny fabric. So innocent and yet so alluring. His hands moved up from her hips, resting on her ribcage. "Touch them, Professor. Please." 

Jed swallowed and lifted his hands to cup over her breasts weighing and gently kneading. "Do you like that?" 

"Mmm...I lay in my bed at night and I fantasize about you taking my nipples into your mouth." 

"Like this?" Jed popped the clasp on her bra and bent to run his tongue over her nipple before finally suckling it into his mouth and drawing on it until Abbey weakened with a need between her thighs that only he could assuage. Her fingers tangled in his hair and she sighed with pleasure. 

"Yeah, Professor, oh, just like that." 

"What else do you fantasize about?" He moved to the other breast lavishing its nipple with the same attention while he continued to tease the other with the tip of his thumb. 

"I touch myself between my legs and I pretend that it's you touching me." 

Jed gave a soft groan at the image. "Where would you like me to touch you? Show me." 

Abbey took hold of his hand and slid it up under her skirt. Jed gave a sharp intake of breath as she pressed his fingers into the soft damp curls at the apex of her thighs. 

"You aren't wearing any underwear, Miss O'Neill." 

Abbey gave a throaty laugh. "That would be defeating the purpose of my being here, wouldn't it?" Her breath caught in her throat as Jed's finger expertly slid into her folds and over her clitoris immediately increasing her arousal tenfold. 

"And that is?" 

"I should think it would be obvious. I want to do it with you. I've wanted it for a very long time." Abbey's eyes closed and her head fell back baring her vulnerable soft neck to him as he slid a finger inside her. "That's where I want you, right there," she sighed. Jed's erection hardened painfully at the sensual image she made and the thought of sliding into her where his finger now diligently moved. Abbey gave a soft gasp as Jed introduced another digit at the same time working his thumb over her swollen little nub. It sent her into a quick, sharp little orgasm that took neither she nor Jed by surprise. He'd always been able to get her off very quickly, a combination of his knowledge of her body and her own innate sensuality. 

"You're very responsive, Miss O'Neill." 

"Mmm...I knew I would be with you." 

Jed's teeth sunk into his lower lip as Abbey cupped her hand over the bulge in his pants. And when she squeezed gently, a low moan issued forth. 

"You like that?" 

"Can't you tell?" 

"Well, to be honest. I'm going to need a little private tutoring here. 'Cause you see, I've had another little fantasy playing in my mind during class." 

"Oh, yeah, what's that?" 

Abbey tugged at Jed's belt buckle then worked at his fly, not an easy task with him being so hard. She slid his pants down his thighs and gazed with satisfaction at the turgid length of him straining at his boxer/briefs – the underwear he'd taken to wearing almost every day after finding out how much they turned her on. These were royal blue, hugging his hips and his heavy erection in a way that made her swallow convulsively with desire. 

"I've dreamed about seeing you naked. I've dreamed of sliding my hands into your underwear and feeling just how hard you can get." Abbey's hands followed along with her words, squeezing the hot satiny hardness of him and running up and down his length. Satin over steel, that's what he felt like. "Oh Professor, I had no idea you'd be so big. I've dreamt about kissing you here and tasting you here." She tugged his underwear down and pressed her lips to his penis, her tongue trailing over the straining velvety length. Jed pulled the hair band out of Abbey's hair letting it fall in a wild tangle about her face and his groin. This was the way that he loved her, tousled and sexy. "Tell me, Professor. I've never done this before. How do you like it best?" She circled her tongue around the deep groove at the head, smiling inside with satisfaction at the low moan that escaped his lips. 

"Right there, that's it. Suck on the tip." 

Abbey did as told, sliding the head of his penis into her mouth, suckling him hard, then easing off to gently tongue him. Jed groaned harshly. "Oh, baaaby, you're a natural." 

"You like that?" 

Before Jed could reply, she slid her mouth down over the entire length of him. His hands tangled tightly in her hair as he moaned in the pleasure of being engulfed in her warm mouth. 

"Miss O'Neill." 

"Yes, sir?" 

Jed groaned as Abbey's tongue flicked back over the tip of him licking at the pearl drops that formed there while one hand continuing to move over the base of his shaft and the other played with his testicles. It was sensory overload to the extreme. "If you continue on doing that much longer there won't be any doing IT for a while and I REALLY want to bury myself inside you." 

Abbey stopped what she was doing and stood. Her face was flushed now with arousal and she kissed him deeply then murmured against his lips. "I want you inside me." 

"Tell me how you want me?" 

"Hard and fast. I want you to take me so long and so hard I can't walk in the morning." 

"You really are a hot little babe, aren't you?" 

"Only for you, Professor. Only for you." Abbey pushed Jed's shoulders down so that he was sitting on the hassock, then she pulled one leg up and over so that he was seated straddling it, his magnificent erection rising from the thicket of hair at his groin to point toward his naval. Abbey's own loins pulsed with the anticipation of taking that length inside of her. She placed her legs on either side of his hips and the hassock and Jed lifted her skirt. He bent forward and nuzzled for a moment at the soft curls that were at eye level where he sat before her, but Abbey had other ideas. She pulled his penis back away from his body, then slowly sank, one hand guiding him to the opening of her body. Then, once he was lined up, she impaled herself on him all the way to his hilt, gasping as she came down. He held her there rocking gently, the course hair at his groin pressed tightly against her clitoris. 

"Oh, Professor...you ARE big. And you feel so good inside me." Abbey rubbed against him, reveling at the friction at that tender aching spot at the same time she was completely penetrated, her squirming forcing Jed deeper into her and at different angles that caused her breathing to come in soft little pants. 

Jed leaned forward and took one of Abbey's nipples between his lips. He suckled her hard and felt her inner muscles clench around him in reaction. With her feet planted firmly on the floor, yet sitting in Jed's lap, Abbey was able to lift herself off of him and come down again with a force that would have bordered on pain had the deep penetration not hit that elusive spot inside that drove her crazy. Jed's hands cupped over her bare bottom and he helped pull her up against him with each downward thrust. It didn't take long for the need to grow so strong and so powerful that it was more than Abbey could handle. 

"I need it faster, Jed." In the heat of the moment, Abbey had lost all thought of the fantasy charade they were playing and they were simply Jed and Abbey again making the wild passionate love that was always so good between them. "I can't make it fast enough this way." 

"Okay," Jed was breathing heavy now. "Hold on." Still imbedded deeply within her, he wrapped her legs around his waist and stood. Abbey couldn't stop the shudders as he got to his feet and walked, every footstep pushing him inside her at a different angle. He laid her back on the hassock and she kept her legs wrapped tightly around his waist. 

"This is where it gets hard and fast, just like you wanted." With that statement, Jed took control. He began thrusting into her his hips driving against her. Abbey's hands opened and closed reflexively, needing something to grip and when Jed finally moved forward to lean over her body, changing the angle of his penis within her, she arched her back and came with sharp cry of his name, her fingernails digging into his shoulders. And still, he continued on sliding into her overly sensitized body over and over. 

"Jed...Jed..." Abbey cried out his name pleading for him to stop, wanting him never to stop. 

"Is it too much?" 

"Yes, no, oh, I don't know." 

"Well, I do know. I know what this body is capable of. I wanna use another coupon. Will that work for you?" 

"Yes, oh, God, yes, whatever you want, Jed." 

"Whatever?" 

"Yes, whatever." There were times when Abbey surrendered complete and total control to her man, trusting him as she trusted no other. 

Jed withdrew from her body and gently rolled her onto her belly then pulled her hips down so that she was kneeling in front of the hassock, her chest sprawled out over it. 

"Jed?" 

"I'm right here." Jed lifted her skirt his body aflame at the sight of her soft bare bottom lifted enticingly to him. He reached out his hands softly kneading her there then bent down to kiss and nip and suck at the soft skin until Abbey was moaning again and pushing her groin into the hassock in a move he knew meant she was ready for more. Taking himself in hand, he guided himself to her entrance and with one hard thrust, he mounted her. Abbey's fingers dug into the hassock as she cried out his name. It was so erotic to feel him inside her this way, he was so deep and her hard nipples were pressed into the hassock. She felt his hands on her hips and then his own hips were surging into her with deep, hard thrusts that had him grunting and groaning. He knew it wasn't going to take him long; he'd been fighting his orgasm since before Abbey's first. He curled up over her back, running his lips and tongue along the nape of her neck. 

"You like it like this, sweet cheeks?" 

Abbey responded with a deep sensuous moan. "So good...so good, don't stop." Abbey felt like she could feel him surging within her and kissing the back of her neck forever; she never wanted the erotic pleasure to end. Oh, lord, if only he could do this all night. Then she felt his hand work up between her body and the hassock and his finger deftly found the sensitive nub that was her absolute pleasure center and suddenly she was gasping again, knowing she simply couldn't stand for it to go on all night, that she needed to go over the edge or she would surely die. Her sexy whimpers and feminine moans were all Jed needed. He felt his orgasm start deep and low in his belly, felt himself tighten and his breath catch in his chest, and then Abbey came, her orgasm squeezing at his shaft sending him right over the edge. His thrusts became frenzied and he came with a guttural, animalistic groan, pouring himself within her in endless jets of pleasure. Abbey lay flattened against the hassock feeling Jed's warmth fill her, her own orgasm continuing with his, little bursts of pleasure rippling within her. And when finally he collapsed over her back, she reveled in the feel of his course chest hair tickling her back and his lips pressing kisses into the nape of her neck and along her spine. 

"So, Miss O'Neill, was that everything you fantasized it would be?" He nipped at her earlobe and, still inside her, he gave a soft shove of his hips. 

"And more, Professor." Abbey sighed softly and turned her head to accept his kisses to her cheek, her hand reaching out behind her to run over his bare hip stroking him. "Who would have known that a man who teaches something as boring as 'Comparative Economic Theories' would be quite so hot in bed." 

"Did you just call me boring again? You're going to pay for that, Lady Jane." Jed withdrew from her body causing Abbey to react with a soft whimper of disappointment at the loss of his fullness inside her. In the next instant, she was giggling uncontrollably as Jed's fingers tickled her squeezing at her ribs. 

"Uncle! Uncle!" she shrieked trying to twist away from his merciless fingers. 

"No, not uncle." Jed's fingers moved their way into the vulnerable area under her arms and Abbey gasped with laughter. "Repeat after me. 'Professor Bartlet, your class is the most EXCITING class I've ever taken.'" 

"Comparative Economic Theories EXCITING?" Her tweaking of him caused Jed to double his efforts. "Okay, okay, I give, I give," Abbey laughed. "Professor Bartlet, your class is the most EXCITING class I've ever taken." 

"And don't you forget it," Jed growled playfully. "You know I could fail you for making comments like that." 

"But you won't." Abbey pulled herself up and sat on the edge of the hassock knowing what a wanton image she made being completely naked save for the skirt which they'd never gotten around to taking off. 

"Oh, and why is that?" 

"Because of these" She lifted her breasts with her palms and gave him a coquettish smile. "And because of him." Her eyes fell to his penis. "I think he kind of likes me." 

Jed grinned broadly. "I KNOW he likes you." 

"What about you?" 

"Hell, yeah, I like you. In fact, I was thinking about maybe keeping you around for a while." 

"How long?" 

"Oh, maybe thirty, forty years, or so." 

Abbey laughed and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "I think that can be arranged." 

**** 

"How are you feeling today?" Nora approached her daughter's bed. She was being released today, but Maggie would have another week in the hospital. 

"I can't get over how good I feel. How good I felt almost from the start." 

Nora smiled. Maggie looked good. Even though she was recovering from major surgery, the circles were gone from under her eyes and the weariness in them replaced by a spark of light and optimism. "You look so much better. Where are your dad and your young man?" Will Byrne and Maggie's fiancée Matthew had barely left Maggie's side since the transplant. 

"I convinced them to go out and have dinner. They're hovering." 

"They love you." 

"I know." Maggie gazed down uncomfortably at her fingers that were playing with her hospital gown. This woman standing before her was her mother but she still wasn't quite sure how to react to her. 

Nora knew what the proverbial elephant in the room was and knew that she and Maggie couldn't have any kind of relationship until it was addressed. 

"You know, Maggie, you've never asked me why I gave you up adoption." 

Maggie gazed down at the floor, a touch of red touching her cheeks. "It doesn't matter, really." 

"Of course it matters. You know just because I gave you my kidney doesn't change anything. You don't owe me a thing. You don't have to be nice to me. You can be angry or bitter or just feel however you want to feel. Don't take the kidney into account." 

"How can I NOT. You gave me a part of your body. You saved my LIFE." 

"I also gave you life and I let you go. You must have wondered why. It must have upset you at times. Please, Maggie, I want you to be honest with me. I don't want all this festering underneath our relationship and exploding one day in our faces." 

Maggie hesitated, but at heart she was an O'Neill. "Yes, there were a lot of times that I wondered why. When I was very young, I used to wonder if I'd been a bad baby and you just didn't want me and when I was old enough to realize how things like that happened, I wondered if you were a teenager and I was just a big mistake you needed to get rid of. I suppose I should thank you for not aborting me." 

"Oh, but I never–" Nora's eyes widened. "I couldn't." 

"Oh yeah, that was before Roe vs. Wade." 

"Making abortion legal?" 

"Yeah, you learned about that in the convent?" 

Nora smiled wryly. "We were told to pray for that law to be revoked. But that wasn't the only reason I didn't have an abortion. My uncle was a doctor; he could have found somebody trustworthy to do it. But, I was a Catholic, there was no way I would go down that path." 

"So, you were a teenager?" 

Nora nodded. "I was seventeen when I met Donald Moreland. I thought he was so much the older man, so sophisticated. He was all of twenty-five. He was married, but he said that he and his wife were separated and she was teaching in France over the summer. I babysat for his two year old little girl Marisa. I thought it was strange that Madeleine, his wife, didn't keep Marisa with her and that she called almost every night. Something inside me sent out warnings, but I didn't heed them. I was head over heels in love. I would have done darn near anything for Don Moreland." 

"And you had sex with him." 

Nora blushed fiercely. "Yes, I succumbed." 

"Nora, that's statutory rape. He was an adult and you were underage." 

"I went into it with eyes wide open, Maggie. He didn't coerce me. Well, other than telling me he loved me, that when his divorce from Madeleine was final we could be together. I was picturing a big white wedding. Little Marisa as our flower girl. Oh, I had it all planned." 

"What happened?" 

"Madeleine came home. Don paid me for babysitting Marisa and sent me on my way. You see, there was no pending divorce. They weren't separated at all. He used me. A little summer sex while the wifie was gone." 

"What a PIG!" 

"I'm not going to disagree with you, even if he is your biological father. Suffice it to say that you are one lucky woman to have Will Byrne for a father, not Don Moreland. Anyway, within a couple months I realized that I was pregnant." 

"Did you tell him?" 

Nora nodded remembering the humiliation of that day. "I waited until I saw Madeleine drive off then I went to the house. Don was angry that I was there and even angrier when I said I was pregnant. He told me the baby could be anyone's baby. I was stunned. He knew I was a virgin when we'd had sex. We argued and finally he wrote me a check for five hundred dollars and told me to...well, you know." Nora could not tell the vulnerable young woman before her that her biological father had not wanted her to exist. 

"I threw the check back in his face and ran home crying. My parents didn't know what to do about it. I refused to tell them who the father was so there would be no 'shotgun' wedding, not that there even could have been. They finally decided to send me to a home for Catholic unwed mothers. Most of the girls were teenagers or very young women. We lived there while we were pregnant and then we gave our babies up after birth. There was no question of my keeping you. My parents wouldn't hear of it – and this was 1968, things like that just weren't done in good families like ours. No, families like ours hid it all away as if it never happened." 

"Did you want to give me away?" 

"I'll be honest. In the beginning, I used to wish you away. I wish I hadn't gotten mixed up with Don. I wished I hadn't had sex with him and I sure wish that I hadn't ended up pregnant. But, as you began to grow inside me, I started to love you. I used to talk to you all the time. I would lay in bed and fantasize that somehow I could figure out a way to keep you, that I would take you away and raise you all by myself. But, that's all it was, a fantasy. I was just a kid; there was no way I could run away with a baby and raise you the way that you deserved to be raised. As much as I wanted to keep you, I knew in my heart that you'd be better off with a family to take care of you and give you the life that you deserved. But even after I had resigned myself to that, nobody could have told me how I was going to feel while giving birth to you. I mean all those hours of hard work, and then the relief when you finally came into the world." Nora paused for a moment her eyes filling with tears. "I wanted to hold you in my arms. I wanted to look into your little face, but they wouldn't let me." 

"They didn't let you see me?" Maggie wiped at her eyes. 

"No," Nora dabbed at her own eyes with a tissue. "All I knew was that I'd had a baby girl. They said it would be better for me not to see you. That it would be too hard on me to let you go. But let me tell you, it was hard enough to watch that nurse walk away with you in her arms." Nora closed her eyes picturing herself again as that young girl in the hospital arms outstretched crying and pleading for them not to take her baby away. Tears worked their way out from under her closed lids as she fought to control her emotions. 

"Nora. Would you hold me now?" Maggie sniffed. 

Nora opened her eyes to see her daughter with outstretched arms. Hesitantly, still unsure how to react to emotions or affection, Nora stood and took the two steps to the bed bending down to finally after all these hold her daughter in her arms. When they finally embraced, the thin thread of control that Nora had held on her emotions gave way and she succumbed to the sobs that she'd been choking back. 

"Oh, baby," she cried stroking her daughter's soft hair. "My baby, my baby. Please don't hate me, please." 

"I don't hate you," Maggie's words were muffled against her mother's shoulder. "I don't hate you at all." 

"I still can't believe that this is all real. That I'm really here holding you in my arms. I dreamed of this moment for so very long." 

"I always wondered why God made me sick. If there was some kind of reason, something I was supposed to learn. You want to know what I think?" 

"Of course." 

"I think God made me sick so I could find you. So that I could finally meet the woman who gave birth to me...my mother. I mean I know I had a mother and I miss her terribly, but that doesn't mean I can't have a relationship with you." 

"Is that what you want? Do you want to have a relationship with me?" 

"Did you think I was just going to take your kidney and run?" 

"I wouldn't blame you if you did." 

"Well, that isn't what I want. I want to get to know you. I want you to be a part of my life." 

"Do you think your father will be okay with that?" 

"My father loves me. He's always done what's best for me." 

Nora was deeply moved by that simple statement. By the fact that the daughter she had given up so many years wanted to have a relationship with her. 

**** 

"Well, Hoynes knew exactly what he was doing, didn't he?" Jed tossed the paper down on the couch. 

"He couldn't have found a better way to divert attention away from his own affair and shortcomings," Leo agreed. 

"The press room is going crazy, but it's not just the press room," CJ added. "The rumors are flying left and right all over the country. Everyone wants to know what high-ranking member of the Bartlet administration was messing around in the Hoynes' private gardens. And, since we've been silent on the subject the speculation is running rampant." 

"What kind of speculations are we talking about here?" Jed asked. 

"You name it and I've heard it. Considering the fact that those of us in this room ARE the high ranking members of the Bartlet administration and we're all single – which would hardly make it scandalous for us to be fooling around – they've had to try to come up with a reason as to why Hoynes put it in the book and why he didn't reveal who it was. So, I've heard everything from it being me fooling around with a member of the press and possibly feeding that reporter inside White House information to a homosexual affair being carried on by one of you male staffers, to...well..." 

"Spit it out, CJ." 

"You aren't going to like it, Sir." 

"I don't like any of this. What else are they saying?" 

"Well, there's even been some rumbling that it was perhaps you and...well, another woman." CJ cringed waiting for the explosion she knew was about to come. 

"Someone had the AUDACITY to say that I was cheating on my WIFE?!" 

Yup, there it was. The President's face turned an alarming shade of red as his anger grew. 

"Good Christ, ABBEY was at that party. What kind of rat bastard do they think I am that I would fool around with another woman at all, EVER? Never mind doing it right under my wife's nose. What kind of person does something like that?!" 

"John Hoynes," Josh said. 

"I better NEVER hear MYself, MY morality EVER compared to the alley cat morals of John Hoynes. This ends NOW!" 

"I couldn't agree more," Leo said. "I know it's embarrassing but someone has to step forward and admit what they did." 

Everyone in the room shifted with discomfort, sidelong glances being passed around as they each waited to find out who would confess. It didn't take long. 

"It was me," Jed said firmly, unapologetically. The room went dead silent and all eyes turned to face him. "But NOT me and some mythical other woman. It was me and Abbey and shame on anyone who might have thought otherwise." 

"Whoa," Josh gave a soft whistle of surprise. 

"You and Abbey were messing around in Hoynes' garden and he caught you?" Having been around Jed and Abbey Bartlet for as long as he had, Leo wasn't entirely surprised that this might have happened. 

"If you're asking did he catch us _in flagrante delicto_ , the answer is no. I'm not that careless. It was a walled garden with a gated entry. I wanted some time alone with Abbey, so I told the agents not to let anybody in." 

"How did he know you both were in there together?" Toby asked. 

"He saw the Service outside the garden and tried to enter, but they wouldn't allow it. So, he knew we were in there and he saw us leave together." 

"But he has no idea what was going on in there. For all he knows you and Mrs. Bartlet could have been in there having a nice long chat." CJ was relieved. 

"How long have you worked here?" Josh lifted sarcastic brow at CJ. 

"I'm not saying that WE'D believe that. I'm just saying–" 

"He knows there was more to it than just talk." Jed's face flushed, and this time not from anger. He hoped Abbey would understand why he had come clean with the staff. "The next morning Abbey went back to the garden to try to find something she'd lost in the dark. Unfortunately, John Hoynes had already found it." 

"Ohhh – this is gonna be bad," Josh groaned. 

Leo flashed his deputy a stern look then turned back to Jed, his own mind whirling with images of the Bartlet twins running around Christmas morning with condoms thinking they were balloons. "What did he find?" 

"Her underwear." 

"Her underwear!" Josh yelped. 

"Technically, it was her...uh...thong." 

"Abbey was wearing a thong?" Leo blinked trying to force that image out of his mind as soon as it entered. 

"I always knew she was really HOT," Josh whispered only loud enough for Toby to hear. Toby gave him the same stern look that Leo had and Josh went silent. 

"So, let me get this straight." CJ took out a pencil and a small notepad. "You and Mrs. Bartlet went into the garden for a little privacy." 

"We'd been apart a long time while we were campaigning in different parts of the country and well...you know how it is, one thing led to another." 

"I wish." 

"Excuse me?" Jed looked over his glasses at Josh. 

"I just meant that I wish I knew how it was," Josh said sheepishly. "I've been in a bit of a drought myself." 

"Well, back to the actual issue at hand. One thing did lead to another and when we were ready to go back to the party, Abbey couldn't find her underwear." 

"Thong." Josh's mind was deeply entrenched in the gutter by then. All he could think about was that Abbey Bartlet had been at that party, in his presence, and she'd not been wearing anything underneath her dress. 

"Thank you, Josh," Jed's voice dripped with sarcasm. "Yes, her thong. She went back to find it the next day and Hoynes had beat her to it. He taunted her with it. He wanted her to beg him to give it back to her and made her grab for them. Needless to say she was not very happy." 

"I can imagine," CJ's tone was steely and Leo's eyes narrowed. "I need to know exactly what he said and did." 

"He teased her about how risqué the underwear was and held them out of her reach making her grab for them to get them back. When she commented on his lack of gentlemanly manners, he informed her that no real lady would do what she had done in the garden the previous night." 

"Oh, that's IT," Leo fumed. "That smarmy bastard went over the LINE!" 

"Who the hell did he think he was talking to Mrs. B like that?" Josh added his outrage. 

"Guys, guys, settle down," Jed put up a hand. "I appreciate you rushing to defend my wife's honor, but it's all right. I already took care of it back when it happened." 

"What did you do?" CJ asked. 

"I believe that I pinned him to a wall and informed him that if he ever so much looked at my wife funny or spoke to her with anything less than full respect, not only would I feel the need to beat him to a pulp, but I would also drop him from the ticket and make sure that he was blackballed all over the country so that he'd never hold public office again." 

"You threatened the Vice President with removal from the ticket and didn't feel the need to tell me?" 

Jed turned to Leo. "It was personal, Leo." 

"Speaking of personal. How are we going to go public with this? Do you want me to give a statement to the press." 

"No," Jed sighed. "Abbey and I should handle this." 

"You can't give an interview over this," Josh argued. "You'll be playing right into Hoynes' hands, making this a bigger story than it is." 

"No, it stays a big story until everyone finds out who it is," Jed said. "It's like that book _Primary Colors_. It was such a hot topic at the water cooler – a best seller because everyone was reading it and looking for clues as to who might have written it. Once it became known the interest was gone." 

"You think interest will die once people find out it was you and Abbey?" 

"Oh, there will be a period of titillation I'm sure, but I don't think the American people will be all that outraged by a President who actually has the hots for his own wife. From the polls I've read, they actually find that quite refreshing about Abbey and me. And, by revealing it's us, we directly cut into Hoynes' book sales. Nobody will be running out to buy the book to find out who he reveals." 

"I still don't like the idea of a special interview for this. You have a press conference coming up why not just answer questions then." Leo added his support to Josh. 

"Because that gives us two more weeks of speculation. I won't tolerate that. And, if I know my wife – and let's just say I KNOW my wife – she's going to want to be a part of the explanation." 

"How about this Friday morning? Mrs. Bartlet is being interviewed by _Good Morning America_ about the annual Easter egg hunt at the White House and about the Bartlet family plans for Easter. Why don't you join her and we'll let Charlie know that we'll allow a question about the Hoynes article as far as it pertains to the two of you personally and you can go from there." 

"Ahhhh. Now I know why I hired you as my press secretary," Jed grinned. "That's the perfect solution. Now I just have to go and sell my wife on the idea." 


	27. Time to Heal, A

Abbey, sitting back on the couch with her jean clad legs stretched out onto the coffee table in front of her, was so engrossed in the television she didn't hear Jed enter the room. 

"Honey, I'm home," Jed teased. 

She turned to him eyes shimmering with unshed tears. 

"Abbey?" A worried frown creased Jed's forehead and he turned to see what his wife was watching on the TV screen. After a few moments, he was only more perplexed. "Abbey, YOU were the one who was with me. You know there was no other woman." 

"What?" Abbey's concentration stayed on the television. 

"You know darn well all those rumors are rubbish." 

"Of course I know they're rubbish, Jed. I was the one in your arms that night, the ONLY one." 

"Then why do you look like you're about to cry?" 

Abbey patted the couch next to her. "Sit down and watch this with me." 

Jed sat and turned his attention to the television where friends, colleagues and members of the press were commenting on the presidential marriage and the absurdity of the idea that the President may have been with another woman. 

"I've been following Jed Bartlet since his days in the New Hampshire State Legislature. There has never been any hint of scandal in his marriage. To the contrary, the Bartlets have always been the very ideal of a modern devoted couple." 

"Ridiculous. Anyone who has ever known Jed and Abbey Bartlet can see the love, respect and attraction that they have for one another. You can actually feel the chemistry between them when you're in their presence. They ooze sexual attraction." 

"Jed Bartlet has been head over heels in love with his Abigail since the moment they met in college. His marriage and his girls have always come first for him and no other woman would ever turn his head." 

"They are an EXTREMELY affectionate couple, very touchy feely, if you know what I mean. Following people on the campaign trail, you get a real feel for a couple and Jed and Abbey Bartlet are the real thing. They hold hands even when the cameras aren't around and they tease each other and flirt with each other as if they were still dating." 

"A load of garbage. Jed Bartlet absolutely ADORES his wife. Abbey is the light of his life and he wouldn't even look at another woman." 

"The Republicans spent millions of dollars trying to dig up any hint of scandal to smear Jed or Abbey Bartlet and it was nothing but a big waste of money. There just isn't anything like that in their past or their present. They will go down in history as one of the truly great love stories." 

"The Bartlets have what is known as a 'grand passion'. They quite simply adore one another. When one of them walks into the room the other seems to shine just a little brighter." 

"Think about it. Jed Bartlet is married to a woman who was voted one of the sexiest women in the world. You've seen the pictures she posed for as a gift for him – the ones that were leaked over the internet – and you've heard the rumors about how the President ended up with a black eye falling out of their bed. This is a very sexy couple – a very sexual couple – we're talking about here. The President has no reason to look outside his marriage for passion." 

"President Bartlet is a deeply religious man who takes his wedding vows very seriously. Adultery is not something he would even contemplate. He loves his wife with the very depth and breadth of his heart and soul." 

"They are a couple who share a passion many of us can only dream about. Sexual passion, intellectual passion, emotional passion and a passion for their children and the life they have built together that surpasses anything I've ever seen." 

Jed's hand squeezed more tightly around Abbey's as he watched a reporter thrust a microphone into Ellie's face as she and Sam made their way into the Kennedy Center. Ellie was laughing at the question asked. 

"If you'd grown up in my house, you wouldn't seriously be asking me that question. My parents are like their own little world with each other. They don't love, trust, respect or need anyone else more than they do each other. And, for as long as I can remember, they've never been able to keep their hands off each other." 

"They know better than to approach my daughters for a quote," Jed stewed. 

"Jed, Ellie gave up her right to privacy when she started dating Sam. She knew what she was getting into. And, did you SEE her?" Abbey was beaming with pride. "She handled that like a pro. No nerves, no stuttering, no eyes cast down." 

"As she told the world that we can't keep our hands off one another." 

Abbey chuckled running her hand up Jed's thigh. "Well, we did always teach the girls not to lie." 

"Yeah, we did." Jed placed his hand over hers. "Abbey, it's time for us to come clean. Just the idea that someone might think that I cheated on you is abhorrent to me. I want to clear this up. NOW." 

"You're going to have a press release saying it was you and I in the garden?" 

"No, if we do that the questions will never end. I want to admit it myself. Put an end to it once and for all." 

Abbey gave him a long measure. "Not alone you're not. I had just as much to do with what went on in that garden as you did. And, I had just as much fun. I'll accept the fallout with you." 

"Gee, how did I know you were going to say that? I already told the staff that we'd be doing it together." 

"Is this going to be a big 'thing', Jed? I mean a little sex between a married couple is hardly huge news." 

"Do me a favor and don't use the words little and sex back to back like that again," Jed shuddered. 

Abbey tapped him lightly on the shoulder. 'You know what I mean." 

"Yeah, I do. And the answer is that we're going to try to keep this from becoming a big 'thing'. You're being interviewed Friday on _Good Morning America_ about our Easter plans and I'm going to join you. We'll do it then." 

"Great." Abbey rolled her eyes. "My mother loves _Good Morning America_. I can just see her face as she innocently sips her morning coffee and hears that her daughter and son-in-law were getting it on hot and heavy in the Vice President's garden." 

"Well, those weren't quite the words I was going to use, though it is a colorful and accurate description of what we were doing." 

"Don't even think about it, buddy boy. You'd come off as the big virile stud and I'd get to be the whore of Babylon leading you astray in the Garden of Eden." 

"Well, if we're going to get biblical about things–" 

"No," Abbey held her hand up. "We're not." 

Jed laughed and his eyes fell back on the television. "You know...what those people said about us...it was pretty amazing, wasn't it?" 

"It sure was," Abbey laid her head on his shoulder. "I've always known that what we have is very special. I guess I never realized just how many other people can see that." 

"So you're okay with going public?" 

"I'm not thrilled about it, but I'd rather the world know it was me in there with you rather than speculating about you and some bimbo." 

"What makes you think it would have been a bimbo?" Jed teased. "I do have my standards, you know." 

"Only a bimbo would mess around with a married man and his family." 

"You have a point. So, I guess I should go down and tell CJ we're good to go." 

"No. Zoey is giving the twins their bath tonight. I'm sure she's about finished. You go spend some time with the kids. I'll talk to CJ." 

"You sure?" 

"Yup." 

**** 

The door to CJ's office was open, the light was on and Abbey could hear voices inside. She started to announce her presence when she was stopped in her tracks. 

"There is no night that I regret more, Toby." 

"You don't have to explain it to me." 

"I wish I could explain it but I can't. I slept with John Hoynes and I can't take that back. I knew he was married. I knew it. I always thought women who did that... If I could take back one moment of my life, it would be getting on that elevator." 

Abbey must have made some kind of noise, because at that moment both CJ and Toby turned to see her in the doorway. 

"Abbey!" CJ gasped her eyes widening. 

Still in shock, Abbey was at a loss as to what to say. "You're busy. I'll come back another time." She turned to leave. 

"Abbey, wait!" CJ called to her. 

Abbey shook her head negatively and continued on her way down the hall needing to put as much distance between her and her friend as she could. 

Toby reached out and stopped CJ from following her. "Let her go." 

"I need to explain." 

"You can't explain. Not to her, not yet. She's a married woman with children; a woman married to a politician. She isn't ready to hear what you have to say. Give her time to process things." 

**** 

Abbey returned to the Residence and found Jed sitting crunched up at the twins little craft table in the nursery, the three of them doing a Beatrix Potter Easter puzzle. Her heart sick with what she had just learned, she made her way to him, wrapping her arms around him from behind and kissing the top of his head. 

"Hey," Jed turned to flash her a grin. "That was fast. Did you talk to CJ?" 

"No," Abbey said evasively. "She was busy. I'll talk to her tomorrow." 

Jed turned in his seat his eyes narrowing. CJ was never too busy to speak with the First Lady and Abbey looked like she had seen a ghost. "Is everything okay?" 

"Yeah, it's fine." Abbey sank down onto Jed's lap laying her head on his shoulder. 

Jed frowned as he brushed a strand of hair back off her face and tucked it behind her ear. "You sure?" 

"I'm sure. Can't a girl just want to cuddle with her husband and let him know how much she appreciates him?" 

"Of course she can. You know I never have a problem with cuddles." 

"I wanna cuddle too, Mommy." Nicholas lifted his arms to Abbey and she pulled him up onto her lap. Before he was even settled in Aislinn stood expectantly before her parents. 

"I suppose you want to come up too, little miss?" Abbey asked. 

Aislinn nodded enthusiastically and Jed teasingly groaned as he and Abbey lifted her onto the pile. 

"I think we're going to crush Daddy," Abbey laughed. 

"Daddy, you be okay?" Aislinn cupped his cheeks with her pudgy little hands and gazed worriedly into his face. 

"Don't you worry about me, candy cane." Jed nuzzled into her neck making her giggle. "Daddy likes having his lap filled with love." 

Abbey swallowed passed the lump in her throat and pressed her lips to Jed's cheek, the love emanating from him a balm to the wound in her heart. 

"I love you, babe." Her words were whispered against his cheek. 

"Right back at ya, sassy pants." 

**** 

CJ made her way slowly down the halls from the East Wing, from the First Lady's office to the indoor pool where her secretary had informed her Abbey was overseeing her children's swimming lesson. This was not a conversation that CJ was looking forward to having, but it was an issue she knew had to be addressed. She opened the door to the indoor pool remarking once again at the changes the Bartlets had made. Once a barren room with whitewashed concrete walls, it was now alive with color and whimsy, a virtual undersea oasis. As a Christmas gift for her young niece and nephew, Jane O'Neill had painted bright colorful murals on all the walls. Scenes from _Finding Nemo_ , _The Little Mermaid_ and Nicky's favorite, _SpongeBob_ , now livened the once dreary room and fake palm trees added to the tropical feel. 

"Mommy, lookit ME!" CJ's gaze moved to the pool, where, using little floating barbells Aislinn worked on her power kicking, her face all scrunched up at the water she was splashing on herself. 

"Hey, you're looking pretty good, Buttercup!" Abbey called out encouragement with a broad smile. She was seated fully clothed at a small table munching on a hot cross bun – a staple of the Bartlet White House during Lent – while she gazed over some paperwork and kept one eye on her swimming children, stopping at times to give what they were doing her full attention. CJ had always admired how Abbey was able to do five different things at once, a trait the First Lady had told her once was not inherited but merely learned behavior for survival when one was a mother. 

"Ma'am?" CJ stepped up to the table. 

Abbey slipped her glasses off letting them fall on their trendy gold chain against her breasts. "Hello, Claudia Jean." 

"Look, I know this is really uncomfortable, but I think we need to talk about what you overheard last night." 

"It's really none of my business what you do with your personal life, CJ." 

"Says Abbey the First Lady. What about Abbey, my friend?" 

"Well, she's having a bit of a hard time as a wife and a mother accepting what you did." 

"I know. I have a hard time accepting what I did." 

"You knew he was married, CJ? You KNEW it. That's what I can't seem to get past right now." 

"I know and I don't blame you. I never thought I'd be one of those women. Just the thought of myself as the 'other woman' or a 'bimbo eruption' makes my skin crawl." 

"Do you have any idea of how what you did hurts a wife, a mother? You could have destroyed a family. Not that that snake Hoynes wasn't just as much to blame." 

"I know that. I'm deeply ashamed of what I did. I've regretted it from the moment it was over until now. It was awful having to work with him in the White House and having to relive the worst mistake of my life every time I saw him, but I guess payback is a bitch. It was even worse having to be in the presence of his wife and children knowing that I'd been to bed with their husband, their father." 

Abbey could see the pain and shame radiating in CJ's eyes and remembered just how uncomfortable she had been on the Hoynes' ranch. "This happened before we all got to the White House?" 

"Oh, yes, well before, before he was even running for President. He was a Senator from Texas and he was in Hollywood trying to raise money for what was rumored to be a bid for the '98 Presidential election. I'm not trying to make excuses for myself, but I wasn't in a very good place. I'd just ended a pretty serious relationship and I'd also found out quite recently that my father was in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's. I was doing press at a party, had one or two too many and was exceptionally flattered when the handsome Senator Hoynes put the moves on me. I knew his bio – knew he was married and had children – but in that moment, none of it mattered to me. God," CJ rubbed her eyes. "I sound like a whore." 

"I never thought you were a whore, CJ. But, You really never once thought 'This is someone's husband'? The father of someone's children? You didn't think about how you might be hurting an innocent woman?" 

"I guess I figured, what kind of marriage could he have if he's trying to get me into bed? I know that's a poor excuse, but it's all I've got." 

"Look, I'm not trying to judge you, CJ, it's just really hard for me. I look at Suzanne Hoynes and I think 'there but for the grace of God, in giving me a good man like Jed, go I.' I'm a politician's wife and that is not an easy thing to be. Thankfully, Jed and I have a completely open relationship and we're able to talk about these things. I know women have come on to him. I know they've thrown themselves at him and I thank God that I can be confident in my trust that he would never betray me. But, it's still scary. People make mistakes. I've seen it happen to my friends and other political wives. I pretty much know who steps out on whom and who has mistress' set up in the city. I know about the political groupies and young interns looking to sleep their way to the top or put another notch in their lipstick cases. I've seen lonely men away from their families fall prey to these women or older men who are flattered by the idea of a young nubile body wanting them and I've seen that destroy marriages. And, I've seen it the other way as well, probably even more. Men filled with power and arrogance, as if they have the divine right to do completely as they wish and screw who they hurt along the way. I've had the moves put on me more than once and I've seen the pain and the humiliation in eyes of the wives. That's where John Hoynes falls in. I know you didn't come on to him. I know you didn't seduce him. I know where the blame lies." 

"No, I didn't come on to him, but I probably flirted with him." 

"Any man worth his salt can deal with a flirty woman and not end up in bed with her." 

"I know," CJ gave her a half grin "I've seen the President do it many a time. But I'm sorry to say that John didn't have to work very hard to get me into bed either. I guess I've always wanted to find a man who will talk about me the way the President talks about you, a man who would look at me the way the President looks at you and I've made some mistakes along the way. I didn't think John Hoynes was that man, but after breaking up with Art, I was feeling pretty low about ever finding him and I took what I could get. You're lucky, you found your guy before you had to do much searching. You never had to kiss all those toads or deal with that kind of loneliness." 

Abbey smiled wistfully. CJ was right. When horrible things happened to her, she could always count on the fact that Jed would be there to hold her in his arms and make her feel better. "No, you're right, I didn't." 

"But, speaking of the President," CJ inhaled deeply. "Have you told him about John and me?" 

"No. If something came up and he were to ask me, I wouldn't lie to him; but I don't have to offer the information either." 

CJ exhaled with relief. "Thank you. I don't know if I could stand for him to know. We all know how strongly he feels about adultery. He'd be so disillusioned." 

"I'm sure he would be, CJ. But, he also knows people make mistakes. He's a very forgiving man." 

"Yes, he is. It's just– this might sound kind of silly, but I think of the President as an older brother. I respect him more than any man I've ever known and I'd hate to lose his respect." 

"Well, he won't hear anything from me." 

"Mommy, we all done. C'n I has a hot cost bun now?" 

Abbey glanced up to see Nicholas standing before her and the twins' instructor, Penelope, putting the barbells, floaties and goggles away with help from Aislinn. 

"You can have a bun as soon as you dry off." Abbey wrapped the dripping wet boy in a nice warm big towel, then lifted him onto her lap to snuggle with him and praise his swimming prowess while she patted him dry. CJ watched her with a momentary pang of longing for the children she'd never had. For the chance at having a serious relationship and a family that she had given up when she had chosen to commit herself to working in the White House. Most of the time she had no regrets, but at times like this, being around the Bartlets, she felt that biological clock ticking away, its battery just about to die. She was in her forties now and time was running out, especially when there was no 'daddy' in sight. 

"CJ, I hate to worry you, but me telling Jed might be a moot point. Have you thought about what might happen if John writes about you in his book?" 

CJ flushed. "I lived with the terror of that thought for days." 

"And?" Abbey handed Nicholas a bun and sent him off to help Penelope and Aislinn. Licking the frosting off her finger, she turned expectant eyes CJ's way. 

"And I confronted him. He promised me that our affair was not in the book. I guess I should have known that. I mean he's trying to make himself look better and that most certainly wouldn't do it, even if he wanted to make me – and thus the Bartlet administration – look bad. I told him that if he ran for President again, I knew that all his 'other' women would start coming out of the woodwork and that if they started coming forward and he tried in any way to denounce or discredit them, I would not be too ashamed to stand up next to them side by side to bring him down." 

"Wow." Abbey's eyes widened. "That had to be really hard." 

"Well, I know his night with me was not the first time he stepped out on his wife." 

"No, John Hoynes is a serial adulterer. Hell, if I'd shown any interest at all that morning in the garden, he'd have done it with me; and I know damn well that if I hadn't been Jed's wife, he would have come on even stronger than he did. And, you know, don't let him fool you. He was in no way morally outraged by being kept out of his own garden. He was pretty darn titillated by what Jed and I had been doing in there." 

"I'm sure that he was. When he told us that it was the two of you in the garden, the President didn't say what you'd been doing. I think it's probably safe to say you weren't discussing the state of the oil industry in Texas." 

A chagrinned smile touched Abbey's lips. "I think that's a safe bet." 

"And John Hoynes knows this?" 

"He saw the Service on guard outside the garden and put two and two together when they refused him entry. And, the next morning he found my panties laying in the bushes." 

CJ lifted an amused brow. "Ahh...So that's why the President was so pissed off at him. It all makes sense now." 

"We're going public. That's what I was coming down to tell you last night. We're going to tell the world it was the two of us in the garden on _Good Morning America_. Jed can't stand the idea of anyone thinking he might have cheated on me. He has a tremendous sense of honor." 

"I know. You should have heard the bellow when I mentioned that little rumor to him." 

Abbey chuckled. "I can imagine." 

"Mommy," Aislinn tugged on her hand. "It's time to watch _Wead between the Lions_ ". 

Abbey glanced down at her watch. "You're right it is. We'll have just enough time to get you two dressed so you can watch it with Izzy while Mommy goes down to her office for a few hours." 

"C'n we come down and play?" Nicholas asked. He and his sister had often played on the floor of their mother's office; she even had a toy box for them, just like their daddy had in the study off his office. 

"Not today. I have to do a couple of magazine interviews this afternoon. Everyone wants to know what we're doing for Easter this year." 

"The Easter bunny is comin' to OUR house," Aislinn informed CJ, her cornflower blue eyes widening with excitement. 

"Is he really?" 

"Uh huh. He's gonna bring us a big Easter basket, and Daddy said he's gonna hide eggs all over the farm for us to find," Nicholas added. 

"And Mommy buyed me TWO pwetty dwesses 'cause we gots to do the big egg hunt with all the odder kids in the yard." 

CJ smiled at the White House lawn being referred to as Aislinn's "yard". "What colors are your new dresses?" she asked. 

"I gots a twirly one that's pink 'n white and one that's purple." 

"Lavender." Abbey stroked her daughter's wet hair. 

"'Avender." Aislinn nodded. "And I gots hats too, just like my mommy." 

"Well, that sounds really pretty." 

"Mommy, let's go!" Nicholas tugged on her hand. 

"You better go," CJ grinned. 

"Yeah." 

"We should set up a meeting to go over how you and the President should handle the interview." 

"How about supper tonight? Jed's got an early evening. Come up around eight. The kids will be in bed." 

"Okay. I'll see you then." 


	28. Time to Heal, A

"And now joining the First Lady, for our next segment is the President of the United States. Thank you for taking time out of your busy day to join us this morning, Sir." 

Seated next to Abbey on a couch in the White House solarium, Jed looked into the camera that was beaming his image to both Charlie Gibson in New York and the rest of the country. Smiling, he took his wife's hand. "My pleasure, Charlie." 

"We've just been hearing about your family plans for the Easter holiday. Are you looking forward to going home and spending a few days on your farm?" 

"I always look forward to visits to the farm. It's nice to have that sense of home and freedom and normalcy. Well, as normal as it can get when you're the President." 

"And Mrs. Bartlet tells us the children are very excited." 

"Oh, yes. We've tried to impress upon them the religious significance of the holiday, but you know, they're three. Their excitement is all tied up in the Easter bunny and Easter egg hunts and for Aislinn, her pretty new dresses. She has her mother's eye for clothes." 

Charlie chuckled. "I imagine you'll be especially looking forward to having some downtime with all the furor over the as of yet unreleased book that your former Vice President has written. Has he sent you an advanced copy?" 

"No, he knows that I only read fairytales to my children." 

Charlie lifted a brow. "So you're saying that the excerpts that were recently printed were false?" 

"Unfortunately, former Vice President Hoynes has chosen to change, twist and manipulate his history in my administration in order to rebuild his own image." 

"You're saying the Vice President lied?" 

"About some things, yes. Particularly about the way that he left the administration." 

"According to the excerpts printed over the weekend, Vice President Hoynes stated that you were adamantly opposed to his leaving the administration. That both you and Chief of Staff Leo McGarry felt that the public admission of his affair was not a big deal and that you felt that you could attack this woman's credibility and turn things around so that he could remain in office." 

"First of all, let me just say that never in my life have I ever stated or felt that adultery was not a 'big deal'. It is a big deal, the biggest of deals in a marriage. Adultery goes straight to the heart, ripping at the very foundation of love and trust that one needs to have a successful relationship. I found out about the affair while I was on vacation with my family in Jackson Hole and like most of America I was shocked." 

"Were you worried about how this was going to reflect on you, on your administration?" 

Abbey rubbed Jed's forearm and looked directly into the camera. "His first thought was not of how it would affect his administration, but on how it was going to affect Suzanne Hoynes and their children. That was the part that was most upsetting to both of us." 

"So, you didn't urge the Vice President not to resign?" 

"What I said to the Vice President was that even though what he had done was wrong, it was not a reason for him to resign. His affair was something that should have been dealt with between him and his wife, not him and his country and neither me nor Mr. McGarry ever said that we would attack Ms. Baldwin. What we did say was that if he decided to stay in the administration, we would try to help him weather the storm. Over the years we have come to learn that many of our leaders have had extracurricular love lives outside their marriages and, while I, of course, don't condone that, I didn't think it was reason enough for Vice President Hoynes to resign. However, when he explained to me that he was doing it for his family, to save them from further embarrassment and humiliation, my respect for him grew tremendously. I believed him when he said that he wanted to rebuild his life and repair his marriage outside the public eye." 

"And you don't believe that now?" 

"I think this book is case in point against that belief." 

"Well, since we're now on the subject. In one of the excerpts from the book, the Vice President stated that he was morally outraged that a very high ranking member of your administration chose to have a secretive tryst in his garden in the middle of a Democratic fundraiser. Of course, as you know, the rumors around Washington and the country have been swirling with all kinds of differing scenarios, one of them being that the person was you, and that you were in there with another woman." 

Charlie's gaze fell to the First Lady looking for pain, shock, anything to indicate that he'd hit a sore spot, but Abbey Bartlet looked cool as a cucumber. 

"Well, Charlie, because this has become such a distraction to the real problems that affect America, I'm going to come clean here. It was me in the garden that night." 

Abbey squeezed Jed's hand and had to bite her lip to keep from laughing at the stunned look of shock on Charlie's face. She knew he was thinking that he'd just gotten the President to admit to committing adultery on nationwide television. 

"And you know, to be quite honest with you, I've been involved in countless romantic trysts over the years and all of them with this amazing, fascinating and beautiful woman sitting right here beside me. A woman I'm lucky enough to have as my wife and who has been the love of my life and my soul mate since the day that I met her." 

His passionate statement brought surprised, unexpected tears to Abbey's eyes and she smiled softly at him. 

"You're saying that it was you and Mrs. Bartlet in the garden that night?" 

Abbey nodded. "It was me. Jed and I had been apart for weeks campaigning in separate parts of the country and until any of you have gone through something like that, you can't know how difficult it really is, especially for a couple as close as we are. Talking on the phone three and four times a day just doesn't make up for not being together in person. And then, there we were together again but spending our whole day in front of crowds and then again our whole evening." 

"We simply wanted a little privacy, someplace to talk and reconnect without being the center of attention. I found the most secluded private spot I could and took measures to make sure that we were neither seen nor interrupted. And we weren't." 

"But Vice President Hoynes knew you were there?" 

"He saw the Secret Service agents who were protecting our privacy and he saw us leave." Jed wasn't about to bring up the cast off panties belonging to Abbey that John Hoynes had found the next morning and he didn't think Hoynes would either, not unless he wanted the country to know just how poorly he'd behaved with their adored First Lady. 

"Was he angry that he'd been barred entry from his own garden?" 

"Not at all. If he had been, we would have apologized and moved on. I assumed that being a politician himself he understood our need for some time alone out of the public eye." 

"So, why do you think that he even bothered to put this incident in his book?" 

"You'd have to ask him his motivation in all of this." 

"You must have an opinion. Do you think he did it out of greed? After all, sex does sell." 

Jed's eyes grew steely; he was not going to allow himself to be led down this path. "I'm not going to comment on what Abbey and I were doing in the garden. That's something between her and me and it's really nobody else's business." 

Behind the camera, Abbey saw CJ grimace. She knew Jed had just effectively told the world that they had been having sex in that garden, but what could they do? They HAD been having sex in the garden and now was not the time to lie about it, especially when they could be proven to have lied by those missing panties. Somehow, she'd have to break Jed of his habit of flinging her lingerie around after he stripped it off. 

"Since it was you and Mrs. Bartlet in the garden, why did it take you so long to come forward and what made you finally decide to do so?" 

"When the rumors first started flying, I ignored them. I thought it was a foolish waste of time to get bogged down in something so trivial. But, then the rumor started that I may have been with another woman in there and I wanted to nip that right in the bud. My marriage is extremely important to me and I didn't want anything to tarnish or sully it. In my religion, marriage is a solemn sacrament. I stood before my priest, my family, my friends and my God and made a vow to Abbey to 'forsake all others for as long as we both shall live.' It is a vow that I did and do not take lightly. I find adultery in any situation to be abhorrent and against everything that I believe in. Do people make mistakes? Of course they do. Have I ever made mistakes? Of course I have, but I have NEVER made THAT mistake. From the moment that I met Abbey, I have been true to her, physically and emotionally." 

"Your marriage has been through a lot this past year. You spent the fall separated while you, Mrs. Bartlet, went home to your farm with the children to recuperate from the traumatic kidnapping. Now you are planning a vow renewal ceremony on your anniversary this summer. You have often said that the President is your rock and that you are his safe harbor, but how gratifying was it to hear what your friends, colleagues and members of the press had to say about your union?" 

"It was extremely gratifying, very eye opening." Abbey admitted. "Our marriage has always been grounded in love, trust, respect, mutual admiration and shared values and dreams. It's a strong marriage and we have always believed that we're very lucky to have such a truly special relationship, but hearing what all those people had to say about us, to see that kind of faith in the love and strength of our marriage was very, very touching." 

"Indeed it must have been. Now, on a lighter note. You are planning your vow renewal ceremony to take place at your summer home in Maine. Have you decided yet on a second honeymoon destination?" 

"I offered Abbey the world," Jed grinned. "She had her choice of anywhere on the map." 

"And?" Charlie looked at them expectantly. 

"And she chose Ireland." 

"Ireland? It's a beautiful country, but you didn't want to be sunbathing in Bora Bora?" 

"No, maybe some other time," Abbey laughed. "As you know, Jed and I are both of Irish descent and Ireland was where we spent our honeymoon. But, at twenty-two and twenty-one years of age and on our way to grad school, we didn't have much time or money and I'm really looking forward to going back, maybe looking up some long lost relatives. It's a very special place in both our hearts." 

"Well, thank you both for taking the time out of your busy schedules to talk with us. All of us here at ABC wish you and your family a happy Easter." 

"And you, Charlie." 

As soon as the interview was over, Jed hopped to his feet. 

"Where are you off to in such a rush?" Abbey took his hand to keep him from heading off. 

"Can't stay, babe. Meetings, meetings and more meetings." 

Still processing all the meaningful things he had said about her and about their marriage, Abbey nodded. The hardest thing about Jed being President for her was the lack of private time. She really could have used a few moments with him, but part of being the First Lady was accepting that she had to share this great man with the country. Instead of complaining, just as he turned to walk away, she gave his hand an extra little squeeze. Jed turned to her with a puzzled look. 

"Abbey?" 

"I don't want to keep you. I know this isn't the time to do mushy. But, it's just...What you said on the air... Jed, hon, you really touched my heart." 

"I didn't say anything on the air that I haven't said to you a thousand times." 

"I know. Said to ME. But the fact that you were able to say all those things to the world without teasing, and without it being about how attractive you find me, but instead how much I mean to you as a wife, as a person. Well, I know that wasn't easy for you and I just wanted you to know how much it meant to me." She tiptoed up and gave him a quick peck to the cheek, then with a wicked little grin she reached around to give him a sharp little slap on the rear. "Now, GO, you have meetings, Mr. President." 

Jed grinned. "That I do, ma'am, that I do." He turned from Abbey and made his very pleased with himself way toward the West Wing with a whistle and a swagger. 

**** 

"Miz Bartlet, you spilled your coffee." 

Emily Bartlet gazed up at her housekeeper with a look that would wither a lesser individual. "I can see that, Alma." 

Alma Johannson returned with sponge and towel paper. "What happened? Is your arthritis kicking in again?" 

"My arthritis is just fine. I simply happened to be taking a sip of my coffee watching my son and daughter-in-law on television as they announced to the world that THEY were the ones having...well...marital relations in the Vice President's garden." 

"It was Mr. Jed and Miss Abbey that were fooling around in there?" Alma grinned widely. 

"There's nothing humorous about that, Alma. Although, I don't know why I'm surprised." 

"Yeah, those two never have been able to get enough of each other. I remember watching them one night dancing in the moonlight at the beach and they got a little carried away. Mr. Jed–" 

"Alma, please. That's my son you're talking about." 

"Well, it's true. And there's nothing wrong with a little affection. You should be happy that your son has such a good marriage." 

The old Emily might have given Alma a sharp retort, but the new Emily, the Emily who had almost lost her son and had since loosened up considerably merely nodded. Still she couldn't help adding with a shake of her head. "I just wish they'd be a little more circumspect." 

"Aw...let 'em have a little joy in life, Miz Bartlet. You only live once, you know." 

"How well I know, Alma. How well I know." 

**** 

"Mrs. Bartlet." One of Abbey's agents approached her in the reading room of the public library. "I've just received word that the former Vice President is speaking to reporters outside the front entrance. Would you like me to see about getting us out a back exit?" 

Standing with Aislinn on her hip and a juice box in her hand, Abbey's eyes narrowed. 

"No, Bruce. We'll go right out the front entrance as usual." 

"Yes, ma'am." 

Abbey set Aislinn down on the floor and knelt before her and Nicholas. "I want both of you to walk with Izzy when we leave today. Mommy needs to talk to somebody, okay?" 

"Okay, Mommy." Unconcerned, Aislinn sucked loudly on her straw. 

"Okay, Nicholas?" 

Nicholas shrugged, clearly not pleased with his mother's edict. His eyes fell to the floor. 

"Hey, sweetheart," Abbey lifted his chin. "You be a good boy and stay with Izzy and then we can play _Wheels on the bus_ in the car on the way back home." 

Dimples touched Nicky's cheeks as he smiled up at her with delight. Abbey's heart flip-flopped at that sweet little smile and the joy that danced in his deep blue eyes. It never had taken much to make her emotional when it came to her children. A smile, a sleepy cuddle, an "I love you, Mommy" was enough to fill her heart with a tender aching love that could easily bring tears to her eyes. 

As asked, Izzy hung back with the children as they left the library, Abbey striding off ahead. The advantage went to Abbey as she departed the building, since she knew what she was walking into. John Hoynes obviously did not. He was completely taken by surprise when he saw Abbey Bartlet and her agents depart the library which was right next to the VFW where he had been speaking. He was surrounded by press and could not ignore the First Lady, especially when she made eye contact with him. Putting on what Abbey now knew was his extremely fake, charming campaign smile and that now reminded her of a snake ready to strike a weak spot with venom, he excused himself from the press to say hello to an old friend then approached her with trepidation. Abbey's green eyes were shooting daggers at him as he approached, but he couldn't stop now – not with the press watching his every move. 

"Hello, Abbey." He reached out to take her hands in his and started to bend down to kiss her cheek. He stopped when she stiffened and backed away from him. 

"It's 'Mrs. Bartlet' to you," Abbey said coolly. "Only my friends call me Abbey." 

"We were friends once." John gave her his best hurt puppy dog look, but Abbey wasn't buying it. 

"'Once' being the operative word there." 

"You're angry that I wrote about the incident in the garden?" 

"I was. But, you know, I'm not anymore because I'm not ashamed about the way I feel about my husband. I'm not ashamed of any part of our relationship and that's certainly not something that you can say about your own marriage, is it? Yes, the world now knows that it was Jed and I in the garden. Big deal. So, the President has a thing for his wife. There certainly isn't any shame in that. But, it does reflect rather badly on you and the fact that your thing is with other women." 

John's face reddened but he did his best to look relaxed for the press that the Secret Service kept at a distance. "In retrospect, I probably never should have brought it up. You two killed me with your interview this morning." 

"But you did have the bad manners to bring it up. And you know why you did? Other than the fact that you thought your little mysterious titillation would sell books? You did it because you're jealous." 

"Jealous?" 

"Come on, John. You've been jealous of Jed from the get go. You were jealous during the '98 campaign when he kicked your ass all over the country and you were seething with jealousy when you had to accept his offer to be Vice President. You were jealous every time you walked into that Oval Office and saw Jed sitting where you thought YOU should be and every time you got sent on a mission for him that you felt was beneath you. And I'll tell you something else; I'm not an idiot. You were spitting with jealousy that morning after the fundraiser because the President got something in that garden that you wish you had gotten." 

John raised a brow; Abbey had hit the nail on the head. It had killed him to wake up every day and play second banana to Jed Bartlet, a nobody from peon little state in New England. And, what she had said about herself was also true; he had wondered more than once what it would have been like to be on the receiving end of an Abbey Bartlet lovemaking session. Lord knew he'd heard enough of the Secret Service rumors to have vivid fantasies play out in his head quite frequently. 

"Touché, Mrs. Bartlet. Touché." 

"But you know, John, what I'd really like to know is how much fun you had rewriting history." 

"Aww...Ab..." John swallowed his pride. "Mrs. Bartlet... you know how it is." 

"No, John, I don't. Why don't you enlighten me. Why don't you tell me how you screw over the ONE person who stuck by you when everyone else, including his entire senior staff, wanted to drop you from the ticket. The person who wanted to help you weather the mess that you'd made of your personal life. Why don't you explain to me about how you repay that kind of loyalty." 

"You know damn well that I was never Jed Bartlet's favorite person." 

"My husband is obviously a good judge of character." 

"I'm just saying that you have no right to be so sanctimonious. I was not the President's best friend to say the least." John was trying to keep his voice down, to keep their conversation from being overheard by the press but Abbey had no such compunction. 

"No, you weren't," she seethed. "But, when the chips were down, when everyone was looking for a way to make the ticket stronger by dumping you, it was Jed who stopped that from happening. The only reason you even HAD a second term was because of my husband. Then, despite the fact that your having a mistress tucked away in a D.C. apartment and that you used the White House phones to plan your illicit visits to her made his skin crawl, he promised to do what he could to help you and your family weather the storm. And how do you pay him back for that loyalty? By making up lies about him and trying to make him look bad. I'd tell you that you should be ashamed of yourself, but you obviously have no shame." She turned from him to walk away back to where Izzy waited with her children, then turned back, her tone filled with disgust "I honestly don't know how you live with yourself." 

Her last statement was loud enough for the press to hear and they continued to scribble even more furiously at that point. They had their soundbite, and oh, boy, what a soundbite it was. 

**** 

" _Terror in Transylvania_?" Zoey turned from the popcorn machine where she was filling a bag of popcorn to share with Charlie and Deanna to look at her parents with a raised brow. "We always watch _The Ten Commandments_ and _The Sound of Music_ Easter weekend." 

"Talk to your mother." Jed squirted butter into his bag of popcorn. "This was her choice." 

"Mom, don't you think this movie is a little more suited for Halloween than it is Easter?" 

Abbey popped a Milk Dud in her mouth and eyed her husband speculatively. "I have my reasons." 

Zoey shrugged. There were times she knew she would never understand her parents' secret life. 

Abbey and Jed sat side by side in the front of the White House theater, while Zoey, Charlie and Charlie's sister Deanna sat somewhere in the back. 

As the movie started, Abbey's attention was riveted to the screen. When she first saw Babette St. Onge in her low cut skintight dress, her breasts nearly spilling out over the top, her eyes moved to Jed. Her husband's eyes were glued to the screen. 

"You know," Abbey whispered. "She's not even really attractive." 

"Sssh..." Jed admonished her. 

"Don't shush me, Jed. I'm just saying that I don't know what you saw in her." Disgruntled, Abbey crossed her arms over her chest. Jed looked at her out of the corner of his eye and his lips twitched with amusement at his wife's jealous ire. 

"What do you think I saw in her? I was seventeen years old. Look at her. Do you think I saw anything past those double D bosoms?" 

"Hmmm..." Abbey sniffed. "I don't know why I should be surprised that you couldn't see past a sweet pair of tits." 

Jed chuckled. "Well, you should know that better than anyone, sweetcakes. There's nobody on earth that's got a sweeter pair of tits than you." 

Abbey turned to Jed, a reluctant smile tugging at her lips. She looked from the movie screen down to her chest and Jed knew she had worn the cleavage-baring button up cashmere sweater to compete with Babette. "So, you like mine better even if they aren't a double D?" 

"Honey, it ain't even a competition." 

"Right answer, cupcake." Abbey gave him a satisfied grin and curled up against his side to cuddle with him. 

"Ahh...Now THIS is more like it." Jed draped his arm over her shoulders to pull her up tighter against him his fingers trailing along the side of her breast. 

"Are you trying to cop a feel, Mr. President?" 

"Any objections, Madame First Lady?" Jed fed her a piece of popcorn with his free hand while his other fingers continued to brush against the gentle swell of her breast. 

"Well, our daughter and her friends are in the room." 

"I can be discreet." Jed lifted her chin and gently kissed her lips. 

"HEY!" Zoey yelled from several rows behind. "If you two are going to be making out, we're leaving." 

Abbey gave a soft laugh against Jed's shoulder. "I guess discreet hasn't always been our strong point." 

"No, I don't guess it has been," Jed's low laugh joined hers and he swung his head around to gaze into the darkened back of the theater. "Sorry, Zoeykins, we'll behave. We promise." 

"Yeah, as if I'd believe that," Zoey rolled her eyes at Charlie. 

Abbey and Jed turned at the same moment to look back at their daughter. "We heard that!" 


	29. Time to Heal, A

"Well, that's a wrap. Thanks, guys." Jed jumped to his feet having just finished his live Easter radio address to the country. He glanced down at his watch but before he could comment on his next move, Debbie gazed at him over her glasses. 

"Easter Egg roll in fifteen minutes." 

"Right. Time for a little fun." 

Leo shook his head. How anyone could consider a morning spent with hundreds of screaming, laughing and crying young children between the ages of three and six "fun" was beyond him. Normally the White House Easter Egg hunt was a First Lady gig with the President stopping by to make comments, but since Aislinn and Nicholas had started participating, the President had been attending as both host and doting daddy. Leo followed Jed out onto the portico, a wide smile crossing his face as they stepped out the doors. 

"Now isn't that a pretty picture." 

Jed who had been filling Leo in on the history of the White House Easter Egg Roll turned to see what his friend was looking at and a tender smile touched his own lips. Walking toward them from the Residence was Abbey holding the hands of both Nicholas and Aislinn. It was a glorious warm spring day and Abbey wore a sleeveless sheath in a dusty rose color that was embroidered with little French knot bouquets, her long strawberry blond hair was left loose to flow over her bare shoulders. Nicholas, in his navy slacks and suspenders, was tugging her along, urging her to move faster; while Aislinn, wearing a white dress with a pink floral print overlay that was trimmed in white eyelet lace, skipped in her new patent leather Mary Jane's next to her mother chattering a mile a minute. Her blond curls were pulled away from her face with tiny pink butterfly clips, but when she saw her father and broke away from her mother's hand to make a beeline to his outstretched arms, those curls bounced against her neck. 

Jed lifted her up to his hip giving her a big smooch on the cheek. "Hey, buttercup. Aren't you just as cute as a bug in a rug." 

"I don't like bugs," Aislinn wrinkled her nose. 

"I've always felt that was a rather bizarre saying." Abbey stepped forward to kiss his cheek. "How many bugs do you know that are cute?" 

"Nicholas, what's the name of that movie you like with the bugs?" Jed looked down at his son. 

"Uhhh..." Nicholas thought for a moment. " _Bug's Life_." 

"There you go. Those are some darn cute bugs." 

"You do understand they're cartoon bugs, right?" 

"They're still cute." 

"Are we going to stand here arguing this point all day?" 

"We could." 

"Jeeed." 

"DAADDY." 

"Okay, okay, I surrender. We've got an Easter party to attend." 

"Yay!" Nicholas and Aislinn cheered and Abbey slipped her arm through Jed's and they strolled as a family toward the South Lawn and a tradition that had been going on since the 1800's. 

**** 

The White House South Lawn was transformed into a HUGE Easter party. Children raced around following TV characters like Barney, Arthur, Jimmy Neutron and Clifford the Big Red Dog. They rolled colored hard-boiled Easter eggs down a hill and searched for them in straw filled pits, filling their gaily-colored bags. Abbey sat in a big chair with a child on her lap and several surrounding her. It was her turn to do the reading of Easter stories. Every so often when she finished a story, her eyes would scan the lawn seeking out her own children. They weren't hard to find, as they were always with their father and definitely the center of attention. Thankfully, being raised in the public eye, the TV cameras and photographers didn't faze them. She watched them play egg croquet and when her time at storytelling was over, she joined them at the big straw filled pit where they were searching for eggs. She smiled as she watched Aislinn skip over to Jed with each egg she found wanting him to examine how pretty it was. Nicholas, on the other hand, was a boy on a mission, quickly filling his bag with the eggs until it was bulging. 

When Aislinn saw his full bag and looked into her nearly empty one, she looked at Jed with dismay. 

"I don't got so many eggs, Daddy." 

"No, you don't. But you have some really pretty ones." 

Tears welled in her eyes. 

"Here, Azlin. I gots lots." Nicholas reached into his bag and dropped a few more eggs into hers. 

"I'm really proud of you, son. That was a very nice thing to do for your sister." Jed ruffled the little boy's hair; and when he looked up, his gaze caught Abbey's. Eyes shining with pride and love, he balled his hand into a fist and tapped it against his heart indicating his love for their children. 

After the egg hunt, they took a juice and Easter cookie break and then partook in the parent/child Easter egg toss after which the kids had their pictures taken with the Easter Bunny and then made their way over to the petting zoo that had been set up. Both twins were enthralled by the small young angora bunnies. 

"Mommy, I want a bunny." Aislinn held a small bunny on her lap stroking the soft hair of its back. 

"Aislinn, you have two dogs, a kitty and a pony. I don't think you're deprived of pets." 

"Actually, ma'am," a man stepped in front of Abbey. "I'm the director of the Washington Zoo and I've been directed to give you these two young bunnies as a gift to your children." He held before him a pure white bunny and one that was more the color of nutmeg. 

Jumping up with excitement, Aislinn and Nicholas were on their feet in seconds to stand in front of the director who placed the bunnies into their arms. Cuddling their new bunnies to their chests, Nicholas and Aislinn turned pleading eyes to their parents. Abbey was stuck between a rock and a hard place. To refuse the gift would be rude, and lord almighty, was it hard to resist those pleading faces. Before she could say a word, a defeated Jed turned to Charlie. 

"See about getting a rabbit hutch set up in the gardens." 

"It's already been done, sir." The director assured him. "And we've donated a year's supply of food as well." 

Abbey leaned in to the director. "Those bunnies better be the same sex," she warned. "I don't need baby bunnies out the wazoo." 

"I assure you, ma'am, we thought of that as well," the director smiled. "They are both females. And that was how one Easter day, Sugar and Spice came to live in the White House. 

By 2:00 p.m. the party was over, all the children leaving with special presidential wooden eggs signed by the President and First Lady. But, while all those children returned to their homes via cars or public transport, Aislinn and Nicholas Bartlet were whisked away with their parents in a motorcade to Andrews Air Force Base and a flight on Air Force One home to their farm in New Hampshire. Wiped out from their busy day, the twins slept in the beds they had on board for the 2½ hour flight and woke up when they landed in New Hampshire raring to go. 

**** 

Spring came late to northern New England. While the grass was green and the flowers blooming in D.C., the trees in New Hampshire were still leafless, many of the lakes and ponds just icing out. April in this northern state was a fickle month and one never knew what to expect for an Easter weekend. The gamut could run from warm and in the seventies, all the way to a heavy wet spring blizzard. This year they had lucked out. The sun was shining brightening the once winter bleak fields, glistening in the dark water of the pond and lifting everyone's spirits. Spring was one of both Abbey and Jed's favorite times on the farm. Everything was just coming to life. Buds covered the tree limbs, baby calves ambled along in the fields next to their mamas and tiny new lambs frolicked and played on gangly limbs. 

But for Jed as much as he loved the farm, there were times during the past fall that he had come to hate it. Times that he felt it was taking Abbey away from him, times when he felt that he would never be welcome here again. Emotionally, that had been devastating to him on so many levels, one of which was how much this place meant to him. It had been a refuge from his own cold home when he was a child and later after he and Abbey took it over they had raised their family here and it held so many happy memories. He couldn't help but think back to the last time that he'd been here. There had been such pain, such turmoil, such distance between him and Abbey. Never had their marriage experienced anything like that. Abbey had been so furious with him for suggesting that the children come back to Washington with him. He knew now how terribly his suggestion had hurt her, but back then he had only been able to see his own pain and his own mounting fears that he might never be able to make things right with Abbey again. That he was going to lose everything that he held dear. His jaw tightened as he fought back the memories of that dark time in his marriage and that was when he felt his hand enclosed in another softer hand. He turned from the window to see Abbey looking at him, tears shining in her eyes. "I love you" she silently mouthed to him. Jed nodded with sweet half smile and squeezed her hand. She loved him and that was all that mattered. 

Nora's eyes widened and took everything in as the motorcade made its way up the long drive past woods, fields, orchards and ponds – past big barns and a silo and whitewashed fences that divided the fields into paddocks. Then, at the very end of the drive was a large white colonial home that sat regally on top of a hill overlooking it all. What a gorgeous view they must have from that big farmer's porch she thought. 

"Abbey," she breathed. "This is all so picturesque, so beautiful. How did you ever leave here?" 

"It wasn't easy." Abbey took Jed's hand. "But, we had a little date with destiny." 

"This is all yours?" She turned to Jed. 

"As far as the eye can see," Jed's chest puffed out a bit with pride. He loved the farm and took much pride in it. "182 acres. It's been in my family for generations." 

"And it's an actual working farm?" 

"You bet. Mainly dairy, but like most New Hampshire farms, we've branched out into seasonal farming as well. In the early spring, when the sap is running, we have a sugarshack right back over there to make maple syrup. In the summer, we have acres of corn mainly to feed the dairy cows, but we enjoy some good corn on the cob as well; and in the fall, we harvest apples out of the orchard. Before I became President, the girls used to make extra money working a little farm stand selling our apples and produce in the fall." 

"And I have a large garden that Jed hasn't had the guts to plow under yet, so all summer we have fresh vegetables and herbs." 

"I resent that, Abigail. I enjoy a good fresh tomato from the garden as much as the next person." 

"Yeah, and tell her how much you like everything else in the garden." 

"Moderation, baby. I can take anything in moderation." 

"So, who takes care of all this? It seems like it would be a pretty big undertaking." 

"It is a big undertaking and I can't take credit for it, that's for sure." 

"Jed likes to play gentleman farmer," Abbey grinned. 

"Hey, I've gotten my hands dirty plenty of times," he protested. 

Abbey rolled her eyes. "Anyway, we have a farm manager, Hank McKenna." 

"He's been running the place since I was a teenager," Jed added. "He's getting close to retirement age but refuses to slow down. His wife passed away a few years back and his only son and his wife live in the North Country, so I think the farm is what keeps him going. He's a tough old bird, and to be honest I'm dreading the day that he does retire. I'm not sure anyone could run that farm as smoothly as old Hank. Before I became President, I used to go over with the books and finances, but my brother took over doing that when I came down to Washington. He and his wife Sally get half the proceeds from the farm." 

"Jed's always felt a little guilty that we inherited the farm. His family is very old school, you know, eldest son gets it all; so we've always given Jon and Sally a cut in the profits. Anyway, you'll be meeting them tomorrow when they come over with Jed's mother for dinner." 

Nora noticed the looks that Ellie and Zoey gave each other. 

"What?" Nora asked. 

"Don't worry, Aunt Nora," Ellie assured her. "Grandmother Bartlet will love you. You're a nun." 

**** 

"Daddy, whatcha doin?'" Nicholas frowned as he watched his father dip the egg he had already dyed a pale yellow into the cup that held red. 

"If you mix red with yellow, you get orange and since we already have yellow and red eggs I thought I'd make something different." Jed pulled the egg out of the water and vinegar mixture. It was now a decidedly pale orange in color. 

Aislinn looked up from where Abbey was showing her how to dab her dyed eggs with a sponge for a mottled robin's egg effect. "I think it's pwetty, Daddy." 

"Thank you, sunshine." 

"I can't believe all the stuff they have now to decorate eggs." Nora cast a bewildered eye at all the different Paas boxes with tattoos and wax crayons and stickers and paints as she entered the warm cozy kitchen and took in the tight knit family scene. 

"Sit down and join us." Zoey scooted her chair over then went back to work on her egg. She was busy filling in the middle of a heart she had traced in wax with thick red paint. 

"Eww...Zoey, it's dripping," Ellie wrinkled her nose. "It looks like your heart is BLEEDING." 

"Well, what are you getting so grossed out about? You're a doctor." 

"I'm not a surgeon." 

"Well, I am a surgeon and it looks pretty gross to me," Abbey teased. 

"Are you telling me that a bunch of Catholics on Easter eve are grossed out by the bleeding heart?" 

"Oh, now it's THE bleeding heart," Ellie giggled. 

"I like your bloody egg, Zoey," Nicholas gazed up at her with guileless blue eyes causing everyone to laugh. 

"I always knew you had good taste, bro." Zoey lifted her little brother up onto her lap and the two of them started decorating a new egg with stickers. 

When all the eggs had been colored, painted, and stickered, Abbey informed the twins that it was time for a bath and bed. Needless to say that brought on a slew of protests. 

"But, Mumma, I wanna stay up and see da Easter Bunny," Nicholas pleaded. 

"Honey, you can't see the Easter Bunny. He's like Santa Claus. He comes after you're asleep and he won't leave an Easter basket if you see him." 

"I'm too 'cited to sleep, Mumma." 

Abbey smiled down at her daughter whose green eyes were indeed sparkling with excitement. There was nothing like having a young child in the house for the holidays. Abbey was anticipating Easter morning almost as much as they were. 

"I know you're excited, but I bet after you take your bath and we read _The Velveteen Rabbit_ again you'll be sleepy enough to fall asleep. Remember the faster you go to sleep the faster morning will come." 

"Do you want some help?" Nora asked as Abbey began ushering the kids out of the kitchen. 

"No, I'm all set." Abbey cast an eye at Jed. "But would you mind helping Jed clean up the mess in here? 

"Not at all." 

"We'll help too, Dad," Ellie said. 

"Nora and I will be fine. You girls don't get to see each other very often. Go catch up." Nobody caught the little wink he sent Abbey's way except the person for whom it was intended. The time alone had been designed by the two of them to give him and Nora some one on one time to help her get used to being in his presence. It really bothered Jed that Nora was so uncomfortable around him. 

They worked together in silence for a little while and finally Jed bit the bullet. "Nora, may I ask you a personal question?" 

Nora turned to him nervously. "Well...um...yes, of course." 

"Do I frighten you?" 

"Frighten me?" 

"Yes. Have I done anything to scare you?" 

"No, of course not." Nora was shocked. Since she had basically moved in with Jed and Abbey, she had witnessed nothing but love, humor and gentleness from the man who stood before her. 

"Then why do you seem so wary when you're in my presence and why do you react like a frightened rabbit anytime we're left alone in a room?" 

"I'm not afraid of you. It's not that. I'm not sure how to explain it. I guess it's just a new experience for me. I was in that convent a very, very long time. The only man I ever talked to was the priest who came to say Mass on Sundays and listen to our confessions. Until a couple months ago, I hadn't been in a room with a man – a male – since I was a teenager." 

Jed nodded. "I can see why that might be disconcerting." 

"Everything out here is so new to me. I mean I had a hard time just baring my ankles in front of women, never mind a man. But...it's more than that...You– well, you and Abbey together, there's something electric between you and you have such a passion for each other." 

"And we aren't afraid to show it," Jed nodded. "Does it embarrass you to see us that way? To find us kissing on the couch or cuddling up together reading?" 

"I won't lie. It did in the beginning. I guess I felt like I was witnessing something very intimate, something that I shouldn't be seeing. But then I realized just how wonderful that it was that you love each other so much and that you aren't afraid to express that love. But you also made me face some things about myself, about the choices that I made...about my own sexuality, or lackthereof." Nora's face was beet red by this point. It was amazing to her that she was having such a frank discussion at all, never mind with a MAN. "Now, can I ask you a personal question?" 

"Sure MY life's an open book," he grinned. 

"Abbey said that you went to Notre Dame because you had thought about becoming a priest and you said you decided not to go into the seminary because you met Abbey. Was that the only reason?" 

"Abbey was a huge part of my decision, but no, she wasn't the only reason. She simply helped me make up mind once and for all. I hadn't really decided what I wanted to do when I got to college. My mother loved the idea of me becoming a priest and my father HATED it. So I think I got a perverse sense of satisfaction by leading him to believe I might be headed in that direction and it's one of the reasons that I decided to attend Notre Dame, although really in my mind, I never thought of going anywhere else. I loved the idea of going to Notre Dame with all its traditions and after being forced to go to an Episcopalian boarding school all my life, I was relishing the idea of immersing myself with other Catholic students. One of my mother's brother's, Father Robert Flynn, taught at Notre Dame and I took a student aid job with him in his offices. He became my mentor of sorts. I started out majoring in theology with a minor in American Studies and I loved my theology courses. I loved the philosophical and moral dilemmas. I loved arguing points in the Bible and I loved learning biblical history." 

"I sense a 'but' coming here." 

"Yeah, and it's a big 'but'. I loved my classes, I loved the idea of helping people but I just couldn't wrap myself around the idea of actually becoming a priest. I mean it's such a HUGE step. There were others in my classes that were going on to seminary and they seemed so SURE of what they were doing. Some of them really felt that God had reached out and touched them. That He had given them a sign that this was to be their chosen path. I LONGED for something like that. I'd never felt that kind of calling and I was filled with doubts. I knew that I'd be giving up my chance at having a wife and children, at having a family and a normal life; and yet it seemed like such a noble thing to do with my life. Still, nobody wanted a priest with as many doubts as I had; at least that's what Uncle Bob told me repeatedly. He didn't want me even thinking about seminary until I was 100% positive that becoming a priest was what I wanted to do with my life. One day I went to the grotto on campus and pleaded with God for sign, for him to show me what path to take." 

"And?" 

"And that night my friend Jenny convinced me to go to a party with her. That was the night that I met Abbey. The night that changed my life forever. I saw her across a crowded room and somehow I just knew that she was meant for me. I never believed in love at first sight until that moment. I didn't even know her, hadn't spoken a word to her and yet, I was so completely captivated by her that by the time we came face to face, I felt like I HAD to know her. There was something pulling us together. We ended up spending the rest of the evening sitting outside talking and getting to know each other and it was then that I knew. She was my sign. I couldn't feel that strongly about a woman emotionally, intellectually and sexually and still even think about going to seminary. I was not cut out to be a priest. Meeting and falling and love with Abbey showed me that. So, I changed my major to American Studies and made theology my minor." 

"What if you'd been able to get married?" 

"What do you mean?" 

"What if the Catholic Church had allowed their priests to be married the way they do in the Episcopal Church. Would you have still not gone to seminary?" 

"You know, Nora, I honestly don't have an answer for that. Had I been allowed to date and think about marriage and family with Abbey and STILL become a priest, I might have gone on to seminary. But, I doubt I would have lasted long as a priest. I'm a bit of a maverick, you know. I was enthralled with the idea of helping people, but my ideas and the church's ideas sometimes conflict on just how to go about that. We used to keep church and state completely separate but there are times now where they are coming very close to converging. There has actually been talk over the past few years of not allowing any politician who has committed to a pro-choice stance to receive Holy Communion." 

"I assume since you're telling me this that you are pro-choice." 

"Politically yes, although I would love to cut down on the number of abortions. I hate the idea of anyone using abortion as a type of birth control." 

"So what would you do if it came to that?" 

"I think a little part of me would die not to be able to commune that way with God, but I'd have to stand up for what I believe in. I mean if that happens, you have to wonder what will come next. Will they start monitoring Catholics with small families for using birth control?" 

Nora smiled. "Abbey and I had that discussion." 

"Well, really, it's an outdated concept. Yes, God said be fruitful and multiply and you know 150 years ago big families made sense. The death rate among infants was so high that a woman could have 10 or 11 kids and only have a few who survived to adulthood. And, in an agricultural society those children were needed to help a family to survive and most women didn't work. They were home to care for the children. It just doesn't make sense anymore and not just from an economic standpoint, although that is a huge consideration. With advances in childbirth and neo-natal care, a woman who has 11 children today can pretty much count on all them surviving, but at what cost both monetarily and to the mother. I mean I watched the toll being pregnant and giving birth took on Abbey. I couldn't imagine her having to go through that a dozen or more times. It's no wonder the age of death was so low for women back then. Their bodies simply gave out. And women work today, both for their own fulfillment and because most households simply can't get by on one income. What does the church plan to do with those dozen children in that case?" 

"The church does allow for certain types of birth control." 

Jed guffawed. "Rhythm. Doesn't work. I can tell you from experience. Abbey and I made love without the benefit of birth control during what was supposed to be a safe time in her cycle for her. Eight months later she gave birth to those two children she's putting to bed right now." 

"What are we talking about?" Abbey entered the room carrying a box of Easter baskets and candy. 

"The church wanting to deny pro-choice Catholic politicians communion and why banning artificial birth control is archaic." 

Abbey lifted a brow looking from her cousin to her husband. "Wow, look what happens when I leave the room." 

Jed grinned. "Kids all tucked in?" 

"Yeah, I used the lavender bath bubbles to try to calm them down. They really are very "'cited" to quote your son. So, who wants to watch _The Sound of Music_ while we put their Easter baskets together?" 

"How about _The Ten Commandments_?" Jed suggested. 

"How about we vote. All in favor of _The Sound of Music_?" She and Nora raised their hands. 

Jed shook his head. "Defeated by the women again." 

"That's what happens when you live in a democracy, babe. Let's go." 

**** 

"MOMMY! DADDY! Da EASTER BUNNY COMED!!" Nicholas and Aislinn threw themselves up onto their parents' bed bouncing on their knees with unrestrained excitement. Jed curled up instinctively to protect his privates from the dynamic duo who loved to throw themselves on him. Laying face down, Abbey pretended to be sound asleep and Aislinn bent over her pulling up her hair away from her face. 

"Mumma, you gots to wake up. Da Easter bunny comed." 

"And just how do you know that, little miss?!"Abbey twisted up quickly and grabbed the little girl tickling her until she was shrieking. "Did you already go downstairs?" 

"No. Ellie taked us to da stairs an' we saw da baskets. But, she say we can't go look until we wake you up." 

"Well, Ellie is absolutely right. Go back to your room and get your bathrobes, then we'll all go downstairs." 

The children scampered off, eager to do whatever was needed to get down and look at those baskets. Abbey turned to slide out of bed, smiling as she saw the single white rose in the vase next to the bed. Not once in all the years they'd been married had Jed forgotten to mark this special day in their history in just this way. She bent down to sniff the flower and Jed came up behind her his hand sliding across her rear. 

"A long time ago, on a sunny day like today, I asked the prettiest girl in the world to marry me." 

Abbey smiled and stood leaning back against his chest. "Oh yeah, what did she say?" 

"Oh, she said she adored me, that she worshipped the ground that I walked on and would spend the rest of her days kissing my feet and doing whatever I asked of her." 

Abbey laughed. "Whatever happened to THAT girl? 'Cause you got me instead." 

Jed slipped his hands inside her silky pajama top and gently rubbed the warm skin of her flat stomach. "Yeah, I did," he breathed into her ear. "And how lucky I was that I did." 

"I think I was pretty lucky myself. It's not every day that a girl gets engaged AND loses her virginity in the same day." 

"You know, I was thinking, later this evening how about a little historical re-enactment." His lips nuzzled on her neck just as his fingers slipped teasingly under the waistband of her pajama bottoms. 

"Depends on what you wanted to re-enact." 

"What do you think?" 

"I think that I can't make myself a virgin again. And, watch where those fingers are going, buddy." Abbey yanked gently at his hand pulling it up just as he had started to trace the edge of her mound. 

Jed chuckled knowing she was right. It wasn't fair to turn her on when their kids would be back at the door any second. "Nobody said it had to be an exact re-enactment." 

"Mommy, Daddy. Let's GO!" The door to their bedroom was flung open and Jed stepped back from Abbey to eye his excited young children. 

"Okay then," he boomed. "Let's go see what the Easter bunny brought us!" 

**** 

Ellie entered the kitchen sidling up to where her mother stood in her silky bathrobe cooking breakfast at the stove. At the sound of her daughter's sigh, Abbey turned to her. 

"You okay, angelpuss?" She reached out a hand to lay lovingly against her daughter's cheek. 

"Yeah, I'm okay." Ellie touched her mother's hand where it lay against her cheek. "I just wish Sam could have come with me." 

"He's back in California with his parents?" 

"Yeah. He planned on coming here, but he got a call from his mother earlier in the week and she really wanted him to come home. Evidently she and his father have something important they want to discuss with him." 

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. It sucks to be separated on the holidays." 

"It sure does." 

"Hey, Mama," Zoey stumbled into the kitchen half asleep wearing faded old boxers and a tank top, her bathrobe dangling from her shoulders. "What's for breakfast? It smells divine." She wrapped her arms around Abbey's waist from behind and peered over her shoulder to see what she was whisking in a pan. "Is that what I think it is?" 

"If you think it's Hollandaise sauce for the Eggs Benedict you'd be correct." 

"Eggs Benedict, I LOVE you, Mama dear." She kissed her mother's cheek. 

"Glad to hear it. Can you get a couple bowls out of the cupboard and make your sister and brother some oatmeal, and Ellie would you please slice the banana bread. It's hot out of the oven." 

"What can I do to help?" Nora asked. 

"There's a big fruit salad in the refrigerator and a pitcher of orange juice. If you'd put that out on the table, I think we're just about ready for breakfast. 

"Where's Daddy?" Zoey asked. 

"Can't you hear him? He, Aislinn and Nicholas are playing with the new Matchbox cars they got in their Easter baskets, and if I know your father the way that I do, he's skifing candy out of their baskets when they aren't looking." 

Ellie smiled. "Guess the gourmet jelly beans you gave him with all his Glacier Bay shower gels and shaving creams just weren't enough for his sweet tooth." 

"What do you think?" 

"Well– " Zoey looked into the Easter basket her father had given her mother noting right away that the cover was off the tin box of Harry and David chocolate covered fruit that was her mother's absolute favorite candy. The box sat amidst a luxury of her mother's favorite body lotions, creams, talcum powders and perfume. "It looks like you've gotten into your candy as well." 

"Don't be a snitch, Zoey, it doesn't become you. And, get your fingers out of my candy. You have your own basket." 

Zoey grinned. Indeed she did, filled with her favorite Godiva chocolates, gourmet jelly beans and a plethora of products from Bath and Body Works where her mother had obviously done much of her shopping since all of them, including her father, had been the beneficiaries of that visit. 

**** 

With breakfast finished and cleaned up, the Bartlet family, in their Easter finery, prepared to leave for Mass at Holy Trinity. Aislinn stood at Abbey's side watching her put her earrings on as they were heading out the door. 

"Mama, you're pretty," she told her. 

Abbey stopped and looked down at her adorable little girl. "You're pretty too, baby girl. But, you know what's better than being pretty?" 

Aislinn's brow furrowed. "What?" 

"Being smart." Abbey winked at her and took her hand. "And you, Aislinn Bartlet, are one smart cookie." 

The press had been cordoned off waiting for the arrival of the Bartlets since dawn with photographers and news cameras vying for the best position to view the first family. They were not disappointed, especially when they saw the First Lady walking in holding little Aislinn's hand, a white stuffed bunny tucked in Aislinn's other arm. They were wearing matching lavender linen coats over their dresses – Aislinn's a lavender organza with a flouncy skirt, Abbey's a more streamlined sheath. They both wore lavender straw hats uptilted in the front and adorned with purple and white flowers. Soft curls of pale blond and strawberry spilled out from underneath their hats. They were the perfect mother/daughter picture. 

"Aislinn! Aislinn, look over here! Aren't you a pretty girl." 

Aislinn turned at that statement to look at the person who had shouted that at her. "My mommy says I'm SMART." 

The entire press corps burst into laughter and Abbey grinned down at her daughter. "Good answer, kiddo." 

Behind the two of them came the President holding Nicholas' hand, the sun shining off their tawny heads, the President's a couple shades darker than his son's light blond. The President wore a dove gray suit with a royal blue tie; while his son, carrying a small Paddington bear in his arm, wore a navy blazer, khakis and loafers, for the first time looking like a real little boy, not a baby or toddler. Then Ellie and Zoey followed along with a woman the press ignored because they didn't know her. Elizabeth Bartlet and her family arrived just a few minutes behind her parents and siblings. 

**** 

Nora had never been to a meal quite like the Easter dinner she had with the Bartlet and O'Neill clans. Joining those who had been there the night before at the table were Elizabeth and her family, Jon and Sally Bartlet, Emily Bartlet and Beth and Michael O'Neill. There had been silence briefly while Jed offered a blessing on the meal, but once that was over, the noise level had risen increasingly. Nora found that Abbey, Jed and their offspring were all extroverted, intelligent and opinionated. Even Ellie seemed to have a different persona when surrounded by her family, teasing and taunting with the best of them. Nicholas and Aislinn babbled away to anyone who would listen and purposely dropped pieces of the brown sugar and maple glazed Virginia ham down to the dogs that lay at their feet. By her second glass of wine, Nora had relaxed and was enjoying herself. She wished that Maggie and Will had been able to join them, Abbey had graciously invited them, but Will had felt that it was still a little soon for Maggie to travel despite how quickly she was recovering. Nora herself was feeling completely back to normal. She still couldn't believe how easy it had all been. 

When lunch was over and pictures had been taken, everyone changed into jeans and they all went outside for another Easter egg hunt. Abbey wasn't sure who had more fun, the kids finding them or Jed hiding them. 

After the hunt, they decided to walk off their lunch by giving Nora a tour of the farm. They all laughed as Panda, her herding instincts in overdrive, ran out barking into the pasture that held a small herd of sheep and ran circles around the confused animals who had never been herded up before. 

"What do you have the sheep for?" Nora asked. 

"They're just left overs from Ellie and Zoey's 4H days," Abbey told her. "We didn't have the heart to sell them off, so they're still here. Jane has a friend who is a weaver and when we have the sheep sheared, we give her the wool to use." 

"Daddy, what's da baby cow doing?" Nicholas tugged Jed over to another fence where a newborn calf was nursing on its mother. 

"She's getting a drink from her mother. That's how baby's drink. Their mamas make milk and the baby drinks from them." 

Nicholas gazed up at Jed with curious eyes. "Did my mama make milk?" 

"She sure did." 

Nicholas was skeptical. His daddy teased him a lot. "Mommy," he called back to Abbey. "Did I dwink milk from you when I was a baby?" 

"You sure did," she smiled and lifted him up into her arms. "And you were a greedy little guzzler. That's why you're so big and strong today." 

Nicholas giggled and tucked his head under Abbey's chin. 

"Where does the time go?" Jed asked with rueful little smile. "Seems like just yesterday he WAS nursing at your breast." 

"I know," Abbey sighed. "And next fall they'll be starting pre-school." 

"I guess we just have to remind ourselves that each age has its merits. Well, until they become teenagers that is, then all bets are off." 

Abbey shuddered. "I don't even want to think about that." 

Later, when everyone had either gone home or convened in front of the television to relax and Abbey had put the twins to bed, she found a note on the refrigerator. "Meet me in our place." No name, nothing else, but Abbey knew exactly who it was and what it was about. She grabbed a barn jacket as she made her way out of the mudroom then crossed the drive and the field to the horse barn. A sense of exhilaration filled her. She'd thought Jed had forgotten about tonight. She should have known better. Hearing soft music playing, she climbed up the ladder to the loft and smiled. Jed sat on a large blanket he had spread out over the hay, a bottle of wine chilling at his side. The first few buttons of his chambray shirt were unbuttoned and Abbey felt the strong urge to slide her hand inside and stroke the warm chest underneath. How different this was from that day so many years ago when he'd asked her to marry him. That girl had yet to know the power and pleasure of lovemaking, had never delved into the deep world of sensuality and eroticism and loving intimacy she was about to enter. That girl had been trembling and scared – excited at finally becoming a woman, scared because of the fear of the unknown, the fear of the pain. Tender warmth filled her when she remembered her first time. The loving hesitancy and gentleness as Jed entered her body that first time. The pain of being stretched and filled and breached where she had never been breached before. The sweetness of Jed kissing away the tear that squeezed out from her shut eyelids, the slow questioning gentle thrusts of his body when she now knew what kind of fierce pounding power he had in those hips. The sheer loving intimacy she had felt when it was over and he lay on top of her with their bodies joined, as they had never been before. It had been one of the most beautiful, profound moments in her life and she was exceedingly thankful that she had waited for the man that she loved to be her first lover. 

"Penny for your thoughts." He patted the blanket next to him and she moved to sit down. 

"I was thinking about our first time." 

Jed reached out a finger to trace over her cheekbone. "Me too. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I'd never thought that making love to a woman would feel as good as it did when I made love to you." 

"You were so sweet, so gentle, so afraid to hurt me." Her hand slid into his shirt stroking over the course hair of his chest. 

"I hated that it had to hurt you." His lips touched hers. 

"And I loved that you were the one," her tongue traced gently over his lips. 

"Lying on that blanket naked, you were the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. You still are. I almost came just looking at you." 

Abbey's response was to deepen the kiss and before they knew it, they were stretched out on the blanket – mouths fused, limbs entwined, hands tugging at each others clothes, all thoughts of wine and seduction forgotten with the desire brought forth by the shared memory of their past. This time when Jed entered her body, he did so without fear; for this time, there was no gasp of pain from Abbey, only the sweet feminine moan of pleasure as she accepted his length deeply into her body, reveling in the feeling of him inside her. They moved together as one. Their bodies writhing and urging each other on, no longer novices in this lovemaking business. They were veterans of each other's bodies. They knew what drove the other crazy, knew where to touch, what to say and what each sound they emanated meant. And yet, it was still fresh, still exciting, still filled with a passion they'd never been able to assuage. And when it was over, when they'd both reached the pinnacle of pleasure, crying out each other's names into the night, they held each other as they had so long ago, filled with a deeper and even more profound love than they could have imagined. Still joined to her body and feeling profoundly grateful to be with her here this way when the last time he'd been here he'd been so afraid that he might never experience this again with her, Jed lifted Abbey's hand to his lips. He kissed the back of her hand then pressed his lips to the diamond and gold rings on her finger, thanking God that the breach between them had been healed and that their love for each other was stronger than ever. 

"I don't know what I would have done if you'd said no when I asked you to marry me." 

Abbey looked up at him, tears glistening in her eyes. "And I don't know what I would have done if you'd never asked me." 

From the house, Nora saw the flickering light of a lantern in the loft of the barn and smiled. She knew what her cousin and her husband were up to. Love. This house was filled with it – all thanks to the day a young man asked the Lord to show him a sign directing him toward his life's path and the Lord placed a beautiful, intelligent, loving, young woman in front of him. Thankfully, that young man had been smart enough to know a sign when he saw one, and the rest, as they say, is history. 


	30. Time to Heal, A

Back at the White House on a sunny warm morning, Abbey sat in an Adirondack chair in the gardens outside the Oval Office. Her glasses were perched on the end of her nose while she went over a guest list and she peered over them continually to keep an eye on her two young children who were playing on the swing set their father had had assembled for them when they were still babes. 

The vow renewal ceremony had taken on a life of its own. The country was enthralled with the idea. Magazines were begging for interviews wanting to know all the romantic details. But, since it was going to be a private affair, family and close friends only, the power elite of Washington were feeling slighted. Almost every woman in Washington had wanted an invitation to that ceremony and since both Abbey and Jed had friends in Congress, they decided that as a way of compromising and keeping the peace, they would have a large reception in the Rose Garden before they left for Maine. A glittering night at the White House that would be talked about for years to come. The power of a White House invite was HUGE in the beltway, especially to something like this. Anyone who was anyone waited with baited breath for the thick white, gold embossed invitation that stated one was invited to party with the President and First Lady. Abbey knew that and she carefully added and crossed off names. In spite of the fact that it was going to be a political and bi-partisan party, it was also more personal in nature and she wasn't going to invite any of Jed's enemies or any of the bitchy women she couldn't stand. She knew it was probably wrong but a part of her felt a touch of satisfaction every time she crossed off one of those stuck up old crones who seemed to take such joy in deriding her image simply because she hadn't stepped right out of the 1950's. She didn't tease her hair into a helmet, wear gowns that covered her body from chest to toe and she certainly did not avoid touching her husband like the plague. She paused for a moment as she arrived at Federal Reserve Chair, Ron Ehrlich, biting on the eraser of her pencil and nearly jumping out of her chair when a shriek of pain came from the swing set. She was out of that chair in a flash. Nicholas was on his knees in the sand under the swing, blood dripping from the eye area. 

Having a break for a few minutes in between meetings, Jed was enjoying standing in the window watching the sun shine in Abbey's fiery hair and watching his children play on the swing set. It was the main reason he'd had it put there, so he could watch them play when he had a minute or two. He'd been watching with a smile when he saw Nicholas trip and hit his face against the swing. He called out to Debbie to get some ice and quickly stepped out the doors and made his way over to his family. 

"What happened, Nicky?" Abbey tilted her son's chin up wiping at the blood with her fingertip trying to find the source and determine whether he would need stitches or not. Nicky was sobbing too hard to tell his mother what had happened and Aislinn was crying right along with him disturbed by all the blood. Upset by her charge's tears, Panda ran circles around them barking. 

"He tripped and hit his face on the wooden swing," Jed said, kneeling beside Abbey in the sand. "Is he okay?" 

"Facial wounds bleed like the dickens. I can't seem to find where he's cut– Ssh...Nicky, honey, it's okay. Mama's got you. Mama's gonna fix it...ssh, baby, it's okay." 

"Ma'am, is he okay?" The Secret Service agent hovered, not quite sure if this was just a typical kid falling or an actual emergency. As soon as the twins had learned to walk, Abbey had instructed all the agents not to make a big deal when they fell or rush to pick them up. 

"I'm not sure yet. I don't think it's serious. I don't think he actually got his eye." 

Jed dug in his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief handing it to Abbey. She sopped at the blood by the corner of Nicky's eyes finally able to see the tiny cut by his brow. 

"He's fine." She breathed a sigh of relief. "It's just a small cut. But," she pulled Nicholas against her chest oblivious to the bloodstains on her silk blouse, "you're gonna have one heck of a black eye, little guy." 

"I've got something to help with that." Debbie handed Abbey a bag filled with ice. 

"NO!" Nicky cried out when he saw the bag. Abbey lifted him into her arms and carried him back to the chair she had been sitting in cuddling him up on her lap. 

"It's okay, sweet pea. It's just a little ice. It's going to make your eye feel all better." 

"Mommy," Aislinn stood beside Abbey's chair. "Is Nicky okay?" 

Abbey reached out a hand to stroke over Aislinn's cheek and gave her a reassuring smile. "Nicky's going to be just fine. But, he is going to need a Band-Aid. What do you say, sport?" She gently brushed the hair back off his forehead. "SpongeBob or Scooby Doo?" 

"'PungeBob," Nicky mumbled around the thumb he was sucking 

"SpongeBob it is." She looked up to see Jed's bodyman standing watching them. "Charlie, would you mind?" 

"Not at all, Ma'am." 

"You don't have to go all the way to the Residence," Jed told him. "I have a box right in my office bathroom." 

Abbey placed the ice over Nicky's eye and Jed knelt beside her chair, rubbing the now hiccupping boy's back in a circular soothing motion. It was then that he noticed her guest list. 

"You're inviting Ehrlich?" 

"There isn't any reason not to." 

"No?" 

"No." She said firmly. "We bump into him at social functions here all the time, Jed." 

"Yeah, but this is OUR party. It's personal." 

"Well, it's also political and the only people I'm not inviting are the people we really hate– Don't give me that look. You don't HATE Ron." 

"How do you know?" 

God, he was adorable when he pouted, Abbey thought. 

"Because you have no reason to hate him. We dated for a few months. You know there was never really anything between the two of us." 

"Other than a little kissing and copping a few feels, right?" 

"Jed, that was a long, long time ago." 

He scowled. 

"Jed," Abbey said firmly. "It was a LONG time ago." 

"I know," he sighed. He knew it was wrong to be jealous over something Abbey had done with a man before she had even met him, but just the thought of her kissing someone else rankled. 

"Besides," she reached out a finger to trace over the frown in his forehead. "You're the only man I've ever loved and you did after all, get the milk, not Ron. You should feel sorry for Ron. He wanted me back pretty badly after I hooked up with you, but I couldn't even give him the time of day." 

"'Cause you were all hung up on me?" Jed grinned and grabbed her fingers kissing over her engagement and wedding rings. 

"'Cause I was head over heels, turn out the lights, the show is OVER in LOVE with you." 

"Poor sod." Despite the tone of sorrow for the man who had lost this incredible woman, a devilish smirk twitched on Jed's lips and lit his eyes. 

"Josiah Bartlet," Abbey had noted the look right away and amusement danced in her eyes. "Sometimes I don't know what to do with you." 

"I have a few ideas," he wiggled his brow lasciviously and Abbey burst into laughter. 

"I bet you do, darlin'. I bet you do." 

**** 

Handing out lollipops to the young children, Abbey watched the members of her parenting class depart the free clinic. When the last of the young women had left, she turned to see Nancy Beaufort one of the volunteer nurses leaning against a medical cart. 

"What are you grinning about?" she asked. 

"You. It's a really nice thing that you're doing for those girls. It's all they can talk about. For all their smart assed toughness, there is a soft spot for romance beating in all their hearts." 

"They just want what every woman – rich or poor, black or white – is looking for. Love. What do you think all those ill-advised babies are all about? A desperate...if misguided, testament to the need for love." 

"Well, having that luncheon party for them was an absolutely inspired idea. I mean how many girls in their circumstances can say they went to a party at the White House, and that their children play with the President's children?" 

For weeks now, all the girls had wanted to talk about in the parenting class were the details of Abbey's vow renewal ceremony. It had truly surprised her just how romantic, soft – and yes, saucy enough at times to draw blushes – those tough-talking girls could be. Abbey had come up with the idea of inviting them to the Rose Garden reception but after she and Jed had discussed it, they had determined that it wouldn't be such a good idea. The girls would be uncomfortable and out of their element, unable to compete with the designer clothes and jewels of Washington's elite. Instead, Jed had suggested a more casual barbecue to which they could bring family members including their children. Nicholas and Aislinn knew many of those children, as Abbey often brought them to the parenting classes wanting them to grow up with a rich sense of multi-culture that they'd never get once they moved back to white-bread New Hampshire. In the parenting class, they played with black, white and Hispanic children. They played with children who had accents – from Haiti and Cuba and Puerto Rico and the language of the ghettos. 

Abbey had loved the idea of a more casual afternoon, but with one change. Instead of a simple barbecue, she decided to have a large catered buffet with waiters strolling amongst them with trays of _hors d'oeuvres_. After all, how many times would these girls get the chance to attend a catered affair, especially one at the White House? And, it would show them that the President and First Lady thought they were just as special and important as anyone else visiting the White House. She wanted the day to be special for them, something they could one day tell their grandchildren about. 

"Well, Nancy, the White House is the 'people's' house, not just the 'rich and powerful people's' house." 

"Not very many Presidents remember that." 

"Jed does." 

Nancy grinned. "That's why I voted for him." 

Abbey's eyes, now filled with concern, moved to the telephone. "You haven't gotten any calls from the police or the hospitals, have you?" 

"About Alison? No." 

"Damn. I hate the idea of her wandering around on these streets. She's a thirteen-year-old kid who is nine months pregnant. She shouldn't be homeless sleeping under cardboard boxes." 

"I know. Just the thought of her out there with the druggies and gang members makes me ill." 

Nancy knew that Abbey had been worried about Alison since that morning, when she had gotten a phone call from Barbara Hill, Alison's aunt, Myra Hill's sister-in-law. It seemed that after the death of her husband Paul, Myra had gotten involved in an extreme right wing religion and then one day just disappeared. The Hills had lost any and all contact with Paul's wife and child. But, thanks to the stink that Myra had created over Abbey administering to and advising her daughter, Barbara had seen her on the news and tried to contact Myra. When she did, Myra had informed her that she had thrown her sinning daughter out of the house. Barbara had called the clinic hoping someone had news of her niece but much to Abbey's chagrin, she hadn't seen Alison since the girl had missed her last pre-natal visit. All day her mind had been filled with horrible images: Alison face down in the gutter somewhere, Alison shivering and cold standing over a grate, Alison scared and alone going into labor. 

As if on cue, Alison nearly fell through the doors as she stumbled into the clinic gripping her belly. 

"Alison!" Abbey raced to her side. 

"Oh, Dr. Bartlet, it hurts. It hurts SO bad. I know you said that it would but I didn't think it would be this bad!" 

Abbey sat the girl down and placed a hand on her hard abdomen. 

"When did the pains start, Alison?" 

"They started this morning...they weren't bad at first, but now they're SO bad." 

"Has your water broken yet?" 

Alison nodded miserably and bit down on her lower lip, perspiration dotting her forehead. 

"Alison, I told you to go to the hospital when the pains started." 

"I want YOU to be my doctor. I don't want nobody else seein' me like this. OHHHH!" Alison shrieked as another contraction ripped through her body. 

"It's okay, honey," Abbey rubbed her back and took her hand. "Don't fight it. Breathe with me. Squeeze my hand as hard as you want." 

This was a whole new situation for Abbey. Except for her experience in the delivery room with Elizabeth when she gave birth to Annie, she was more accustomed to being the one going through the birth process. But, right now she was taking on a role that Jed had played so marvelously in all her deliveries, chief comforter, coach, and in the end, cheerleader as she finally pushed their children into the world. 

When the contraction was over, Abbey and Nancy lifted the girl to her feet. "I'm going to do a quick internal exam right now to see where we're at," Abbey said. "And, I'm going to have Nancy call an ambulance to get you to GW." 

At the mutinous expression on Alison's face, Abbey held up her hand. "I'll go with you. I promise. I won't make you go through this alone." 

After helping Alison to undress and getting her up onto the exam table, Abbey slipped a rubber glove on her hand, squeezing a lubricating gel onto her fingers to do the exam. However, when she spread the young girl's thighs, it was quite evident that things had progressed beyond the point of checking for dilation and effacement. A tiny thatch of dark hair was visible – Alison's vaginal opening already stretching to deliver the baby. She knew then that the girl had waited until the very last possible minute to get into the clinic so that Dr. Bartlet would be the one to deliver her child. 

"Looks like we aren't going anywhere. This baby is about to be born right here." Abbey tried to sound chipper when inside she was quaking. She hadn't delivered a baby since her rotation in OB-GYN back in medical school and even then she hadn't been alone. She wasn't sure she was prepared for this. Giving birth to her own children hardly made her an expert. Most of the time she had been so out of her mind with the agony; she hadn't been paying all that much attention to what was going on medically. Jed had told her things that had been done to her after the deliveries that she simply did not remember at all. 

"Nancy, let's prepare for a birth here and get me some vitamin E oil. We don't want her to tear." 

Alison was screaming now, crying in agony. Abbey tried to console her as best she could, tried to keep her voice calm and reassuring when inside her adrenaline was pumping. She knew what to do for a straightforward birth, but what if there were complications. What if there was a problem with the baby? 

It didn't take long for the first complication to raise its ugly head. With every contraction, Abbey could see that the vitamin E oil wasn't going to be enough. Alison was just too small to give birth without tearing. She was going to have to do an episiotomy. She'd wanted to avoid it, knowing how irritating it was to recover from one, but better that than tearing as she'd been told when she had complained. 

"Nancy," Abbey spoke softly to the nurse. "Would you please get me one of the medical texts on the shelf? I want to give myself a quick briefing on an episiotomy." 

"Been a while?" Nancy asked. 

"You could say that. The closest I've come to one was the one that I had three years ago giving birth to Nicholas. I've never delivered a baby by myself. I only assisted a couple times in my OB-GYN rotation." 

Nancy's eyes widened, but Abbey was the consummate, confident surgeon. 

"Don't worry. Get me the book. I'm a quick study." 

Positioned between Alison's thighs, the episiotomy taken care of, Abbey prepared to help the young girl bring her baby into the world. 

"Dr. Bartlet, I gotta push! I gotta push!" Alison's body had completely taken over and Abbey sympathized remembering the strength of the urge. 

"You go ahead and push, honey, I'm all set and ready to catch your baby." 

Alison was sobbing now almost completely hysterical convinced that she was going to die. Both Abbey and Nancy tried their best to soothe the young girl and comfort her, but all of this was obviously too much for her. Abbey forced herself to pay attention to the task at hand and not think about how young this poor child was to have to be suffering through something like this. She watched the baby's head move forward as Alison pushed and then retreat as Alison fell back with hiccupping sobs. Her heart was racing and her mind was in overdrive thinking of all the many complications that could occur in childbirth. What if Alison hemorrhaged as she had after Nicky's birth? They weren't equipped to handle something like that. Nancy assured her that an ambulance was on the way, but Abbey couldn't help but worry. This girl was depending her; this baby's life was in her hands. 

"You're doing just fine, Alison. It won't be long now." Abbey's voice betrayed none of the apprehension she felt. 

"Can't you just PULL IT OUT?!" Alison screamed. 

"Nope. But you give me one more good push and I think we'll have a head." 

Alison bore down determined to get this over with once and for all and the baby's head slipped into Abbey's capable hands. Gently, she turned the head to the side her heart rising into her throat when she saw the blue tinge to the baby's face. The cord was wrapped around the baby's neck and had only gotten tighter each time Alison pushed. 

"I want you to breathe through the next contraction, Alison. Do NOT push." 

Thankfully, Abbey's surgeon's fingers were both small and incredibly dexterous. She was able to slip a finger between the slippery cord and the baby's neck and gently disentangle it before Alison's next contraction. While she suctioned the baby's nose and mouth of birthing fluids, the idea of oxygen deprivation and how much this baby had experienced shadowed her feelings of relief. 

"Dr. BAAAARTLET!" Alison shrieked. 

"Go ahead, Alison, let's bring this baby into the world." 

Two more contractions delivered the tiny baby girl into Abbey's hands. The silence was deafening. There was no newborn howl of outrage, no soft mewling wet cries. Abbey flicked at the baby's feet with her fingers; she rubbed the little back. 

"Oh, baby, come on, you can do it. Breathe for me, sweet girl, breathe for me." She suctioned the mouth again and when there was no response, she lay the baby flat on her back and covered her mouth and nose with her own mouth and gave two measured gentle breaths. Her mind and her heart pleaded for the baby to breathe. Her prayers were answered when her next breaths were met with a tiny little cough and then a weak little cry that progressed into a howl of protest. Abbey watched with satisfaction and relief as the baby's skin tone gradually changed from blue to a more healthy red. She handed the baby off to Nancy for her to monitor and concentrated on delivering the afterbirth and stitching up the episiotomy. 

"It's all over now, Alison," Abbey smiled up at her. "You're still going to feel very crampy and those cramps may actually be quite painful as your uterus shrinks back down to its more natural state. And you're going to bleed for a while yet, but all the hard stuff is over." 

Alison didn't respond, merely turned her head to stare at the wall. Abbey heard the piercing wail of the ambulance outside the building and took the baby, now wrapped in a blanket, from Nancy. She smiled down at the infant tracing a finger over the tiny little lips, a maternal warmth filling her chest. 

"You did this," Nancy placed a hand on Abbey's arm. "That baby was born dead. Without you giving her CPR, she wouldn't have come back." 

"I just did my job," Abbey was still smiling down at the baby overwhelmed by the miracle she had just had a hand in creating. "But you sure did give us a scare, you beautiful little girl. I bet you want to see your Mama, don't you?" 

Abbey moved to Alison's bedside. "Here you go, Mama. You want to hold your baby girl?" 

Alison looked at the baby and turned away to face the wall again tears streaming down her cheeks. "I don't want to be a Mama." 

Abbey gazed down at the innocent unwanted infant in her arms and then at the child on the bed who had just delivered her and a lump filled her throat. What an unholy mess this all was. 


	31. Time to Heal, A

"I thought you were never going to get home." 

Jed looked up to see Abbey walk around the corner of the bed with the sleek sensual moves of a panther. She wore only her white lab coat, a stethoscope and a sultry smile. Enticingly enough, the lab coat barely covered her hips and her bare legs looked a mile long in the high heels. The top buttons of the coat were left open to give him an enticing view of her cleavage and her long auburn hair fell in sexy waves over her shoulders. She moved toward him handing him the glass she had been drinking out of for a sip. It was a martini. Normally, he would have complained that it wasn't quite to his taste, but seeing Abbey standing before him ready to play doctor he swallowed without even tasting. 

"So, uh, what brought this on?" Jed looked down to where Abbey was working at the knot in his tie. 

"Guess I'm just in a doctoring kind of mood." She pressed her lips to the hollow in his throat. "Your pulse is running a little fast, Mr. President. What do you think we should do about that?" 

"I think I might need a complete physical, Dr. Bartlet." 

"Oh, you do?" Abbey was unbuttoning his shirt and paused to lay a hand against his cheek. "You are a bit warm. Are you feeling a little hot?" 

"I'm getting there," he grinned. 

"Well, we'll really have to do something about that. I think we should take your clothes off." 

"I'm right on it, Doc. You don't have to ask me twice." Jed hurriedly pulled at his belt buckle and Abbey bit back a grin. Her husband could be an adorably adolescent male at times. As Jed kicked away his pants and was left standing in his boxer briefs and his wide open dress shirt, Abbey pressed the chest piece of her stethoscope against his chest near his nipple. He jumped. 

"That's cold!" he protested. "You're supposed to warm it before you put in on my skin." 

"Oh, I AM sorry." She bent her head and blew warm air against his skin causing him to shiver, and then she pressed her lips to him sucking his skin into her mouth. Jed had been semi aroused from the moment he'd seen Abbey in her sexy little doctor's get up, but as she continued to pull on his flesh, stopping every so often to flick at his nipple with her tongue, his body moved quickly into full and aching arousal. 

"Oh," Abbey backed off looking at the tiny red mark she had branded upon his chest. "Now look what I've done." 

"That isn't all you've done, Doc." He took her hand and placed it against the heavy bulge in his crotch. 

"Oh, that must be really uncomfortable." Abbey squeezed gently and Jed groaned. She felt the liquid of his desire dampen the fabric of his boxers and felt a corresponding pull between her thighs, her own body moving into heated arousal. It was amazing how fast the desire could flare between them. "I really suppose that I should do something about this." She traced his hard shaft through the fabric feeling it quiver in response. 

Jed moaned softly. "Oh, I couldn't agree more." 

Abbey slid his boxers down over his hips eyeing the massively erect penis. She reached out and touched a finger to the tip spreading the drop of liquid that was beaded there all over the silky head. His whole body tensed with the intimate caress. "How does it feel when I do that?" 

"It makes me ache. BAD. You need to help me, Doc. Only you can make it better." 

Abbey turned from him. "I'll be right back." 

"ABBEY," he protested. 

"I'll be right BACK." 

Jed watched her hips swaying in the little lab coat and when she bent to reach into the drawer of the table beside their bed, he became even harder as it was quite evident that she had not a stitch on under the coat. She made her way back to him pouring the warming oil on her palms. 

"I wouldn't want you to chafe." Her voice was throaty now, the way it got when they made love to each other. She closed her hand over his erection, running it up and down the shaft in a squeezing, almost milking motion that had him moaning and thrusting his hips into her hand. 

With her other hand, Abbey lifted the chest piece of her stethoscope against his chest again taking a moment of satisfaction at the heavy fast beating of his heart that she had created within him. 

"Oh, Mr. President, your heart is beating wildly and quite erratically. We really need to do something to bring that back to normal." 

"Make me come, Doc," Jed ground out between clenched teeth as Abbey's hand quickened over him. "Then I'll be back to normal." His shaking fingers began working at the buttons on Abbey's lab coat until he was able to slide a hand inside. His hand squeezed her full her breast; his thumb teasing her nipple until her breath was coming almost as fast as his was. Abbey knew each time he was about to have an orgasm as his shaft would swell and he would squeeze her tightly, almost painfully, at which point she closed her index finger and thumb around the base of his penis and squeezed to keep him from ejaculating until after a while he was begging her to let him get off. Finally, she acquiesced but he changed his mind. 

"I don't want to come in your hand. I want to bring you with me." 

Turned on by pleasuring him and the torment to her breasts, Abbey was more than willing to go along for the ride. She turned as if to walk to the bed but Jed took her shoulders and turned her to face the couch. 

"No more teasing me with this gorgeous little rear of yours." He pushed gently on her shoulders. She got the hint loud and clear and bent herself over the back of the couch. It felt decadent and erotic and wildly exciting to be exposed to him this way, waiting for what his first touch would bring. 

The lab coat rose high up to Abbey's waist leaving her completely open to him. He reached out to softly knead her rear, bending down to kiss and press his tongue to the base of her spine until she was squirming against the couch. Only then did he slide his finger into her warmth, testing her and finding her more than ready to accept him. 

Abbey felt his fingers spreading her and held her breath with anticipation, letting it out on a soft moan as she felt his blunt tip at her opening and he entered her in one long slow slide. When he was fully penetrated, he bent over her back nuzzling at the base of her neck while he toyed with her breasts kneading them and tweaking her nipples as his hips moved against her buttocks. He was as deep as he could go but each little thrust in just a bit further caused Abbey to gasp and grab at the soft cushions. Finally, when he could bear it no longer, he stood back up behind her, grasped her hips firmly in his hands and began thrusting into her, his groans of pleasure and need joining Abbey's muffled whimpers. His orgasm built within him and his thrusts grew harder, faster, more demanding. He couldn't hold out much longer, Abbey had held him off for too long. He was going to come but he didn't want to do it alone. 

"Abbey– AAAbbey?" 

Abbey heard the urgency in his voice. 

"I'm there, Jed. I'm there...Oh....GOOOOD!" 

Just as Jed ejaculated deeply within her, Abbey came, her body constricting around his, causing his own orgasm to intensify to the point that he cried out her name. His hips continued to pummel her, prolonging her orgasm until his body was emptied of the seed that now flooded her. She whimpered with protest when he withdrew from her as she always loved the intimacy of laying with him still embedded inside her after they climaxed, touching and stroking and murmuring nonsensical words of love and sexual completion. But, this position was hardly conducive for that. She realized that the blood had been rushing to her head while they'd been having sex when Jed helped her to stand and she felt lightheaded. Immediately upon standing up, his semen had begun to trickle down her inner thighs and she squeezed her legs together to staunch the emission. 

"You okay?" 

"Yeah," she grinned. "Who's the doctor here, anyway?" 

"I believe I have the right to that title as well." 

Abbey rolled her eyes heavenward. "How many times do I have to tell you that a doctorate in economics does not a doctor make?" 

Jed gave her a sexy wink and went to the bathroom. He came out rubbing a towel over his sticky groin then handed one to Abbey to clean up. 

"So, what's all this 'Dr. Bartlet' stuff about tonight? Not that I'm complaining, of course." 

"Of course." She tweaked his nose affectionately then buttoned up her lab coat. "I'm just feeling pretty damn good about what I do right now." 

"You had a good day?" He pulled her down next to him on the bed and she curled up to his side. 

"I delivered a baby today. Alison gave birth at the clinic. And you know it was incredible, absolutely incredible. It was just me and a nurse and Alison. I was so nervous. I mean, you know it's been ages since I even helped deliver a baby. I had never done it on my own. I was petrified. I was so afraid that something was going to go wrong." 

"But it didn't." Jed stroked her hair back off her forehead. 

"No, it did. The baby's head came out with the cord wrapped around its neck. I had to remove the cord to deliver her but she wasn't breathing when she came out. I was scared to death, Jed, but you know those doctor instincts don't go away. I started doing infant CPR the way I'd been taught but the whole time I was doing it I was praying and pleading in my head for her to start breathing and finally, she did." 

"You, my dear, are an incredible woman." He tilted her chin up so he could kiss her softly on the lips. "Is the baby okay?" 

"She's fine. Her apgars ended up being okay, although she's a little underweight and jaundiced. But, she's not just a 'she', Jed. Her name is Abigail." Tears welled in Abbey's eyes. "Alison said she wanted to give her daughter my name because I was the first person who ever really cared about what happened to her and she wanted her daughter to grow up to be just like me. Can you believe that?" 

"What's not to believe? You're smart. You're brave. You're beautiful. You're compassionate. You're strong. What woman wouldn't want her daughter to grow up like you?" 

"I think you're a bit biased. But I love you for that anyway." 

"How is Alison doing with all this?" 

"Well, right after the birth she wanted nothing to do with the baby. I think she was completely overwhelmed by what she had been through and terrified by the idea that she was a mother." 

"I still can't fathom it, Abbey. I just can't picture a thirteen year old as a mother." 

"I can't either and neither can Alison. I talked to her Aunt Barbara and Barbara was willing to take Alison in and gain custody of her and the baby, if that was what Alison wanted. But it isn't what she wants. Jed, she doesn't want anything to do with that baby. She's just too young and too scared to be a mother. She's decided to move in with Barbara but she's going to give the baby up for adoption with the stipulation that they keep the baby's first name." 

"I think that's probably a wise thing to do in this situation." 

"I do too. Alison deserves the chance to get to be a kid herself and Barbara and her husband seem to be kind and loving people. I think Alison will have a good home with them. I just...I can't stop thinking of that little baby. I brought her into the world, Jed. Her first breath came from my chest, my lungs." 

"Abbey." He leaned back to gaze into his wife's face. "We have our hands full with Aislinn and Nicholas. We can't adopt a baby." 

Abbey smiled softly up at him. "I know we can't adopt her. Nicky and Aislinn already have to share us with the world far more than they should. But, I love you for having even considered it. It's just...I feel connected to her. You have no idea how I felt holding that precious new life in my arms while her mother turned her back on her. I can't blame Alison for that, but neither can I blame Abigail for being born." 

"What do you want to do?" 

"I want to screen the adoptive parents. I spent much of the afternoon at the hospital with Alison. She trusts me to find the right person to adopt Abigail." 

"Then you'll do just that." He kissed the top of her head while his hand caressed her bare hip. "Alison Hill was very lucky young lady the day that she walked into your clinic and you took her under your wing." 

"Well, I don't know about that–" Abbey squirmed, uncomfortable with the compliment when deep inside she'd simply felt it was her duty as a physician, a woman, a mother and a human being to help this child through the mess that had been made of her childhood. 

"Well, I do. What makes you such an extraordinary doctor, Abbey, is not just your brilliance; it's the fact that you really care about your patients." 

"Of course I care about them, Jed." 

"But you go the extra mile. You always have and you always will. You became a doctor because you wanted to help people – heal people. Your passion for what you do is part of what makes you you and it's always been something that I've loved about you. And you know," he tipped her chin to look into her soft sated green eyes, "I really do love you, Doc." He kissed her lightly on the lips. 

"Well, that's a good thing, Mr. President," she murmured as she nibbled gently on his lower lip. "'Cause I kind of like you myself." 

**** 

"Daddy...Daddy..." Half asleep, Jed heard his name being whispered but it was the tug to his hair that woke him abruptly. 

"Hey," he grumbled and opened one eye to see Aislinn and Nicholas standing beside the bed in their pajamas. 

"We gots to go cook Mumma's bweakfast." 

"Mmmm..." Jed nodded and closed his eyes again. 

"Daddy," Aislinn poked at his arm with her little finger, her voice louder and more demanding. "You TOLDED us we can cook." 

"Ssshh, Aislinn, don't wake your mother. I'm getting up." He sat up and gazed at Abbey. She was on her side facing the opposite wall, her even breathing telling him she was still sleeping soundly. He rubbed his hands over his face and through his hair, blinking the sleepiness from his eyes. 

"Daddy!" Nicholas did a little dance of impatience. 

"Hey, give me a break, sport." Jed swung his legs over the side of the bed. "Your old man can't go from 0 to 100 in the blink of an eye the way that you can." 

"Hunh?" Nicky frowned. 

Jed grinned and ruffled his son's hair. "It means I can't wake up and get moving as fast as you." 

"You is up now." Aislinn reached out to take his hand. "Let's go!" 

"Aye, aye, madam. You know the older you get the more you sound like your mother." 

As Jed was propelled out the door by the twins, Abbey muffled her laughter into the pillow. She'd been awake from the moment the twins had entered the room, and had been privy to the entire exchange between father and children and knew exactly what it was all about. It was Mother's Day. 

**** 

In the kitchen, Nora watched the Mother's Day breakfast preparations with amusement. Evidently, it was tradition in the Bartlet home that the children participate in making breakfast for Abbey on Mother's Day. This, of course, meant there were a few squabbles over who was going crack the eggs, who was going to pour in the flour and the milk and the blueberries and who was going to stir the batter, all mediated by a skillful and patient father. At least the children had been able to agree that they should use the heart mold on the griddle for the blueberry pancakes. 

"We want the heart 'cause we WUVS our Mommy," Nicholas told Nora. 

She smiled at the young boy. "I can see that you do. I bet your mom is going to love her breakfast." 

Nicholas nodded. It had never occurred to him otherwise. His mommy always loved everything that he and Aislinn did for her. 

"Well, I did the best I could, Dad." 

Jed turned to see Zoey sitting on the kitchen floor rubbing at what had once been the white ruff on Panda's coat with a wet towel. The white fur was now stained a pale shade of purple thanks to a Nicholas and Aislinn tug of war over the container of blueberries in blueberry sauce that had ultimately ended up spilled all over the little Sheltie's head. Then, before Jed and Zoey could get to her, Max had begun licking at it smearing it in and Oliver had panicked jumping from the counter to the kitchen table knocking the flour onto the floor in a cloud of white powder. 

"I LIKE Panda purple," Aislinn wrapped her arms around the dog's neck and gave her a kiss on the nose. Panda licked the flour from Aislinn's face. There were no hard feelings in the least. 

"Sir," a steward entered the Residence kitchen. "The rest of the brunch is on its way up to the solarium right now." 

"Great, thank you. Uh, sorry about the mess." 

"I'll send someone right up." 

"Thanks. I'd finish cleaning it but we just don't have time." He grabbed a large mug that read "World's Greatest Mom" and filled it with coffee and just the right amount of cream and sugar substitute for his wife. "You ready, troops?" 

"Ready, Daddy!" The twins grabbed their gifts for their mother, Zoey grabbed the platter of heart shaped blueberry pancakes and they all headed for the master bedroom. 

"Mommy! Mommy! SURPRISE!" The twins both raced to where their mother still lay feigning sleep. 

Abbey opened her eyes to see her children's bright smiles and twinkling eyes. "What's all this noise all about?" she asked. 

"It's MUDDER'S DAY! Look what we gots for you!" 

Abbey sat up with a smile and leaned back against her pillows gratefully accepting the mug of coffee from her smiling husband. The children were thrusting small brightly painted terra cotta flowerpots at her that they had obviously painted themselves. Inside each one sat a geranium – one red and the other white. Abbey accepted the gifts taking the time to thoroughly examine each one. 

"Look at this," she exclaimed. "What does AFB mean?" 

"That's me!" Aislinn pointed to herself. "I doed that one. Azlin Faith Bartlet. We planted the fowers ourself too, with Izzy." 

"And I doed that one." Nicky pointed to the NJB. "Nicholas Jo-si-ah Bartlet." 

"Well, I am thoroughly impressed. These are the most beautiful flowerpots I have ever seen. I think I'm going to bring them down to my office and put them right in the windowsill so everyone who comes to see me will see them and I can tell them that my beautiful, artistic children made them for me. Come up here and give me a little sugar you two." 

Nicholas and Aislinn scrambled up onto the bed and crawled into Abbey's outstretched arms giggling uproariously as she smothered them with kisses. 

Nora stood back in the doorway filled with regrets as she watched the family together. She might have been reunited with her daughter but she had missed out completely on her childhood. She would never know the joy of watching her take her first steps or the sweetness of being served breakfast in bed by an adorable toddler on Mother's Day. She would never see the excitement and joy on her child's face on Christmas morning or be there to kiss away her tears on the first day of school. She had missed all of that and no matter what the reason had been, it hurt – it hurt very, very much. 

**** 

There would be no breakfast in bed this year for Abbey on Mother's Day. She was brought upstairs and led down the hall by her excited children toward the solarium where the family often had breakfast on bright sunny mornings. And, this was a bright sunny morning. 

"Close you eyes, Mumma," Aislinn instructed. 

Abbey closed her eyes, both hands still held by her children, Jed, Zoey and Nora following behind. "Okay, lead me in." 

They did, everyone shouting "Happy Mother's Day!" as she entered. Abbey opened her eyes to a room filled with sunshine and flowers and an elegantly set table. The old antique buffet was lined with silver covered dishes and platters. Jed moved to them, lifting each lid and describing what was in them with flourish. 

"Eggs Florentine, rosemary and dill baby potatoes, scones with Devonshire cream and strawberry jam, banana bread pudding, strawberries with a brown sugar sour cream sauce and, of course, the _piece de resistance_ heart shaped blueberry pancakes." 

"We maked the pancakes, Mumma. We maked the pancakes." 

"It all smells delicious. Thank you so much, you did a fine job." Abbey lifted the lid to one of the dishes and lifted a brow at Jed. "Eggs Florentine? Isn't that a little out of your league?" 

"I'd love to take credit for it all, but there is no way – even if I COULD make all of this – that I would have had the time to have made it all before you got up. All we can take credit for are the pancakes. The kids wanted to cook you something." 

"Well, let's fill our plates and start eating." 

"We're not late, are we?" Ellie entered the room a little breathlessly with Maggie trailing shyly behind. With all the time that Nora had spent with Ellie while she and Maggie were recuperating from their surgeries, the two girls had become good friends. Jed was gratified to see that Maggie had accepted his invitation, extended through Nora, to spend the day with them. 

"Nope." Jed kissed his daughter's cheek. "We're just sitting down to eat." 

"Good, I'm starved." 

"Hey, no cutting." Zoey shoved her hip at her sister. 

"Who died and left you boss?" Ellie shoved back. 

"I have squatters rights. I live here." 

Ellie rolled her eyes but instead of getting in line at the buffet, she moved to her mother, handing her the large flat wrapped gift she had walked in with. 

"Happy Mother's Day." She kissed Abbey's cheek. 

"Thank you, sweetheart. May I open it in now?" 

"Sure." A light flush touched Ellie's cheeks at the sentimental gift her mother was about to open. Abbey's eyes widened as the paper was torn and the gift exposed. It was a large framed poem on delicate rice paper adorned with small water colored pictures in each of the four corners: mother breastfeeding infant, mother rocking toddler, mother brushing a young girl's hair and mother holding the hand of her grown daughter. The poem itself was written in beautiful calligraphy scroll and was personally signed by the author. It was titled _Mother, A Cradle to Hold Me_ and had been composed by Maya Angelou. 

"Ellie, it's beautiful," Abbey's eyes misted over. 

"I have a friend who owns an art gallery in Baltimore and she knew of an artist who does water color work on rice paper like this. Once I had it made, I contacted Ms. Angelou and asked her if she would sign it for me as a gift for you." 

"Abbey, read it," Jed urged her. 

Abbey cleared her throat, took a sip from the mimosa Jed had made for her and started to read. 

> _It is true_  
>  I was created in you.   
> It is also true   
> That you were created for me.   
> I owned your voice.   
> It was shaped and tuned to soothe me.   
> Your arms were molded   
> Into a cradle to hold me, to rock me.   
> The scent of your body was the air   
> Perfumed for me to breathe. 
> 
> Mother,   
> During those early, dearest days   
> I did not dream that you had   
> A large life which included me,   
> For I had a life   
> Which was only you. 
> 
> Time passed steadily and drew us apart,   
> I was unwilling.   
> I feared if I let you go   
> You would leave me eternally.   
> You smiled at my fears, saying   
> I could not stay in your lap forever   
> That one day you would have to stand 
> 
> And where would I be?   
> You smiled again.   
> I did not.   
> Without warning you left me,   
> But you returned immediately.   
> You left again and returned,   
> I admit, quickly,   
> But relief did not rest with me easily.   
> You left again, but again returned.   
> Each time you reentered my world   
> You brought assurance.   
> Slowly I gained confidence. 
> 
> You thought you knew me,   
> But I did know you,   
> You thought you were watching me,   
> But I did hold you securely in my sight,   
> Recording every moment,   
> Memorizing your smiles, tracing your frowns.   
> In your absence   
> I rehearsed you,   
> The way you had of singing   
> On a breeze   
> While a sob lay   
> At the root of your song. 
> 
> The way you posed your head   
> So that the light could caress your face   
> When you put your fingers on my hand   
> And your hand on my arm,   
> I was struck with a sense of health,   
> Of strength and very good fortune. 
> 
> You were always   
> The heart of happiness to me,   
> Bringing nougats of glee,   
> Sweets of open laughter. 
> 
> During the years when you knew nothing   
> And I knew everything, I loved you still.   
> Condescendingly of course,   
> From my high perch   
> Of teenage wisdom.   
> I grew older and   
> Was stunned to find   
> How much knowledge you had gleaned,   
> And so quickly. 
> 
> Mother I have learned enough now   
> To know I have learned nearly nothing.   
> On this day   
> When mothers are being honored,   
> Let me thank you   
> That my selfishness, ignorance, and mockery   
> Did not bring you to   
> Discard me like a broken doll   
> Which had lost its favor. 
> 
> I thank you that   
> You still find something in me   
> To cherish, to admire, and to love. 
> 
> I thank you, Mother.   
> I love you. 

"Don't cry, Mama." Standing behind where Abbey was seated, Ellie smiled through her own tears and wrapped her arms around her mother's shoulders from behind. Abbey took one of her daughter's hands and pressed her lips to the back of it, her eyes closing with the emotion of the moment. 

"I love you, Ellie belly." 

"Don't call me that," Ellie sniffed. 

"I think I will." 

"Okay, no more sappy tears. Open my gift, Mom." Zoey handed her mother her gift. "I think it's pretty cool, just like I think it's pretty cool that you're practicing medicine again." 

Puzzled by what one had to do with the other, Abbey opened the gift and saw the connection right away. It was a beautiful tall stained glass candleholder with the caduceus symbol of medicine – the twisting snakes and wings at its center. 

"When you light a candle in it, it really makes the symbol glow." 

"Zoey B, this is utterly gorgeous. Get your little butt over here." 

Zoey grinned widely and moved into her mother's embrace. 

"You did good, kiddo," she told her as she kissed her cheek. 

"Did you open Lizzie's gift?" Zoey asked. 

"I did. It came yesterday. It was a book called _Pearl_ by Mary Gordon. She sent me a review of it that was titled _Of Mothers and Daughters, Life and Faith. The conflict of modern life and Catholic faith_. It sounds fascinating and a lot of it takes place in Ireland so she thought I should bring it with me on our trip." 

"You think I'm going to give you any time to read," Jed whispered under his breath so that only she could hear what he said. He saw the twitch of his wife's lips and knew she had heard him. 

"That sounds really interesting, Abbey," Nora said. "Would you mind if I read it when you're finished?" 

"Um, Nora. I, uh...I got you a copy too." Blushing fiercely, Maggie handed her mother the book. 

"Oh, honey, you didn't have to do that." 

"I know, I wanted to." Then seeing the tears well in Nora's eyes she panicked. "Oh, no, have I upset you?" 

"No, it's just...I've never gotten a Mother's Day gift before. This is very special to me, Maggie. Thank you." 

Well, we better eat up," Jed said. "We have a big day ahead of us." 

"We do?" Abbey turned a puzzled look his way. Normally on Mother's Day, she and the girls and Millie and Brynn all spent the day hiking together. But, this year there had been a change of plans. Firstly, the twins were old enough to want to be included in plans for the day and they simply weren't old enough to hike long distances. Secondly, Nora and Maggie were spending the day with them and while they were both recovered from their surgeries neither were quite ready for rigorous hiking. And, thirdly, and what was most sad for Abbey was the fact that Brynn was not speaking to her mother. The girl had been blaming her father for her parent's upcoming divorce and Millie had finally had to tell her the truth about why they were divorcing. Brynn had not taken it well and was furious with her. Abbey had tried speaking with her goddaughter but the young woman was hurt and angry over what her mother had done to her father, to their family, and both she and Millie knew she had every right to feel that way. Still, Abbey hoped she would come around soon as what had come between her parents really did not have anything to do with her. 

"Yes, we do have a big day planned. After church we're all going to change and spend the day walking around Calvert Cliffs State Park and doing a little fossil hunting on the beaches. I didn't want you to miss your hike and I figured this was something we could all do as a family." 

Abbey had heard of the famous cliffs along the Chesapeake that had once been under the sea and were now eroding and spitting forth fossils, relics of another era, but she had never been before. "Sounds like fun to me. I'm in!" 

**** 

On the way back to the bedroom to dress for church, Jed slipped a long flat wrapped box into Abbey's hand. 

"Jed?" 

"For – you know – being the mother of my children." 

Abbey tore into the gift, her eyes lighting when she saw the gorgeous Cartier watch that lay inside the box. The delicate gold band held a face made up of tiny little diamonds and surrounding the oval face were the birthstones representing she and all her children. Aquamarine at the top for her, then to the right, blue topaz for Elizabeth, the purple of amethyst for Ellie, the clear diamond for Zoey, and the deep red garnet for Nicholas and Aislinn. 

"Jed, I don't know what to say. This is absolutely stunning." She lay the watch over her small wrist. 

"This is where I'm supposed to say that it pales in comparison to your beauty." 

"It is," she grinned. 

"Well, it does." 

Delighted with her gift, Abbey had no problem showing it off to the throngs of press that fought and yelled from behind the roped off areas at the church but, in keeping with the promises she and Jed had made not to discuss their children in the press, she refused to comment on what her daughters had given her. Of course Nicholas and Aislinn were more than eager to blurt out that they had made their mommy painted flower pots for Mother's Day and that they had cooked blueberry pancakes with Daddy for breakfast. People around the country ate up stories about the first family voraciously, especially because the President and First Lady were so careful to shield their children's privacy and moments like these were few and far between and were thus even more coveted. 

**** 

"Did you know that these cliffs were formed between 10 and 25 million years ago, during the Miocene Epoch?" Jed paused on the trail that led through the woods along Chesapeake Bay down towards the beach area at the foot of the cliffs where they would look for fossils and squatted down to his children's level. "You see that water out there?" He pointed to wide expanse of the Bay. Both children nodded. "That's Chesapeake Bay. It's the same water we see from our house in Port Harmony. Well a long, long time ago, this whole area where we are standing, in fact, all of southern Maryland was covered by the sea." 

"The water was here?" Aislinn pointed to the ground at her feet. 

"Yup. Then at the end of the last ice age, the sea receded and this land was uplifted and over 600 species of fossils have been found in these cliffs since then." 

"Shark teefs, right, Daddy?" Nicholas had been looking forward to looking for the shark's teeth his father had told him they might find. 

"Right. This use to be the bottom of the ocean so there are a lot of shark teeth and a lot of sea shells as well." 

"We gets to keep what we find. Right, Daddy?" 

"Yes. The wind and the water are constantly eroding the cliffs so there are always more fossils to be found." 

"He loves this, doesn't he?" Nora said to Abbey. 

Abbey's eyes touched lovingly on her husband and young children, all of them dressed in jeans, sneakers and short sleeved polo shirts. "Right now he is in his glory. Jed was born to teach. He's never happier than he is when he is imparting knowledge." 

"Whether we wanted that knowledge imparted or not," Ellie grinned as she kicked a pebble, "Right, Zo?" 

"Yeah." Zoey grinned back at her sister but the smile faded and she got a far away look in her eyes. Abbey knew where she went when that look came over her as she still infrequently went to that place herself. 

"Zo, you okay?" she asked. 

"Yeah. I was just thinking that without Dad and his wilderness lectures I might never have found my way out of the woods in Pennsylvania." 

Abbey nodded and squeezed her daughter's hand. 

The group continued on, stopping only when they finally reached the beach area along the bay. Abbey pulled buckets and sand sifters out of her backpack and she and Jed showed the twins how to sift the intertidal gravel for fossils. Ellie dug in the cooler to pass out juice boxes and bottles of water and soon they were all panning for fossils, excited squeals filling the air when a new treasure was found. Nicholas was particularly happy, as he had already found a few shark teeth. 

"Keep them in your bucket, Nicky and I'll see about having them made into a necklace for you," Abbey told him. 

"A shark toof necklace! I can wear it, Mommy?" 

"Absolutely. You can be like that guy, the shark hunter" 

"It's The Crocodile Hunter, Mom," Zoey said. 

"Well, I was close. They both have big teeth." 

"Can I has a shark toof necklace too, Mommy?" Aislinn asked. 

"Of course you can. Let's get sifting through the sand and see what we can find." 

Later, after the twins had tired of fossil hunting and had waded in the bay, everyone sat back bird-watching through binoculars and having a few snacks on the picnic blanket spread out on the sand. Abbey sent the twins off with little bags of grapes and was just digging into the cooler for a pear when Maggie sat down next to her. 

"Looking for something to eat?" she asked. 

"No, I'm all set thanks. I was wondering...Um...I'm really not sure how to bring this up." 

"What is it, Maggie?" Abbey turned a concerned face toward her cousin's daughter. 

"You were talking about that girl...Alison...and that she had decided to give her baby up for adoption." 

"Yes." 

"Well...Matt and I. We really want to have a family but because of my medical history, we weren't acceptable adoptive parents even if we had gotten married. And, even though I have a kidney now, the doctors aren't sure if I'll be able to carry a child. I thought, I mean, we'd like to adopt a baby once we get married but I'm still not sure they'd consider us." 

"Maggie," Abbey touched the young woman's arm. "Are you telling me you'd like to adopt Alison's baby?" 

"It's not a whim or anything. I've wanted a baby for such a very long time and it just seemed that it was something that would never happen for me. But, now that I have this new kidney, I have a whole new lease on life. I want to raise a family with Matt. I know we aren't married yet, but we've been engaged forever and now that my surgery is over and has been successful, we've talked of getting married right away." 

"Have you discussed this with Matt?" 

"Of course. This is a big decision. He wants a family too. We have a lot of love to give a baby, Abbey." Tears welled in Maggie's eyes. "Abigail would have a good life with us. We're stable emotionally and financially. We live in a low crime area and she would be treasured." 

It was that word that got Abbey right in the heart. She thought back to right after she had delivered Abigail and was holding the infant in her arms, remarking on her tiny features, her own maternal instincts in overdrive and then the look on Alison's face when she said that she didn't want to be anyone's mother. She had thought then of the moment that her own children had come into the world. How she and Jed had cried together at the miracles they had created. How she had held them tightly to her chest while the two of them had counted their fingers and toes and caressed their tiny limbs. Abigail deserved that kind of love. She gazed up to see both Nicholas and Aislinn on Jed's lap. Aislinn was feeding her father grapes while he had his binoculars pointed to the sky placing them to the children's faces to point out different birds to them. Children were treasures and Abigail deserved to be treasured. 

"I'll talk to Alison." 


	32. Time to Heal, A

Abbey sat in a chair in the hospital nursery giving baby Abigail her bottle. She smiled down at the sucking infant, hope spreading through her chest. She had visited with Alison and her Aunt Barbara earlier and they had agreed to meet with Maggie and Matt to discuss the adoption. Abbey hoped they would agree. She liked Maggie and Matt and selfishly she liked the idea of being able to see this infant, her namesake, throughout her life. She'd felt a connection with both Alison and Abigail from the first time Alison had come in for a prenatal check and she was emotionally invested in what happened to them. She sat for a long while with the baby willing Abigail to feel the love she knew was being withheld from her from her mother and only when she was fed and burped and sleeping did she place the newborn back in her plastic bassinet just as one of the maternity nurses entered. 

"Dr. Bartlet, I thought you might want to know that we have another one of your patients from the free clinic here. Lavonna Turner." 

"Lavonna had her baby?" Abbey smiled. It was the young woman's first child. "Boy or girl?" 

"Girl. She's got the baby in the room with her right now." 

"Good, I'll stop in and see her on my way out." 

When Abbey entered Lavonna's room, the baby was screaming. 

"Sounds like somebody is hungry," she smiled. 

"Mmmm...she's splitting my eardrums," Lavonna groaned. 

"Need any help? Are you breast feeding her?" 

Lavonna shrugged. "I know you told us in class that it's better for the baby 'cause of all the immunities to pass on and stuff, but Denny, he thinks it's gross." 

"Your boyfriend thinks it's gross to nourish your child in the most natural way possible? What do you think?" 

"I don't know. I thought about it. Did you breast feed your babies?" 

"All five of them." 

"Well, I guess if a fancy schmancy woman like you can do it, I can do it." 

"There's the spirit." Abbey grinned. She helped the young woman untie her gown and showed her how to position the baby at her breast. Lavonna jumped when the baby latched on. "It does take some getting used to," Abbey laughed. "Just make sure you put your finger in her mouth to break the suction when you want to burp her. If you don't, it will feel like she's ripping your nipple off." 

Lavonna flashed her a sarcastic look. "And I want to do this, why?" 

"Because it's good for your baby, and it's a wonderful bonding experience." 

The door opened and a big gangly young man came through. He frowned when he saw his girlfriend. "Hey whatcha doin'?" 

"I'm feeding your daughter. What does it look like I'm doing?" 

"But..." He stopped when the woman in the room turned around and he saw that it was the First Lady. 

"Dr. Bartlet breastfed all of her babies and if the President of the United States wasn't grossed out by it then you shouldn't be either, Denny Tucker." 

Denny shrugged and held back. He didn't like being told what to do by his woman. But, they could get into that later, when the First Lady wasn't around. 

**** 

"Charlie, did you pull DoD's report on the Pacific Missile Shield?" Jed had just returned from the Correspondents' Dinner and Leo was waiting for him up in the Residence. When his Chief of Staff had asked to take the call from the Japanese in the Residence, he knew there would be more than taking a call. He was probably about to be chastised for Abbey's departure halfway through the evening. Oh well, he'd deal with it. He always had. Being married to a brilliant, stubborn, driven woman was not always easy, but the alternative was unimaginable. 

"It's right here." 

"Thank you. Leo's coming to the Residence. We're going to take that call from the Japanese up there." 

"I'll send it up." He handed Jed the folder. 

As Jed started to take it and depart, a female agent entered the room. She handed facemasks to Jed, Charlie and Debbie. 

"Mr. President, I need you to don a mask. This is a crash. Put these on, please." 

"Is this a drill?" Jed asked. 

"No, sir. The Environmental Hazard Detector's picking up an unusual pattern of airborne particles." 

"We've had a couple of false alarms for anthrax since the last patch." There were so many false alarms; so many drills that Jed had a hard time believing this time the crisis might be real. 

"Everyone follow me. This way, quickly." The agent led the way. 

"Just do what she says." Jed told Debbie and Charlie and the three of them followed the agent out of the office and down the halls. "What about my family?" Jed asked. "Has Abbey already left for the clinic?" 

"Mrs. Bartlet and the twins are all in the Residence and we've shut the whole building down. Zoey is out with Ms. O'Neill and Ms. Byrne." 

"The vents?" 

"Taken care of. The alarm went off in Mrs. Fiderer's office. We've no reason to believe that the Residence has been affected but we are taking precautions. We're doing tests now." 

"I want to know when you get the results." Jed didn't like the idea of his wife and sleeping children as sitting ducks. 

"Yes, sir." 

They entered the decontamination area and Charlie noticed that Debbie looked a little nervous. "Is this your first time?" 

Debbie nodded. 

Jed gave her a wry look. "You're in for a treat." 

"None of you came in any contact with any powdery or gooey substances?" The agent asked. 

"Nope." 

"Open any sealed containers? 

"Breath mints, in a tin on my desk." Debbie said. 

"I smoked a cigarette," Jed offered. "Did the First Lady install a nicotine upgrade on the detector?" 

Debbie smirked at him. "You do know that if your cigarette caused all this she's going to kill you, right?" 

"I have no doubt." 

They looked up as a man entered the room. "Mr. President, how are you feeling?" 

"Dandy. I killed at the Correspondents' Dinner tonight. Have I met you before?" 

"Uh, no, sir. I'm Dr. Mike Gordon. I'm new to the unit, but I've been through all the drills." 

"I should do my 'Latin as the national language' run for him." 

"Uh, no, sir." 

"Meet my lucky staff. Charlie Young, Deborah Fiderer." 

"How you doing?" 

"Nice to meet you." 

"You need to keep on your masks." 

This was the first inkling to Charlie and Jed who had both been through this before that this was not a drill. 

"Sorry," Charlie said, "last time, they let us..." 

"Until the agents confirm the code, we're on standard respiratory precautions." 

"You've been here before?" Debbie asked. 

"Once. They usually turn us around at the bottom of the stairs." 

"Mr. President, I'm going to take your blood pressure." 

"Don't be shy. I'm used to being manhandled by the medical unit. Are you Army?" 

"Yes, sir. Have you been coughing any this evening, Mr. President?" 

"Not at all. What are you hearing, agent?" 

"The ventilation system shut down per design. No other detectors are picking up any unusual particles. A few personnel are being held at their desks." 

"How about upstairs?" 

"The Residence is clear." 

Jed nodded giving a quick thanks to God. As long as his wife and children were safe, he could handle the rest. 

"Are you experiencing any shortness of breath, sir?" Dr. Gordon asked. 

"No, I'm fine. You can skip ahead with the questions." 

"It's a long list, but I do need to go through it, sir." 

"Do the questions, sir." Charlie urged him. "We want to take our time with the questions." 

"So, you're aware of what's coming next?" 

"Oh, yeah," Charlie sighed. 

"Does it have anything to do with nasal swabs?" Debbie asked. 

"Afraid that's affirmative." 

Jed lifted a brow at her. "Serving at the pleasure of the President just gets better and better." 

"You read my mind, sir." Debbie sat and sneezed into her mask. 

**** 

Abbey was just getting ready to leave when her agents stopped her. 

"You can't go anywhere, ma'am. We're in lockdown." 

"Is this a drill?" Abbey looked at her watch with irritation. She was already running a little behind having had to come home and change from her evening gown to more appropriate professional attire. 

"No, ma'am. It's not a drill." 

Abbey's eyes snapped up to the agent. "What is it?" Now her tone was sharper, more worried. 

"The Environmental Hazard Detector's picking up an unusual pattern of airborne particles." 

"Oh, God, my kids." Abbey started toward the nursery. 

"Ma'am, it's okay. The Residence is clear. The vents are shut." 

"Where was the detection?" 

"The offices outside the Oval." 

Abbey closed her eyes. Please, please say that Jed wasn't back yet from the dinner. "Where is the President?" she asked. 

"He was in the Oval Office, with the door open to Mrs. Fiderer's office. He's been taken to decontamination." 

"Oh, Jed," Abbey sighed, her fingers covering her lips. "Was it anthrax?" She swallowed tightly. They'd been worried about more anthrax attacks. 

"We don't know, ma'am. They're testing now." 

"Please, keep me posted. And, I'd like to talk to my husband." 

"Yes, ma'am. He's being examined by a doctor right now." 

After checking on her children, fixing their blankets and kissing their foreheads, Abbey made her way back to the sitting room where Leo was just getting off the phone. 

"What are they telling you, Leo?" She figured he might have more information than she'd been given. 

"Forty minutes tops, assuming no other developments." 

"They told me ten." 

"Probably it'll be more like ten." 

Abbey moved to the table and picked up the phone. 

"Hey, you okay?" he asked. "I saw you slip out of the dinner early." 

"I have a shift. I had to change my clothes." 

"The exit was a little conspicuous." 

"I wasn't throwing food." 

"The First Lady leaves before the President's speech?" 

"Jed knew I could only be there for the first half." 

"Did anyone else know?" 

Abbey turned her attention to the phone receiver. "Hello. This is Dr. Bartlet. Would you tell Jerry I'm running late? Thanks." 

She hung up, but Leo wasn't about to let this go. 

"What are you doing at this hour?" 

"I'm at the clinic one night a week – midnight to 8:00 a.m." 

"Graveyard?" 

"We try not to call it that in front of the patients." 

"Midnight to 8:00 doesn't sound like you're handing out lollipops. Does C.J. have anything to say about this?" 

Abbey was getting irritated now. "CJ doesn't go to the clinic." 

"I'm saying..." 

"I know what you're saying." She knew her decision to work at the free clinic had not been a popular one with Jed's staff but she'd thought they were over it by now. 

"You could have talked to somebody about this." 

"Leo, you all know that I'm working at the clinic." 

"I didn't know you were working the night shift. You should have talked to someone about it." 

"I did. I talked to the President. He didn't tell you I was working a night?" 

"No." 

Abbey couldn't help it – the part of her that hated being kept in the dark herself, the part of her that resented Leo thinking he should have any say in what she chose to do with her life took satisfaction in the fact that for once, it was he that Jed had kept the dark and she gave him strange little smile. "He never tells me anything either." 

Before Leo could respond, the phone rang. Abbey quickly picked up. 

"Hello." 

"Hey, baby." 

Relief flooded Abbey. It was Jed. 

"Jed, what the hell is going on?" 

"We don't have any real answers yet. They're going to treat us with Cipro." 

Abbey's heart clenched. "Anthrax? You were exposed to anthrax?" 

"They don't know yet, but Major Gordon doesn't want to take any chances." 

"I don't know Major Gordon. Do we like him?" 

"He didn't laugh at my Social Security joke." Jed continued to play chess while he talked to his wife. 

"That's a good sign. Your Social Security joke is one of those works-better-on-a-crowd-that's-been-drinking kind of things. I'm hoping he didn't even crack a smile." 

"I think we can count on Dr. Gordon's sobriety." 

"How's your blood pressure? Seriously." 

"Seriously, It's a miracle I'm still alive." 

Abbey bit back a sharp retort about him not taking her seriously. Jed didn't need any added stress at the moment. "Take care of yourself." 

"Give the kids a kiss for me and don't get too bored." 

"Leo's entertaining me." 

"Leo's still in the building?" 

"Yes." 

"I thought he went home." 

"No, he's with me. Until he gets whisked away to some undisclosed location, I'm gonna run with the false alarm story." 

"Put him on for a second." 

"Leo." She forced her hand to keep from shaking and handed the phone to Leo as she stood up. She felt the anxiety gnawing at her belly, rising in her chest and she went to her purse to remove a bottle of pills. While talking to Jed, Leo's eyes stayed centered on Abbey watching her take the pills. He knew she was scared but didn't like the idea of her popping Xanax to control her fear. 

"They don't think there's a real danger," he tried to assure her as he hung up the phone. 

"Better to have you here making sure I behave." 

"If it comes to that, have you got any of those to spare? Or are you hoarding the good stuff?" 

"I'm sorry, where's my manners? I'm not going to tell you it's cold medicine." Abbey wasn't ashamed of her need for the pills. If she had been, she would never have taken them right in front of Leo. 

"You carry 'em with you?" 

"As needed. It's not a daily dose. How about I make us some tea?" 

**** 

"You can hold the Cipro, Doctor," Ron Butterfield entered the room. "The scanner has made a determination. It's positive for tularemia." 

"Is that a virus?" Jed asked. 

"Tularemia is a bacterium," Major Gordon told them. "It occurs rarely in insects and rodents. Theoretically, in an aerosolized form, it could be used as a weapon." 

"This bacteria was released in the office, probably within 10 to 15 minutes of the alarm sounding," Ron said. 

"We can treat for tularemia immediately. With an antibiotic cocktail, you probably won't develop symptoms." 

"If it had gone undetected?" Jed asked. 

"Tularemia's likely to manifest as a severe respiratory infection – pneumonia, eventually systemic. In the world of known pathogens, tularemia is closest to... well, in fact, it _is_ plague." 

The President stared straight ahead not even blinking at the idea that he might have been infected with the plague. Major Gordon was impressed. He'd never met the President before, was in fact a Republican, but his respect for the man had risen tenfold over the past half-hour. A lesser man might have panicked or exploded with rage, instead Jed Bartlet had reacted with calm, strength and a sarcastic humor that had kept everyone loose and relaxed. In times of crisis, people looked to their leader to show them how to react and Jed Bartlet was truly a great leader. 

**** 

Leo sat at the table in the Residence kitchen sipping at the mug of tea Abbey placed in front of him. Just one of the many differences between Jed and his good friend, Abbey thought, with an internal smile as she sat at the table with her own mug. Jed wouldn't be caught dead drinking tea. He was a coffee man, through and through. Hot chocolate or warm milk could be substituted but never tea unless she forced it upon him when he was sick. 

"You couldn't find some nice, innocuous baby seal campaign? You got to be downtown with the crackheads and the needle exchange?" Leo cut right to the chase. 

"We've been through this before, Leo." 

"Yeah, when I thought you were spending mornings vaccinating babies." 

"I do spend some mornings doing that. But, they're understaffed. They asked me to pitch in." 

"Believe me, I love the idea of you ministering to the wayward and unwashed. I don't love you becoming a de facto spokesperson for a load of issues we can't support." 

"I'm not on a lecture tour. I'm seeing patients." 

"Look, we already ran into problems with the girl and the condoms." 

"I didn't GIVE her condoms, Leo." 

"No, you just told her to use them." 

"If she was going to be sexually active, yes. I would tell any girl the same thing, including my own daughters." 

"I'm not saying it wasn't responsible. I'm just saying that it doesn't play well in Peoria." 

"We're five years in. The people of this country don't have the interest in pathologizing my every move." 

"Come on, Abbey, you aren't that naïve. You're probably the most famous, well-known woman in the world. Of course the press dissects your every move. You fascinate people. I mean, the clinic was one thing – volunteering, children's health – I think we sold that. But now it's all-nighters, Saturday nights?" 

"Not negotiable. Since I came back, since the kidnapping, this is the only deal I've had with myself. Follow my gut. And it's not every night; it's one night a week. I am NOT shirking my duties to the country or to my family." 

"Your Secret Service detail must be thrilled." 

"About as thrilled as you." 

"If this is about Jed, there must be other ways." 

"What are you talking about?" 

Uncomfortable, Leo squirmed in his chair. Getting personal was always a little dicey, especially, given his own role in the situation, when it came to Abdul Shareef. "I guess, I mean – you and Jed are okay, right? Your vow renewal is right around the corner. I thought everything was okay." 

Abbey's eyes widened with incredulity. "It is okay. I'm not working at the clinic to punish Jed. Amazingly, enough I'm doing it for me. Working at the clinic fulfils me; I'm needed there. Jed understands that. He wants me to be happy. He's not running again so this can't hurt him. You know I'd never do anything to hurt him." 

"Well, that's not entirely true. I know you'd never intentionally hurt him, but you're being there could hurt him politically. Somebody snaps the wrong photo of you with a junkie or somebody sees you pop a Xanax..." 

"I don't care if they do," Abbey was pure bravado now. Leo was messing with her personal life and that always made her a bit prickly. 

"I never had to tell you this before. You always knew when something was over the line." 

"I still do. I haven't done anything wrong, and if Jed doesn't have a problem with it why should you?" 

"Okay, forget that. That was... that was... I'm saying, as your friend, I'm saying, as a person who had a close personal relationship with Valium for more years than I care to remember, it's dicey. It starts at 'As needed'. Then you need a little more." 

"I don't have a problem. Unless having a husband that has been shot by white supremacists and quite often has to spend evenings in an underground bunker counts. And before you go jumping to conclusions, I'm not taking the Xanax anymore. I take Klonapan as needed. I took the stronger Xanax during an incredibly difficult time in my life when I couldn't make it through a night without a panic attack. Do you know what a panic attack is like, Leo? Do you know what it's like to close your eyes and see the face of the man who threatened to kill your children, who burned cigarettes into your chest, who sexually assaulted you, who locked you in an airless closet then held a machete over your head?" 

Leo's eyes softened with sympathy. He hated being reminded of what she had been through in that trailer. "It's hard on you." 

Abbey looked across the table at her old friend. She'd been so busy lately with her work and planning the vow renewal she hadn't really looked at Leo in a while. His face had a pale gray cast to it, the skin under his eyes darker than usual. He did not look well. 

"It's hard on all of us. Do you know what this stressful lifestyle does to the body? The minute your system senses stress it releases a hormone that constricts the blood vessels, contracts the heart muscles, stimulates the adrenal gland. You stay in this state for not a hundredth of the time that you and I have existed like this and the vessels begin to shred. The heart permanently constricts. The intestines, the immune system, shut down. Relieving those conditions is the one responsible course of action I can take. I am sorry it is not a course of action that's available to you, but if you think you're going to talk me out of it with some _Valley of the Dolls_ cautionary tale, you have picked the wrong girl. I owe it to my husband and to my children to take care of myself and to leave the White House in the best health I can, both physically and emotionally." 

Leo looked into her eyes and knew she was speaking the truth. People with problems generally tended to hide them and Abbey hadn't done that in the least. "Okay. Do what you need to do." 

"What are you doing? Have you had your blood pressure checked lately?" 

"I'm healthy as a horse, but thank you, Dr. B." 

"I'm not kidding." 

"I may not be Jack LaLane..." 

"Leo." 

"Look, I'm not under any more stress than Jed is under. Do you bug him about this stuff?" 

Abbey rolled her eyes. "Do you need to ask? Of course I do. But, as President, Jed is monitored probably more than any person in the country. His blood pressure is taken frequently. He has regular EKG's and you know, Leo, Jed knows how to relax which is something that you don't know how to do," 

That, Abbey felt, was the biggest difference between Jed and Leo and the stress that they both lived under. Jed could come home after a stressful day and have a glass of wine and a nice relaxing meal with her or play in a pick up basketball game with some of his staff. Sometimes he would come home throw on a pair of old jeans and kick back with a beer to watch whatever sporting event might be on TV or they would curl up together and watch something interesting on the History Channel. Some nights when he wasn't working late, they would listen to classical music and read; and sometimes when he was particularly stressed, she would give him a massage and then make love with him. Sex was a great stress reliever as Jed so often told her when she harped at him over it, and it was, of course, his favorite way to deal with it. A close second were the afternoons, with the business of state over, when he was able to enjoy a relaxing time with his children playing out of doors and getting some fresh air. She always made it a priority in his schedule to allot some free time for that, as it really recharged his batteries. About the only time Leo relaxed were the nights that he played poker with the staff and the few times that he attended the movie nights in the theater. Since Jenny had divorced him, his job had become even more all consuming than it had been before. 

Another difference between Jed and Leo were their temperaments, which were polar opposites. When Jed was angry he didn't let it fester and build – he exploded, got it all out and then it was over, which was a healthy way to deal with things instead of internalizing it all the way that Leo did. Abbey wasn't sure if she'd ever met a more private person than Leo. Getting him to open up was extremely difficult and she knew that he wasn't any more open with Jed than he was with her. In fact, he was probably more open with her because as a woman she pushed him to talk to her, whereas Jed might just let it go. 

But, the biggest difference – not to toot her own horn, of course – was the fact that Jed had HER in his life. He had someone who loved him and cared for him. Someone to look after his health and well being. Someone to talk with. Someone to blow off steam with. Someone to make love with. Someone to make sure he got an extra hour of sleep when he needed it, or to make sure that he was eating healthy. Someone to make sure that he kept some sense of balance in his life. Leo was a workaholic, always had been always would be. Nothing would change that and there was nobody in his life to even try, which Abbey found very sad. 

"Leo, go see Ted Mayfield. Get an EKG." 

"Okay," Leo brushed her off. 

"I mean it. I'll call and set up the appointment myself." 

Leo could see that Abbey was completely serious. "Enough, Abbey." 

Leo's phone stopped the argument before it could begin and after answering it, he smiled at Abbey. "Lockdown's over, false alarm. I'm going to head out. The President should be here any minute. You leaving?" 

"I will be. In a few minutes." 

Leo nodded. He'd known that she wouldn't leave without first seeing Jed. 

**** 

"Good night, guys, I'm in for the night." 

Standing in the bedroom doorway, Abbey watched Jed wearily enter the sitting room. She had to admit the sweat suit and damp hair were a nice touch. Too bad she had to work tonight. 

"False alarm, hunh?" She moved toward him slowly. 

"Yeah, they told us it was tularemia." 

"Tularemia?!" Abbey's eyes widened. "You thought you had the plague?" 

"For a while." 

Abbey wrapped her arms tightly around his waist burying her face into his chest. Jed stood silently. He knew she'd been scared. These things were not easy on either one of them as they both knew one of these days the drills could be very, very real. He twisted a strand of her long hair around his finger and felt her squeezing him even tighter, as if she held him tightly enough she could keep him safe. Finally, she backed away and looked up into his face. 

"You okay?" He traced a finger over her cheekbone. 

"Yeah, this one felt real, Jed." 

He nodded. "It was a live drill. No one, not even the agents or the doctor, knew it wasn't for real. I even had to take the decontamination shower and the nasal swabs." 

"And I know how much you love that." 

"Well, it is a few steps up from the prostate check." 

Abbey chuckled. One thing about her husband. He was truly grace under pressure. Reluctantly, she pulled away from him. "I have to get to the clinic." 

"I know." 

"Leo's pissed." 

"About the night shift?" 

"I think it was more that he didn't know about the night shift. You didn't tell him." 

"It's only until summer. It doesn't affect him. I warned CJ in case she got any questions about it." 

Abbey nodded. Since the election and the freedom of knowing that Jed would never have to run for office again, both of them had been taking baby steps of independence. Steps toward regaining autonomy in their lives again. That wouldn't happen for another couple of years, but they were already inching forward toward that time. 

"Well, I have to go. Get a good night's sleep, babe." She tiptoed up to kiss his cheek and started toward the doors. 

Jed nodded but knew he wouldn't. He never slept well when she wasn't beside him. 

**** 

" _He's got the whole world – in his hands. He's got the whole world – in his hands. He's got the whole world - in his hands, he's got the whole world in his hands._ " 

Abbey smiled at the sound of her husband singing in the bathroom, that smile widening as Nicholas and Aislinn happily and loudly joined their childish lisps to their father's baritone. 

" _He gots my brudders and my sisters in his hands,  
He gots my brudders and my sisters in his hands, _

He gots my brudders and my sisters in his hands,   
He gots the whole world in his hands." 

Still listening to Jed giving the children their bath, she was standing in the doorway to her closet wearing just her slip when Zoey entered and flopped down chest first on the bed. 

"What's up?" Abbey asked. 

"Not much. Just waiting for you so we can go down for our fitting." 

"Carolina isn't even here yet. Is Ellie?" 

"No." 

Her 'no' was so pronounced it caused Abbey to turn from where she was zipping the side of her skirt. "Did you and Ellie have an argument?" 

"No, I guess not. It's just every time I talk to her it's Sam this and Sam that. And now she's all wrapped up with this whole thing with his father. I guess he isn't taking it well." 

"Zoey, you try finding out that your father had a mistress tucked away for almost 30 years – that your whole childhood was filled with lies and see how well you take it." 

"I know, I know. But I don't have to worry about it. Daddy was too busy to have a mistress." 

Zoey laughed as her mother gently hit her over the head with a throw pillow then sat down next to her on the bed. "I'd like to think that it was more that he didn't NEED a mistress." 

"Ew, more than I need to know, Mom." 

"You brought it up. So, what is this really about?" 

Zoey sighed. "I don't have a date for the vow renewal." 

"Ahh..." Now Abbey understood. Ellie was in a relationship, Liz was married and Zoey was feeling left out. She also knew that her youngest was extremely gun-shy thanks to Jean Paul. "I'm sure it wouldn't be hard for you to find a date, honey." 

"Probably not. But, I'm not seeing anyone and I can't see inviting someone I barely know to a family celebration especially when that family includes the President and First Lady." 

"Could definitely be awkward." 

"You're telling me. Charlie asked me to be his date." 

"Well, there you go." 

"But I don't know if I should. I love Charlie. He's my best friend in the world and he's helped me so much since...well, since everything. But, I don't want him to get the wrong idea. I'm not sure I want to 'date' him again." 

"So go as friends." 

"You don't think he'll get the wrong idea?" 

"Not if you're up front with him. Be completely honest with him and he can't be hurt. That will give him the option of choosing to ask someone he might be able to be romantically interested in or to go as a friend with you." 

"BOING BOING BOING." Nicholas came bouncing out of the bathroom in his new Tigger towel that covered his head and his little hands with paw mitts. "I'm Tigger, Mumma. Boing Boing. GRRRRR...." He pawed at her with his mitt. 

"One of my troops went AWOL," Jed called from the bathroom. 

"I've got him," Abbey called back, pretending to be frightened as Nicholas continued to growl at her and run his mitt over her arm. 

"HEY!" 

Abbey looked up at Jed's exclamation and saw Aislinn running stark naked from the bathroom. 

"Looks like you've lost control of the troops altogether," Abbey called out. "What kind of commander-in-chief are you anyway?" 

"An exhausted one." 

Abbey grinned as Jed stood in the bathroom doorway holding a mermaid doll in his hand. His dress shirt was soaked, his damp bangs were falling over his forehead and a few bubbles from the bubble bath were resting on his head. "An adorable one." She kissed his cheek. 

"Are you deserting me?" 

"Gotta go. Carolina Herrera waits for no one, not even the First Lady." 

**** 

"Oh, Mom, it's GORGEOUS," Ellie breathed." 

Abbey stood in front of the three-way mirror examining her figure from every angle. The sleek ivory halter style dress was both classy and sexy. The tight empire waist bodice hugged her full breasts allowing the satin to slide sensuously over her curves to pool on the floor. 

"You said you wanted simple and elegant for an outdoor wedding." Carolina stood back gauging the First Lady's reaction. "You have a very elegant slim back and since that is what most people will see throughout the service I wanted to play it up. The diamante on the straps will glitter in the sunlight." 

Abbey nodded, turning to look at her back. The dress was nearly backless dipping all the way to the small of her back and criss-crossed only once by thin diamante straps. It was very sexy in an elegant and sophisticated way. 

"And of course, I gave the President the little cleavage he asked for," she winked. 

"He asked you for cleavage?" Abbey turned with surprise. 

Carolina chuckled. "He knows how you look best and he knows what he likes." 

"And evidently, he's not afraid to ask for it." 

"No, he isn't. So, what do you think? Is this the one?" 

"This is the one." Abbey's gaze stayed on herself in the mirror. "It is absolutely stunning, Carolina. Exactly what I had envisioned when we were talking." 

"Good. Very good." 

While Carolina bent to get her pins to begin altering the gown, Abbey stayed in front of the mirror tears glistening in her eyes. The vow renewal ceremony and all that it meant to her and Jed had suddenly become very, very real to her. It would be the final step in their healing processes, both individually and as a couple. This past year had seen them through the darkest, most difficult time they had ever had in their marriage, and yet they'd found their way through it, found their way home into each other's arms and had discovered that they were far stronger than even they had known. Now it was time, in front of family and friends and God, to show them all what they had known for so long. Love COULD conquer all; it could heal even the worst of wounds and leave a couple stronger and healthier than ever before. It was a lesson neither she nor Jed would ever forget. 

THE END! 


End file.
